Detaching From Toxic Relationships: The Key To A Happier You

Have you ever braved the moment to cut ties with someone draining your energy? This episode is your guide to reclaiming your happiness by purging toxicity from your life.

 We dive deep into the courage required to pull the trigger on toxic relationships and why it's vital to prioritize your own mental and emotional well-being. Throughout the conversation, we navigate through the murky waters of negative relationships, be they with friends or family, and share strategies for detaching with love. It's about striking that balance between caring for others and carrying their burdens—a dance of self-preservation and compassion.

Understanding the profound impact that others have on our journey, we tackle the tough topics: setting boundaries, the art of emotional disengagement, and when to take a step back from loved ones mired in negativity. 

Our discussion is not just about removing the negative influences but also about fostering an environment where you can thrive and exponentially improve your life. 

No guests this time around, just us—giving you the raw, real talk on managing negativity and toxic relationships. By the end of our heart-to-heart, you'll be equipped with the tools to not just survive but flourish amidst life's challenges.

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Feel free to contact us with any questions/comments you may have about this episode via email at Joe@thelovementors.com or Natalie@thelovementors.com.

You can also send us a DM and follow us on Instagram @the.lovementors or reach out in our Facebook Group - Manifesting Love in Midlife. We can also be found on YouTube - @JoeandNat.

We always love to hear from you! Be Blessed!

Transcript

Joe: 0:02

This is Joe.

Nat: 0:03

And this is Nat and you're listening to the Getting Better With Age podcast to show that helps you navigate midlife challenges and turn them into opportunities to grow and evolve into a happier, healthier and more empowered you.

Joe: 0:15

And remember, getting older doesn't mean that the best years have to be behind you. We believe, like a fine wine, you and your life can get better with age, and we're here to show you exactly how to do that.

Nat: 0:26

So grab a glass of vino, kick off your shoes and join us in discovering how to make the next chapter of your life the best one yet.

Joe: 0:36

Hello everyone. It's Joe and it's Nat. Welcome back to another episode of Getting Better With Age. What up, wifey?

Nat: 0:43

Oh, nothing much how you doing.

Joe: 0:45

Oh, I'm doing a little better. Still bad on this freaking vid.

Nat: 0:48

Well, yeah, it's almost gone.

Joe: 0:49

Yeah, thank God, it's kind of, you know, just can't wait to get this stuff out of my body. I'm kind of speaking about getting rid of toxicity. I think it's a great topic for today. So because, again, it's the beginning of this is our second episode of the year and I think it's really important. You know, we talk about where do we want to be at. You know, December 31st 2024, you know, really looking about where we want to be at that stage in our life and I think most of us want to be. We want more, we want to be happier, we want to be healthier.

Joe: 1:25

More financial success, you know, in a relationship where we want bigger, better, faster kind of right, and I think part of that is we want to be happier. I think, really, if we get at the core, we want these things because if we believe, if we get these things, we'll be happier. But I think I think in order to do that, you got to let go of some stuff, you have to make some changes, you might have to leave some things, and that's kind of what we want to talk about today is the importance of eliminating toxic people from your life.

Joe: 1:57

Ooh, that's a loaded one Now some of you, just like man, I got a family of toxic people and that might be the case for you. Maybe you're in a job where your boss is very toxic or your coworkers are very toxic. You know work with several members who are teachers, several clients who are teachers and teachers. Today. A lot of them are in very toxic environments because of all the changes and the fear and everybody is worried about being sued and all the rules that are being put on these teachers and they're afraid they can't discipline anymore because of what's going to happen.

Nat: 2:30

Climate.

Joe: 2:31

Right, and it becomes a very, very toxic environment. So what we're going to talk about today is the importance of eliminating toxicity from your life and how to do it in a way that you don't come across as like you're better than anybody, or you're a jerk or you're a BITCH, because I know a lot of individuals think about well, if I, you know, tell this person to f off you know they're going to think badly of me and I hope one of the things that you get from this episode is that eliminating toxic people from your life is really a form of self love.

Joe: 3:09

Yes, it's loving yourself enough to say you know what I'm sorry. I cannot allow you and your negativity to impact me and my life any further. And if you can get to that place, there's so much power in that, there's so much growth and there's so much happiness on the other side of that.

Nat: 3:30

Yeah, and you know it's not about telling someone to f off it could be. Well, yes, it could be.

Joe: 3:36

But ideally you don't want to go there unless you have to.

Nat: 3:38

Right. It's about kind of releasing that person or people with love, in a sense that they're on their journey and they'll figure their own stuff out, whatever's causing them to be so negative and so toxic. That's stuff that they have to deal with, but it shouldn't be piled onto you to cause your life to become then toxic or negative or whatever. So it's kind of just releasing them and knowing that you're doing it for them because they need to deal with their stuff and not throw on me.

Joe: 4:14

Right and I think that's really important to emphasize is that this isn't about getting rid of everyone and anyone who you know who says something negative in your life. It's, it's, you know. Think of it like energy. Right, you're playing in an energy pool and your energy pool is clear. Right, it's like that water down in the Caribbean when somebody comes in and all of a sudden they start bringing negative energy and it starts making your pool cloudy and it changes the temperature and it just doesn't feel good.

Joe: 4:49

So one of the things that I've learned in my journey is that very often, as you grow and you are committed to being a better you, what happens when there's an energy mismatch? One of two things usually happens is the relationship will just naturally fall apart. I mean, we've all had friends, that people in our lives that we were friends and we were really good friends with, who were good people. But on our journeys we just kind of went separate ways. There was no fighting, there was no argument, there was no catalyst to say you know what, I'm done with you, you're done with me. It was just. You know, there's that old expression people in your life for reason, season or lifetime and it's those are the people usually in your season, for in your life, for a season they were there from one period of time and just you were meant to go in a different direction, and so so were they. So that's usually the first thing I have.

Joe: 5:36

What is the second thing that happens is something will happen. There will be a, a catalyst that events where something will happen and now all of a sudden, you're coming to blows and it's like you know what, if you, if you know, you know what I'm done with this, I'm done with you, I can't go on any further. And there will be an event that happens in your life. We're just like you know, this relationship isn't serving me anymore, I got to go, or that other person will see the same thing. So sometimes, eliminating toxicity and toxic people in your life, the universe will just guide you and help you along.

Joe: 6:13

What we're going to talk about today is when you are in an environment where you feel you have to put up with the toxic behavior or you feel, if you just you know you love and support someone and you're just there with them because you know they've been through a hard time that you think your love and support is going to turn them from being toxic to being healthy, to being loving, to being a better, whatever it may be, and I think it's really important to differentiate between the two. And how do you remove yourself in a way when that person is toxic and they're bringing you down?

Nat: 6:48

Yeah, and I think that you know, a lot of times the universe will kind of do that for you. It's like if you know something happens, you go through a really rough time and you need your friends, let's say there for you, and then there are those that just can't handle it and I just can't deal with this and that and they leave. You know, you kind of know and learn who your true friends really are when you go through tough times.

Joe: 7:15

Right, and that's kind of that. Those are the lifetime people, those are those are your. You know, I call them the ride or die people.

Nat: 7:20

The ones that stay with you, but then the ones that don't. You know, they're the ones that they rid themselves.

Joe: 7:26

Yeah Well, that's kind of what I said earlier is they'll kind of, you know, eliminate themselves from the picture, so you don't have to do anything. What we're talking about now is those individuals, let's say like family members, because I'm sure there's some there's a couple of people listen to this that have toxic family members in their life, and it's those are the individuals like sometimes you even dread being in their presence. It's like oh God, or the phone rings and you see their numbers, like oh my God, what they're going to do is complain. And you know, especially, you know, for some of us who have older parents.

Joe: 7:58

You know I say it's very common, you know it happens a little with our parents, especially my mom. And then you know I have friends who they're just like, you know my mom, the older she gets, she's just nasty and angry, and I think there's reasons for that. As people age, and I think they get to the end of their life, they look back and they're just not happy inside and instead of dealing with that and getting help for what they're feeling, they just ignore it and then it just manifests itself in anger. So I think, but again, if that person is choosing to be angry and they're calling you up and they're just dumping on you and then they're upsetting you like how do you deal with that? Right, that's really the key.

Nat: 8:47

Yeah, it's tough, especially, like Joe said, like with aging parents. You know they're not doing it on purpose, they're not creating purposefully toxicity in your life, but they're just so angry for stuff that they haven't dealt with all their lives. And again you know, like Joe said, they're getting to the end of their lives. So what do you do? I think the best thing in that case is just to come from a place of love and, you know, deal with them in a way that I understand what you're dealing with right now. And you know, but you kind of have to remove yourself a little bit. You're not going to cut them off, but just kind of remove yourself from the situation. You know, if they call and you know they're going to start, you know I'm really busy, I can't talk right now or you know something like that.

Nat: 9:29

Maybe you won't, you know, if you go visit them and it starts, it's like you know, I really can't stay longer. You got to go. It's kind of removing yourself from the situation.

Joe: 9:37

Well, I call it emotionally checking out, where it's like okay, and that's the way I see it, right, and you know, you know, I love my mom, she was great, but she's at that age where she can, you know, get a little negative and focus on the negativity and harp on the negativity over and over and tell you the same negative story about the same negative person over and over and I'm just like I really don't want to hear it and it's like. So at that point it's like okay, if that's what you choose, that's cool, like it's your journey. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I just don't want to hear it. So in that moment sometimes I'll just say, hey, you know what?

Joe: 10:13

look, if that's what you want to talk about, great, but I'm going to leave because I don't want our time together to be focused on negativity and who did what and with who, and all that. Like to me it's a waste of time, it's a waste of energy. Or just sometimes like, hey, knock it off. Like you know what you know, why do you care? And then I'll just shine the light of truth, have a conversation like you know. Why are you giving this so much energy? And if she chooses like, all right, well, that's your journey. If that's what you choose to do, it's just I don't want to part of it, I don't want to play. So it's like you want to come into my pool and you want to cloud my pool and bring your negativity. Well, then I get to decide I want to get up and get out of the break. I don't want, I don't want to swim with this negativity and I think a lot of us, especially in the beginning, we take that negativity personally.

Nat: 11:00

Yeah, I was going to say that.

Joe: 11:02

And it's like you know. You know, why are you doing this? Why are you saying that? And you know, and don't you know? I got enough stuff to deal with it and why are you dumping this on me? And I got my own problems and I got my own stuff. And it's like they're not doing it to you, like you say that they're on there, that's just who they're being, for whatever reason. And I think where it really creates the tension in your life is resisting.

Joe: 11:25

Yes their negativity, and so what I like to do is I like to raise okay, you want to be negative? Cool, Fine, knock yourself out. Let me know what that works for you.

Nat: 11:34

Right, and it's just listening and not letting it affect you. Like Joe said, just move on. It's like, okay, this is what happened, this is what you said, it's not my problem, I don't, it's nothing I need to deal with. Let me just move on with my life and not let that affect me.

Joe: 11:49

Yeah, you know I've said this on many other of our podcasts is that you know, one of my favorite phrases is care, don't carry. And it's like you know, I love the people who are in my life, that I have relationships with, and I care and I will do anything for anybody that I love. But if they start bringing me down, you know I look at it as them drowning. You know I will do whatever I can to save them, to be there for them, to make their life easier, better, when I can. But if they start bringing me down and now, all of a sudden, I'm going to drown in your negativity or your crap, it's like oops, sorry, I got to let you go. And if you got, if you drown, well, that's on you because you chose that. You know.

Joe: 12:27

I think understanding everybody has free will, whether they're aware of it or not, and some people who are negative or toxic don't even realize that they're making a choice. Now I know some of you are going to say, well, I'm just trying to make them see how negative they are. They don't want to see it. What you have to understand is being negative on in some way there's a payoff to them, you know. Just look at the world that we live in. There's a lot of negative going social media. There's a lot of negativity there, and yet nobody's seeing the line going. Oh wow, look at all these negative people. I'm going to be different.

Joe: 13:03

You know, there's probably a small percentage of you, but most people just feeding into it, right, and they're chiming in and they're giving their opinion and they're going back telling the other person how to think, how to act, what to say, how to dress, and it's like who the fuck are you? It's their life. If that's what they choose to do, whether we agree with it or not, it's their life. They are responsible for their choices and decisions, just like we are responsible for our choices and decision. So getting caught up in somebody's toxicity is just going to make you toxic. It's going to make you negative. And like I got to the point in my life like I just got tired of being negative trying to combat other people's negativity. So I'm like, all right, go go, do you? I'm going to go play somewhere else.

Nat: 13:46

Yeah, and you know, if it's somebody that you know you've had a relationship with for a long time and I don't mean a romantic relationship, like a friendship or whatever, a family member that you're close to and they're becoming negative and they're becoming toxic, it's like that's where you come from love, like I said before, and you want to sit down and have a conversation with them and not to change them, not to say you have to be positive. It's like you know this. Just be honest, be true to yourself. This negativity is now affecting me and I can't have this in my life, so maybe it's best if we kind of just part ways for a while.

Joe: 14:23

Yeah, it's, you know. I think where we go wrong is we try and tell people like, don't be negative, Right when it's their life, it's. They have free will. If they choose to be negative, then that's on them, but you have free will as well. You can make the choice, as Natalie said, to say hey, you know what? I understand you're upset. I understand that you're negative. I understand this bothering you. But you know what? Here's how I feel is.

Joe: 14:49

Sitting and listening to this and taking this on when you're not doing anything about it is now causing me to feel a certain way, and I don't want to feel like that. So if you want to continue to do that, which is your free will, then I'm going to get up and I'm going to leave or I'm going to end this relation, whatever it may be. So I think it's it's really important to understand that they have a choice, and so do you, and you don't have to put up with their toxicity. Now I know some of you go yeah, but I'm married to a toxic person, or you know I'm related to a toxic person, or I work for a toxic person. Yes, you do you. Those may all be true, but nobody is putting a gun to your head saying you have to stay in a relationship with that person or, as now they said, that doesn't mean that if they're a family member, you say you know, I'm done with you the rest of my life.

Joe: 15:37

I mean, if people are really that toxic, yeah well, I don't believe that, because you come from the same gene pool, that you have to put up with somebody else's shit. I just don't believe that. I think if somebody is so toxic and they have no compassion, no empathy, no care for how you feel and how their thoughts, words or actions affect you, then you have every right to go. Sorry, we may come from the same gene pool, but I want no part of you. But I don't think most people are like that, and so it's a matter of having that conversation where you're getting to your truth and saying this is what works for me and I'm eliminating this toxicity because it's just not good for me.

Joe: 16:19

You know, I'm a firm believer that a lot of cancers are due to unresolved, deep, unresolved emotional issues, especially anger, repressed anger, which is usually hurt. You know people who have really been hurt. That emotion manifests as repressed anger and that anger is just so toxic. I have two family members that I am 100% convinced died because of their repressed anger. Yeah, you said that.

Nat: 16:48

Yeah and not just not just cancer but any kind of you know, we've talked about this before any kind of physical ailment, back pain, excruciating back pain. That has a lot to do with you know, how you feel and the things you're dealing with the stress, the toxicity, the negativity in your life. So you know you want to get rid of all that because you don't want it to affect you physically, you don't want it to harm you, right.

Joe: 17:15

And I think the key is you know we were alluding to is that you know, don't go into victim mode, like well you know what?

Joe: 17:22

I have to put up with this behavior? No, you really don't. Now you may say you know what? I'm married to this really toxic guy, or I'm in a relationship with this toxic guy and you know what? I'm afraid to leave, because if I leave I'm going to be alone, or whatever it may be, and then realize that you are making a choice. You are choosing to settle, you are choosing to put with the toxicity and the toxic person. But now, even if you do that, it's like they no longer have the power for your happiness. It's like you know, hey, this is on me, I'm choosing to do this. I'm basically choosing to settle by keeping this toxic person in my life when I don't really want to or I feel I have to. But now you're at the truth. And I think that's so important is to get to your truth and not say, ok, well, this person is toxic, I have to put up with it. When you really don't.

Nat: 18:15

Yeah, and you know, I know a lot of people are saying, a lot of you are saying well, that's easier said than done. And it's like, if you're in that time, that type of situation where you feel that way, maybe it's time to get help from external sources, maybe talk to somebody a counselor, a relative to counsel American, whatever.

Joe: 18:32

I love that. You said that. You know well, that's not easy. Who the fuck ever said it's supposed to be easy?

Joe: 18:38

I have found in my journey the most, the toughest things to do, the toughest choices or decisions, or the ones that led to the greatest growth, the greatest happiness, the greatest joy. Like you know, there's one of my favorite expressions sometimes you got to give up the good to go for the great. And you know, sometimes you got to let go of the crap. You know, I know there are a lot of you who have been in toxic relationships and you let go of those relationships and you probably struggled for a while and then, several months after you've ended it, you're like, why, why didn't I do that sooner? Right, because you realize that how staying in that toxic relationship was really affecting you, your life and your happiness. But once you pulled the trigger, you found the courage, you found the strength to eliminate that toxicity because you just couldn't take it anymore. That's when you set yourself free and then you get on the other side of that like, oh wow, this is so much better. I should have done that a long time ago.

Nat: 19:38

Yeah, exactly, and once it's done, like Joseph, it'll be so freeing. It's like, like you said, why didn't I do that so long ago? So yeah, I mean, you know it's going to happen in life.

Nat: 19:52

We all have toxic people in our lives and we have, you see, toxicity everywhere, and the big one is social media. I've unfollowed so many people social media because of negativity, like, oh my God, you know, and sometimes you have to really think about what's causing someone to be so toxic, what's happening in their life for them to be so negative and you know, it's sad in a way, because there's probably so much stuff that they need to deal with, but they don't even know.

Joe: 20:20

Yeah, I think that's a great topic for another day.

Nat: 20:22

That's another episode.

Joe: 20:23

Because I agree 100%, you know, because I would be the first judgemental like what the fuck's wrong with that?

Joe: 20:27

Why are they acting like that? But at this point in my journey I realized that there's something going on in them and I learned that hurt people, hurt people, yep. And so most toxic people are doing it just because they're hurt and they've never dealt with their hurt, because they never knew how to deal with it, or they're afraid to deal with it. And you know that's one of the reasons why we do this podcast. So here's a little homework for you Take a little inventory of the toxicity in your life, and whether it's your job, whether it's family members, it's friends, and just seeing okay, is there anything you can do to eliminate it, or how could you deal with it in a way that it doesn't affect you and your life? Negativity, because sometimes, as we're saying is that you don't have to walk away, but there's things you can do to manage your own emotions, your own stuff, so that you don't allow that negativity to eat at you and affect your life adversely.

Nat: 21:29

Yeah, definitely. So, yeah, take a look at what's going on, you know. Hopefully you can get rid of some toxic people or have that conversation with them.

Joe: 21:38

And remember eliminating toxicity from your life is the greatest form of self-love. Oh, definitely All right, we love and appreciate you.

Nat: 21:46

We'll see you next week. Bye-bye.