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View From The Top
A podcast for growth-minded Christian business men who desire momentum and accountability in their business, their family, their finances, their faith, and their personal wellness. Each week Big A and Wally share authentically from decades of business ownership, marriage, and raising a family. They take on listener questions and deep dive on FORGE episodes w/ tried and tested co-hosts. Subscribe and visit our website https://www.viewfromthetop.com/podcast
View From The Top
98. Your Marriage Affects Your Business More Than You Think
"Work to find the truth." Do you ever harbor bitterness or apathy toward your wife for not giving support in building your business? Is she often more afraid for the future when discussing business ventures?
Big A and Wally recount times in both their lives when their wives didn't want anything to do with the business–and how they got through those seasons. Big A confesses a frustrating disagreement with Robin that left him unable to focus on his business, while Wally explains how Sonia's last-minute stress before his travels affected his crucial client meetings.
We dig deep into how personal growth and faith journeys shape our experiences, highlighting the importance of acknowledging the unseen efforts of our spouses. Whether your partner is a homemaker or a career individual, their role is indispensable.
Key Takeaways:
- What happens when we don't prioritize our wife above our business
- Realistic conversations to have with your wife
- What your wife really wants from you when you're running a business
- The crucial role boundaries play for an entrepreneur's wife
Join us as we turn the tables and reveal how your marital strife may be the hidden culprit behind those off days at work. We underscore why cultivating a strong, supportive relationship at home could be the ultimate productivity hack for your business success.
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Connect with Big A and Wally:
View From The Top Website: https://www.viewfromthetop.com/
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Big A’s Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aaronwalkerviewfromthetop/
Wally’s Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevinwallenbeck/
Welcome to the View From the Top podcast, where we help growth-minded men who desire momentum in their business, their family and their finances get through the valleys and up the mountain to their very own view from the top. So, man, I'm so glad you're listening in again with us today. Hey, this episode, man, we are flipping the normal conversation about. You know, we normally talk about how business affects our marriage, but we're going to jump off the cliff and we're going to flip that around and go how might marriage be affecting our business? So, hang on tight, let's get Big A in the studio. Big A, welcome Wally. How's it going? Hey, man, it's going. It's going going well, coming off a hot summer and looking forward to fall for sure.
Speaker 2:I'm excited for this time of year School starts back and everybody gets back in a routine at church and in our business lives.
Speaker 2:And so, man, you and I both are very routine people and when you take us out of our routine, it seems like summer is vacations and traveling and people have kids at home. This disruption, and I'm ready to get back in a routine. Man, good to see you, yeah, same. Yeah, I'm pretty fired up about today's topic and I wanted to ask you a question. It's kind of a lead-in to what we're discussing. A few days ago, robin and I got into a little tiff and, yeah, 45 years of marriage, we still get into little tiffs, right, we still have them.
Speaker 2:I don't know if they ever go away. I asked my dad that question one time. He said you'll have to ask somebody who's been married longer than me if you ever stop. But here's the thing that I noticed, and you and I talked about it a little bit in pre-interview. But when Robin is upset at me, or I'm upset at her, or Brooke and Holly you know, either one of my daughters are upset at me, like I can't focus, like I'm embarrassed to admit that I'm a grown man. You know, 45 years in business, 45 years in marriage and even today when Robin and I've had some kind of disagreement and a couple of days ago we got into a little disagreement Wasn't terrible, but it was rocky enough- you know, and so.
Speaker 2:I walked out to the studio and I was setting up and trying to I didn't even know what I was doing Like I brought my calendar up and I'm like, okay, I couldn't get that off my mind, so I just set my coffee down. I walked back in the house and I said hey, Robin, she goes. What?
Speaker 1:I said is this round two? What's going?
Speaker 2:on and I said, robin, come here, let's, let's talk through this. And so we did and took about 30 minutes, but we came to a mutual agreement and I walked back out and I was able to focus on work. So that dramatically affects the way I do business, right, and I know we're talking about that today. What about you and Sonia, like, are you okay, can you compartmentalize that, or do you?
Speaker 1:have to deal with it. I'm similar. I'm similar. You know I carry that weight of that disagreement into work. I remember being younger, especially when we were both uh less mature, right, like like and and it just felt so heavy Uh, and you both carry uh disagreement and things a little differently in your personalities and things.
Speaker 1:And you know, I, for me, where I would get uh really bound up is that uh up is that Sonia's personality is more like it doesn't matter how much time she has to prepare for something. She doesn't react to it until moments before it happens. So I didn't travel a ton, but when it came to travel for me, she knew travel was coming for this long period of time and my personality is I prepare along the way. It's mentally right.
Speaker 1:Well, I'd go to leave, like literally have to be getting in the car, and it was like this whole thing and I'm supposed to go on this trip and like go, show up in front of a client and present something, and I'm like this is terrible. Show up in front of a client and present something and I'm like this is terrible, like it would just feel I'd walk away and get in the car and drive and just feel his heaviness. And you know, back then I didn't, I didn't, I didn't pray as often as I should and let God lead that and and and whatnot. But man, over time we figured that out, but that was my biggest like I, I, I had to leave, like I couldn't just go back inside. You know.
Speaker 2:Sure, but you carried it with you and often you know a phone call would solve it or whatever over time.
Speaker 1:But yeah, those were some tough days for sure. Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, we're just different people you know, and you're going to have these disagreements and things like that. And if you're listening today, we want to encourage you to think through how your marriage impacts your business, and a lot of you work from home today and you've got small kids around the house, and I'm convinced that our business and our marriage success is uniquely intertwined. Success is uniquely intertwined. I think that you can't really have one to be successful without the other, because the relationship capital you're going to spend to be successful professionally is going to be a huge cost. And so when I think through what's most important in our number one core values, relationships matter. Most is like how is that relationship impacting, and maybe positively or adversely affecting, our business? And I know that when Robin is in my corner, I can conquer the world.
Speaker 2:Like you know, we've owned a number of businesses and, quite honestly, some of those businesses that we own. She wasn't as excited about them as I was and I felt that pressure. But, like with Iron Sharpens, iron Mastermind, she knows there's transformational experiences going on in the lives of men all over the world and she couldn't be more excited and more interested and that really propels me to try harder. I know she's in my corner, she's praying for me, she's supportive and I'm like she gets it and so it's really cool to have a spouse that's supportive. So, if your spouse is not supportive of what you're doing and you're listening to us today, I wanna encourage you to block out some time to really pray through that, think through that, try to get on the same page.
Speaker 2:If you have to go to a counselor, robin and I Floyd Dawson's a guy that saved our marriage decades ago and, wally, I know you know Floyd as well and get somebody that can help get you on the same page because, man, there is nothing better than to have a spouse as your advocate for what you're doing and how it impacts and affects your life, your marriage and your business your life, your marriage and your business. Wally, when you think about your relationship. We need emotional support, we need a sense of stability. Take us behind the curtain with you and Sonia. What kind of conversations do you have that you can enlist that emotional support? And she has a sense of stability, or you feel a sense of stability out of that as well?
Speaker 1:Sure, so we're going to talk, I think. I think we have three things today, and the first one is that emotional support when it comes to, like, how our marriage affects our business. And so, as you're talking about like the number one thing, I think it is the number one thing that the emotional support and stability that we have within our marriage, how that affects our business. So I have some non-glamorous examples to share. Yeah, so that and I don't know like how many guys are listening to this now going okay, that's me, I feel that way. I know I've talked to a number of guys and there's definitely seasons of life where guys can feel this way, and so this is what it was.
Speaker 1:There was a lot of years in the business where I did not feel supported. It was, you know, the business was always a problem and I'm not saying there are good reasons or bad reasons, right, I didn't, I didn't work, I worked out of my house, out of the garage. So that created some, some challenges because I was always available, right, it was just a couple doors away, kind of a thing. So I worked a lot in the evenings, even though we were in proximity to each other, say in the living room and she's watching a TV show and and I'm working on my computer. So a quick tip here's a pro tip for all the guys listening out there.
Speaker 1:If you, I don't know, this is me. I cannot like. I just really cannot have the TV on and be working and be productive at the same time on my computer. Even if it's not something I'm not interested in, it's very distracting for me. So here I sit for hours and hours and hours with my wife while she's watching TV. I'm continually distracted, but I have my computer out so I may get like a half an hour of productive work done in a two-hour sitting period in front of the TV. And I know I wasn't very productive, but what does my wife think? She thinks I just worked for two hours.
Speaker 2:Right, you'd have been better off coming in a half hour later.
Speaker 1:Exactly, I'd have been better off, I probably got more productivity done in 30 minutes away from that come in and just be next to her and be present, right when I'm present, and come in and just be next to her and be present right when I'm present.
Speaker 2:What do you think? Hold on, before you go any further. What were you saying to her by sitting there, her watching some movie, and you got your laptop open. How was that impacting your marriage from an emotional standpoint? I don't know Bad. I can tell you she's not excited to watch the movie by herself, right, yeah, I can see that.
Speaker 1:Yeah for sure. Yeah, I'm not saying all these things were like. I'm talking about these things that happened and not feeling emotionally supported. I'm not saying that I played a part in that, 100% for sure I'm just not going to let you off here.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, I'm not expecting you to.
Speaker 1:By any means. I'm not blaming that on her at all. I just know a number of guys where that's especially as you're building the business. You know that's a struggle. I think the pro tip in there was to separate the two Work when you're working and be present when you're present. I didn't do that well. But working and be present when you're when you're present, I didn't do that well. But I remember times in building my business, even toward the end, and I've told my wife this. So this isn't, this isn't something I'll feel like I can, that I that I shouldn't share.
Speaker 1:There was a moment actually so built a business for 18 years and that particular one, and then at the sale, like the enemy, tempted me in ways that I had not ever been tempted before, and one of those was the thought because I'm a sinful human being, so the thought passed my head of like I did all this work, I worked so hard for all of this and I deserve this. And, if my memory served me well, it felt like felt is the word. It wasn't reality. It felt like thinking back about my wife and building the business over those 18 years. There was more struggle than there was support, and so I was like I had this. It didn't take very long, and I had guys around me that were encouraging me and they knew I was. You know some of the other thoughts I was having as well, and so God washed those away pretty quick, but the thought was there. What I did discover is that you know how some guys have you ever been to an event I don't know if I've heard you say this directly this way, but you've alluded to it in other conversations I've heard guys get up on stage and say and I know you believe this about Robin. But guys are going to say, man, you know, they're usually older, no-transcript another day but went through this season of depression. And man, I will tell you what depression. And man, I will tell you what Sonia was a rock star Like.
Speaker 1:If it wasn't for her, I would not be sitting on this call today, this podcast, with you. It would not have happened. God used her in a mighty way in my life during that season and I've said to her before I said I think he saved it all. Like for that, because that was the most of all. This other stuff could have been important, but you know you chalk that up to immaturity and learning and season of life and just a journey of faith and growing. And then you get to this pivotal moment where it's like this is a make or break deal and man like I would not be here in the same way today at all if it hadn't been for Sign Out. So that support and stability that we're talking about as like the number one thing about how our marriage affects our business, 100% agree that it can be very important. My question to you would be someone's listening today and they're like man, I'm not feeling that, I'm not sensing that, I'm not getting that. What would you say?
Speaker 2:Yeah, wally, I want to go back just a little more in your scenario and remind you that Sonia wasn't working on the computer, building websites and interacting with the company and doing sales, but she was chasing three little curtain climbers around.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she was preparing meals and maintaining your household and taking children to ball games and cheerleading practice and volleyball practice and washing clothes and praying for you, and so there was a lot going on in the background at which I've had to come to that realization as well as you have. I've had similar thoughts early on in our career. We had a little bit of success early on and I was feeling the sense of pride Look what I've done. And discreetly, robin would say you didn't do that by yourself. And I'm like, no, you're right. And so we have to remind ourselves of that because we all have different roles.
Speaker 1:I think the importance of bringing this up today this is something I find I'm learning this actually through some training I'm taking recently is that so often we don't want to say the things that you and I just said, because we know it's, we know it was wrong. It feels like it definitely feels weak. Right, right, Right. And yeah, we don't want to, we absolutely don't want to offend or bring pain or hurt to those that we love, especially later. But here's the thing they're real and at different times and different seasons, we all have those thoughts and emotions go through our head, struggling with them.
Speaker 1:Right now, in isolation, you don't like being alone in your thoughts. The self-talk is like the worst place you can be, Because what you're telling yourself, you're listening to yourself, is not truth. Proverbs has a lot to say about what we think about our own selves, and so I think it's important to say the things. It doesn't mean that you believe it today. It doesn't mean that you can't work through it. It just means that writing it down so you can see it make it a reality. Say it out loud to someone that you trust, Like not, so they can agree with you. You don't want to go to that person, especially when you know it's wrong, right. It's okay to get that out and so you can move forward through it. Work to find truth.
Speaker 2:Wally, we can't forget either. You and I had unusual circumstances and we had marriages that our spouse stayed at home. 70% of the population today is dual income right.
Speaker 2:So there's a level of support that's got to go both ways and there's got to be a different level of respect for each spouse, because they're both tandemly pulling the load financially. Some people had stay-at-home spouses, other people had, you know, relationships that they were both working. They both had to chip in and do everything. So, yeah, we can't just look at this from hey, you need to thank your spouse that she was able to stay at home or he was able to stay at home. This carries a whole other level of emotional support both ways, and so we can't forget that as we kind of talk through this. I think one of the major reasons that we need this emotional support and stability is that we need a clear mind to really navigate business challenges.
Speaker 2:And if you've got strife with your spouse, quite honestly it just clouds your judgment. It just does. It doesn't free up the space that you need to make good decisions. And so that's the reason I said at the opening of this episode that I can't focus in when something's wrong between Robin and I or Brooke and Holly, either one of my daughters. I have to go and resolve that.
Speaker 2:So my encouragement to all of you today is don't allow that strife to continue, because then you're going to become apathetic with the relationship, and right on the heels of apathy comes, you know, the disillusion of the marriage. And so I just want to encourage you today to not allow things to cause that level of strife in your marriage. And I think when your marriage is stable, it really leads to greater personal stability, and that can only translate to better decision making at work, and that can only translate to better decision-making at work, and so there's so many benefits in having this level of emotional support and stability. So, wally, do you feel that there was a time for you that you were harboring a sense of, maybe bitterness, maybe it was reaching kind of apathy? Did you ever get to that point before you resolved some of these things?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean for sure.
Speaker 1:There were times when that happened and you know, some of the byproduct of that, as I look back, was there were conversations with colleagues and people that I worked with that got edgy right, whether it was just the fact that I was frustrated over here so I brought that frustration in there, or there were times where I don't know if I ever crossed the line, but I know I walked up to the fence a couple of times in terms of, like, having conversations not so much with someone the opposite sex but even another guy, that that was more about just gossip and complaining about my wife and it was actually like constructively going to be able to help me.
Speaker 1:And so you bring that into the workplace. What does that do to culture, right? Well, like it's not that no one has problems, it's just. It's just like there's got to be appropriate space, you know, for that in the in the right way, and that's not it. And so when that happened, those thoughts of you know bitterness would linger longer than they should, or lack of phallic appreciation, or just not being supported. Man, that temptation came and and sometimes, you know, I rely on the strength of God and sometimes I rely on my own strength, and that didn't, you know, produce a good result.
Speaker 2:Wally, you said something just now that I hadn't intended on discussing today, but it's a part of this and I think it will be beneficial. Obviously, you and I have been participants in Iron Sharpens, iron Mastermind for more than a decade, so it was very beneficial. But if you're not in that type of arrangement, for me personally this is I was trying to figure this out the other day. I think I'm getting close right at 30 years Every Monday morning. For 30 years I've gone to three other guys. There were seven guys in the first group and then there were three guys I meet with now Every Monday morning. For 30 years I've gone to three other guys. There were seven guys in the first group and then there were three guys I meet with now. We've been meeting almost 20 years.
Speaker 2:It's an accountability group. That's awesome that we ask each other these questions. It's like how are you and Robin doing? It's the first question. Every single week it's the first question how are you and Robin? And we do that? Around the table there's four of us Chris Freeman, hugh Morris, randy Butler and we've been meeting for 20 years asking those questions and invariably the reason we ask that question first is because the answer to that spills over into everything that I do and that they do, and they want to be sure that Robin and I are okay, and we ask very deep questions around that relationship and I'll be honest with you, I probably 50% of the time would have made a bad choice had I not had their guidance, these guys that have all been married 40 plus years also, and so they've gone through trials and they've had apathetic mindsets and they've done stupid things and said stupid things, and so we borrow each other's experiences, and so I just want to encourage you today to get an accountability group, get some guys that you trust implicitly that you're willing to go there and meet with them regularly and you can talk through these things.
Speaker 2:You know, I started thinking about Robin the other day, and Robin's not a business person at all. You know she's never worked in business. She's never been around business other than the businesses that we've owned. We tried to work together in the construction industry for about three months and I told her to do something one time and she said you're going to have to ask me differently than that and I was like are you kidding me? She goes no, I don't work for you. I'm like no, you're right, you're not working for me anymore because we're not doing this anymore, but Robin's not a busybody, she is an amazing sounding board and your spouse can offer a sixth sense that we don't have. And they're amazing. Robin can detect something that I never saw right. And so, man, it's good to have that bond, that relationship, that you can go and just say, hey, what do you see here, what am I missing? How can you help me maybe work through this? Their insights and their perspective is really invaluable when you include them. Well, hey, let's switch gears for a second Second thing we wanted to talk about was time, commitment and priority.
Speaker 2:So, as you said earlier, there's three things. We're talking about emotional support and stability. We're going to talk about time, commitment and priority a little bit now. Now I'm just going to tell you you're going to have to do most of the talking because I have failed so miserably at not building the right boundaries. Because I love to work and you know, wally, I'm a light switch guy, I'm all in, I'm going to go for broke, there's no dimmer on me, right and so I'm either not doing it at all or I'm in it more, and so, man, I have struggled with this so much over the course of our marriage, appropriating the right boundaries to spend. I'm getting better at it now as I'm getting older. I'm getting better at it now. But how have you built the parameters to know the amount of time that's appropriate to where your marriage is in harmony? It doesn't impact your business negatively.
Speaker 1:How do you deal with that? Wow, that's a loaded question. Maybe we should have had a guest on here that had this one figured out.
Speaker 1:Oh, you don't have it figured out either, no, no, and I'll have it all figured out. I got lots of experience with it and I'll lead with that. How about that? So again, you know, I'm thinking back holistically, not just about it's easy to get on here sometimes in this podcast and talk about the present, where things are at, and they look a lot different today than they did 20 years ago. And 40, you know, for me I guess 40 would be, I'd be 10. So of course that looked different. But 20 years ago I've been married, 31. Now you've been married. What? 43 years now something like that 45.
Speaker 1:45 next year.
Speaker 2:Yeah, wow, that's amazing. This year we're in our 45th.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. You know so a lot. Hopefully, a lot of sanctification happens over that time period and when you think about the idea of the question that we're trying to solve for is, how does your marriage affect your business? And when you think about idea of time commitment and priority, I think that goes, as you've talked about other things, it goes hand in hand in terms of like, especially as the owner of a business you're building a business or if you're in a leadership role that has extra demands on you. There is only so much time there is. There's 24 hours a day. Everybody gets the same amount. That's it Right. And so, depending on how you prioritize and how other people are prioritizing for you, that has a big effect on what's available for other things. And I know that now, as I look back, I prioritize differently today than I did before. I was talking to a guy a couple of weeks ago and he's got.
Speaker 1:We actually went down to Florida actually for Abby's, your granddaughter, and actually who's my niece which is just so weird to say sometimes wedding and while we were down there we took some extra time. We actually went over to Jacksonville and met with, we stayed real close to another ISI guy and so we got to go to their house on Wednesday afternoon. We went over to their house for dinner and they cooked dinner for us and we got to meet his wife and their three girls and we got to eat dinner and talk and joke around and play games afterward and then I invested the next day. I spent the next day with him. He's a real estate agent, so I spent the next day with him out about showing some houses and stuff and just got some really good conversations in. And then that next night we went to dinner just he and his wife and Sonia and I and his daughters. Well, I have three daughters. He has three daughters, but his three daughters are like 11, nine and seven.
Speaker 1:And he's right in the throes of it, right Of that time and priority what is what? And we're having this really good conversation about how it's easy for me today to say I'm in empty nester mode and so it's like, oh yeah, like you just prioritize it, right, it's just you just do it, that's just what you do. And the reality is when you're faced with having to get up and kids and moving them here and taking them there, and you're running a business and you've got your bride, like all those things are very it's very challenging, but there is a truth and he said this, he goes. There is a truth to making a priority, and it may shift at different times. I think it does, so there are going to be seasons, but here's the thing.
Speaker 1:This is what I would come back to for myself, looking over the history of my life and my relationship with my wife and building a business and how it affected the business.
Speaker 1:We've talked about this so many times, but it's just so true. Like we have so many things going on as business leaders, like all these people need all this stuff from us, whether it's, you know, managers that need things from us, and it doesn't matter if we own the business or we run the business or we have people that report to us and we have responsibility. We got customers and we have to report ourselves to somebody else, and whether that's we report to our customer or we report to, you know, the CEO or whatever. Whatever it is like there's this we have all these things and there's home and we know we have this big responsibility there and that we know biblically what we're called to do, and yet we feel a conflict. We've had multiple podcasts around balance, so what does that even mean? Is it even a thing? And I think one thing we've always come back to is communication.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And there are going to be seasons where it really gets out of whack is when we don't communicate, if we hold it in ourselves and we just do the thing and we're not creating, we're not prioritizing the relationship within our marriage to be able to foster success in our business, and if we don't have that prioritization of communication especially, it's going to suffer. It's going to. There's just no way. It's not. And you know, suffer doesn't mean that you don't have a lot of money in the bank. You have that experience where it's like the suffering wasn't actually on the business side. Right, you found success that whole pocket full of money to a house full of strangers and so you prioritized incorrectly, right Time commitment, lack of communication and when you finally got that resolved, then it's not that you didn't have the money and you didn't have the family Like it started to. You started to be. You know, your marriage started to support your business.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm glad you said something about, uh, kind of prioritizing and then putting the communication around it, because you and I, if we're listened to by younger entrepreneurs just starting their business. When you said I'm kind of figuring it out as I get older and let's just be completely honest about that You've got more resources. Now your kids are out of the house, your major responsibilities are behind you. You've got more resources now your kids are out of the house, your major responsibilities are behind you. You've got more time freedom. Well, sure, it's easier now, but when those guys are in the grind and they're like, hey, I don't have any resources, all I've got is my sweat equity I can put into this thing, and I don't have a house that's paid for and I've got car notes and I've got college debt and those kind of things. We can't undo that, we can't eliminate that, but what we can encourage you to do is what Wally just said man, you've got to have an extraordinary amount of patience and communication in a regular time to sit down and talk through those things.
Speaker 2:And that's where I failed miserably, like I didn't come into Robin and go. I've got to do this and this is on me. I just kept all that to myself and I tried to deal with it. And Robin would want me to be Mr, friendly and daddy to the kids and sit down and let's watch a movie, and I got 7,000 things going on in my head and I did a horrible job. Don't do what I did and keep all that bottled up inside. Put the kids to bed, sit down with your spouse and go listen. Here's what I'm dealing with. These are the dates I'm gonna have to work a little extra. These are the nights we're gonna do date night. Lay it out where they can see it, that way they're not frustrated because you're not home at a certain time.
Speaker 2:I think the best thing that you can take from this is the communication piece that you already shared. It's like really really sit down and talk. You know, it's funny because I'm learning from myself as we teach things. Night before last, I sat down with Robin and I said listen, we've got a busy season coming up. I'm going to be on a mission trip and this month, these dates, I'm going to be at our mastermind meetup on these dates, you know, and she's like okay, okay, like she understands, she knows it's coming, she's accepted that, she's put it on her calendar. She knows it's coming. If I waited a week before, two weeks before, you know she'd be mad and we'd be into a fight about it. So yeah, man, the communication is really important.
Speaker 1:There's a piece to that too that I want to put out there, that I know that you do are learning because we've had multiple conversations around it. I'm still learning. Our wives are different, not just mine and yours, but all the guys listening. Everybody's got you know. Yes, there's groups of personalities and all that, but I'm just saying, like your wife may not 100 resonate with this, but I guess there's, for most of our wives is probably some element of it are as far as we communicate with our wives and we have these things to do and this is the demands on our time and this is where we're.
Speaker 1:It's not just a dictatorship in terms like this is what I'm doing and right there you bring them into your world and you mentioned it earlier often their insight. I've often changed things, even commitments. I've been, you know, not like, not like you know I've got to go do this speech kind of thing to change. I've committed to and whatnot. But I'm able to change things around. But the most important thing I've discovered with Sonia is she just wants to know what's coming next for her. That's so important for her to know all of these priorities you have. Going on, it's like not, how do I fit into that, like I'm a cog and I don't matter, more, more. But how do I show up mattering a lot to you and so I know for you robin doesn't want to play second fiddle.
Speaker 2:No for you and all the stuff you've got going on.
Speaker 1:I know you guys have like a nice time away vacation planned in september, sure, sure. And so, in the midst of all that she's got something to look forward, right, that you were going to make her a priority during that time the priority because you're going to shut your phone down, not going to pay attention, like right. So, yeah, so our wives, knowing that there's that they are, even with all the things we have going on, that they are a priority, that that's going to happen. There was a guy that's in our mastermind group that just took a sabbatical for he's on actually an upcoming we'll probably talk about it a little bit.
Speaker 1:He's on an upcoming Ford episode, ford Forge episode, brett Barnhart. He just took a month off recently and something that he committed to for his wife a year ago and imagine if he had not followed through on that. Like that became ugly, right, and he worked hard and it wasn't easy the whole time, right, but they communicated and I just think that's super, super key Communicate and make sure that she has something to look forward to. That shows her that she's a priority.
Speaker 2:You know, we can do these things and over time, we can avoid burnout and we also can avoid a divorce right, because we don't want either, and if we do it correctly, we can avoid both of those things. And I really think a healthy marriage needs to have these established boundaries that we talked about. Just clearly identify what they are for you and adhere to those. You can say anything you want, but your actions are speaking loudly, and so what is it that you're actually doing to communicate that they are important, they are worth the time commitment, they are a priority in your life and I think if we do these things, the majority of the time we're going to have a successful marriage.
Speaker 1:Last, thing Before you go on to the last thing. God honors that as well. Yeah, he does, right. Like you want to have success in business? Yeah, right, like, how is your marriage affecting your business? Well, I mean, god sets clear priorities for us in our relationships, right, god sets clear priorities for us in our relationships, and so it's very clear to me that that time and priority in our marriage directly affects our ability to be successful and find significance in our business as well.
Speaker 2:You know our last topic that we want to talk about. There's others, obviously, but we want to talk about reputation and relationships and kind of what is highlighted in my mind currently. One of my closest friends, alan Lindsay we've been friends for almost 50 years. His dad passed away and the funeral actually was yesterday and Robin and I had a really lengthy conversation around this. Robin was next door neighbors to Alan, my friend, when they were children, so she's literally known their family her entire life and we were talking about their reputation prior to the funeral.
Speaker 1:Like the family's reputation.
Speaker 2:The family's reputation, and Rudy was the one that passed away, 89 years old. He had four children, 23 grandchildren, had a successful career, but that wasn't what was highlighted at the funeral. It was a two-hour funeral, pretty long. A lot of people got up and spoke, but their reputation was that their love for each other was unconditional. 66-year marriage Wow. And they talked about how their marriage affected so many people, including ours.
Speaker 2:Faye Lindsey was Robin's mentor at being a young lady at our church.
Speaker 2:We all attend the same church together. We've been going there over 30 years and Robin was mentored by Faye Lindsey and she gave her all these cool ideas, things that she should do the Proverbs 31 wife. She taught Robin how to be that, how to meet the emotional needs, the physical needs, how to be the supportive wife, and so that's the reason that it's so important, because other people are watching us. We may not even be aware of it, but younger people, our peers, our colleagues, they're watching our marriages and they're gonna perceive something right, and so we need to be an example to our children, to our grandchildren, to our peers, other people that are close friends, and it's going to impact their lives, which directly influence your business relationships and opportunities that could come as a result of people really engaging with you. And so, wally, I know it's a little bit different thinking about our reputation and in our relationships, as the marriage impacts our business, but it's all intertwined. There's no way that we can separate these things.
Speaker 1:Let me as you're talking about this man, I got my mind going a million different directions and one of the things that's really landing with me is let's just take the word business out of it for a second. Let's make that a little more generic. Let's say that our reputation, our relationships, determine our opportunities. So our opportunities show up in work, and work is business. Work is ministry.
Speaker 1:So our ability to effectively minister to other people, whether that's our own children, whether that's our neighbors, whether that's the people that sit next to us in church, sit next to us in an instructional class, about whatever it is right, like our marriage reflects I mean, it's supposed to reflect Christ, and so, as it reflects Christ, that has to have right, whether it's a bad reflection, right.
Speaker 1:We're image bearers of Christ, so if we don't reflect his image back to other people, then that's not the image of Christ and that's not what is going to lead us down a path of finding success and opportunity, whether that's business or ministry. And something I've been convicted about the past couple of years is you know, recently, just only four years now I've had grandchildren and you're a little bit ahead of me. Only four years now I've had grandchildren and you're a little bit ahead of me and I've started to, as the grandkids started to come into our marriage, and how that reflects to our children, our daughters and our son-in-laws. I feel weird saying this, but one of my son-in-laws one time they'd been married at a little bit, a little bit, a couple of years maybe, um, he, he gave me a, a compliment that it's hard to believe you ever had those compliments before where?
Speaker 1:you're just like most of them most of them, you know right. And he said something like this. He said you know, I'm grateful for you as my daughter's name, her dad because you showed her your reflection of what, as a dad, of her father, of earthly father, as what God is her heavenly father and coming into marriage. That understanding and that reflection and how she understood that gave them such a headstart and I was just like, wow, okay, so they are watching and they're experiencing it.
Speaker 1:Sure they are, and it's one of the most humbling compliments I've ever received Top three to five for sure but also a huge motivator now that now I've got to like. I've got to like definitely be in tune with what the image of. God is and live that out.
Speaker 2:You've got that reputation you've got to support, and the thing is is we're building a reputation. We can either do it intentionally, but you're building a reputation regardless. And so these are just some things that I think we need to really think through and how our marriage impacts our business. But, to go a step further, impacts every area of your life, and I just want to tell you a stable marriage provides emotional support that enhances decision-making and business performance. No question about it.
Speaker 2:When you think through the impact that your marriage is having on your business, when you balance business demands with prioritizing your spouse, it's crucial to avoid burnout and maintain a healthy marriage, because if you don't, you're going to be a very unhappy camper and you possibly could find yourself in divorce court, and I know you don't want to do that.
Speaker 2:The state of your marriage can really influence how others perceive you and your business, and it really offers a positive home life that projects trust and respect, opening up doors to new opportunities. Now, I know that we don't do these things so that it opens opportunities, but we can't help but understand that it does, and so when you're thinking about how people are perceiving you as an individual in your marriage and how that's intertwined with your business. It is going to give you opportunities. Being open and honest about business finances and relationships with your spouse really ensures alignment and it reduces the strain in your life. Hopefully we've conveyed that to you today on this podcast and I really think if you practice these suggestions, you too can have a view from the top.
Speaker 1:Hey, as we finish out the episode today, again thank you for listening in. Remember to go to viewfromthetopcom slash community to join in in conversations ongoing, just like we had today, with other guys, other men, other brothers that are in alignment with a growth-minded mindset, that really strive for success and significance in the five pillars of their life. So we'll see you there and we'll see you next time.