HEALING FROM CHEATING | HOW TO COPE WITH BEING CHEATED ON IN A RELATIONSHIP
Mar 12, 2024
Maria @TheFemmeCast
Ever found yourself blindsided by infidelity, left grappling with the aftermath of betrayal in a relationship you believed was your 'happily ever after'?
If so, I totally feel you. That's why in this episode of The Femme Cast, we dive deep into the raw, unfiltered journey of healing from cheating and explore powerful insights on coping with the pain and rebuilding your life through radical self-love.
This episode is for you if:
You’re currently in a situation where you’re being cheated on and you just have no clue what to do
You’ve been cheated on in the past and you’re still holding onto a lot of pain and resentment
You're terrified to let love in for fear of it happening to you again
Join me as I share my personal story, unpacking the signs I missed, the emotional whirlwind, and the transformative lessons that emerged.
If you're a woman who is ready to put the cheating and infidelity in her rear view, and make a massive uplevel in your relationships and life, this episode is for you. Tune in for a cathartic experience that guides you from heartbreak to empowerment, unlocking the secrets to a resilient, love-filled future.
Let's do this.
Are you ready to create a massive uplevel in your life and relationships? If so, use the link below to book your 90-minute Uplevel + Flow Intensive. This is a powerful 90-minute session where we go deep to energetically shift your relationship patterns, so that you can magnetize more loving and supportive relationships without the chase...just flow! https://thefemmecast.com/healthy-love-intensive/
Are you ready to begin your heart healing journey today and manifest the love that you desire? If so, use the link below to register for my FREE Magnetize Love Meditation Series . A 3 part series designed to help you heal from heartbreak and manifest love you've always wanted, but never thought you would find. https://thefemmecast.ck.page/meditations
Are you ready to rewrite your love story + glow from the inside out? If so, use the link below to register for my 21 Day Radical Self-Love Challenge. https://thefemmecast.ck.page/21daychallenge
Want to get to know the more intimate details of my story? If so, click the link below to access The Femme Cast Diaries. https://thefemmecast.substack.com/
Ever found yourself blindsided by infidelity, left grappling with the aftermath of betrayal in a relationship you believed was your 'happily ever after'?
If so, I totally feel you. That's why in this episode of The Femme Cast, we dive deep into the raw, unfiltered journey of healing from cheating and explore powerful insights on coping with the pain and rebuilding your life through radical self-love.
This episode is for you if:
You’re currently in a situation where you’re being cheated on and you just have no clue what to do
You’ve been cheated on in the past and you’re still holding onto a lot of pain and resentment
You're terrified to let love in for fear of it happening to you again
Join me as I share my personal story, unpacking the signs I missed, the emotional whirlwind, and the transformative lessons that emerged.
If you're a woman who is ready to put the cheating and infidelity in her rear view, and make a massive uplevel in your relationships and life, this episode is for you. Tune in for a cathartic experience that guides you from heartbreak to empowerment, unlocking the secrets to a resilient, love-filled future.
Let's do this.
Are you ready to create a massive uplevel in your life and relationships? If so, use the link below to book your 90-minute Uplevel + Flow Intensive. This is a powerful 90-minute session where we go deep to energetically shift your relationship patterns, so that you can magnetize more loving and supportive relationships without the chase...just flow! https://thefemmecast.com/healthy-love-intensive/
Are you ready to begin your heart healing journey today and manifest the love that you desire? If so, use the link below to register for my FREE Magnetize Love Meditation Series . A 3 part series designed to help you heal from heartbreak and manifest love you've always wanted, but never thought you would find. https://thefemmecast.ck.page/meditations
Are you ready to rewrite your love story + glow from the inside out? If so, use the link below to register for my 21 Day Radical Self-Love Challenge. https://thefemmecast.ck.page/21daychallenge
Want to get to know the more intimate details of my story? If so, click the link below to access The Femme Cast Diaries. https://thefemmecast.substack.com/
Speaker 1:
Hey you guys, what is up and welcome back to this show. I'm so excited and grateful to have you here. We are getting into it today, guys, I gotta tell you, ever since I've been going on Substack and sharing my diary and my thoughts of my personal stories and whatnot, I've really been getting into the feels and into the vulnerability. So hopefully you're here for it I'm assuming you are if you're listening to this. So today's episode is all about healing from cheating how to cope with being cheated on in a relationship. If you're currently in a situation where you're being cheated on and you just have no clue what to do, or you're just kind of doing your best that you can under the circumstances, or if you've been cheated on in the past and you're still holding onto a lot of pain and resentment and you feel like you still have some residual healing to do, then this episode is totally for you. You're gonna wanna stick around because I'm gonna be sharing with you how I experienced cheating for the first time in my life.
Speaker 1:
After eight years, eight or nine years of being in a relationship with someone and guys. I was blindsided, like it was, like it came so out of left field for me, like I was so naive, not expecting it, not anticipating it, like it wasn't even something that would ever cross my mind. It was in my head. I was living this fairy tale life literally. And I think you know, leading up to that moment and I always hate to say this because I don't wanna shade other women, but I was never the type to feel threatened by other women. Like I was never the type to worry about who he was with, who he was talking to, what he was doing with the guys. Like if one of the guys was getting married and they were taking the dude out to like a peel pub for his last hurrah, like I wasn't gonna get up and a tizzy over it. You know what I mean. Like it's like go do your thing, have a good time, whatever. I literally thought like the sun rose and set or set and whatever the saying is with this person. You know. Like it was. Like he was my person. I trusted him with my life. I never in a million years would have questioned whether or not I could trust him. Like I trusted him wholeheartedly and literally in my life. I thought we were on our way to the fairy tale, happily ever after. Like it just nothing other than happily ever after ever even occurred to me Like there was no alternate ending to the story. There was only one ending and the ending was happily ever after, and I fully believed that I had hit the jackpot with this person. You know, and it was.
Speaker 1:
We were going through a rough patch, yes, but I never, ever, ever, doubted that. You know, things would work out for us and I never, ever doubted that we were happy together and I never doubted that. You know we had each other's backs. You know, through thick and thin, like we were ride or die, right. And so you know, after months of, you know, probably some distance between us. You know we were both dealing with a lot of stressors. You know, outside of the relationship and you know the intimacy had just gone out the window, which was never an issue for us.
Speaker 1:
And you know, whatever it was seven, eight or nine years that we'd been together, there was like zero anything happening, right, but still it wasn't a red flag for me and there was all these other signs and clues around that something was going on. And, guys, when I tell you, I was oblivious to what was happening, like right under my nose, oblivious, and I think that part of me held shame towards myself and anger towards myself that I could have been so blind, that could have been so dumb. Why didn't I see the signs? How could I have trusted this person so deeply, who wounded me so deeply, right, and it was like just blindsided, right, and all the signs were there and they kept. And I kept looking at the signs. I would see the signs. I remember thinking, huh, that's weird, oh that's weird, oh that's unusual behavior. But I didn't think anything of it because they were such like insignificant things, right, like it was like little things.
Speaker 1:
Like you know, all of a sudden he needs his under underwear. All of a sudden he's worried about his belly fat. All of a sudden, you know, he's mangroovy or manscaping, when he never used to do that before. All of a sudden he's like obsessive about his breath and he's constantly chewing gum and it's like all these weird things that were never. He was never about coming home late from work, like ridiculously late from work, right, and you know always having a reason to go back to work, especially on a Friday or Saturday night at around 9 o'clock. Suddenly he gets called into work Like there was all these signs and I was clueless. I was like, okay, bye. Like when I tell you, deaf, dumb and blind, deaf, dumb and blind, like I had zero, my radar wasn't even up, like I wasn't even like, hmm, is something happening that I need to be concerned about? Nothing, nothing at all. So you know, fast forward now. There was a few months of this.
Speaker 1:
Then the call came, the call that actually changed everything. I remember it was a Sunday morning, we were laying in bed. This chick calls him up and it's all flirty on the phone with him. And I could hear her, I could hear everything she's saying so clearly and I'm like, oh my God, I can hear the tone in her voice, I could hear the flirtiness in her voice, I can hear the little like you know teasing little, you know comments that she's making, and I'm like, what the actual fuck? And so you know, all my spidey senses now are going off Because I'm hearing the conversation. I can flat out hear her, like you know, putting out an invitation Okay, let's just leave it at that. And you know I can see him getting all flustered and you know he's trying to, like, get off the phone quickly.
Speaker 1:
We were laying in bed at the time, by the way, we had just woken up, I can, and so I'm like I guess he might have noticed that I was kind of pressing my ear up against the phone to hear like more of the conversation. So he like rushes to get off the phone, closes it and immediately starts to like distract me with love and affection and good morning kisses. I'm like what the fuck was that? Seriously dude, like what the hell, and totally dismisses it, totally brushes it off, make some lame ass excuse for what the call was about, saying that you know she was house sitting in the area and that you know we should come over for coffee. I'm like, okay, let's do it then. Let's go for that coffee. I'm dying to see this house that she's house sitting Bullshit, all bullshit. Totally talked his way out of that and I gotta tell you. So what happens next is probably not what I would do, knowing what I know. Now. This was the best that I could do at the time, given where I was emotionally, mentally and spiritually Okay. So I really wanna make that clear. I am not saying this is the last day. If you're listening to this and you're in the situation, this is not what I'm recommending you do. Okay, let me make that clear.
Speaker 1:
I went into I don't know if you would call it was like a combination of fight, flight, freeze or fawn, like I was doing all of the above simultaneously. It was the craziest thing In my mind, like my mind and my emotions were swirling, fucking mass, like when I tell you blindsided like blindsided doesn't even begin to describe how this literally threw me off my equilibrium. I was like what the fuck is even like? What is well? Who am I even? What is this life Like? What is happening? Is this even reality anymore? Because it was so.
Speaker 1:
Not, it was the opposite of what I was believing. All this time, I was filled with fear. I was filled with anger, hate, seething, rage, like seething, like just oh, like it was like, if you could put a mental picture to it, it was like boiling red acid that I was filled with sadness, hurt, disbelief, numbness, even sometimes I was going through all the different stages of grief at the same time, literally. And I think you know the one thing that I was, the one mindset or belief that I was, you know, kind of stuck, not pat, like a mental pattern that I was stuck in, is I was, I was obsessing to figure out what was happening. What did this really mean? How much had happened? Are they friends? Are they sleeping together? Are they in a relationship, like what is going on? And I knew that they weren't friends because I heard her on the call. Like I knew friendship wasn't the thing, but I'm like, well, maybe it's a very flirty out of you know, inappropriate friendship, like maybe they're just, you know, when you're in that flirty situation ship where it's like you know, you're kind of talking around in circles and doing everything but engaging in the act, right. But I knew that it wasn't that because I heard what she said on the phone. It was definitely not. It was definitely clear that there was something going on between the two of them. I didn't know the extent of it and how long it had been going on, how deeply they were involved, how often were they seeing each other.
Speaker 1:
Like I did it, I was obsessing, trying to figure out all these details and I was also oscillating between two different states of being. And this is where the fight flight or font kind of came in. Either I was fighting and demanding a confession, like a full on confession, from him saying, yes, I cheated, this has been going on blah, blah, blah. I needed him to own it. I needed him to own up to it, to own up to what he'd done, to, to, number one, to show me that you know he is taking accountability for it. And number two, to put my mental, my mind, at ease, right, because I was constantly going into this self-doubt like, but it can't be, but it can't be, but it can't be. And he was making me feel crazy for even thinking that he was cheating on me, even though all the signs were there and I heard the call and everything.
Speaker 1:
And then there was other situations that happened. There were so many signs, you guys, I could do an episode just on the signs, but I don't wanna do that because, when taken out of context, it could, you know, a lot of these things were very insignificant. There was two or three key events that really, like, solidified it for me that this was going down, it was happening, whether I liked it or not, and I needed to accept it. But I was refusing to accept it because I didn't have a smoking gun right? Because, unless, even though I heard her on the phone, even though I heard her say what she said, even though I heard the tone in which she said it and even though I saw how fucking nervous he got when she called and how quickly he tried to dismiss it and then pretend that he didn't remember that she called or what she said. It was 10 minutes after.
Speaker 1:
Even though there was all of that, him telling me that it was all in my head was enough to make me doubt myself, and so I was going through this thing of like self doubt. So I just needed him to validate what I already knew internally. I needed him to validate and take accountability for and confirm that he had been cheating on me so I can put myself doubt at ease, because I didn't have the wherewithal to trust myself, because I had put all my trust, love and affection into this person, which is a very scary thing for me to not scary, but uncomfortable thing for me to admit right, and I think that was probably one of the hardest parts. And then so that was the one state of being, and the other state of being was just pretending it wasn't happening and living in this happy denial and like my look, we're still here, my happily ever after is still happening, nothing happened, we're good, it's all okay. So, and I would oscillate between these two states, of being for a very, very, very long time.
Speaker 1:
You guys, it was another probably seven years before things ended between us. And you know what, like to my defense, there was a lot of other things that went down in that seven years that made it very difficult for us to walk away from the relationship. We dealt with a lot, we were handed a lot more after that situation, right, really thinking that, you know, maybe this would bring us closer together and whatnot. But you know what? The patterns were always there. It was just a matter of what season we were in, you know, and they would always kind of come back to nip us in the butt every now and then. You know, and I think the last time was the one that broke the camels. It's rather broke the camels back, as they say, and it wasn't even that there was cheating, it was just I was just so tired of the disrespect that I just I had to just call it. I called it. I was like I can't do this anymore, like we're done.
Speaker 1:
So you know, going back to that period of seven years where I was either fighting for a confession and, believe me, I tried everything to get this confession, like couples counseling, fighting, mindset tech like my own personal mindset tech, like everything you could think of to try and get this confession or happy denial. And what ended up happening is, you know, we would get into these huge blowouts, right, huge, I mean huge blowouts and then you know I would get afraid that I would lose them, right. And then I would be like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, this is not what I want. And then I would go into happy denial and I would live there for as long as I can, right, until things exploded again.
Speaker 1:
Because when you hold on to that kind of doubt, fear, pain, hate, resentment, rage, it doesn't go anywhere. You can mask it all you want, it's still there beneath the surface. You can positive white light yourself all the fuck you want, but that shit's still in there. You know, that's why I'm not into this whole high-vibre mentality lifestyle that a lot of people push online, because I just think it's so fucking toxic. Like you need to deal with your shit. You need to deal with your shadow, right? So you know, I was holding on to all this hurt, all this anger, all this pain and I was just pretending to be happy. And, ironically what was happening as a result? Even when I was looking happy and everybody was like, oh look, she gets her happily ever after after all, I would go through my days all positive and in love, telling myself that, you know, my happy ending was still happening.
Speaker 1:
I would go to bed, I would go to sleep and at about two or three in the morning I would wake up in rage, scream like horror, screams like not even like these weren't like fears of sorry, these weren't screams of fear, like they weren't screams like. You know, when you're running from something in your dreams, something that's really scary, and you start screaming out of fear. These were like roars of rage that I was holding on the inside that were being released on the outside when I was sleeping, and I would wake up in these rages and I'd be pounding my fists. I remember one night I was just pounding my fists on the mattress and I was just roaring at the top of my lungs and he was so startled. And this wouldn't go on often, and I remember my last period of denial was quite long.
Speaker 1:
It was a few years where I was in denial, thinking that anything had happened, and I totally there was a point. I think there was a point where I had almost completely forgotten it. Actually, now that I think about it, cause we'd been through so much together, I'd almost completely forgotten it. But all that rage, all that anger, all that hatred was still in there inside of me and not being addressed. And then it was the smallest, insignificant not small, it wasn't a small and insignificant thing. But there were signs on we had taken this last trip together and I was just like, oh my God, this is not right, this is not, this is there's something wrong. I was still seeing, I was seeing flirting, I was seeing it was just so offensive the behavior on this trip. And then, coming back, we had the worst blowout we had ever had and I was just done. I was done. I was done with the lying, I was done with the gaslighting, I was done with the disrespect.
Speaker 1:
And that's when I kind of knew, I knew that I was done. I was like I cannot. I've gone as low as I can go. I cannot go any lower. Like I can't settle for any less, any less. Like this is it? I've reached my threshold. This stops now.
Speaker 1:
And within a millisecond, every emotion I had turned off there was. There was literally no. This is where the numbness came in. I had nothing left. I had no love, I had no hate, I had no anger, I had no rage, I had nothing. I was just, I was nope done. And it happened in a second. Now it would be a few months before things finally, like you know, ended between us.
Speaker 1:
But there was a moment, there was a moment where I was just no, this is done Like I can't, I can't, I can't imagine even one step forward with this person anymore. It's just, it's not right, it's not healthy. I was tired of it and that was, I think, my first real big wake up call, right, and I think you know, looking back, you know the more intense the fighting got, you know, and the more failed attempts at this pretending happy denial. None of that really, I mean it mattered, but it was, you know, it was the, it was the underlying issue to all of this happening, right, so it was the underlying issue of not being able to face it, wanting to live in happy denial, needing him to confirm. All came down to one thing and one thing only, and that is that I truly did not trust myself at all and I absolutely you know this, this, this, this infidelity sorry, I'm getting, I'm getting all rambling now.
Speaker 1:
The infidelity happening was a reflection of the not enough-ness that I felt within myself, and I think the big mistake for me, looking back on this relationship, was in the fact that when we got together, I had what I, what I thought was confidence was actually false confidence. I thought I was the most arrogant person. People would look at me and probably think I was the most arrogant person on the planet. It wasn't. It was actually false confidence. I was actually wildly insecure and lacked in self-worth, but being in this relationship kind of validated my worth to me. Being in this relationship made me feel lovable. Being in this relationship made me feel safe. So I put all these eggs into somebody else's basket. They were no longer in my basket, they were in his the trust in myself, the belief in myself, the worth in myself, the value in myself.
Speaker 1:
And so when this happened, when the cheating happened, facing it meant that I needed to face this underlying belief that I had within myself, which is I was not good enough. I had to actually like look at that. And I didn't want to. I wanted to pretend no, but I am good enough, see, because he loves me, he's with me, we're having our happily ever after. What's your fucking problem, like why can't you get it? But that wasn't the case. That wasn't the case. I needed to shit. I don't feel like I'm good enough, I don't feel like I'm worthy and I don't fucking trust myself, and I need to take a really good hard look at that, because this relationship is not can't, can't, can't put a bandaid over that for me anymore. It put a bandaid over that for as long as it could, could not put a bandaid over it anymore. I needed to look at my own self-worth issues. I needed to look at my own distrust that I had within myself, and that relationship was the wake up call that my life needed in order to fully love myself and do the work that I do.
Speaker 1:
And so I'm actually very fucking grateful to that relationship, because I gotta tell you, the way that my life has unfolded since has been nothing short of miraculous. Don't get me wrong. There's been tons of challenges and there's been tons more heartbreak, and there's been so much more like pain and loss and grief and healing, which is not always comfortable. But, man, when I think of the permission slip to step into my power and my worth that that relationship gave me. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat apps a fucking Lutli. So here are some things I learned going through that situation and being where I am now and having done the work that I have done. What I would do now, knowing what I know today, and to avoid going into that fight, flight or freeze or fun or denial approach that I was doing back in the day, here's what I would do differently If I were to teleport myself back into that situation.
Speaker 1:
Number one I would be honest with myself and with others about how I was feeling, and I want you to pay very close attention to this, because this is one of the things that I think I did as a very negative and toxic coping mechanism in dealing with the situation. I didn't tell anybody what I was experiencing. I not only was I not being honest with my partner about what I was feeling and how frustrated I was and the pain and the hurt. I mean I tried to, but again we were either like exploding in an argument or I was living in happy denial. I didn't really tell anyone of my friends what I was going through. I kept it all a secret. I did tell my family, like I've told a couple of my family members, but even with them I tried not to talk Like I would have my breakdown moment. I would cry, I would have a meltdown, I would have a patty I remember having a patty on the kitchen floor one day and then I would pretend that everything was okay.
Speaker 1:
And I think that you know there's a level of feeling shame, that you are being cheated on that we take on. You know it's like it's a reflection of, again, that belief that you hold within yourself. Oh, this is proof that I'm really not good enough, I'm really not worthy of a relationship. I really can't trust myself to choose the right people to be in a relationship with right, and it's just a confirmation of all those internal belief systems and so for us to be able to go out there and be able to share it with people. It's like. It's like we're basically saying hi, so I'm not good enough.
Speaker 1:
In case you didn't know, let me just fill you in on the details. You know we kind of make it mean something about who we are and what we're worth, and that's not what this is about. You need to be honest, you need to be open and you need to really be able to be comfortable expressing what you're feeling, what you're going through, and not making it feel like it means something about you in any way. You know that's really, really, really important. That's number one.
Speaker 1:
Number two I would find healthy ways to deal with the emotions that were coming up for me. You know, fight, flight or freeze or a happy denial clearly wasn't working or I would not be waking up screaming in the middle of the fucking night. You know, like I mean, that is pretty clear. So, finding healthy ways to deal with your emotions. You know, at the time, god, I wish I would have known to journal. You know, I wish I would have known to keep like a rage journal by my bedside where I could just let all of that out and acknowledge what I was feeling on the inside that was screaming for me to come out on the outside when my sleep. I wish I would have really given a voice to the pain, the hurt, the anger that I was feeling, the thoughts that I was having, the fears that it was bringing up. You know, there were so many things that I was burying beneath the surface because I didn't feel either equipped to handle it. Or you know, when we did try and talk about it again, it would end up in a big blow and I was afraid of losing him and so I would go right back to happy denial. You know, it just wasn't the way to do it. And we did go to couples counseling and things of that nature and that did help a lot. I'm not gonna say that it didn't and absolutely did, but I think even there I was holding back a huge piece of myself and not actually expressing the real depth of how vulnerable and how painful that experience actually was for me.
Speaker 1:
Number three I will say again and this goes back to what we just said find the support that you need right. So this is creating those safety circles, those safe circles for you to talk about what you're going through. Have a safe place, whether it's a family member, whether it's a friend, whether it's a therapist, whether it's a counselor, whether it's a support group, whether it's a coach or a healer, it doesn't matter, it's entirely up to you. The point is set up your system for support because you're gonna need it. You know there's so many things that get triggered in these situations.
Speaker 1:
You know when we talk about, you know, relationship trauma is a real thing and cheating and infidelity is one of the leading causes of relationship trauma. You know, because when you put your love and your trust blindly into this person and they blindside you and hurt you in this way, it can be extremely traumatizing, and it could be. You know you not only do you not trust other people, but you stop trusting yourself, and we're gonna talk about that in another episode coming up. But so for now, I need you to surround yourself with people and resources that you can trust, that you can lean into, that you can be yourself with. And I will say this you know, at the time when I was going through this, yeah, facebook was a thing, but it was more like to connect with your friends and whatnot. Oh my God, if I was going through what I was going through then.
Speaker 1:
Now there are so many circles you can find on Facebook for like everything. Just make sure that they're being managed by somebody who's credible, please. You know either a therapist or whatnot, or a counselor or a coach, but make sure you're working and make sure, if you are working with a coach, that they are trauma informed, because, oh my God, the damage you can do. Working with somebody who is not trauma informed when they're coaching you, whoa, that can actually do more damage than good. So, you know, make sure to find your peeps, find your circles, find those places where it feels safe, where there's come. You know you can connect with people that have kind of been through the same thing and can kind of, you know, hold space for you to be in this phase of your life and be able to extract from it all that you need to extract and the lessons that you need to take away with you so that you can come out of this more empowered, whole and healed on the other side of it.
Speaker 1:
You know that is so, so, so important because unfortunately, here's the thing, a lot of us, maybe we struggle to find friendships. Maybe, you know, we have a strange relationship with our family, you know, and we kind of feel a little bit alone. Or, or sometimes our family doesn't know how to deal with these things. They don't know the best advice to give, even though they're well-meaning, right, or our friends can be well-meaning but really can't connect with what we're going through. We need to find the support of people who have been there, who get it, who understand what we're feeling. We don't need to explain ourselves, we don't need to justify ourselves. They just fucking get it. Go out, find your people. Okay, they're out there, they're online. There's lots of free communities. Again, just be careful, be mindful, make sure you're talking to the right people, right and qualified people.
Speaker 1:
And the last thing is really, you know, don't rush the process. You know, this is all about this whole. I believe that the whole reason that this whole thing happened to me this situation, this relationship, the cheating, the infidelity, whatever it's because I wasn't loving myself and the only way to turn this around was to start loving myself, right, and that's really what we're talking about here today. That's what all these steps are about. It's about learning to love yourself. The most important thing in loving yourself, especially through the healing process, is to not rush it. You can't put a time stamp on it. Well, I've been sad long enough, so I need to put. I've been sad for a week, so I need to be happy, now switch. You know, or you know, maybe I've. You know, I've spent the last three days in bed eating chocolate. I gotta get up. I gotta go to the gym, I gotta go back on my keto.
Speaker 1:
Just listen, give yourself time, give yourself grace. It's gonna take as long as it takes, you'll have your good days, you'll have your bad days. Some days will feel worse than others. But what I can tell you is this the more you go through this like, the more time goes on and you've heard this before and I know it sounds like a cliche, but honestly, the more time goes on, the better you'll feel, the longer good days you'll have between the bad days and vice versa. So not vice versa the longer the good days between the bad days and the longer the space between the bad days. Is what I was trying to say, and just trust it.
Speaker 1:
You know, even if it comes up like like God, like I think mine came up like a few months ago and this was years ago you know where something triggered me and I remembered something that you know happened and it was like fuck, like how are we, how am I still upset about this? But it happens and it's okay and the self-loving thing to do is to acknowledge those feelings when they come up, I really believe that if we were just to love ourselves and be present with our pain, with our emotions as it comes up, instead of trying to like gaslight ourselves out of it. We wouldn't need coaches and healers and therapists, wouldn't, because really it all comes down to all our healing, all our therapy. For the most part, I know there's obviously you know there's a lot of complex. You know mental conditions and emotional and chemical imbalances that people can have.
Speaker 1:
But on a general scale, you know if you have unhealed shit right, it's usually because when the shit happened you didn't know how to deal with it and so you processed it in a way that was almost that was unhealthy and maybe even a little destructive to you at the time. Maybe you buried it, maybe you put yourself in denial, maybe you made it mean something about you, maybe you made a story around it, whatever, there's so many things. If we just learn healthy ways of coping with our emotions and moving through pain and trauma and hurt and loss because let me tell you something, these are all a natural fucking part of life and we would do our children a hell of a lot better, I think, teaching them how to process difficult, complex emotions at a very young age, as opposed to teaching them geometry or trigonometry. Hello, anybody ever have to use a square root of pi in their life? Ever no. But when was the last time you had to process heavy emotions? Last week, for the 10th time this month, and it's only March 11th, which would have made that March what fourth.
Speaker 1:
Come on, people. We need to start loving ourselves. We need to start moving through our emotions in healthy, self-loving ways, and that is the only way to undo the damage that we've done. And when you're in a situation like this, that is exactly what you need. If you're in a situation where you're being cheated on, you're being lied to and you're being gaslighted, it's time to be your greatest support. It's time to be that best friend Whatever you would say to a best friend that was going through what you're going through right now. You need to now say that to yourself and you need to move yourself through this situation. And if you need support, absolutely you can book a one-on-one with me. We can work through this together.
Speaker 1:
Obviously, I've been down that road, but for now, again, be honest with yourself, find healthy ways to deal with your emotions, find the support that you need and please, please, please, do not rush this process, and I promise you you will come out stronger and better on the other side of this. I promise okay, remember to love yourself the way that you want to be loved, and I promise you. I promise you you will be. And if you're ready to create a massive up-level in your relationships and your life, click the link below this podcast and book your one 90-minute intensive with me.
Speaker 1:
These are powerful 90-minute sessions where we will get laser focused to create massive change and transformation in your life and your relationships. If you've got a question, if there's anything you're curious about struggling with or just dying to know about me, hit me up at mariethefemcoachcom and let me know all about it. Who knows, you just might inspire the next episode of the Femcast and if you loved this episode, it would mean the world to me if you would leave a positive rating and review on Apple Podcast or Spotify or wherever you're listening to this episode. That is all for now, you guys. Until next time, massive love.