Leaders with Leverage: Adopting a Negotiator Mindset

Unlocking career growth through self-advocacy

• Susie Tomenchok • Episode 93

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Imagine having the power to shape your professional future by taking proactive steps today. In this episode, I share my journey and the lessons learned from relying solely on others for career advancement, emphasizing the significance of cultivating self-awareness and regularly assessing your growth areas. By clearly defining and communicating your career aspirations to your boss and senior leaders, you’ll not only open doors to new opportunities but also enhance your ability to negotiate effectively.

Let's tackle the often paralyzing fear of not being ready and highlights the importance of strategic self-advocacy. We'll explore the value of reflecting on missed chances and identifying skill gaps. Learn how to be proactive in setting career goals and how to communicate these to your superiors. By adopting a mindset centered on strategic thinking and leadership, you'll be better positioned to advance in your career, even before you think you're ready.

In this episode, we'll cover:
1. Importance of regularly reflecting on personal career.
2. Effective communication of career aspirations.
3. The significance of preparing thoroughly for negotiations.

The Negotiator's Toolbox is now available!
Get $100 off when you use code TOOLBOX at www.negotiationlove.com

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Ready to continue your professional growth?
Here are a few resources for you:


Speaker 1:

Who's responsible for future opportunities that are available to you? You might think it's your boss, but it really is you. Stay right there. I'm going to give you more insights when we come back.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Leaders with Leverage podcast. I'm your host and negotiation expert, suzy Tomichuk. It's time to be your own advocate and confidently navigate what you want out of your career, not simply the next role or additional compensation. I wanna show you that negotiation happens every day in plain sight, so you need to be ready to opt in and say yes with confidence. This happens by adopting a negotiator's mindset, and I'll show you how, together with other business leaders, you'll learn the essential skills and shifts in mindset you need to know. You will be empowered to naturally advocate for yourself and grow your professional skills, and while you're practicing along the way, you'll increase your confidence and gain respect. All while you're growing into that future, you'll increase your confidence and gain respect. All while you're growing into that future leader you're poised to be, and when you face a high stakes situation, you're ready, no matter how high those stakes are. So let's do it. Let's lead with leverage.

Speaker 1:

Hey friends, how are you? I'm so happy that you made the commitment to yourself to be here today and this is a really important topic that I want to talk about. That may seem really simple and you might think I'm clear about where I'm going in my career, in my business, whatever you do. You might think I am already there, but I want to challenge you a little bit on that. We often, you know in our role, in our what we do for a company, we define ourselves by those things that we need to do to grow in that or be really good at that, and that's really important to your boss that you do a great job in what you're doing. But your boss may care a lot about your career and where you're going beyond this role, but it's not up to them to manage that for you. So when you think about where you are in what you do, you should take time, and the second part of this episode is going to be talking about self-awareness. So part of this is honing self-awareness, but one thing you want to do is really take time to figure out where do you want to develop beyond your role. These are steps to maybe the next role you take. Getting really clear helps you understand what you really love, what you want to do more of, and if you don't have these things on your list that are beyond the role that you're playing today, there's no way you're ever going to see an opportunity to be able to anchor that idea to a senior leader. Or when somebody comes up to you and says this is a new opportunity, if you haven't really thought about where you wanna go next, you might not raise your hand and say yes. That happened to me early in my career and I learned a really important lesson. Thank goodness it was early in my career and I'll tell you about that and I didn't see the signs, and so it made me realize that I need to get clear about where I want to develop beyond where I am today.

Speaker 1:

People do not live in your head, including your boss. They meet with you. They know what your goals are. You might articulate that, but it's up to you to remind them on a regular basis. You know I want this kind of development. I want to be exposed to senior leadership. I would love to have more people report to me. I want that experience as a leader. You might say I want to, I want. I know I don't have the experience, but I'd love to lead a project that's important to you. So you want to start thinking about what is beyond your role that's important to you. Maybe it's being exposed to being able to present more, so that you're really honing your presentation skills. Maybe it's that leadership piece. You don't have a lot of experience in leadership and so, even if you don't have a direct report, you want to manage a project so you can get that experience as leaders.

Speaker 1:

Thinking about and taking the time to get clear about where do I want to develop myself? What's important to me and it's not like you have to solidify, it's going to be laminated for you it's something that you should think about and brainstorm on on a regular basis, so that you're continually challenging yourself to get clear about that. In a negotiation, if you're not clear about the best possible outcome for you, you won't get there. So it's the same for your career. Thinking about this is where I want to go. We don't solidify for ourselves our one-year plan, our five-year plan. Some of us don't think like that. Some of us know we want to be a COO in the future and that's great to have that clarity. But I work with a lot of people that they just have some ideas of where they want to develop, and that's great, the whole path doesn't have to be defined. But want to develop, and that's great, the whole path doesn't have to be defined. But what are the next steps that will get you to another role, or even just experience that will help you in any role for the future? So I want you to challenge yourself, to be thinking about what is next for me. How do I get clear about that?

Speaker 1:

I'm going to tell you the story that really shattered my world early in my career and how that relates also to negotiation. This is an important thing at every level of where we are in our career and it's up to us. We're our own advocate and if we're not clear, the people around us aren't clear and we will miss opportunities. So don't get in your own way. When we come back, I'm going to share that story and a few more, so stay right here. I just want to jump in and let you know I wrote a book. It's the Art of Everyday Negotiation Without Manipulation. It's really a book about my experiences the good, the bad, the ugly, all of it and how I learned with confidence to advocate for myself and move through negotiation in my everyday life, at home and at work. If you'd like to grab a copy, go to suzytomichukcom. You can get it there and I'd love if you did. Welcome back. Let's just jump right in. So that story.

Speaker 1:

Early in my career I worked for a great leader. His name is Bob. I knew he's still. I knew he was a great leader at the time, but now that I have experience as a leader, I know he was 10 times better than I even realized at the moment and I we were at a staff meeting one time and he talked about he had a lot of influence in the organization and so his department spanned across multiple areas of the business because he had such a vision and there was so much trust of the CEO in Bob, and so the CEO asked him to find somebody on his team to manage a project that would go across the organization, and so it was an important new product that they wanted to launch and she wanted his team because they had the optics that was broader than some of the other teams and she knew it would be successful under him. So I remember him talking about this in our staff meeting and I remember in my head going staff meeting and I remember in my head going, oh gosh, I wish I had the experience to do that. That would be so incredible. And I remember just thinking, oh, if, only if. And my peer, dan, who was always just able and confident to raise his hand. He talked to Bob and said I want to run that meeting or that project. And it was a couple.

Speaker 1:

It was like a week later in our one-on-one Bob asked me why didn't I volunteer? Right, and I was like because I didn't think you thought I was ready. And he said to me you need to know and be a little uncomfortable and be able to say yes before you're ready. He said he would have rather given it to me than to Dan and I was like in my head going then why didn't you just give it to me? He wanted to make a point to me which really stayed with me for a long time. Had I been clearer about where I wanted to develop, I would have heard that and thought, hey, that's something I would love to do. I wanted more leadership experience. I wanted to expand my view of the organization and I had influence. People knew me, they trusted me. That's why Bob wanted me to volunteer.

Speaker 1:

Myself didn't seize that opportunity, but at the same time, I saw how impactful it was for me to be courageous for my own development, that sometimes, when I hear an opportunity, just raise my hand, even if I don't even know if I can do it, and to also think about and be clear about where I wanted to develop so that if those opportunities were in front of me, I could seize them or I could anchor an idea. If I found myself in an elevator with a senior leader that is adjacent to the organization and they're like what's next for you? Or they ask me a question, that I could cede an opportunity to them, if you ever, I could say something to a leader and say you know, if you ever need somebody to meet your team and help them move through a presentation, or if your team needs somebody to listen to and give feedback on, I'd be happy to do that. Thinking about where you want exposure and being clear with that is really important, so important in a negotiation as well, to be really clear about what the outcome is and understanding that through a negotiation, if you don't have clarity about all the different variables that are part of the deal and you haven't thought about all of those and identified even a few great, best possible outcomes. You won't be ready in the moment, and I remember this very specifically we were doing a negotiation with a big company a big, a plain manufacturer might start with B and I just wanted us to get a 60 or a 12 month deal and I was just focused on how much they would pay us for those services over those 12 months and when there were so many more opportunities about, can you do this to this adjacency to the business?

Speaker 1:

What about a three-year deal? What are some of the other options you have? I was kind of, when the customer asked these things, they were seeding these opportunities that were incremental to the contract and because I wasn't ready, I felt insecure about it. I didn't have the words to confidently say absolutely, of course we could do a five-year deal, absolutely, we could provide this service to you. I wasn't clear about all the options or where that negotiation would go, so it surprised me a little and when they started asking those questions I didn't have a good answer. So I didn't come across confident and I left a lot on the table just by not being clear and exploring the opportunities beyond what I saw right in front of me.

Speaker 1:

It's the same thing in your role. It's looking at what are the things I'm learning and I want to get better at, to make me better at what I'm doing today, and if I can think about that next role that I want. What are some of the things that that future me needs to have some experience in? And maybe it's just to get your confidence up so that, when that comes up, you understand what your value is, so that you can have more leverage in that negotiation. All of this is exploring what is next for you, getting clear about it, thinking about what is important to you. So I'm going to give you some tips on what you can do, do to practice this on a regular basis. It is essential, as a business owner, as an employee, as a leader, to make this time for you practicing self-awareness, and this is a piece of it. So stay tuned, stay right here. We'll be right back and I'll give you three tips that you can start implementing for yourself today. Stay right here. Hi Suzy. Here, one of the things that I love is I facilitate team conversations, whether it's talking about high stakes, how to advocate for one another. So if you're a leader and you want to bring your team together, you want to level them up, help them really bond together and increase their confidence as a whole, contact me. Go to suzytomachukcom, tell me a little bit about your team and I'll be in touch. All right, here we go right into the tips.

Speaker 1:

And I wanted to also mention I went to a leadership conference and listened to this C-level woman talk about how she didn't realize until she got there that opportunities that the organization has that may not fit really clearly into somebody's organization are kind of always up in the air. And she said the people that seed where they want to go and tell her directly. It helps her identify who is ready and who wants an opportunity. So seeding and anchoring these things to other people is really important. I just wanted to put that in there, because it's not just me that's seen this. I hear people say this all the time.

Speaker 1:

So the first tip I want to get you to really think about is practicing self-awareness and reflecting regularly, weekly, even a few minutes. What can you do to say where am I developing in my role today and where do I want to develop next? Ask some questions of yourself. Have you identified the next level of responsibility that you want? Where is the chasm between your skillset and where you need to go. Is it presentation skills? Is it leadership skills? Is it strategic thinking skills? How can you get some exposure to those skill creation? Who owns some areas of the business that you might get to expose yourself to, even observing others? So spend time reflecting on where am I going next and where do I need to go. And maybe it isn't a role that you want to do next. Maybe it is just these areas of development that may be so important to the next role that you're in, but maybe it's just you want to develop these. So brainstorm on your own. Reflect in it. Ask somebody that knows you very well where do you see my superpower? Where would you, if you were me, push myself in my role? Or in the next thing, where do I need some skill building?

Speaker 1:

Reflect regularly. Put it on your calendar, even five minutes, and don't allow yourself to cancel it. Make sure it's a part of regular Okay. So tip two goes with reflecting. Write it down. Write it down, post it for yourself. Put it on the sticky right by your camera so you see it every day. Put it in the mirror that you see right after you get out of the shower. Start to visualize for yourself these things that you want, where you want to develop, and it could be a title like that COO title. It may be 10 years from now, it may be 20 years from now, but get yourself to visualize where you are going by writing it down. You can journal on it. It allows you every time you come back to reflect to say what have I done to get myself a little bit further toward this? Who might, I know?

Speaker 1:

Writing it down makes it come alive for yourself, because these should be areas that make you uncomfortable. These aren't things that you feel like you could just do right out of the gate. Today, these areas where you want to develop need to make you feel a little bit nervous. So, writing it down, get yourself to get a little bit more comfortable with it. I remember when I first wrote my book and somebody said you are a published author. It took me a little while to even get comfortable with saying that. It just didn't feel. It felt foreign to me and the more I said it, the more I got comfortable with it and then it just became not this big thing to me. So, getting comfortable with where you want to go, saying it out loud to yourself.

Speaker 1:

Writing it down, reflecting on it will make it become something that you really want to do, so that you will automatically see these opportunities. You'll automatically see them more because you're getting comfortable with it. So write it down, make sure that you take that step. It's an important one. Write down and along the way with your reflecting, which is tip number one. And the last tip is to start socializing it, and I mean say to your boss for sure hey, I know you know this. I know we talked about it in our last one-on-one or in our annual review.

Speaker 1:

I want exposure to being a leader. Can you look at? Are there projects that are coming up that I could take the lead on so that I can start to get that experience as leading a team? Remind your boss. They don't live in your head. They may know that, but you are reminding them of where you want to develop and they might say oh, my gosh, that's great, because I needed somebody to do this. You're taking it off their plate. So start socializing it. Say it to somebody. Maybe a mentor Say I've been really reflecting on where I want to develop.

Speaker 1:

I'd love to. If they're internal, especially, I'd love to see what you think I want to get more public speaking experience. See what you think I want to get more public speaking experience. Who do you think could give me some of those opportunities? How would you what? Who should I ask? What would you do if you were me? What do I need to do to refine that so I can ask the ask Start socializing, talking about it, do it from the angle, frame it as how, as?

Speaker 1:

What advice can you give me? Are there opportunities? Who should I ask? Start to say it out loud so it doesn't feel foreign, even saying that I was a published author, I had to say it to myself in front of a mirror a few times so that when I said it out loud I didn't just laugh out loud because it felt so foreign. So again, these things should be uncomfortable to us. So saying it to ourselves first gets us more comfortable. You know what this is okay Socializing it with yourself first so that you say it with confidence. So the three tips one is reflect, think about where you want to develop, get clear about it, whether it's your next step or your next three months, your next year, whatever it is for you, get clear.

Speaker 1:

The second tip was write it down. Write it down, make it start to settle in with you, reflect on it, take that next step. And then the third is start talking about it, socialize it with people, help them start to see your vision of yourself and they will help you get there. Oh, this is so important. I get so passionate about this because I see missed opportunities by people because they don't take this time for themselves. Take the time, start doing this, starting tomorrow, start today, actually start today. All right, when we come back, I'm really gonna challenge you Start, stop, continue and really think about how are you gonna make this sink in for you so that you will take action and start doing this on a regular basis? We'll be right back.

Speaker 2:

Ooh, oh, I got in. Hey everybody, I'm James. I'm Susie's co-host on her other podcast, Quick Take. If you're enjoying this podcast, you're going to love our podcast Quick Take even better, Mostly because, well, I'm there, which is infinitely more entertaining. But hey, you'll love it if you join us. Please subscribe now, wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 1:

Okay. So this is where the rubber hits the road, as I always say as an executive coach. I always say you can listen to great things. You can read, listen to a book. Read a book about leadership or negotiation, but until you start doing it, you will not move yourself forward. So put in action for yourself, because your future self will be so disappointed in your past self because you will not have gotten there unless you put this in action.

Speaker 1:

So I thought about the stop, start and continue. If you go through these steps with me, I'm going to share with you honestly what I'm going to do on this topic and pause this podcast if you want to and think about what you're going to stop, start and continue. So for me, the stop is always really difficult and, honestly, I haven't been really doing this with my own. I think about this and talk about this for my clients and how important it is in their career trajectory. For me as a business owner, I need to do this in a different way, so I need to stop just letting these things exist in my head. I know where I'm going from a business perspective, but I have not solidified the things that are going to make me uncomfortable to do that. So I need to stop just letting them be these thoughts. I need to spend the time and really reflect on it and come up with those next steps for me that I need to do. So I'm going to stop understanding that the like letting these just be thoughts. I'm going to make it more solidified. So I'm going to start doing is I'm going to schedule the time to do this and write it down my tips. It's almost like looking back on the tips. That's such a great tip and I'm not doing it myself. I know the impact it has, so I'm going to start right now. I'm going to put it on my calendar as a five-minute block on a Monday morning that I am going to make sure that I do. I'm going to turn off everything and I'm going to identify these things and reflect on where I'm going. And I'm going to continue. I'm going to continue to make myself uncomfortable. I do that automatically, but I want to do it with more intention, so I'm going to continue to do that. So what are you going to stop doing around getting clarity? What are you going to continue doing and what are you going to start doing? This is an important aspect of your professional growth and, like I keep saying, I'm going to talk about self-awareness, which is a really important thing that we need to do, and this is a part of it. This is one thing you can reflect on getting really clear about where you're going. If you're not clear, the people around you won't know where you want to go.

Speaker 1:

Take the time to invest in yourself, to be thoughtful about what is next for me. Where do I need to develop? Ask people hey, what do you see in me? What would you say? My future holds in my role and in my next role. Be really open to discovering how people view you, because sometimes people see our superpowers a lot clearer than we do, and so listening to what other people say can help you get some ideas of where you want to develop, maybe even identifying those chasms of where you have some blind spots that you need to, that you need to. My friend, james, was telling me that 85% of people have feedback they need to listen to that they're unaware of. So what is the superpower that you need to hear? Where you need to develop yourself? It's so important to pay attention to what is that evidence around you, because those might be clues of where you should develop so that you're better in your role and for your future self Spending.

Speaker 1:

The time is an investment worth having and we're always shifting. So don't feel like it's laminated, don't feel like this is the next step and if I don't take that next step, like it's if I, this is the next step and if I don't take that next step, then I'm a failure. Your next step it might be you get this exposure. It might take you a fully different way Getting clear about what you want to do next. Oh my gosh, it's such an important thing. Get clear, take the time and really invest in you, and when you're clear in a negotiation, it gets you to the end. You want to. So it's all tied in. Do this for yourself. I'm so glad you made the time today for yourself. Share this with somebody that you think that you love, that they have a superpower that they should really invest in for their future. Let them know you were thinking of them.

Speaker 1:

If you want to learn more about me, go to negotiationlovecom. I'd love to hear from you. I'm so glad you made the commitment to you to be here. And remember negotiation is more than a skill, it's a mindset. I will see you next time.

Speaker 1:

Thanks for listening to this episode of Leaders with Leverage. I am so honored that you chose to spend your time with me. If you're ready to accelerate your professional growth and invest in defining the career you want, I have more resources for you. You can join my newsletter, where your inbox will love a Monday minute. It's an easy read, where I share stories of how others are adopting a negotiator's mindset, so that you can use these tips so that you can find success every week. And if you want to read my book, the Art of Everyday Negotiation Without Manipulation, I have a special offer just for my listeners. These links can be found in the show notes and if you want to work with me, there's more information there as well. I'd love for you to be a part of this movement to adopt a negotiator's mindset, because those who do create opportunities for themselves and they believe the investment is completely worth it. Head to the links in the show notes and just remember that I appreciate you.

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Susie Tomenchok

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