Welcome to the Bloom Your Mind podcast, where we take all of your ideas for what you want, and we turn them into real things. I'm your host, certified coach Marie McDonald. Let's get into it.
Well, hello everyone and welcome to episode 77 of the Bloom Your Mind podcast. We have some new listeners out there, so welcome.
I had something very different planned for today, but I had this incredible experience over the last week that I wanted to share. I've shared this story a couple of times and people really got a lot out of hearing it and so I wanted to share it. And also, episode number 77, lucky number seven. My favorite number is seven and it's my son's baseball jersey number.
So, what a day to talk about something that is the most special thing to me ever, the best moment of my life, which was meeting my husband, and I told this story to a few people, as I said, so wanted. I've never told it really on the podcast before, and the reason this is coming up right now is because my husband and I today is our anniversary we met 14 years ago, basically today. We met a couple two days before, but he took me on our first date on this day, May 20th, 14 years ago and we had this experience over the past few months and last night.
That's just really called us into awareness around how special it is that we have each other and love each other. So, I wanted to tell you some stories about this and feel good, wonderful stories, and also want to invite you to apply what I'm talking about to any relationship, to any community that you're in, to any friendship or to the hope of new relationships or friendships in your future.
It doesn't have to be a love relationship and it definitely does not have to be the institute of marriage. I default to that word because my husband and I are married but we just as easily could not have been married. We just did it for the party and the taxes and I don't have any preciousness around that word or that institution myself. I don't think it makes any relationship more or less valid and I also don't buy into, you know, in itself being inherently problematic.
There's a lot of talk about like the shadow sides and negative parts of marriage these days, which I think are totally valid, but I don't experience it that way. For me, it is a beautiful gift to be married and just as easily could not be married and just choose partnership or not partnership, choose solitude. All of it is cool, but I want to talk about love, because love and deep relationships are a core part of what creates fulfillment for us as human beings and, from my perspective, is one of the best experiences in this life and human bodies.
So we were sitting on the couch last night and we had just gotten back from a wild weekend of lots of celebration of dear friends, 50th birthday parties, a pentathlon event for my daughter, the fifth graders really transitioned from grade school to middle school through this big all day event athletic event and my son's last baseball game, where my husband and I have both been coaching it and being DJs playing the walk up songs for my son.
As I said, this dear friend's 50th birthday party, celebrating half a century of life, right, and then the next day our new baby nephews, beautiful baptism and baptism party, and then ended the weekend. It just so happened that, like everything was scheduled on one weekend and all of it was vitally important to us, with all these precious people in our lives celebrating big things, you know, and at the end I support and lead development for our children's school.
So I was, you know, partially responsible for our gala, our big fundraising event and celebration and party, and so put a lot into that, got dressed up, my husband and I went to it and we're sitting on the couch at the end of the night after having been in this beautiful series of examples of the community that we've built around us through our children's school, our friendships, you know, all of our family, all these different examples of the love that we've built up around ourselves through what and who in terms of communities and people we give our time and attention to.
We really experience sitting on this couch how we're feeling the evidence of that. We are very careful to fill our lives with people and places and communities that are mutually fulfilling, where we give a lot, contribute a lot, and they contribute a lot of goodness and nurturing back to our family, because we work hard as a family of four to build a culture that feels nourishing and loving and fun, fun, playful.
Yeah, so we were sitting on this couch, and I had gold freckle tattoos across my nose, which I they're very glittery and gold and I like to wear them to events. Probably told you that before and you know we were wearing our clothes from the night, and he looked at me and we were talking about this beautiful night together where we danced and danced. I got up on stage and was, you know, doing gratitude at one part of the night, looking out at all these beautiful faces of people I admire and appreciate.
And he and I danced and danced and sat there on the couch and he looked at me and he said, you know, sitting here across from you on this couch in our home that we've built, with my precious wife and our two precious kids asleep in their beds. He said, you know, I never expected to have anything in my life, anything. And here I am in all of this, and I teared up a little bit and we just talked about how much we love being married to each other. We laugh so much; we have a lot of fun and we are very precious to one another.
But it made me think about how part of I think what makes our love work is that we didn't expect it, and so it is this very precious thing that we tend to in each one of us individually and with each other. We tend it really carefully, like a garden. We do not take it for granted because we didn't grow up thinking I will definitely feed you know; meet the love of my life and they'll be obsessed with me and it's going to be great. And it was not that and it was very much the opposite. So, 14 years ago I had gotten out of a five-year relationship that was not a healthy one, and he had gotten out of a long-term relationship and neither one of us wanted to date each other.
We were living up in the Bay area, he was wearing his dad's wedding ring so that no one everyone would think he was taken, and I was just six months in to live in my own life, did not want to date anybody, and my brother, my amazing younger brother I've talked a little about my older brother on the podcast, but my, my younger brother as well is just wonderful. He's the type of person everybody loves to be around. You meet him and you love him immediately. Hilarious, smart, funniest, smart, fun, the best dad and husband, just a great family. You know wonderful person, everybody loves him.
And he was living up in the Bay area and he said you know who you should date is Max. And I said no, no, no, I'm not dating anybody. And he was in a relationship before and I'd met him once, six months before in the dark, talked to him for like two minutes. I was like no way Meaning in the dark. It was outside and it was dark, and he had a beard and a Pendleton on. I couldn't really see his face. And he said you know what, though, Marie, he's your type. And I laughed and I said what are you talking about? I do not have a type. I dated men. I dated women for long-term relationships, people from all different countries. I did not have a type in my own head. And he said, oh, you have a type and Max is your type. I said no, no, no, not doing it.
Couple nights later, my brother invites us sneakily both out to an Irish pub, without telling each other, and I will never forget talking to my friend and, out of my peripheral vision, seeing this face walk up and turning to look at the person and it was Max and having this feeling of fluttery feeling all up and down my body of knowing, oh my gosh, this is it.
A couple of nights later, he takes me out on our first date and we're sitting across the table from each other at this overpriced vegan food I was vegan at the time. I'd been vegetarian for 20 years sitting across the table from each other and he we're just chatting and this beautiful human he's in the middle of the conversation just stops the conversation, he sets down his fork, he turns his very massive shoulders to face me and he just looks at me with this grin that is like this earth stopping grin and he says hey, I like you, I really like you.
And that was it y'all. That was it. So genuine. Oh, stops my heart. I was like I like you too. It was like kindergartners on a preschool, on a bus. I like you; I want to be my friend on a bus. I like you; I want you to be my friend.
And from then on, we never looked back, and we never dated anybody else. We just went for it. We had a long-distance relationship for two and a half years because we only had a few days together. And then he moved because he had already gotten a job at Hurley International Surf Company as their head carpenter. So, he's down in Orange County, I'm in the Bay, and there was so much we didn't know about each other. Our lives were like you know so much. We were learning about each other long distance.
And I remember this one time we were somewhere, I think in Oxnard sitting at a table, or maybe in Orange County sitting at a table eating lunch, and someone walks up to him and says, hey, are you Max McDonald? And he's like yeah. And she says, can I get your autograph? And I'm like what's happening right now. He says I was in this little band, it's no big deal.
And I found out he has this whole life that he never told me about for six months as a touring musician in this band that has like a cult following called No Motiv, with many people that knew him.
But he was in just this different phase of life, and I think that is one thing that also helps us a lot as a couple is that we don't take a lot of time sharing about where we've been, even in like in our past, and where we've been. That day when we hang out with each other, we hang out with each other. We don't catch each other up unless there's something super important to talk about.
We just are super present with each other. And it makes me laugh that very extreme example of not having told me about this huge part of his life, because we just are with each other when we're together, other when we're together and I wanted to talk a little bit about what I think helps us, because I am aware that in this middle part of life a lot of relationships start getting tougher and ours is feeling the opposite A lot of the time. It feels like we're loving each other more and more and it just keeps growing and evolving.
But I think that there's some reasons for that I started talking about and again, just think about. I thought that would be fun. I love hearing people's origin stories, so I thought it would be fun to tell that to you, but also to illustrate sort of these two concepts of like. There wasn't any entitlement there and we spent our time being very present with each other, instead of talking about the past and future or other people. We laugh a lot; we do the thing in front of us, and we really appreciate each other in the moment that we're in.
But there are a couple of other things that I wanted to share that I think really help us continue to evolve our relationship. We treat it as this very precious thing. When something feels off, we pause and we address it, and over time we've gone through times that have not been easy, as any couple does right and we do that work. But I think one thing that's important in doing the work is that we each take responsibility for doing our own side of it, rather than waiting for the other person to change before we're willing to change. We work hard to be worthy of each other's love, and we really have practiced that over time.
But again, I want to invite you to apply this to any relationship, whether it's one you have, one you hope for, one that's with a community, or with a friend, or with a lover, or in a relationship or with a child, with anybody is this present moment, awareness, not taking it for granted, and doing the work to keep it precious and maintain it.
But there are a couple other things that I just wanted to talk about. I remember a long time ago we were sitting. I remember a long time ago we were sitting together, and Max said you know, I always thought I would never get married because I didn't or would like have a long-term life partner, that I would just go live out my days on a beach somewhere, meet somebody.
That was fine and kind of maybe share some life with them. But that humility, that lack of entitlement, I think was really, really beautiful. And so, I love to come to lots of relationships and communities like that, like not just with gratitude, but almost the inverse of gratitude as well, which is like I'm so grateful for this thing that I have, and also, I do not expect it. Right, I do not expect it to be there tomorrow. I don't expect it because I've earned it somehow. It's like it is a gift, always a gift, so that, I think, is hugely important.
And then the other thing I wanted to share is that when Max asked me to marry him but to have the responsibility of being his person and it's something I definitely want to do and it's a lot to be the single person that gets to witness him as his partner over time it's up to me right, like his experience in his life of a partner is up to me, and how well I can do, right?
And I like to think of that with my close relationships with my friends and my kids and my parents and my community is like it's up to me to be what they deserve, and especially with these people that are so precious, like my husband, is like it's up to me to be what they deserve, and especially with these people that are so precious, like my husband, Max, it's like a lot.
It felt like a big responsibility at the time, especially because his mom passed away when he was young. So, it was like I'm here witnessing all your ups and downs and supporting you, and I think that's a real that helps me to see my role in his life, in our children's life, in other people's lives, as a responsibility to be see them, hold them, love them. I'm the one that gets to do it. It's an honor and a responsibility. And then another thing that I think really helps is choosing.
We both know that what we have is really special and we choose it to be really special. So chicken or the egg, right, like one time I read that one of the things that's a hallmark of relationships that last whether they're I think this is of love relationships, but I would apply it to friendships, parent-child relationships, anything, right? Communities is seeing it as unique and special, and we do see it as unique and special.
If we didn't see it as unique and special, would it be unique and special? I don't know, but it's a choice that we make every single day. So, I offer that to you. What relationships might you choose to see in a different way, as very unique and timeless and special and different as something to guard, and how can you honor them and be what they deserve? And then two more things are just that. We have really, really worked on the number one skill.
My opinion, the number one skill in any relationship is to be a good listener. So if you want some support on that, you can listen to the episode that I recorded called Listen to This, or the episode called Being an Illuminator, and I promise you that it is the one skill that has made the biggest difference in all of my relationships and in just becoming more of the person I want to be, is developing my skill over time at listening and really seeing the people around me.
And we all have work to do, ongoing. We can always be better at it. I can definitely be better at it; we can all be. And then, lastly, here's something fun that, again, you could apply to any relationship, depending on how you want to feel.
But around my husband, we've been together for 14 years. Right, had two kids, been through all kinds of life together, but I still like to make myself feel shy around him. I like to make myself feel like I felt when I first had a crush on him, and I barely knew him. And if you try, you can generate feelings like that in your body, like I can make myself look at him and start to feel fluttery and shy and like I have a big crush on him.
And the more I do that, the more accessible that feeling is to me and it's really fun and it makes him feel special and flirted with Right and it's really fun. So, you can do that too, right with any relationship. When I look at my children, I can feel, generate that feeling of like adoration and gratitude for the preciousness of their lives, for my mom and my dad. I can feel immense, immense gratitude that they are in my life and that they are who they are for my dear friends, my closest loves. I can just feel all of these things we've talked about today the preciousness that they are, the responsibility I have to be what they deserve, and just the gratitude, that buzz of aliveness and the energy between us that we get to experience day to day.
So, I hope this episode was fun for you. Please text me and let me know how it lands or DM me or whatever information of mine you have, and I wish you all love and glitter and crushiness in all your relationships and friendships. I love crushing on my friends too, by the way. I give myself that feeling of crushiness on them too, and it just is the best.
That's what I've got for you today, and I will see you all next week.
Thanks for hanging out with me, friends. If you like today's episode and you want more of them, please take two minutes right now to subscribe and give me a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. Then send this episode to a friend. See you next time.
