THE 5 STAGES OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE | HOW I EXPERIENCED EACH STAGE
Aug 06, 2024
Maria @TheFemmeCast
In this powerful episode of The Femme Cast, I reveal the 5 distinct stages of narcissistic abuse, sharing my personal journey to illuminate the signs and dynamics of each phase. If you’re trying to understand narcissistic relationships or heal from narcissistic abuse, this episode is for you. We’ll explore:
Idealization – The honeymoon phase where the narcissist overwhelms you with love, admiration, and grand gestures, making you feel like you’ve met your perfect match.
Devaluation – The subtle shift where the narcissist begins to criticize, belittle, and gaslight you, eroding your self-esteem and sense of reality.
Discard – The abrupt and often cruel phase where the narcissist abandons you, leaving you feeling confused, hurt, and betrayed.
Hoovering – The manipulative phase where the narcissist tries to pull you back into the cycle with false promises and grand illusions.
Defamation – Uncommon to most articles on the internet, I identify this as the 5th and final phase. The damaging defamation phase where the narcissist spreads lies and rumors about you to protect their image and take control of the narrative.
This Episode is For You If:
You suspect you might be dating a narcissist and need clarity on their behavior.
You’ve been involved with narcissists in the past and want to know what to avoid next time.
Someone you care about might be involved with a narcissist, and you’re unsure how to help them.
Join me as I uncover the manipulative tactics of narcissists and empower you with the knowledge to break free from toxic patterns and reclaim your self-worth. Don't miss this episode if you’re ready to heal, understand, and move forward from narcissistic abuse. Tune in now and take the first step towards creating a happier life and healthier relationships.
Let's do this.
Are you ready to create a massive uplevel in your life and relationships? If so, use the link below to book your 90-minute Uplevel + Flow Intensive. This is a powerful 90-minute session where we go deep to energetically shift your relationship patterns, so that you can magnetize more loving and supportive relationships without the chase...just flow! https://thefemmecast.com/healthy-love-intensive/
Are you ready to begin your heart healing journey today and manifest the love that you desire? If so, use the link below to register for my FREE Magnetize Love Meditation Series . A 3 part series designed to help you heal from heartbreak and manifest love you've always wanted, but never thought you would find. https://thefemmecast.ck.page/meditations
Are you ready to rewrite your love story + glow from the inside out? If so, use the link below to register for my 21 Day Radical Self-Love Challenge. https://thefemmecast.ck.page/21daychallenge
Want to get to know the more intimate details of my story? If so, click the link below to access The Femme Cast Diaries. https://thefemmecast.substack.com/
In this powerful episode of The Femme Cast, I reveal the 5 distinct stages of narcissistic abuse, sharing my personal journey to illuminate the signs and dynamics of each phase. If you’re trying to understand narcissistic relationships or heal from narcissistic abuse, this episode is for you. We’ll explore:
Idealization – The honeymoon phase where the narcissist overwhelms you with love, admiration, and grand gestures, making you feel like you’ve met your perfect match.
Devaluation – The subtle shift where the narcissist begins to criticize, belittle, and gaslight you, eroding your self-esteem and sense of reality.
Discard – The abrupt and often cruel phase where the narcissist abandons you, leaving you feeling confused, hurt, and betrayed.
Hoovering – The manipulative phase where the narcissist tries to pull you back into the cycle with false promises and grand illusions.
Defamation – Uncommon to most articles on the internet, I identify this as the 5th and final phase. The damaging defamation phase where the narcissist spreads lies and rumors about you to protect their image and take control of the narrative.
This Episode is For You If:
You suspect you might be dating a narcissist and need clarity on their behavior.
You’ve been involved with narcissists in the past and want to know what to avoid next time.
Someone you care about might be involved with a narcissist, and you’re unsure how to help them.
Join me as I uncover the manipulative tactics of narcissists and empower you with the knowledge to break free from toxic patterns and reclaim your self-worth. Don't miss this episode if you’re ready to heal, understand, and move forward from narcissistic abuse. Tune in now and take the first step towards creating a happier life and healthier relationships.
Let's do this.
Are you ready to create a massive uplevel in your life and relationships? If so, use the link below to book your 90-minute Uplevel + Flow Intensive. This is a powerful 90-minute session where we go deep to energetically shift your relationship patterns, so that you can magnetize more loving and supportive relationships without the chase...just flow! https://thefemmecast.com/healthy-love-intensive/
Are you ready to begin your heart healing journey today and manifest the love that you desire? If so, use the link below to register for my FREE Magnetize Love Meditation Series . A 3 part series designed to help you heal from heartbreak and manifest love you've always wanted, but never thought you would find. https://thefemmecast.ck.page/meditations
Are you ready to rewrite your love story + glow from the inside out? If so, use the link below to register for my 21 Day Radical Self-Love Challenge. https://thefemmecast.ck.page/21daychallenge
Want to get to know the more intimate details of my story? If so, click the link below to access The Femme Cast Diaries. https://thefemmecast.substack.com/
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
Hey you guys, what is up? Welcome back to the show. I'm so excited and grateful to have you here. It has been a minute. I was on vacation last week and it was everything my soul needed, aside from the fact that my perimenopausal symptoms tried to hijack my entire vacation. But that is okay. I feel like it's time for a life update, to be honest, but we'll leave that for another day.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
Today, I wanted to talk to you about the five stages of a narcissistic, abusive relationship, and this is how I experience each of these stages. Okay, so I'm going to really be sharing specifically what I've learned from the experience, how, how I moved through each of the different stages and what they each of them looked and felt like for me. If you Google this on the internet, you're probably only going to see the four stages. I've actually made it five because there was one significant stage at the end that I thought was really really worth talking about, because I think it was the probably the most painful one, that left the most um, I'm not gonna say residue Like it, just it just was probably the hardest, I think, aspect of all of it to get over in the end. Um, and it stayed with me for a while and it's still. It's still sort of not haunts me, but it still comes up from time to time with that lot, the, the, the effects of that last stage of that relationship. So, um, I've made it five, take what you will. Leave the rest, um, and honestly, if I can, just you know, this is really for, this is for you If you think that you might be dating a narcissist or you've been involved with a narcissist in the past and you want to know what to avoid the next time around or just start to be able to recognize the signs, because I think one of the hardest part of narcissistic relationships is that you don't really know that you're in them until it's way too late, like until the damage has been done. You know, and this is also for you, if someone you know might be involved with a narcissist and you don't quite know how to tell them, or if you're a hundred percent sure you know, I invite you to share this episode with them and let them, you know, determine for themselves. Um, either way, helping me to get this episode out into the hands of other women who need this and men, um, I think, is I would be super grateful for.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
So my question to you is for the week do you think you're in a narcissistic relationship? Have you ever wondered if you're in a narcissistic relationship? There was a period of like is he a narcissist? Isn't he a narcissist? How do I know? Is it just me? Am I making this up? Am I being too sensitive? We go through this and this is normal, right, this is normal to start to question ourselves in relationships. But there are some different nuances that you deal with when you're dealing with a narcissist. So hopefully, this will start to shed some light on that. And, after having listened to this episode, right, if you do think that you are with a narcissist, which stage of the relationship do you think you're in? I am really curious because I really want to know where my audience is at, what kind of relationships they're in with and what stage they're at and what they're dealing with, what they're facing, and it'll kind of help to inform some future content. So DM me on Instagram at the Femcast and let me know. You can find all my links in the show notes below.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
So let's get on to today's episode. Okay, you guys. So here is the breakdown. So, like I said, five stages. They are idealization, devaluation, discard, hoovering and defamation. Defamation is the one that I've added. I'm telling you it was, as it was, uncomfortable as fuck going through that date, and it still gets. It's still uncomfortable from time to time Sorry, I've got trucks outside again always never fails.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
Okay, so let's start with idealization. So this is where you know the narcissist not only paints themselves as the ideal partner for you, but almost makes you feel like you're the woman they've been looking for or man their entire life. Like they will put you up on such a fucking pedestal. You are going to feel so high on life. Like this was probably I think this was probably the most intoxicating, because I never, as a people pleaser and somebody who struggled a lot with self-worth, I never felt so good about myself as I did in this moment. Like it was just like confidence on crack, like on steroids that's a better word and you know I remember walking around thinking I'm the hottest thing since sliced bread. Like this guy is like totally obsessed with me and I'm into it. Like it feels really good.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
Like you know, the conversations were constant, like and I think, like I mentioned this before, like it wasn't just the love bombing because, to be honest, this guy was very emotionally unavailable as well. So there wasn't a lot of love bombing going on, but there was a lot of attention bombing, affection bombing, compliment bombing, like okay, for the lack of the love bombing, I was getting a shit ton of attention and external validation. Do you know what I mean? So it still falls within the same category. Like there can be love bombing without I love you's. You know there's other ways to love, bomb people. It doesn't have to involve I love you, I love you.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
And what was really interesting about this phase is that he made every effort to point out all of the things that we had in common and like he made it seem like the stars aligned to bring us together, like we were just the perfect, aligned match in every way. And he would always point out how aligned we were. And it was almost as though he was paying attention to what I was saying, that I was looking for in a partner, because he would always keep a mental note and kind of show up as that person or point out how he was that person or demonstrate how they were. So it was like it was like dude, like are you in my fucking head? Like have you been reading my journal since the age of 12? Like, what are you doing? How do you know this about me? So it was crazy, like cause. It literally felt like, oh my God, this is who I've been waiting for my entire life, and I think this is, you know.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
It's not to say that if you find somebody who is the person you've been waiting for and dreaming of your entire life, that it's not real. But you know, the reality is is that a narcissist? And I'm still not clear if they do this consciously or subconsciously. I'm really not clear. I would love to have a therapist on the show to explain this to me so I can make sense of it in my mind.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
But whether it's conscious or subconscious, they have a way of knowing exactly what makes you tick, what you like, what you don't like, so that they can present themselves in a way that fits your criteria. And this is part of the hook that gets you in, in order to facilitate the narcissistic supply, which we'll talk about later, or we have already talked about in the last episode. But, um, which is what they need from you? Right? This is, this is the validation, this is how they hook you in, this is how they make you afraid to leave and wanting to like, bend over backwards to please them and keep them in your life, Because that's what eases their, soothes their shame that they're hiding behind, that they're hiding from and, you know, eases their fear of abandonment and rejection. Cause, at the end of the day, we're all just a bunch of narcissists and codependents trying to avoid being abandoned and rejected, honest to God. So I mean, you know, what do you take from this? Like, is every guy that presents himself as a perfect partner a narcissist? No, you know.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
But I would say, you know, in any relationship there's always emotional highs and lows, you know, and the honeymoon phase is the highest of emotional highs, and this is probably within the first three to six months of a relationship. Right, try not to make any long-term conclusions. Draw any long-term conclusions within the first six months of a relationship, please, because in that point everyone is presenting their best self. Everyone is putting their best foot forward, presenting their best self. Everyone is putting their best foot forward. You're in la-la land. The hormones are high, the feel-good feels are high. You're in your honeymoon phase. You're feeling it Like it's good. Right, it's really good.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
What happens after six months when the honeymoon phase fades, you know, is there still compatibility, is there still mutual respect, is there still emotional, emotional availability on both sides of the relationship? That's the important thing. So you want to, you always want to hold out as long as you can before you make any long-term conclusions about a relationship and really get to know the person for who they are, which they really don't show you until three to six months into the relationship. So that would be my best advice in any relationship, not just narcissistic relationships. Like, everybody puts their best foot forward in the first three to six months of a relationship. It doesn't matter who you're dealing with, you know moving right along.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
Okay, so stage two this is the devaluation stage. This is where shit starts to get real, you guys. So again, I'm focusing on my how I personally experienced this and I'll I'll I'll explain a little bit about what I think is the intention behind each of the different stages, but I think this is where the narcissist basically starts to tear you down, right, you know, after going through the honeymoon stage and the love bombing and the attention bombing and the validation bombing and all the bombing that was going on, all the kinds of wonderful, high, feel good bombings, the devaluation stage started and this is where they start to put you down systematically. One comment reaction, what's it called Ghosting episode at a time, they start to make you feel like you're no longer the ideal partner, that you've done something wrong, that you're not the person that they thought you were, and they just slowly start to tear you down and they start to really pick at the core of your insecurities. Like whatever your deepest insecurities, whatever your deepest fears are, they will hit those buttons like a fucking pro. Okay, and they know because they've spent the last three to six months studying what they are. Again, I'm not sure if it's conscious or subconscious, but it legit happens. Sorry, now I have a train going behind me. It is what it is.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
You guys, I'm not in the city, but I'm close to the main street of town, so there's a lot of hustle and bustle here. So when things started to change, it happened as soon as I got comfortable and I can remember down to like a moment where it was like I remember, like he was leaving and I just kind of collapsed in his arms and I just kind of gave him a big hug and I can remember feeling like, oh, like, finally, you know, like I just feel so at ease here, and it was in that exact moment I felt him go stiff as a board and I'm like huh, that was interesting. And then he fled and ghosted. For like weeks I didn't hear from him and honestly I should have let that go. But of course I chased right, as any good codependent would do, and he came back and there was a little bit like you'll find, that with these stages you tend to oscillate and go back and forth. So there was a little bit of going back to stage one, but it was very short lived, and then we jumped right back into devaluation.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
So for a short period we went back into idealization and then maybe like for like a few days, maybe a week, and then right back into devaluation, right, so right back to putting me down, right back to hanging up the phone, acting like he's never going to call me again, right back to not returning my calls, reading my messages, not answering them, right back to yelling at me for something that I didn't even know. There was times where he would get angry with me, but he wouldn't actually tell me what I did wrong. He would get so angry he would cut me off, stop talking to me without telling me why he was angry. I would message him and say can you please tell me what you're angry about? Because I have no idea and I would get nothing. So I would spiral into oh my God, what have I done wrong? How can I fix this? How can I fix this if I don't even know what I've done wrong? Like, oh my God, I must have said something really terrible.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
And that is where the mind fuckery happens, because this person has presented themselves as the ideal partner in stage one. So now, every time something goes wrong, so now, every time something goes wrong, being a people, pleasing, codependent, like I was, you start to look at well, what have I done wrong to make him show up this way and how can I fix it? So this is where you start to jump through hoops to get back to idealization, which is almost near impossible. There's moments where you go back to idealization, I think, once they've gotten a nice full supply from you. And this supply, I think, really comes from your constant chasing them, your constant trying to please them, your constant desperation to mend and improve the relationship, because this validates to them that you're not going anywhere, that you're not going anywhere, that they don't have to fear being abandoned or rejected and they're not going to have to look at what, what shame. They're hiding behind that mask, because you're always going to be there to kind of mask it for them, right and so, and so when you know, know, you give them a nice full narcissistic supply for a little bit, that you may go back into idealization for a day, a day or two, but then you go right back into stage two, which is devaluation.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
This is where a lot of the manipulation tactics come into play, like I said. So you know, getting getting mad and berating you without actually telling you why they're mad at you, like they're just getting mad and basically taking the stance of well, you should know, and if you don't know, then that's in the whole. You know what I mean not returning messages, reading messages, not returning messages, not answering phone calls blasting you for wanting to talk, calling you crazy, making you feel like there's something wrong with you, making you feel like you can't do anything right, making you feel like you're just not the person that they thought you were. You know, and suddenly you're like this massive disappointment, right, um, oh, it was just such a. It was just such a painful time, um, and it's funny like I think back to it now, like why did I stick around for that? And it's because I really believed that I had fucked up. Like this guy. This is not the guy, this is not the guy that I started dating like six months ago. Like he was amazing, he was like my Prince Charming, he was like my knight in shining armor, he was everything I was. And you try so hard to get back to that, but it's near impossible because the reality is that's not who they are and they can only uphold that persona for so long and eventually what you see is the ugliness that that persona is hiding, and that's what you see in the devaluation stage.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
And then, inevitably, we move into stage three, which is the discard. Unfortunately, this is the breaking point. This is when they did. They've come to the conclusion that you're no longer a source for their narcissistic supply. So they discard of you, um, and either you've cut off their narcissistic supply, you're inconsistent in that supply, or they found another, more reliable source, right, those are the reasons why they leave and discard you at this phase.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
And the discard is so painful because there's no explanation for it. See, here's the thing. Here's why you can never get a straight answer from a narcissist as to what you've done wrong. It's because you really haven't done anything wrong, like you really haven't you know, and you'll spin your wheels trying to figure out what that thing is that you've done wrong. But you've done nothing wrong. You just you fed a supply. You look like an opportunity to meet a supply. You met a supply. You failed to meet a supply. They cut you off, plain and simple. And they are so ruthless and heartless in the cutting off and the discarding.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
It's almost as if any love that was there is completely gone. Like it's like there was no love there to begin with. Like how could somebody who loves someone just discard of them so easily? And the reality is it never was about love, it was about what they were getting from you. And now that they're no longer getting that from you, they're going to turn to somebody else to get it right and they're going to look for another source. So often it's without.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
This is where, like, the ghosting and abandoning and the rejection comes in. Like often there's no explanation, they just disappear. They just disappear depending on on. You know the how deep the relationship went. How long we're together, like, are you living together? Are you on again off again? Me and this guy were on again, off again for like, what felt like a lifetime, and so, you know, he just ghosted, he just disappeared one day.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
And you know, I think that it was funny because that point came right after, for the first time, I stood my ground and I said, hell, hell, no, I don't deserve this. This is how it's going to go down and I'm like, I am not available for this anymore. This, this, whatever this is, this is not for me. This is not what I signed up for. This is not what I, what I, um, what's it called? This was not my intention for our being together. Um, and I'm. I'm not okay with it. I'm not okay with the way that you treat me. I'm not okay with the way that you use me. I'm not okay with the way you kind of float in and out of this relationship whenever it's convenient for you, right, and we had the biggest falling out.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
Um, was it Just like that? Discarded like blocked, cut off, never to talk again, just for being able to set a boundary and ask for what I want, which is just poison to a narcissist right when we can show up and love ourselves and take a stand for ourself and our own self-worth. That is kryptonite for, and not in a good way. Like that is like. That is what is just makes a narcissist just want to like crumble away. So they will. They will literally ghost you and go find another source because they can't. They can't deal with that because now that brings up their fear of abandonment and rejection. Now they're vulnerable to being abandoned and rejected and they're vulnerable to seeing that thing whatever that thing is that they're holding shame for. They're going to have to look at it and they don't want to. So, um, so that was it, just like that. It was gone and I never felt like I got closure.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
And I think that was probably the hardest part, and I always felt like because I really did for the longest time was like banging my head against the wall trying to figure out what the fuck had I done wrong to be treated like this, like I was loving, I was attentive, I was positive. I always, like you know, boosted him up, I always made him feel good about himself. Like what on earth did I fucking do to deserve this? And the reality is boo. If you're feeling like this, you didn't do anything. You know you, your biggest mistake and I say this with love, because this was my biggest mistake was not loving yourself enough to show up for yourself and constantly self-abandoning for your needs, for their needs and making their needs a priority. That's the only thing you did wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. That's the only thing you did wrong. You didn't do anything wrong.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
Like, honestly, like I know that if you're listening to this podcast and you've been in this type of situation, like you're a lover, you just love to love, you know, and you love to give and you love to take care of people and you love to nurture people and that's all great and good and I think you know I'm a lover and I'll never stop being a lover. But I think, like one of the biggest lessons that I've learned in this journey is make sure you're also pouring some of that love onto yourself and upholding your boundaries and recognizing what your standards are and doing what you can to uphold them, because you know that is what's going to make you a magnet for healthier relationships. When you have that kind of healthy relationship with yourself, if you're constantly self-abandoning, guess what You're going to attract people who are constantly abandoning you. So yeah, that's just my two cents. So yeah, discard very painful, but not as painful as the last one. So let's get into it right.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
So stage four the relationship isn't over yet. Hoovering this was interesting. So, after they've discarded you and basically cut you off and this happened a few times Again we went through discard and hoovering and devaluate. We went back and forth between stage one, two and three and four quite a few times. Hoovering.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
Interesting stage this is where they've discarded you, but they're still sticking around. They're still in your orbit. They're still hovering over your friends and on your Facebook page and creeping your profile and watching your stories, but not liking them, of course. And creeping your profile and watching your stories, but not liking them, of course, in attempt to reenter a relationship or maybe not an attempt to reenter the relationship, but keeping the possibility open to reenter the relationship, just in case their narcissistic supply whatever they've got in store for the next supply doesn't fall through. They have a plan B. Guess who's plan B? You, I'm telling you. I don't know if this is conscious or subconscious. I would really love to get a therapist on here to tell me. So this is when you know they're not quite done, because they haven't secured their next supply and even though it may have turned sour and you know so many things might have happened they still want to keep you around in case your new supply cuts them off or doesn't pan out, because when it was good, you gave them a good supply, you know. Yeah, so like this is like.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
The tactics they'll use in this stage are exactly that. Like they will hang around your friend circle, they will creep your page, they will creep your profile, they will watch your stories. They will post things that you know are going to trigger you or that you know that you like about them. Like if there was, like I don't know, something stupid, like if there was something that you loved about them. Like, for example, I don't know the way they cooked, right, they'll post a picture of themselves cooking something Silly things like that. Or if you love their dog, they'll post lots of pics with them and their dog. You know, like it's always the things that they know is going to emotionally trigger you and want you to come back. Those are the tactics that they're going to emotionally trigger you and want you to come back. Those are the tactics that they're going to use. Which was interesting because again and it was like you know, huh.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
And now, when things so going back to the discard phase, when I stood my ground and I said, hell, no, this isn't happening anymore, that was the last time we went through this cycle, like, after that it was done, there was no hoovering after that right, we had done the hoovering before, when he would ghost and disappear and then he would still hoover and then he would inevitably end up coming back. And then I would like you know, like it was like a cycle where you know you go through idealization, then devaluation, then discard, and then he would start to post shit that he knew would get a reaction from me. I would like his post. Then he would message me saying, oh, thank you for liking my post, it's so good to hear from you, how are you? And then we'd go right back to the whole song and dance again. But when we had that last argument where I put my foot down and I said no more, had that last argument where I put my foot down and I said no more, there was no hoovering after, like, that was the last discard.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
And how I knew it was the last discard was and this is the stage I added was stage five defamation. This is when there is no going back. They are completely done with you because they know they're done with you, because they'll look like an ass if they go back now. And to make it because we've got to remember we have to there's a shame that they're not wanting other people to see, and so what they do is to justify the discard, the final discard of I'm not going back. This time they have to completely destroy your reputation, talk crap about you to everyone that you know, make you look bad, make you feel bad so that they could feel better about themselves. And so this is the last and final stage.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
If you go through defamation, you're probably never going to get them back. And why would you want to? It's amazing what you would settle for after being in a relationship with a narcissist. So there's no judgment if you still want them back. But even if they did at one point want to come back, they won't, because they already know they've set themselves up like they can't go back now, like they've said all the shit that they've said about you. Other people know the shit that they've said about you. So now, if they go back to you, they're the ones that are going to lick an ass and they know it deep down. That, I think, is conscious. I really do.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
But this is the most painful because now not only have they hurt you, abandoned you, rejected you and left you for dead emotionally speaking, but now they're destroying your reputation and as a people pleaser, the worst thing in the world is having people talk shit behind your back. And man, oh man, did this thing. This was like. This was like a punishment worse than death. Knowing that he was out there spreading these rumors, spreading these lies, spreading these perspectives about what went down in the relationship, only to tear me down and make me look bad and make himself look good, was the most heartbreaking thing. Like how do you do this to someone who actually loved you? Like it is so heartless to me and probably and that's why I think this was the hardest thing for me to get over and still to this day, like I would feel nervous about running into these people. I avoid certain places because I don't want to run into anybody. It's still very alive this part, I think, within me. I'm over the relationship, but the defamation part was really hard for me to get over and I'm still, you know, working through it and you know to that point and we're going to talk about this, I think, on the next episode.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
You know there is no timeline. You know narcissistic relationships are not like other relationships. Right, the impacts are far more than just a painful breakup. It is a tearing down of your self-worth. That happens slowly over time, and to rebuild that also takes time, and you know so. When people are around you telling you, oh well, if it's still bothering you, then obviously you're not over it yet. Or, you know, maybe you should just get over it. You know, maybe it's time now to just get over it, to fuck with that, like it's going to take the time that it takes, and whatever time it takes, that is okay. You know, don't put pressure on yourself. Don't don't continue the story that there's something wrong with you. You need to fix something. Um, you should be moving through something more quickly. You should be over something already. Everyone else seems to think you should be over it. Fuck that. Move it through it in your own timing.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
There is a lot of repairing and rebuilding that takes place after you come out of a narcissistic, abusive relationship, and you know, this for me was an on again, off again, emotionally unavailable situation. It wasn't even like a full on relationship Living with a narcissist. Being with a narcissist, committed in a committed relationship with a narcissist over time is so devastating to your self-worth, you know. So that takes time to come back and rebuild from and that is okay. Okay. But again, the key lessons in all of this, and no matter what stage you find yourself in, right, and again I'm asking the question do you think you might be in a narcissistic relationship? And, if so, based on what I've said, what stage do you think you're in? You know, let me know at the femcast, just send me a DM. And the stages were idealization, devaluation, discard, hoovering, defamation, right Final words Self-love is your biggest defense against narcissistic relationships.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
This is why I went down this journey of radical self-love, because it was my only way to number one, heal from the narcissistic abuse and to put myself in a situation where I could avoid it happening again. Because there's nothing that'll deter a narcissist more than self-love for yourself Nothing. They don't like that shit. They can smell that shit a mile away. It will trigger the crap out of them. It was a little bit uncomfortable at first, until I realized what was happening, I was like, oh, it's like repellent. Okay, great, this is awesome. I love this. I'm going to keep doing this. It's amazing, honestly. But let me know, if you think you're in a narcissistic relationship, hit me up at the Femcast, send me a DM. Or you can email me, if you want, at mariathefemcoachcom, but DM is better. But that is my sage's vice.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
You know, love yourself, take time in the beginning of the relationship. Don't make any long-term conclusions about the relationship until you're at least six months in so you can see who it is that you're really, really, really dealing with. And if you've been in a narcissistic relationship before, you're afraid of it happening again. You know, just, awareness is key. Know the signs that you're with a narcissistic person. One of the previous episodes I talked about signs that he was a narcissist, so you can check that episode out.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:
And then there's also this one in terms of recognizing the stages. Awareness is key. Learn to recognize the signs, learn to love yourself, learn to uphold your boundaries and your standards, and you will get through this just fine, I promise Okay. And if you want help on a deeper level, by all means book a 90-minute intensive with me. We'll dive deep into figuring out where your toxic relationship patterns are coming from, so we can start to rewire some of those beliefs, so that you can start to create a different, up-leveled, energetic signature and point of attraction. I'm telling you, these sessions are so powerful they're 90 minutes, um and it'll absolutely change your energetic blueprint. Okay, that is all for now. You guys, stop waiting, chasing and convincing them to choose you, choose yourself and become a magnet for healthy love, the kind that chooses you every single fucking time because you deserve it. Okay, if you love this episode, it would mean the world to me If you would leave a positive rating and review on Apple podcasts or Spotify or wherever you're listening to this episode. Until next time. Loves, massive love.