Living Authentically: How to Create The Life You Really Want

Ever felt the weight of societal expectations bogging you down, keeping you from your true self? Trust us, we've been there too. We're Joe and Nat, and we're here to share our personal journey of leaving unsatisfying careers behind, and embracing authenticity and fulfillment in midlife. We'll guide you in navigating societal pressures, abandoning the illusion of perfectionism, and choosing joy over obligation in your careers.

In this candid chat, we also draw inspiration from the incredible story of Diana Nyad, a testament to the power of resilience and self-belief, showing us that it's never too late to chase our dreams. We explore how holding onto negative energy can affect your overall health and how letting go can lead to a happier life. So, if you're longing for a change, yearning for a life that reflects your true self, grab your headphones, get comfy and let's embark on this journey together. Let's take the next step towards  making  the next chapter of your life, the best one yet.

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Feel free to contact us with any questions/comments you may have about this episode via email at Joe@thelovementors.com or Natalie@thelovementors.com.

You can also send us a DM and follow us on Instagram @the.lovementors or reach out in our Facebook Group - Manifesting Love in Midlife. We can also be found on YouTube - @JoeandNat.

We always love to hear from you! Be Blessed!

Transcript

Joe: 0:02

This is Joe.

Nat: 0:03

And this is Nat and you're listening to the Getting Better With Age podcast to show that helps you navigate midlife challenges and turn them into opportunities to grow and evolve into a happier, healthier and more empowered you.

Joe: 0:15

And remember, getting older doesn't mean that the best years have to be behind you. We believe, like a fine wine, you and your life can get better with age, and we're here to show you exactly how to do that.

Nat: 0:26

So grab a glass of vino, kick off your shoes and join us in discovering how to make the next chapter of your life the best one yet. Hello everyone, it's Joe and it's Nat.

Joe: 0:38

And welcome back to another episode of Getting Better With Age. I got to be honest with you.

Joe: 0:43

Normally we come to every podcast with an agenda, with a specific topic that we want to address and talk about, and today, as I was getting ready, we were throwing around a couple of things over the last few days, which has been crazy because of the holiday. We're actually recording this on Thanksgiving morning before we go off to our traditional Italian feast, but before we get into that, I was in the shower this morning. I'm like you know what, just go with it, just follow your heart. And that's so difficult when you're doing something like this, because you want to create that, you want to do something. That is like we really want to. If you're listening to this, we really want to give you some gold nuggets that you can take into your world. But I think the message that's kind of coming through is just be you, like.

Joe: 1:29

In this world, we have this illusion of perfectionism where we think we have to be a certain way or say a certain thing or create the perfect podcast. And I think and you know we'll talk about this Like I have a philosophy that says when you're in your head, you're dead. When you're in your heart, you're smart. And what I've learned in my journey is when I try and say the right thing or do the right thing or create the perfect podcast, it only does it usually suck, but it's so much more difficult in the creation process. But when I just like open up to my heart and just be my true self and share what I know to be true for my heart or speak for my heart, things tend to just flow out naturally. So I want to get your thoughts now that we kind of have a direction for this.

Nat: 2:15

Is that a direction? Just joking? Yeah, I think it's so important to just be you. As a matter of fact, I just bought a switcher and it said be. It literally says be you. And it just I just love it because that's all I ever wanted for myself, because for so long I don't think I was the true me. You know, I was just going along like a just live in life and doing the things that were quote unquote supposed to do and I never really sat to think about who am I really? And you know, now that I've hit midlife, I'm really starting to decide, like, what do I want for me and for my life and for our life? And and who do I really truly want to be? It's me, I want to be me. I don't want to be anybody else. I don't want to look like anybody else, I don't want to sound like anybody else. I don't want to do anything like anybody else, I just want to be and do me and I totally get that.

Joe: 3:21

So the question that comes to my head is well, who have you been being like? If you want to be you, who have you been being in the past?

Nat: 3:29

I think I've been a version of myself. That was what other people expected.

Joe: 3:37

Tell us more.

Nat: 3:39

You know you try to be the perfect wife and the perfect mother and the perfect daughter and you realize that. I realized that I can't be perfect Everything and.

Nat: 3:51

I might do things that people don't like, or I might. People might see me as something else or somebody else, or you know, she does this because of this, without even knowing who I. You know, they don't know who I truly am and what I do and why I do things. So it's like I can't live my life anymore worrying about that and what other people expected me and what you know. Well, if I do this with somebody going to think or what, like I just can't do that anymore. I don't want to do that anymore.

Joe: 4:30

Oh boy, if we opened up a can of worms. I totally get it Like because this is what happens, like you know, I hear all the time is well, just be yourself. And it's like when you said it to a person. It's like well, who have I been being? You know, the past couple of decades and I think you kind of alluded to it is you were being who you thought you should be based on upbringing, society, religion, cultures, family, friends, everything else. And I think that's when we get into our head and then we try to be perfect we have to look a certain way or just a certain way, or live in a certain size house or drive a certain size car, drive or send our kids to a certain college, like all those external things I think define us and we create a level of living. I think that just creates so much stress and pressure and I think when we get to this point, it's like for what? So you get the nice things, but is it really giving you that joy and I think that's part of kind of what you're alluding to is being authentic, being the authentic you?

Joe: 5:38

I think when people say like be you, it's like oh, who have I been being. I think, if you're listening to this and you really take some time to really get honest with yourself, you weren't truly and consistently being the real you. You weren't truly and consistently following your heart and doing what lights you up and being who you were created to be. Now I know sometimes in that journey we're like we think because we went to school and got a certain degree or education, like that defines us. So like if you're an accountant, I'm an accountant. If you're a an attorney, you're an attorney. If you're a doctor, you're a doctor. It's like that's who I am. So our identities get caught up. Or mom, like I'm a mom, and it's like no, I think it's like the facets of a diamond, but that's part of who you are, but it's not really who you are and your authentic self. And I think when we identify with the external things instead of going within and discovering who do I really want to be, how do I want to live, how do I want to show up in this world and it could be I want to show up as a wonderful mother, a wonderful father. But what does that look like? Am I doing it from my heart, because this is who I'm called to be and who I want to be, or am I doing it from my head, thinking this is what a Perfect mom does or a perfect dad does?

Joe: 7:13

I think one of the greatest gifts and you know I talk about this all this time is Showing our kids. It's okay to be imperfect, like you know. We see it. You know our kids are teenagers Our oldest is 20, but there's so much pressure on these kids to want to know. It's always like the next step, like right, when you're in high school, where you're going to college. You're in your college, you know what are you studying, what do you want to do. You know if you're, once you're out, you know you got a girlfriend, you're gonna get married, like it's always like chasing the Carrot on the stick and it's like why can't we just be happy and know that where I am today is Perfect and I'll figure it out?

Nat: 7:52

Yeah, I mean that's so true. There's so much pressure nowadays for I mean, everybody, like Joe said about you know our kids and I I don't know. I don't understand how everybody expects an 18 year old to know what they want to do for the rest of their lives. I mean I, literally I what my past life? Before before I was a mom and a wife, and when I was younger.

Nat: 8:21

When I was younger, I, I was a career counselor and an academic advisor at a college and and these kids would come into me having no clue of what they wanted. And here's me on the other side of the desk Thinking this is what I wanted. And then I realized this is not what I want. And I was 30 something, or you know, my early 30s then, and I'm like here, they are, not knowing anything, being pressured into trying to figure something out. And here I am. And here I am because I was that 18 year old, being pressured trying to figure something out and now I thought I figured it out and I did not, and it was not a pleasant experience.

Joe: 9:05

Oh yes, it was not a pleasant experience. Let me give you a little insight into our world. Every Sunday night, about 10, 30, 11 o'clock, all of a sudden, natalie would have like I don't want to say an anxiety attack.

Nat: 9:21

But kind of.

Joe: 9:24

I don't know how to label it, but it was like all this, like I don't want to go to work tomorrow and I hate it, and All this stuff would come up, cry a lot, right, and she would cry a lot, um, and I would sit there and go. You know what Monday comes every week and you know this is how you feel. Like why can't we have this conversation at like seven o'clock? Why do we have? Why do we have to wait to like right when we're going to bed? Because now we got to deal with this and now we got to get you to a Place where you feel comfortable, you feel happy, and we could have done that like four hours ago.

Joe: 9:54

But you know, for those of you who are out there, who you know, if you're in a relationship and you're a guy you know, just Try and put yourself in their shoes, like, don't judge them, because they're just different creatures. I'm in a good way, in many ways much better than us, but just understand, okay, like what's going on and just be there to love them and support them, but not to digress, right, and I think you're spot on. Is that this pressure? That? And if we look back at that pressure was on us too.

Nat: 10:23

Yeah. Right, like that's why I was on the other side of that desk not being very happy.

Joe: 10:27

But if you think about that, right, there's something called the midlife crisis that a lot of people go through.

Joe: 10:33

I know, if you're listening to this, either you've gone through it yourself or you know someone that you're related to or you're very close to that's gone through that. And if you really think of it like you said, 18. Ok, what are you going to do the rest of your life? Oh, you know what? I'm going to go to be an accountant, I'm going to be a lawyer, I'm going to be a chiropractor, whatever it may be. And then you do that thinking that's going to make it good, I'm going to make the big bucks, I'm going to get married. And then you do all that stuff that you're quote unquote supposed to do, that you've been indoctrinated with. And then you get there. Go, wait a minute. Why don't I really feel at peace? Why don't I really feel a joy? Why am I going to this job that I freaking hate? Right, and it's like you get most people called a midlife crisis.

Joe: 11:16

I call the midlife calling. I think it's like God's wake up call going. You know, you were created for much more than this. That doesn't mean that you have to go save the world, but it's like you were created to create the life that you desire in your heart, whatever that is for you, and nobody can tell you what that should be. It drives me crazy when I, when I see parents saying you know, well, I was a chiropractor and you're going to be a chiropractor, or you know, I know someone, I'm related to that. He was given two options. It's like you either become a doctor or an engineer, and they're two siblings One became the doctor, one became an engineer, and both hate it. And I'm like you know what? No, it's your journey, it's your life and, I think, true love. You know, I'm learning this more and more, as a parent is saying you're smart enough, you will figure it out. Just follow your heart, listen to what your true heart desires is, and then follow that and your life will work out perfectly. Now go ahead.

Nat: 12:12

Well, I'm going to say, like you know, many people are in jobs that they're not happy with, but they needed to pay the bills. Let's just be real about that. You know that's reality. But that could be OK, that could be your job, that's what you have to pay the bills. But there's other things you could do with your life that will bring you that joy. Outside of that, you know, it doesn't have to be just your career that we're talking about.

Joe: 12:38

And I agree I don't believe you know people like OK, well, I realize this is what I do want with the rest of my life, so I'm going to quit and go join the circus tomorrow we're not talking about because you know, I think we're a perfect example, right, I was a chiropractor and I knew I wanted to do something more with my life and I didn't know what it was, but I knew that I wasn't really getting the joy in being a chiropractor. It was very frustrating for me, long story short, because I found out that most people's physical ailments were a result of unmanifested emotional stress in their life and so, no matter how great adjustment I gave, a lot of people would feel good and then they come back three days later or a week later with the same problem. You know some who did heal and they did great. But there were a lot of people and I took it because I truly want to help people and make a difference, and I took it as I was a failure, and so I got to the point like, wait, this isn't really working for me.

Joe: 13:32

And then I went on this journey and we had bills to pay, we had mortgage, car payments, all that. So I didn't just quit, but I found out what I wanted to do and then I slowly transitioned out of that. So you know, I believe and I think it comes down to beliefs, because if you believe you can't do what you love and pay your bills, then that's kind of going to be your reality. But I believe that you can do what you love, what brings you joy, and make the living that you truly desire in your heart Again, whatever that is. So I think a lot of times we have to examine our beliefs about where we're at and about life, about jobs, about careers, about purpose, all of that stuff.

Nat: 14:15

You call me off guard, you just like stopped. Well, you just said the other day you just keep going and then your brain goes and your mouth stops.

Joe: 14:23

I know right.

Nat: 14:25

Anyway, but no, yeah, it's, it's, you know, it's a journey, let me tell you, and it's all about and we've actually done an episode on it, We've done an episode on this about- joy, and it's just really finding what brings you joy in this world and doing it because it's something that is truly what you want in your heart.

Nat: 14:49

And that's the thing, like I said talking about before. That's you know how I kind of was going through life being. You know what everybody else expected and that's why, getting back to that story, that's why I was on the other side of that desk being very unhappy because that's kind of what I felt I was expected to do. You know, when I graduated high school and I went to college, I'm like I had no idea what I wanted to major in. Right, I had no clue. And I'm like, oh, you know what, I'll just major in psychology, because it's interesting, like that was it.

Nat: 15:28

And you know, and that's you know how I ended up working at the college, because then I went for my masters, because I'm like, all right, well, what am I going to do now? I'm going to have to go to more schools to do more. So, yeah, it's just. It's just just be you. I want to be me, and that's why I'm here. And you know, this morning I'm actually I was proud of myself because I got up this morning and I went for my walk.

Nat: 15:54

I never would do that on Thanksgiving morning, but part of being me is feeling good and I want to feel good every day. And that's the biggest thing, too, about our podcast is getting better with age right. So we actually were watching a movie this morning called NIAID. It was about Diana NIAID, you know the one who swam from Cuba to Florida and she said after she finished she was what? 60 something. Niaid beliefs and she's like it's never too late to do something that you want to do Like, and it's so true.

Joe: 16:27

Right? Well, I think that goes to the beliefs. Oh, we're getting too old, I can't do this. Time has passed me by. I just have to hang in there till I retire.

Joe: 16:35

And I think you know what you were saying is it really comes down to creating the life the way you want it to be. Now. That doesn't mean that things aren't going to happen in life that are going to make life a little challenging. But I think we get to respond to those things. We get to choose who we want to be in the face of that adversity. You know, for so long life would throw something at me and I would like almost fight it and it's like I don't want this, I don't like this. What do I got to do to fix it, make it go away? And it was almost like I was running against the current and I wish I could say I'm totally you know letting go and completely there and something I'm still currently working on. But I've learned, and I'm learning more and more every day to just like, let go, and it's like who do I want to be in the face of this? Because, again, you talk a lot about guilt. I think when you grow up a certain way and you know, we both grew up, you know Italian, roman Catholic, and there's a lot of guilt. You have to be this way, like, you have to go this and you have to call and you have to visit and you have to do this and you have to like all the things that sometimes go against like, no, I just want to say no, like, and I want to be at peace with saying no, and I think that comes down to being your true self Like. Sometimes I think you're your higher self. Know it's okay to tell people no, sorry, I can't make it today, and I believe that if those people truly love you, they will allow you to have your journey.

Joe: 18:03

I was having a conversation. My mother went for a colonoscopy yesterday. We went to lunch afterwards and we're having a conversation. She was talking about friends and how, at that age, or a lot of ages, friends are your friends as long as it's convenient for them. She had these friends and she was saying, oh, they're friends and all of a sudden, one husband got in a car accident and they couldn't go out and do things and their friend basically dropped them and they were really good friends for years and the wife was like you know, I want to reach out and continue to talk. And she reached out multiple times and they kept making excuses and the husband was basically like fuck him. He's like you know what, everything we did for them and how we were there when they needed us. Now, when we're down, you know, now they're now, they deserted us. You know, screw them.

Nat: 18:49

Yes, you tell me that story too. Well, my mother tells the same story. She asked me what I would do. Would you call? Yes, would you call?

Joe: 18:55

one more time, yes. So I think the point is that do what feels right in your heart, and I'm a big believer that Treating people the way you want to be treated, and if other people aren't loving you and treating you and you know those people and you try and reach out and have a comfort and they continue not to respect you or honor you or value, I see nothing wrong with saying bye. Bye, you know, and I think when you do that from your heart, like that's how I say it, I release them with love, like, hey, you know what? This relationship is no longer working for you or it's only when it's convenient for you, then you know. I wish you all the best on your journey. I really, really do. It's just I don't want you on my playground anymore and I think, when you can do that without the judgment, without the vitriol, oh, they did this, they did that because that anger, that frustration I saw with with with my uncle.

Joe: 19:47

He went through there was a family situation I won't go into detail, but he had so much rage in him and literally he developed cancer and he was gone within eight months and I know with 100 percent. It was the rage that he felt the anger, the venom which was just stored in his body and just and when he got cancer or disease that ate up his digestive system. And I'm a big believer with my dad I've had friends who passed from cancer that you know what, what you think, what you focus on, what you focus on is energy, and if you store that negative energy in your body it's going to manifest somewhere somehow.

Nat: 20:29

Oh yeah, and watch what you say. Words are powerful and I've talked about this before on on an episode with talking about my mom, where she used to stay all the time because her friend died of cancer early on, you know, in her early sixties I believe and she would say if I get sick, I don't want to know. She would say that all the time, guess what?

Joe: 20:51

She got sick and she didn't know how.

Nat: 20:52

Time is. She got sick and she didn't know.

Joe: 20:55

I I've Firm words are powerful.

Joe: 20:57

I firmly believe it. It's the energy behind the words, because I think sometimes people like well, I say this, you know, am I going to die? Like I had I said something stupid. No, if it's a one time, it's not a big deal. But if you're saying that over and over and you truly feel it, and I call it in body like you feel that energy in your body, you got to watch out and I think that's why it's so important to like Diana and I, if you watch that movie, she was like I'm doing it.

Nat: 21:23

Oh yeah.

Joe: 21:23

She's. There was no doubt in her mind and boy, did she have obstacles. Like she didn't do it the first time and I didn't ever do this. I knew she tried and failed, but I know it was like she succeeded on the fifth time. So there were four times where she tried over a 30 year period and she failed, and everybody around her told her to quit, give up, you could die. This is it. And she had it in her mind. She believed that she could do it and she did it. And but was it? Did she have challenge after?

Nat: 21:51

challenge. She like bit by jellyfish and stuff and and sharks and.

Joe: 21:56

So if you want to watch a movie about the power of the human mind, the human will, the human spirit, definitely check this movie out, because it shows you if this woman in her sixties could create such a huge feet. Yeah, we're not talking, I'm watching this going. She's slam 100 miles, that's like from here down the shore 102, I think 102 miles, and I'm like I couldn't swim five laps in a pool. I'm like this woman can swim hundreds of miles over without sleeping. I think it was about 52 hours straight without sleeping, without stopping.

Nat: 22:39

Well, that's like just stepdad is 88 years old and every summer he swims. You know, even when they go to Florida he swims his laps right for like half hour right back and forth, back and forth. And I'm like I tried to do like a few laps one time. I'm like, oh my God, I'm like he's 88 years old and he does it religiously.

Joe: 22:58

And it's an important part of his life, of his fitness and his health, and because of that, his attitude is great, his spirit is great, he's very positive, very uplifting, and I think that's, you know, kind of what we wanted to bring to this podcast is that, hey, we're all at that crossroads in our life and it can go one way or the other, but ultimately it's really up to you to decide. How do you want to create the next chapter of your life? Do you want to buy into the crap that everybody else is saying? Well, better days are behind us. You know, it's just all downhill from here. I'm just getting older, so I just got to suck it up.

Joe: 23:32

What do you want to say? Like, be like Diane, and I ought to be like my stepdad or anybody else that you see around you who is full of life, full of them and bigger. And you're like, hey, if they can do it, why can't I? And we truly know that you can if you want to. But it's up to you to make it happen, and you already are your best. You is just a matter of you believing it and then aligning your thoughts, words and actions with who you were created to be.

Nat: 23:58

Yeah, I kind of feel like we were like a little over the place with this episode because that was kind of like a point of just swinging it, but really what it all comes down to is just living from your heart. Yeah, and there is a sense of being authentic.

Joe: 24:14

Yeah, there is a central theme. If you go back and listen to this, there's a thing is be your true self, decide who you want to be and then go be it. And if you're having trouble, find someone who has already succeeded at whatever you want to do and learn from them, model them, have them, mentor you, because one of the things we live in the universe and a world where I believe is full of possibilities but again, I believe it and if you believe you can do it, that's the first step, but that doesn't mean it's going to happen Then you have to go, take the actions, do the work, take the necessary steps to make it happen. And when you do, I think, just like Diane and I had, it's a slam dunk. It may be full of adversity, of challenges, but I think that's what makes it so much sweeter when you finally get there.

Nat: 25:04

So that's all I got today, and that's where the joy comes in.

Joe: 25:09

Anything else.

Nat: 25:12

No, I'm good All right, so Finishing words. Well, listen. It is a joy for me every week to come here and to speak to whoever's listening out there. This is one thing that I can say I do for my heart and brings me joy and I just appreciate and today's Thanksgiving and I'm just grateful for all of you that do listen to us every week. It really warms my heart and my soul.

Joe: 25:41

So if this resonated with you, can you do us a favor and just pass it along to someone you know who can get value from it? And then, if you have any questions like hey, this totally resonated, I feel lost, I don't know where to go, what to do next. You know, reach out to Natalie and I Thank you for that. Thank you for that. I love you. Thank you for that. Alright, thank you so much. Thank you, so we'll see you next week.

Nat: 26:01

Our information is down below In the description, and then we will do our best to support you. All right, we love and appreciate you. We'll see you next week.