Unwrapping Joy: Your Guide to a Stress-Free Holiday Season

Ever felt the holiday stress sneak up on you, transforming the season of joy into a pressure cooker? It's time to chuck that stress out of the window! Join us  as we strip down the holiday overwhelm and piece together a stress-free holiday. 

You'll revel in Nat's personal journey of battling health issues while keeping the Christmas cookie tradition alive. We share intimate stories, tips, and strategies to help you bring back the holiday cheer. After all, what's a holiday without a little joy, right?

As we dig deeper into the cause of the holiday stress epidemic, we'll discover the bridge between stress and relationships. Let's unmask the triggers, learn to set expectations that won't leave us drained and embrace the core essence of holidays - togetherness, sharing meals, and love! 

We challenge you to rethink your holiday plans. Drop in and share your own stress-busting hacks and make this holiday a collective celebration filled with joy, laughter, and stress-free experiences. Strap in for an episode filled with laughter, revelations, and a fresh perspective on managing holiday stress.

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Feel free to contact us with any questions/comments you may have about this episode via email at Joe@thelovementors.com or Natalie@thelovementors.com.

You can also send us a DM and follow us on Instagram @the.lovementors or reach out in our Facebook Group - Manifesting Love in Midlife. We can also be found on YouTube - @JoeandNat.

We always love to hear from you! Be Blessed!

Transcript

Joe: 0:02

This is Joe.

Nat: 0:03

And this is Nat and you're listening to the Getting Better With Age podcast to show that helps you navigate midlife challenges and turn them into opportunities to grow and evolve into a happier, healthier and more empowered you.

Joe: 0:15

And remember, getting older doesn't mean that the best years have to be behind you. We believe, like a fine wine, you and your life can get better with age, and we're here to show you exactly how to do that.

Nat: 0:26

So grab a glass of vino, kick off your shoes and join us in discovering how to make the next chapter of your life the best one yet.

Joe: 0:36

Hello everyone, it is Joe.

Nat: 0:38

And it's Nat. Welcome back to another episode of Getting Better With Age. So we just came out of Thanksgiving weekend. What does that mean, Joe?

Joe: 0:48

That means it's officially the holiday season, right, and we have to say holiday. We can't say Christmas now. We want to incorporate everybody, absolutely, we all include it. So it is the holiday season.

Nat: 0:59

Right, and we are all decorated, while outside not in yet.

Joe: 1:03

Yes.

Nat: 1:04

That's Joe's project Absolutely Every Black Friday.

Joe: 1:08

Absolutely. I love decorating for the holidays, although I have to admit this is the first time ever in my life that I decorated before Thanksgiving. Like growing up it was always like, nope, you got to do Thanksgiving the day after Thanksgiving. That was officially the holiday season, that was officially Christmas time. But this year, because we put lights up on the roof, I'm like you know, it was a beautiful day the week before Thanksgiving. I'm like you know, I'm going to go up on the roof, I'm going to put up the lights, just because it's just going to make life easier. Because, I don't know, for some reason, each year we just get more and more and more to put out. It just becomes literally a chore. A chore that I love, but it becomes a lot of work. So it is officially the holiday season.

Nat: 1:52

Yes, and we're all about making things easier and less stressful. That's my segue into today's episode. This is the holiday season, as we said, and for many people it tends to be very overwhelming and stressful, though it is very joyous for so many people. You can kind of have a little bit of both.

Joe: 2:12

And I get that and you know we'll talk in this dress, but it's like the holidays come the same time every year. It's not like it's a surprise and it's like why does everybody get so stressed out when you know it's coming? You know you have 11 months to prepare for it. Like, why do people leave things the last minute? Why do people get overwhelmed? Why do people go into the stores? I love you know.

Joe: 2:38

I remember when I was younger I had a buddy and I we used to do Christmas shopping, like, and we would go and spend the whole day and we would just laugh and have fun and we would just bust on people because, like there's so many people in the stores that were stressed out and the employees were like, you know, we would say, you know you having fun today and like all the people are just crazy and everybody's so stressed out and we know it's a little bit why. It's like it's the same thing every year. So we just always like to make the most of it and I think that's what we're going to talk about today. Is you know, why is it that a lot of people get so stressed during the holidays and what can you do to minimize that stress?

Nat: 3:19

Right, and you know I am guilty of that happening. You know, just with the shopping and the baking and the Christmas cards and the cooking and the planning, it tends to get very overwhelming. But I am very fortunate my husband is very supportive and very helpful and, though our kids don't jump at the chance, when we do ask them they do help.

Joe: 3:43

Well, the teenagers? They don't volunteer for work.

Nat: 3:47

But, um, yeah, I mean it could. It could be a lot, and sometimes you just have to kind of say no to some things to kind of lessen that overwhelm. Like last year, I didn't send out Christmas cards, oh my God. And the world went on the world went on.

Joe: 4:02

And let's not talk about the year you did big cookies and almost had a meltdown.

Nat: 4:07

Oh, that was so hard I that was. I don't know that was when I wasn't feeling well. That was before my, when I was having my female problems, that's right. But I just was not feeling well and I'm like I just didn't have the energy. I was stressed to the max. I'm like I can't, I don't have time to make Christmas cookies, christmas cookies, and I cried about it. I really cried because people look forward to it.

Joe: 4:32

Those are you listening? You know you have certain moments that you remember, like they were yesterday. I can remember. It's like I remember we were driving, we were coming up to that road by the cemetery and you're just struggling with what am I going to do? And cry and I'm like, don't make cookies, like, but I got to make cookies and you don't understand and people love my cookies and I'm like, yes, that's all true, but the world will go on. And if people really loved you and understood that you were physically unwell because you were dealing with your issues, and if they didn't truly understand and kind of give you grace, then are those people you really want to be worried about. And I think a lot of this. For those of you listening, the stress of the holidays is keeping up this image of trying to be perfect, trying to do everything right, trying to get everything done, and I think the stress is really, for the most part, self-imposed.

Nat: 5:26

Yes.

Joe: 5:27

And I think we have to learn to just take a break and go. Well, wait a minute. What's really vital? Is this adding joy, like you say, is this adding joy to the holidays, or is this taking my joy away? Like, to me, that's really as simple as it gets.

Nat: 5:44

Yes, but kind of when you're in it, when the struggle is there. The struggle is real, but every year I know consciously that it all works out, everything gets done. I know that every year because everything gets done and everything is perfect. Well, everything is fine, but still every year the same overwhelm comes. I got to do this and I got to do this, and I got to do this Knowing again consciously that it's going to work out. But it's still that the pressure comes over you and comes over me and I really just have to learn to really feel and know that it's all going to get done, it's going to be OK.

Nat: 6:28

And last year when I ran out of time and I didn't do the Christmas cards, I didn't cry crazy, like with the Christmas cookies. I'm like you know what. I was good with it. I'm like you know what I can't do Christmas cards this year. And I think the people, like Joe said, the people who love you, will understand and they're not going to say damn it, Natalie, they're going to send us a Christmas card, never going to talk to her again.

Joe: 6:49

Those frigging Amoyas they didn't send her. Cross them off our list. We will never talk to them again.

Nat: 6:55

Yeah, so plus the fact that I had two broken arms, you remember? Yes, yes.

Joe: 6:58

Oh, I remember, I remember. It's kind of hard to write out Christmas cards when you have two broken arms.

Nat: 7:03

Yes, Anyway, and even this year, like I said back in the summer, I have our two Christmas card pictures that I'm going to use. You think I would have gotten them already done right? Yeah, no, it's not done yet.

Joe: 7:14

And again, that's fine. You know, for a lot of us we procrastinate, we put things off to the last minute until we have to do them and getting it done. But the key is that doing it in a way where it doesn't become stressful. You know, as we're talking about I'm just laughing because you know my mom was she's the most loving, generous, goodhearted person. Like she'll sacrifice, she'll do for anybody she loves and cares about. Like if I would crash the car, she'd be like are you OK? Don't worry, it's OK. It's only a car. As long as you're OK, we can replace a car. It's no big deal. This is life. Like like she was so Caring and so loving during those.

Joe: 7:56

But if it came to the holidays, like I remember one time I left, I literally left a dish in the sink after she cleaned it. She was getting ready for the holidays. And she's like you, ungrateful bastard, don't you see what I'm doing? And she like ripped me a new one and I'm like wait a minute, and I, in that moment I go. I don't get it.

Joe: 8:16

And those of you who listening you may relate to this Like I could crash the car and it's no big deal, but if I put a glass in the sink all of a sudden because you're stressed out, you're overwhelmed, you're going to go off the deep edge.

Joe: 8:34

And you know I'm so grateful for these moments because I think those moments I experienced as my mom made me a better husband. I guess it's true. It helped me understand women and people and just, you know, and seeing things in a different light. And you know, and I remember as I got older, I was OK, it's the holidays, you know you got to be extra cautious and not give mom any more extra work and my sister would get all bent out of shape. And I'm like, haven't you seen this movie before? It's like it's the holidays, you know it's going to happen. And I think it's kind of knowing yourself in this and being self aware that knowing, like kind of what your shortcomings are, what your triggers are, and being able to identify those things that can add more stress to you, and being able to identify and create strategies to de-stress, to decompress, I think that's so important.

Nat: 9:29

Absolutely and like for me, one of the things that would overwhelm me more like I was explaining about the cookies and the cards is not wanting to disappoint people for the holidays and I'm like they're not going to be disappointed if I'm still there for them and I'm still there for them every other day of the year. If they don't get a tray of cookies, I think it'll be okay.

Nat: 9:54

And it's really understanding that and it's kind of planning Like now I know like I always pick like the weekend. Okay, this is the weekend I'm going to bake the cookies, you know and all right. I have this day free. I'm going to start because I usually do online shopping, because it lessens the stress so much.

Joe: 10:10

Absolutely. Why not Amazon? Drop it right in your door.

Nat: 10:14

So that's usually what I do now. You know, if we have to go out to the stores, it's like a quick, quick in and out. You know, this is what I'm getting. So I think really just kind of planning it out and knowing what you're doing when that's, that's helped me tremendously.

Joe: 10:29

And here's the thing too, for those of you who, you know, want to buy for somebody and it's like you get stressed, I don't know what to buy. And you're in the store and you're looking at this, you're looking at that here's approach I kind of use. It's like what do you want for Christmas? I don't know. Well, you better tell me what you want, give me some ideas, because otherwise I'm going to buy you something that you're probably not going to want or not want to like. So I prefer that you get something that you're really going to want, enjoy and like and that really works, really, really well. Because nobody, we all have memories where we got that Christmas present from an aunt or somebody and we're so excited, right? Oh, I got a present and you open it up and it's like oh, fucking scarf, I need a fucking scarf for.

Joe: 11:11

like you know, thought that counts right and you know you're taught that. But as a kid you're just like. You know the thought is I want something cool, I want something fun, I want something that I'm going to enjoy, not something practical that I don't really want or don't really need, that I don't even wear. So it's about you know getting to the truth and picking things that will add joy to your holidays and make your life easier. And you know we talked about you know doing for others and that fear of looking good. Right, I think a big time is. We want to look good, we don't want to disappoint people Like I remember the one year where, when we first got married, you would bake I don't know like 40 different types of cookies.

Joe: 11:49

Oh, my God and like our dining our dining room table was filled with all different types of cookies. And then when, again, the journey of Natalie, she would get to the point like, oh, I just can't make all these cookies. You know, we have kids and she got other responsibilities. I can't make all these cookies. I'm like, well, you know, just make a couple of them. Oh no, but you know, my dad likes the almond cookies and my sister likes this cookies and my nephew likes this cookies, and it would be like you can't do it all.

Joe: 12:21

And if they really love you, they'll understand they'll eat the other cookies, right, it's? You know those of you. You know, if you're going to plan, you're hosting the holidays, maybe, like you know, you got to have the perfect spread and you have the perfect foods and this and that. I'm like my mother was famous for that. And I'm like put the food out and people will eat it. Yes, if you have two things out and they like this one more than that one, they'll go for the one that they like. But if they only have one thing and they're hungry, they'll eat it. And if they walk out the door saying, you know what, I'm still hungry, well then they can stop it. Burger king on the way home, like isn't. The purpose of holidays is being together, sharing a meal and having fun and enjoying each other's company.

Nat: 13:05

And yeah, food plays a role in it, especially if you're you know, and as Italians, we always want to make sure there's more than enough.

Joe: 13:10

Right, but whether there's 20 things or eight things in the big scope of life is really not that important. And if people are going to get overwhelmed or stressed out or judge you because you only put eight good things versus 20, then you might want to consider you know that relationship.

Nat: 13:29

Yeah, and it's also also doling out the responsibilities. Just for example, for Thanksgiving we went to Joe's sister's house and you know she did a lot of cooking, but she asked me to make a couple of things and I wanted to make a dessert and our youngest son was like she make a mac and cheese and I'm like I don't know, probably not, like I didn't think yeah, my sister's not a mac.

Nat: 13:48

And cheese person. He's like can you make mac and cheese? I'm like, Mikey, if you want mac and cheese, you make mac and cheese, Cause I'm not adding another thing to my plate, right? So, to his credit, he found a recipe on TikTok a very popular recipe on TikTok and he's like can I make this? I'm like, yeah, so I did go out and buy the ingredients for the maris for him, because he doesn't drive.

Joe: 14:11

And you were shopping anyway. I was shopping anyway.

Nat: 14:14

So I got him the ingredients and he did the whole thing himself and it was really good, I have to say. So you know what, if they really want it and they want to do it, then they'll do it.

Joe: 14:23

And I think that's really important too, like realizing you don't have to do it all, like that type a sounds different. Oooh, alright, recruiting, help, delegating. There are people in your life that will help. Now, some will do it voluntarily, some will do it begrudgingly, but that's okay If it's going to make your life easier and you know there are times where you do for them. It's time to call in those favors and reciprocate and say, hey, you know I need you to pitch in, I need you to help out to me. That's what family, that's what friends, that's what relationships are all about. It's a give and take. Sometimes I can do for you, sometimes I'm going to need you to do for me. And not feeling, I think a lot of stress comes from I got to do it all, I got to make it happen, I got to take it all on, and I think that's a recipe for unhappiness.

Nat: 15:10

Right, yeah, and for example, like you know, we'll have Christmas, with Christmas Day, with my sister and you know I know she, you know she works full time and she's got a lot on her plate and I'm like that's fine if you know she want. You want to do Christmas, but I'm going to help. I'm like I want to, I don't you know, because I know how stressful it could be right, so I want to pitch in and do what I can to help.

Joe: 15:29

Right and I think that's really key is that we all pitch in and help. Now you may be in a situation where, like there's nobody I can count on. Well, that may be true, but then there are things. Maybe you can order a dish out, maybe you can cut a dish out.

Joe: 15:43

Maybe some of us I really like when you do that say you know, I would love to do that, but I just can't do it all. So if you want that, you can bring it, or you can make it Like we don't have to do for everyone at the expense of our own happen. That's something I'm learning the more I go on my journey is sometimes you just you can't do it all, and sometimes you have to be selfish in a healthy way and say no and if you truly understand, you truly love me, you'll, you'll be okay with it and then you'll do what you feel you need to do. And I think the people who give you the hard time it's like you know do they really love you in the way that you want to be loved and deserve to be loved, or are they loving you based on their expectations or judgment of you behaving or doing things a certain way?

Nat: 16:25

Right. Well, that's the thing. Like I said before, I was afraid I would disappoint somebody if I didn't make certain things. Like you know, I, there are certain things that I know my father, my mother-in-law and my aunt all like, so I try to do those every year, so they get that. But anything else is kind of like all right, I'll do these and everybody's going to be happy with it. So you kind of have to pick and choose, because otherwise it does get so overwhelming and so stressful and it's supposed to be such a joyous, happy time of year. Like why are we letting it consume us in a negative way?

Joe: 17:01

Well, I think, because most of us don't think of it. We just do what we see everybody else doing. We take it all on without thinking and think well, this is just the way it's supposed to be. You were talking before we jumped on about you know why is it? Right after the holidays Everybody gets sick, right? And they call it flu season. Well, why do flu season start? Pretty much right after the holidays? And if you think about it, you know, from Thanksgiving on, you know, the stress levels are higher. People are running around putting more on their plate, they're going to parties, they're eating a lot more.

Joe: 17:37

They're eating food that they don't normally eat, they're putting on weight drinking drinking all of that, and so I think their bodies after all that go. Wait a minute. You had fun during the holidays. Well, now you're going to pay.

Nat: 17:48

Now the flu comes in, it's like, ah, there's my end.

Joe: 17:51

Right, right, and I think our immune system just get weakened and our bodies break down and then we get the flu. So, you know, if that's a pattern for you, you know, pay attention to that, go OK. Well, what are some things you can do prior to new years to not put stress on your body physically, chemically or emotionally?

Nat: 18:11

Yeah, do what you can. You have to keep your body as healthy as you could, whether it's exercising or, you know, making sure you're making healthy choices. You know, maybe not on Christmas. You know you want to eat the cookies, you want to eat the food, and that's OK, but it's when it's like. Everything in moderation, every month Thanksgiving through New Year's.

Joe: 18:31

Right, and, I think, everything in moderation. So, as we go into the holidays, after listening to this, what is it that you can do to minimize the stress, even if it's one thing, just really think about that. What's one thing that you can do a little bit? What's one thing you can cut out? What's one thing you can let go of? What's one thing that you can do that's a little healthier, get more rest, maybe go for a walk, whatever it may be. What's one thing that you can do to make the stress of the holidays a lot less and to make the holidays more enjoyable for you.

Nat: 19:14

Absolutely, and we'd love to hear from you, let us know what you think, what you're doing to minimize your stress over the holidays, because you know what. That can help us too. We're like oh, this is a good idea, so you can definitely reach out. Yeah, if you've got any great suggestions that you know what I do this and this really helps.

Joe: 19:30

Yeah, please share it with us and so we can share with our community. So anything else before we wrap it up no, just enjoy the holiday season. Absolutely All right. We love and appreciate you. We'll see you next week Bye.