Welcome to the Bloom Your Mind podcast, where we take all of your ideas for what you want, and we turn them into real things. I'm your host, certified coach Marie McDonald. Let's get into it.
Well, hello everybody and welcome to the Bloom Your Mind podcast. Today I am recording for you, looking out of window into grassy but tropical landscape, backed up by the most beautiful glimmering ocean. As I sit here in Maui with my family, we just spent a week out at the big island with my extended family, with my brothers and their families and my mom and dad, and then we're taking a couple days to be together as a little foursome and spend some quality time, and then we're going to hang out with my husband's family.
So, we've had the beautiful fortune of staying with family the whole time. We were out here, using some hotel points now in between to just have this really incredible time together and what I've found during this time. We have had this incredible adventure so far. We're about halfway through and I'm going to tell you a couple fun things. And then I just I want to tell you a story that linked up to some research that I've been doing lately on having a wonderful life, on generating happiness and flow and peace in your life, on fulfillment, and all of this relating back to what we're talking about here on the podcast, which is bringing your ideas to life.
But first of all, do you know what a coqui frog is? We're all sitting out on this porch, my dad, my husband, my son, myself. Don’t remember who else was there, but we were sitting there, and we started hearing all these sounds and we were like what the heck is that bird? And it was not a bird. We were like is it a bird? Is it a gecko? We were all guessing right. So, I started looking it up on my phone. What does that sound like? And the big island we stayed in Hilo. It's a beautiful jungly part of the big island which I had never been to before. And it's a coqui frog. And you would think from the sound that they make my friends, that they would be the size of your palm, but they are teeny, tiny and they're so cute.
And if you don't know what a coqui frog is, look it up, because it is one of those things that I only know because I was in a part of the world that is not my home. But I'm really glad I know what it is because I grew up out in the wilderness of Southern California where there were crickets as the background, like soundtrack to my life, and when you walk by, when something walks by, they get really quiet. Same with the coqui frogs. Different part of the world, different y'all. I grew up with crickets and coyotes. Out here it's coqui frogs, so that was really wonderful. Look up a coqui frog if you want.
And then, another thing I just wanted to say is that just being open to adventure. So sometimes on vacations we make a lot of plans, but my favorite thing to do and I'm telling you this in case it inspires you when you are either at home in your home city or home place without a plan for the day, or out exploring some other part of the world, my very favorite thing to do is to drive down the road and then take side streets and just spend a day exploring and seeing what happens, without researching maybe some light research around, like what are some cool places to explore, but we didn't even really do that. We had a neighborhood person, local person, be like yo, drive up north.
So, we did it, and driving up this road we started going downside streets was the most epic day of the trip so far. We just found wild swimming holes that we jumped into off rocks and people selling incredible things by the side of the road that they were passionate about, and we bushwhacked through the jungle for a while with all the little kids and just had a blast. So, I wanted to say by saying that that, like if you have never just planned for a couple days on a trip or days off to just go drive down a road and explore, this was like the most magnificent, and one of the things that happened is we went back to that swimming hole and we just followed the river.
After that, as well as just following the road, we followed the river and we went all the way down this river, past all these giant rocks and you know, when you're in a new place, you'll see research, you'll see all these attractions that you can go to. We found waterfalls to go to based on books and recommendations that had like guardrails in front of them and big crowds of people and a parking lot right next to them parking lot right next to them.
But when we followed a road that we didn't know and then found a river that we didn't know and then followed the river that we didn't know and rock hopped all the way until we couldn't go anymore, the thing that stopped us from going was stumbling upon 150-foot waterfall that nobody had told us about, wasn't in any guidebooks.
But we started seeing the river go faster, as we were, you know, swimming down the middle of it and going on the sides, and then we, like, got out of it because, you know, the current was picking up a little bit, just a tiny bit, and so we went down the sides of the river and we walked and walked and walked and got to the edge and it was a giant waterfall and we looked down and it was the most amazing thing. So, here's a little push to not always plan things and just to go explore, because some of the most magnificent things you'll never be able to find by planning.
At the beginning of that river, we found a big rock that we jumped off of into the water, and this is the beginning of the story I wanted to tell you that leads to my research.
So, my seven-year-old son has always seen my husband and I and eventually his big sister that's 11, jump off rocks into water, something we love to do. We love to check out and make sure that it's safe underneath, and then we love to do it. And this time he did it for the first time and he did it by himself, and at first, he went up to the edge and he was kind of nervous and he didn't think he was going to do it. So, he said, great, just watch us. And then he went up to the edge and he said I think I'm going to do it. And he said, great, we'll stand next to you. He said, no, I don't want to. I said, great, no problem. He decided to do it.
He worked up his courage, he ran to the edge, and he jumped. He splashed in the water and when he came up his grin was so big and he did it over and over and over I could not get him to leave and there was so much confidence that was built in him from doing something that scared him a little bit, with people that he loved and trusted. And I have to say that something consistent that I've seen in him and in us as adults is that he did it when he was ready. Nobody pushed him to do it. He didn't push himself to do it.
He wasn't doing it because he thought he had to. He wasn't doing it because he was comparing himself to other people. He was checking in with himself about whether he wanted to or not, and eventually he wanted to and he did it when he was ready, on his terms, and it lit up this fire and this confidence in him and in those few days in between I've seen little changes in him, walking a little taller, metaphorically right. He's got a little bit of confidence. Then today he's so.
After the big island, we came over to Maui and my husband, my daughter and I were swimming out in the ocean, and we always stayed real shallow. My son can swim.
When my son is with us, we stay pretty shallow. He's not used to his feet not touching the ground. Today was the first day that he swam out where his feet couldn't touch and at first, he was really nervous and we said, great, let's stay shallow. And he got the look on his face, and he swam out a little farther and we went with him.
My husband and I stayed right on either side of him and he, you know, he swam for a bit. He did the eggbeaters, he swam for a bit and then he got that look on his face Like he was excited, and my husband said, hey, everybody, should we go down to the rock? Should we swim down to the rocks? Rocks were really far away. Everybody nodded, everyone was excited.
We knew we could swim into the shore at any time, right, we're swimming along the beach, so any second that anyone got tired we could swim in. Everything was safe and my son probably said, yes, maybe for that reason as well. So we're swimming along and as we swim, we swim all the way down to the other side. It takes us like 20 minutes. His feet have not touched the ground once. My husband and I are on both sides of him, but kind of you know, as he swims, he starts swimming farther and farther away from us.
I had in my head this image of a mama, otter and a juvenile otter and I was laughing with my husband. I was like if extraterrestrials saw us, they would say the adults are training the juvenile for survival. We were just close enough where he could come to us if he needed us, but really encouraging his exploration of the world, not being like are you okay, are you okay, not helicoptering, staying close should you need us, keeping a watchful eye because it's the ocean, right, but his feet had not touched the ground. So, we get all the way to the end. There are turtles swimming beneath us. It was amazing.
And then we turned around. He swims all the way back. But he goes out deeper, he swims deeper towards the sort of darker part of the ocean. Right, he's got this confidence and we're still right next to him, my friends. He stayed out there for 45 minutes with us. He never wanted to come in. That is a long time for a little body.
He was so inspired by his own confidence that he stayed out there so long, and I just saw so much energy and life and glitter in that smile. I was so happy for him, and he had his family around him cheering him on, but not making a big deal. Okay, I was not saying go, go go. I was holding myself back, because if I do that with my 11-year-old I get some eye rolls. Okay, so I kept it chill, all right.
So, what I wanted to share with this rock jumping with this ocean, swimming with this courage and the confidence that it brought, and the risk-taking right Like safe risk-taking, because it's on our own terms is that it lines up with so much of what I've found through my work over the last five years in coaching, through my work leading groups in the Bloom Room.
I read a lot; I do a lot of research. When we are younger, it becomes easy for us to push ourselves a little bit. It comes more easily for many reasons because of all the reasons we know about youth, but also because it's clear to him that that's what's important, right. It's clear to my son, it's clear to a child, which exploring the world is what is important. That is, their purpose is being themselves in the world and finding themselves in the world, seeing what they can do, playing, having fun, right.
But also, it is in line with everything that I read. It is in line with everything we do in the Bloom Room, because the Bloom Room is based on how to have a happy life and contribute at your highest level as who you are right. The work that I do it's the most important thing and this inspired me so much. The work that I do it's the most important thing and this inspires me so much when we are turning our ideas into real things, it makes us feel alive because those ideas are coming from our heart, from our passion.
So, as we get older, when it becomes a little bit harder for us to keep on swimming or do the harder thing, when we don't have that direct purpose, that direct reason for being like a child does, which is like exploring, finding out who they are, exploring the world and playing right. Then what do we do?
Well, let me tell you about a couple studies that I've recently read. So I read an article it was in CNBC, written by Renee Onque I don't know if I'm pronouncing her last name correctly, but it was about a study that they did, talking to 100 people that lived beyond what is typical in Japan, in Okinawa specifically, which is a blue zone, a place where people live longer than is typical. They talked to 100 people and there were three things that people said were their key to a happy and long life. The first one, not surprisingly, was to move for at least five minutes a day. That is consistent. I'm not going to focus on that one today, but the second one is something called ikigai finding your life's purpose.
The women in Japan, and specifically many of the women, said this is the second most important thing to longevity ikigai having a purpose, being fully engaged in action that aligns with your purpose in your life, and because of this, the women there have less cancer, less heart disease and less dementia. Amazing right, finding a purpose. And then the third thing was being in a flow state.
But let's go back to that idea of finding your purpose. I've talked about this a lot over the podcast, and I want to say that recently I've read another article that substantiates it was research that a hospice worker did after a whole lifetime of working with people at end of life, finding that the number one regret that people have on their deathbeds is that they didn't live a life.
That is true to them, that ikigai, that purpose. So not only are we finding that having a purpose has us live longer, but also at the end of life without a purpose, that's the thing that we regret. What was extra interesting to me also is that disease rates are lower for people that are in a flow state, more a state where you lose track of time, and you feel sort of aligned with what you are doing. And you feel sort of aligned with what you are doing.
You are doing something that just makes you feel alive and that makes you feel that sense of just like I'm not even aware of who I am. I'm just doing a thing and I lose track of time and I'm not really logically thinking about what I'm doing in that self-conscious way. I'm just doing so it has been remarkable to me to think lately about how deeply having a purpose, an ikigai, how deeply that impacts our entire life's experience.
This is our life. This is the one time that you are here as you are, on this planet, no matter what you believe, right? I mean, maybe there are some belief systems that are not aligned with that, but let's say that most of us believe that you, with your face and your voice and your set of lived experiences, are here right now, living this life this one time. Data shows, right, research shows you will have a significantly better life experience if you have a life purpose and if you can manage your mind. So, what am I talking about with that? And how does this go back to the story right of the ocean?
Well, we talked about how children tend to have a purpose that's just lined up for them and oftentimes, as human beings, which extends to our young adult years. We want to find out who we are, we want to explore their world, we want to figure out where we're going to live and whether we're going to have a family, what kind of family, whether we're going to have a partner. What are we going to do for vocation. There's lots of things that we're deciding that give us purpose in the beginning of our lives and once we settle in, we have to create that ikigai.
We have to create that purpose intentionally and that a child swimming in the ocean they know that that's aligned with their purpose and it's also a flow state they're exploring right. How can we replicate that as adults? We have to find our ikigai, find the purpose, find the mission for our life, and do that with more of our time, a capacity and time to follow through on our purpose and our mission, to choose to do things that are in line with our life's purpose and mission.
And our stress response gets in the way of our flow state Okay. So how do we do that? How do we manage our mind? Well, first, let me just share a little bit of data for those of you that are not convinced yet to say that okay, and when we allow our brains to just go on autopilot which we're seeing is happening a lot in the world these days that a lot of people are stressed out because we have a lot of information coming at us all the time. That makes things look easy.
And you know, we just watched the Barbie movie. I watched it with my daughter. We both cried. My husband cried too because it was so beautifully said. But the amount of pressure that is on women and I'm sure on all of us makes us feel that we have to be good at everything and do everything and have everything, and that there's so much criticism and judgment coming at us all the time. There's one speech that this girl's mom makes in that movie what that is so beautiful and that encapsulates the experience that I have had as a woman in our culture so well.
There's so much pressure and it can create a lot of toxic thinking. It can create a lot of stress response and that really works against us.
Many researchers now believe that toxic stress is responsible for up to approximately 90% of illness, including heart disease, cancer and diabetes. This is coming an expert from a book called your Mental Mess by Dr Caroline Leaf. This blew my mind. She goes on to say only 5 to 10% of disease is said to come from genetic factors alone. 5% to 10% y'all.
When we're in toxic thinking states, when our brain is just circling, stress around our mind, right, it releases stress hormones in our bodies, such as cortisol and homocysteine, which impact the immune system, the cardiovascular system and the neurological system. All of our systems are impacted by excessive stress, and they compromise our immune system and make us more prone to disease and sickness. And for the first time this is the second thing that I read in this book that blew my mind. Our life expectancy is going down. It is going down as a result of controllable lifestyle choices.
So, most of the things that have been decreasing are life expectancy or stress-related. They're either stress and cortisol, these hormones impacting us, that are increasing our rates of disease, or they are lifestyle choices like alcohol use, drug use, people that choose to end their lives. There's more depression and anxiety because people are not managing their minds. When we do not choose to manage our minds and manage what we are doing with our time, when we do not choose to intercept the stress cycle and start saying no to all the things that we're supposed to be good at and all the things that are expected of us, when we don't do that, it is hurting us significantly.
So I wanted to bring you this today because to me, this is irrefutable evidence that the most important work that we can do as people for ourselves, for our children, for the world is to find our purpose, the one thing that we can contribute, the thing where our passion, our flow state lines up with what the world needs and tell everything else no.
Set up boundaries to eliminate things that get in the way of us doing things in line with our ikigai. Managing our mind. Learning to manage our stress response through mind management. I teach all of this in the Bloom Room, and you can find it in other places in the books that I link to and the things I talk about on the podcast mind management and purpose.
The other two things I'll just say here are having a gratitude practice that you use daily. Tony Robbins has an amazing one. I don't know a lot of his work, but he has this gratitude practice where you just fill up your whole body to the place where you feel the sensation all up and down your body, just to a soul level, where you feel the incredible feeling of gratitude. And having a gratitude practice that just lights you up every single day. Just lights you up every single day. And then, lastly, finding our purpose managing our mind and our stress response.
Having boundaries to say no to the things that aren't in line with our purpose, which don't feel good to us, that cause us stress, practicing gratitude and letting ourselves be where we are. Don't jump off that rock. Don't swim in that deep water until you're ready. Maybe you're in the part where you're going a couple more feet out. Be there, man. Let yourself be where you are, with the eye on where you want to go next, for fun, for love, for ikigai, not because you're comparing yourself with anybody else.
You know, when we were out there in the deeper water, my husband kept saying okay, when we get tired, we conserve our energy. We float on our back. Where can you float on your back and conserve your energy? You can float a little bit. You can do that when you're following your life's purpose, when things get too stressful. When my son got too tired, he came and leaned on my husband or me. He would check in for a sec, 10 seconds. He'd come and put his weight on us and then he'd jump off again.
Who are the people around you that you can lean on when you get tired? What are the things that you can say no to, that are pulling you away from your flow state, from your purpose, and what is your ikigai? What's the thing that will keep you swimming out into deep blue water, even when it's a little bit scary? What's the thing that will have you adventuring in new places?
That's what I've got for you today. I love you all and I will see you next week.
Thanks for hanging out with me, friends. If you like today's episode and you want more of them, please take two minutes right now to subscribe and give me a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. Then send this episode to a friend. See you next time.
