Have you been feeling the absence of a meaningful relationship while seemingly having everything else in life?
Where are the quality guys? Are there really any quality single men out there and if there is where is that one special guy who will commit to sharing his life with you?
In midlife it can be easy to into the misconception that men all the good guys are taken and the guys that are single only care about one thing. But we're here to debunk that myth and highlight the importance of single guys who are emotionally available and who have a longing for a deep, fulfilling relationship, just like you!
Join us as we share personal experiences and insights, reflecting on the value of having a partner to share the joys and challenges of life with.
In this enlightening conversation, we highlight the distinction between just having a relationship and having a true life partner. We explore the common misunderstanding that one doesn't require a partner, underlining how a life partner can significantly enhance a person's life.
A solid partnership goes beyond companionship; it involves mutual understanding and support. We also delve into the notion of free will and how it ultimately determines whether one finds a life partner or not. There's a vast difference between merely being in a relationship and genuinely enjoying life with a compatible partner.
We explore the nuanced difference between a supportive life partner and a selfish one who may retreat when times get tough. Drawing from personal experiences, we emphasize the importance of effective communication during challenging times and how these aspects can strengthen a partnership.
If you haven't found your life partner yet, don't blame yourself. Use this as a starting point for finding solutions. Remember, you are a catch with so much to offer. Thanks for joining us, and we look forward to catching up with you next week.
_______________________________________________________________________________________ Feel free to contact us with any questions/comments you may have about this episode via email at Joe@thelovementors.com or Natalie@thelovementors.com.
Have you been feeling the absence of a meaningful relationship while seemingly having everything else in life?
Where are the quality guys? Are there really any quality single men out there and if there is where is that one special guy who will commit to sharing his life with you?
In midlife it can be easy to into the misconception that men all the good guys are taken and the guys that are single only care about one thing. But we're here to debunk that myth and highlight the importance of single guys who are emotionally available and who have a longing for a deep, fulfilling relationship, just like you!
Join us as we share personal experiences and insights, reflecting on the value of having a partner to share the joys and challenges of life with.
In this enlightening conversation, we highlight the distinction between just having a relationship and having a true life partner. We explore the common misunderstanding that one doesn't require a partner, underlining how a life partner can significantly enhance a person's life.
A solid partnership goes beyond companionship; it involves mutual understanding and support. We also delve into the notion of free will and how it ultimately determines whether one finds a life partner or not. There's a vast difference between merely being in a relationship and genuinely enjoying life with a compatible partner.
We explore the nuanced difference between a supportive life partner and a selfish one who may retreat when times get tough. Drawing from personal experiences, we emphasize the importance of effective communication during challenging times and how these aspects can strengthen a partnership.
If you haven't found your life partner yet, don't blame yourself. Use this as a starting point for finding solutions. Remember, you are a catch with so much to offer. Thanks for joining us, and we look forward to catching up with you next week.
_______________________________________________________________________________________ Feel free to contact us with any questions/comments you may have about this episode via email at Joe@thelovementors.com or Natalie@thelovementors.com.
And this is Nat and you're listening to the Getting Better With Age podcast to show that helps you navigate midlife challenges and turn them into opportunities to grow and evolve into a happier, healthier and more empowered you.
Joe:
And remember, getting older doesn't mean that the best years have to be behind you. We believe, like a fine wine, you and your life can get better with age, and we're here to show you exactly how to do that.
Natalie:
So grab a glass of vino, kick off your shoes and join us in discovering how to make the next chapter of your life the best one yet. Hello everyone, it is Joe and it's Nat and welcome back to another episode of Getting Better With Age. So bear with me. Today I have a cold, I have a little laryngitis and uh yeah, so sorry about that.
Joe:
Wait a minute. A cold laryngitis, that's all you have. Well come on, we're supposed to be transparent, like this is who we are. Like no holes bored, we pull back the curtain and show people what, what real relationship in this thing called life is really like.
Natalie:
That's right. Well, yeah, no, I have COVID.
Joe:
Natalie's got the vid.
Natalie:
But I am OK. I just have a bad cold. That's what I've had all week.
Joe:
She's got the vid. She's got cooties. Stay away.
Natalie:
Got cooties. Yeah, my family's been staying away from me.
Joe:
But I'm here about two feet from you.
Natalie:
You'll be fine 100 percent. Yes, so, um, yes, that's not what we're talking about.
Joe:
Yes, we're not here to talk about the vid.
Natalie:
No, not at all. Today we are talking about all you fabulous women that are out there that have an amazing life. You are a great catch, but you're wondering what's going on? Why am I still single?
Joe:
WTF.
Natalie:
Why am I still looking for love?
Joe:
Do you remember, when you were single at that point, what that was like for you?
Natalie:
Oh, my God, I kind of sucked. You know, listen, I was a great catch then, as I am still now.
Joe:
That's why I'm holding on to you. It's a great catch. I'm not letting go. It's like that prize fish.
Natalie:
I had a lot to offer, and I just could not find the one.
Joe:
And you know there's this myth that guys don't care and don't feel like that as well. And that's exactly how I felt. You know I was single. I worked hard. I, you know, I got my career. I, you know, I'm a doctor and I had my practice. I had great friends, wonderful, I had everything. Wonderful social life. I had everything, but I still felt like something was missing because I didn't have someone to share it with and and I truly wanted that. I wanted someone to have in my life to go and do things. You know I love to do things.
Natalie:
Yes, she does.
Joe:
You know, and you know from the very beginning, we would go to concerts, we would go to plays, we'd go into the city, Like I love doing that stuff and I loved having someone to do it with. You know. So there's myth out there that guys just want to get laid and that's all they care about. Yeah, that's an important part, but it's like a part, it's like a slice of pizza, it's like it's one slice of the pie, it's not the whole pie. And any guy who thinks that's what it's all about is just really emotionally immature or he's just got so much pain in his life where he feels unloved, or he's not worthy or not good enough that he's never dealt with. But we're talking about the guys who are mostly healthy, who can be great relationship partners. I think that's really what we want to talk about today.
Natalie:
Absolutely, and you know, I hear from a lot of women too oh, I don't need a man, I'm better off single. And it's like it's not about just needing a man or not being single. It's about having a true partner to share your life with, all the things like you just said about you know and having somebody to do things with, having somebody in your corner, having somebody there to support you, like these crazy few weeks we had.
Joe:
And just to Matt, and again I'm this isn't a testament for me at all, because there are a lot of women out there who have great guys and just loving committed partners, but just imagine what your life would be like the last two weeks if you didn't have someone to be there and support you and all your family members to all the shit that's happened.
Natalie:
Seriously, it would have been really, really hard. What I've been able to do it, yeah, I would have had to, but the point is I, you know, having somebody there to support me through that and to help me and to, you know, carry some of the burden, and the weight is just I can't even explain how valuable that is.
Joe:
I'm glad you touched on that because you know we hear a lot from you, know a lot of them, or some of the women in our community that you know I don't need a man, and I think that's great. I don't think you should ever need a man, like the only thing you really need is food, water and air, because without any of those things you will die. So those are the only three things that you absolutely need, because if you don't need them you'll, if you don't have them, you'll perish. No-transcript when I hear something I say I go yeah, but do you want one?
Joe:
And invariably, 100% of the time, it's the women who say they don't need a man. Basically, they're saying, well, I don't want a man because they don't understand what a true loving, committed partnership is. They've never really had that, and so I always tell those women it's like, well, what would you rather? Have no money or a million dollars? It's like, yeah, could you survive with no money? But yeah, wouldn't your life be a whole lot better with a million dollars? And invariably, what would be better?
Joe:
A healthy, committed partner who loves you, who is there for you, who can pick up the slack when you need it and who will love you the way you want it and deserve to be loved, or no one. Now I'm not here to tell you what to believe, because it's your journey, but if you're at that point in life where you may have convinced yourself that you don't need a man, I really invite you to look at that, because what are you missing out on by not having the right guy or the right partner? Because I think that's what we want to talk about today is really hit. There's a difference between having a partner I mean having a relationship or a life partner.
Joe:
And the way we see it is that we are partners for life.
Natalie:
Yes.
Joe:
And that's not just insane, it's not just because we have a marriage certificate, it's that we are truly committed to loving each other, supporting each other and being there for each other through this fucking crazy thing called life, which will throw stuff at you no matter who you are. But I think when you have that committed life partner who truly understands, it's not about me, it's not about you, it's about us, because everything that affects you affects me, everything that affects me affects you, and you have someone who understands that and who gets it. And they're like I always say, like being in the rowboat and you're both rowing, trying to get to the same direction. And it's a beautiful, beautiful thing. And that's really part of the reasons why we're here and why I believe we're on this earth is to help people find that kind of life partner and have it. Because I believe if you have a desire in your heart to have that, you are meant to have it. But you have free will and you will make choices and decisions, consciously or unconsciously, that will ultimately determine whether you get it or not. And whether you get it or not I don't believe is up to God, the universe or some higher power who's arbitrarily picking and choosing who gets love and who doesn't.
Joe:
Well, Mary, you're a wonderful person, you have a lot to offer, so you're gonna get a great guy and have this great relationship, great partnership. But, betty, sorry, you got the same things. You're a wonderful person, you got a lot to offer. You got a lot of love to give. But you know what, screw you, you don't get it Like that just doesn't make sense. But I think it's easy to put it on God. Well, it's God's will for it not to happen. I think God's going. You were meant to have it, but you have free will. I can't do it for you.
Natalie:
Right, I think, and saying that is kind of just an excuse to protect yourself from really being vulnerable, and saying, no, I'm lonely and that's okay. There's nothing wrong with wanting again, with wanting a life partner, with wanting someone to share your life with, but the difference is having a life partner as opposed to just being in a relationship, because how many people you know are in relationships? But of those people, how many are truly happy, right, like partners? Yeah, how many are truly like partners there?
Joe:
was a statistic I read several years ago. I don't know if it's still true. I'm not a big fan of statistics because they're all given through the inside of the person writing or declaring the statistics, but it came from a graduate student at the University of Minnesota who said that 85% of married couples admitted that they married the wrong person, so 50% wound up in divorce. But what's fascinating is 35% of the remaining 50% stayed in a marriage where they were truly unhappy with the person that they married and basically they settled. And I'm like you know what, and I was in a relationship that felt like that for a couple of years before I met this wonderful woman and I'm like, wow, I understand why people will stay in a relationship and settle, but what I've learned, and one of the reasons that I can say this with 100% certainty, is that you don't have to. You have to go and make the changes so that you will never settle. But ultimately, your relationship status, your love life, is a direct result of the choices and decisions and what you believe.
Natalie:
Absolutely. And it's sad when I hear women talking about how they hate their husbands and they're just miserable and their husbands do this and they don't do this and I don't even want to look at them and I don't even want to sleep in the same bed of it Like it's really sad to me that you're spending your life with somebody who you pretty much hate.
Joe:
And look, I'm not here to say I'll be the first to admit, there are a lot of my male brothers who are Cretans, who don't know how to respect the woman, who don't know how to treat a woman. So I'm not giving those guys a pass. But, like you said, is that ultimately it's a choice to stay with someone like that? And I don't believe, and especially after what I went through, no one should stay in a relationship where they are not being loved, honored and respected the way they deserve to be loved, honored and respected in their heart.
Natalie:
And yeah, and what I've noticed in a lot of the way these women are speaking about themselves and their husbands is there's like total lack of communication, like nobody's talking to each other, nobody's supporting each other, and that's one of the what you want to look for for a life partner, and not just a relationship.
Joe:
I mean we talk about that all the time. I mean we still, I mean, every day we communicate. We almost start every day with hey, what's going on? What are you, what are you going through, what are you dealing with? Because we all go through life and we all have our own stuff.
Joe:
Whether most people admit it or not, we all have our own stuff and a lot of it comes to fears and beliefs we have about the things we've experienced in life. And if we don't learn how to communicate about those things to our partner, who is there to love and support us, then I find that life just becomes much more of a struggle. But very often, just you know, it happens all the time where we're just sitting in my office and we're talking and I'm communicating to you and in the process of just simply speaking to you and like it's like oh, this is what I need to do, or you know what, this is what I feel, or this is my truth, and but just having you there in my presence allows me that space to open up to the possibilities of seeing or doing things in a different and better way.
Natalie:
It's nice to have that power. I give you absolutely and when you're, when you're truly communicating from a place of truth and honesty and vulnerability, that's going to happen and things are going to work out and you're going to help, you're going to find the answers together.
Joe:
Right. And so you know, one of the reasons we did this today is because you know if you are single and, like Nellie said, you know you're a great catch, you know you got a lot to offer. You're a wonderful mother, you're a wonderful daughter, you're a wonderful friend. Like you got your stuff together and just like you know well why can't I have it. It's like you got to like, do that deep mirror work, like what's going on. What's really stopping me and sometimes it's what we found is it's you're focusing on having a relationship partner instead of a life partner, because generally I see this all the time.
Joe:
I just want someone, I want someone to love, someone to love me, share, share my life with, and you go on a few dates and you find someone who appears to be that person and then you give your, give that guy your heart and your other body parts and next thing you know you're, you're in a relationship, but then somewhere down the road you learn that he's not the life partner that you want, and the reason that happened is because you jumped in way before you should have, and that was one thing when we dated, because of my experience and I was like, uh, uh, been there, done that.
Joe:
That was. My pattern is meet someone, go on a few dates, you know the next, you know I was in a relationship and then, invariably, somewhere down the road, realize that this isn't the person, this isn't the right person, this isn't the partner I want to share my life with, or they realize that and they took off. But it's really. You know, it was one of those like aha moments. For me is like wait a minute, I don't. I don't want a relationship partner, I want a life partner. And that realization led me to realize I had to do some things different.
Natalie:
Yeah, yeah, no, definitely. And that's this, you know, one of the things that I felt. It's like, you know, I saw friends in relationships that really weren't very happy and I knew that I didn't want that for myself. And it's somebody that I can not only love, but somebody who I can respect and who I can trust, who I can be vulnerable, be vulnerable with, and someone that I can just share the not only the ups of life, but the downs to.
Joe:
Yeah, well, you know, and that was a lesson.
Joe:
Of course, I learned with my parents because my dad got sick and he developed cancer and my mother would be there, take him to the doctors, take him to the hospital, run back, take us to you know practice, take us to school, like. And she was like running around like a chicken with her headshot and she was 100% committed to him the relationship, the marriage and our family. And we had friends and family members who were going through their stuff and, instead of working together and being committed, it like drove their marriage apart and, you know, cause the guy to have an affair. And it's like like here my dad's dying of cancer and you know that that's it, but they got some stupid shit going on and he's going to check out and run an affair. And you know, that guy is what I would call a boy, but that's not.
Joe:
That's not a true life partner. You know, a true life partner is a guy who says you know what? I get it. This is tough, let's buckle up. What do we need to do? And at that point you know, if you're my partner, what do I need to do to love and support you and help you get through it? Because that's what a partner does, like there's no doubt, there's no second guessing, there's no questioning, it's just, this is how it is. This is what partners do.
Natalie:
Yeah, and you want that partner who's gonna also be with you and support you and understand where you are at this stage of life, because a lot of things change in midlife. You know, and you know you're gonna have stuff that you're dealing with, he's gonna have stuff that he's dealing with, and you just want to make sure you're on the same page and you're supporting each other, not how you think they should be, how it truly is, and just to have that honest, open relationship.
Joe:
Yeah, I think again that's to circle back around to that the difference between a life partner. Life partner knows who's gonna happen. He's seen it with his parents. He's seen it with his friends, colleagues. He's not a stupid person. He gets that. You know they're gonna be tough times, but he's not scared of it, he's not afraid of it. He's not that selfish. That's like you know what. Well, you know this stuff isn't working for me, so I gotta check out. I just want to have fun. Like it's like. Life sometimes is not fun, it's just the reality of it.
Natalie:
Oh, that's so true.
Joe:
But you know the true life partners understand that they get it and it's like all right. Well, what do we need to do to get through this challenging time? And I can say with 100% certainty all the times that weren't fun, that kind of sucked, have actually caused us to grow closer. Yes, grow stronger as a couple and make our love grow stronger.
Natalie:
Yeah, and that's how you know you are in a true life partnership, because that's what's gonna happen when there's adversity and there's challenges and there's struggles you will grow closer.
Joe:
And that doesn't mean that you know you don't have moments where it's like you know what. You have human moments of fear or doubt, or frustration or anger, like I think that's human, but then as partners, you're able to talk about it, you're able to deal with it or you learn on yourself.
Joe:
This is something that I have to deal with because it's affecting my marriage or my partnership or whatever it may be, and I can. That's what I think healthy partners do is they understand and they know themselves and they know when they can communicate and get through something or when you know what. I'm not equipped to do this, I need some help, and that could be just going out and having dinner with a friend. You have a good friend of mine where you know we don't see each other regularly, but if there's stuff going on it's like hey, you know what? What are you doing? Can you get together? And we'll just get together and we'll be there for each other. And I think you know those are true friendships and having that person to help you through the tough times, because we all do that.
Joe:
And we all need it.
Natalie:
Right, and here's the thing too you know we talk about having that life partner that's going to be with you through the struggles and the adversity. But you also want that person that you is fun to be with, you laugh, you love being together, you love doing things together. You know you hold hands still when you're walking in the mall or even when you're sitting on the couch watching TV, like it's all that good stuff too.
Joe:
Yeah, well, I think again a life partner is. Is it's about the whole? Thing right it's about creating the life that you truly desire as a couple, and it's it's like I've always said if you don't enjoy being with each other, what the fuck are you? Why are you together, like if? If you don't enjoy having this other person in your life, then why are you with them? Like you said earlier, you know people. Like you know, I can't stand my spouse and I want them to touch me. I'm like, oh my God.
Joe:
Yeah, I hear that a lot why would you want to be in a relationship with someone that you?
Natalie:
can't stand. It's it's really. You know, it's heartbreaking when I hear things like that and comments like that it does. It breaks my heart because, as a woman, I just again. It just breaks my heart. I don't even know what to say.
Joe:
It makes me speechless, I don't know, and I think life is too precious to spend it with people, whether whoever it is, who don't value you, who don't appreciate you, who don't love you, respect you, who don't add to your life. And I think when we create those healthy boundaries and say, no, I love myself enough. So great lesson I learned from my ex I love myself enough not to allow you to steal my joy If you're not enhancing my life and making my life better. I look at it like icing on the cake. My job is to be the best cake I can be. But not only is the icing on my cake, because I can only be so good and the icing just makes it that much better.
Joe:
Yes, and so she's pretty good icing, but that's the way I kind of see it and I think that's the way I invite you to look at it as well. Is you gotta be a good cake on yourself by yourself, but then the guy, the partner, is just the icing. That just takes it to a completely different level. Like we were saying earlier, all the things you get to do and experience by having the right life partner in your life, that's the icing, that's the beautiful, wonderful stuff, and you can't have it. Without the right life partner, you're gonna be a still have a cake and be a good cake, but it won't be a great cake. And why not create a great cake?
Natalie:
Absolutely so. One of the things we wanna ask you is kind of look back at your past relationships and obviously it was not your life partner, because you're not still together. So what was missing? What did you settle? What things did you settle on? What was missing? What wasn't there? What did you want more of? And start thinking about so you know what you want in a future relationship.
Joe:
And have you been focusing on finding the relationship partner versus the life partner and, if so, what do you need to do to change that focus and to make those changes that will allow you to find the life partner that you desire and we believe you deserve?
Natalie:
Absolutely, and yeah, we want you to. Whatever you come up with, why don't you share that with us? And reach out. We're here to help. I mean, this is some of the things we do with our clients actually. So reach out our emails are down in the show notes and all our information to get in touch with us. What do you have to say, joe? I say I think we've covered it all.
Joe:
So if you're listening to this and you're at that point where you know, as Nellie said, you're a great catch, you know you got a lot to offer and it just hasn't been working, just start with asking yourself this one question why, what have I been doing that has been making it harder? It's not to blame yourself, but just that one question can really start to lead you down the road where you will find the life partner and you will find the solutions. And, as Nellie said, if you're struggling, just reach out. You know, if you have a question or you need some feedback, whatever it may be, just reach out and we'll do whatever we can to support you.
Natalie:
Yep, we are always here and thank you so much for listening. Have a great week.
Joe:
All right, we'd love to appreciate it. We'll see you next week Bye.