36. When Her Leap-For-Two Fell Through, She Did It Anyway

Annet and her partner of nearly ten years planned to leap together. Then, she shares, "the whole plan crumbled," but she decided to do it by herself anyway. Annet's story takes us from a small village in Estonia to big city corporate burnout, to creating portable income and a trip around the world, to healing heartache. And talking to her reminded me how often hardship can spur on the biggest, most positive changes in our lives, if we let it.

Follow Annet's journey on IG @AnnetMuru. And find the other podcast episodes referenced here!

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Annet Muru - Audio

Annet Muru: [00:00:00]

Life Leaps Podcast: Welcome to Life Leaps Podcast, here inspiring stories of ordinary people who made extraordinary life changes. What drove them, what almost held them back, insights for the rest of us considering life leaps, big or small, because hearing someone else do it reminds us that we can too.

Happy Wednesday, everyone. Today, we're with Annette Mourou. Annette and her partner of nearly 10 years planned to leap together. Then she shares the whole plan crumbled, but she decided to do it by herself anyways.

Annette's story takes us from a small village in Estonia, to big city corporate burnout, to creating portable income and a trip around the world, to healing heartache. And talking to her reminded me how often hardship can spur on the biggest, most positive changes in our lives, if we let it.

But quickly, speaking of positive changes, I do want to also shout out some of the listener feedback I [00:01:00] got after last week's episode, where I invited you to share your latest leaps, goals, or steps in the right direction in your lives. Jocelyn in Atlanta wrote, I told my boss I wanted to leave. It'll be a longer timeline, but now he knows.

Sarah in Spain says, I've booked a training. I've been putting off forever, which I think will be my first step toward finally testing entrepreneurship. Yikes. Oh, her yikes. Not mine. Like I'm not scared for you, Sarah. You've got this. And Anna in DC says, I decided it was time to find child care for my toddler.

I love my kid, but I can't do it alone anymore. I feel you. finally, Sean in Ohio says, I sat down with my partner to get our finances in sync. It's been too long and feels like such a minefield, but we're never going to be able to scale back work, book vacations to be with our kids, or have the kind of financial freedom and independence we need to make life leaps [00:02:00] until we pull off the band aid and get our ish together with money.

Woe, yes, and no. to all the things and way to manifest action over motion for more on what I mean by action versus motion. By the way, I stole that from Adam clear, but I do talk about how his book atomic habits can help us in making life changes. in our last episode, episode 34.

So, uh, check that out. But also please keep these updates coming. I want to form a community here and if you have wins or woes for me or want to be on the podcast yourself, reach out In that vein, by popular demand, a lot of you voted on Instagram last week, what types of leaps you wanted to hear more of, and that is moms and families, plus anyone who tested entrepreneurship, whether side hustle or full on.

So I will be on the lookout for all of those and finding more amazing guests for you to continue that streak. Okay, that's it. Back to Annette. As usual, we'll get to know her a bit and then she will guide us through her journey and lessons [00:03:00] learned.

Life Leaps Podcast: OkayI like to first ask, where are you from or where did you grow up?

Annet Muru: I am from Estonia, a country that not many people know about. It's a very small country, in Europe. And I even started thinking how to introduce the country.

Life Leaps Podcast: And I realized something interesting about Estonia, and that Estonia is mostly known for being very digital society. It's also called e Estonia. We vote online, we use most of the public services digitally, we sign digitally, everything.

So people have an impression that We spend a lot of time behind our computers, but actually at the same time Estonians are very close to the nature. So half of the land in Estonia is covered with forest, which also makes our air very clean. And

fun fact, more than 60% of Estonians believe that trees have soul. So we are more of a. We have [00:04:00] more of a nature religion we're a forest nation, so there are very, two very distinct sides of Estonia the digital side and the nature closeness.

So if someone wants to read more about it, then they can Google Estonia. Wow. Okay. And did you grow up in like a small town, urban life? Where was your space in Estonia? Yeah, I'm from a very small I wouldn't say village but yeah, from a very small place. I spent most of my weekends, my summers at my grandparents hotel in the countryside, like dealing with animals.

Feeding cows and pigs. So I'm from a very small place. And but at some point I, I moved to the city when I went to the, when I went to high school. But yeah I would rather say that I'm a countryside girl. Yeah, going, spinning through high school in a place. That really shapes you. That must have been a [00:05:00] big change to go from a, to move period in high school, but also to move such different settings.

Yeah, absolutely. But I think I'm the middle child of the family. The stereotypes, the rebellious one, and I think it holds true because I've always been restless. I would say I want to try something new, something exciting, something challenging. So changing schools and changing country, changing cities is I would say very natural to me because I am always trying to find something new and exciting.

So it starts early for you. at some point I know you moved to Denmark. Yes. So I did my bachelor degree in Estonia. and I went for my master's studies to Denmark. I studied marketing and my master's degree was specifically about marketing and business innovation

And I should say, Annette, Talking about where you grew up in this very forest [00:06:00] surrounded or forest filled and colder place where are you right now? Where am I? Where are you sitting during our interview as I look at your face over this video recording app?

Where are you at the moment? So I'm in Vietnam right now. Okay. Very warm outside. Yeah, I'm very far away from home. You're a far cry from home and yes, we'll get there.

I just thought it's interesting and important to point out. Okay.

so I know that when you were in Denmark, that was at least 10 years plus ago and you're in your thirties now, You met a fellow Estonian.

Yeah, ironically, I moved abroad, and then I met a Estonian guy there. Actually, someone I knew before from the same city, actually from the same school. We even went to the same college. Oh my gosh. Did you know each other in college? We very briefly knew each other because the city I lived in, it [00:07:00] had 100, 000 inhabitants.

We know the faces and it turned out we moved to Denmark at the same time as well. And actually it was basically. Rather at the end of the studies when we just like out of nowhere, he asked are you also in Denmark? And I was like, what do you mean also in Denmark?

It turned out he went to study there. And and the story was like, I'll just briefly open it the whole meeting. He was done with his studies. And he was about to move back to Estonia. So he just came to Denmark to pick up his last stuff there, like boxes and everything. And then he just came to visit me on the way to the airport.

And I still say jokes on him. Because then like after a few months, he moved back to Denmark because of me. He thought he was headed home. He was almost out of the country. So he returned. Wow. Okay. [00:08:00] Okay.

What happens next?

I still had to finish my studies. He was working, so we lived relatively everyday life and at some point he went back to Estonia and we had a long distance relationship and, Like any other relationship, obviously we had our ups and downs. There were times when we took some time off and things like this.

And then we got back together. You're in your twenties after all aren't you supposed to be doing all that? Not that we can't do it now. After, I lived in Denmark close to five years. I moved to Estonia, and then even though we had some time off sometimes, we were always in each other's lives it was a very long relationship.

So I started my new life back at home in Estonia. I was working in IT sector and so we just proceeded our relationship in Estonia when I was back. Okay. So you both go back

You're working in [00:09:00] like a corporate type setting. So it was new because I had always worked in marketing, but I hadn't worked in IT sector and it's very fast paced a lot of hours. And it was mostly due to my own lack of boundaries.

Let's say I overworked a lot. I had very long hours at the office because I always felt I had to do more. It was the times when your friends and family starts to Saying that, you should take it more easy. And although I would never wish anyone to go through that I also feel looking back that I, in a way had to go through that to believe it.

That, I had I burned out twice pretty bad in a way that both of the times I ended up at a hospitalSo the whole. Work started yeah, started having a very bad influence on my mental and physical health. So it was very fast paced life. I was [00:10:00] very focused on my career, working a lot, didn't have enough time for my family, also my partner sometimes.

So I I think I got pretty lost in the whole, career bubble. So years went by very fast. I was like mostly focusing and focusing on work and like the next day I think I remember it was already COVID. So I would say years went really fast.

Wow. And how many years was it between when you came back to Estonia, got lost in this bubble and then as you say, COVID hit, which I think ushered in a new era for you, but how long were you in that? Just hustle grind space. so I was away in Denmark close to five years and I came back and then five years went by so quickly.

And and after right after COVID, I would say 2021, 2022, I was like, I gave a promise for myself that there's not going to be a third. [00:11:00] burnout. So I started thinking whether I should change something in my life. This is really intense. And it's a part I didn't know. I knew you'd gone through cycles of feeling burnout and I knew ultimately you decided you needed to make a change, but I didn't know what it took.

Or what you had been pushed to, you had pushed yourself to, a little bit of both, to get to that point. where you were so ill from the stress of working that you had to go to the hospital. Yeah, like I, yeah, both of the times. Yeah. I, let's say I had yeah, two minor surgeries even because at some point, after a long period of stress, your body has to give you a signal somehow.

So some of the organs stop functioning, I think I needed to be hit really hard because I didn't listen to my family, my friends, I didn't listen to anyone. So my body was just like, hold on, I'll show you, it's really bad.

Okay. [00:12:00] So what did you decide at that point when you were saying there's not going to be a third time? Did you know what that was going to look like? Or you just knew it wasn't going to look like how it's looking right now? I wasn't sure. And it's very easy to get or get stuck in this comfort zone.

And I went, when I say comfort zone, Working hard can also be a comfort zone. You're just used to it. It's just, continue hustling. And I remember very well, like when and where it happened. I had a holiday in Spain in Canary Islands. I went to Tenerife for two weeks. I hadn't had a Two week holiday for a while, but I do remember I was very excited about it,

I've always been such a fan of Spain, the whole like CS mentality there. And there I was like sitting behind my computer, I still had to work still doing some things. And And I kept saying, it cannot continue like this.

I have to end it somehow. [00:13:00] But I knew when I go back home, you'll get used to it. You'll be like, I have a good job. I have a good income. I think it's really that bad. So it's very easy to go and get settled again. So I actually decided I, I returned home with this huge energy that I got from Spain, and I went straight to my boss and said that I'm going to leave in three months.

so you can start looking for someone new, so I wouldn't get used to the whole environment and get settled again, because it happens every time that, things are not that bad, but I was like, I have to make this decision As soon as I come back and I know that I have to change something.

Wow. So you announced three months in advance. Basically you came back from this trip and you're like, I'm going to get cold feet. This always happens. I'm going to go in. I'm announcing my intention to the world, or at least my boss, which that's a risk. Couldn't the boss just have fired you like in the U [00:14:00] S for sure.

No. Yeah. Not fired yet. They were rather happy that I told them. the advanced notice. Yeah. Long time in advance. Yeah. Yeah. But it was rather, I do agree with you. I like how you said it, that I basically, I shouted it out to the world because it also made me stick. With the decision but I think the hardest part was I do say I didn't have a plan.

I knew that I have to change something. Obviously I didn't have a plan coming back from the trip, but I was like, I'll let my boss know and then I'll figure out the plan. But I think the hardest part was actually answering the constant questions by other people. So what is the plan? What are you going to do?

How can we live like this? And I was always like, I don't know. I'll figure it out. It's the best for me right now, and you never know, like these questions might come from a place of insecurity or even jealousy sometimes, or maybe people wish they could [00:15:00] do it as well, or maybe they like honestly mean the best for me.

But at some point, I felt like I even stopped talking about it. Because I got so tired of this so what is the plan? Where are you gonna go? And I just told them, I don't know, maybe I'll move to Spain. But yeah, after a while I was like, I'll just live quietly because I didn't have the answers. And I really felt everyone wanted Grand plan from me, but I was rather like, I'll trust the universe.

I'll see how it goes. Everything will work out. So it was actually a weirdly hard time saying that that I'm leaving without a plan because other people had a bigger issue with it than I did. I can relate to that actually. I feel like when we were moving to Spain, it was more upsetting to some people in my life that we didn't know where we were going to stay when we first arrived, or we didn't know, where we were going to live at that time, like our lack of like planning and logistics.

Tended to upset and stress out others [00:16:00] more than it stresses us out in the moment. And that becomes its own kind of stress. Yeah, absolutely. Interesting. Okay. So you've now hinted maybe I'll move to Spain. We all know you did in fact move to Spain. What happened? You do flee back to the place that gave you the original, initial inspiration.

Not to the Canary Islands of Spain, but elsewhere in Spain. What happened? Yeah. There's actually a long way before that as well, because I just dove into my career talks, I had a relationship. What else to talk about? I was going to let you mention it. So I did quit my job and I started Freelancing a bit in marketing not many hours, just enough to survive.

And I took the summer off basically in the bigger career sense, like I was freelancing a bit. And then we discussed this whole thing with my boyfriend that what is the next [00:17:00] plan? And he actually, he always had a dream of living in Norway. Because of the nature, the mountains, the forest, everything like we, we had visited Norway before, but like for him, it was much bigger than that.

This is my dream to live there at least a bit. And then, you have to manage just everything. You have to shout it out to the universe. Right after that he got a job offer from Norway and I was obviously, it would be a saying that it would be ridiculous if you don't take it. I was fully supporting it.

You have to do it. We just talked about it, that it's your dream. You have to take that job. We'll figure it out, whatever comes, just take the job and, fly to Norway. So he did. And to the northern part of Norway, like way up there where, you can see northern lights and everything. So he went to work there and after a while I, I [00:18:00] went there as well, like just to, at first to visit him, but I stayed there for one and a half months.

It was amazing. And then the whole polar night started when it's like 24, seven dark, but at least you're lining or yeah. Or the green lining is the Northern lights. At first, I was just going around and gasping. And after a while, they were just going to the grocery store and I like, Oh,

It was such a nice adventure, but I knew that it's not a place for me to actually live in. So we agreed that he's going to continue with the work because it was supposed to last for like maximum a year. And that was totally fine. I was like, I'll go back to Estonia and I'll wait for you and I can visit anytime.

And then I went home for Christmas and I started thinking. Wait, if he's chasing his dream there, I might as well chase mine, because I had a job that allowed me [00:19:00] to work remotely. I didn't have to stay in Estonia, and I knew I'm waiting anyway.

And I started thinking, I've always wanted to go to Spain. Even When I was still in Denmark and before I got hired back to Estonia, I was actually considering moving to Spain.

So I think once again, the universe came knocking at my door, you forgot to follow one of your dreams. And I started thinking And I, one of my friends told me about this platform work away.

Basically you go help some people, family to do whatever it can be a farm job, it can be babysitting, it can be language teaching, whatever. And then they provide you accommodation and food for it. So I just started. Looking through this and I was pretty sure that it's only Mostly like farm jobs and since I had to work behind my computer.

I wanted to make sure I have Internet [00:20:00] connection. I have a desk to work work at. And then I realized there's everything. And I started checking Spain and specifically Southern Spain. For some reason, I had never been to Andalusia, but I was like, I feel like this is a place for me. And I found a family who was looking for someone.

to teach their five year old son some English. And I contacted them. I had no idea how it works. I was just like, I'll try. I'll just write to them. And they seemed like the kind of family I would really like. And actually they replied really quickly. And next thing I knew I bought a flight ticket to Spain.

Wow. Yeah. So you go. So yeah, it was very quick because I So it was one way ticket. I had no idea how long I'm going to stay. I just had agreed with this family that I'm going to come there. It was [00:21:00] a small coastal town called Conil de la Frontera. And we agreed that I'm going to stay at least a few months.

And I started packing up my life. I didn't have a big plan. I knew There was a general plan. There was a plan of going to Spain to see whether I like it, if it's going to work out. If not, I'll just go back home. As I said, some people felt that I have to have a very specific plan, but I was just like, what can go wrong?

It's just a one flight, two ways. Yeah, and in, in February, 2020, Oh, what is the year? 2023. Three. Yeah. Yeah, February 23. A year ago. I packed my suitcase and I flew to Spain. And when you think about it, within Europe, we couldn't have gone any further from each other with my boyfriend because he was in Norway.

And I went to Southern Spain. So [00:22:00] The southernmost place of mainland Europe, so we went so far away from each other, but we were always supporting each other. It worked well. He came to visit me in Spain. We spent some time together. So everything worked fine because we both knew it's like our thing. We're gonna do our dream.

And the general plan was like, When he's done with work, we're going to get together and we're going to go travel the world together. So everything was good because we knew there was a deadline, the separation will be over soon. And then we're going to travel the world together because both are saving up for it.

And And it made it easier to know that it's not forever. It's gonna soon end. Okay. So two questions on that before we even jump into the Spain adventure. Number one, you switched over from a full time working job where you work for somebody else. You said you started doing freelance work. So obviously the money component.

It's a [00:23:00] big part of all this because people talk about the mental blocks and the social blocks and those are very real, but there's also like the nuts and bolts of like, how do I earn a living? And so it seems like you had two pieces of that puzzle. One was the work away. Someone else is covering your room and board in exchange for this.

I believe it's five hours, roughly a day of volunteer work and, or it's volunteer in exchange for a portion of board. And so you've got that covered and then you've got the rest of the hours of the day to do your other job, which is actually giving you money, but in terms of the other job, What was it like even transitioning over?

That's a really big deal for some people. That could be a podcast in and of itself. And I know that's not our big focus here today, but it's a big component of it. Like, how did you start doing the thing where you got clients and decided you were going to be your own boss and, had this portable source of income that you could carry around the world?

Yeah, so it went organically in the [00:24:00] sense that at first the plan was just to help with one project over the course of the summer. And then, the project continued. As I said I didn't have many work hours. I mostly had savings. So I did have, I had saved up for traveling. And that's why I also mentioned that I started looking into this work away that I wanted to find affordable way to go to Spain because I cannot just move there, I cannot just move to Barcelona and rent an apartment.

I don't have that much money. So that's why I started looking into that. And then it turned out, I was thinking at first that I'm just going to use my savings. I'm going to see how long I'm going to last, but then it turned out that, the work continued. It wasn't. That much, but it was still like, let's say two, three hours a day in addition to the five hours of day that I helped the family with.

It was a lot about time management, [00:25:00] discipline, self-discipline. Because you help the family, especially when it involves kids. It takes a lot of energy and then you turns out Yeah, you're telling me. Yeah. And then you have to figure out when to do your actually paid work as well.

But it did work out and the family that hosted me was very supportive regarding this. They were always saying that we can build a day around your work schedule. and luckily it wasn't like full time job.

Later I got more clients. It got a bit yeah, it got a bit hustling, but at first it worked fine because I didn't work that much. It was just more about the time management and self discipline. And sometimes I just had to take a weekend to do the work things. And these are clients that are these clients in Estonia that you're doing social media and marketing for, are they your former employer?

Are they just friends? Like, how is this? Yeah, they're from Estonia. They're and [00:26:00] it's always true connection somehow. So someone knows someone and someone recommends someone. They're not my former employers, but I was recommended to someone. And then. Yeah. And then now I have a few clients I'm helping with market.

Managing their marketing, social media stuff. Okay. Businesses and stuff. Okay. All right. And I guess you can do that from anywhere. Okay. So you're in Spain, you're living with this family. You're pulling in some income enough along with your savings and having no rent and obviously food costs for most of it.

And. I don't even know how to transition to this. You move into my house. I guess we're going to share that part. The best part. Yeah. Which was also like a sign from the universe. The whole. Think how we met online. Let's say it this way. We met online. Yeah. I should say, so we have hosted work [00:27:00] awares, which I don't know if anyone remembers me and Juan's early podcast updates where we say we need childcare.

We're freaking out. And then we're like, Oh, we found childcare. Annette never leave us. This is the same Annette. It's her. It's me. Hi. So Annette was watching Luca and lived with us for six months. She made the journey with us to the United States, which you hear about another podcast update we did when we got booted from Spain temporarily.

And This is how she came into our lives. And so anyway, when this, I was already doing this podcast at the time, and I was always thinking gosh, that would be a really great, interesting interview and we never got around to it. And then so many things have happened on her journey since. We, you were with us obviously in the recent months that it really just became okay, when are we doing this interview?

More of not a question of if, but when. So yes, so I, she lived with us here in Malaga. We were a part of your [00:28:00] journey and I'll shut up and you can share how that led, one thing led to another, like I live with this crazy family, whatever. Yeah, I feel like everything I've said so far has been just an introduction to get to the part that I moved in with you guys.

The best part. Yeah. So yeah I finished with the previous family because actually the family was from China and their kids had never been to China. So they wanted to take their small kids to China so they would learn the country, the culture, the language. So I stayed with them for two months and then I was thinking, okay, is that it, or should I just look around where else to go?

And at some point I just decided that I'll go by the coastline of Spain and, check out the next families. And there were several families who contact me, contacted me to work away. I was in touch with [00:29:00] some and until. I ended up moving to Malaga to take care of you.

Stole you away from the other families. We were like, don't go there. Yeah. Yes. Yes. I'm sorry, other families, but So yeah. I love it. Okay. Yeah. So you're with us for six glorious months. You're working, you're caring for our crazy kid and like it or not, you're part of our crazy journey because again, we're at a time when we're applying for our visa, we don't know if we're going to get it I don't know if you knew you were signing up for all that.

We didn't know we, or you were signing up for all that. But again, you came with us to the US, you came back and I remember, hearing of course about this significant relationship that was in the background of your life and you talking about cause we were like, please stay, don't leave, stay after September, which is when Luca was going to start school of this year.

I guess September of a couple months ago, last year or whatever. And you were like I can't, we have these plans where [00:30:00] our, his year in Norway is ending. And yes, some things are up in the air, but our plan is still to reunite, to be together, and we're going to travel the world.

And of course we were so sad to leave you, but so excited for you. And We had the chance to meet him. We all spent some time here together in Spain right before you all, when we got back in, cause we were admitted back in the country. In fact, I still have the welcome home sign. You made me on my wall behind me here.

I haven't taken it down. Six months old. Yes, absolutely. Which either means you're amazing. We need other decorations or both, but mostly you're amazing. So yeah, you guys went. You took off and when we said goodbye to you back at the end of September or beginning of October or whenever It was seeing the two of you off on your long awaited Adventure around the world and I know things so yeah kicked off and I obviously know at some point [00:31:00] Things a really big part of that changed for both of you Yeah, when I look back, time really flew by because I said in February, I moved to Spain.

Then I came to your place. And then actually in the summer, He decided that he's done with the job in Norway. So he returned a bit earlier than planned. And then it just happened that I had left to the USA with you guys.

So I was like, I'm so sorry, now you have to wait. I just have to get back to Europe. But it was still all good. I was like, it's good, I'm going to visit my family. You do your trip to the States. And then and then he's going to come to Spain and we're going to start our adventure. And this is how it went.

So we all returned to Europe. He joined us in Malaga. We spent some time with you guys. And at first we [00:32:00] did a small travel. We did some traveling around Europe also Morocco first and then Europe. And the plan was always to travel further. And we discussed to go to Asia together. But then when we got together, I think we hadn't had some very Deep and meaningful discussions about the future.

And although our relationship was very strong, despite the whole long distance and everything, I felt we were really there for each other supporting the dreams and everything we made it work really well. But

things change, plans change and people evolve their dreams change. And we had some discussions that set the future of our relationship or rather it's ending because it turned out we wanted different things from our life together. [00:33:00] And it really hits hard because by then we had been together for nine years.

As I said, ups and downs and it was a pretty bizarre feeling when two people deeply love each other, but also know that this relationship doesn't have a future because we both knew it. It was just some differences in the way we saw the future that we couldn't overcome.

You do have to answer this, but was a big part, was a part of it. Yeah. Just you ultimately wanting kids Yeah. Yes.

Annet Muru: we actually. Couldn't catch on the same page regarding the future with kids. So this uncertainty at this point was kind of a deal breaker when it comes to continuing the relationship.

Life Leaps Podcast: We talked long [00:34:00] about it, but we always came to the same conclusion. And we knew that.

Even the love that we have for each other won't help us overcome this, because at some point we have to deal with this discussion anyway. Even if we postpone it right now and we decide we're going to travel the world together, at some point we're gonna have to talk about it again. So we were, we had just traveled to Portugal, Croatia, Slovenia, and we ended up in Austria.

And it was just this moment when

Annet Muru: we were in Vienna in an Airbnb and he just bought a flight ticket back home. And I was just thinking, What to do, because it would have been so much easier for me to just return either to Spain or go back home because everything

Life Leaps Podcast: kind of, you know,

Annet Muru: crumbled the whole plan.[00:35:00]

But at that moment, my only thought was, I'm going to do it anyway. I'm going to fly to Asia alone and have my own eat, pray, love.

Life Leaps Podcast: So, so I just bought the ticket to Bali. One week, , ahead and, , he bought his tickets to Estonia and we said our goodbye in Austria. We hugged. As I said, it was very bizarre.

Um, we both just said, I love you and said bye. And I was off to travel 11, 000 kilometers away.

I feel like that moment deserves a pause and a breath. You know, the way.

That you talk about it now is with a lot of [00:36:00] reflection, equanimity, like perspective, perhaps, whatever. And I'm wondering it must have felt a lot more raw. At the time, you know, when I went through the emotions again. Um, absolutely.

I don't even know. I tried to look back and think about the feeling. Of or what was going on in my head or what was I thinking, or did I actually consider going home or going back to Spain or for some reason, all I can remember, I was like I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna not go. That was the plan. I always felt that was the plan.

It doesn't go the way we wanted it to go. And I think I just trusted the process. [00:37:00] Sounds such a cliche. But, although they say, if you're set and done, I felt this moment, it was easier done than said, I just bought this ticket. I just started going, basically convincing my brain that this is the right way.

I'm going to figure it out along the way which I did. And I think. That's how it worked. I just started moving. I just started taking action, and then my brain basically came along with it, that, okay, so this is what we're doing. Let's go. Do you think you were in shock? Was this a Slow and obviously nobody can unpack nine years of relationship, nor is that the point right now on this little podcast, but I'm just curious to this moment in your life was this sort of a slow build issue where.

like maybe you knew it was coming and maybe you were in denial. or was this just a [00:38:00] total and complete shock? they say that like in times of trauma, sometimes we can't even fully really remember what we said, what we did, what happened.

Annet Muru: And maybe the ending of this was or wasn't a trauma for you, like it comes in different Forms It definitely was. And I would say even if maybe subconsciously I saw it coming, I don't know, maybe I didn't, but it was still a shock. Because I do remember, obviously first it took me, basically two months in Bali to even understand what happened. When I look back now, it's all kind of hazy, but actually Before this interview, I went through my diary.

when I moved to Bali, I started, journaling, every day, to help me process my emotions and my feelings. And basically every day I wrote down or described this lack of focus and constant confusion. And I also, I just flipped through the [00:39:00] pages and I expected, so when is this big explosion coming?

And it actually never did. I kept describing this constant confusion all the time. and I guess it just at some point started fading. So there was no like climax or some big explosion of me just like,surrendering.

it was just like basically one and a half months of constant confusion.

Life Leaps Podcast: You were in a haze and it slowly lifted. Yeah. It probably continues to.

Annet Muru: In a way, for sure.

Life Leaps Podcast: But yeah, I, it was hard to understand that this is the reality now and it was never about whether I'll make it alone. Am I independent enough? Cause I am, I knew it was more like. Okay, what now? There was a person in my life for nine years, almost a quarter of my life, and now he's not [00:40:00] what should I do now?

How does it work? So I do remember this very clearly that it was mostly this confusion of what should I do now? Or how does it go on from this? What kind of actions did I take? I just didn't know how to approach this. So it was, at first it was just a lot of confusion, which probably came with the shock.

And was there a moment for you that you can remember that like you got at least a little bit of clarity? about what you're saying, which is, I'm not going home. I'm going to continue on this adventure that he and I were going to do together. Was there any one moment for you that like, that became clear to you or you just can't even trace where the thought came from?

I feel that I just made all these decisions. On the go. I just bought this ticket. I went to Bali for a few months. It was a lot of self reflection, a lot [00:41:00] of learning to spend time with myself, a lot of aloneness, and I never had a plan how long I'm going to stay there. If I'm going to go back home, that maybe it's just a few months.

I'll get over the whole initial shock. Maybe I'll go home. So I actually never thought about it, which is now interesting to think back to I had this visa for two months and I never thought what's going to happen after that. So I just focused at first, the first month, then I'll focus on the next month.

I started reading a lot of books. I even. I even asked AI, like, how to get over a breakup. So it's at QVC, I helped make this together a plan. I love it. I love it. I love it. You really did. This is Eat, Pray, Love with AI. This is. Yeah, it was it was actually, yeah, that was the fun part, but it did help me a lot to set my schedules, to do all the things that I [00:42:00] love and everything.

But yeah, at first there was like constant confusion, lack of focus. I first mentioned aloneness, but at some point the aloneness became loneliness. But at the same time, I didn't feel like socializing. I still felt like I have to feel all my feelings. I have to go through this and I'm not ready to, find friends yet.

Obviously friends help you go through hard times, but I was just thinking, I'm not ready for this yet. That's what I first talked to. Get to the basis with myself and then maybe I'll start socializing.

I did lean on my friends back home. My friends supported me so well. I think the distance really makes the heart go fonder, grow fonder. But The whole aloneness. At first, it also felt a little uncomfortable and in being, so I learned how to become comfortable. I had never been alone for that long, just like alone, like not talking to [00:43:00] basically anyone, just focusing on myself, spending most of the days alone, and I think I just.

Learned how to be me, what I truly like, what I don't. And just try to remind myself all the time that take all the time you need. You can't just expect to move on with your life. Like nothing happened. Even when you're on paradise Island, it's still a breakup and you still have to go through all your feelings.

So before. I even came to the decision of what's gonna happen next. I'm not gonna fly back home. What I'm gonna do. And my friends who currently live in Australia wrote to me that, Hey, you're so close by, which they were in a sense. And they invited me to visit them for Christmas, which was amazing because my big fear was also spending Christmas alone.

So, without any. Particular [00:44:00] planning, I just ended up buying a flight ticket to Australia. The initial plan was to go there for Christmas.

And then once again, think what's next. And I think from there, I realized already. Okay. So I started in Indonesia, I went to Australia and it felt very natural to check the next countries in Southeast Asia. So honestly, there was not like very deep analysis or planning or. thinking through what's next. It just felt okay, now I'm gonna buy the next ticket.

I'm going to go to the next country. And it just turned into a, solo traveling in Southeast Asia. Have there been moments when it's felt like wow, what am I doing? I should just turn back or how acutely I miss having this person who was supposed to be by my side right now.

You literally went on and stayed in a place in Bali for [00:45:00] two months that the two of you were supposed to be in together. And not only did you do that, but you didn't know anybody else there. You didn't want to know anybody else there, and it was just you. This is an intense experience.

I don't know that I've spent an entire day truly alone, not talking to anyone by myself. I don't know how many of us actually have and I'm certain you battled your own low points and demons and whatever there, but you didn't turn back. And you've said in the beginning, it wasn't a choice.

You just started acting and trusting that the feelings would come. Is that how it's been? What? Has it stayed that way? I think so, yeah. So the whole Yspre Lávin Ballet, how I call it, was just taking some time for myself. As I said, it was very hard. I hadn't been alone for so long, but I started reading a lot.

I was starting to reflect a lot feeling my feelings, as I said learn a lot about myself. So in a [00:46:00] way, I I looked at it as an opportunity because remember the beginning of our interview? I never had the time. I always work. I don't, I can't remember when was the last time that I actually looked into myself in this way.

So although it came in a very hard way, I was just thinking, it's necessary for me. So I'll take the best out of the bad experience I just had. I don't want to call it bad experience, but just hard experience. And I'll just take the best of it because I don't think I've never spent that much time with myself, learned so much about myself.

There's also this environment where we live in, whether it's Estonia or Spain, that Influences you and now I was just like, okay, I was in Bali, but as I said I was mostly aloneSo I had finally some time to think what I actually like, who am I, what I don't [00:47:00] like.

It was a hard time and I felt a lot of loneliness mostly in the sense that I always knew that, my friends and family are there just to call and text away. But I had this feeling that I'm sitting by the pool, reading a book and I kept thinking, Oh, I wish my friends are just sitting next to me, drinking a beer and I could, about my day or something.

So it was just this companionship that I was missing. So even when I wasn't together with my boyfriend in Spain, I was always together with you, with Luca. And suddenly it was just like, I have to. I feel all of this time and space myself, which is just a very new experience for me. Okay. So Bali to Australia to, I think at one point, the Philippines to Vietnam to somewhere else to back to Vietnam.

I don't even know what you've been doing, but you've made the rounds since that time. You have not stopped. You're still in Side [00:48:00] hustling, I don't know if it's called a side hustle, it's your main hustle, but it's enough for you to get by. You're still working, earning money, and you're still doing it.

You're still on the journey. And I think my, like many people don't even know how this whole thing started. And now when they listen to this podcast, they will know that the whole thing was like, I'll go to Spain for a few months. If it doesn't work out, I'll go back home. That was the initial plan.

And as of now, I left home 13 months ago, I visited 15 countries. And it's just, It sounds ridiculous, but it just happened . And I'm just trying to do now I'm just embracing the whole thing. I also feel like I already traveled here to Asia. I'm gonna stick around, experience it as much as I can.

But it is funny to think that, That wasn't even the plan. That was just how to call it, how to put it. It was [00:49:00] an escape from breakup. I'll just go to Bali, I'll see what happens, I'll find my peace and then maybe I'll go back home.

And it then just continued and, it still continues and now I'm just totally embracing this new life. It's just funny to look back at yeah, life has just pushed me forward in a way. Annette, what's next?

I am going to go home for the summer, turned out for a work project. It's going to be I don't know if it's the right word. I haven't been home for a long time. So it's going to be interesting to adjust to the life in Estonia. and then after the summer, I will see, because it's funny to think that Southeast Asia has become a home.

So my heart will always stay here. Bye. I am now hungry for more. So it might happen that after the summer in Estonia, I [00:50:00] might go to South America, maybe, or somewhere else. So it feels like I'm, Not ready to settle down if it's the right word to use.

I got hungrier. I'm gonna go home. I'm gonna spend some time with my friends and family. And I feel I, I wanna continue doing this. Now, it's gonna be more intentional this time. But you're not done yet. I'm not done yet, yeah.

I actually have one question that I meant to ask you too, Anna. Yeah. When you all had your breakup and you were like about to go to Bali or deciding what to do, were other trusted people in your life, friends, family, maybe really well meaning loving people telling you that like you should come home

because I think what often happens is yes There's this societal current of what we should be doing that we have to fight against and deal with and yes There are the naysayers, but I think [00:51:00] All the more often, or just as often, and very importantly, there are the really well meaning voices of those who love us and are close to us and really want the best for us, but maybe what they're saying isn't the best for us.

and we have to decide that, and that's the hardest.

because we're wired to want approval and love. And we're in relationship with these people for a reason. It's really hard to hear their perceptions of their concerns and limitations that they see for us. And so I'm wondering if you felt that.

Annet Muru: So I had never thought about it. And now I don't know whether I did it intentionally or unintentionally, but actually I left the close ones totally out of the equation.

I told my close ones after I had bought the ticket and I was already basically on my way. I just briefly mentioned that we broke up and I'm going [00:52:00] alone. And I always said, we'll talk further, at some point. but yeah, I actually didn't even. tell anyone when I was still making the decision.

And then when I already arrived in Asia and I talked with more people about it, then everyone supported me, obviously I had already got to you

Life Leaps Podcast: already there.

Annet Muru: But, yeah, it's a very good question, because I hadn't even realized that,

I totally left it out of the equation in this sense. When I made the decision, I was just like, I'm going to go and, I'm going to explain it later.

Life Leaps Podcast: This reminds me of two episodes I did early on in this podcast, and it was at that time that it actually surprised me hearing the answers, but now I've heard it more often and it makes a lot of sense.

I remember like episode one. I'm making up numbers. I have no idea what it was with Chamo and with another person named Rosie who went Chamo moved across, looked across the world and [00:53:00] Rosie went from being an employee to an entrepreneur as a mom of young kids. And I remember Chamo saying I don't tell anyone.

Before I make a jump, because I don't, it was almost like in a superstitious way, but I think what he was feeling was similar to what you're saying is you have to protect yourself from other influence at this early stage, maybe it's protection, maybe it's, and Rosie said it also quite artfully.

She was like, your tiny little seed of an idea, you have to protect that with everything you have, especially in its early stages. Or even like a wind can swipe that thing away, Like you have to be very careful with who and where you share that thing. And it sounds like maybe consciously or not, that's how you were feeling and reacting.

Annet Muru: Yeah. Because I don't think, I honestly don't think I even thought about it maybe I was subconsciously afraid that someone's going to convince me to go home, but I never even thought [00:54:00] about it.

I was like, I'll make the best decision for myself and then I'll deal with the consequences.

Life Leaps Podcast: And maybe if you hadn't done that, you wouldn't be where you are now.

Annet Muru: Exactly. Exactly.

Okay, final lightning round.

Life Leaps Podcast: Is there anything that you, wish you'd known or would tell your former, even six months ago, self today?

Yes.

I have always. I've always been an over thinker and planning a lot, thinking what other people think. I would remind myself that don't be afraid of failing because, failures are just unexpected lessons in disguise.

And the main thing that I want to tell myself, like the younger self, the future self, the current self is do it for you. That if I feel something is [00:55:00] good for me, then I should do it at the same time. When someone feels that everyone's backpacking around the world and I should do it as well, I don't feel it isn't, it's not for me, then you shouldn't do it.

Just always. Do it for you. It even comes to small things like sightseeing. When I've been traveling, I've had this huge pressure of seeing as much as I can. How can I fly to Malaysia Kuala Lumpur and not see everything the city has to offer? But I kept thinking about it, like from someone else's perspective, or, What you upload to Instagram or something like this.

So I keep reminding myself do it for you. If you feel like going somewhere and just sitting in bed and watching Netflix, it's also fine. And another thing is just to think that the quality of our lives is. Significantly [00:56:00] influenced by the company we keep. So I tried to make a conscious effort to build connections that inspire me to make me achieve my best and remind me of the joy of the future and everything.

I just realized I can choose people the same way I choose destinations. So no one should feel that they have to spend time with someone. So I have tried to critically evaluate who I'm spending time with so I could keep myself happy and joyful regarding everything.

I love that. Yeah. Trust your compass because you can't be sitting around following everyone else's and make sure you're surrounding yourself with people whose compasses feel good for yours. Don't scramble your whose signals don't scramble your own, whatever the, we're done with the metaphors.

Yeah. But I like it. [00:57:00] actually one thing that I just recently, I think just a week ago, I was thinking about that. I started before saying that I keep overthinking, overanalyzing, it's very hard for me to make decisions. And when you're traveling, you have to make a lot of decisions all the time, constantly.

Where are you going to go? Where are you going to stay? And one thing I've learned and I try to remember is that it's much more important what happens after a decision. That there has been so many decisions that at some point, I just started picking one and sticking to it, and it's more about what I'm going to do now, because no one knows if it's the right decision,

No one knows where to go, but I'm going to just pick one. and do it. It's much more important what I'm going to do next, how I'm going to make it work.

You make the call and just trust and know that you'll figure it out from there. And that [00:58:00] part is so much more important.

There's actually one more thing

Annet Muru: So you have noticed that I've mentioned several times, the universe brings me this and the universe helps me that, , I do trust the universe and I'm, I feel I'm very open to it now after traveling so much, but I, I also feel, I remember I had this.

Revelation I was climbing on top of a volcano in Bali and it was this sunrise hike. We, went in the middle of the night, we got up there. It was this amazing sunrise. Everything was so colorful. And then we climbed down and I remember so clearly

I kept just thinking that I can't believe that this is the life I've built for myself. By taking courageous leaps of faith and trusting life and, um, I am my own hero and I deserve it all. So I also want to encourage other people as well, especially [00:59:00] women. To pat themselves on the shoulder and actually say that, you know, this is what I built for myself because it might have started from something that I couldn't control, something that pushed me somewhere, but I owned it.

I built my life around it and I still can't believe I did it and I'm loving every day of my life. Wow. Wow.

Life Leaps Podcast: Thank you all for being here. We're a brand new podcast, so if you enjoyed it, go ahead and follow, rate, and review us in your podcast app so that we can know what you liked and others can find us. It would mean a lot. Last, but not least, we'll keep you posted on brand new episodes each week when you follow us on Facebook or Instagram at, you guessed it, Life Leaps Podcast.

Till next time.

Life Leaps Podcast

36. When Her Leap-For-Two Fell Through, She Did It Anyway

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