FEELING UNWANTED AND UNLOVABLE | HOW YEARS OF REJECTION, NEGLECT AND INFIDELITY IN MY RELATIONSHIPS DEVASTATED MY CONFIDENCE AND SELF-WORTH

Have you ever felt completely unwanted and unlovable after (or even during) a painful relationship? I have. And in this raw and relatable episode of The Femme Cast, I share my personal journey through years of rejection, neglect, and infidelity. These experiences wreaked havoc on my confidence and self-worth, setting me on a very painful path of very toxic and emotionally abusive relationships.

Join me as I uncover the emotional impact of relationship trauma, exploring how constant rejection and fading intimacy eroded my sense of self. I’ll walk you through the rollercoaster of insecurities and fears I faced, and how I grappled with the fallout of feeling unwanted and unworthy.

In this episode, I reveal the deep-seated challenges of overcoming feelings of unworthiness and the crucial steps needed to reclaim your self-worth. I share insights from my own seven-year hiatus from relationships, emphasizing the importance of grieving, nurturing yourself, and doing the inner work to heal emotional wounds. Discover how to prevent repeated negative experiences and rebuild your self-esteem before stepping into new relationships.

Let's do this.

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Transcript

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 0:32

Hey you guys, what is up and welcome back to the show. I'm so excited and grateful to have you here we're going to. I had a plan for today and I still have my notes in front of me, but I think we're gonna veer from the plan. To be completely honest, I'm going off in a not a different direction. We're still gonna be talking about relationships over the next. You know we'll always be talking about relationships, but over the next. You know we'll always be talking about relationships, but over the next few months I want to get into some of the more challenging and transformational parts of my relationship healing journey. And you know I'm already feeling a little bit unnerved knowing that I'm going to be sharing these things. My nervous system is feeling a little bit raw and dysregulated, so I will do my best to get through this. I've also got my AC off right now because I just can't record with my AC and it is blistering hot in here already.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 1:26

So today we're talking about relationships where you might be in a relationship, where you're feeling really unwanted and unlovable in that relationship, and how years of rejection, neglect and infidelity in my relationships really devastated my confidence and my self-worth. That was the original conversation. But I also want to talk about how that set me up for the challenges and the transformation and the heartbreak that was coming, and all the things I did wrong, all the mistakes I made along the way. And you know, having you know, having been on the other side of this now, and you know, 10 years later 10 years ish, probably more closer to 15, but whatever you know, 10 years later, 10 years-ish, probably more closer to 15, but whatever, you know, having learned what I've learned, what I would do differently. You know, usually on these podcasts we talk about here was my problem, this is what I did, and here's how I fixed it. Well, actually, no, here was my problem. Here was everything I fucked it up with. Here's what, everything I did to fuck it up even more and make it a bigger problem, right. And then here's a lesson I learned along the way, and here's what I would do differently if I was in the same position again. It I just did it, probably 10 years too late, so, or five years too late, I can't remember. The whole last 15 years, guys, is just one big like healing transformational void vacuum. I don't even know where to begin with that, it's just been a hot mess, but so, yeah, so let's dive in, right?

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 3:16

If anything, if there's anything that I want you to take away from today's episode, it's that, you know, being in those kinds of relationships where you feel unlovable, where you're constantly being rejected, neglected, cheated on, where you're just feeling completely unwanted, you know that can play with your mindset and I don't want you to take this lightly. That's why we have to be very careful what kinds of relationships that we're getting into. You guys, you've got to be really selective about the kinds of relationships you get into. And I had every excuse for this relationship and I made every excuse for this relationship All the while. It was kind of, you know, creating this narrative in my mind that I was unwanted and I was unworthy and that it just, you know, it just completely depleted my confidence and my self-worth. And I, because you know, saying you know, oh, woe is me. Like. You know, we can't take our power back in these situations. We absolutely can take our power back in these situations, right, but it takes a little bit of self-awareness and it takes, you know, just a little bit of strength and courage, right? So, yeah, relationships like this can absolutely have a detrimental impact on your confidence and your self-worth, leaving you to believe that you are unwanted and unlovable, and I'm going to be sharing with you again how this set the stage for what happened next in my life, which was very painful and very transformative nonetheless. But it can be avoided if we do things right the first time, and it can be reversed. Those beliefs, that impact that it has on your self-worth and your confidence, all of that can be reversed. Sorry, guys, I'm in the middle of rush hour now, so there's some honking going on behind me.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 5:07

It is what it is, and it all starts with learning to love yourself first. So this is for you. If you're currently in a relationship, or you're currently in a relationship or you have been in a relationship, where there was continuous rejection, neglect and infidelity that has, kind of you know, been detrimental to your confidence and your level of self-worth, maybe you believe that something that you did or didn't do, have or don't have, or are or are not which you really have no clue, right, you're just trying to figure out what it is you did wrong has rendered you completely feeling completely unwanted and unlovable in some way, or you're the most insecure you've ever been with yourself and you feel threatened by everyone and everything outside your relationship and you're having a really hard time believing that you'll never, that you'll ever find anyone who will love you and desire you just as you are. Okay, and all of these things are possible. You can find somebody who will do that. Okay, you just you got to do the inner work first, and that's what we're going to talk about today.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 6:15

So thought provoking question that I want to encourage you guys to think about. And hey, when I ask you these questions, please respond Wherever you're seeing this, respond in the comments, hit me up with an email at mariaatthefemcoachcom, get into my DMs at the Femcast and let me know, because I'm curious. I want to have a conversation around this, especially over these next few episodes. I'm really curious. Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt completely unloved and unwanted by your partner, where you were being continuously rejected, neglected and cheated on? How did you deal with it? Did you overcome it? And, if so, do you still feel that way? Right, let me know. Let's have a conversation.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 6:57

So you know I always say this and you know I never condone women being. You know, jealousy is never a good feeling to be in. But here's what I will say Behind every jealous woman most of the time not always, but most some of us, some people just are jealous because they're jealous and it's a nasty emotion to be in. But a lot of us who are perceived as being jealous are actually not jealous at all. Behind every jealous woman is a woman who has experienced relationship trauma and who has, who is terrified of being rejected, neglected and cheated on ever again. Raise your hand if that's been you, and if you can't see me because you can't, my hand is way up in the sky right now. Honest to God, this still creeps up on me.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 7:49

I had to have a conversation the other day. I said listen, boo, it's not you, it's me. I'm like this behavior just brings me back to a time when I knew I was being lied to and cheated on and it was bringing up all the feelings and I swear I wanted to vomit. I had a good cry and I said listen, babe, I love you, I'm so sorry. This has absolutely nothing to do with you, and so you know it's taken a lot of work to be able to have that conversation and be able to just kind of share that with someone and feel safe enough to do that. So let's go back for a second.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 8:24

Okay, when I was younger, right and egotistical and self-centered and I thought the universe literally revolved around me, jealousy was never something that impacted my relationships. Yes, I had insecurities, I had, you know, flaws and things that would just, you know, just make me cringe about myself, but I was never a jealous person. Earlier parts of her relationship with you know said person I can remember. He was going to his buddy's stag and you know all the guys were going to be there and you know him and this guy had been close for a really long time and their families were actually really close and so, you know, as a present for him you know his best guy getting married I was actually going to get him a lap dance at the stag. But, you know, having you know, having found out later that his dad and his uncle were going to be at the stag, I'm like maybe not a good idea, like who is this freak Right?

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 9:35

Like it was just never a thing for me, like, especially, I think, in this situation where I felt completely, you know, trusting, and you know there was never a jealous or threatened thought that crossed my mind ever at all Um, contrast to post relationship, I became very triggered around other women, um, and it wasn't because I was jealous of the other woman, right, it was because there was still that part of me that was terrified of feeling that hurt and rejection and neglect. And again, um, and rejection and neglect. And again, because I do believe, you know, relationship trauma is a thing, you guys, it is a very real thing. And I cultivated the belief after that relationship that I was completely unwanted and unlovable. And so for me it made total sense that every woman was a threat. Because if I believe that I was unwanted and unlovable and that eventually every guy would leave me and or cheat on me or hurt me or neglect me or not want me, even this person who I, you know, I would have trusted with my life, like who's, why would anybody else do any different? Right, like it. Just, it played with my mindset so much and I really believed, you know, from this place of you know, feeling that I was unwanted and unlovable, that literally any woman who sneezed next to him was a threat to me or him or anyone else.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 11:09

After that, you know, it was like it wasn't even a possibility anymore, it was almost a definite and that was a very, very challenging place to be emotionally, when every woman starts to feel like a threat for you. And it's never really about the other woman, you guys, it's not because I was hate, it's not that I was hating on these women or anything, and it wasn't, you know, it was just I just felt like fuck, that hurt. And I believe that, I know that it happened and this is what I'm making it, this is what I'm believing about why it happened, the fact that it's obviously because I'm unlovable, right and unwanted, and so, if that's the case, that could apply to any man and every man, and so every woman is a threat, and every guy could do this to me and every man, and so every woman is a threat and every guy could do this to me. So that's to kind of give you an idea of the mindset, like the before and after of this relationship, right, but if we can get into, like get into this, this, this situation, just so we can, so I can paint the picture of you, what was going on in this relationship, to kind of get me from point A to point B, you know, months would go by without any intimacy and it wasn't always like that.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 12:24

In the beginning it was very, it was very intimate, it was very. We were very connected. We had the most amazing chemistry. There was love, there was friendship, there was attraction, there was all the things you want in like a perfect relationship. They were all there. All the nuts and bolts were there.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 12:43

And I preface that to say that, you know, we both brought our baggage into this relationship right. He brought his baggage, I had my own baggage. I can't speak for his baggage, but I will tell you that, for me, these little nuggets, or the little inklings of the lack of self-worth and the low confidence, and just this bit of insecurity, this bit of not enoughness that was already in me, although you know, like I said, I was young, I was in my 20s, thought the universe revolved around me, so know what I faked like half the time you thought I was the most arrogant ass you'd ever met. But deep down right, there were insecurities and there were um, there were self-doubts as to whether or not, you know, I would, even before this, that I would ever be in a real meaningful. This was my first real meaningful relationship, you guys like.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 13:34

Before this it was just like a lot of dating, a lot of just being out there, a lot of things that would start and then fizzle out. So this was my first real like, oh, like this is it. And it was so amazing, like we were like, so connected. Like I said, right, the attraction was there, the friendship was there, the trust was there, the conversation was there, everything was there, everything was there, everything that you want in a perfect relationship was there. Somehow we let that slip, we let it slip and, you know, months would go by and there would be no intimacy whatsoever in our relationship. And it wasn't because there was a lack of trying on my part. Let's just be clear. There was a lot of effort on my part to make sure that we were still intimate and that we were so connected in that way. But I was getting shot down and rejected again and again and again.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 14:25

In the beginning it wasn't so bad. It's like oh, okay, he's tired, oh, okay, this, oh, okay, that, whatever. And it became pretty regular. And, you know, then there started to be this little voice in my head that's telling me like dude, something's wrong, right, like this isn't normal, especially, like you know, we were young. We were like, you know, we were like in the point of our lives when this should be all that we're doing.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 14:54

You know I pretended to be okay, but deep down, you know, I was feeling deeply unwanted. Any deep seated unworthiness, not enoughness, that was buried deep somewhere within me was coming out to play, and it was playing really hard, you guys, like it was not fooling around. Um, I can remember like not being able to sleep for days on end and laying awake at night pretending that I was sleeping when I was actually literally crying into my pillow. But this person didn't want me and the love that I had for this person was so incredible I didn't know what to do with all that. I felt like I was filled. I felt like I was filled with all this love for this person who was, like, not there at all. I can even remember and not just not there before I get into it not just not there, but almost like completely uninterested in me whatsoever, like we were never intimate and when we were, it almost felt like my God, like what's next? Like do I have to put a gun to your head to get you? Like like I just I've never felt more deeply unwanted in my whole life, and this was by somebody that I loved more than anything else in the world. So this is where the mind fuckery kind of began, okay. And I can remember one Christmas God guys, this is so hard to talk about Like I'm trying to like I might get emotional, like I'm trying to kind of like be cool and entertaining through all of this, but it is really painful to go back there right, to feel that feeling of not being wanted by somebody that you love so dearly.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 16:42

I can remember one Christmas, and I think this was the first, anyway, I can't remember which Christmas this was, but anyway we were in it like this was our first year, kind of like, you know, drifting apart like this. And I can remember one Christmas, you know, I gave him all these gifts and they were all under the tree and I had this one big gift for him, right, that was too big to wrap it was actually a garage door opener, so but within the mix of his gifts I thought wouldn't it be cute if I, you know? You know, just to kind of spice things up, everybody loves a good holiday shag, right, like I love a good holiday shag. I don't know about you guys, but I really love a good holiday shag. So I'm like, well, how cute would it be if I got little nice, little like naughty sandal lingerie and like stuck it under the tree for him to unwrap, to like be like, hey, guess what I'm going to wear tonight, you know Anyway. So he opened up his gifts. He, you know, loved it. Oh girl, thanks honey.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 17:32

Opens up the laundry and just looks at me like with disdain on his face, like seriously, and I'm like, oh, I thought it'd be cute, merry Christmas. Let's just say, um, he did not. It was almost like, and I'm projecting there, I'm not lying, there could be some projecting happening here. He almost looked annoyed that I went to that length and he just put the thing back in the box, closed it up and I was like, wow, okay, um, so your other present is outside in the garage. So he runs out, sees his garage door opener and is so excited and at that point I wanted to die, like, so basically, what you're telling me is you are more excited about a fucking garage door opener than me. Great, go and fondle that for the rest of your life. Like I was checking out. At that point I was just wow, like this is eye-opening for me. It was painful, it was hurtful.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 18:45

I couldn't understand why this was happening to us, and it wasn't until was happening to us, and it wasn't until months later, and actually even before we got into that, you know, I kind of I started to convince myself that maybe it was fine. You know, maybe I was just more of a passionate person than he was, you know, maybe, you know, I tried to convince myself. Oh, you know what sex isn't that important in a relationship myself, oh, you know what Sex isn't that important in a relationship, my friends, I eventually realized that it wasn't that he didn't have the desire to have sex which I had been convincing myself of this entire time to make myself feel better. It was simply that he didn't want to have sex with me because he was still having sex, it just wasn't with me. So now that that truth cut like a knife and you know, I spent so much time trying to heal and nurture this relationship until I couldn't any more, you know, I mean and we're going to get into the specifics of I've already kind of shared a lot of the specifics about the infidelity, but this part, specifically the part about feeling unwanted and unloved, I did everything I could to bring us back to a healthy space in our relationship.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 22:44

You know I said, hey, you know what? Like obviously, you know we've got some issues, takes two. You know, let's, let's see. I just I tried everything I knew how to do to make this work until finally, you know, I just I couldn't, I just couldn't anymore.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 23:04

And I think, but you know, and in retrospect you know, when I walked away from this relationship and guys, I'm embarrassed to say that it was way after I found out that there was infidelity going on, like, I stuck around, I stuck around, I stuck around trying to make it work. I stuck around trying to fix things. I stuck around trying to be better. I stuck around trying to make us better. I just, I don't know what it was. I don't know if it was a fear of letting it go. I don't know if it was a fear that I would never find better. Maybe it was a fear of all of the above. But you know, eventually, you know I did walk away from this but it wasn't unscathed. You guys, the emotional scars remained for years after the relationship ended and really impacted future partnerships.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 23:57

Now, you know, there was a part of me that always kind of settled in relationships, but this experience really took me to a whole new low where I was just settling for crap, like, honestly, like I was being said, I was settling for being cheated on, being lied to, being manipulated and being repeatedly neglected and rejected, and somehow making all of that mean there was something wrong with me. Do you hear me here? Like I made it all mean that there was something wrong with me, instead of saying there was something wrong with my partner, or instead of even saying maybe we just weren't right together, maybe we just outgrown each other you know there's so many things that can happen in a relationship I made all of this mean something about me and that's why I think I was so ashamed to admit a lot of these things and to talk about it openly with so many people is because I made all of this seem. Well, I'm a suck, because if I didn't, he wouldn't be cheating, he wouldn't be rejecting me, he wouldn't be, you know, making me. He wouldn't. He would want to be with me. Like none of this would be an issue. You know he wouldn't get more excited about fondling his garage door opener than the other alternative. You know this would not be a thing.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 25:26

And so, you know, fast forward to another relationship years later, when I had already done the work right. I had done well, not all of it, but I had done a lot of the work on, you know, reframing my beliefs about myself and and healing a lot of the relationship junk that I was holding onto on the inside. Um, you know, it still came up like the same thing happened again, like it was a healthy, well, semi-healthy, relationship, um, but he was very loving, very passionate, uh, and we got along, you know, really well together. We again great friendship. We had a lot in common, um, but there were difficulties in the relationship as well, um, so it's not to say that it was perfect by any means, um, but we were, you know, we were both self-aware, we were moving through it and we were, you know, we were both self-aware, we were moving through it and we were kind of working at it, right. So that was a good thing, that was healthy.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 26:21

Right Now we had gone away for a weekend and you know, we'd gone camping and you know, at that time, you know, we didn't have a lot of opportunity to be alone together, like our lives were crazy busy. Lot of opportunity to be alone together. Like our lives were crazy busy. We were living, you know, separately and not at a distance, a little bit, a little bit at a distance to one another. So we didn't, we just didn't get to see each other all that often and we didn't get to spend like time alone together and we certainly didn't get to spend nights together very often, right? So this was like I think our schedules had been really crazy. For like a month We'd seen each other, but it was very here and there. We hadn't spent a lot of quality time together.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 27:05

So we were going away for the weekend. It was a long weekend, the weather was great. We were going to one of my favorite places to camp and get out in nature and do some nature hiking in the summer. So I was excited. So we had a whole day planned of nature hikes and trails and barbecues, and we had found this. Actually we had been camping, but when we, one night, we had found this beautiful cabin, kind of nestled in the woods, which was so adorable it's like this little loft style cabin, so cute, and you know, we had spent the whole day hiking. Now, it wasn't that hot that day, but it was summer, right.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 27:44

So here I am. I'm wearing, like, my hiking flannel, my shorts, my hiking boots, and under my hiking flannel I've got this like almost like this light. I don't know how to describe it. It was like this light, pleathery, feeling, kind of bustier that I'm wearing underneath my hiking gear. You guys Thinking, okay, today's going to be great, we're going to get back to the little cabin. I've got my little bustier on, everything's going to be great. Anyway, we get back to the cabin, we're exhausted because we've been hiking all day.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 28:16

And then, you know, we had this fiasco with, like, the barbecue and the fire and there was like smoke everywhere. We were just like he was done. He's like oh my God, I just can't wait to go to bed. And I'm like bed, what? What do you mean? Like for sleep? What are we talking here? So immediately I got triggered and I was brought back to that Christmas, right, and all that started to come back up Different partner, different situation, right, very different story going on in the background. But the feelings were still there. I had not healed them, okay.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 28:52

So what happened was and I remember there was a beautiful full moon that night. It was so gorgeous. It was just one of those massive, like summer super moons, and I went to sit outside under the full moon, which is no wonder why all this was happening Hello, night of the full moon. But I went outside and we had this, just this massive rock right outside the cabin that overlooked the creek, and I can remember just sitting on that rock and there was a creek there, sitting on that rock, there was a creek, there was a moon above, there was a beautiful evergreen landscape and I just bawled and I'm still going to stay on. Thank God the forest rangers didn't come by to see what was late.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 29:29

Ma'am, is there anything wrong? Ma'am, can we help you? No, I'm fine. Anyway, I'm sitting there on this rock and I'm crying. Like why, why am I here again? Why is this happening? I don't understand what I keep doing wrong. Like I just remember saying I am so full of love, why can't I ever find that love returned for me? Like why is it so hard? You know, I went back in after I had a good cry and he kissed me on the forehead, like he always did, and he just said I love you, you okay. And I'm like, yes, I'm fine that it wasn't anything to do with what was going on in that relationship and it was just a bunch of crap that was coming up that I hadn't healed with from that previous relationship. Now I want to be clear there was at least five years, maybe more, between these two relationships Okay relationships Okay.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 33:17

When I left the last relationship, I didn't leave it with the intention of doing the inner work and this is where I'm veering from the plan of what I wanted to talk about, you guys, because this is going to set us up for what we're going to talk about in the next, in the upcoming episodes. When I left that previous relationship, I didn't leave it with the intention of, okay, I'm going to heal myself, I'm going to do the inner work, I'm going to feel whole again, I'm going to practice. No, self-love wasn't even a thing for me at that point. My only intention coming out of that relationship was I'm going to find the man who's going to treat me right, who's going to love me, who's going to, you know, want to be with me, enjoy being with me, who's passionate about me, who can't like, like I want, someone who literally can't get enough of me. You know, what I didn't realize is what I was really wanting was somebody to make me feel wanted and loved and worthy, and that is really important.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 34:16

I went out in search of someone to make me feel loved, wanted and worthy. And in that quest, my friends to fill those gaps, to fill those holes that were probably there before that relationship had come into my life on a smaller scale, and were just ripped wide open by that relationship, like wide fucking open. And we're now open and raw and just bleeding, a hot mess everywhere, fucking, just bleeding, a hot mess everywhere. I was going out into the world with those wounds to say please show me, bring me the man who can fix all of this for me. And that was where I got my biggest lessons, my biggest heartbreak and my biggest transformation, because the only thing that I attracted from that place was a series of toxic, emotionally abusive and, in the end, narcissistic relationships. That would be my undoing.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 35:32

And that was when the work really began for me Was when I finally said stop, stop the madness, stop the insanity. Remember her With the potatoes and the calories. All I remember is she was always stop the madness, stop the insanity. It was like the calorie, something, diet, and I remember she was holding a potato and a slice of cheese and the, the comparison of the calories. Anyway, I'm, I'm. I see this is what happens when I get nervous. I go off on these crazy tangents. But anyway, from that experience of going out into the world wounded and not having tended to those wounds and not having tended to my lack of self-worth and feeling good enough, I attracted all sorts of painful shit. And, sorry guys, that was the table. That was really my mistake.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 36:31

My mistake in this story was not taking the time out to heal, was not taking the time out to grieve and feel the loss and move through the emotions and work on my mindset so that I didn't make whatever happened in that relationship mean something bad about me and what I deserved and what I was worthy of. Instead, I went out into the world hoping that the world was going to fix that for me, but it wasn't. It actually did the exact fucking opposite. All it did was show me again and again all of the unworthiness that I held. It was mirroring all the unworthiness and unwantedness and not enoughness that I was holding within myself. It kept mirroring it all back to me again and again and again and again, until the last one, which is, you know, that was my complete undoing. He was a total narcissist and the mind fuckery of that experience is something that you know still challenges me to this day, because, well, we'll get into that when we get into that episode.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 37:47

But you know I don't want to go off on another tangent. The point is episode, but you know I don't want to go off on another tangent. The point is, if I could, if I knew then what I know now, and coming out of a relationship like that where I was feeling unwanted and unloved and I, you know I wasn't feeling good enough and you know, all those things were coming up to me like the stuff that we mentioned at the beginning of this episode right, instead of going out into the world to find the people, places and things to make me feel whole and worthy and lovable again and to make me feel wanted and desirable, I would literally just take a step back and take a beat and do some work on myself, be there for myself, show up for myself, nurture and tend to myself and my wounds before ever getting out there, to find what it was that I was looking for in a relationship. And if I had the opportunity to do that again, yes, I would absolutely do it differently, although I probably wouldn't have all the crazy lessons I have to share with you guys. Probably wouldn't have all the crazy lessons I have to share with you guys, but I honestly would. If I could go back and do it all over again, I would take my time out, I would do my healing work. I wouldn't go out into the world with all these holes and hurts and bleeding wounds, waiting for somebody to sue them for me, knowing that in doing like because in doing that all I did was attract more pain it was almost like the world was saying to me you're really not wanting to look at, look at your wounds. We're going to give you more until you force to look at them. You're still. You're still not ready. Okay, we'll give you some more. Really, you're still not ready, okay, okay, we'll give you some more. Really, you're still not ready. Okay, here's a good one. If you can't see it with this guy, I don't know, we're losing hope for you, you know. And then, finally, the last one. I was like okay, that's it, I'm done, I'm done.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 39:46

Seven-year relationship hiatus starts now. I mean, I didn't call it a seven-year, I didn't know it was going to be seven years, but what I said was I am not getting into another relationship again until I feel good about myself and the relationship feels like a good relationship for me and and just like that was it that? It was like it was like a vow of celibacy that I silently took without even realizing it because, honestly, I I did not. I mean, there was times where I kind of thought about breaking that promise to myself. There were a few teasers here and there, but not enough to get me to turn away from what the work I had promised myself I was going to do, and I think that was, I think, the biggest act of self-love for me.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 40:40

Now, if you're somebody who's holding onto wounds or scars from from relationships that were you felt unloved and unwanted, please don't. I'm not telling you you need to, like you have to go into your relationship. It isn't completely got. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is I cut off the. Really I cut off my, cut myself off from being in relationships until I felt whole again and what I did was went on this journey of discovering what would it was going to take to get me to feel whole again and the work that I needed to do in order to get there right. What I can tell you is that the things that I learned in that seven years and the tools that I learned and the methods that I learned are extremely powerful, and all of which I'm, you know, going to be sharing more of here on the podcast. But you know you can do it in less time.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 41:34

But the important thing, it doesn't matter how long you take to do the work or do the healing, or, you know, it doesn't matter if you take a hiatus or don't take a hiatus. The important thing that I want you to take away from this is that all the damage to your self-worth and your confidence and all that stuff, all those holes and wounds that you've been holding onto, that make you feel like you're not enough and not good enough or not worthy enough or whatever. That can all be undone, all of it, but you have to do the work. No one can do that for you. When you wait for people to do that for you, you're only going to get disappointed. In the end, you're only going to get more hurt.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 42:18

Do the work for yourself, and I do strongly recommend taking a breath and working on yourself for a little while after you have been hurt before you jump into the next relationship. That's something that I strongly believe in. I strongly believe that whenever we exit a relationship, we need to take the time out to really grieve, nurture ourselves, feel the feelings, feel the loss and, you know, acquire, you know, apply the lessons that we've learned from that relationship before we move on to the next one. I fully believe we need to reset our emotional sorry frog in my throat. I fully believe we need to take time out to reset our emotional state before we go from one relationship to the next. Right, and that is my honest two cents in that. So more to come, right. But this is kind of.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 43:10

This sets the stage for how these toxic relationships came into my life and what I am going to be sharing in the coming episodes is you know, we talked a lot about my toxic relationship history. If you listen to the douchebag diaries, you know what I'm talking about, right, but like I've said before they, you know, with each one I was going through these partners on rapid fire, like it was just one after the other after the other. Each one was worse than the last, until the last one who was a total fucking narcissist, and we're going to get into it in the upcoming episodes, okay so, in the upcoming episodes, okay so, um, this was more storytelling than actually teaching, but you know, if I did have to give you some takeaways from this, um, it is that it's that you know, if you are somebody who's struggling with your self-worth, if you're struggling with feeling whole or enough, if you're struggling to feel wanted and desirable, that work starts with you. Okay, it starts with tending to your emotional needs, your physical needs, your mental needs. It starts with nurturing yourself. It starts with making yourself a priority in your world. It starts with having a positive mindset about yourself. This is literally the work that we do together.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 44:40

Now I do have wherever you're seeing this in the show notes below I do have a 21-day radical self-love challenge. This is a lot of the practices that I pulled together during the seven year hiatus relationship hiatus to get me through those years, god, and get me feeling whole again and get me feeling beautiful again and lovable again and worthy again. These are some of my best practices and I pulled them together for you guys so you can go ahead and check that out. They should be again. They should be in the show notes below and if you're not finding it there, go to the Femcast on Instagram and go to the link in my bio and everything is there. It's the 21 day radical self-love challenge. It's totally free, you can do it at your own pace, but these are some of my best practices that I use in order to nurture myself back to wholeness again and just feeling lovable and worthy again.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST: 45:43

People always make fun of me. Oh, self-love is a frivolous thing. It's absolutely transformational because when you can cultivate that love for yourself from within you and you no longer need your environment to do that for you, darling, your whole world can change in a heartbeat because you've now gone from being externally sourced to being internally sourced, and that, my friends, is a very powerful thing. So that is all for now. If you like this episode, please leave a positive reading and review wherever you're seeing this, and don't forget to send me a DM at the Femcast on Instagram and let me know if you've ever experienced this and what your takeaway from that experience was. Okay, until next time, you guys. Massive love.