Monday Mindset: The Only Person You Can Control is You
Jun 10, 2024
Caitlin Mitchell
Ever feel weighed down by anger and frustration? In this Monday Mindset, discover practical steps to unburden yourself from negative emotions and foster positive relationships. By focusing on your own journey and not letting others' negativity affect you, you can build a more resilient and fulfilling life.
I discuss the common frustration of unmet expectations and the futility of hoping others will change. Instead, I urge you to consider the power you have over your own actions and emotions. Accepting people as they are and taking responsibility for your own well-being can transform your life. Learn how to redirect your energy from frustration and judgment towards self-improvement and personal development.
Ever feel weighed down by anger and frustration? In this Monday Mindset, discover practical steps to unburden yourself from negative emotions and foster positive relationships. By focusing on your own journey and not letting others' negativity affect you, you can build a more resilient and fulfilling life.
I discuss the common frustration of unmet expectations and the futility of hoping others will change. Instead, I urge you to consider the power you have over your own actions and emotions. Accepting people as they are and taking responsibility for your own well-being can transform your life. Learn how to redirect your energy from frustration and judgment towards self-improvement and personal development.
Here's to another day of intentional living!
Speaker 1:
Well, hello teachers, and welcome to your Monday Mindset podcast episode. These are short, little snippets of thoughts, reflections that I share with you on a weekly basis, that are focused around mindset things that we can do to live our best lives, to live an intentional life, and I invite you to not just listen to these for yourself and how they apply to you in your life, but consider sharing them with other people too. Consider sharing them with your students every Monday and having a conversation about it and doing a reflection together, because I think a lot of these thoughts, these topics, these questions are just a part of being human, and sometimes being human can feel lonely and to know that other people are struggling through some of the same challenges that you are and are benefiting from having these types of conversations is hugely powerful in allowing us to get to be the best version of ourselves, to take who we are and who we be and who we show up in the world as to that next level. So I really hope that you enjoy these Monday Mindsets and, if you do, let us know over on our Instagram at Evie Academics. Thanks so much for listening and let's dive into our Monday Mindset.
Speaker 1:
Welcome back to another Monday Mindset. You guys, today I want to talk about a vital topic that is very hard for, I think, most people I know I struggle with this too sometimes and that's really letting go of anger, frustration, judgment towards other people and really starting to focus on what you can control, which is yourself at the end of the day. And I just think about the fact that, as humans, we've all been in this experience. Right, it's just a part of being human is that someone will do something that annoys us, that disappoints us or that doesn't meet our expectations, and we get upset. And I think a lot of the times it's really easy to fall into the trap of wishing that people would be different. You know, why can't you just be more considerate? Why can't you just be more understanding? Why can't you just think like how I think you should? Why can't you just be what I think you should be like? But the truth is, at the end of the day, like that's not your journey to have for that person. That person very likely has to go through a lot of their own experiences to understand, like, the patterns as to why they do certain things a certain way or show up a certain way in your life, and the harsh reality of that is that the opposite of the coin is you. The only person that you can control is yourself.
Speaker 1:
And I think a lot of this comes back to I've talked about this before that we are responsible for our own happiness, not somebody else. And so, yes, can you be disappointed? Yes, can you be frustrated, yes, can you be angry, a hundred percent. I think that those are valid emotions and a part of just the human experience. And, at the end of the day, we can't change other people, but we can change ourselves and we can change where we choose to put our energy and our focus so that we can focus on our own growth and our own happiness, not through the lens of somebody else.
Speaker 1:
And I think about a lot of the times. You know what triggers us to get mad or get angry or get upset, and you know I'm not talking about extreme circumstances, I'm talking about just little moments with people where we feel a certain way about something. And I think, a lot of the times, it's because we have these expectations and we expect people to behave in certain ways that align with those expectations, with those values, with those beliefs. But I think that we have to remember that that's not going to be necessarily them, that's not going to be their values, their beliefs, their beliefs, their expectations, and so when they don't meet our expectations, to us it feels like sometimes an attack or like a personal affront to us, but really, at the end of the day, it's about them and their journey and their experiences and their challenges and their perspectives that shape who they are, that shape who they act, and just like it is for you as well. And so I'm not suggesting that we had just like stop getting angry or stop getting upset or stop getting disappointed. I don't think that that would be healthy for us. But I do think about like, how much time do we spend there ruminating on it, getting upset and just frustrated and more and more down that rabbit hole.
Speaker 1:
And I think the hardest part about that, and where it really starts with, is with acceptance that people are just they're who they are. People are just who they are, not who we wish them to be. And I'm not saying that you have to agree with everything that they do or allow it or let them walk all over you or condone certain behavior. You do not have to stay in those relationships with people, but I do think that it means recognizing that you're not going to change them. Only they can change them. They are their own person. You cannot control their actions, their reactions, et cetera.
Speaker 1:
And so, because you can't and it's not your responsibility to do so, what can you focus on? What is your responsibility? And that's you, who you are when you show up and where you choose to put your focus and put your energy. And so, when we start to feel this way and this anger and this frustration which, yes, feel that it's normal, it's healthy, and try not to sit there for too long, try not to take up all of your energy on that. Don't let that be an energy leak from your life and instead start to focus on you and loving you and yourself and what makes you happy. So I want to focus on just a few things that you can do to try to shift your focus and shift your energy, because it can be very hard, especially when you're stuck in this like negative feedback loop that just keeps going and going in circles and you're like, oh my gosh, I feel like I'm hitting my head against a wall, really practicing self-awareness, because sometimes we'll get mad at somebody for something that really did not warrant that reaction from us, but because of the way that the situation unfolded, it triggered us, and so we just need to start to kind of understand oh, what came up for me just then? Why did I get so triggered and frustrated and angry? Why did I blow up all of a sudden? What is it underneath that? And start to kind of ask yourself these questions and just being aware of when it happens.
Speaker 1:
The other thing is setting boundaries. It is absolutely okay to set boundaries with people who consistently behave in ways that upset you. Okay to set boundaries with people who consistently behave in ways that upset you. Boundaries are a very healthy way to protect your peace without trying to change somebody else. There's somebody in my life like this that I have to have very clear boundaries with, and whether or not they choose to respect those boundaries is their choice, and whether or not I choose to continue to allow them to be a part of my life is my choice. Sometimes we can't do anything about that because a lot of times they're family, but even still, we could do something about that. But when we set our boundaries and we hold the line with those boundaries, what we're saying is I will not tolerate being treated that way and I think that's extremely important for a lot of us to do.
Speaker 1:
And then I also think about, you know, practicing empathy. You know, when someone has wronged me or harmed me or done something to me, I take a step back, probably a little bit later, after I've had some time to process the interaction or whatever it is that's happened. And I think about like the interaction or whatever it is that's happened, and I think about, like what was underneath that for them, like where are they hurting that they would have it in them to say that to me, to treat me like that, and I think that that's really helpful because it helps to reduce that anger, it increases understanding and it helps us see like everybody's going through something. Everybody's got their own stuff, everybody's got their own skeletons, everybody's got their own past, that we're all just trying to do our best. And then the last thing is like really focusing on your growth.
Speaker 1:
One of the greatest gifts I ever gave myself was focusing on my own personal development, what I want in this life, who I want to be, who am I? What are the things that have impacted the way that I show up? Where can I go back into some of my childhood experiences and have understanding and empathy for what came up for my parents when they were raising me. You know, I just think about like all of the things that I have had the privilege of experiencing in such a positive, beautiful light all stemmed from the choice to start to work on myself and be the best version of who I can possibly be, because it is not my journey to have for other people, this is my journey to have for me and it's your journey to have for you.
Speaker 1:
And I think that as you start to practice these steps at least this is what I've noticed in my own life is that you start to find just this kind of like alignment of peace, you feel lighter, you feel less burdened by anger and frustration, and some of your relationships might improve. Maybe, maybe not, but at least now you can start to think about boundaries with people and ultimately, instead of letting this anger, this frustration, this disappointment, be an energy vampire of yours where, like you, let your energy leak out of you. Energy vampire of yours where, like you, let your energy leak out of you. Don't do that. Harness that energy to put into the things that truly matter to you in developing who you are as a person, and so I really hope that this concept serves you in some greater capacity.
Speaker 1:
I really want you to think about, you know, just this thought of like. That is not my journey to have. That is that person's journey. I don't have to tolerate it, I don't have to allow it. I can set boundaries around it, and what I can focus on is myself and my own journey and my own transformation. So here's to another great week of living life intentionally.
