The Femme Cast
THE RED FLAGS I IGNORED | HOW THE THINGS I IGNORED IN THE BEGINNING WERE THE REASON I LEFT IN THE END
Ever brushed off those nagging feelings in a new relationship, thinking, "It's probably not a big deal"? Think again! In this episode of The Femme Cast, we dive deep into the consequences of ignoring red flags early on. I’m spilling the tea on my own experience with turning a blind eye to warning signs. And spoiler alert—it didn’t end well.
Join us as we unpack what red flags really are, why they matter, and how to recognize them before they turn into deal-breakers. Whether you’re questioning if that little voice in your head is being overly dramatic or you’re knee-deep in a situation you know isn’t right, this episode will give you the clarity and courage to trust your instincts.
Have you ever ignored a red flag and later regretted it? DM me on Instagram @TheFemmeCast and let me know all about it. Let’s create a conversation.
Let's do this!
Are you ready to create a massive uplevel in your life and relationships? If so, use the link below to book your 90-minute Uplevel + Flow Intensive. This is a powerful 90-minute session where we go deep to energetically shift your relationship patterns, so that you can magnetize more loving and supportive relationships without the chase...just flow!
https://thefemmecast.com/healthy-love-intensive/
Are you ready to begin your heart healing journey today and manifest the love that you desire? If so, use the link below to register for my FREE Magnetize Love Meditation Series . A 3 part series designed to help you heal from heartbreak and manifest love you've always wanted, but never thought you would find.
https://thefemmecast.ck.page/meditations
Are you ready to rewrite your love story + glow from the inside out? If so, use the link below to register for my 21 Day Radical Self-Love Challenge.
https://thefemmecast.ck.page/21daychallenge
Want to get to know the more intimate details of my story? If so, click the link below to access The Femme Cast Diaries.
https://thefemmecast.substack.com/
Ever brushed off those nagging feelings in a new relationship, thinking, "It's probably not a big deal"? Think again! In this episode of The Femme Cast, we dive deep into the consequences of ignoring red flags early on. I’m spilling the tea on my own experience with turning a blind eye to warning signs. And spoiler alert—it didn’t end well.
Join us as we unpack what red flags really are, why they matter, and how to recognize them before they turn into deal-breakers. Whether you’re questioning if that little voice in your head is being overly dramatic or you’re knee-deep in a situation you know isn’t right, this episode will give you the clarity and courage to trust your instincts.
Have you ever ignored a red flag and later regretted it? DM me on Instagram @TheFemmeCast and let me know all about it. Let’s create a conversation.
Let's do this!
Are you ready to create a massive uplevel in your life and relationships? If so, use the link below to book your 90-minute Uplevel + Flow Intensive. This is a powerful 90-minute session where we go deep to energetically shift your relationship patterns, so that you can magnetize more loving and supportive relationships without the chase...just flow!
https://thefemmecast.com/healthy-love-intensive/
Are you ready to begin your heart healing journey today and manifest the love that you desire? If so, use the link below to register for my FREE Magnetize Love Meditation Series . A 3 part series designed to help you heal from heartbreak and manifest love you've always wanted, but never thought you would find.
https://thefemmecast.ck.page/meditations
Are you ready to rewrite your love story + glow from the inside out? If so, use the link below to register for my 21 Day Radical Self-Love Challenge.
https://thefemmecast.ck.page/21daychallenge
Want to get to know the more intimate details of my story? If so, click the link below to access The Femme Cast Diaries.
https://thefemmecast.substack.com/
Hey you guys, what is up? And welcome back to the show. I'm so excited and grateful to have you here and I'm excited for this conversation. I'm gonna take you back, guys, to the beginning of my heyday, quite honestly, with today's little storytelling, and I just wanted to start by saying it is really, really true what they say, and when this came to me the other day, I was like damn it, why didn't I see this sooner? Um, it is really true what they say, and I've. I know I've heard this before and I wish I could quote where I've heard it, but I'm just going to reiterate it here and this is my take on it.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But the red flags that you ignore today will be the reason you walk away tomorrow and tomorrow. By tomorrow I mean the next day, the next week, the next decade. Okay, so, before you waste any more of your valuable time, please know that these red flags that you might be seeing are not going to go away. They're going to get bigger, louder, more, annoying, more in your face until you are forced to look at them. They might even slap you in the face if you're not paying attention, like they did for me. So take it as a lesson learned. Okay, this episode is for you if you're in a new relationship and maybe you're seeing some red flags and you're not really sure what to do. Or maybe you're thinking they're not that bad, maybe they're not that red, maybe they're kind of a hue of pink. I know I've seen that on a meeting before. I didn't think the flag was really that red it is. Or maybe you're not sure if what you're seeing is really a red flag at all and if it's a cause for concern. So a little question I wanted to preface this episode with is what red flags have you ignored that have come back at some point or another to bite you in the ass later on in the relationship? I'm really curious. I'm dying to know. I know I've had this happen to me several times, especially back early in the journey. Now I've gotten a little bit smarter about it and I know when my instincts, when my inner alarms are going off, it's time to pay attention. So I'm just curious, if that's ever come up for you, what it looked like, what it felt like. Did you ignore it? What happened? Dm me and Instagram at the femcast and let me know all about it. Let's have a conversation in the DMs about this, because I'm really curious to know. You guys, you can find all my links and everything in the show notes below.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:However, let's start with this okay, definition of a red flag Relationship. Red flags are warning signs that there may be unhealthy patterns or behaviors between you and your partner. Now, when I say red flags, this can mean so many fucking things, you guys, and it really all depends on and I'm going to make you think about this today it really all depends on what your non-negotiables are what are you willing to accept in a relationship and what are you not willing to accept in a relationship? You have to get really clear on those two things. Actually, let me rephrase that what you want out of a relationship and what are you no longer willing to accept or tolerate in a relationship. Okay, be really clear on what you want and be really clear on what you're not going to tolerate or accept anymore. And any deviation on like, any deviation from the wants or any like and I'm talking like primary, like you know, value-based priorities and guides here, you guys and standards, like I'm not talking about what this guy looks like, how much he makes, how he dresses, like I'm talking about the fundamental, core issues Like how does he treat you, how does he show up in the relationship, what's the communication like? You know the things that are really important, the things that matter to you. These are the things that I want you to consider, okay, and any deviation from what your standards are, or if you see any red flags for behaviors that you know you're not willing to tolerate in a relationship, that is a sign. That is a sign. Pay attention. Are you listening to me? Okay, that's enough. I'm having fun today. I don't know why.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So I'm going to tell you a little story, okay, about the time that I ignored a very obvious red flag in my relationship. And let me tell you, this relationship went on for years and I invested a lot into this relationship. Okay, I could have saved myself a short lifetime had I acted on it immediately, which was my first impulse. Anyway, I don't know how the fuck I ever talked myself out of it, but whatever, we're here today because of that experience. So let's appreciate it right. I'm always a big believer of we go through things because it helps us to learn and grow and evolve and, honestly, had I not gone through that experience, I would not be like on my soapbox right now helping you guys out with yours. So let that be the benefit and the blessing that came out of that. Please, I need something. So, anyway, by the time everything ended, you know, it was years later, a lot of pain and a lot of heartbreak, and I could have saved myself all of that had I just acted on it sooner. Okay, so let me set the stage Now.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:If you want the more detailed version of this, I have started writing more of my experience in my diaries. I've also left I believe I left a link to that down below in the show notes, so you can check it out there. I think it's at the very bottom. I think my Instagram is there too. If you want to message me your questions and if not, just go to my Instagram at TheFemcast and send me a DM. Two, if you want to message me your questions and if not, just go to my Instagram at TheFemcast and send me a DM.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Let's have a chat about this, because I'm really curious how many of you have seen the red flag, ignored the red flag, and how long did it take you to live, to regret it? Because I know mine took me a while, but nonetheless, it was like, when I tell you, it was a mirror moment, that of the very beginning, the, the snapshot of the beginning of our relationship to the end, years later. It was like I was looking, I, it was like I was having fucking deja vu. The incidences were so like and I was like, wow, this I, I totally saw this heartbreak coming like miles and years away. I could have predicted this. Like what the actual fuck? Anyway, let's get on with the story. So let me take you back right to the beginning. Sorry, and I'm adjusting my headphones so you might hear some crackling right now, but they're slipping off my head.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So, years ago, we're at a bar Saturday night and I do apologize, I'm not an alcoholic, but the next few episodes are all going to be taking place in bars, fyi. So we're at a bar one Saturday night with all our friends. I'm standing right there in front of him with all my girls around me and all his boys around him. Okay, actually, we had just come off the dance floor, me and my girls, and we were, like you know, partying it up. You know, our martini glasses were empty, so we needed a refill. So we head on over to the bar and there he is with all his boys.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But I've noticed that he is clueless to the fact that I've come back from the dance floor. It's, and I'm pretty sure it was his birthday when all this was going down. Like I'm pretty sure it was his birthday and I'm pretty sure his friends were liquoring him up good that night Like I could count on them for that, you know. And so I think he was oblivious to the fact that I was there and he was already half in the bag, like it wasn't even, like it wasn't even midnight yet. The guy's already half in the bag, like it wasn't even, like it wasn't even midnight yet. The guy's already half in the bag. So I'm standing there he's not seeing me right now, but I do see his friends looking at me and they're all there around him and their jaws are just hitting the floor.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You guys, I'm like, wow, can I help you pick your jaw up off the ground? And it wasn't because I looked really hot that night although maybe I did, who's to say, I can't really remember but I'm pretty sure that the jaws on the floor had everything to do with the fact that there was a girl standing in front of my guy at the time, who was, by the way, very well endowed. I will say that she was a beautiful girl, like she was just such an attractive little thing and you know, I would probably gawk at her. Like, to be honest, you know what I mean Like I would probably gawk at her. But all that said, you know, there's my guy at the time and he's talking to her and he's got his glass in his hand and it's like tipping over and like practically spilling all over, like he can't hold his drink anymore. He's so far gone and he's talking to her but his face, you guys, is right up in her junk, like right, smack dab between her breasts. Like he's so close. He looks like he's about to motorboat all over her, like he it was so blatantly obvious His head was down, right down into her cleavage. As he was talking, he wasn't even looking at her face, he wasn't even making eye contact. His eyes were popping out of this, out of his head. This goes beyond the male gaze, you guys. This was like I mean the male, I don't even know how to call it Like it was, like he was basically like assaulting her with his eyes. He was dangerously close, like if it had been done in today's environment, he would have got punched and probably like charged. But this was a different time. This was a different time, different place, different generation.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Okay, and so as this was happening and I'm watching all this this unfold, and now my jaw is dropping, that this is happening, I'm like, do you even fucking see me here, dude? Like I'm standing right here watching you talk to this girl's chest and I'm like, and I'm just nodding you can see my head when I nod. It's not good, it's never a good sign. And his friends are looking right at me, like first they're looking at him and their jaws are dropping, are looking right at me, like first they're looking at him and then their jaws are dropped. And then they're looking at me and their jaws are dropped, and then they're looking at each other like what the fuck? What are we going to do? Because she is pissed and they could tell. And I was like uh-huh.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So I walked away, still clueless that I was there, by the way, totally clueless. I walked away. I grabbed my friends we go to me and went to grab me in the arm and I was so livid, not to mention like really fucking humiliated, you know what I mean Like that's really gross to see your guy all over like some girl, like that, in front of all your friends and all his friends, like talk about disrespectful, you know what I mean. And drunk or not, like that shit is just not okay. So I, you know, walked off and, as you know, buddy chased after me and I said listen. He grabbed my arm and I'm like look, he, he's drunk and he's now your problem and I'm leaving.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So we grabbed our coats, we're walking out the door and all of a sudden all of them come like zooming out of the club. You know, it was kind of like I think it was like I don't know if it was the back door no, it was pretty, it was the front door of the club, but it was. It backed onto an alley. So they ran out into the alley behind the club and you know, all of a sudden, like there's my guy like vomiting all over the alley Because I guess, like I mean the alcohol had finally cut up to him and he had had way too much to drink that night and he had had way too much to drink that night. And I look over, damn it. I look over to see if he's okay. And I'm like, no, no, we're not going to do this.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And I kept walking and his buddy comes up to me again saying, look, he's really drunk and he needs you. And I'm like now I know better. Now I know what that meant. See, when I was younger, to me that was like, oh, he needs me, a puppy that needs to be fixed. Oh, let me love him and take him home. Big mistake, huge. Because now what I know that to mean is, hey, we don't want to take care of a sorry ass for the rest of the night, even though we're the ones that got him drunk. So can you please come take care of him so we can continue the party on the inside. That's what that actually meant. It's amazing how truths like are unveiled to you just by the sheer like age and memory of recalling some of these events and what you made them mean when you were younger versus what you're making them mean now, and how you see things so much more clearly. So, please, guys, it's not them they're worried about, it's not your guy they're worried about If this ever happened to you. It's not your guy that they're worried about, it's their own party that's happening on the inside, that they want to get back to, okay, but nonetheless I interpreted that as oh, but he needs me.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:What better way to hook an empath than to tell her the guy needs her? It's like, it's like catnip for us, you know, it's like. It's like empathic girl porn. Oh my God, a wounded guy who needs fixing and soothing and healing and tending to Jesus. Can I pop a button now? But anyway, so of course I go over and I'm like I can remember. I mean, I can't hold his hair, he's not a girl, but I can remember, kind of like rubbing my hand on his back and I'm just I'm rolling my eyes, going you fucknut. Like I just saw you like visually defiling some poor girl in the bar and now here I am soothing and taking care of you.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So sign number two resentment, Already starting right. Like, oh my God, I can't believe I'm sitting here fucking taking care of you and you're just oogling that girl and I swear you were in a motorboat. Resentment okay, that's a sign something's not right. So, um, anywho, I really don't remember what happened after that. The only thing I can say is like a moron, you guys, I went back and I was so mad at myself for going back. Right, enter guilt and pity as soon as this friend's told me that he needed me and it was enough to get me to go back. And so little did I know at that time what I was seeing with my own eyes and what I was witnessing, because at the end of the day, I just chalked it up to okay, fine, you know what? Fuck? He was drunk, he didn't know what he was doing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know all the excuses, but the reality is is that everything that I saw that night ended up only getting so much worse as time went on.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Okay, that was just the beginning. Let that be a lesson to you all. You know that little bit of disrespect off the get-go that's only going to intensify, because if they can't be on their best behavior in the first listen to me in the first six months of a relationship, everybody's on their best behavior, everybody. They are showing a side of themselves that they didn't even know existed. If they really want you and are into you, you know what I mean they are just pulling out all the stops. Whatever you're seeing in the first six months, I would say, divided by four, and that's probably what they're going to be like for the rest of their lives. Like, seriously, it'll be 25% of what you're seeing in the first six months, okay, so maybe use that as kind of a gauge of what they're gonna be like on a long-term basis.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And the little things that are annoying you are probably gonna get more magnified, so make sure you can live with them. And the things that you're like, oh my God, this is the best thing since sliced bread. I can't believe I found a guy who actually acts this way. Expect that to tone down a notch, okay, you're going to end up somewhere in the middle, but just be aware of those two things the things that are annoying you and triggering you and are probably not the best behavior those are probably being downplayed. And the things that you're being really impressed by and that are really hooking you in and like, oh my god, I have to have this for the rest of my life. That's probably being exaggerated Just a tad. 25% rule. So anyway, you know, let that be a lesson to you all. You know, don't let guilt be the reason that you suddenly drop your boundaries and lower your standards.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Okay, red flags are there for a reason. Okay, they're called red flags for a reason we need to pay attention to them. No more running towards them, like I sure did. Oh man, if I look back on some of the dudes that I've dated in my life and all the red flags that were there, like right from the get go, like before I even knew their name, I saw the red flags and it was like, but he's so cute, oh my God. But I'm so attracted to him. But the chemistry, oh my God, we're like soulmates.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Yeah, anyway, years later, and countless episodes of chatting and flirting and lying and gaslighting and infidelity, okay, he does it again. Exactly the same way Sorry, I just tapped my earphones Exactly the same way where he was drunk one night Actually, no, in one day, because this all happened in broad daylight this time, you guys and this was an older woman who had her I think it was probably her teenage daughter with her at the time and you know she was very well endowed again and he was drunk again and in front of her, as they were walking by us and we were, they were walking towards us and we were like crossing paths. He walks up to her and basically says, hey, how you doing Having a good day, and like is literally talking to her cleavage in front of her daughter, her daughter's jaw hit the floor and, like, both of them are looking at me like what the fuck are you doing with this fucker? And then I'm like what the fuck am I doing with this fucker who keeps doing this to me? This is exactly what happened like 15 years ago and he's still doing it today. And here we are and I'm like, wow, some things just never change. And when I looked at like everything that had gone on in our relationship, kind of in between, and then, from you know, going back, you know, I was having that moment where, you know, again, I was just so disgusted, so humiliated.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And, of course, when he would sober up, both times he didn't have any recollection of either of these moments, or, if he did, he denied it. You know, that's what these guys, that's what a gaslighter, will do. I never did that. That never happened. I'm like, but it did and I saw it. I never did that. That never happened, I'm like, but it did and I saw it.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And you can tell me that it didn't, even though I was right fucking in the room with you and you've never not remembered an incident from having drunk too much. Do you know what I mean? Like, this guy was not the guy to forget details because he was drunk the night before. He never blocked out, he always remembered everything, but yet these details he never seemed to remember. Hmm, interesting.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But you know no hesitation to tell me oh no, that never happened. But you know no hesitation to gaslight me and to believe, even though I fucking saw it with my own eyes and I was sober and I could put one foot in front of the other and chew gum at the same time. You know there's no reason for me to have a lapse in memory. But thank you for gaslighting me. Really appreciate that.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Anyway, can you tell there's a little bitterness. Listen, the bitterness is not to the cheating, the bitterness is to the gaslighting because it just it makes me really angry when I think back to how that behavior made me question myself. And that part makes me angry because the reality is, you know, sometimes we give so much, we really want to believe people and give them the benefit of the doubt, especially when it means it saves us some heartbreak. You know it's so easy to do and I think that's probably why I mean there are so many reasons why I wanted to believe what he was telling me, even though I knew with my own eyes what I had seen. It's so easy to just say, oh, maybe it did never happen, or maybe it wasn't the way I interpreted it, or maybe I'm being too harsh, or, you know, he was drunk. Maybe he really doesn't remember, but he does, because if he remembers everything else, why would he remember? Why would he just forget those two incidences? You know what I mean. Anyhow, you have to look at the pattern of behavior as well. That's also very important. But nonetheless, he claimed never to remember either.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:After he sobered up, he, you know, made that excuse often and in the end, you know that wasn't enough anymore. You know, it was enough for me for quite some time, but after a while it was like nope, but it's just not enough, because I know what I saw and I know what I witnessed and that's just not right. And listen, guys, that's not the reason why I left. Know what I witnessed, and that's just not right. And listen, guys, that's not the reason why I left, but it was an indicator of how the relationship was going to unfold and what kind of treatment I could expect from this person, because there was so much lying, so much cheating, so much gaslighting, honestly, and that incident at the bar in the beginning was foreshadowing so much of what was going to unfold in the relationship. Like it's crazy. And in the end, when I saw that moment where you know we're crossing paths with this woman and her daughter and you know he's like basically falling into her fucking cleavage right in front of me and they're looking at me like dude, like girl, like grab your dude, like this is gross, when I looked at that and I remember I immediately I can remember pulling him away and being, and I remembered going back in my mind but sweetie, please don't be surprised, this is not the first time. And again my jaw hit the floor. It's like not the first time. And again my jaw hit the floor. It's like, fuck, this was my first warning bell and I ignored it.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And the last 15 years of all this heartbreak, all this lying, all this cheating, all this gaslighting, all could have been avoided from that one incident. And here we are 15 years later. So much like couples therapy and like talking and sharing and crying and fighting and blah, blah, blah. And here we are 15 years later and he's doing the exact same thing, the same thing that he denied doing 15 years ago. I would never do that to you, baby, never in a million years would I do that to you. I only have eyes for you. Yeah, bullshit, here you are again, you know, and again, that was just the sandwich on the Oreo cookie center, like those were like the bookends, right.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:There was the event from 15 years ago and the event that you know, in the end, right before things ended between us, when I walked away and there was all the gooey shit in the middle right, and that's where all the real interesting things took place was in the middle right, and that's where all the real interesting things took place was in the middle right. It was just the bookend and it was just. It was almost like that come, not a come to Jesus moment. I don't want to call it a come to Jesus moment, but it was an awakening. It was like, fuck, I could have seen this coming. I could have seen all of this coming. And not only that, it was the first moment where I said to myself you know what, had I just listened to myself and trust myself, all this shit could have been avoided, that I'd been through. But what a beautiful lesson that I have gained from that experience that I can share with you guys, lesson that I have gained from that experience that I can share with you guys.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So you know, again, let me tell you I had so much forgiveness work to do on myself just for going back the first time, because when I put two and two together and I realized I could have saved myself all that grief and heartache, man, did I have some forgiveness work to do for me? On me for being angry with me for not listening to myself all those years and all those times I tried to deny what I knew was going on behind closed doors or right in front of my face. Really, it was hard and I think sometimes, when we have to do the forgiveness work on ourselves, it's literally the hardest work that we have to do. Like when people say you're never harder than anyone than you are on yourself. It's so true, and that comes with shit like this too. Like when we make decisions that in the end, cause us any sort of heartache or grief. Man, we just take that to the grave with, and sometimes we don't even know it's there, because a lot of times we project that onto other people and we say it's this guy's fault or that chick's fault or whatever, it's that circumstance's fault. But when we start to work through and do the healing work on all that, it's like we realize fuck, it's myself. I've been angry with this whole time. Who knew? Anyway, very interesting turn of events, you guys.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So nonetheless, you know, shortly after that incident was when things ended between us and you know I had no remorse at that point at ending things because things had gone so far south, literally. But the forgiveness work again that I had to do at that point for taking him back and for even for sticking around all those years, mostly out of guilt, you know. But you know I will say, you know, my biggest advice and takeaway from that experience and what I would love for you guys to take away from all of this is number one like I said in the very beginning, figure out what your red flags are. What are those unhealthy patterns, behaviors, episodes of, you know, disrespect or whatever that you're just not willing to tolerate in your relationships? What is it that you're willing to look at your past relationships? What is it that you're not willing to accept anymore? Write that down, I can tell you.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Lying, cheating and gaslighting were the top of my list, but also pay attention to what it is you do want. I wanted honesty. I wanted integrity. I wanted somebody who, when we're together and when we're not together, I am the only woman in the world. You know he can talk to other women, of course, it's never an issue, but I want to know that, when it comes to intimacy, I am the only woman in the world, and when we're in a room together, in a room full of people, I am the only woman in that room. No-transcript, you know. Going forward.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So what are those things that you're not willing to tolerate and what are those things that you want in a partner and you're not willing to settle on? Really, make note of those two things and let those be your guiding light in this process and be prepared to add and subtract things as you move through the journey, because there may be things that are going to irritate the fuck out of you that you've not even experienced yet. Right, give yourself permission to go back to your list and make adjustments as needed. I'm telling you guys, like this is not, this is not a one and done exercise Like this gets to be an evolution over time of what you want in a partner and in a relationship, and you get to ask for it and you get to expect it, right, and there gets to be no settling or compromising of any kind, especially when it comes to the core things, right, and I always talk about core things because there's a difference between standards in how they treat you and how they show up in the relationship, versus what their resume looks like or what their wardrobe looks like. I mean, these are all nice things, right, I'm not saying that they're not. But it has to go deeper than that. It has to you guys, because, let me tell you, this guy checked all the boxes in terms of, like, career, wardrobe, appearance, um, social life, like, I mean, checked all the boxes, but it was the fundamental, like core values that were off kilter and those were the ones that actually, you know, ultimately led to the end of the relationship anyway, so the rest didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. So that's the second thing Be prepared to add and change things as you go and as you experience new relationships with new triggers and new red flags that you may not have experienced before. Number three when you do see a red flag early on in the relationship. Number three when you do see a red flag early on in the relationship, it's okay to walk away. Okay, there is no listen.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:If something, if somebody is being disrespectful towards you or if they're fundamentally showing you some unhealthy behaviors or behaviors that you're not willing to tolerate, then they're showing you who they are. Yeah, you can have a conversation with them and say you know, I don't really find that kind of behavior, I find it disrespectful. But there's limits to this. You guys Like let me see if I can pull an example here Like example here. Like, if it's something fundamental, like flirting with other, blatantly flirting with other women in front of you to me, and you guys take this for what it's worth. But if somebody is with you and is flirting with other women in front of you, that to me is a disrespect. Do you know what I mean? Like it doesn't matter, you don't.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You shouldn't need to point out to him that you shouldn't flirt in front of other women in front of me. You can talk to and be friendly and polite and chivalrous to other women in front. Sure, I want, I want that in a partner. I want a partner who treats women with fucking respect. I don't care if it's me or another woman, right. But to flirt with another woman in front of me, that's a different story. That to me is very disrespectful.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Or to talk to women in an inappropriate way or saying inappropriate things, that's a fundamental, that's a core value. You know what I mean. Things, that's a fundamental, that's a core value. You know what I mean and that's what you're not willing to negotiate on. There's other things you can negotiate on, sure, and maybe he did some things that irritate you that maybe he didn't consider. You know, like hey, really hate when I'm talking to you and you don't put your phone down to like make eye contact with me, sorry, babe, sorry.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And then you know he stops and whatever. That's different. You know that's just somebody being absent-minded and hopefully he doesn't do that all the time. But again, if he does it all the time, then it's an issue, right? Because now you don't feel like you're making, you're connected, you don't feel like you have good communication between the two of you, you don't feel like you're being listened to, you don't feel like you're being acknowledged, and that can you know. That can all stem from much deeper things, but do you see the difference that I'm trying to parallel here, like there's a huge difference in just absent-mindedness, right Tendencies, versus, like core, fundamentally dysfunctional or toxic behavior. You know there's a huge difference between the two, so make sure you're aware. Toxic behavior you know there's a huge difference between the two, so make sure you're aware.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And then, when again you know, when you walk away, be willing to do it without any guilt. Guys, it was totally the guilt that hooked me back in. I was walking away, I was done Me and my girls were out. We were out the club, we were leaving, we had our coats on. I'm sauntering in my little stilettos down the alley, we're headed to the parking garage. I'm like what the fuck? Guilt, guilt made me turn back around. Don't give in.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know what we do so many things that we can feel guilty for, and that's fine and we can like, like fine, feel guilty if you must. But when it comes to your values, your standards in a relationship and upholding and meeting those standards and values, that is nothing to feel guilty for, because the only reason that you would feel guilty for having values and boundaries in a relationship and standards is because for some reason, you don't think you're worthy of those things and you don't think you're worthy of those things and you don't think you're good enough and you think who might even ask for this, which is bullshit? It is absolute bullshit. That's what we've been, that's what we've been taught to believe and that's the work that I do. Right, and I'm doing all that. But you know, really, like, if you stop yourself and think and ask yourself, why am I feeling guilty for having standards and boundaries and upholding them Like? And what in my world made me think this was bad behavior? Because it is not honey, it is. That is what you. That is. That is a criteria that I have for each and every one of you.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Listening is to have the set of values and boundaries and standards and to live and breathe them because you know what. No one's going to show up for you the way you need them to unless you know exactly what it is you're looking for in a relationship, and there is something so powerful about a woman who can be on her own, enjoy and live her best fucking life until buddy shows up to meet all that criteria, rather than settling for breadcrumbs, which is I did, which is what I did for the majority of my life and, hopefully, what I can stop you from doing. So, remember, the red flags you ignore today are the very thing that's probably gonna make you walk away in the end, so you can save yourself a lot of guilt, a lot of regret and a lot of heartbreak. Know your standards, know your boundaries and be willing to shamelessly uphold and defend them because you deserve it. Okay, there's nothing to feel guilty for. There's nothing to be afraid of. You're not doing this because you're trying to be a bitch or you're too entitled or all the things that people will point out about you.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:When you start to have standards and really look at upholding them, okay, you're really looking for, if you're looking for your relationship, a solid relationship. If you're looking for your person, you're just creating clarity over what that relationship gets to look like and what it is that you need in a partner in order to be in a fulfilling relationship. And there is something so powerful about a woman who is just not willing to settle for anything less and can go on and live her best him life until he shows up, seriously, okay. So if you're ready to create a massive up level in your life, in your relationships, dm me up level on Instagram and book your 90-minute up level and flow intensive with me. This is exactly the work that we do together. This is a powerful 90-minute session where we will energetically shift your toxic relationship pattern so that you can magnetize healthy love.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:That is all for now. You guys. Stop waiting, stop chasing and stop convincing them to choose you. Choose yourself and become a magnet for healthy love instead, the kind that chooses you every single time. Okay, if you love this episode, it would mean the world to me if you would leave a positive rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever else you're seeing this episode. Until next time. Massive love, you guys.