Unleashing Your True Self: A Conversation on Freedom From Fear and Rejection

Ever held yourself back because you were afraid of how others might perceive you? Ever kept your joy bottled up because you feared judgement? This is the unspoken reality many of us live with every day. In this heart-to-heart conversation, we uncover the truth about our fear of judgement and how it often holds us back from being our authentic selves. We expose the societal and parental paradigms that have us living life on autopilot and share personal experiences that highlight these scenarios.

We delve into the role our ego plays in disconnecting us from our true selves. We talk  about living authentically, the importance about being present, and how our emotional  triggers can lead us to foster inauthentic stories and beliefs. 

We reflect on the purity we have as infants when we arrive in this world full of love and innocence arrive  and how our Divine Light gets diminished as we grow and take on the indoctrination of our patents, religions and the world around us.

Lastly, we address the impact our fear of judgement has on our ability to make a difference in the world. There's a lot to learn and unlearn in this enlightening conversation. So, let's break free and dare to be the difference we wish to see in the world. Join us!

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Feel free to contact us with any questions/comments you may have about this episode via email at Joe@thelovementors.com or Natalie@thelovementors.com.

You can also send us a DM and follow us on Instagram @the.lovementors or reach out in our Facebook Group - Manifesting Love in Midlife. We can also be found on YouTube - @JoeandNat.

We always love to hear from you! Be Blessed!

Transcript

Joe Amoia: 0:02

This is Joe.

Natalie Amoia: 0:03

And this is Nat and you're listening to the Getting Better With Age podcast to show that helps you navigate midlife challenges and turn them into opportunities to grow and evolve into a happier, healthier and more empowered you.

Joe Amoia: 0:15

And remember, getting older doesn't mean that the best years have to be behind you. We believe, like a fine wine, you and your life can get better with age, and we're here to show you exactly how to do that.

Natalie Amoia: 0:26

So grab a glass of vino, kick off your shoes and join us in discovering how to make the next chapter of your life the best one yet.

Joe Amoia: 0:36

Hello everyone, it's Joe.

Natalie Amoia: 0:38

And it's Nat. Welcome back to this week's episode of Getting Better With Age. How you doing, Joe.

Joe Amoia: 0:43

I'm getting better with age, Wifey. How about you?

Natalie Amoia: 0:45

I am too. I'm working really hard at it. That's why we're here 100%. So I want to tell you a quick story about something that just happened actually a half hour ago, joe doesn't even know this story.

Joe Amoia: 0:56

Maybe we shouldn't record this.

Natalie Amoia: 0:58

No, we could, Anyway. So I was driving to pick up my son at school. He had a half day today, so it's the middle of the day, beautiful, gorgeous day here in New Jersey, and I had the windows down, the radio on and I remember what song came on. But a song came on that I wanted to sing.

Joe Amoia: 1:18

And we all know you love to sing.

Natalie Amoia: 1:19

Yes, we've talked about that. So we're ever in the car right and you're driving and songs on and you're singing and dancing and all of a sudden you look at the person next to you and they're looking at you like you're nuts and you're like, oh crap, I was caught.

Natalie Amoia: 1:35

So anyway, as I'm driving, I wanted to, just because windows are open too. So I just wanted to sing. And then I thought about that scenario. I'm like what if somebody sees me or hears me? And then I didn't, I just talked to myself. But then, as I was driving, I'm like you know, I just want to be that person that can keep the windows rolled down and that can sing really loud and have the people in the cars next to you saying that's how I want to be. I don't want to be afraid to sing. I want to be like that woman who's having fun and singing in her car and enjoying life. You know what I mean.

Joe Amoia: 2:13

I get it.

Natalie Amoia: 2:15

So that's kind of what I wanted to talk about. We wanted to talk about today is really just breaking free from those walls that are protecting you from being who you truly are, because I believe in my heart that I am that person that's going to sing really loud at the top of my lungs with the windows rolled down and you're looking at me like I'm strange.

Joe Amoia: 2:37

I'm just saying where are we going with this? I'm just amazed at the people listening, going all right, where are we going with this?

Natalie Amoia: 2:45

Like I said, how many times do you stop yourself from doing things because you are concerned about how you'll look, or how it'll look, or how people will perceive you?

Joe Amoia: 2:57

No, I told it again. I remember, probably about 20 years ago, I took something called the Landmark Forum and they talked about the fear of looking good, like we all have. Most of us have this fear of what other people are going to think or what are people going to say, or what other people are talking about or what are going to say behind our back. So we have this fear, really, of looking good, that we're not looking good and people are going to judge us or not like us, and it goes much deeper than that, but really at the surface level, that's what it is, and so it's a matter of understanding. Why do we do this? Because we talk about all the time on this show as human beings, like we're fucked up. Let's put it that way.

Natalie Amoia: 3:41

We make it much harder than it really is.

Joe Amoia: 3:44

We really create. Like I always say God's up there laughing going. Oh God, you people.

Natalie Amoia: 3:50

This is not what I had in mind.

Joe Amoia: 3:52

I gave you this wonderful gift, this wonderful opportunity to know who I created you to be, and you people are just royally fucking it up Like when are you going to get the message? But I think it's opportunities like that to catch yourself to see. Hey, wait a minute, that's called being conscious. I was listening to something yesterday that said like anywhere from one to three percent of the world is actually conscious.

Natalie Amoia: 4:21

That's it.

Joe Amoia: 4:22

That's it, wow.

Joe Amoia: 4:23

One to three percent of the world's population and if you really think about how many billions of people on this planet, yet only one to three percent are actually conscious, which means, if you're good at math, that anywhere from 97 to 99 percent of the world is on autopilot. It's, they're just robots unconsciously going through this thing called life due to their paradigms, due to their indoctrination, their religious, their parental, their societal beliefs, and just like they are. Like let's look at you. You were there, you were just being you. I was right, you were just being who God created you to be, and you were in that moment. You were in your joy. And then, all of a sudden, you looked, you saw that other person and boom, it stopped.

Natalie Amoia: 5:10

Yeah, it happens right.

Joe Amoia: 5:12

Yeah.

Natalie Amoia: 5:12

Scary.

Joe Amoia: 5:14

And I'm sure it looked, whether you you may not be a singer, but you may be in the supermarket and you see somebody and all of a sudden you see that person and you're worried about you may not look the way you want to look or what they're going to say, or and you'd go running the other way, right. Or something happens where you're out at the mall and somebody looks at you. When you see somebody and you just turn your head and put your head down. You know I go walking most mornings and you know I was going for a walk the other day and it's amazing, like when you go walk by people, some people just automatically put their heads down.

Natalie Amoia: 5:48

It's. I have to say that's such like an anxiety, anxiety provoking situation. It's like when do I put my head up?

Joe Amoia: 5:56

When do I smile? Do I have to?

Natalie Amoia: 5:58

get closer. Do I have to get a little? Oh my God.

Joe Amoia: 6:01

And it's like you know, and you know me, like I'd like to like at least look at someone and like nod or smile or something. And what I found is that very often it makes me uncomfortable because it's like look, I just want to be friendly, because I like being friendly, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable. And now I'm worried and concerned about what you're thinking or feeling, and so now I'm just going to put my head down and walk away and it's. You know, I was thinking that the other day was welcome, like how sad. It is right that, you know, we just can't look at each other and just nod or smile.

Joe Amoia: 6:33

And you know a lot of people do, so it's not like everybody.

Natalie Amoia: 6:35

Oh, my God yes.

Joe Amoia: 6:35

There's a lot of people Hi, how you doing, you know, and just very, very friendly, but it's just. You know, why is it that a lot of us are so concerned about what other people think?

Natalie Amoia: 6:46

Even this morning when I went for my walk, I had my Spotify and my headphones were on and you know good song came on and I just wanted to like like kind of dance to it. As I was walking in and sing and there was nobody around, like the neighborhood was very, very quiet, like nobody would have heard me, but yet I still was very hesitant.

Joe Amoia: 7:09

So why was that? So let's look at that. Why was it? What was going on in your head? Because you were disconnected from your heart, right?

Natalie Amoia: 7:16

Because your heart is.

Joe Amoia: 7:17

You just wanted to be you. You wanted to sing, you wanted to dance, you wanted to bop along, whatever it was, but something happened and boop, you shut down. So what was it?

Natalie Amoia: 7:27

It was fear of getting caught.

Joe Amoia: 7:31

Oh my God, the dance police are out the music. Please Excuse me, pull over miss license registration. Excuse me, were you actually singing? Oh, were you dancing up? Sorry getting the back. You know cover, take her away.

Natalie Amoia: 7:50

Yeah, so you see how absurd this sounds it really does when you talk about it and put it into perspective.

Joe Amoia: 7:56

It's so well, like I said, we're all fucked up, and you know, and I'm not here to say, you know, I'm any different. You know, because we all have that. What are they thinking? What are they saying? You know they're judging me and so we all have that fear of looking good. But where does it come from? Like we all have it right, most of us have it, oh yes.

Joe Amoia: 8:16

But why do we have it? Where does it come from and does it really serve us? I think that's that's really the question. Does it really serve us on our journey and who we want to be, and does that enhance our life? Right, because that's what we're talking about, about getting better with age, you know, does that enhance your life?

Natalie Amoia: 8:32

No, it doesn't and it doesn't serve us because it's holding us back. It's really holding us back from great things. Just, I sit here and I think of all the amazing things I could have accomplished up until now if I wasn't afraid, if I wasn't afraid to put my you know best foot forward and not worry about who's saying what and who's thinking what you know. And at this age now, at 54 years old, I thought I would be past that. No, I'm not and I probably never will be. But I know that I am tired of it and I want to do my best For the most part of my life and of my existence, to be somebody who just lives authentically and from my heart.

Joe Amoia: 9:18

But we have this conversation. This morning we were sitting out, you know, just kind of like going through, you know, because we do that pretty much every day, just checking it with each other. Things were working, things were working on, and you know where we're at, you know, with our stuff and you know, and it's just we were talking about how you just get in your head right and you get so disconnected from who you really are and just how it feels, so yucky. Like I told you this morning, I was like you know, I have those moments and like I'm just tired of those moments. Like I just, like you say, I just want to be me, I want to put myself out there. I don't know if I want to go dancing down and singing down the street, but you know, you know, right, well, maybe you know, never know but Like I just want to be who God created me to be and I want to shine my light to the world, to impact those that I can make a difference in their lives.

Natalie Amoia: 10:11

And you said something that I wanted to bring up, because you said about you know, when you're, when you are, I don't remember exactly said, but about living from your heart. When I'm singing, I'm moving from my heart, right? So just think about the times that you are just being you, you are singing and you're not even. There's not even a focus on anybody else or anything else. You're not thinking, right it's. You're not in your head, you're truly living from your heart. But then the minute something happens and you're like, oh crap, then you get in your head and you're totally like out of, out of where you were.

Joe Amoia: 10:45

Yeah, well, you know I always say when you're in your head you're dead. When you're in your heart, you're smart. Yeah, because when you're in your heart you are being your true, authentic self. You're not thinking, you are just being present.

Joe Amoia: 10:54

But when that trigger happens, right, something happens something, you see something, you hear something, you experience and boom, you're out of your heart, you're in your head and you're going down that road and your ego is taken over and it's creating all these stories, all this bullshit that we have taken on, that is so inauthentic.

Joe Amoia: 11:15

And then we live as if that bullshit is the truth. Yeah, it's like oh well, they're trying to, you know, and most of the time what I've learned is there are people so in their world they can give a shit whether you're, whether you're dancing or not, or if they are. They're so judgmental and so caught up in their egos and their bullshit that it's really not about you. You just become the mirror of what's going on for them, and I believe you know that those triggers that we experience are God's way of kind of waking us up, to say, hey, pay attention, you know you're in an energy that doesn't really serve you and it's not going to help you go forward and be who you really are. You're kind of disconnected from your, from your heart, from your heart, from your higher self.

Natalie Amoia: 12:00

Yeah, and you know, it just feels for me. It feels so good when I'm in that place of just being me. And like I remember one time, I don't know a few years back I was, I was making dinner, it was a Friday night and I was making dinner and I had a glass of wine and I was like just the music was on and I'm cooking and singing and dancing. And then this song came on that brought me back to my younger years and I texted my friend. I'm like, oh my God, look what I'm listening and what I'm listening to. And it just brought back memories and in that moment I felt so good and I was singing at the top of my lungs. And yes, a lot of this has to do around singing with me, that's OK, and I am not a singer. But the way it makes me feel the freedom, I feel the lightness, I feel like there's nothing on my shoulders, I don't care about anything else, it's that what I'm doing in that moment and that feels so good.

Joe Amoia: 13:03

Yeah, and why does it feel in that moment? Why does it feel so good yeah?

Natalie Amoia: 13:08

because I'm just being me, I'm truly living authentically from my heart, and there's nothing in my head that is changing that or my ego's not getting in the way. It's just pure love. Yeah and yeah.

Joe Amoia: 13:24

Yeah, and I think that's ultimately the goal is for us to get back to that place. You know, I say we kind of go on this journey, if you look at it right, because I think infants kind of come into this world as pure love, like they want nothing, just to love and express themselves and laugh and have fun, and they don't pull the shit we have no, not yet.

Joe Amoia: 13:42

Right, you know, basically they want to. You know, eat, play shit, right, Then you know, then they're, and they're cool, and when they're uncomfortable they'll let you know. Yeah, but then as they get older they start taking on stuff, yep, you know, and it's interesting as a parent, those of you who have children you probably look at. You know your kids have some of your shit.

Natalie Amoia: 14:08

Oh yeah.

Joe Amoia: 14:08

And you probably all had a moment where, somewhere, when they're younger, like, oh shit, they sound just like me and that's not a good thing. Right, and not that you consciously did this, because unconsciously that's they mirror what they see. And so we all, you know, as children, we then take this stuff on and if we're not conscious and we don't do the work, it becomes like luggage and first it becomes like a little handbag, then a little over the shoulder backpack, then it becomes, you know, a one piece set of luggage and a two piece set of luggage. So next thing, you know you have like the airport carousel of luggage that you're lugging around because you weren't conscious, you weren't aware to realize that that stuff you need to look at, you need to deal with. And you know when I always say you know there's a time in my life where you know I was very judgmental of people like, like, what the fuck's wrong with people Like you know, stop it.

Joe Amoia: 15:05

But then I learned about human behavior and that people are just trying to survive and they go into survival mode and they just do what they've learned to do to survive, to get through this thing called life. So if they're not doing something they should be doing or they're doing something that they shouldn't be doing is they're not doing it because they're fucked up or messed up. They just don't know any different. They don't know any better.

Joe Amoia: 15:31

And even if you come along and shine the light, some of those people are like you don't understand. This is how I protect myself, this is how I survive. So don't don't fuck with me, let let me be, because it literally is a matter of their ego survival. And I know, for me, you know, when doing my work, looking at that stuff, it's been very uncomfortable because the ego is like don't do it, dude, don't do it Like we're used to this. This is very familiar. It keeps us in the world, even though you don't like it, very familiar, very safe, it's very comfortable. So let's just hang out here. And that's the battle between your head and your heart, where you have to find that courage to face it, to deal with it, to overcome it and, ultimately, to let it go to be who you were created to be.

Natalie Amoia: 16:14

Yeah, it's, work.

Joe Amoia: 16:16

Yes, it doesn't come from, just from reading a book or watching a YouTube video?

Natalie Amoia: 16:18

No, it does not. It does not, and you know I'm working on myself, we're working on ourselves every single day, because you know what If you don't grow, you're dying.

Joe Amoia: 16:29

You're either growing or dying. If you look at anything in nature, it's in one of two states it's in the state of growth or state of death, because anything that is a hits a plateau that stops growing, Well, that's the beginning of the death phase. So someone you know, I remember when I was younger I was like, well, I just want to, you know, live life and get comfortable and be OK. You know, make money, take care of my family, have fun, have family, be healthy, all that and God goes. Yeah, right, you will never grow. You weren't created to be comfortable. So in life in nature, we are created to grow, and sometimes you got to experience adversity and shit in order to grow. But that's the purpose, and so that's why we need to go through that and see it as an opportunity to grow and be who we were created to be.

Natalie Amoia: 17:17

Yeah, and you know that is my commitment. I you know I've committed to that because, like I said at 54, years old. I thought I'd be a lot farther along than I am. But you know we say this all the time. We created this podcast to show that life doesn't end at a certain age, like there's still so much growing to do and living and so much else, and I don't want to be stifled by anybody or anything.

Joe Amoia: 17:43

Yeah, anymore and and if you're listening to this, that obviously resonates, that's why you keep listening is because you're at that stage where you're like you know what? I want to grow too. I want to be a better version of who I am. I don't want to drink the Kool-Aid that says. You know what my best years are behind me. I'm getting old, I have to be decrepit, I have to feel like shit. I have to put on a ton of weight and I can't take it off because it's just my age. My hormones are now. It's like it can be done, but what do I need to do? How do I make those changes? Where do I put my focus and energy so that I can be who I was created to be and ultimately, as I always say, get to the end with a smile on your face and a warm, full and grateful heart?

Natalie Amoia: 18:25

Right and this is something that's important and I just wanted to share this and you know, in closing, because this is something that always resonated with me and then I kind of forgot about it, but it's a quote by Marianne Williamson and it was actually in the movie. What was it?

Joe Amoia: 18:39

Akilah and me.

Natalie Amoia: 18:40

I love that movie Anyway, and I'm just, I just want to read it real quick because it really resonates with me and I hope it resonates with you. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves who am I to be? Brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous. Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. You're playing small doesn't serve the world.

Natalie Amoia: 19:15

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others and I love that. And as I'm reading it, I'm realizing and I've read this a million times I'm like wow. And about how she says there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. And I just said that to Joe this morning. I said I want to be who I am and I want to step in my power and be strong and help people and I'm like but then this new Natalie's coming out. What's everybody going to think Like?

Natalie Amoia: 20:13

oh my god this is Natalie Like this isn't Natalie, like right, I just said that and that's exactly. I don't want to shrink anymore to make other people feel good. I want to be the one to feel good because when I feel good and I am being who I want to be and I'm stepping in my power and being authentic and loving, and that's going to, that's going to emanate to other people and that's what I want. Like you know, it's going to automatically liberate others. As she says, like it's contagious Happiness is contagious.

Joe Amoia: 20:47

Yeah, and it brings to mind that quote by Gandhi you know, be the change you want to see in the world, and that's really it is. Who do you want to be? And I think we want to be models for our children, for others, because those are the people that I resonate with, the people who are shining their light, who are living for love, who are true examples of the divine creations that we created to be. And you know, when you get around those people and hopefully we can continue to be those people and shine our light even brighter, to help more people, because we all need light and love in our life- we absolutely do and I just love this.

Natalie Amoia: 21:21

I feel so good right now after this episode. Just it's really like reinforcing who I want to be. That really is, and I feel really good right now and that makes me happy and I hope that makes you happy and I hope you resonate with this too, and if you ever have any questions or comments or just to let us know what you think or if this does resonate with you or if we're making any kind of difference, just let us know. I mean, our information is always in the podcast description or emails where you can reach us, so just reach out.

Joe Amoia: 21:56

Yeah. And lastly, as always, you know one person that this resonates with or will resonate with, or you think it will resonate with. Just send it to him, say, hey, you know what? I was listening to this, I thought it might help you, and that's it. Just let it go. Whether they listen to it or not, that's on them. But know that you were shining your light, you were being the person that you want to be and you were making the difference. And that's all you can do is put that energy into the world. And when you put that into the world, it will come back to you. It might not come from that person, but it'll come back to you in a different way.

Natalie Amoia: 22:26

Absolutely. We are Joe and Nat. Thank you for another great week.

Joe Amoia: 22:30

We're signing off All right. Much love, be blessed.

Natalie Amoia: 22:32

Bye.