Ever find yourself feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders, caught in the whirlwind of midlife challenges? Between aging parents, health concerns, the pressures of our careers and families, life can sometimes feel like a high-wire act. Join us as we shed light on our own journeys through these tumultuous times, offering a candid glimpse into the ups and downs that come with this stage in life. Our discussion aims to remind you that these struggles are a universal part of our human journey, and through them, we can build resilience, character and a better life!
Ever noticed how emotional stress can affect your physical health? Trust us, you're not alone. Echoing personal experiences, we delve into the profound impact emotional stress can have on our physical body and its state of health. Highlighting the importance of emotional intelligence in managing stress, we emphasize the necessity of acknowledging and expressing emotions in a healthy way. Finally, we wrap up with a message of hope and solidarity; reminding you that no matter how challenging life may get, there's always a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand. So tune in, and remember, we're all in this journey together.
_______________________________________________________________________________________ Feel free to contact us with any questions/comments you may have about this episode via email at Joe@thelovementors.com or Natalie@thelovementors.com.
Ever find yourself feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders, caught in the whirlwind of midlife challenges? Between aging parents, health concerns, the pressures of our careers and families, life can sometimes feel like a high-wire act. Join us as we shed light on our own journeys through these tumultuous times, offering a candid glimpse into the ups and downs that come with this stage in life. Our discussion aims to remind you that these struggles are a universal part of our human journey, and through them, we can build resilience, character and a better life!
Ever noticed how emotional stress can affect your physical health? Trust us, you're not alone. Echoing personal experiences, we delve into the profound impact emotional stress can have on our physical body and its state of health. Highlighting the importance of emotional intelligence in managing stress, we emphasize the necessity of acknowledging and expressing emotions in a healthy way. Finally, we wrap up with a message of hope and solidarity; reminding you that no matter how challenging life may get, there's always a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand. So tune in, and remember, we're all in this journey together.
_______________________________________________________________________________________ Feel free to contact us with any questions/comments you may have about this episode via email at Joe@thelovementors.com or Natalie@thelovementors.com.
And this is Nat and you're listening to the Getting Better With Age podcast to show that helps you navigate midlife challenges and turn them into opportunities to grow and evolve into a happier, healthier and more empowered you.
Speaker 1:
And remember, getting older doesn't mean that the best years have to be behind you. We believe, like a fine wine, you and your life can get better with age, and we're here to show you exactly how to do that.
Speaker 2:
So grab a glass of vino, kick off your shoes and join us in discovering how to make the next chapter of your life the best one yet.
Speaker 1:
Hello everyone, it's Joe.
Speaker 2:
And it's Nat. Welcome back to Getting Better With Age, hey Joe.
Speaker 1:
What up Wifi?
Speaker 2:
How's everything?
Speaker 1:
I'm doing pretty good. How are you doing?
Speaker 2:
Well, I think life's been kicking me in the butt a little.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, why is that?
Speaker 2:
Well, a lot of things happen in Sometimes. You know when a lot of things happen all at once and it's like this divine storm and you just get overwhelmed and you don't know where to go and you're full of emotion and you just need something to just stop.
Speaker 1:
A beach chair and Turks and Caicos and a nice fruity drink, that will do the trick.
Speaker 2:
That would be it.
Speaker 1:
But sometimes you just can't do that.
Speaker 2:
But that's not happening right now, so this is why we're talking about this on our podcast.
Speaker 1:
Yes, because, again, for those of you who are listening and and tune into this, is we want to be real because there's so many individuals who put themselves out there and kind of portray the picture of who they want you to see them as. And we just want to be real because we understand we're all on that journey and I've always resonated with individuals who are real, who talk about the good, the bad, the ugly, who talk about their shit, because we all have good stuff, we all have bad stuff, but I believe it's the challenging stuff that ultimately builds our character, that builds our strength, that builds our courage, that builds our moral, moral turpitude, as they said in the movie I don't know what movie that was a movie that came from.
Speaker 2:
I never heard.
Speaker 1:
But if you're listening to that, you know what that movie, where that movie, came from. Please reach out and let me know. But it's all about becoming better versions of who we really are and sometimes we need these divine storms, we need these wake up calls. So let's just talk about what you've been experiencing and kind of you know. To be truthful, I've been experiencing it as well, because when you're in a marriage or in a relationship, what your partner goes through, you tend to go through an experience, but sometimes it's not as emotionally devastating, I guess, or draining as it is for you, as it is for the other person. So what's going on?
Speaker 2:
All right. So everyone who's been listening knows the story about Joe's mother falling at our son's graduation right.
Speaker 1:
Yes, I don't know. There's a pattern here. You fell last year, broke your arms, my mother fell, broke her foot and now the other family.
Speaker 2:
Well, exactly Almost exactly one month after Joe's mother fell, my father fell.
Speaker 1:
We got a family of weevils.
Speaker 2:
The joys of dealing with elderly parents, but we did an episode on that. Go back and listen. So yeah, so he fell twice, but he didn't tell me until I've had to find out from my aunt. Anyway, long story short, he's going through stuff and he's x-rays and he's cat scan and it's just a whole big thing and it's not over yet. So you know that, you know, coupled with just stuff I'm dealing with, you know, here, like you know, working on our business and the kids and and your health.
Speaker 2:
Well, yeah, I was getting to that. Okay, you know, yeah, no, my health I mean for the most part, thank goodness, my health is good, but now I'm having some hip problems and I can't go to PT because I used all my visits when I broke my arms and my shoulder surgery and so I got away till January and you know, then there were ants in the kitchen because you know it's summer and that happens.
Speaker 1:
Right, oh my God. And of all the problems that she just mentioned, the ants were the worst. Like she grew horns in a tail like, oh, I'm fucking ants, I'm like. And Natalie never curses.
Speaker 2:
Well, yesterday I was making my morning smoothie and and I saw one, and I went to spray with the, with the white vinegar spray, and as I was doing that, I knocked over my entire blender full of smoothie.
Speaker 1:
And I'm upstairs. I was like what happened?
Speaker 2:
But anyway, and you know some of it may seem trivial, but when there's one thing, little thing, on top of another thing and on top of another thing, and, and you know now dealing with my dad, and you know I'm back and forth helping him and now we have to worry about what he's going to eat and you know how he's going to get around and go into the doctors, and I'm not complaining that I have to do. I'm fortunate that I have the ability to be flexible with my life, with Joe's, you know, with our lives, so we could be there for him. But again, you're adding one thing on top of another and top of another, and yesterday I just broke.
Speaker 1:
And yes, she broke. And where does Natalie go when she breaks To my husband?
Speaker 2:
To hubby.
Speaker 1:
That's our job, right? So those of you who are in relationships, you know, if your husband, like when you go down, like he's got to pick up the slack, he's got to be there. That's when we get to be our knight in shining armor.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and literally I broke and I sat here and I cried and I just let it all out and yeah, and you know, for those of you who are, who are in relationships, or maybe you're not in relationships yet here's a lesson that I learned because, guys, we want to be fixers, right, so we want to fix it, and if you're going to pass, I'll be well, okay, what's the problem? You can do this. You can do that Big mistake, okay. Your job is to listen, to not say a word, just be there and to just love honor.
Speaker 1:
And if you can do that, in that moment you'll know exactly what you need. Because what I've learned is trying to fix it and then I'm not listening because they're in the emotional place Usually gets you more frustrated. So there's a little tip and a little extra bonus from this episode for those of you who are in a relationship, or maybe you're not in a relationship yet, but when you do get in a relationship and you're in that emotional place and you're breaking down, just tell them shut up, don't try and fix me, don't give me advice, just be there for me, just love on me.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, definitely. Because, again, listen, we all go through it and you know the things I'm dealing with. It may seem trivial to some people because they're dealing with so much more, but when you're kind of in it and you know, your life is your life and nothing is perfect. And when you're going through something, you are allowed to be upset, you're allowed to be overwhelmed, you're allowed to cry about it. It's okay, don't feel guilty, because your stuff isn't as bad as someone else's. And that's one thing that was ingrained. Well, the opposite was ingrained in me from my mother because she would, if I was upset about something or something was going on, she would always say, well, there's always somebody worse than you and you know they're starving kids in Africa, you know, and it created all this guilt for me, when I was upset about things, I'm like, oh well, this person's dying of cancer and I'm not, so I can't be upset with my life.
Speaker 1:
And I really think that's important because, again, I think our parents do the best they could with what they have. No-transcript. When you invalidate what a person is feeling, I think it's the worst thing because it basically sends the message what you think and how you feel doesn't matter. And I think our parents meanwhile, because that's the logical part. Well, you know, and yes, we can look at it logically, yes, there are people who are worse off, there are starving kids in Africa, there's all this other stuff, but in that moment, it's like I don't give a fuck, it's like I feel bad, I'm upset, I'm overwhelmed, I'm stressed. Whatever you may be experiencing that moment, and if you're listening to this, if you get there, first and foremost, honor your feelings, like you know and I think Natalie has learned over time to come and say hey, you know what?
Speaker 2:
I'm not in a good place, and I think that was hard for you in the beginning right To come and admit that Because, right, because then I was, you know, I would admit that I shouldn't be feeling so upset because there are people with worse problems than me, right? That's literally what it was.
Speaker 1:
Right, and I think we have feelings because we're meant to honor them, we're meant to process them and I think when we do that in a healthy way and sometimes it's not easy to do on your own that's why you need support, you need someone to bounce things off of whether it's a husband, a best friend, a family member, whoever it may be that's when you can then process, feel those emotions and then also they'll pass and you'll get through them much quicker. But I think not honoring, not feeling those feelings, not processing them, it's just kind of like stuffing them under the mats, sweeping it under the mat.
Speaker 1:
It was like pushing a beach ball under the water and it just takes a tremendous amount of effort to keep it there. But eventually, sooner or later, it's gonna come to the surface. It's gonna smack you in the face.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, the shit's gonna hit the fan because you're gonna. It's gonna manifest in so many different ways. It can manifest in rage and you blowing up at somebody that you love and hurting their feelings. It can manifest as something physical back pain, you know, illnesses, I mean, when you're really stuffing things down and not letting them out. That will manifest physically, mentally, emotionally, lots of ways, and that's not healthy.
Speaker 1:
I'm laughing because I go back to my childhood.
Speaker 1:
You know my mom. My mom is like you could crash the car, you could burn down the house. It's okay, it's only a house, it's only a car. As long as you're okay, we'll get through this, we'll fix it. And she was the most in those moments. She was like super mom. But if it was a holiday and she was having company, I could leave a dish in the sink. She's like you inconsiderate bastard. What the fuck's wrong with you? Don't you see what I'm trying to do? And I'd be like I don't get it, like I could crash the car. I literally I crashed the car and that wasn't a problem. But I could put a dish in a sink.
Speaker 1:
You left the dish in the sink I mean, it's not like I left it on the floor, I put it in the sink. But because she had just cleaned the sink and she was so overwhelmed and so stressed about everything else that she completely lost it. And looking back now, I had no clue then. But looking back now, seeing it through a different lens, she was just so overwhelmed and she was in a divine storm where she had all these things on her shoulders trying to get through it and the stress she must've been feeling and that one dish was like the tipping tower that just set her off the edge. And I know some of you are laughing because you've done the same thing.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I mean, there's always that straw that breaks the camel's back right, and usually that's the time when it's like Don't come near me, don't? You know, stay away. And you know that. I mean, that's happened, yeah.
Speaker 1:
I mean, you know, I mean our kids literally did an intervention on me and you know, again, we're gonna be real transparent and honest because I was in such a stressful place, is going through a really tough time and I just was always on edge. I was always uptight, you know. I was on their ass over everything and they would literally come and say stay away from daddy's an asshole today. And the one thing I've always told my kids is look, you have permission. Like I know I'm not perfect. I don't want to be one of those parents just because I say and I also want to show them you know to be human and to own your shit. And I said so if, if you can tell me if I'm being an asshole, you can tell me.
Speaker 1:
So Natalie came to me. She's like, you know, the boys want to talk to you and man, did they just unload? And you want to talk about a shit sandwich and I had to sit there and I had to eat it, all of it, and I had to look at it and and take responsibility for how I wasn't processing my emotions in a healthy way. And you know, for those of you who have husbands or any relationship, or if you're male listening to this. We're not taught as men To feel our emotions, to process them right, because we're talking about shut up, don't be a wuss, big boys Don't cry, you know.
Speaker 1:
But what I've learned is big boys don't cry, but men do. Yeah, and it's so important to honor and process I don't give a shit who you are and the more you can do that, the more you can be Emotionally healthy and have something that is our friend Jenelle says, emotional intelligence, and that's really what I think happened yesterday. It's like, hey, I'm not in a good place, I'm not gonna problem dealing with this and processing. I need someone to vent to, to get it off, to feel it all, to be in a safe space, and then we'll deal with it. It's funny, like this morning You're like a completely different person.
Speaker 2:
I know it's, it's, you know, that's the thing. It's, like I said before, it's letting it out because it's not weighing on you, and that's the thing when it's weighing on you and you can't Feel, like you don't know where to go or what to do and you're just so overwhelmed and full of emotion. It's, it's draining and I literally feel like it's weighing me down, like I was so tired Yesterday right in the afternoon.
Speaker 2:
I was like I wanted to just go to sleep, like it just drained you, and but again, I let it out I, I Got a restful sleep and I woke up this morning a new person.
Speaker 1:
And I think it's so important because, as you know, I spent 20 years in the healthcare field, being a chiropractor, and I can honestly say with 100% certainty that a lot of chronic Physical diseases are the result of unmanifested and unresolved and unhealed emotional stress in a person's life. And so I know my dad passed from cancer and I am 1000% certain that a lot of his cancer came from the stress that he constantly put himself into. And because he never learned you know he was from the old school is you know? His parents and his sister were born in Italy. They came here. They weren't taught how to deal with their emotions. It's like just suck it up, go do what you need to be a man, you know his dad died.
Speaker 1:
I think he was nine years old and he's like you know, he's like just had to suck it up. He had to go out and his family was very poor. He had to go out and sign, shine shoes to help, you know, give money to the family. So just imagine the stress that he was under from that age and just being in a stage and energetic stage of survival. And you know, it's one of the reasons, again, why we want to share this is because you might think, oh, it's stress and everybody's, and that's cool If it's a little while, like you're having a day you have in a week, a month, even a couple months. But if you carry that stress with you is Going to cause physiological changes within your body. And I am one hundred.
Speaker 1:
There's a great book I think is by Louise hey. I think it's called you can heal your life. And if you go back to the Appendix in the back of the book, it actually correlates different physical diseases With the emotional states that are associated with it, which is pretty fascinating. So I just wanted to share that.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, no, just think about it. I Anytime you've had like really bad back pain for me I know there's always something going on, something stressful right Some, and then, once everything calmed down, no more back pain.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, it's funny I had again. I always have my stories. You know I have stories. I had a patient who was with me for years and she'd come in every Monday get an adjustment. She'll feel great for a couple days and then next Monday She'd be back. This went on for years. Her and her husband Semi-retired. They moved down to Florida. Within a month moving to Florida, her back pain disappeared.
Speaker 2:
Oh yeah. Well, what about you when you were going through all that stuff with your? I didn't know him then, but I know the story. You were going through all the stuff with your ex and you end up in the emergency room with your back.
Speaker 1:
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:
The EMTs are making funny because you're a chiropractor.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, you know, I think we shared that on another podcast. So who haven't is? I was going through a tremendous amount of stress with my ex and just dealing with all of that and I was in the shower and literally squeegee the glass shower door and I got like halfway down and all of a sudden, like somebody took a knife and stuck it in my back. I couldn't get out. I screamed and I think I was a tough guy, but in that moment I wasn't. I wasn't tough at all and I called a friend to come over. He couldn't even get me on his Adjustment table and I was like, and I'm like, call the, call the paramedics, like get me out of here.
Speaker 1:
Like I need drugs, like at that point I didn't take in an aspirin in years but I'm like I don't give a shit. I'm in so much pain and they want to give me demoral, but it was all, absolutely all the stress I was under and so I. That's why I can sympathize with people who go through that. But that's, you know, we need to shine the light and understand it. If you've got physical Challenges going on in their chronic check in and look at you know the stress that you are Are under, have been under.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and Don't always. Also, here's the thing that's important. It because you know when you're stressed, right, but sometimes you don't feel stressed, but you're just overwhelmed. There's like a lot going on and you don't know where to turn, where to go, and sometimes that Also drains you and and you know we'll cause at these physical ailments. So it's, it's. You don't always have to feel frazzled.
Speaker 1:
It doesn't have to be this Yesterday.
Speaker 2:
I wasn't frazzled. Frazzled, I was just overwhelmed and emotional. So there's a difference, but it still acts the same way in your body and your mind.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, because it's all energy, right? So if you break it down into its simplest components, there's high vibrational energy and low vibrational energy, right? So you know, like we've all had those moments where you know you're driving down the road and the music's blasting and you just, you're just in a great place, like the world could blow up around you and like I'm pretty good today, I don't give a shit. And then there's those moments where, like you said, it's just you're so on edge, you're so stressed out, you're so overwhelmed, whatever is going on for you, whereas somebody can say something, you see something, you hear something, and you just lose it, whether it's emotional, whether it's rage, whether it's anger. You know. You know we grew up in Northern New Jersey, right outside of New York City, and you know people here are very overwhelmed, very stressed, very on edge, very often angry.
Speaker 1:
You know people have this impression of you, know people from the New York area, and a lot of it is rightly deserved and people known to be very direct and can be assholes, and a lot of it is true because of the life people choose to live around here. But it's also important to understand that you know these people who are reacting they're not doing it intentionally, like I always used to take it personally, like why are you being an asshole to me? And I realized, like what's going on in that person's world? Like you know, I've learned this kind of seeing them through the eyes of the divine, seeing them through the eyes of love, and trying to understand and having some empathy. Am I good at it? No, hell. No, I'm working on it, getting better, but really understanding what's going on in that person's world, that they have to act that way, they have to speak that way. They have to do that Because 99.9 times out of 100, it has nothing to do with you. It's their shit and what they're dealing with.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and I think the biggest thing that we can take away from this is really just letting it out, like not stuffing it down, not, you know, ignoring it, not just letting it consume you, it's really letting it out. Talk to somebody, let you know whether, if you're not, you know obviously your husband, your boyfriend. If you're not in a relationship, you know parents, siblings, friends they're. And if there's nobody that you can confide in or feel comfortable with, you can always go talk to a therapist. I mean, it's not, it's okay. Or sometimes you just need to get it out like you know. Go for a run or do something you know strenuous, do something physical. Sometimes that helps, but it's really not. Don't ignore it.
Speaker 1:
Right, and that's really the key. So, as we wrap it up, you know, for those of you who are listening to this, you may be experiencing this it may be overwhelmed, it may be stress, it may be anxiety, frustration, something with your kids something with work, whatever it may be right.
Speaker 1:
Just acknowledge that First of all, most like shine the light. It's like, hey, you know what I'm feeling, this, and then decide how you want to process and deal with those emotions. Do you want to, you know, because you can journal and just to get them out. Or do you want to go to talk to? I think talking to someone like you really know, like and trust, that you know isn't going to judge, that's going to be there, who truly loves you, I think is the best thing Because it's like you know I'm safe to talk about my vulnerabilities, my feelings, and just doing that. Very often it's like so glad I got that off my shoulders.
Speaker 1:
And so there's people in your life I don't care, and sometimes you may not know who those people are. It might be people around you, but you haven't opened up and given them that opportunity yet. But you know, just invite them out, hey, you know, can we go out to lunch or go grab a drink, and you know, and just share your truth with them and just speak from your heart and just like when somebody will do that to you, right, you're going to want to be there, you're going to want to support them and love on them. Well, most people want to do the same for you and we promise you, if you do that, you're going to feel much better and you're going to get through it much quicker.
Speaker 2:
And that's really the game. Someone who truly loves you and cares about you is not going to judge you, so don't be afraid of the judgment, because they're going to be there for you, no matter what.
Speaker 1:
Well, I hope that we're going to have podcasts that just don't revolve around someone we love falls your stress. We're going to have some good.
Speaker 2:
We'll do happy ones.
Speaker 1:
Okay.
Speaker 2:
We need some happy ones.
Speaker 1:
I'm just making. I don't want to make sure that there's not a pattern here that we start seeing.
Speaker 2:
Let us know.
Speaker 1:
But yeah, absolutely so. We're just having fun with this because that's one of the ways we deal with it.
Speaker 2:
Seriously, if you have a subject that you would love for us to talk about something you're dealing with, something good, bad, doesn't matter, like we'll be happy to address it. You know you can always reach out to us. We always have our information in the podcast description so you can reach out to us anyway. Get social media email. We're always around.
Speaker 1:
We want you to know you are not alone.
Speaker 2:
Not just with us.
Speaker 1:
There's a bigger loving, supporting universe, with spiritual guides and deceased loved ones and all those other energies who are here to support and love you on your journey.
Speaker 2:
We got lots of people around us.
Speaker 1:
That's it, anything else before we wrap it up.
Speaker 2:
No, that's it Never great week. Thank you for listening. We love you all.
Speaker 1:
All right, and just lastly, before we go if you know someone who's going through some stuff and just can resonate with them, do them a favor.