Savoring the Moment - Elisa Part 1

In this episode, Andrea and Elisa team up again to discuss the importance of savoring the moment, enjoying the journey, and the pitfalls of prioritizing monetization over experience.  Elisa is the co-owner of the widely known United Pole Artists community page on instagram.  Andrea and Elisa love to talk so this is part 1 of a 2 part episode.  Stay tuned!

In this Moms Who Pole podcast, Andrea talks with other badass mothers in the aerial arts, fitness, and pole community about health and fitness, body image, and celebrating their passions while balancing motherhood, family obligations, and career life. We discuss the joy and challenges of balancing the busy lives moms lead with a love for dance, fitness, and aerial arts such as pole, lyra, acrobatic chair, and flexibility training.  

Transcript

[0:00] Hello, my dears, and welcome to this episode of Moms Who Pole.
My name is Andrea and I am your most average mom who polls.

[0:10] Music.

[0:28] Hey, Elisa, welcome back. Thank you. Thank you. I'm so glad to be here again.
Yeah, I'm excited to talk with you too. I think the last time we talked, we both kind of agreed that we could do this all day.
So might as well go and revisit some topics. One of the first things I wanted to talk to you about was you had messaged me a while back.
It was over the holidays. I had posted this meme that I had found from I think it was Dad Man Walking.

[0:59] And it said, quote, to like a dad talking to his kids, you're going to get the hell over here and watch this Christmas movie with us as a family, and you're going to have Christmas joy and other fun Christmas things I say to my kids.
Yeah. Oh my God, that hit home so much. Oh my gosh. Yeah. I know for me during the holidays, we have a tradition of watching movies together as a family, and the kids are all excited about getting popcorn and watching Christmas movies and there's the Christmas tree there and we feel all cozy.
And then they start fucking around and not paying attention. And I'm like, why are you not watching the movie? Like, why is this even on? Because I could be on Instagram right now instead of watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer for the 60th time with you.
Right. Yes. Like, shut up and be a part of the family.
Yes. Yes. Yes. I think we all catch ourselves in those moments as moms. And I think that And I think the reason why it hit like close to home was because we do all catch ourselves in those moments.

[2:11] But it's actually like something that I've worked on as a mom, having been on the other side and I remember being a kid and I remember being so excited for Disneyland and you know, my parents didn't have a lot of money and there was four kids.
So Disneyland trips were a big deal, you know, and now I see their point of view, they wanted to have this great time. On top of it...
It was like super expensive and they wanted to make sure that we got our money's worth kind of thing right but what I remember the most is like we'd all be so excited and my mom was trying so hard to make it the perfect day that she would end up yelling at us or somebody would end up crying or we'd all be scared and just something would happen you know and I I think as moms sometimes we try so hard to create the memories and create the perfect day, the perfect birthday, the holiday memories that we get so caught up in doing that we kind of mess it up.

[3:16] Yeah, we end up missing out on being present and being mindful. And I think it's a bit of a double-edged sword. So I know there's been numerous studies that have shown that being mindful and being present can significantly reduce anxiety, depression. I mean, they've even used it as like a smoking sensation, cessation technique. And so it's a great thing to practice of being present in the moment and savoring the moment. At the same time, the numerous studies have shown that even today with all of the co-parenting and dads really stepping up that like moms still account for what almost 80% of the domestic labor in the household and that's not really accounting for the emotional labor that we go through in creating this great childhood for our kids, combined with our generation having to...
Our generation being aware enough that we need to stop the cycle of generational trauma in a way that, we're not going to pay forward what may have been paid to us as children.
And that is a huge burden that we have willingly taken on as parents.
We have. We haven't. Oh my gosh, all those things. I hadn't heard all those studies, but I can tell you from living, yes, even as a divorced mom, you know, like.

[4:43] Like it was probably five years into the divorce.
I no longer lived with him, but if something went missing from his house, the kids would call me.

[4:57] Like where's so and so? Or where did, you know, I can't find my whatever.
Okay, did you leave it here? No, I left it at my dad's house.
Well, they said, why are you calling me? Well, you find everything.
Like what? I have no idea. That's your dad's house, you know?
And also too, like he would fly back to St. Louis and take, obviously take them with him to go visit his parents.
I would go the day before to his home and pack their bags to make sure that they had everything.
And you know, like I did it because I was their mom. You know, I'm thinking for the kids.
And he did it because it was like, I know I'm gonna forget something.
And he did. He forgot an entire suitcase at his home one day.
And our daughter was flown out to St. Louis with no clothes.

[5:51] That's why on my Instagram handle I have on there that I'm the keeper of lost things, the lady of laundry.
Because whenever something goes missing, they'll be like, you know, where is it?
And I remember I started just having this reaction to things and I would say, I'm not the keeper of your things.
Like, I think he's gone now. I think I'm alone in the house.
But my dear husband, who I love, who is so wonderful and supportive.
So darling, if you're listening, I love you so much. But yes, you really pissed me off about 20 minutes ago because he is getting his passport renewed and he needed to find his old passport.
And he knew where it was.
And it's over by me. And he went to go grab it. But in the process, he rearranged everything And he kept looking at me like I should know where it is. And to be fair, I did know where it was.
But it's not my responsibility to keep track of all of those documents.
Some of them, it's your passport, babe.
You figure it out. I never go to him and ask where my documents are, because I know where they are.
But somehow, I also need to know where his documents are. And it's just something that we continue to take on.
Last year, when we were going to Disney World, very expensive trip.
And yours truly planned.

[7:09] All of it. And we're on our way out there and he's listening to an audio book on tape, or I guess they're not books on tape anymore. Showing my age. Showing my age. It's an audio book about emotional labor and how that imbalance in emotional labor happens in a relationship.
And I appreciated his interest in understanding why there is an imbalance in emotional labor.
And the author went so far as to say that a lot of it comes from our conditioning that love is doing these acts of service for your partner. And that when we first get married, we're so excited to write Mr. And Mrs. And we're the ones signing the cards. And so by creating those habits.

[7:58] We're creating the imbalance without realizing what we're doing to ourselves until post-kids, that string gets stretched so far that it breaks and that we share in the process of creating that imbalance most of the time, not speaking about abusive relationships, obviously. That's a completely different story. And I'm listening to this and I'm getting more and more angry as I'm listening to this because he was trying so hard to show me that he had an interest in learning about emotional labor and what it means and how to quantify it and appreciate it. But he's doing it on a nine-hour drive to Disney World with the kids in the car for a trip that I had completely planned myself and was exhausted by the time we got on the road. And I was like, I love you.

[8:46] This is not the time. The temperature of the water is not ideal for you to be swimming in this ocean right now. You know, props for him even trying though. I mean, you've got like, like you got three steps ahead than most women ever.

[9:06] You know, like 10, you know?
But yes, it goes back to that same thing, like to that meme, you know?
Like here you did everything.
Here you're, by this point, you're stressed out.
You're on a schedule. You're thinking all the things that you guys have to do.
You've already done a million things to get you on the road.
You packed the bags, you packed the car, you did this, You did that, you know?
And it's like, how do we expect to enjoy that?
You know?
And it does, like, you know, the meme was about kids, but here, your story is perfect example on how that happens with our spouses too, or our partners. You know, like, we do that.

[9:48] And it happens like you were saying to me, and I'm going to bring it back to your message here.
You said this carries into poll. This is something we take from the world into our poll studios as, hobbyists. And I really liked the way you talked about how it can kind of hurt our relationship with poll. Totally. Like it's all relationships settings, you know what I'm saying? Like with the the kids, with the spouses, and with Paul.
When you try too hard, you take away the joy.
That's what it is. When you're not present, you take away the joy. You know what I'm saying?
Yeah. It's like when you're in the class and you've got your camera out the whole time because you're trying to get a video for social media and you completely missed the fun and the camaraderie of being in that classroom environment with other students.
Absolutely, 1000%. I've, like, I even to this day, you know, like 10 years in, I see the difference.
When I dance without my camera out, you know, without my phone out, without the recording, without looking for that Instagram post, my movement is like, oh my God.
And of course then I say, I wish I would have recorded that.
The minute the phone comes out and I set it up.

[11:10] You know, like it just changes the way we dance. Now I'm thinking I gotta stay in this space because I wanna make sure that all my movement is caught.
You know what I'm saying? Like I can't go too far. Am I in the frame?
Am I this? Am I that? You know, it does change our movement.
Little things like that. Or just simply, you know, even when you don't have your phone out, just simply be like, I have to get this move.
I have to get this choreo. Oh my God, I'm mess messing up. I missed this.
Oh, I can't get the hair whip right on cue. We just take that joy away from what it should be.

[11:50] Exactly. We end up being self-critical. Instead of what brought us into the studio in the first place was this curiosity, this idea of play and playfulness.
A lot of people see polos as a very healing type of activity because it allows you to connect with yourself and maybe with a part of yourself that some of us feel like maybe we may have lost.
Reconnecting to our sensuality, reconnecting to ourselves is something that's not a mom or a partner. We get to exist just as one entity as ourselves.
But then you put that camera in front and you're no longer existing for yourself.
Performing for a camera. And it really changes the way you experience that I feel a sacred time in a studio space or in a pole space.
I will say though, like, let me not say that we shouldn't record each other because I already are. Because I do love to, you know, and I actually encourage like, you know, when I talk to you first time pole dancers, you know, like, or beginners, like, yes, absolutely, yourself because you will appreciate your progress much more. But what I do tell them is like.

[13:07] Your intention shouldn't be for the Instagram post. Just think this is going to be for myself.
Coming full circle, the reason why that meme and thinking about parenting and spouses, why it hit home for me was because I had recently or for a while now, I've been thinking about how I do try not to be so like, everything has to be so perfect so I create this beautiful memory from my child that I end up ruining it.
It's like, okay, let go of some of that. It will be what it will be.
I think it usually works out better. But I don't always practice that for myself.

[13:51] It's like I've been trying to be like, especially in the last year or so, coming back from COVID and not feeling, and I think a lot of us, you and I constantly message each other about this, how we're like, in the Heidi Proctor message that came out recently, about looking back on who I used to be and how I am not that person anymore. We have to give ourselves that same, I'm not going to pass on this generational trauma to my kids. Well, okay, let me heal from that too.
And taking that time to focus on yourself and heal yourself, it takes some of the stress out of trying to fix everything else for other people. I will say that post about where I was before, that rang so true for me. The past couple years, and you've said this to me before, that poll is like a relationship. And it comes and goes. And the last year or so with poll, it's been a bit of a tough relationship. I definitely cheated on it with contortion willingly, openly. I had a really great time with it. And I kind of woke up in December and I said, okay, I'm ready to come home and come back to poll.
And it has been the hardest part about it has been.

[15:15] The acceptance that I'm not where I was before. Like, I want to take a time machine back to 2019 for my tricks with all of the quality of movement that I've learned over the past few years.
I'd like to combine them together, but it's not a perfect world, and I have to accept with grace that this is where I am right now, and that it's okay because that time away was needed, to appreciate my body and appreciate where I'm at with with pole.
But that has been the hardest part of where I'm at in this in this journey right now is you are not in the shape you were before you don't have a time machine to go back to 2019 and that is totally fine.
You know I like that 2019 I think oh my gosh I have said that so much too I was like flow and body you know from 2019 that's what I want you know I'm saying like that's what I want and it's like okay like you said we don't have a time machine like you know it's great to have goals but you know always wanting what was in the past like you know Heather West from Lush's Maven I love this she She said this after she had her baby and she was coming back.
And this was long before COVID, long before all this, right?
She wrote a post and it said, I don't want to bounce back, I want to move forward.

[16:39] And it was all like, oh my God, talk about like hitting moms who pull, moms who are coming back from just having a baby and realizing like we're not even talking about COVID, we're not even talking about like.

[16:53] This has been part of the poll journey for people like all along because whole really is a relationship.
You know, like, yes, it's a hobby and you know, yes, it sounds like we're making it bigger than it is.
And maybe we are, you know, but for some of us, it does become that.
It does become like a relationship, you know, it's a lifestyle, whatever you want to call it, But yeah, you know.
And as with all relationships, sometimes you like it and sometimes you don't.
And sometimes you consider other options. And sometimes you're like, do I want to stay here?
And other times you're like, this is the greatest thing that has happened in my life.
I cannot live without it.
You know, the highs and lows.

[17:38] It's definitely an addictive sport. Oh, like and and and I think the thing is, pull means so many different things to so many different people.
I think there was a news article the other day I saw about outrage in Michigan because there was a group of middle schoolers on a field trip. Did you see this?
They went to a pizza joint. Okay.
It was a group of middle schoolers. They were on a field trip and they went to some pizza place that was connected to like a club, but it was during the day and there wasn't enough room in the club, I guess.
So the middle schoolers ended up at the club next door where there were, according to the news article stripper polls. And I was like, were there strippers on them? No, but parents were outraged because there's pictures of the kids messing around on these on these his pulse.

[18:34] And I think that really speaks to how poll can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. It has a lot to do with what's reflected in yourself. And I think that's part of the allure, of it to hobbyists, that it can change your perspective on what the societal perception of it is. I think it gives you a greater understanding for people that might have different backgrounds than you do. Definitely, of course, not going to beat around the bush. It gives you a greater respect for strippers and sex workers, which I think is really important. But it is addicting because it feels so good and it's hard. It's really hard. And so it ends up having a bit of a cult following and you start recruiting other people for it. And so it's just funny when you see that and then that happens and then you say, well, maybe it's weird to talk about pull as a relationship.
I'm like, well, is it if it's one of those kind of almost oddities that means a lot of different things to a lot of different people? I don't know. I don't think it's that odd.

[19:45] You know what? I think the older I get, I also focus a lot on just like in general, know, not just pulpit, just in general, like, I see my life as, like, my relationship to things, you know, I've noticed that too, you know, and I think it does come from also being older and a mom, you know, like, you know, because, I mean, you and I started having these conversations because I said, being a mom makes me a better pole dancer, and being a pole dancer makes me a better mom. And I think it's because it's constantly like, the, lessons that I learned here come over here, you know what I'm saying? And so, again, there's that relationship. Relationship with my kids? Well look, it's a relationship with Paul, you know.
I think also too, I'm not gonna lie, I think being single and dating, you know, like it makes me see.

[20:35] The parts of my life differently. Because is Paul, this hobby, worth, you know, maybe possibly giving up because of time and attention and all that for an actual relationship. Where are my needs being met? And when you think about it, when you break it down, when it goes past the like, oh, I just want to go take a class, blah, blah, blah. But for those of us that we do become addicted to it and dive in, it is like totally fulfilling our needs. It's giving us, you know, something that we might not find in our other relationships because at the end of the day, I think comes back to our relationship with ourselves, you know?

[21:22] I had read this was years ago when Paul was taking up a considerable amount of my time and it was affecting my relationship with others because when you devote a lot of time to one thing, then it takes away from other things you can do because we only have a finite amount of time.
And I stumbled across this article about how marathon runners, how training for a marathon, can negatively impact their relationship with their partners because they're spending so much time running and training, and then there's the race and traveling to the race, and that when you're making a commitment like that to something like a marathon, that you need that buy-in from your partner or from your family. And we have talked about that before, when you made the commitment to compete, you sat down with your family and made sure that they were okay with you making that commitment. Yeah. Absolutely. I mean, even look like other things that we wouldn't call weird, you know, because thank you for saying it wasn't weird, you know, like if somebody tells you, oh, you know, like, oh my gosh, this person's so, you know, dedicated to their career right now, you know, we want to look at them weird, but we say, like, hey, you know what, I'm really dedicated to bull right now. They'd be like, what, you know.

[22:44] But yeah, it happens in just like marathon runners, like you said, bodybuilders, you know, You know, top-rate athletes, anything that's athletic, they're gonna, that is gonna be their focus.
And like I said, careers.
How many times have I met you, et cetera, like, well, I'm looking for something casual because I'm focusing on my career.
Okay, that means you have absolutely no time for me. That's what you're, you know?
Like, that's your priority. And also too, like being a mom, like.

[23:13] I acknowledge that my kids are always going to be my priority. You know what I'm saying? So like, we always have something that is our priority that's going to take up our time, take up our money, take up our, you know, focus and all that. And again, it just, it comes back to, a relationship setting, you know, and for many of us, that's Paul.
And, and pull is the stand in for anything, you know, like you said, it could be a marathon, bodybuilding, whatever it is, but what it is, what is a similar theme and all that is a focus on health, and how that is not valued as much as a focus on career because a career indicates I'm focusing on money.
And that's acceptable, but focusing on your health and prioritizing your health is less accessible.
Ago I used to work in the finance industry and one of the things that bothered me about it, this is going to sound so weird, but I looked at the senior level managers and what, had happened was they had given us all free Monster energy drinks for a week or maybe it was a Monster, but it was some sort of energy drink.

[24:24] I personally felt like it wasn't a healthy choice, but I know some people swear by them.
For me personally, I didn't feel like it was a healthy choice for me.
And then it got me kind of looking at senior leadership and okay, if I stayed in this industry, if I stayed with this company for the next 10 years, what would that look like for me?
And I saw like 60, 70 hour work weeks, I saw senior level management, none of them looked like they were living healthy lives.
And your work becomes your priority. And I'm like, well, when I die, I don't think I'm going to look back on my life and go, man, I wish I had worked more.
I'm going to regret not spending more time with my family or enjoying the outdoors or being healthy enough to travel.
Those are things that are important to me. Those are my priorities.
But as a society, I think we tend to.

[25:19] We tend to say make it more acceptable to make unhealthy choices in prioritization of career and money, which hey, we all need to eat. So yeah, feed your family, right? But it's less acceptable to say my priority is my family or my priority is my health. So. Absolutely. Oh my gosh. I mean, and oh my goodness, I could talk forever about this. Do it. Okay. Well, first of all, like I'm the same way. I work in a field that is very male dominant, you know, and, you know, coming up on it because I started very young and so everybody was older. Now I'm the older person. But, you know, like I started noticing, like you said, like, hmm, a lot of these men, when they get ready to retire, if they're honest with themselves, you know, like having little conversations here, there, here and there with some of them. Like none of them said, man, I'm really glad I worked this hard.
A lot of them said, wow, wish I would have been there for my kids more, you know what I'm saying?
Or you saw them and they were on their third divorce or, you know, like, never gone married, didn't have a family, hadn't traveled that much, you know, because they focused so much on what they.

[26:38] Needed to do for work, you know. And so I think from also having seen that from a young age, I was like, okay, that's not gonna be me, you know.

[26:49] I've been told even recently like, wait, how come you haven't moved up? Why are you here?
And it was meant as maybe somebody trying to motivate me like, hey, you're smart enough, right? But it's like, no, I'm where I'm at. And I'm actually in the place that I am at, completely chosen, because one, I'm willing to live within my budget so that I can have all that that time and flexibility and a workload that's manageable.
So that if I want to take time off to go to Arizona for a tournament for a week with my kid, I know that I can handle all that, you know?
Or even better, if I want to take a couple of days off because I want to go to PolCon, you know, like or whatever pull event I want, like I can do that. You know?
So yeah, I totally agree. Like when you give your life to work and to making money and to moving up and advancing and all that.
That is very much our societal focus. But when you put that much effort into things like, even your family, but definitely like, oh, well, I love to do this.
I'm willing to give up promotional opportunities maybe because I don't want my whole time focus here.
I wanna be able to have free time to go to a studio, to go on a trip, to do that, you know?
And here we go.

[28:19] I think that mentality trickles down into full. Everybody's constantly trying to see how they're gonna monetize full, you know? and, I love it. I think it's great. I've been there. You know, part of like taking on UPA was like, oh, can we make money off this? How can we make money off this? That kind of thing.
And I think at some point you have to, some of us, I'm not going to say everybody, but some of us have to realize like, hey, you know what, there's just not, going to be money opportunities for everybody. You know, we're not all going to get rich off and that's okay.
And if you don't want to, you don't have to, you know?
It can be just our hobby. It can be just something we do for fun.
It can be just for the experience. We don't have to become paid instructors.
We don't have to become paid performers.
We don't have to start a pole brand of some sort. We don't have to always be paid, you know?
Because I think sometimes too, that creates a little bit of community and fighting, because there's a place for everybody, but we're not gonna get rich.

[29:39] And again, it speaks to, we value things in terms of money. That's how we assign value to things in our lives.
Even to the point where, I'm sure you've seen those charts where the cost of raising a child just with the basic necessity is not including, you know, if you were going to do extracurriculars or private school or anything like that, but the cost of raising a child as of 10 years ago. So this is the last time I looked at this chart, but it was something like zero to 18. It was well over $250,000. So we've now monetized raising children.
Perhaps that's.
I love those numbers. Well, perhaps that's what drives some of those influencers' accounts where they post all kinds of content of their underage children.
I would love to know how much money those children are making off of those posts, but I think that's a conversation for another time and probably more negative than I want to get today.
But I agree with you. And I mean, it's a completely natural thought given where we're at right now in terms of how we assign value to things is through money, that someone goes, wow, I have invested so much time.

[30:51] And money into poll that I want a return on my investment.
And we forget that sometimes the return on your investment is an intangible such as I feel better about myself.
I have come to terms with my relationship with my body and my body image, things like that.
Or I have less stress because I've learned now because the studio has a no cell phone policy, let's say that I've got to put my phone away and I can't have it for an hour, I must be present.
Can you really put a price tag on that?
The experience of that is priceless. Was that old commercial that was like flip flops, $12 sunglasses, $8 look on the kid's face during that week of fun and family time priceless.
That's a little like Paul. Wasn't it MasterCard?
I think it was a MasterCard commercial. Yeah. Yes. Absolutely.
No, 1000%. Like that's so true.
That is absolutely so true.
We sometimes don't remember that, like, you know, unless we, like you said, unless we're getting something in return, oh my God, we're putting all this money out.
Yeah, but what you got from it is like...

[32:14] Something that you can never put a price tag on because you're not going to find it anywhere else, you know, and don't get me wrong. I get caught up on that just like anybody else, you know, like.

[32:25] You know, I started doing shows for tips. And, you know, let me tell you, there is an amazing, just experience of having people throw money at you for doing something that you love, like, Like that feeling in itself is like nothing else.
Like seriously, you just threw money at me for dancing what I do like all the time, like, you know?
But after one night that I, at one show, I made well beyond what I would have ever thought I could ever make.
Like this many people gave me this much money to dance to my favorite song of all time, which was No Diggity. That song just like I've never made more tips than I did when I danced to that one song.
And you know after that, like I said, I've never made more tips than I did to that one song.
And so every other time, because I wasn't making that much money, I was like, oh man, I must suck.
Oh man, I didn't do as good. Oh man, this wasn't as successful.
And I had a dear friend who is a dancer at a club. She told me, well, how much do you make in an hour?
You know, and she was all like, you just made $25, $30, whatever it was in three minutes.

[33:49] When you look at it that way, I was like, oh my God, she's right.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, if you start breaking it down like that, like, oh my God, here we are.
Go back to what really was the high.
Here, nobody has to give me money, but I made some money off doing something I love.
Yay, who cares how much it is?
And even when you don't make any money, like you have, I mean, some of my best performance experiences have been dancing in front of 150 people for shows that I didn't get paid for.
But my God, that feeling of people coming up afterwards and telling you like, wow, you know, I really loved your dance.
You know, I really appreciated what you did. or you really inspire me to get up there too myself because I've been kind of shy thinking that I wasn't good enough or whatever, but I don't know something about whatever I did that day.
And I remember what dance it was, what show it was, you know?

[34:46] Like that is like almost like something that you can never put a price tag and even UPA.
Like I said, my business partner and I, when we first took over UPA, we were like, how do we monetize this?
How can we make money? The previous owner, Ann Marie Davies, she was able to monetize it.
It was like, how do we keep that going? We had our different ideas.
Then after a while, I think we both got to the point where it was like, do we really need to monetize it? Because then there's rules to that.
There's a way that you have to do that, where if you take away the idea of having to make money, we can make it something else.
That's what we've been really focusing on lately.
We want to be more like a community platform, then be a business.
I will tell you the messages we get sometimes from people, That right there is like, okay, I made the right choice.
We're on the right path.
This is why we're doing it.

[35:50] Yeah, it goes back to your why. Of course, this isn't anything against people who have monetized it because I want our studios to make money.
Our studio owners work hard to provide a space for us. They deserve to be able to live and eat and take care of their families.
But when you come in and you think, I'm going to take some poll classes and then I'm going to become some sort of, I don't know what, person that makes money off of the fact that I walked into a studio and took some poll classes, then it's, I think your heart ends up being in a different place.
Most of us showed up for poll. Most of us hobbyists.
I can't speak for the other communities that are a part of the poll community, but for, But for a nice suburban mom like myself, I showed up for poll for me and for what I wanted personally to get out of it, which was just something for myself, a community outside of my husband's career.

[36:57] And it served that purpose for me. And I enjoy teaching. And I'm certainly not going to be quitting my day job anytime soon for the money I make teaching. But when I look at it, dollars and cents, I'm like, I don't make that much money teaching. I'm like, yeah, but I feel really good after I teach. And that's the added benefit of it is like yesterday, I taught three classes online. And I know a lot of people don't like online. It's all I have right now. There's no studio near me. So I only teach online. And I finished those three hours and I was like, man, that was awesome. And I poured myself a celebratory glass of wine because I was like, it just felt like a party. I was like, I was like kind of dancing in my kitchen. I'm like, yeah, that was fun. And it makes it worth it to me.
And you are 1000% right. That's not to say that no one should ever try to monetize. Performers need to be paid. Studio owners absolutely need to make their money because they have to stay open. What I mean is like, not every single person that walks into a full studio is gonna end up being a paid instructor, a paid performer, a studio owner, a brand owner.

[38:13] That doesn't have to be our goal. And I will tell you, my favorite show to do is Sappro Strip.
I love that show. I love the community that's built around it.
In fact, there's a show tonight.
I'm not part of the lineup, but I'm going there to help run the show.
Because even when I'm not part of the lineup, I love being there and I love the creativity that comes out for the performers, you know?
But a lot of times it's in Long Beach, which is about an hour away from me.
I don't want to drive that afterwards.
I always get a room. So no matter how much money I make that night, I probably spent more money getting to the show.
And it is worth it every single time. I have never gone to a show and been like, I shouldn't have done it.
You know what I'm saying?
I always walk out with new friends with like, just this, like I said, and just watching other performers. Just everything is always so great that putting a price tag on it and feeling like I have to meet a quota that takes away from the joy of what we're doing.

[39:23] Yeah. And I think every time you talk about these shows you're involved in, and it ties back to you being a co-owner of the UPA page and your decision to make it a community page, is because I get the sense that a lot of your why for you is that community aspect and that you derive a lot of joy from that and that's your why.
I did want to ask you, because we had talked about this before, so you were telling me about you were in one of the Acro Strip shows and the age difference in the performers.
Yes, a lot actually a lot of the Afroscript shows. I'm definitely in every show that I've done with Afro.
I've always been, if not the oldest, definitely one of the oldest, like hands down, you know, to the point where I am sometimes twice as old as some of the other performers, you know.

[40:24] And there are times when that little voice in my head Come stand and be like.
Seriously, like what are you doing up here with these gorgeous 22 year olds? You're 44, you know, um, but most of the time it's like oh my god, look at me, I'm still getting up here and a, Lot of times too Like when these other dancers find out how old I am because they can tell I'm older but they might not be able to tell How much older am like they're like, whoa.

[40:53] You know, it's like yes when you're my age you can still be up here here. Like, why not? Why are we putting limits to ourselves?
You know? And that also goes to like, I think when we were talking, I told you about like, which show was Oh, it was the, Halloween show. We had a wonderful lineup. It was amazing. Very diversified lineup. And it just happened like after like, I think, the second practice or so or the second show, I just realized out of our entire lineup, you had probably the most perfect, youthful dancer. She was one of our youngest dancers, just innocence, glow, you know, that perfect youthfulness that we picture. And then I came right after her. One of the older ones, I think in that show, I might have been the oldest performer, the oldest performer, a mom with my mom body, you know, age showing, which is no knock to me either.

[41:58] But you just had these two different stages and no one, not the producer had put us back to back to be like, look, look what we're doing here.
You know, it wasn't one of those like rah rah rah, we're doing it to, to pat ourselves on the back or anything like that.
And, and between the lineup and it was just like, I don't know, like it, I took a moment to really be appreciative of that. Like this really is our community.
This really is like real life. You know what I'm saying? Like.

[42:25] People age and people grow older and you can still be living your life and getting joy out of it and, just doing whatever you want. Absolutely. I think that's fantastic that you had that experience.
And then didn't you meet that girl's mother as well? Wasn't she at the show?
There was another dancer's mom. Yes. Like so one of our other dancers who again, she's probably half my age or maybe like 20 years younger. So she's like 24. It's under 24. And she brought her mom to the show and it was like and I've actually a couple of the dancers have brought their moms and let me tell you one of my greatest joy of you know these shows that I go to is watching these moms take pride in their daughters you know I'm saying like making it rain on their daughters because like my mom would have never done that like my mom will not you know my mom pretty much stopped following me on Instagram like long ago you know when I started posting stuff about She was like, nope.
You know, I definitely don't have that support, you know? So to watch this and like watch this mom just like take joy and she's like, I got her phone out and she's like, she had like her purse open cause she had her money on top.
And she's like trying to record her daughter's performance as she's trying to make it rain on her.
I was like, oh my gosh, this is beautiful. I love it, right?
And so then I started talking to her and I come to find out, I'm five years older than mom.

[43:54] I was like, okay. And so when I told her, I was all like, we talked about her age.
I was all like, her face was like, wait, what? And I was like, yeah.
And I said, just take some classes and get your butt out there with me, right?
And like a couple of days later after the show, the dancer messaged me and she's all like, yeah, my mom wants to take a class now.
I love it. Another recruit. We can do a self-recruit team. Can you imagine?
That's fantastic. Another recruit, another recruit for poll.
We're gonna have to take a break here in my chat with Elisa. She is so awesome. We are gonna have to divvy this up into a two part episode event. We got lots more to talk about. So stay tuned for part two of that episode. In the meantime, feel free to give us a big thumbs up, like subscribe depending on what modality you happen to be listening in on.
Check out the show notes for ways that you can show support for this podcast, which is currently fueled by copious amounts of afternoon coffee and a passion for supporting women in their movement journeys.
Until next time, my friends, keep on dancing and remember, there's enough spotlight for all of us to shine. Bye.

[45:03] Music.