Leaders with Leverage: Adopting a Negotiator Mindset

The Power of Making Space with Gemma Toner

• Susie Tomenchok • Episode 95

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Struggling with burnout or feeling like you're constantly at the bottom of your to-do list? You're not alone! Gemma Toner, founder and CEO of Tone Networks is joining us today to open up about her personal experience with burnout and the practical steps she took towards self-care. You'll hear firsthand how mentorship, executive coaching, and navigating limited resources have been crucial in her career.

Learn about Tone Networks, the platform she created to provide easy and accessible learning for busy professionals. We discuss the unique challenges modern busyness culture presents, especially for women, and why it's essential to carve out time for reflection and growth.

In this episode, we talk about the following:
1. Creation and mission of Tone Networks.
2. Importance of investing in yourself.
3. Actionable strategies for investing in oneself.

Mentioned in this episode:
30-day TONE membership
https://www.tonenetworks.com/g/30DAYVIP

Connect with Gemma Toner:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/gemma-toner/
https://www.tonenetworks.com/

The Negotiator's Toolbox is now available!
Get $100 off when you use code TOOLBOX at www.negotiationlove.com

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Ready to continue your professional growth?
Here are a few resources for you:


Speaker 1:

Do you know who the most important person is to invest in? Well, I have a guest today who's going to tell us more, so stay tuned. Welcome to the Leaders with Leverage podcast. I'm your host and negotiation expert, suzy Tomichuk. It's time to be your own advocate and confidently navigate what you want out of your career, not simply the next role or additional compensation. I want to show you that negotiation happens every day in plain sight, so you need to be ready to opt in and say yes with confidence. This happens by adopting a negotiator's mindset, and I'll show you how, together with other business leaders, you'll learn the essential skills and shifts in mindset you need to know. You will be empowered to naturally advocate for yourself and grow your professional skills, and while you're practicing along the way, you'll increase your confidence and gain respect, all while you're growing into that future leader you're poised to be, and when you face a high stakes situation, you're ready, no matter how high those stakes are. So let's do it. Let's lead with leverage.

Speaker 1:

Hey, welcome friends. I'm so glad you're here and you're going to be glad you made the decision to be here, because I'm with an amazing woman, gemma Toner. She's a founder and CEO of Tone Networks. Welcome Gemma. Thank you so much for having me here so excited. Tell us about your journey and tell us a little bit about Tone Networks. Sure, sure.

Speaker 2:

So I'll tell you, tone Networks is a highly engaging learning platform that we have designed for basically tomorrow's leaders, and the goal is to get leaders, emerging leaders, access to executive coaching and experts earlier in their careers so that they can basically get the life they want. Basically get the life they want. And so my story is that I actually had the good fortune of working at a lot of different types of jobs. I started in public accounting and then I moved to a great company called AMC Networks and had a great run there. Then I actually worked at a cable company and ran their IP-based products and that was really exciting. And then I actually retired and thought I was going to do philanthropy.

Speaker 2:

And lo and behold, I got asked to speak at a women's leadership conference and the topic was career pivots. And at the time I was in a career pivot and I wasn't sure what I was doing next. And so I thought I actually said why would you want to hear from me? Because I don't. I'm not sure what I'm doing right now. And they said that's exactly why we want you. I said, oh, great.

Speaker 2:

So I was really uncomfortable, feeling really vulnerable and for anyone that's read uh, renee Brown's daring greatly. I was like rereading that, you know, getting myself okay, be brave, be vulnerable, and I go in. And it turned out to be a great experience. What happened was I actually knew a lot of people that were kind of in the room. It was a large room with a lot of really talented, more senior level executives. It was a senior leadership conference, and what kind of floored me was that they were there at all.

Speaker 2:

And I thought to myself wait, you know, I've made a lot of jumps in my careers. You know all of them are. You know I'm no different than them. We're all talented, we're all ambitious. What was it that made me able to do these things?

Speaker 2:

And so I got to thinking, you know and reflection is really hard when you're in kind of the you know that hamster wheel of corporate right and just working, working, working.

Speaker 2:

So I had some time to take some space to think about that and I started to realize I got access to scarce resources. I was fortunate enough to have many mentors and a sponsor and I had an executive coach and I got picked for really great things, and all of those things are scarce. And so I got to thinking what can I do about that, and so I was like okay, I know how to build software, I know content, I know data analytics. And I started to think about how can I take the knowledge that you get from having access to an expert or an executive coach or a mentor and put it in a different form factor, use technology to make it scalable, so this could go to everyone, so that this isn't just reserved for those high performers that have been picked. So my goal was to really democratize this access to knowledge that is oftentimes the secret sauce to your success.

Speaker 1:

Wow, I always knew there was a lie. I didn't realize that's such a great story and and we're going to talk today about the importance of making time for you and I can now understand why, because you experienced that and now you're living your mission in, in in your mission, in your impact.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's absolutely true. You know, I don't think. First of all, I never imagined starting a company. That was not on my agenda. I really thought I wanted to build homes in Haiti. I wanted to give back. That's where I thought I would be and I do do some of that, but that's for another, another day, another day.

Speaker 2:

But this, yeah, I think when you really do have that time you can, it kind of wakes you up to who you really are. Because I know, for me personally, I found I was always very ambitious and I oftentimes did the next hard thing because it was strategic, it was the right thing to do for my career. But I would say, at some point I got to a place where I was like, what do I really love? Because I just like to do hard things and I needed to figure that out. So, yeah, that's very much kind of how this came about. And I do have to thank, you know, getting asked to, uh, that leadership conference and Renee Brown, who I would love to have as a best friend because she's amazing. I read that book over. I mean, what read all of her books? Um, yeah, I just think you know that it was really that courage that I found. You know that I need, I needed to be courageous and you know, go in there and talk, and that's really how this idea came about.

Speaker 1:

Oh, so good. It's such a great story and when we come back, we're going to talk. I want you to talk more about how do people make that pause for themselves and make that intention, instead of being on that hamster wheel, like you said, because I know that a lot of people that are listening are probably subject to feeling like I have a lot going on, I don't have time for that. So when we come back, let's dig into that a little bit more. So stay right with us.

Speaker 1:

Okay, it's me that I tell you how excited I am about this collection of courses I have available. It's all around the concept of adopting a negotiator mindset, and the only way to do that is to really understand what it's like to be a negotiator, so that you can practice it in your everyday. I'm excited about this project because it's going to allow people to do this on their own time and go through the course at their own pace. If you want to learn more, go to suzytomichukcom. I'd love for you to check it out. All right, we're back. So, gemma, you said that investing in yourself is really important. Tell us more.

Speaker 2:

Yes, I feel very strongly about this and I think it is something that many of us are. Often, when you ask people, where are you on your to-do list, oftentimes many of us are at the bottom, and what that does is it really puts everything else in your life ahead of you except you. And I think when you finally get to that realization that there's no more left of you, that you almost hit rock bottom and you're like I have to do something different. And so I certainly had that experience and, uh, you know, burning out and just being exhausted and again being on that hamster wheel and breathless sometimes, and I found that I needed to carve and it's really hard to carve out time right when you're doing, you know, like so many of us, multiple jobs and all the responsibilities we have. And so what I found was that I needed to take baby steps that you know I couldn't necessarily. I knew that getting up early and working out was like the right thing for me to do. I couldn't necessarily get myself to the gym, right, and so little things like that, little steps where I could say, okay, you know what I can do 15 minutes. You know in my bedroom I can do that. So it's that sense of starting to do things from a baby step perspective. And you might say, well, why, why bother at all a baby step perspective? And you might say, well, why, why bother at all? Because if you're not investing in yourself, both you know, from a physical perspective and from an emotional perspective, and just from you know, expanding your, your knowledge, you know what you, you kind of get stale and you know when you can actually find just a few minutes to learn something new. You know it, know it piques your curiosity and then you continue to have that curiosity.

Speaker 2:

And so my goal in creating Tone was to do just that make it really easy to learn something new. And I like to call it sort of sneak into your heart, like most people are like oh, learn, I have to learn something. Everyone says they love to learn, but then most people actually don't, right. And so I really wanted to make learning fun and learning easy. And again, how do you invest in yourself when it's like, oh, I have to take a course and I have to do a paper and I have to do no, no, no, you don't have to do that. Let's make it really easy so that we're going to deliver what you want when you want it. And it's going to be really short and you don't have to take notes, and we're going to send you your notes at the end and we're going to encourage you to take action. And you were going to ask me tell us if you liked it or not. If you didn't, we'll send you something else.

Speaker 2:

And that's really the goal of Tone is to make it really easy for you to invest in yourself so that you can get the life you want. Right, because everyone there's lots of people that have dreams, but you've got to take action, you know. And what is that action? That action is, you know, making a plan, taking some time, recognizing that if you're, you know, if you've got zero gas in the tank, it is really hard for you to have kind of your optimal personal and professional life and to recognize that I need to take time for me, both personally and professionally. But that doesn't mean I have to get to the gym or that doesn't mean I have to go take a course. There's other ways to invest in yourself that help you grow.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, gosh. And when you said like losing the sense of yourself and being at the bottom of the list, like especially women, I, you know, we have so many hats that we, that we put on and everybody we have this sense of. We have this busyness culture where we think it's a badge of honor and sometimes we get tied, our ego gets tied into what we do for a living and that's not who we are. So if you're not discovering yourself, you're going to wake up one day and go. If that title's gone or that position's gone, who am I Right?

Speaker 2:

Exactly, and it really is important to reflect, and reflection is really hard when you're, you know, running 100 miles an hour, right, and so even just taking a few minutes, you know to reflect, say, okay, thank you, you know some gratitude. Think about, what do I really care about today? You know what's really important to me, you know those priorities and, again, finding ways to expand yourself, but for it not to be a burden, because you have a lot already on your to-do list. So we don't want to make it hard, we want to make it easy.

Speaker 1:

Totally. I love this too, because you know I work with executive level people one-on-one and it it always astounds me that they they're paying me a lot of money and sometimes I'll ask a question that just seems pretty like obvious to me and they'll be like, boom, wow, that just rocked my world. And what they don't realize was it was the space for them to think about it. It wasn't the question. I asked yes, and you need to start that early. So that's what I love about tone is it makes that availability for people to start to get that skill and that muscle, because you'll have a ton of ahas if you give yourself that space.

Speaker 2:

Yes, exactly, and space too. Yes, sometimes it's an aha, sometimes it's simply I wonder what that is, you know, and to not have anything tied to it that's performance-based. So no one's watching you, no one's saying you have to click on this. This is based on your. You know your prerogative, what you're interested in, and so you know, when we work with companies, we typically work with companies that have a very progressive attitude towards leadership development, and you know they recognize that they want to be investing in leaders earlier in their careers. Thank you very much. Right, Wouldn't it be great if we all had an executive coach early on? You know they're they're recognizing that, um, let's trust our employee to determine what they're interested in, and we like to think of it akin to if you get an executive coach, your company doesn't prescribe to you what you're going to talk about with that executive coach. There's a level of trust, there's a level of um, we know you can figure this out, and that's the same component that we really look to bring to tone, because there's plenty of other company resources that have all that prescriptive stuff, so you don't need that. This is really about you saying here's what I'm interested in, here's what I think I need, because there's going to be plenty of other people or other. I shouldn't say people, other resources, saying here's what I'm interested in, here's what I think I need, because there's going to be plenty of other people or other. I shouldn't say people, other resources, saying here's the things you need. Okay, let that that. Just make sure to do this longer. This is about here's what I'm curious about.

Speaker 2:

Here's something you know, a topic that comes up over and over and over again, for women, but also for men. So it's confidence, right, having the confidence to, you know, have a difficult discussion. Having the confidence to go into a meeting when you're dreading it, you know, because we've all had those, you know. Having the confidence to speak up, you know, having the confidence to raise your hand for something that sounds really interesting. You're not quite sure how to do it, but I'm going to give it a go. You know those are really big ideas that we need to turn into behavior and practice, right, and so, kind of going back to what you were saying, it's everything in life is about practice, right, you know it's it's a word like, oh, practice, but it really is just doing it over and over again, it just gets easier. And so, again for us, we're so grateful for us to work with companies that see, you know, let's get people practicing early so that they're more aware of what they need to do and what it takes to be a leader.

Speaker 2:

And you know to remember, one of our experts has, dr Joelle Jay, talks about, you know, personal leadership, and your personal leadership is really leading your life right. And so when I think about my life right, I think about I have my work life and I have my personal life. So, but I need to lead them both right. You know one is not exclusive to the other, and so, as we were developing tone, that was something that you know.

Speaker 2:

As we did consumer research, we found what people wanted was simplicity. They wanted things in one place Don't give me too many apps or too many buttons, or even just too much content. And you know it was about, you know, life blurs and that sometimes, you know there's some some sort of older school thinking which is you know, you must. You know work stops, personal life begins. Well, if the pandemic taught us anything, what we saw is that that is really blurry and deeply intertwined, and so what that means for us is that, at tone and any given day you know you might need for us.

Speaker 2:

Is that at Tone at any given day you know you might need? You know you might be interested in a video on why do my kids lie to? You know negotiating skills, because guess what happens. You know your personal life comes into your workspace and it's just with more and more technology and AI coming. You know the onset of AI. We're going to see that more and more and so we look to make it as easy as possible for you to get what you need when you need it. Technology and with AI coming you know the onset of AI.

Speaker 1:

We're going to see that more and more, and so we look to make it as easy as possible for you to get what you need when you need it. Oh, I love that so much. So when we come back, I want you to give our listeners and our viewers three ways that they can start investing in themselves and take from your library of great content and give us some three ways that they can put it in place today. Okay, hi, susie, here you know, one of the things that I love is I facilitate team conversations, whether it's talking about high stakes, how to advocate for one another. So if you're a leader and you want to bring your team together, you want to level them up, help them really bond together and increase their confidence as a whole, contact me, go to suzytomachukcom, tell me a little bit about your team and I'll be in touch.

Speaker 1:

All right, gemma, I'm excited because I always want to learn how to self-invest in me, and so I always need tips, because for me, it's something that I have to remind myself of and kind of rejuvenate my, my acceleration in it, or you know what I mean Like re-dig into it. So I'm going to take these tips that you're going to give me. I'm going to do them too, so I'm First one just do it Okay.

Speaker 2:

You need to commit to doing this investment. I am going to make an investment in myself. Put that as your mantra. I'm going to invest in myself. I'm going to invest in myself.

Speaker 1:

Second, well, let me just say what I think. Maybe for me I'm going to put a little sticky note right on my computer, right where I look into the camera. I'm going, I might, I'm going to invest in me, so find a way to remind yourself, okay.

Speaker 2:

Whatever, that is Okay, but you need to commit to yes, I'm going to invest in myself and then, okay, so now you've at least said I'm going to do this, then you need to do it, right. So I think the next piece is you can I know, finding an hour is really hard, I get it, I've been there right, you can carve out five minutes for yourself, whether that's early in the morning, whether that's midday, and take some time for yourself to learn something new to you know, anything at all. It doesn't have to be work related, it can be personal, whatever it is. Just start, get the ball rolling. Once you start, this gets addictive in the best way possible. Once you start, this gets addictive in the best way possible, right, you know.

Speaker 2:

And then, when it comes to the last tip, it's really a mindset tip. You know, we have lots of, you know, videos on tone that can help you with this, but it really is about committing to. You know what you often hear as a growth mindset, but what that really boils down to is saying to yourself I can, I can do this. Yes, you can, you can do this. You can take five minutes at the beginning of your day, five minutes at the end. You know I'm getting greedy. I've just taken 10 minutes for you to invest in yourself and you can do it. And again, don't make it hard. Just invest in yourself, in anything at all. Okay, it doesn't have to be something hard.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, make it simple, and we need self-discovery about who we are, and so put it on your calendar. I'm going to put it on my calendar and I'm not going to give myself permission to move it, because that is also the first thing that we move Anything that is for us. So put it on your calendar. It's the five minutes. It just start there and keep it simple and so good.

Speaker 2:

And there is a little bit of playback in your head, cause it's like, if you think about moving it, it's like, really, I can't find five minutes for me, like that. That's when you're about to cancel that five minutes. So wait a minute, I can do this. Because why is all of this so important is because when you start investing in yourself, when you start growing and feeding that curiosity, you become in a much more optimal state to succeed, and that's what's really important. You have more energy, you have more curiosity. You're like, yes, I can, but it really is. It's like that inertia, you've got to get the ball rolling, and so, again, I can. So, but it really is. It's a bit. It's like that inertia, you've got to get the ball rolling, and so again, as I said earlier, it's like I like to think of let's sneak into your heart with you know, five minutes, because once you start, you will do more for yourself. You just got to start.

Speaker 1:

Yes, all right. Such a great tip. And also it increases your understanding of your own value, which increases your confidence that allows you to advocate for yourself. So it all goes around to adopting a negotiator mindset, too, is about investing in you. So good, all right. Well, stay tuned. We're going to tell you how to connect with Gemma, and she's going to give us something too, so don't go anywhere too, so don't go anywhere.

Speaker 3:

Oh, I got in. Hey everybody, I'm James. I'm Susie's co-host on her other podcast, quick Take. If you're enjoying this podcast, you're going to love our podcast Quick Take even better, mostly because, well, I'm there, which is infinitely more entertaining. But, hey, you'll love it if you join us. Please subscribe now, wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 1:

All right, we're back. All right, Gemma, what do you want to give to our listeners today?

Speaker 2:

I love gift giving so I can't help it. So what I want is to make this as easy as possible for everyone to start and do this. So I'm going to give everyone a free week of Tone Networks so you can become a member and there's thousands of videos and just start, just do it. You can, you can.

Speaker 1:

I love it. All right, so we'll put that link in the show notes. So just go to the show notes. I'll also put it on my website, on negotiationlovecom, so you can find that available there too, so it's easy to find. So go to negotiationlovecom. Thanks so much for being here, gemma. This was so fun. It was so great to hear your story and learn a little bit more about Tone Out Marks.

Speaker 2:

Well, Susie, thank you again. Thank you for being so supportive and such a wonderful expert and coach that you are.

Speaker 1:

Thank you so much. And as you know, gemma, negotiation is more than a skill, it's a mindset. So go negotiate. Thanks for listening to this episode of Leaders with Leverage. I am so honored that you chose to spend your time with me.

Speaker 1:

If you're ready to accelerate your professional growth and invest in defining the career you want, I have more resources for you. You can join my newsletter, where your inbox will love a Monday minute. It's an easy read, where I share stories of how others are adopting a negotiator's mindset so that you can use these tips so that you can find success every week. And if you want to read my book, the Art of Everyday Negotiation Without Manipulation, I have a special offer just for my listeners. These links can be found in the show notes and if you want to work with me, there's more information there as well. I'd love for you to be a part of this movement to adopt a negotiator's mindset, because those who do create opportunities for themselves and they believe the investment is completely worth it. Head to the links in the show notes and just remember that I appreciate you.

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Susie Tomenchok

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