What if we told you love doesn't have an expiration date? What if we were to tell you that the love your heart creates is out there and there were things you could do which would take you closer to finding it?
Today's episode is a breath of fresh air for those single and over 50, debunking the belief that finding love in the later years is a near impossibility.
We navigate the landscape of dating for those in midlife, presenting inspiring love stories of those who found their soul mates after 50.
We also take a deep dive into the various types of single men you're likely to encounter, breaking down the stereotypes and offering tips on spotting men with commitment issues or who are not healthy relationship partners.
Get ready for an enlightening discussion in the second part of the episode where we emphasize the significance of finding the right partner for you.
You'll be learning about crucial steps and strategies to find love, following a framework that makes it easier to find the love you're looking for...at any age!
We firmly believe that the desire and faith in love is just a part of the equation - the real game changer is taking action.
If you're feeling unsure or don't know where to start, fear not. We're providing some valuable insights to help you pave your path towards love. And remember, for more resources, don't forget to check out our website, TheLoveMentors.com
_______________________________________________________________________________________ Feel free to contact us with any questions/comments you may have about this episode via email at Joe@thelovementors.com or Natalie@thelovementors.com.
What if we told you love doesn't have an expiration date? What if we were to tell you that the love your heart creates is out there and there were things you could do which would take you closer to finding it?
Today's episode is a breath of fresh air for those single and over 50, debunking the belief that finding love in the later years is a near impossibility.
We navigate the landscape of dating for those in midlife, presenting inspiring love stories of those who found their soul mates after 50.
We also take a deep dive into the various types of single men you're likely to encounter, breaking down the stereotypes and offering tips on spotting men with commitment issues or who are not healthy relationship partners.
Get ready for an enlightening discussion in the second part of the episode where we emphasize the significance of finding the right partner for you.
You'll be learning about crucial steps and strategies to find love, following a framework that makes it easier to find the love you're looking for...at any age!
We firmly believe that the desire and faith in love is just a part of the equation - the real game changer is taking action.
If you're feeling unsure or don't know where to start, fear not. We're providing some valuable insights to help you pave your path towards love. And remember, for more resources, don't forget to check out our website, TheLoveMentors.com
_______________________________________________________________________________________ Feel free to contact us with any questions/comments you may have about this episode via email at Joe@thelovementors.com or Natalie@thelovementors.com.
And this is Nat and you're listening to the Getting Better With Age podcast to show that helps you navigate midlife challenges and turn them into opportunities to grow and evolve into a happier, healthier and more empowered you.
Speaker 1:
And remember, getting older doesn't mean that the best years have to be behind you. We believe, like a fine wine, you and your life can get better with age, and we're here to show you exactly how to do that.
Speaker 2:
So grab a glass of vino, kick off your shoes and join us in discovering how to make the next chapter of your life the best one yet.
Speaker 1:
Hey everyone, it's Joe and it's Nat, and welcome back to another episode of Getting Better With Age.
Speaker 2:
What up, Wifey? Oh, nothing much. What's going on, Wifey?
Speaker 1:
Oh, it was a good one today.
Speaker 2:
Oh yeah, this is exciting.
Speaker 1:
Yes, today we're going to talk about is it possible to find love after 50?. Now I know some of you are going. Guys, really, do you know what I've been through Like? Do you know what online dating is like? Do you know what the guys are like out there? You know I can't even get a date, never mind me to quality guy. Or you know what I'm meeting guys but they pretend to be certain way and then you meet them and then you see them in person. Or you know, you date them a couple of weeks and they disappear or they reveal a completely different part of themselves, or they tell you they want a relationship and then three months later they're like you know what? I can't do this. So we're not here to say we don't get it, we don't understand. I think after this point we've kind of seen it all.
Speaker 2:
Oh, yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1:
But what we want you to understand is that it's kind of like the glass half empty or half full. Right, your reality is the glass half empty, like when it comes to men and dating, the glass is half empty. If we were in a court of law and you were an attorney, you have all the evidence to convict the men, your ex, and to present the facts that to a jury. That it's just not possible. You've done it all and we totally get that and we 100% understand that.
Speaker 1:
Maybe your reality, your experience up to now, what we hope to do in this episode is shine light on the part that's half full to talk about that it is possible, it can happen, and that there are things that you can do to put yourself in position to find the love that you believe we are created to have.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, absolutely, and I believe, we believe, that you can find love at any age anytime, anywhere. You know, love is limitless right.
Speaker 1:
Well, maybe not anywhere. Well, yeah, depends.
Speaker 2:
But anyway, the point is, love is limitless and it has no expiration date, Like it can happen anywhere anytime. You know, we recently just met a woman who's in her 80s and is dating and just met this fabulous guy that you know she loves, and things are going great.
Speaker 1:
So yeah, it happens, right. I can't tell you how many clients that we've worked with have come in and said no, you don't understand, it'll never happen. You know I want it but I don't believe it's true. And then you know a short time later they're like it's like it happened, like I can't believe it. It actually happened, yeah, and you know I'd love. What you say is because I truly believe that love has no limits or no expiration date. I remember during the pandemic there was this couple. I think they were in their 90s. They were in their 90s, they were in their late 80s. Now, this was a couple that in their late 80s or early 90s met during a pandemic, fell in love and got married. And if you don't believe me, you can go go to YouTube or Google this. It's out there. I'm not making this stuff up, but if that couple can find love in that stage of their life, why can't you?
Speaker 2:
Right, because you're probably saying oh, now I'm going to wait until I'm 90 to find love. Yeah, no, you don't, you could find it now.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and you know, one of my favorite phrases is that God can't do your push-ups for you. You know, to find love, there are things that you need to do that will help put you in position to find love. And I know you're saying, but but oh, I've been doing everything. I've been going online, I've been reading books. You know, you may have even worked with a matchmaker. And we're not saying that you haven't been trying things.
Speaker 1:
But just because you're trying things doesn't mean you're going to succeed. You know you can throw a bunch of things against the wall hoping something's going to stick, hoping something's going to work out, but if everything you're throwing against the wall is the wrong thing, it's not going to work out. So we totally get it. Yeah, no-transcript you're probably listening to this going but I've tried everything, I've done everything and I'm going to respectfully disagree. I think you've tried and done things with the best of intentions, but you didn't really understand that the things you were doing and the way you were doing them wasn't going to create the results that you're looking for.
Speaker 2:
Right, because there are things that you can do to dramatically increase your chances of finding love.
Speaker 1:
Right. And so, you know, that's kind of what we want to talk about today is, first of all, to understand that the glass may be half empty, but there's also a port that's half full, and so we want to shine the light on the part that's half full and saying okay, what do you need to do to put yourself in position to find that love? Because, again, you've got to do the work. You know, it amazes me. I had a conversation yesterday with the woman and she's like well, I believe, if it's meant to be, it'll happen. And I'm like well, why isn't it happened? Now, you know, is you've wanted this for 30 years and it hasn't happened.
Speaker 1:
Do you think the gods go? You know the divine, god universe, whatever's going? No, you know what. You got to wait 35 years before you can find it. I don't believe that's true. I think God universe going, you could have had it 20 years ago, but the things you were doing or not doing was why you weren't succeeding. And so I think it's important that you know, and I don't understand why, when it comes to love, it's pretty much the only area of her life. Well, if it's meant to be, it'll happen. Like we don't say that. Well, if I'm meant to graduate school, it'll happen. If I'm meant to have kids, it'll happen. If I meant to buy a house, it'll happen. Like there's no area of her life where we just sit on a rass and go. Well, if it's meant to be, it'll happen.
Speaker 2:
No, because nobody says I'm meant to win the lottery and never goes to buy a ticket Right and there are a lot of people who got to do something.
Speaker 1:
There hasn't been one lottery winner who hasn't wished to win the lottery, who hasn't bought a ticket, right, and I know there are a lot of people going oh, if I only won the lottery, yes. Well, if you don't, I can guarantee there's not many guarantees I can make in this world but if you don't buy a lottery ticket, you will never, ever, ever win the lottery. Other than death and taxes is probably the only other guarantee in life, right?
Speaker 1:
So you will never win the love lottery if you don't buy the ticket to learn how to do things the right way, right To put yourself in position to learn, and so the first thing we want you to start off is just find someone your age that is very similar to you in many ways and go well, if they found love, why can't I? Right? You need evidence because and it's interesting, if you understand how the human brain works as a part of our brains called the amygdala it's not like Google, it's kind of like a search engine, and whatever you program it with, it will find evidence to support what you believe, because the brain only can do so many things at a certain time. So it's like a priority in your brain. So it's like you focus on this and your brain find evidence of it. It's kind of like if you ever wanted to buy a new car.
Speaker 1:
There's a time in your life where you wanted to buy a new car and you saw that freaking car everywhere, right? And then you bought it and then, like three months later, you barely noticed it, right, because when you wanted to buy it, it now had a priority in your brain and your brain was on alert. There it is, there, it is there it is. It was still there three months later. Just your brain was like, oh, we already got it, who cares? Right? So it's the same thing with your brain. So if your brain is focused on guys lie, guys cheat, dating sucks. There's no good men out there. Better days are behind me. This is the way it is. Here's all my friends and colleagues who all say men suck. And I'm hanging out with them and they're reinforcing what your brain believes. Guess what's going to happen? Yeah, you're going to just find more of that and that's just the way it works. If you go into college going I'm stupid, I'm never going to graduate, well, you're probably not going to graduate.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
Right. But if you're like, hey, I can do anything, then you can do anything, but then you have to go out and do the work.
Speaker 2:
Right, and you just have to have that belief that it is going to happen.
Speaker 1:
Right.
Speaker 2:
Because without that, and go ahead.
Speaker 1:
I'm sorry. No, no Right, and I think that's part of it is that you know that, yeah, that belief is important. But one piece of the puzzle, oh, absolutely. Like I could sit here and believe I'm going to lose weight, but if I don't eat better and I don't exercise, I'm not going to lose weight. So you know that that is a piece of the puzzle but it's not an important piece.
Speaker 1:
Yes, yes, it is an important piece, or important piece because you do have to believe something, and that's kind of what we were starting with. Is that, you know, start focusing on finding evidence and if you don't believe it, now that's cool. If you're like, look, I have all this experience, all this evidence to say why it it's not going to happen. I've tried so hard, I got married. I put my heart and soul and I still got shit, we get it. But stop focusing on the part that's half empty. Focus on the part that's half full. Focus on the women who have been divorced and have found love again. Focus on the ones who have never been married and found love. Focus on the ones who didn't have confidence and have self-esteem, hated dating and now they're successfully in a relationship because they learned how to do the necessary work.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and even women who have lost their husbands and who thought they would never find another love like that and have oh and again, these are all these things that just drive me crazy.
Speaker 1:
It's like, well, I had the great love of my life and so he died when I was 50. So I'm just going to be alone again. I'm like, if that's what your heart desires, that's cool, oh, absolutely. But if it's like, hey, I love being married, I love being in your relationship, it sucks that my spouse is no longer here and I want someone to share my life with, then go find that someone. Go see what you need to do. A lot of what I've learned I've learned through my experience. And for those of you who don't know, my dad died when my mom was 41. So she was a widow at 41. My dad passed up to cancer. He was 45. And a couple years later she's just like I was graduated and my sister was ready to graduate, and my mom's like I want someone to share my life with. And I'm like, well, you deserve that. And she put herself out there and she met a great guy and now they're married 35 years now Most 33.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and that was like she was only married to my dad for like 21 years, so she's married to my stepdad.
Speaker 2:
I'm longer yeah.
Speaker 1:
You know, 14 years longer than she was married to my biological father and my stepdad's, a great guy.
Speaker 2:
He is.
Speaker 1:
He's a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful man. He's such a good man that Natalie and I made him godfather to our third child. That's the kind of relationship we have.
Speaker 1:
And he calls us his children and I'll never call him my dad, because he'll never be my dad, but he is a father figure in our lives and he's grandpa or pop up to our kids. You know, if I would have had a father other than my own biological father, he's the type of man I would have chosen to be my father, because he's just a wonderful, wonderful man.
Speaker 2:
So there's nothing selfish about wanting to have love again.
Speaker 1:
Right. And the point is that here's this woman who had two loves. She has two husbands, both who are great men. So I don't believe, and I know it because I've seen with some of our clients who are widows or widowers. I always get that because widows Widow is women, widower is men. I just my brain, my mouth's faster than my brain.
Speaker 1:
But you know who are widows and found love again, and because they're wonderful people and they know that, hey, you know what, I don't deserve to be happy. They didn't sit around and go, you know what? Well, I had one great love, or I had a wonderful husband and you know what, he's not here anymore. So I guess I'm going to be single the rest of my life. You know, we live in a universe full of possibilities. I truly believe that. But it's up to us to make it happen. And it's really important that you understand. First you got to go that it is possible. And if you're at that point where you don't even believe it's possible, go find evidence to support that it is, because then you get to make a choice, because once you have evidence that, hey, it does exist, now you have. Now you see there is a glass half full part. Now what do you want to choose? You want to choose to focus that it can't happen or it won't happen. That's your prerogative.
Speaker 2:
And we could give you lots of evidence. So if you're trying to look for some, let us know, we'll show you some.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, just go to our website and look at the testimonies. Look at all the individuals that we've helped, you know, who were in your shoes, who didn't believe it was possible, but they didn't realize. You know, hey, I just don't know what to do. Right, like I've been trying everything, throwing a bunch of things at the wall, taking advice from my friends Is that just put yourself out there, get back on the horse. It's not working, going on dates and talking to guys and texting back and forth and it's just wasting time.
Speaker 1:
And that's one of the things we want to share that, if you're at that point right now, one of the things that you can do to make your journey easier is to really get good at screening men quickly. One of the biggest, biggest mistakes we see women make, which often make them detest the whole dating process, is expending a lot of energy on men who will never be the relationship partner that they're really looking for. And then, when it doesn't work out, they're like see, they're all jerks, they all lie, they all can't be honest, they're all emotionally unavailable, they all can't commit, they all only want whatever it may be and, again, that may be your experience, but they're not all like that, and the beautiful part is, you only need one only need one quality.
Speaker 1:
So it's important to understand that if you're gonna go forward, you need to understand that there are, if you're over 50, there are three types of Single men out there. The first is the never married, the second is the divorced and the third are the widowers. Widowers, yes, okay. So you need to understand. Now, each of those categories has a stereotype Right. Stereotypes in life exist for a reason. They're, they're based on something, they're not just made up, and so you want to look for the stereotypes and when you see the stereotype, you want to run Right. So we'll give them to you quickly. So for the Never married, does he have commitment issues? You know, for guys in in his 50s and never been married, there's a very good chance that he's has commitment issues reason mama's boy right now.
Speaker 1:
That doesn't mean that he does, but that's your job. And once you see and once you understand how to screen, how to do cipher, how to figure out quickly that this guy's got commitment issues, that's when you run for the hills, right.
Speaker 2:
But you have to screen to know that and and break through the stereotypes and that that's part of the process, is being able to screen.
Speaker 1:
That's part of learning how to date right. So the second, second type of single guy Is the divorce guy. Now this is the guy. Is he a victim? Is he blaming his divorce on his ex? Is he not taking responsibility for the role he may have played? Now we're not saying there might be a legitimate reason. He may be a wonderful guy and he just married the wrong person.
Speaker 1:
Maybe she cheated on him, you know right, but never know the story to people to make the relationship work, and so if a guy is sitting there and he's just blaming his ex and he's not saying you know what, I take Responsibility of her. You know what? Maybe I put all my focus, energy and being a provider and I wasn't emotionally there, you know. Maybe I was selfish. Maybe I you know I didn't value her. You know I took her for granted.
Speaker 2:
Whatever it may be, right and look at it from your side. Right, many of you listening are Divorced. Right. Does that make you a bad person? Are you not a good relationship partner?
Speaker 1:
So yeah, I mean but that guy has to be have closure on his marriage. We mostly ready and emotionally available to be in a relationship. So, again, these are the things you want to look for. These are things that help make the whole process easier. And the last is the widow. Where and Is he over his wife's death, you know? Does he have closure? Is he at peace with his wife's passing? Where you want the kind I said with with my mom is he had a wonderful relationship. His wife passed, he mourned his wife and Now he's emotionally ready and emotionally available to go forward and be a healthy relationship partner to a different woman, yeah, or is he stuck on his wife? Is he carrying her earn around with her ashes? Does he have a shrine to her in his house? Because he hasn't?
Speaker 1:
gotten over her, yet and there's nothing wrong with that, but that guy will never be a healthy relationship partner. So these are all the things that if you want to find love After 50, that you have to be able to screen, you have to be able to do, and do quickly, because very often what happens in all three of these cases is oh, he's a wonderful guy, you have great chemistry, you go out in the beginning, you spend some time together. Next thing you know, in a relationship you may even get married and then somewhere down the road to realize he's not the right guy, and Then you're just like see, forget it. That's how they are and it's not that he's not the right guy. He may even be a good guy, but he's not the guy that you really were looking for.
Speaker 2:
And you've chosen the wrong guy for the wrong reasons, and so yeah, and I think the biggest thing is you don't want to settle. You know I? A lot of times we hear oh, you know, I'm this age and it's just better to have somebody than a one at all. Well, no, that's not it either. You want to have somebody who's gonna be the perfect partner for you, no matter what.
Speaker 1:
Right. So it's really key that you understand Now, running out of time, but what we want to share is that if you're single and you're just like guys, look, I'm done with this. I understand what you're saying really resonates. It's speaking to me. I just don't know where to go, what to do. Then you know what? Go to our website.
Speaker 1:
It's called the love mentors, the love mentorscom, and on there we talk about, you know, some of the things that we've discussed on this call, where we actually have a framework. What we know to be true is that in order to find love, there are basically three things that you need to do. Now it's not just like, hey, just write a profile, say this on a first date and do that Like it's a framework. This is the foundation of what you need to do. So we figure it out. We know it comes down to these three things and when you master those three things, then you put yourself in position to go out there to date correctly, to ask the right questions, to scream and to decipher if a guy is worth investing in and to know when you're investing in the right guy, so that you don't invest a lot of time and energy on someone who will never love you the way you created to be loved.
Speaker 2:
Right and, like we talked about before, wanting to find love and believing you can find love is just a small part of the puzzle, you know, a piece of the pie. There's so much more and that's what you know we talk about that framework Right.
Speaker 1:
So if you want to understand, you know and know what that framework is, go to our website against the love mentorscom, check it out and if you have any question, you can reach out to Nat and I or our.
Speaker 2:
Information's always in the podcast description. Yes, that's your department. Yeah.
Speaker 1:
All right. So hopefully, your takeaway is to know that it is possible to find love after 50. It's possible to find love after 60 or 70 or even 80. But it's not going to just happen if you just sit on your ass and go. Well, if it's meant to be, god will make it happen.
Speaker 2:
Right, you're, even if you keep doing the same things over and over again and they're not working.
Speaker 1:
I can promise you if, if it's meant to be, you have, you'll have that desire in your heart. That's God telling you. Yes, it's meant to be, but if it's meant to be, you have to do your part. Yeah, and when you do your part, then God, universe, will do its part and help you and fill in the blanks.