87. Why Relationships Matter More Than Anything Else

“We’re not making the time to do the things that matter the most.” Why do relationships matter more than anything else in life? Big A and Wally unpack the profound significance of nurturing connections across all aspects of life—from business, to marriage, to best friends. We share our personal highs and lows in building these meaningful relationships, and Big A opens up about his friend telling him he didn't like Big A at first and how they eventually became best friends. 

Key Takeaways:

• Steps to building the best relationships of your life
• What NOT to do in relationships
• Why you don't have any real guy best friends
• What it means to be a servant leader 

We also discuss the evolving nature of marital disagreements, emphasizing the importance of self-reflection and open communication. Wrapping up, we stress the significance of a spiritual foundation, prioritizing family, and being a servant leader to ensure that professional pursuits do not come at the expense of our most cherished relationships.

Iron Sharpens Iron Community: https://go.viewfromthetop.com/community
LinkedIn Group: https://www.viewfromthetop.com/group
Local Roundtable Events: https://go.viewfromthetop.com/isiroundtable

Connect with Big A and Wally:
View From The Top Website: https://www.viewfromthetop.com/
The Climb Newsletter: https://www.viewfromthetop.com/climb
Big A’s Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aaronwalkerviewfromthetop/
Wally’s Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevinwallenbeck/

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey everybody, welcome back to View From the Top podcast, where we help growth-minded men who desire momentum in their business, their family and their finances get through the valleys and up the mountains for their very own View From the Top. Hey, welcome back again. I'm glad you're listening in today. And have you ever had a core value in your life that just sticks out like a sore thumb I mean in a good way, like I mean it's noticeable by anyone and everyone around you? Well, today we're going to deep dive into one of Big A's core values, and that is relationships matter most. So listen in as Big A and I take you behind the curtain on what's worked, what hasn't, and maybe even what we're still struggling with when it comes to our business, our marriage, our family and our community relationship. So, without further ado, let's get the only guy I know that shaves 75% of his skin surface Aaron Big A Walker.

Speaker 2: 0:58

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 75% of my body. I don't have any hair on my legs and you've accused me of shaving my legs.

Speaker 1: 1:06

Oh, I thought you shaved. I thought you shaved your legs?

Speaker 2: 1:08

No, I just don't have any hair on my legs. How do you not have any hair on your legs? Is that even a thing? Because there's no hair on my legs?

Speaker 1: 1:14

Has there ever been hair on your legs?

Speaker 2: 1:16

No, no, really no, never.

Speaker 1: 1:20

Has there ever been hair on your head?

Speaker 2: 1:22

Yes, I had a lot of hair on my head. I know I've seen pictures, I'm just kidding, I do shave the vast majority of my head, though I shaved it Well.

Speaker 1: 1:31

I thought that was the biggest part of your body. No, I'm just kidding, I'll give you the other time.

Speaker 2: 1:35

No, you're right, big pumpkin head man, how?

Speaker 1: 1:37

you been I'm doing well, man Enjoying this wonderful hot Tennessee summers.

Speaker 2: 1:45

Boy, it came on quick, didn't it?

Speaker 1: 1:46

It went from spring to summer overnight, yeah yeah, cruising, man Cruising, and these, I'm sure, other parts of the country are feeling this too or hearing this too, but the cicadas are insane this year.

Speaker 2: 1:57

Aren't they crazy? It's nuts. Yeah, I'll be glad. 13 years, you know they're gone for a 13-year period. Isn't that crazy? They're only here.

Speaker 1: 2:10

They breed and they die and they go in the ground and they stay there 13 years and come back. It's like what's the point? What a life, what a world. It's crazy. They're alive when they're here.

Speaker 2: 2:15

Hey, in the introduction earlier you did say relationships matter most, our number one core value, and I couldn't be more excited to talk about that today, I mean, it is absolutely our number one core value.

Speaker 2: 2:28

Relationships matter most and I'm really excited about that. But I want to ask you a question before we get into the interview. When you think back over the course of your you know 50 plus years now what's been the most valuable personal connection for you, and you can say their name if you want or if you'd rather not. That's okay too. But when you think about relationships mattering most, does anybody come to mind for you.

Speaker 1: 2:57

Are we? Are we going like aside from our spouses, kind of thing?

Speaker 2: 3:00

I think that's a given right and so outside of our spouse outside of our spouse. Is there somebody that comes to mind for you?

Speaker 1: 3:12

I got to be like I have a different example. I have a couple of regrets, but I mean there's definitely were people that spoke into my life. I think what we're even talking about today. I know from previous conversations I've had with you that that we we approach relationships very different and man, I just straight up I'm going to say that, like, I've had a number of impactful, influential relationships with other men in my life I could list a whole bunch off.

Speaker 1: 3:48

I don't know if there's one though that like just stands out like above them all for all time guy that's been, like, you know, best buddies, hanging out, um, speaking into my life, you know, being a good example for years and years and years. Um, you know, I could, I could, I could say my, my dad, one of my dads, I could say that. But even that, I don't know if, if, uh, if that I'm just being frank and being transparent, like I don't know if that would even be true. So I don't have that one person which I actually just being Frank and being transparent, like I don't know if that would even be true. So I don't have that one person which I actually saw the notes and I saw this question as I was preparing for the episode and I got to admit I was. I didn't want to, I didn't want to admit that I'm just being.

Speaker 2: 4:37

I mean, that's what we do here, though, right.

Speaker 1: 4:50

Some of these things we can really, and then I didn't want to not say people that I'm like, oh, this person's, you know, contributed my life in this way, in this way, in this way, but, but man, like the most valuable personal connection I've ever had, um, I don't know if I can answer that and I feel almost embarrassed and ashamed to say that I mean we all have areas in our lives that we wish were different, and that's one that you're like hey, I wished I had invested maybe more time or had somebody invest more time.

Speaker 2: 5:04

It's okay, it's not wrong.

Speaker 1: 5:07

How about you?

Speaker 2: 5:09

Yeah, I think back. I do want to name a couple of people. It's always dangerous doing that because somebody will hear it and go oh, I didn't make the list. That's not the case, but for various seasons in my life there's been a handful of guys that's really meant a lot to me Alan Lindsay, one of my best friends. Now, for approaching five decades, that's a long time. Right to have a guy. He knows everything about me. Hugh Morris, chris Freeman, two of my accountability partners. We've spent a lot of time together probably 30 years getting to know each other. But I do want to talk about one particular guy that's none of the three of those guys today that's probably made a consistent impact on my life intentionally, and that's Bob Warren.

Speaker 2: 5:56

Bob Warren had a ministry up in Hardin Kentucky called Basic and Bob played basketball for Vanderbilt. Actually, he was kind of an all-star there. Back in the 60s they retired his jersey and he's got a big trophy case at Vanderbilt with all of his memorabilia in it. It's pretty cool. Then he went on to play for the San Antonio Spurs for about eight years in pro ball and then he was saved and accepted Christ and moved back to Hardin Kentucky and started a ministry called Basic, where he really walked with people one-on-one in groups, had people up to his. He had about 350 acre farm buildings all over it and they would do conferences, but we probably talked two to four times a week, I guess, for almost 20 years, and what he poured into me and taught me quite honestly, when I think about our core values if I was being totally honest, I wasn't the originator of all those it came through his mentorship and his teaching and training. So, yeah, bob Warren, you know what's cool today is his son. Benjamin Warren is in our mastermind group, known Benjamin, since he was about four years old and his dad passed away about 10 years ago and I got the privilege of being his best man in his wedding and so it's been fun to be in relationship with those guys and really walk hand in hand.

Speaker 2: 7:35

But Bob probably taught me more about relationships and how it matters, and people matter most, above and above and beyond everything. And so, yeah, man, that's why I'm excited to talk about these relationships today the people that are in ISI and people that I coach and people that I'm around, family members and people in my small group. It's no secret that relationships matter most to me personally and our organization as a whole. I mean because we talk about this nonstop in Iron, sharpens Iron and it's just at the forefront of our thoughts all the time. Every decision that we make personally and professionally is really filtered through this.

Speaker 2: 8:24

Relationships matter most. It's like how's it going to impact the relationship and what is that going to do and what's that going to mean to me and are we going to have regrets? And I mean like we really think through decisions that we make through that filter and then when we scale our business, you know we think is that going to be beneficial to the relationships that are already here? And we need to make a profit, obviously, but how is that going to impact the relationship? Is it fair what we're charging for, the deliverables that we're giving? And you know we want to build high net worth.

Speaker 2: 8:58

All those things are important. I don't ever want to take away from it and while you've heard me say numbers of times, I hate it when people that's got a little bit of money says, oh, money doesn't matter. You know that's just not true. Money does matter. It's a very, very important tool and we've got to make money right. We've got to make a profit so that we can serve people long-term, and so it's important for us that we make a profit here at Iron Sharpens Iron.

Speaker 1: 9:22

I have a question for you. You mentioned relationships matter most and you don't want to have any regrets. Do you have any regrets in relationships? Do you look back? I'll give you an example of one of mine that I wish I would have done this differently. Going back to high school, there was a principal. His name was Harold Wolcott. Frankly, he just looked like an owl. Uh, he did. He had the face, the whole thing, his head spin all the way around.

Speaker 1: 9:50

I think so, man, the guy had eyes, the toe I have an eyes in the back of your head. You know, he had the glasses and he had the whole deal, his whole Typical like principal, just conservative Went to a Christian school. He just, you know, drew the line, you knew where. It was Kind of an introverted guy so he kind of looked like he was just staring at you all the time. But he was my high school principal from, you know, ninth grade through when I graduated.

Speaker 1: 10:21

And in high school he was one of the guys in my life I had coaches and some other teachers, but he was the guy in my life that had the most impact on me. And it wasn't because he talked a lot, he just was consistent, he had integrity, he was honest. You knew what the line was and he held you to it. And, um, I can give a number of examples. But so, uh, I was at the.

Speaker 1: 10:54

There was a principal's award they gave out every year, and so in 12th grade, uh, he awarded me that, which I didn't obviously deserve, but he awarded me that, that to me, and just the, the impact and influence he had in my life, well, a few years ago, god put it on my heart, I should say if it was probably probably about 10 years ago. God put it in my heart hey, you need to, you need to reach out to Mr Wolcott and thank him for that. And I put it off. I put it off for a while, like probably seven years, and then about three or four years ago I knew his daughter. So I reached out to her finally on Facebook and said, hey, do you have your dad's address? Like I'd really like to send him something. And she said he passed away about three months ago. That's just a simple regret.

Speaker 2: 14:07

You know it's a lesson learned going forward. You know we're a faith-based organization and we know that we're prompted by the Holy Spirit and I don't take that for granted either and when you're prompted, we got to act on it.

Speaker 1: 14:21

That's right.

Speaker 2: 14:22

And when you were prompted, lesson learned for the future, act on it. You know, reach out.

Speaker 1: 14:29

How about you?

Speaker 2: 14:31

yeah, uh, early on I was really all about building a business and I don't know that. I spent the time thinking through the value of relationships, the first probably 10 or 15 years. I think it was really about the time that I had the automobile accident in 2001.

Speaker 2: 14:50

I was 40 years old then, where it really heightened my awareness to the brevity of life and how it can change in a nanosecond One phone call away, or one doctor's visit away, or one accident away from our whole life changing away. We're one accident away from our whole life changing, and so I think I've really focused more today on the relationships than ever before as I get older. You know, I can't believe I'll be 64 on my next birthday.

Speaker 1: 15:22

You've definitely been a great example of that. I was, uh, uh. It was interesting when I first, when I first came on board, I've been a customer, you know, when I was, I was an ISI member still am today but I was when I had my business before. I sold it for a number of years and then had the opportunity to come in and work, you know, intimately with the team here and, and I remember when we came on and we had good core values before, like they were solid things, but we took the time to really think through, like you know, kind of through founders mentality, which is, which is you as the founder, like what were, what were those values and those characteristics that you brought into? And man, I think the number one that we came up with, like really quickly, like like it was just, like relationships matter most, and that became the number one. You, you did. You've done it for a long time. You've been a great example to me, a great example to so many other people, and I'm grateful for that. So thank you.

Speaker 1: 16:23

Um and uh also, it was just. It was just. It's the thing that I said in the intro like sticks out, like a sore thumb. I don't mean that in a negative way. It's just like there it is Prominent. Yeah, it's just so prominent. You're right, it's a very good word and, uh, man, I've enjoyed. I've enjoyed learning from you, so thank you for that.

Speaker 2: 16:43

Well, man, I appreciate it. Wally, I don't know what to say. Thank you, we're getting all sappy here on our podcast.

Speaker 1: 16:48

We're only getting to the beginning. We got to get moving. Thank you, yeah.

Speaker 2: 16:51

I appreciate that. You know what I was thinking about. In the relationships, it mattering most is that all of us listening to this episode today we're aspirational. You know you want to accomplish, you want to build your business and you want to, you know, be recognized. You want to, you know, be recognized, you want to be heard, you want to be seen, you want to make a contribution and those things are great. But we can never do that at the cost of the relationship, and we'll dive in in a few minutes on some places that I've really kind of dropped the ball early in my marriage and in my career.

Speaker 2: 17:24

As we go through this, but really in my career, as we go through this, but really at the end of the day, I think the relationships should matter most to all of us. It's not just for us. Feel free to adopt that as your core value if you're listening to this episode today. But just as a person, just as a steward over the relationships that God has given us, let's really make a concerted effort. As a steward over the relationships that God has given us, you know, let's really make a concerted effort at fostering those well, really leaning into the relationships that God has put around us, whether it be colleagues or you know, people that are our peers, people that are our customers, and when I think about how important these relationships are, I've got this is not I didn't intend to say this, but I will say it because it does matter.

Speaker 2: 18:16

Dr Dale Pilkington is a friend of mine for also almost 50 years. We played ball together in school and he's an ophthalmologist here in Nashville and a couple of weeks ago he did some surgery on my eyes, had cataract surgery and he did the surgery. And when I went into his surgery center here in Nashville, wally, it was unbelievable. I mean the level of customer service, I mean the way they took care of me and they acted like I was family. They acted and they didn't even know that Dale and I had a personal relationship.

Speaker 2: 18:51

As a matter of fact, no no, they weren't, because I even told them. They said something about Dr Pilkington and I said, yeah, where's that rascal at? She said, do you know Dale? And I said, yeah, we've been friends since high school, you know, even before high school. And so they said, oh, that's great, but they were really taking care of me well before, so went through the procedure, got home, went back the next day, same way, same level of service, and I came home and I shot a video and it was two minutes long and I sent it in thanking them for their customer service. And Dale was so taken aback by my willingness to thank him and see, that's some of the things that we're going to get into in a minute. When people really do things good for you, we should take the time to thank them appropriately, and we're going to talk about some of those things kind of along the way.

Speaker 2: 19:43

But, wally, I know that you and I have a love for relationships, but it's kind of a different approach. Sure, I'm more extroverted, you're more introverted in regards to relationships. How would you say, from your side, being a little more reserved, like I'm boisterous and loud and all that kind of stuff, and you're a little more reserved, how do you approach relationships? I know they matter to you, but is it top of mind, is it something that's just like? How do you think about relationships?

Speaker 1: 20:17

Yeah, I think the easiest way for me to answer that is I tend to have fewer connections but I go deeper with them and I can't. I can't compare Right, cause I'm not. I think that the best way for me to explain this is that you and I have often talked and you know you'll make 30, 40, 50 phone calls a day to people and connect with them for 10, 15 minutes. Um and for me, like I, may make four or five phone calls a day, but I'm on there for a half hour to an hour each, and it doesn't mean that either way is better or worse. It doesn't mean you don't have long conversations with other people. It doesn't mean that I don't have shorter conversations with people.

Speaker 1: 21:01

I just mean on average. I think that, like my approach and that's probably you want to say like introvertedness or whatever you want to call it that's just the way that I, I get more energized, like naturally, by going deeper with a few people than I do by by, you know, touching a lot of people at one time. Touching a lot of people at one time. So it's not that I don't have, you know, I think they say that 30 guys, uh, 30 people, that kind of in your inner circle, is about the max, um, and so definitely have more than 30, but I don't, I don't touch them every day, I don't touch them every week, right?

Speaker 2: 21:44

So it's just, and it's's not, it's not even intentional, it's just how I am Right, it's just I think you touched on something that's really important that I'd like to camp on for a second. You said it gives me energy to go deeper Relationships. Historically this is kind of a blanket comment, but conversations for introverted personalities are energy draining historically.

Speaker 1: 22:18

Would you? Would you agree with that? No, no, I actually don't agree with that. I actually think introverted. Historically, my, my observation and my experience has been it's less about like going one-on-one with somebody is is it does drain you yes, it does, but it gives. It's less about like going one-on-one with somebody is is it does drain you yes, it does, but it gives. It gives energy in the sense that you're deep in the conversation. When I'm around a bunch of people, at one time.

Speaker 2: 22:39

The depth is the key.

Speaker 1: 22:40

Yeah, the key to the energy. Yeah, if I'm around someone just like you, right, if I'm around someone that just is annoying and all about themselves and never asks any questions, and yeah, that gets old really fast. Right, if you're the one having to keep the conversation going all the time and that gets old for anybody right.

Speaker 1: 22:55

That that has a desire to want to have any any kind of meaningful relationship. Where I get that introverted part, where I get tired and drained, is when and drained isn't necessarily bad. So what I mean by that is like drained it means I have to re-energize right later on, but usually when I'm around like groups of people. That for me, that's my experience. But like in relationship and and one-on-ones. Um, it's energizing for me to like get deep and one-on-one and and dive into stuff and have interesting conversations. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 23:29

See you need more alone time to kind of re-energize and get ready. Right, and when I'm alone I'm thinking about who I can call. I'm like I go to the lake, you know, at four in the morning I'm thinking, okay, we got people all over the world.

Speaker 1: 23:45

Who's up that I can call?

Speaker 2: 23:48

and I can talk to until I get to the lake. And then when I get on the lake I can put earbuds in and I can talk while I'm fishing. You know, like it really stimulates me to talk to people, like I love to do that, but when I do hit the wall it's pretty serious, like I mean I completely shut down and it takes a minute, if not weeks, to re-energize, to build that back up, because you go so hard for so long. So I just want to say to the listeners out there, whoever you are, just be mindful of that when you're building the relationships and if it's deeper conversations that give you energy, okay, take adequate rest. If it's somebody like me, you know I would recommend, after years of doing this, pace yourself even more and right, don't hit the wall.

Speaker 1: 24:38

About that big A.

Speaker 1: 24:39

I just want to say this because you know, I think being in business for a number of years now, a couple, couple decades and you've been in longer than that um meet a lot of interesting people. You know I struggled with you uh, not that you were a problem at all like I struggled, for I still do, sometimes, just being transparent, like I do when it's like man, I would love to be like that, I'd love to be like that guy that like can just connect with that many people and make their day and help them, encourage them. And you know, I have to remind myself it's not how God's created me and so I really had to be in touch is the wrong word but really figure out, like, what has God called me to do? What has he called you to do? What has he called somebody else to do? And I need to be me right, I can't be, I can't be Sonia, my wife. I can't be you, I can't be. You know the other you know hundreds of guys that from from ISI and I can't be them. Like, I have to be me. And so we want to be mindful, like in leadership. Sometimes we can, we can really put ourselves in situations where we're trying to be somebody that we're not.

Speaker 1: 25:55

When it comes to relationships, yeah, we just have to be very intentional and decide the kinds of relationships we're going to have and and if, if, we need more support, like I know a number of guys that trying to lead organizations, especially small businesses, where you know they are that person and they have been, and then they start growing a team and they think they still have to be that same person to everybody all the time into the future. And the reality is, in growing organizations like, that's not, you can't have, you can't, you can't have the same relationships with everybody that you've always had. That's hard and so you can. You can figure out what relationships matter to. They all matter, but what? What relationships can you speak into and best influence and impact?

Speaker 1: 26:41

And then find other people like on your team. Find other people in your family. Maybe your wife is better at at you know, connecting with other people in your neighborhood to get together and meet them right. It's not that you don't want to meet them, you're just not good at the outreach, maybe she is, and so get her on board and have her help and so you can enlist other people right To be of help to you. Put yourself in situations that that will help you along that way. But don't be you Like. Don't compare and try to be somebody you're not. You'll weigh yourself out faster than I don't know. You probably got some saying you could use for that faster than a toad on a backwater somewhere, I don't know, wally.

Speaker 2: 27:21

Let me ask you a question, though, in regards to that, because you and I are heavily involved in personal and professional development in every regard, and we always talk a lot about pushing yourself outside your comfort zone, right? Sometimes it's uncomfortable. How do you balance that with saying this is me and who I am, it's my personality, which may not lend itself towards reaching out at all, versus pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone? Like, how do you balance pushing yourself versus not getting outside of your comfort zone? Like, how do you balance pushing yourself versus not getting outside of your personality, I think Because some of this stuff is not easy and it's not comfortable and it takes a lot of work.

Speaker 1: 28:00

So I had this experience a couple of weeks ago. I had gone on a trip to Ohio to help out my son-in-law and my daughter on a rental house that they had purchased and they're rehabbing it. So I'd gone up there for a trip to Ohio to help out my my son-in-law and my daughter on a rental house that they had purchased and they're rehabbing it. So I'd gone up there for a couple of days to help out and I hopped in the truck to come back about three 30 on Saturday afternoon. And on my way back, as soon as I got in the truck, I just was like, oh, I got some windshield time and it's just going to be me and I'm going to take this. It's four and a half hour drive, five hour drive. It's like just give me me. I'm like the Holy spirit was clear and it was like no, no, no, and like you need to, you need to connect with some people and make yourself available. And I was like, oh, I don't want to do that, like I don't, it's outside, not my comfort zone, the sense that I can't do it. But I didn't want to do it. Right, and I let.

Speaker 1: 28:56

The Holy spirit went out and I went on and and I texted about 10 guys and I was like, hey, it's Saturday afternoon, I don't know if you got something going on or not, but I got five and a half hours.

Speaker 1: 29:01

I'd love to connect with you if you're available. And then, like 30 seconds, somebody had called and we had a great conversation for a while and that was the only phone call I got, the whole time no-transcript. Like they were such an encouragement to me, like it was crazy. And so I think, letting the Holy Spirit, like you said earlier, right, like I'm learning that slowly but surely obviously with my earlier example I didn't follow through I think that's the difference I do, I think being open to what the Holy Spirit is leading us to do, because Holy Spirit, god will provide the strength and the courage to step out a little bit and do something, whether it's, you know, seeing your neighbor you know that you don't really know that well across the fence or whatever, and just striking up a conversation and saying hello when the Spirit prompts you, because it's not just the right thing to do, it's the best thing to do.

Speaker 2: 30:00

You know, it's funny, as you said that I started laughing inside when you said it about your neighbor across the street. A couple of my buddies was telling me the other day they were going on a mission trip to Haiti and they were going to minister to the people in Haiti. And I said, hey, what's your next-door neighbor's name? I know Guy that lives across the street and he goes. I don't know. I said go across the street. It was funny. Hey, that's a great segue what you said into this particular episode.

Speaker 2: 30:27

I really wanted to cover kind of three very distinct relationships, and one being spiritual, and I think the order is important how we develop relationships, personal relationships and professional relationships and I'll just speak for me personally just for a second, and then you can kind of add to this.

Speaker 2: 30:46

I do believe that it's vital to build relationships in a particular order, and what I mean by that is is I think we as individuals really need to connect spiritually, because I view spirituality is something that sets the stage for other relationships.

Speaker 2: 31:08

It gives you the correct filter, or the lens, if you will, by which you build the other relationships. Now, not everybody that listens to this podcast is going to be in total alignment, wally, with you and I and I know that completely we have, you know, such a wide variance of people that listen to our podcast. You and I both are Christian, and so a lot of the things that we talk about will come from the Christian perspective here. In no way are we ever trying to alienate anyone or say that you're a bad person or you should see it the way we do. That's not what we're saying at all. We're just sharing from our podcast the way we feel and the way I think as an individual, and we're just sharing with you truth kind of as we see it. I do believe that if we grasp the concept of being a servant leader, our relationships are far better served, and a lot of people look at that as like you're a doormat and I'm like no, it's not what I'm talking about.

Speaker 2: 32:08

It's not that it's like we're to be servant leaders in our family, in our community, to our customers, to our colleagues, and I think that's a concept that we've got to get our arms around. There's a one-on-one coaching client that I had recently and we were talking about that. He's very dominant, he's very forceful, he's a high-D personality and he's tried to run his family like he does his business. And he told me quite honestly. He said my wife and I are not getting along very well at all right now. I said well, I don't guess. So If you're treating her the way you're telling me, right, you're not being a servant leader.

Speaker 2: 32:47

He said well, that feels like a wuss. And I said what do you mean? He said well, I need to go in and snap my fingers and make things happen and I'm like that's not going to get you very far. That's not going to get you very far. And he goes well, I see what you're saying, but I've never done that. And so now for about three months he's been doing that and having conversations and he texted me the other day and he said it's been a game changer. He said I didn't think that would happen, but it's been a game changer and I think if we can grasp that concept of being a servant leader kind of along the way, I really, really think it will help.

Speaker 1: 33:24

What is that? When you talk about servant leader, so like, what does that mean? Like how do you define that when someone says yeah, I'm a servant?

Speaker 2: 33:33

leader. Like, what does that mean? I think it means thinking of yourself less than the person you're serving. So I got it really backwards early in my marriage, like I would do things to get recognized and Robin could pick up on that a mile away right, she knew it. Or I had other motives and she's like why don't you just serve me and meet my needs? And as a result of that, the natural reciprocity will come out of me wanting to serve you more. Right, that reciprocity is like you give and you give and you give, and I know there's no underlying motivation. It makes me desirous to serve you the same, same way in our relationships with our customers.

Speaker 2: 34:19

And I don't say that we should go out there and be the doormat, like I said earlier. But I think if the customer realizes you care about them, you really want to give good service, you're really interested in their repeat business, you want to give extra value where you can. You want to see them win. I think that's being a servant leader. Now they should compensate you well for those services. Right, we should be compensated for that. I think the profits will come if you will take care of the client, stop making the sale and serve them well and, as a result of that, you know they're going to tell their friends and their friends are going to tell their friends and you're just going to build a really good business by being a servant leader and you and I have talked about this numbers of times. You know with people, you can combat them, you can prove you're right, you can argue, you can do those things. You're going to back them in a corner. They're going to come out. They want to defend themselves and I often tell people it's like grabbing somebody by the arm and squeezing. Their normal inclination is to pull and get away and to defend themselves, and that's what we do, metaphorically speaking, oftentimes is that we try to not be the servant leader. We try to prove ourselves and show ourselves that we're right.

Speaker 2: 35:41

One of our team members and I won't call their name sent an email out to someone one time and they put in the email, as I've previously stated, and did a photo what you call a screenshot of the email, and I know what they were trying to do was to show me they had done their job. But I quickly called and said don't ever do that again, because what you just did was humiliated the customer. You've made them look like they couldn't ask you for something again and to say, as I've previously stated, and here it is, that's like not being a servant leader. It's like our response is always yes, I'm happy to do this. Here's the information you requested.

Speaker 2: 36:31

It's a tiny, tiny example professionally, but I think you get the gist of what I'm trying to say. It's the same way in our relationships with our spouse and you know, robin and I have huge disagreements and we argue and fight, like all couples, but we do that less and less as we grow older, because we're understanding that we are here to serve one another, we're here to take care of each other. It's our responsibility, it's what we signed up for, it's what we chose to do and so, yeah, I won't belabor the point, but that's what I mean when I say server-level.

Speaker 1: 37:06

A quick question, follow-up question. Thank you, for that's great. I love it. I think it helps a ton. Have you found in your relationship with your wife? You guys have been married? What 40?

Speaker 2: 37:18

44 years.

Speaker 1: 37:20

Congratulations. By the way, it's pretty amazing. That's awesome. 44 years you said that you still get in disagreements.

Speaker 2: 37:28

We have some good ones.

Speaker 1: 37:30

So question though as you've matured in your marriage, do you disagree less or more of the same? Like in general, do you disagree more, less or the same?

Speaker 2: 37:47

I've never been posed that question.

Speaker 1: 37:48

I'm not talking about actually arguing, I'm not talking about fighting, it's just opinion and just you know like I think we?

Speaker 2: 37:54

I think I think we disagree less. Less. Yeah, because 44 years you already kind of know what she's going to say and do and respond and I've learned to kind of prepare for that. That doesn't mean I always like how she's going to respond, but I'd say eight out of 10 times I can tell you how she's going to respond and she probably can tell nine out of 10 or 10 out of 10 times with me, and so I think you handle it differently when you know how they're going to respond. You're kind of prepared and you know what you're going to say. So I would say we still disagree on things.

Speaker 1: 38:30

We're two different people.

Speaker 2: 38:32

We see things differently, and I would say, though less I think we disagree less.

Speaker 1: 38:38

That's interesting. Asani and I, like. We've married 31 years, almost 32. And we are in this season of our marriage where we find ourselves disagreeing more, but it's only because we're getting to a maturity phase of our marriage where we're willing to say what we really think.

Speaker 2: 38:59

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 39:00

So it's interesting, like for me and you and you know been married what, I've been married this, everybody's marriage is different and we go through seasons of that.

Speaker 2: 39:08

We may go through several weeks where we're like what the crap? Why are we fighting every day, you know?

Speaker 1: 39:13

but I mean overall, yeah, I just think for us it's been so yeah, so for us it's been so long that we haven't been willing to really say what we think, so we didn't argue, and now we're getting better at it. So it's interesting. All right, keep going.

Speaker 2: 39:30

You really didn't do for those that are listening, that you're newly married or you've been married five or ten years. Don't do what Wally's done for 30 years. No, don't Not throwing you under the bus.

Speaker 1: 39:42

No, you're right, I agree you need to sit down.

Speaker 2: 39:46

This is turning into a marriage podcast episode, but I will say this 95% of the time, we solve problems not during the argument, but when I go to Robin or she comes to me when we're not arguing and I'll say I've been thinking about X and help me understand the way you see this, or help me understand what you meant when you said it. Normally Robin goes I meant exactly what I said normally but but have the courage to go and have that discussion when you're not arguing. You're not going to solve it when you're arguing. Yeah, you know, when I think about strong personal relationships, especially like with family, I want to camp out here for a couple of minutes. This is so fundamental to a successful and fulfilling life, and I got this way way out of balance Professionally when I was so focused on building a company. There was a lot of relationship capital spent as a result of me being a way hard charger and you know you've been around me for a decade you know that, like when I get involved, like I'm in it, and I was way, way, way more so persistent when I was younger. I had more energy, obviously, then, and so I wasn't a real fun guy to be around.

Speaker 2: 41:23

Matter of fact, chris Freeman and I just went to Lake Fork in Dallas, texas, and fished and we just got back, actually last week, and on the way down there, of course you know it's 600 miles down there so we had a lot of windshield time and we were talking, reminiscing, and he said A, I want to tell you something. I said yeah. He said the first five years I loved being around Robin, but I hated being around you. And I said what? And he goes, robin's always been so sweet. He said you are an arrogant b-hole. And I said what are you saying? He goes. I'm just telling you, man, I didn't enjoy Now, this is 30 years ago he was talking about.

Speaker 2: 42:05

But he said now, he said you're my best friend and I thought that's cool to see that relationship over time. But that's what I'm talking about when I'm saying that we've got to do a real self-reflection about the way we're treating people, the way we're treating our family, especially our family, and our business colleagues as well. But if you want to be successful long-term, you have got to get your family's relationships in a good spot. And I'm going to tell you something, man there's nothing that takes any more work, nothing than your family relationships, because you're in the house with these kids. The kids get married, they move away, but they're still in the family. The grandkids come along. Everybody's got different personalities.

Speaker 2: 42:47

I think they should do it one way, you get the in-laws and you got other factors, and it just complicates things over and over. But I want to tell you something, man when those relationships are screwed up and they're out of balance, there's nothing more miserable. I don't know of anything that can mess up your sense of fulfillment and purpose and meaning in life than family that's out of balance, when those relationships don't matter most. And so, if you're listening to this episode today, I really ask you to think about your relationship with your spouse, with your children. Where is it at? What can you do better? How can you make that the cornerstone of what you're trying to accomplish and then work on your professional relationship?

Speaker 1: 43:32

So what about you?

Speaker 2: 43:32

Do you think you did a fair job with that early on?

Speaker 1: 43:37

This has been an area that I struggled with for a long time, I think in my family not so much. We've worked hard at that. I've been very diligent at that Even from early on. It was something that I had a pretty good relationship with my parents, but it was one area that Simon and I both said, hey, like we're really going to. You know, this relationship matters with our daughters as we're raising them and then, as they started getting married, the relationship with the son-in-law. So that's not been perfect but it's been intentional.

Speaker 1: 44:09

But one area in relationships, especially at work, I have struggled with is that and it's a temptation for me today is that I can get so focused on the thing that the relationship becomes transactional, and it's a struggle for me today at times.

Speaker 1: 44:25

I have to be reminded of that. I was one of our team members and I did a, did a, on our leadership team. We did a one-on-one kind of like an annual review type process for each of us. They did it for me and I did it for them, and we talked about superpowers and kryptonite and blind spots and and that was one of them that that that they brought up was that they didn't say transactional, but that's, that's how it felt and it's like, yeah, like I, I recognize that some, not always when I'm doing it, but I can look back or I can see and, oh man, it's so right. I just get so focused on the thing, and so I've done that over the years and fortunately I've had good people around me that have pointed it out most of the time and I've been able to correct it and move on. But it is a struggle for me.

Speaker 2: 45:20

I think that's the important part. That's the important part, though, is you recognize that you're willing to own it and then make modifications to change it.

Speaker 1: 45:28

I don't want to, all the time I'm being. I'm just no, you don't want to, I don't want to, but I know what matters most Keep burning up those relationship capital.

Speaker 2: 45:34

That's what matters most and practical things that we can do kind of as we go through building our relationships. I'll just go through quickly some things that I do when I'm building my spiritual relationship because we said earlier that's one of the things that we should really focus on first and foremost. For me, you know, the majority of the time I would be lying if I said it was 100% of the time. I'm not 100% of the time, but the vast majority of the time I'm having a quiet time in the mornings. You know 15, 20 minutes. I'm not a big journaler. Sometimes I'll journal, but it's rare, so I'm not a big journaler.

Speaker 2: 46:09

I know you like to journal. You write down everything. I'm scared somebody will find it and read it, so I don't journal. But I study the Bible. You know I'll listen to praise and worship music. Oftentimes I pray. I get in my hot tub. That's a quiet spot for me and I love to pray there because there's no distractions. It's 4 or 4.30, 5 o'clock in the morning so it's still dark outside and I love to sit out there in the hot tub. It's just so relaxing to me and pray.

Speaker 2: 46:36

And the other thing that we've made a practice my entire life, not just as an adult. We've made a practice my entire life, not just as an adult, but from the time I was a child forward, is going to church and being with a small group. Like our small group, there's 10 couples. We meet in each other's homes and we've been doing that for over 20 years with the same 10 couples and we've built a life together. We travel together, we eat out together, we play cards. Last night I was one of their houses till nine, 30 or 10 o'clock playing cards after dinner, and it's just continual building that small group life with people and getting to know them intimately. So for me, uh, spiritually, those are some of the things that we do. What about you, wally?

Speaker 1: 47:18

What are a couple of things you do? You're spot on with all those. Yeah, I think those are you, wally. What are the helpful things you do? You're spot on with all those. Yeah, I think those are. Those are a great the consistency part. I'm not a 4 30 guy, uh, but my 6, 30, 7 o'clock get out on the back patio with my journal for lunch at that time yeah, you're having lunch.

Speaker 1: 47:34

I think the important part is find a time that you can commit to and it works uh for you and stick with it building that relationship, relationships even spiritually we tend to forget this but good relationships with your wife and your kids and the people in your circle of influence. It takes time. There's no substitute for time, and that's the same goes with our relationship with God. There's no substitute for time invested and not just praying and talking, but praying and listening, being on the receiving end of the conversation as well.

Speaker 2: 48:11

You know, you and I've done something, even on this call you more so than me that has built our relationship over time as we start transitioning out of spiritual, talking about personal just for a second. There's nothing that substitutes to build a relationship for quality time there either. I mean, you can't build a meaningful relationship with people you don't spend time with, and so that's why I'm always going to dinner with our friends and we're doing traveling together. We're playing pickleball together. They're at our house playing cards. We're at their house playing cards. We're playing cornhole. They're coming our house playing cards. We're at their house playing cards. We're playing cornhole. They're coming over playing ping pong. Whatever, it's just spending time, just getting to know them. So listen, don't isolate. If you're listening to this today, you're not gonna build personal, long-term relationships. Isolation, you're just not gonna do it because you gotta get to know the people.

Speaker 1: 49:06

Hey, big A. I want to ask this question about this because I sat with a group of eight to ten guys from our church actually in a small men's group some months ago and we met for a while together and got to know each other a little bit and somebody made this statement. We were talking about our dads together and he got to know each other a little bit and somebody made the statement. We were talking about our dads and somebody said, man, like why don't you know, I'd love to have this. They were talking about this story about his dad and how they, about he's got these buddies that they do this thing with. You know, every month or every year, whatever it was. It was something about they're all into like old cars and they, you know, they've been doing it for decades. Right, and you've talked about doing things for decades. Other people and uh, we were, they were talking about this. One of the guys says, man, I would, I would love, you know, to have that today, like I would love to, to like have these relationships like my dad's have, and a bunch of like number of the guys were like, yeah, yeah, I'd love to have that too.

Speaker 1: 50:01

I was sitting there and I was like huh. So I started asking questions. I'm like because I don't. I mean, I don't have that as much as I would like to too. And so I started asking questions.

Speaker 1: 50:11

I was like so when was the last time that you went on a fishing trip with somebody, one of your buddies? When's the last time that you had them over for dinner? When's the last time that you, you play cornhole with them? When's the last time that you just called him up and talked to him on your way home from work? When's the last time you and they're all like well, I don't, they're not doing it. And I'm like well, how are we going to have I'm speaking to the choir here Like how are we going to have those relationships if we're not building, we're not going to have them in 20 years, if we're not developing them, building them today.

Speaker 1: 50:47

And one of the guys says well, man, it's so hard, you know being married and and it got little kids at home and you know they got to go to soccer practice here and this there. And I don't know if we should talk about this in the podcast or not. Maybe it's a whole different episode, but there's a, there's definitely been a shift in family dynamic and relationships outside the family. You know, I'd say over the past 10 to 15, maybe 20 years and even lately I don't know if COVID played into this or what but just the more guys I talk to, like we're not taking the time, making the time to build relationships, because we were, we've got so much going on at work at home that we just don't build that in and make that a priority. And you know, I'm saying that to the those of you guys who are listening right now and you're not doing any of this. You're like I don't have time for that. It's like well't have time for that, it's like well we're going to find ourselves alone at our funeral.

Speaker 1: 51:48

You know what I'm saying? Not to be weird about it, but we're just going to miss out. I think on so much If we don't find a way to be creative, set some priorities, decide on the things that are really important. I know we talk about a lot of this in ISI. We have these pillars of transformation. One of them is relationships and so we focus on that, we make it an intentional thing and we have some accountability around that.

Speaker 2: 52:14

Wally, I'm not going to go off on a rant. I could, but I won't. But I will say and you said it much more eloquently than I'm going to but I think it's accurate to say we're not making the time to do the things that matter the most, and I think that we have to. Chris Freeman texted me and Hugh Morris the day before yesterday, spur of the moment you guys want to go eat Mexican tonight. We said yeah, took a shower, put on clothes, went there and ate Mexican.

Speaker 2: 52:44

We do that kind of stuff all the time and a lot of people are like I'm tired, I don't want to go. We had a blast. We sat there in that booth for a couple of hours and laughed and told stories. It last. We sit there in that booth for a couple of hours and laughed and told stories. It's hard, it takes effort, but the rewards are so great it's worth it. And so I just want to encourage those that are listening today next time you're tired, do it anyway, go do it. And the people that say kids listen. We took our kids with us and the kids would go play, right, and it's like I got to get them to bed early. They're not going to die. They can stay up another hour.

Speaker 2: 53:22

They're not, it is fine and let them go play and build the friendships. My dad never made any money in his whole life, but the relationships. I stood there when he died in 2006 and greeted people. The line was an hour and a half for six hours to see my mom and my brother and my sister and myself to say what my dad had meant to them, and they had to open up extra rooms at the funeral home, standing room only for my dad's funeral, because my dad took the time to enjoy people. He didn't have any money, but the relationships and I've seen that modeled my entire life how important it is for the relationships, and so, if you don't get anything out of this episode at all Outside of, take the time, do the reps investing people. The dividends that will be paid will be astronomical.

Speaker 2: 54:21

The other thing is really effective communication. You need to talk and when there's troubled times or there's areas in your relationships, listen. I can't tell you how many conversations I've had that started like this hey Alan, hey this, hey Alan, hey Chris, hey Hugh, I want to talk to you about something that's not going to be fun, but I got to get it off my chest and we clear the air Anytime there's a burr under your saddle. It's just going to create a blister and you're just going to. It's going to be worse, it's going to be harder the more you procrastinate. The longer you wait, the more difficult it is. And I'm just telling you, man, get that stuff out in the open. If you've got a situation with a friend, you've got to get it out in the open.

Speaker 2: 55:05

Effective communication. A couple other things. I know we're getting a little long on the interview today, I mean on this episode, but yeah, I think it's an important episode. The other thing is you did it earlier to me and I can't tell you how much it meant to me is show appreciation and you showed appreciation to me for some things earlier in the episode. And it's so touching when people take the time, we do affirmations at the live events and we stand up and affirm one another in areas that you have affected them or impacted them over the course of the year, and there's something special that happens, so powerful yeah.

Speaker 2: 55:42

It's just something. In that moment you're like man. You took the time to thank me for making an impact in your life. A friend of mine passed away recently and about an hour before we recorded this episode he called me and I just took the time to talk to him for a minute and he got emotional. And I didn't know what he was getting emotional about. I thought it was just he was missing his dad, which had been my friend for 40 plus years, and he said I want to thank you for being my dad's friend. He said the impact that you've had on my dad, you and Robin have had on my dad, he said it's immeasurable and I wanted to take the time to thank you for that impact and it's meaningful. Something happened for he and I in that call that was meaningful.

Speaker 2: 56:33

So I always want to say show appreciation, couple other things. That I think is important and I've even done keynote speeches around this and I won't do that today. But let their story be their story. This is so hard. I even breached my own rule. Night before last at dinner A buddy of mine was telling me about something. Before he could even get through, I said yeah, I've got one of those and I love it also. Well, I didn't let him tell his story about his thing, right, I wanted him to know I had it also. I work really hard at trying not to do that, but every time we do that we negate their story. So I just want to encourage you you don't have to tell everybody you've been to the same vacation spot. When appropriate, you'll get your time to share that, but let them finish their story. Just let their story be their story.

Speaker 2: 57:29

Two other things I want to mention Contact people when you don't want anything. If you want to build a meaningful relationship, don't call them and say, hey, while I've got you on the phone, can I borrow your chainsaw? Right? So whatever you said prior to that means nothing now. But when you call somebody and say, wally, how are you and Sonia, how was your trip to Michigan? Did you enjoy seeing your son-in-law and your daughter, you know like, okay, that's great, I hang up. You're like, well, he cared.

Speaker 2: 57:58

But if I ask you, hey, while I got you, let me ask you about this podcast interview that we're going to do next week, you're like, well, that's why you called. It wasn't about my trip. So I just want to say call when you don't need anything. And then, finally, what I've found to be very effective, very helpful, is connect others before they ask you to connect them if it's mutually beneficial to the two people you're connecting, and then also always get permission from the people that you're connecting. Don't just connect me with a bunch of people that have no idea what you're connecting me about. I have no context. I have no context. It shows people that you care about their success and that you're making a concerted effort at connecting them with somebody that can further their goals. And so, wally, anything you can add to that.

Speaker 1: 58:46

No, man, I think you've said about it all. Those are really good traits to focus on, to have. I love that. Let their story be their story. Man, you said that for a number of years and it's it's made a difference for me, and so I appreciate that. Yeah, we we're going to. We were going to dive into some professional relationship stuff too. We're gonna have to postpone that for another episode, I think, because I want them, I want people to come back and listen and this one's gone pretty long. But I think a lot of the things that we've talked about maybe not spiritually, but just practically, some of the things we talked about in personal relationships, you know, absolutely applies to our professional relationships as well.

Speaker 2: 59:31

They really do. If you just overlay the personal side onto the professional side, you'll have the tools that you need to create those professional relationships. Just the same, Wally, I've had fun today, so we kind of wrap up this episode For the listeners. I hope you've really gained some valuable insight into kind of the heart of connection. That's what we've decided, that we wanted to call this kind of the heart of connection and how relationships matter most and it's really essential in the role of relationships and how it plays out in our lives and whether it's spiritual or personal or professional, if you'll take the time to nurture these connections, it's the key to living a fulfilled and balanced life.

Speaker 2: 1:00:13

And I want you to remember today also that building these relationships in the right order, kind of starting with the spiritual foundation I think it sets the stage for a stronger personal and professional bonds with the people that you deal with. And it's really about being that servant leader kind of prioritizing our family first and I always say family is first, and so keep it in that order and then ensuring that our professional endeavors don't come at the cost of these most cherished relationships, because it can. If you're not careful, you'll have that relationship capital expended on these professional relationships, and you do not want to do that. And I promise you, if you practice these principles, I can almost guarantee that you'll have an amazing relationship in every area of your life, so that you too can have that view from the top.