Reigniting the Spark: The Secret to Keeping a Relationship Healthy and Strong

Remember the early days of your relationship? Those butterflies in the stomach, the thrill of every date night, the spark that glowed bright. Well, we're here to tell you that the flame doesn't have to die! 

In our latest episode, we  share our insights on how to keep that spark alive, drawing from personal experiences. From our magical night seeing  a Billy Joel concert in NYC to the sheer joy of a simple poke bowl, we explore how date nights – regardless of their grandeur or simplicity – are at the core of nurturing relationships.

Explore with us, the foundations of a strong relationship and the secret recipe to making it vibrant with each passing day. We'll take you through the importance of showing gratitude to your partner and making an effort to do something special – just like you did when you first fell in love. 

Got no partner? No worries! We also delve into the concept of dating yourself, because happiness starts from within. Let us help you navigate through the challenges of maintaining a relationship or finding joy in your own company. With nuggets of wisdom inspired by Tony Robbins, this episode is all you need to reignite that spark in your relationship or within yourself!

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Feel free to contact us with any questions/comments you may have about this episode via email at Joe@thelovementors.com or Natalie@thelovementors.com.

You can also send us a DM and follow us on Instagram @the.lovementors or reach out in our Facebook Group - Manifesting Love in Midlife. We can also be found on YouTube - @JoeandNat.

We always love to hear from you! Be Blessed!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

This is Joe.

Speaker 2: 0:03

And this is Nat and you're listening to the Getting Better With Age podcast to show that helps you navigate midlife challenges and turn them into opportunities to grow and evolve into a happier, healthier and more empowered you.

Speaker 1: 0:15

And remember, getting older doesn't mean that the best years have to be behind you. We believe, like a fine wine, you and your life can get better with age, and we're here to show you exactly how to do that.

Speaker 2: 0:26

So grab a glass of vino, kick off your shoes and join us in discovering how to make the next chapter of your life the best one yet. Hey everyone, it's Joe and it's Nat.

Speaker 1: 0:41

Welcome back to Getting Better With Age. We've got a good one for you today.

Speaker 2: 0:44

Of course we do. We always do. I sound like a little cocky, I don't know.

Speaker 1: 0:50

Would I be a fan of us. I'm just fine. But we're going to give you something, we're going to talk about something today that can pretty much guarantee the spark in your love life and your relationships will never go out, and I know that's a bold claim, but I think by the time you're done listening to this, it's going to be really, really helpful. So, whether you're currently in a marriage where you're kind of like us right, where you're taking care of your parents and your kids and yourself and your house and you've got so much on your plate, or maybe you're in a marriage where things are started to fall apart, you kind of take each other for granted.

Speaker 1: 1:31

You've lost that spark and you know you love each other, but that excitement, that passion that was there, the fun that was there in the beginning, is kind of wane. Or maybe you're not in a relationship and you have a history of relationships which start off great but then ultimately lose their passion. Or maybe you're divorced and you had a great, wonderful marriage in the beginning, but then life happened and you ultimately, as much as you loved each other in the beginning, you fell out of love, or at least one of you did so. Today we're going to talk about something that can pretty much guarantee that that doesn't happen and make sure that you have a happy, healthy, long, lasting, fun and enjoyable marriage or relationship.

Speaker 2: 2:10

Right and the truth is. Sometimes life gets in the way.

Speaker 1: 2:15

Did we prove it?

Speaker 2: 2:16

Yes, oh yes, we have, but it's so important to make sure that whatever that is that gets in the way does not get in the way of your relationship.

Speaker 1: 2:27

Right and I think that's important is that you know to understand that, no matter who you are, things are going to happen when you're in a relationship that are going to cause challenges, and I think if you understand that and you know that and you embrace that, you can use those challenges ultimately as a chance to get better, and that's one of the things we're going to share today is why it's important. So how this episode started is last night, natalie and I had a date night.

Speaker 2: 2:54

We had a date night.

Speaker 1: 2:56

Right, what'd we do?

Speaker 2: 2:57

Oh, this was a good one. So we went to see Billy Joel at Madison Square Garden.

Speaker 1: 3:01

Yes, you know, for those of you who know me or who may not know me, I'm a music buff. I love music of all types and Natalie, for Mother's Day, right now, I'm one of those guys I listen, right, because you know you pretty much has whatever she needs and right, there's really she doesn't need more gold or jewelry or anything, thing like that, and she doesn't really, you know, not a big fan of flowers. So it's like what do you get the person that you've been with forever? And so I like to listen, and she'll drop hints along the way, not consciously, but just things like oh, I'd really like to see Billy Joel. And so it's like, you know, I made a Conscious effort to get her Billy Joel tickets from other's day and the concert was last night, yeah, and we went and we had a great time and he's sound great, he's so good.

Speaker 2: 3:43

We saw him like 20 something years ago when he was touring without one John yeah, that was before me.

Speaker 1: 3:56

But you know, if you never had a chance, he is one of those individuals who just sounds here. I think there's certain individuals, certain bands. They're known for a song and when you hear them sing that song, it like brings chills to your spot. Oh yeah like he's obviously known for piano man, he's got many, many so many songs.

Speaker 2: 4:14

But you know, when he sings piano, man, and like the he just the whole place just sings and he's not singing, the band's not playing, it's just everybody is singing and it is just Amazing right and in that moment Nobody's got stress Problems.

Speaker 1: 4:36

Everybody is just in the moment Experiencing joy in their hearts. And it was, it was a beautiful. So I think you know it's like Billy Joel with piano man journey with don't stop believe, yeah, spring sing with born to run you know, kiss with you know rock and roll all night. I mean there's, there's so many bands and groups and artists out there who had that one signature song and when you hear it it literally brings chills to your spine.

Speaker 2: 4:59

So anyway, we digress Right you know to talk about.

Speaker 1: 5:04

You know the importance of date night because we're married now 22 years right, it'll be 22 years in November, right?

Speaker 2: 5:10

So?

Speaker 1: 5:11

22 years, been together for 24, and One of the things that we've learned in our journey and this I learned from Tony Robbins is that if every couple Kept doing what they did when they first fell in love, they would never be another divorce. And if you really think about that right when, when you first fall in love, you're excited, you want to see each other, you want to spend time to each other, you go out of your way for each other. You're not taking each other for granted. You're communicating, you're having fun, you're doing things that light you up, you're going on vacation, you're making love on the pool table like you're doing all these fun things.

Speaker 2: 5:45

We don't have a pool table right?

Speaker 1: 5:49

Well, there's other places.

Speaker 2: 5:52

That's a that's.

Speaker 1: 5:54

But you know to talk about right doing those things that you do in the beginning and I think when you're in a marriage or in a relationship you get. You get to a point where you get comfortable.

Speaker 2: 6:05

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 6:06

And I think being comfortable is the kiss of death for relationships.

Speaker 2: 6:10

Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 6:11

Because if you're comfortable, you're going to stop growing, and I've seen so many of clients that we work with had wonderful marriages but one person started growing and the other didn't, and ultimately the person that's growing and evolving starts resenting the person who isn't. And I think in our relationship, one of the things that makes it strong is that we've both been committed to growing and evolving and loving and supporting each other on that. But doing this thing that we're talking about, which is taking a date night, which is taking time out of your normal life and schedule to prioritize and we shared in the last couple episodes there's a lot on our plate right now, like as soon as we're done with this.

Speaker 1: 6:50

Natalie's running off to be in the rehab center with her dad and I've got to take care of some other stuff, and this is kind of just how it's been the last couple of weeks.

Speaker 2: 6:58

Yeah, we actually just the other night, last Friday night, we had another date night and it was just simple, like we actually together went to see my dad in the rehab and then we just went for a poke bowl. Like it doesn't have to be some extravagant, big, huge romantic thing where you're going to New York City, to the on the water. It could be simple. It's a matter of being with each other and even, to simplify it even more, like there are nights when all the kids go out and we just sit the two of us and have dinner together with nobody else around. We'll go sit outside, you know, on the patio, and just enjoy each other's company. Like it doesn't have to be anything big and extravagant. It's being together, enjoying each other's company and communicating about whatever.

Speaker 1: 7:54

Right. But it's important to take that time where you are getting outside of your normal routine, you're saying, hey, you know what, we're prioritizing our relationship. I use it like planning seeds, like your relationship is like a seedling and you want to plant it in the right soil, you want to give it the right nourishment, but you don't just do that and then walk away.

Speaker 2: 8:14

Right.

Speaker 1: 8:14

Right. If you don't continue to nourish it, give it the proper sunlight, the proper water, the proper environment, altly that seedling isn't going to produce a wonderful tree. But if you do continue to nourish it correctly, then it's going to grow and have solid roots and it's going to be strong. And it's going to be so strong it can withstand pretty much any natural force in the universe. And I think that's the way we try to look at our relationship and that's the way, hopefully, in this episode, you'll be able to look at it as well and see how important it is to nourish that relationship. And again, as you said, it doesn't have to be this big laboratory, it doesn't have to be a concert in New York City with Billy Joel.

Speaker 2: 8:56

No no.

Speaker 1: 8:57

It could be literally hey, you know what? Let's go here, what are we doing tonight? A lot of times we'll say to each other hey, what about having a date night tomorrow? Because it's so important, like it's been ingrained in our consciousness, because we have three kids and they demand a lot of time and energy.

Speaker 2: 9:17

Even as teenagers. Yeah, doesn't change.

Speaker 1: 9:22

No, yeah, I think as long as they're under your roof, they're going to take time and energy, which that's what we sign up for as parents.

Speaker 2: 9:29

And we love that Right. Like Joe, just last weekend painted our son's room.

Speaker 1: 9:35

Well, for those of you who have college kids, who are OK, I want to get my room done and they procrastinate the whole summer and school starts next week, what are we going to do? Our room is like I've been waiting the whole summer, but I guess we're doing it this weekend.

Speaker 2: 9:46

So, again, we think Point is, things can get in the way Right, and that's the point is that you have to take time.

Speaker 1: 9:52

Even with all of that, we found the time and the energy to make each other a priority. And that's really what a date night is. You have to continue to do those things that you were doing in the beginning. And if you continue to nourish it, just like with that seed, and you just keep watering it and nourishing, it's going to be fine, it's going to be strong, you're going to be OK.

Speaker 1: 10:14

And because it's in those moments where you can have those deep connections, because one of the things I've seen with a lot of working with a lot of our clients who are now divorced is that they didn't take the time to really connect regularly and have those conversations. And it's usually because both people are so caught up in being the spouse or the partner that they need to be that they took each other for granted and they stopped nourishing the relationship. Or, as I said earlier, one wanted to do it but the other was so caught up in their stuff and in their stress, in their life, in their careers or providing for the family that they just didn't make it a priority and they kind of took it for granted. And I think that's the biggest thing that can destroy a relationship is when you take your partner for granted.

Speaker 2: 10:59

Yeah, definitely, and I think one thing that's important to know is you know, growing up we always heard things like you know, marriage is 50-50, right, you both have to put in the effort, but that yeah no, that's a big lie, because marriage is 100 and 100. Each person in that relationship must put in 100% of themselves in order for that relationship to succeed. Because if somebody's only putting in 75%, well you know what? That 25% is gonna become a problem.

Speaker 1: 11:30

And I love that you shared that, because what I know to be true is that you give 100% of what you have, because in the relationship in life it's hard to give 100% all the time, like if you're taking care of your dad and your aunt and the kids. Your 100% might not be 100% of mine in that moment, and so that's where, as a partner, I have to pick up the slack, pick up the slack, absolutely and vice versa.

Speaker 1: 11:56

So you know, I think a relationship is where everybody's giving 100% of what they have to each other and the relationship. But that doesn't mean you have to put your needs, your desires, your responsibilities on the back burner, and a lot of times in a relationship you're gonna go through stuff.

Speaker 2: 12:14

Right, and I remember, I don't remember where it was. I actually recently just saw something about this and it was about I don't even remember where it was. You might only have 75%, like Joe said, and that you know that your partner has to pick up that 25% for you, like you know, to keep it going, and you have to, and that's what it means to be 100% committed to each other. If each one of you is 100% committed to each other, you're gonna know to pick up that percentage that your partner does not have at that moment, yeah, and you're gonna say, okay, you can only give 75%.

Speaker 1: 12:51

Well, I've got to give that extra 20%.

Speaker 2: 12:52

So I've got to get 125% right now, and that's what's really important, because you don't want to. You know, for instance, like when I was dealing with the stuff with my dad the past couple of weeks, it was a lot and I was running back and forth. The rehab is a half hour for me, so it wasn't like around the corner, so I'm back and forth and you know. But Joe picked up that slack for me, like whatever needs to be, like you know, dinner one night, you know whatever, like he knew that that's where I needed to be, so he was able to. He didn't get mad at me because I wasn't there to make dinner or do whatever I had to do. He knew that's where I had to be, so he picked up that slack for me.

Speaker 1: 13:28

Right. And, again, that's why we go back to the importance of date night and communication. Because, as you're doing all this stuff and you're connecting with each other and you're cementing that bond you have, when those times come up, it's not like even a question, like you don't even have to have a conversation, like hey, you know what, I'm down and I can't give my all, so can you step up? It's like you're just there, you're in the moment You're loving each other. It's like Okay, I see you got some stuff going on. How can I be there to love and support you? And it's not just for you, it's for me and our relationship.

Speaker 1: 14:01

So you know, there's always that what was that episode of friends with like? Was it Joey who said there's no such thing?

Speaker 2: 14:07

as an unselfish act. No, self such thing as an unselfish act.

Speaker 1: 14:11

Yes, and it's true If you really think about it. Yes, I'm being there to love and support you, but I'm doing that for me. Yeah, right, yes, I'm doing it for you because I love you, but ultimately, in doing that, that benefits me.

Speaker 2: 14:23

Which benefits us Right.

Speaker 1: 14:25

Exactly, and that's what we're talking about. So you know, if you're in a relationship and it's like, well, I don't even want to go on a date with this guy, well, you got to look at that.

Speaker 2: 14:33

Okay, why? What's the problem?

Speaker 1: 14:35

And sometimes again, people fall out of love. Sometimes you do get to a point where in the relationship, where it's like too much water has gone under the bridge, there's no going back, too much damage has been done. So you know it's best for everybody to just cut ties and go forward. But sometimes in life where you know again going back to that seedling where it's starting to die and if you don't nourish it it is going to die, but it's still at the point where it can get its life back, and if you're currently in a relationship or marriage where again some of the zest has fallen out, just because of life, because of responsibilities, because maybe you're taking care of your parents health challenges, financials, whatever it may be and again date night doesn't mean you have to go do this big, extravagant thing.

Speaker 2: 15:24

It could be you can go for a pokeball. Sometimes we'll just go to Chick-fil-A.

Speaker 1: 15:27

I mean, it's like you know, and sometimes yeah, well, I know, but sometimes we do go for a nice dinner, Sometimes we will go to a concert, you know, but it doesn't always have to be that, you know because it's the priority of date night, and spending time together is more important than where you are what we do, so sometimes if we're just on the go and it's quick and easy, hey, let's go to Chick-fil-A or let's go to the mall or whatever it may be, let's just go for a walk, whatever it may be, let's go for pokeball and other times in advance like, okay, what do you want to do tomorrow? You know how, about a date night? And date night doesn't have to be this thing that you plan three weeks in no, no, it should be that day.

Speaker 1: 16:06

It's again like in the beginning, remember, when you're first dating, it's like, hey, what are you doing tomorrow night? Yeah, you know what are you doing Friday? All right, you want to get together. And it's literally like you continue to date each other. Now you may be listening to this going. You know, I'd love to have a date night, but I've got no one to go on a date with.

Speaker 1: 16:23

Right? Well, here's what you can do is date yourself. Okay, make a plan to do something where you can connect with yourself. Do what lights you up, do what brings you joy whether it's going to get your nails done, going for a massage, going for a walk, going for a height, going to the beach and putting on your favorite tunes, whatever it may be, because when you connect with yourself and you love yourself, that actually makes you more attractive to a man who's looking for someone special to share his life.

Speaker 1: 16:56

You know, I was going through this recently with a client and she's dating this guy and he came in. He's very meaty and like in the beginning he was like well, confident, but then, like after like two months, all of a sudden she's just like it's really a turn off because he's not doing things for himself where he's feeling good and connecting and feeling secure about who he is and where he is in his life. And you know I said this, I think on all the podcasts is that you're going to be in a relationship, you have to be a good cake.

Speaker 1: 17:30

Your partner is simply the icing. But if your cake isn't good and it's not well done, or you don't have the right ingredients in it, even if you put the icing on, it's still going to taste like crap. And it's important to go into a relationship where both people say you know, I think it's really good.

Speaker 2: 17:47

But you know what Something's missing? That's the icing, that's the partner, and going on a date is like the icing where it just takes that experience, that relationship, to a different level.

Speaker 2: 17:59

Yeah, and you know, even throughout the relationship, when you're not having date nights, it's of course important to nurture that relationship every day. You know, show gratitude to the person you're with, you know, go out of your way to do something little for them. You know, like Joel, you know if he's in the kitchen he'll empty the dishwasher. And that sounds silly, but like that makes me feel good because I know he's not taking me for granted and expecting me to empty the dishwasher. You know I'll put out the garbage one night, you know, if he's. You know. So you help each other out, you do things like that. Just show each other that you care.

Speaker 1: 18:33

And that's really the context of a date night is that you're important to me and I want to be able to connect and spend time with you in this crazy thing called life. Because if you don't and we always get back to energy, right, that's the energy of what you're putting out. Hey, I love you, you're important to me, I want to spend time with you. This relationship is important. I don't want to take you for granted, so we need to keep nourishing it, and so when you put that kind of energy into a relationship and you're with the right partner, you're going to get it back.

Speaker 1: 19:02

Now I've also seen where you put that kind of energy into someone who's not as committed, who has ulterior motives, who's completely selfish, where it's all about them, and you're like well, joe Natalie said, you know, go on a date night, I'm trying to go on a date night, and you know what? I sit there and they're on their phone, or they're so distracted, or they're talking about work, or they're talking about themselves. Well, that's where you have to look at, you know, is that really the right relationship point?

Speaker 2: 19:27

Right, and that's what I said before about each of you being 100% each being 100% committed to the relationship, because if you're going on a date night and, like Joe said, the person sitting there on their phone and not interested in anything, you have to say that's not being 100% committed.

Speaker 1: 19:44

Yeah, and I think you know we'll wrap it up with this, but the one thing I've learned is that you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who's just as committed to the to you in the relationship as you work to them and if they're not, then you really want to look at that and get real with yourself, because I've seen so many individuals who say you know what I should have left years earlier and they look back with regrets.

Speaker 1: 20:08

And I, you know, I don't think any of us ever want to get to the end of our road and have any kind of regrets.

Speaker 2: 20:13

No.

Speaker 1: 20:14

You know there is somebody out there who will love, honor and respect you and he is 100% committed to you.

Speaker 2: 20:20

When they feel that, you are the right person and if you're in a marriage now and you feel like things are kind of on a downturn, there are things you can do to, you know, bring that spark back, have a date night, have a day night, all right Anything else before we wrap it up? No, that's it All.

Speaker 1: 20:37

Right Now, if this resonates with you or you have someone that you know they may be going through a rough patch in their relationship or their marriage and you feel this will be beneficial to them.

Speaker 2: 20:45

Can you do us a favor? Just share it with them.

Speaker 1: 20:46

Yes, and so we want people to understand that you know, life doesn't, we don't have to get to this midpoint where things have to go downhill and we just say, well, that's just the way it is, it's common. There's a difference between what's normal and what's common and we want to say it's not normal to have unhappy, unhealthy relationships that basically grow apart, where people get comfortable and don't really truly enjoy and experience everything that heart desires and you know, if you ever have any questions about this episode or comments, this episode or any episode you know, feel free to reach out.

Speaker 2: 21:20

You can always get our information at the bottom of the show notes. We're always here for you.

Speaker 1: 21:25

Sounds good. All right, we love and appreciate it. We'll see you next week.

Speaker 2: 21:28

Bye.