Do people always put forth their best effort? This episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn begins with Angella sharing a personal story about selling her son's car and the complications that arose when the buyer delayed payment. It sparked a compelling debate between her and Leslie about whether people genuinely do their best or if skepticism is warranted. With candor and humor, they navigate the murky waters of trust, human behavior, intentions and accountability.
Is striving for excellence always necessary, or is good enough sometimes good enough? Through passionate anecdotes and societal observations, they explore what it means to put forth one's best effort and when it's okay to be intentionally just ‘adequate’. From parenting moments to career commitments, they explore the situations that truly warrant one's full attention. The "rubber or glass" analogy, for example, helped them reflect on the events and tasks that may have lasting impact versus those that one can bounce back from with minimal effect.
Angella and Leslie recognize that forgiveness and belief in people's best intentions are not merely abstract concepts rather they may be emotional landmines. Ange recounted the experience of unblocking someone she had previously cut off, choosing to offer grace rather than condemnation.
In closing, The Besties posit that time will likely reveal the true nature of someone's efforts (or lack thereof). They decide that it may be better to be less judgmental and choose to acknowledge a better side of human behavior.
This episode and all previous episodes are available on YouTube. Please join our Besties Quad Squad as a Patreon subscriber at the $5 or $10 monthly level. You'll receive exclusive behind-the-scenes content.
Do people always put forth their best effort? This episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn begins with Angella sharing a personal story about selling her son's car and the complications that arose when the buyer delayed payment. It sparked a compelling debate between her and Leslie about whether people genuinely do their best or if skepticism is warranted. With candor and humor, they navigate the murky waters of trust, human behavior, intentions and accountability.
Is striving for excellence always necessary, or is good enough sometimes good enough? Through passionate anecdotes and societal observations, they explore what it means to put forth one's best effort and when it's okay to be intentionally just ‘adequate’. From parenting moments to career commitments, they explore the situations that truly warrant one's full attention. The "rubber or glass" analogy, for example, helped them reflect on the events and tasks that may have lasting impact versus those that one can bounce back from with minimal effect.
Angella and Leslie recognize that forgiveness and belief in people's best intentions are not merely abstract concepts rather they may be emotional landmines. Ange recounted the experience of unblocking someone she had previously cut off, choosing to offer grace rather than condemnation.
In closing, The Besties posit that time will likely reveal the true nature of someone's efforts (or lack thereof). They decide that it may be better to be less judgmental and choose to acknowledge a better side of human behavior.
This episode and all previous episodes are available on YouTube. Please join our Besties Quad Squad as a Patreon subscriber at the $5 or $10 monthly level. You'll receive exclusive behind-the-scenes content.
I'm doing just great. Wait a minute, listen, we're going to tell the truth. So we were maybe how long it? Maybe five, seven minutes in and Les was like, yeah, that would be so great if we had recorded this episode.
Speaker 1:
We might want to start recording this episode. So anyway, welcome to another episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn, a recorded episode this time. Yes, brooklyn, hey, aren't you glad I caught it.
Speaker 2:
I am so glad you caught it and you didn't miss very much, but it was basically we had the setup of what we're going to talk about today and how we came to talk about this. So some stuff happened and I was talking to Leslie about it and I said you know, les, I think you know, for the most part, people do the best they can do. And I'm like, no, no, I think you know, for the most part, people do the best they can do. And I'm like no, no, no, she did not agree. Wait a minute, stop talking. We need to record this. We need to record this because I want to prove to her that more people believe in my point of view, and I'm sure she wants to do the same because she's a competitive soul.
Speaker 1:
Oh, you know, I love a challenge, so this is going to be a challenge and it might be that we're. It seems like we're on two different sides of this issue, but we might be, closer than we think.
Speaker 2:
There's probably some middle ground, but based on your response when I said that, not so much. So we're going to try to avoid using names, but we are going to be really honest about situations that have come up that made us feel this way?
Speaker 1:
Yeah, but if you think we're talking about you, we might be, we might be, but but we'll never admit to it.
Speaker 2:
We're not. We're not. Don't this song ain't about you, because you're so vague You're so vague you probably think the song is about you. You're so, you're so vague. I bet you think your song is about you, don't you? Don't you Cut, cut.
Speaker 1:
So I blurred my background because I'm at work and I'm actually in the call room, so there's nothing going on behind me for real. So I just wanted to make it look a little less like a bed behind me and a computer and a microwave and all of that. Right, okay, go.
Speaker 2:
So something significant even happened, since we decided to record this that leslie has no idea and just like stop talking, let's start recording.
Speaker 1:
So how did?
Speaker 2:
this start. Let's go to the beginning. Well, it started because, um, I'm in I a situation came up. I just came back from la um and um portland oregon, from LA and Portland Oregon, visiting my two sons, and before I left, at the beginning of the month, I sold. I did the paperwork to sell something of my sons and in the paperwork I indicated I think we can say what it is- Because that's a significant part of it.
Speaker 2:
No, maybe we're not using any names we're going to see and we won't give the license plate of the something that was sold.
Speaker 1:
Okay.
Speaker 2:
So he had made arrangements to sell his car and the person never showed up. And so the following day someone in my vicinity expressed an interest in the car and before I left because I didn't want it to, just someone wanted slash, needed the car. Um, I was going to be away for almost two weeks so I'm like, let me just pull the paperwork together. So before I started my trip I pulled the paperwork together and got a witness and did all the stuff and signed it, and I knew that the um payment was going to be delayed for a few days two days and so I put that in an addendum and all the stuff and I went on my trip and left the key and I had given the person a test drive. So anyway, that was all done and it's now been-.
Speaker 1:
Did the patient pay you for the car before you went?
Speaker 2:
No, because, and they said that they wouldn't have it until two days later. Ok, it was on a Saturday that money would be paid. What the deadline was and how to um electronically transfer the money to me, and so on.
Speaker 1:
And when you said paperwork, what is this? Some kind of written contract or something?
Speaker 2:
Of course the contract signing over the title, um, you know, uh, a bill of sale, full thing, and again we had a witness and all of that. So it would have been really convenient to have that, because I spent a lot of money trying to get, not trying. I spent a lot of money getting my son, who just moved to the West Coast, set up in his new apartment with furniture and all that stuff. So it would have been really nice to have um and at one point I you know it's one thing to not have the money, but the communication kind of stopped between um myself and I'm holding it in, between myself and the buyer. They explained why it was late for the first few days.
Speaker 1:
You had to call them or they reached out to you with the explanation.
Speaker 2:
I think they reached out to me Very communicative for the first day or two and then it stopped and the money never came.
Speaker 1:
So it's been over 15 days later.
Speaker 2:
So it's not quite 15 days. So maybe nine days later. Two weeks, no, but they were supposed to do it two days after I left and it's not a full two weeks. Tomorrow we'll make it two weeks. Anyway, don't argue with me.
Speaker 1:
Anyway, this is the person in your car, for free.
Speaker 2:
With the gangsta lead. Yeah, Gangsta lead. So you know I had a range of emotions around this, but once I knew that I wasn't going to get it in the time that I needed it.
Speaker 2:
I'm like, look, let someone have access to a car that they needed. I believe that I'm going to get it right. I don't know when, and I'd like to know when. Um, it would have been nice to, even if the answer was I wasn't going to have it for two weeks or a month. It would have been nice to to have been told that.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, yeah, because you could be checking your bank account every day, right, you know, for spending an extra, buying an extra chair or whatever the case may be, it is money, right.
Speaker 2:
It is yes, right it is yes, and for some reason I don't know this person well, but I trust that I'm going to get it.
Speaker 1:
Well, I think also you trust the world like I do, that the right things are going to happen, yeah.
Speaker 2:
And not in a gullible way, but in a look at the end of the day, if this person is trying their best and here it comes. If this person is trying their best, we're all in situations, have found ourselves in situations where, despite our best efforts, we're not able to show up in the way that we would want you keep saying that, and I'm jumping in right now because I don't believe that people put their best foot forward.
Speaker 1:
I don't think that people try their best efforts, and because you and I and some other people in our circle have a history of behaving according to our excellence and we put our best foot forward and we try our hardest and we reach out to people, you know we make our best effort. I would even say that I don't think most people do. I don't even think most people do. What happened? Who hurt you? I think I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:
You know I have this book. It's entitled. It's really a good book. Actually. Good enough is good enough. Okay, and I really think that people and we are so used to mediocrity that people habitually do not put their best effort forward Okay, and I think that we start living and behaving in this middle ground, okay. So when you say I believe she's likely doing her best, I don't think so, because not that this person is not a nice person or honest person or whatever, but I don't think that people expect that it's required. I see, you know, I don't think that people think that their best is required. So so, good enough is, in fact, good enough.
Speaker 2:
Right, right, I, I Maybe, maybe, and I maybe, maybe. It is partially what my faith teaches me, and that is that what is yours is yours. You know what, what is, what is, what is for you is for you and what is not for you is not for you, right? And the idea that I didn't have that. I don't have that money, but I'm going to get the money that I need.
Speaker 1:
Do you know what I?
Speaker 2:
mean I'm going to get what I need. I'm sure that that's a part of it, but it's also this I am very protective of my joy. I'm very protective of it and. I was starting to feel like you know it was being very disruptive of that, but at one I reached a point where it's like I don't have any control over that.
Speaker 2:
I'm going to have my time, do my thing, make my decisions based on what is right in front of me, and I'm not going to put all this effort into thinking about what somebody else may or may not do Right. So it's not that I don't feel that that person has an obligation to me, but I have an obligation to my peace and joy.
Speaker 1:
Okay, so now you and I may be talking about two different things.
Speaker 2:
Okay.
Speaker 1:
OK, what I pushed back on and what I disagreed with still is your comment about you believe this person is doing their best.
Speaker 2:
Right.
Speaker 1:
OK and right. Yeah, I too do agree with you where you know you got to start thinking about. Is this interrupting my time with my boys, is this interrupting what I have in front of me, and what type of modifications do I need to make in my plan so as not to let something like this mess me up when I think things are going to work out well in the future? That's a different thing. Yeah, I pushed back and said no, I don't believe that people are doing their best. Right, because I don't think that they believe the best is required. And that's what I mean, because doing their best could be as simple as making a phone call and saying you know, I know I'm not honoring the original agreement, but you know, I got you.
Speaker 2:
You know that this is this.
Speaker 1:
You know, yeah, people don't even make an effort to do better yeah.
Speaker 2:
So that's what I'm saying. So do you still think?
Speaker 1:
that most people do their best, that this is their best effort.
Speaker 2:
Well, I'm going to. I'm still leaning towards yes on that, and here's why, when I say that they do their best, it's not that they do the best, it's that they do the best they can do.
Speaker 1:
No, I'm talking about their personal best.
Speaker 2:
Right, they do the best that they can do. For example, let me give you an example. Right, I know that I've been in situations where it's been really, really, really, really hard for me to say something that puts me in a bad light. Right, I should have this, I should have been there, I should have done this, whatever, and despite all my efforts, I couldn't.
Speaker 2:
You couldn't say it you mean, I couldn't say it. It's hard to admit your failures, it's hard to admit Right. So I mean, in a situation like this, where one of the possibilities right, and there are 50 million possible things that could have happened, one of them might be that they're kind of paralyzed in knowing what to say, what to do. They still don't know when they're hoping, every day they're looking and they don't know you well enough to know that you would give and offer so much grace in a situation like that.
Speaker 1:
They don't know you like that. They're perhaps used to people cussing them out like give me my car back and this and that, so it's easier to run in. You like that Exactly.
Speaker 2:
Perhaps it's the people cussing them out Like give me that car back and this and that, Exactly so it's easier to run in situations like that. Exactly. I absolutely understand that. So that's what I mean about that. Best, then, is that's where that shows up, you know is that it's a real struggle, so much of a struggle that she, she couldn't find the words to say this is the best that they could do in this regard. Right and say something about that, and I'm going to tell you the thing that just came up after.
Speaker 1:
Cause it's a doozy. I can't think, I can't say anything about that right now, because you know, oh my gosh, I'm trying, I'm trying to give the same grace that you give, but I'm I'm almost about to say like nigga, please, you know, like come on, come on now. But because I don't speak like that, I didn't say that what I left Brooklyn and got soft.
Speaker 2:
I would have called some people.
Speaker 1:
What do they say?
Speaker 2:
Like girl please, girl please Come on, so okay, so, before I share with you what happened, what is is do you feel like you've always felt this way and, if not, what um has happened? What experiences have you had? What?
Speaker 1:
has made you less likely to believe that people put forth their best effort.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I've lived in the world I, I've lived in the world, oh snap.
Speaker 1:
I've lived in the world. I'm 62.
Speaker 2:
Okay.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I woke up today, wow, okay, wow, I'm going to speak about medicine you know, Okay, and I'm not going to speak about medicine because I don't want to scare people, let me take it out of the hospital, as you're wearing your black.
Speaker 2:
When I was a teacher. Right, okay, there we go Better.
Speaker 1:
I think in any workplace. Really, what has happened is that the individual effort or the strive toward excellence is no longer rewarded, as I see it, rather than someone to fill a position adequately. I see Okay, and I'm not even offering too much criticism over that. I've been reading Rest is Resistance by Tricia.
Speaker 2:
Hur. Yes, thank you for my copy. Yes, I love it.
Speaker 1:
Yes, and so I'm not saying that a Herculean effort is always even necessary.
Speaker 2:
Right.
Speaker 1:
You know yes, so that's why I'm not saying that it's a bad thing not putting your best effort, adequate and enough. Sometimes very well is enough.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, yeah, okay, you know if you are a worker and you're a parent and you're a wife, and putting in your best effort may mean neglecting other obligations that you have, and if a sub-excellent effort is all it takes to get a job done, then by all means I don't think that people should wear themselves out putting out, you know, going 100% all the time. Yeah, I think we should well pick and choose those things. The problem I have with that, though, is that I think sometimes people choose the wrong things to put forth 100% or to put forth 50%.
Speaker 2:
I see, and wrong. How would you define wrong the things that impact you? Well, you know.
Speaker 1:
This conversation reminds me when Omari was young, and I would one. I would ask him how's your day going to be? And he would say you know I don't know, Like I don't know.
Speaker 2:
And.
Speaker 1:
I'm like what do you mean? You don't know. You're the one that's in charge. It's all about you, but not just that. When he would, if he didn't come home with a good grade or what have you? You know, I would always say did you do your best today? Not, did you go to the head of the class like I always did, Right, but, you know, did you do your?
Speaker 2:
best today.
Speaker 1:
Is this the you know coming home with whatever? Right Is this the best that you can do, right? Can you honestly say yeah? If he was honest and said yes, then I'm fine with it. Yeah, yeah. So I think sometimes we need to. It's almost like choosing your battles Choose where you want to put your supreme effort. You know, relationships are important, but you know, casual things or coworkers may be less so. Right, right, you know patient care is important, but you know your visits to the store and whatever.
Speaker 2:
Right, right, I used to use with the kids. I used to use this model. I forget where I learned it, but is it rubber or is it glass? Right, tell me about that. Is it something? Well, I'll use an example. Like you know, isaiah used to be into basketball. He used to play basketball at school and in AAU in person, working my corporate manager role, and sometimes I had to choose between staying at work or going to his games. And so the rubber is. Is it something that? Is it a situation that whomever's involved will bounce back easily, or is it something that?
Speaker 2:
is going to break and really have a lasting impact, right? So, for example, I wouldn't want to miss a championship game, but just being able to say I've been to every one of his games, I had to let that go. Do you know what I mean? I had to let it go because I couldn't be at every game and I couldn't kind of have this and I couldn't kind of have this. I didn't want to have this pressure on myself or to set an expectation for him that he should be down in the dumps if mom couldn't be at every game.
Speaker 1:
You know what I mean. So, I put it through that who would make the determination of which you know, because it's almost in the eye of the beholder, right Sure.
Speaker 2:
Well, I'm the adult, so I get to choose that, and I'm the adult who loves and cares for the child right, and, of course, depending on the age, if he were a teenager, there may have been a conversation to help us decide together. But it kind of came up more with that because I remember now I remember who shared it with me is one of my former colleagues named Sherry, who also was a working mom, and said that that's something that she used to just kind of help her to filter Right. And sometimes you have to ask right, because it's not always the big game. That's the of help her to filter right, and sometimes you have to ask right, because it's not always the big game. That's the most important game to the child. Do you know what I mean? Right, um?
Speaker 2:
so be the one way their love interest is watching something like that, right, or the first time they get to not be on the bench, or whatever it is, you know what. I mean Okay. So let me tell you what happened. I can't believe that this happened.
Speaker 1:
So are we back to talking about the initial incident that prompted this?
Speaker 2:
No, no, no, not the incident, but another example of doing one's best. So we've talked about it on this podcast, I think, yeah, we have, but maybe we didn't say it with any detail. But I had a love interest in um on the West coast some years ago and, um, it didn't work out. I'm, I'm doing the, the, the 6,000 foot view, and then we can, we can come down because you know so, um and I found out that that um, the person, had gotten married and, yes, we have talked about it because we talked about when I saw the picture and how it hit me and it made me realize that I was, I had really processed that and had reached a different level in understanding that it wasn't all that. I thought it was Right.
Speaker 1:
And when I said it was the same episode, I think I said like who wouldn't want to be with you? And I'm like, oh, I can name somebody.
Speaker 2:
Right, right, exactly Exactly. Body, right, right, exactly Exactly. So. So while I was in LA, I was thinking, you know, you know, if I saw he and his wife, I would really honestly like embrace them and just kind of be happy, happy for them, like, like that's how I was and it felt good, the, the, the, the sense that that is how I would respond, um, made you feel good about yourself it made me feel good about the journey that I've been on and how natural that would have been for me to to do that, and it also made me think about whether he would even believe me, that that would be something right.
Speaker 2:
Probably not Right, and that's a part of why I knew that it was the right thing that we weren't together, because to have someone not believe me.
Speaker 1:
Yes, not to be Exactly Second guessing People. You love to know your heart Exactly and to believe you and to see you and to say, of course she's happy for me.
Speaker 2:
Exactly Because that's who she is. Exactly, exactly. So some months ago, december, maybe January it's been quite a while we'd had a little contact, not very much, but something happened. I got really angry and I blocked him, and he's been blocked ever since. And then, when I had those, did I know about this? I don't know.
Speaker 1:
I don't know. I don't know about any recent contact. No, it wasn't recent. I thought you said some months ago, like January yeah, that's this year, that's not recent. You've been holding back. No, I have not, no, no, no, I have not, it's been a long time okay it's been a long time.
Speaker 2:
I haven't because it whatever. Anyway, focus, yeah, yeah, focus, focus, okay. So, um, when I realized that this is how I was feeling now, I sent him a text. First, I sent him a text. Let me read you what I wrote Y'all are getting all in my business right now. Yes, y'all all up in my business.
Speaker 2:
I'm leaning in. So what I wrote is this is what I wrote. I was in LA earlier this week and knew that if I happened to see you with your wife, I'd warmly and sincerely embrace you both. I felt lovely, so now you're unblocked.
Speaker 1:
You're insane.
Speaker 2:
I said that, and then the response I got was still humorous Something, something, something. Wait, what's the something, something, something.
Speaker 1:
You better just get it all out. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
Speaker 2:
It's good to be unblocked, I'm happy. No, it's good to be unblocked and I'm happy. You appear to be in a good, in a good place, right, and you know I'm like, what do you mean up here? This is me, and what?
Speaker 1:
do you mean up here?
Speaker 2:
this is, this is what I'm saying, this is what I'm saying this is was the really, really, really? You can't just take it at face value. I mean so you're reading more into it than it's intended. I know, but this is what I said. After that, I said yep, it is as it appears.
Speaker 2:
There were several layers to peel off, some thicker than others, but I took the time and I did the work I needed. You were clearly right about our differences and I believe you did your best. Take good care. So there's that part. I believe you did your best, and you know that I struggled with that idea. In this situation, the best part was that the best, Because sometimes people's best can really hurt someone else, right? And so how could it be your best if it caused someone else pain, right? Or how could it be your best if it's not good enough, in a way?
Speaker 1:
What are you talking about? What do you mean? There are so many examples of people doing their best. I mean knowing that they do their best and being inadequate or not good enough or hurtful for us.
Speaker 1:
I'm thinking about just many, many examples. What about their parents that are awful parents, I mean, it could be from lack of mental capacity or emotional problems or drug use or whatever and they sincerely do the best they can do and they are wholly inadequate. Well, that's what I mean. So are we agreeing now that's what I mean that the was not what we were betting on. That was not the bet. And if you don't pay up whatever money I deem we bet, it's going to be a problem and their witnesses roll the tape back and subscribe to us so that we can hear more of this banter.
Speaker 1:
So wait, though, but listen Ang wait, wait, wait. Okay, what you started by saying is that you said you believe that people do their best. Yeah, People always, or whatever most of the time, do their best.
Speaker 2:
And I said absolutely not.
Speaker 1:
Now we didn't determine whether or not that best would hurt us, or is enough for us, or what have you? No?
Speaker 2:
No, but so what is the difference here?
Speaker 1:
no-transcript and so what is it that is different? And I'm saying that's not necessarily the case. I'm saying in her case, I'm saying that we don't know if she did her best, she could have said I'll get to it later she could have. Right, so why do you think that she did the best? You're just assuming you don't know that person.
Speaker 2:
I'm not assuming. I'm believing that she did her best.
Speaker 1:
And I'm saying that don't believe the hype, Don't be so gullible. Most people don't do their best. Most people do adequate.
Speaker 2:
Maybe. However, however, you can either think about all the ways that people are not doing their best and are their intentions are not good and they're trying to mess me up and they're they don't care.
Speaker 1:
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not what I'm saying. So there seems to be like that people intentionally Try to harm you by, you know, with their inadequacy. I'm just saying that, yeah, there's a spectrum that you're you're. What am I saying you?
Speaker 2:
need to define that.
Speaker 1:
People don't seem to have that personal ethic. It's almost like a personal work ethic, or yeah, I don't know, because I'm also thinking about Rest. Is resistance where we should, where we are Called to not put our best effort forward? Well, you know that we're not Called to break our necks, to be to stand out and whatever. I'm not, I'm not sure.
Speaker 2:
So let's, let's, let's use, let's use a spectrum to help us to kind of define it. Right, because when we say best, even the word best has it's relative. It's completely relative, right. Best better than who? What is better than you know? It's completely relative. But just in terms of defining what it meant to you when I said that people do their best, it seems that what that meant to you was that they know what a best is, they know what this is best and they know that they are performing down here and not up here.
Speaker 2:
It's like a knowing thing for you.
Speaker 1:
Is that the difference? Intentionally?
Speaker 2:
Right, okay, so there's an intention that makes it not their best.
Speaker 1:
I really think that people don't care as much. They don't care to do their best. Remember we talked about and I'm going a little on the tangent Remember we talked about bonnets and leggings and how I really think that's distasteful and it's not attire to be worn in public.
Speaker 1:
I still believe that. I think that when you reach for leggings or when you reach for a bonnet, it's slack to the point where it shows you don't really care. And I'm saying that people don't do their best because I can put on a pair of jeans and a nice hat as quickly as I can, leggings and a bonnet, right, so I just don't care to do. What I think, in my opinion, is look a little bit better or more polished or put together. So I am saying that I think people take the easy route out, the easy way out. It's almost like truth telling. I think that so many people are used to saying things that are untrue that they don't even want to take the effort to make truthful statements. Right, right, you know that people don't realize that telling the truth is not hard. Yeah, that people don't realize that telling the truth is not hard, yeah, you know.
Speaker 1:
It's just that saying things that are untrue, lying comes forth first.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, it's almost easier. Yeah, it is hard though, but it's the more lasting thing.
Speaker 1:
Telling the truth sometimes is hard, but not always. I know I said sometimes it's hard.
Speaker 2:
Sometimes it's hard right.
Speaker 1:
Because, like you said, there are some norms around. I just got to mute you for a second because I'm at work and my partner's calling me.
Speaker 2:
Okay, no worries, maybe John what.
Speaker 1:
I was trying to. How's it going down?
Speaker 2:
there, get like a definition around. This best thing is, I guess, what we were just talking about the intentionality. I think that for the most part people I did not- Are doing the best that they can, meaning with all of their experiences, with all of their um, uh, their um, the issues that they are dealing with at the current time. I say make the best choice that they can make and that best choice can have ramifications on people who are impacted by that choice. Right.
Speaker 2:
So I still feel that way, and I think what Leslie was saying is that people don't always make the best possible choice, like they choose to not do, the best right thing that they can do so I still think that really crashed. I still think that she and I um uh, there's a gap between our yeah, I agree those two things all right um well, thanks for the. One of the things that came up in the text that I read in that relationship that I mentioned is that for quite a while.
Speaker 2:
I was feeling like there was good.
Speaker 1:
Okay, well, thank you.
Speaker 2:
He could have felt the way that he felt and shared it with me earlier than when he did, because the fact that he waited caused unnecessary hurt and I didn't feel that that was the best that he could do. He could do. I felt like he was a punk, because he could have done his best by saying it when he was feeling it, when he said something you know, and the fact that he didn't cause undue hurt. So it was like no, that's some bullshit, that it was your best If I remember correctly, this might've been a little bit of a role reversal.
Speaker 2:
Because, at the time I remember saying to you because I like him, it's true.
Speaker 1:
I think I said to you that this was the best he could do. And that you should give him a little more grace, even though you're hurt.
Speaker 1:
I understand that and I don't want anybody hurting my friend, but I did not think that he could do better. You know why I thought that? Because I felt that I knew him enough that if he could have done better, he would have. I know there are some people who are punks that they ain't going to do better, whether they could or not, right, but I didn't see that for him.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and I think you are right about that, and some of what was clouding me is that I knew how much space I gave for communication and how many opportunities I gave for clarity and all of that. So it was like if you had 10 chances to do it and you chose not to, then it's not, you know it wasn't, then it's willful.
Speaker 2:
But the way that I feel now, which is consistent with how I feel about the car situation, is that even if he didn't do it for 10 times, he didn't know how to do it Right, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:
He didn't know how.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
It wasn't in him.
Speaker 2:
It wasn't in him Exactly, it wasn't in them, exactly it wasn't in them, and so the other thing about that is that doesn't mean that you have to tolerate people.
Speaker 1:
Oh, absolutely not. When people exactly If people do their best yet it's still inadequate. Exactly, it doesn't work for you, right.
Speaker 2:
You know what?
Speaker 1:
That's why, with past relationships and romantic relationships, I always can leave with goodwill. Because I can recognize when people have done their best, and it doesn't mean that it's enough for me or what I needed, or this or whatever. Right, but you did your best. What more can I ask for than your best? Right. When I ask for your best and you come up with a C plus effort. Yeah yeah, got to take the C plus effort, yeah.
Speaker 2:
So anyway, so do we agree?
Speaker 1:
I don't know if we agree or disagree.
Speaker 2:
We probably. We meet. We did like this and it was you know like.
Speaker 1:
well, maybe I don't know this person enough to say whether or not they did their best in this effort. However, I suspect they did not.
Speaker 2:
They did not. I still think that they did. I'd like to believe that, at the end of the day, there is more mental effort on my part to believe they're not, to believe that they are doing their best, than to believe that they're not Right. Just go, okay, you know what I'm saying? Just to, and it's not so.
Speaker 1:
Now it becomes your flaw and your blind spot.
Speaker 2:
Well, but the thing is that I made a decision and I made that decision based on some facts that I knew right. I wouldn't have sold the car to the person across the street that I've just seen, and doesn't help me, take my groceries upstairs or something like that right. So I had some level of discernment that I applied in the way that I see her which is still in place, and so I do believe that all of this will be revealed.
Speaker 1:
We got to come back, maybe in our Patreon we'll do an update. What really happened. Inquiry minds want to know.
Speaker 2:
Speak clearly what really happened, what the heck happened to you what the heck?
Speaker 1:
we took bets, oh my goodness. So so anyway, well, we got to end it All right. This was an interesting conversation, it was, it was Always. Anyway this has been another interesting episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn, brooklyn.