A Contagious Smile Podcast
Laughter and Resilience: Michael and Victoria's Narrative on Narcissism, Family Antics, and Overcoming Adversity
Ever wondered how a playful joke about a colonoscopy could lead to a profound discussion on narcissism? Join us as we kick off with Michael's upcoming procedure and veer into Victoria's literary adventures, including her quirky prequel "Nart Nart: Who’s There?" We break down narcissism—its roots, the role of upbringing, and why it’s crucial to break negative cycles. Through our own stories, we stress the power of nurturing a loving environment over bowing to societal pressures and insecurities.
Get ready to laugh as we share the joy of everyday family moments. From funny antics with my wife to the stress and humor of parenting a child who’s faced medical challenges, we show how laughter can strengthen relationships. Whether it's joking around in the aisles of Walmart or finding humor in the chaos of family life, we spotlight the importance of a positive outlook and cherishing the little things.
Finally, we tackle resilience and humor in the face of adversity. Hear my personal journey through amputation and countless surgeries, and discover how a lighthearted approach made all the difference. Through interactions with people who have gloomy perspectives and uplifting stories like empowering a young girl with leg braces, we highlight the transformative power of empathy and kindness. With playful banter and reflections on family dynamics, we wrap up by celebrating the vital role of laughter and mutual support in maintaining strong, loving relationships.
Ever wondered how a playful joke about a colonoscopy could lead to a profound discussion on narcissism? Join us as we kick off with Michael's upcoming procedure and veer into Victoria's literary adventures, including her quirky prequel "Nart Nart: Who’s There?" We break down narcissism—its roots, the role of upbringing, and why it’s crucial to break negative cycles. Through our own stories, we stress the power of nurturing a loving environment over bowing to societal pressures and insecurities.
Get ready to laugh as we share the joy of everyday family moments. From funny antics with my wife to the stress and humor of parenting a child who’s faced medical challenges, we show how laughter can strengthen relationships. Whether it's joking around in the aisles of Walmart or finding humor in the chaos of family life, we spotlight the importance of a positive outlook and cherishing the little things.
Finally, we tackle resilience and humor in the face of adversity. Hear my personal journey through amputation and countless surgeries, and discover how a lighthearted approach made all the difference. Through interactions with people who have gloomy perspectives and uplifting stories like empowering a young girl with leg braces, we highlight the transformative power of empathy and kindness. With playful banter and reflections on family dynamics, we wrap up by celebrating the vital role of laughter and mutual support in maintaining strong, loving relationships.
Good evening. Welcome to a confusing, yet another episode of a contagious smile Unstoppable. My husband looks like he ate the canary because he's sitting here with this shit eating grin on his face and not telling me what he's up to. Anybody knows, michael. When he looks like that, he's done something or he's trying to get away with something. So what is it? See Nothing, something. Or he's trying to get away with something. So what is it? See nothing? Uh-uh? No, absolutely not. What is it? No, don't look at me and point your finger. Look at that big old jug waiting on you. There's a big jug with his name on it waiting on him. He's going to do his colonoscopy and he got in the mail a jug of preparatory work and he thought that Faith and I pranked him, which I thought was hysterical because I had nothing to do with it and didn't know about it.
Speaker 1:So what is it that you are withholding Nothing? Bull crap.
Speaker 2:Nothing Seriously.
Speaker 1:You said to me we're going to go podcast, so let's talk about it okay so now we're here, we're on air, so let's film. So we're gonna talk about your books oh shit, is that what the grin's been about? Yep, you sideswept me on this. Sideswept because I didn't know this was coming.
Speaker 2:Sideswept, sure, whatever all right about your books. Shit. What do you mean? Shit.
Speaker 1:Because you just put me in a pile of crap without any warning.
Speaker 2:Well, you're almost done with the book. Right, Kind of One of fourteen you got into works no.
Speaker 1:Not fourteen.
Speaker 2:Whatever?
Speaker 1:Eight, whatever.
Speaker 2:And your book is Nart Nart.
Speaker 1:Who's there?
Speaker 2:Right. Which ever do I have to put up with today?
Speaker 1:Nart Nart. Who's there? But it's Nart Nart System.
Speaker 2:It'll be coming out soon, right? Yes?
Speaker 1:It's the prequel to who Kicked First.
Speaker 2:First, now you got me on tongue tied because I was not go on amazon and buy. Who kicked first? By? Victoria the curate what.
Speaker 1:This is your child here, go ahead. I had no idea we were talking about my books. What about them? We always talk about you?
Speaker 2:no, we don't, I don. We were talking about my books. What about them? We always talk about you?
Speaker 1:No, we don't. I don't like talking about me.
Speaker 2:This is your wheelhouse. How many people out there have been listening to you for years? Us.
Speaker 1:Not me.
Speaker 2:Us you specifically no.
Speaker 1:No, you know, perception is a real bitch. Really, it is Like like when you say to people let's use the example that you used earlier like you got up at 11, right, so this is what you said to me. But when you say that to someone, you're like wow, that person's really lazy, doesn't do much and just lays on their ass and sleeps, right. But if you say oh well, I went to bed at two o'clock last night, I got up at three, went downstairs, stayed up to like seven or eight, seven thirty ish, went back upstairs and laid down from eight to eleven and been up ever since.
Speaker 1:That gives you a whole different overview. It doesn't make you take a person's lady right, so it's like when a narcissist says, oh, this person is whatever, but they don't give you anything behind it. It's all about their perception. And this book is going to bring to light what really is going through the minds of those narcissistic people.
Speaker 2:So why are they so narcissistic? Are you talking about who in general? Yeah, sure they're bullies, right?
Speaker 1:Yes, because they are insecure within themselves.
Speaker 2:So were they picked on in school, picked on in their early years of childhood.
Speaker 1:Not all of them. That's like saying you and I would be a narcissist because we were picked on and had so we had, we had a free choice right. We chose to break the cycle and not let it continue. Like you know, as many times as I've said this, I know I've said it many it's like.
Speaker 1:I asked my grandma that time how could she have raised my biological dad when they are so amazing? My grandparents were amazing and she said I could ask the same thing about you. And I didn't understand that because I was too young when she told me this. And the fact of the matter is, is that now it makes sense because you can take the values put in front of you and you can either implement them into your life or you could say, to help them, to flush them down the toilet and be a poppist ass, basically. And so some people chose to be that way and some people would care more about money and the perception of what other people think of them than to have a loving, unconditionally safe, trusting environment. That's a home versus a house. You know you're so big about environment.
Speaker 2:That's a home versus a house you know you're you're so big about. I just lost my train of thought, because I just looked over and saw your burrito boulevard slide your grandma, yes.
Speaker 1:So it's about you know who you are. Like the opinions. Do they matter to you, what other people think, or do you care about? Like helping others and being there and being a good person? You stop the cycle, or do you? You know, I can't say it's a legacy, but do you want to live the legacy of your mom? Do you want to be the legacy of your mother? And actually she did.
Speaker 1:You did for a while and it caused us to break up. Or do you want to be the amazing, sweet, loyal person you are?
Speaker 2:And that's what brought us back together.
Speaker 1:You're calling me sweet, you can be. There are a few in-between moments, but they're there.
Speaker 2:Okay, that was very insightful, thank you.
Speaker 1:I mean, how do you think you would be today, Would you have kept on that road of being promiscuous and just you know, unhappy and settling like you had?
Speaker 2:for so long.
Speaker 1:No, I would have stayed miserable had I not married you. No, I'm talking about in general in life, not just in a relationship with a significant other or a partner. I'm talking about overall. I mean, you just weren't happy in your life period, you weren't happy.
Speaker 2:Even though those were traits that were on one side of my family not you, dad I never felt a need to portray them or act upon them in my life. I guess if you were bullied, let's say back in school and that's all you know, you're going to lean one way or the other. You're going to become a bully because you got bullied and that's all you know. You're going to lean one way or the other.
Speaker 2:You're going to become a bully because you got bullied and that's what you grew up knowing so, if your parents are narcissistic, you grow up and then you turn around and you're narcissistic to your coworkers, to your children, to other people around you, To your grandchildren. Yes, so to me it wasn't a hard thing to. I mean, it was just an unconscious decision for me. You know, hey, you know, I don't want to jump off a bridge. You know, Right right.
Speaker 1:Like, and my husband will tell you, I do not see myself the way he sees me. Is that a fair statement?
Speaker 2:You're gorgeous, you're beautiful. That a fair statement. You're gorgeous, you're beautiful, you're intelligent. You sexy, vixen. You whatever.
Speaker 1:Anyway, now that he spewed shit out of us now, you should just say that for your conoscopy. But I showed him pictures of me when I was in high school and middle school. Well, let's leave that out.
Speaker 2:Let's go to just high school pictures.
Speaker 1:So I showed him a picture of me in high school and, be honest, what did you think of the pictures?
Speaker 2:The early 90s pictures of you. You're welcome. Thanks, you were a hottie. You were a simple, plain hottie. How's that Plain?
Speaker 1:Like plain Jane.
Speaker 2:No, you were that undercover playboy, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what is an undercover playboy? Undercover, I've never heard that term. Well, I just made it up that's why I never heard it before.
Speaker 2:I'll put it in the dictionary great, the redneck dictionary?
Speaker 1:yes, so I never got hit on in school and my husband found that to be unbelievably hard to believe, but I didn't. I wasn't because I was very much to myself.
Speaker 1:Uh, I was captain of the debate team and I was competing and I was doing all these other things, but like I didn't see myself that way, because I had already lost my grandfather at that point and I had heard all of these horrific things growing up about me being judged against my brother and being judged just in general, and so I didn't see what everybody did in the mirror and so I kind of portrayed that you know image. But I was also the person at school that if you picked on somebody I was going to be right there as their shield, front and center.
Speaker 2:No questions asked right, so let's back up to captain okay you now have a title Because I was really good at debating. Exactly the next word is of the debating yes, okay, what boy? What boy wants to come into a relationship with the captain?
Speaker 1:The book nerds like me right no they're too mealy mouse, what, yes?
Speaker 2:So it's inevitable you have to have a stud like me come into your life to rein you in. No but her and I. I say this and don't take this out of context but her and I fit together real well, as far as being on the same page. You know, it's like that every day you know, we, we y'all say you finish each of the thoughts or sentences, you know, and we're just. We've been there for so many years and we just work really well together, so it's not boring we know that y'all can uh find your, your true soulmate out there.
Speaker 2:No, like, like my wife says, we, we go to bed, we sit there, we crack up laughing until one of us gets up and does P's or P's in our bed.
Speaker 1:In the bed. No, I'm like, stop it, you're going to make me pee. And P says the same thing and I mean we laugh until we can't breathe and we're coughing. Because we're laughing so hard we can't breathe, and that's normal and I love it, because faith is like again, would y'all stop? Oh, my god, you know, or she'll get into it and come in there because we're still doing her medical care and stuff at night and um, she'll get in there and start laughing like I think this is hilarious, that this kid, who I think she'd be safe saying this you know, she has this tube still from this massive surgery and when you open it she can make her tube fart. She can make it fart and it's hilarious.
Speaker 2:It's not hilarious Because she does it to you. She farts stomach shit on me.
Speaker 1:Oh like, and it is straight stomach vial and so it's putrid, the smell is putrid and she cracks up laughing and then, just when you think she's done, she rips it from the back and it is absolutely one of the funniest things ever and it's just those moments like that, that is just. You know, it's what you live for. Are those simple moments, moments where your kids fart on you? It's?
Speaker 2:all that's what you live for are those simple moments, moments where your kid's farting on you. It's all working. That's what you live for.
Speaker 1:I live for anything she's around for, because you know, but it's, it's laughter is the best medicine of life, like really it is, and if you can't just laugh and enjoy life you know, we've been talking about a lot of serious things off air lately.
Speaker 1:I had to go to one of my least favorite places in the world yesterday, which is Walmart, and I went in there to get a couple of things and as I was getting ready to check out, the cashier is sitting there playing his phone and I was like I'm so sorry, I don't mean to interrupt you, he like I'm just playing a game, hold on a second.
Speaker 1:And I waited until he finished his. Whatever he was doing on this game, and if you ever have seen me, I either wear my nub in my like pocket or my pouch, my hangry pouch, which is brilliant for me because it holds stuff and so I was unloading and he hadn't seen it yet and I was like, oh, come on, you gotta smile, life's too short not to be happy, you gotta laugh and he was like yeah, okay whatever I was like.
Speaker 1:What could be so bad that you just can't, you know, put a smile? On it and I was like I'm sorry, is it because you were losing?
Speaker 2:your game or I interrupted your game.
Speaker 1:He was like like no, I'm just kind of just whatever. And I was like, oh well, you know what? I bet I can make you smile because you're not dealing with this. And I took out my handless arm and he goes, oh. And I was like, yeah, I'm still getting used to it. And he just kind of you know, and I'm like see, life's too short not to enjoy this moment. And I didn't really mean to shove it in his face and smear it in, but seriously, if I could walk around and not be a sour bitch all the time which I do then I don't want to hear somebody who has all of their bearings complain about whatever. That's just ridiculous.
Speaker 2:And what would you say to those sour bitches?
Speaker 1:it depends what they're bitching about this.
Speaker 2:Let's say they have some deformity or some some amputation, those are the ones that normally have the best attitude okay, let's say that you, you'd be one that has a sour attitude, that hates life, hates everybody.
Speaker 1:It's everybody else's fault I didn't know, whatever the circumstance, when I went to pre-op and the lady was like, oh my god, I'm having my third surgery. Nobody's ever had this many surgeries.
Speaker 2:Remember that.
Speaker 1:And I was like oh really. And I said I'm so sorry, and I was like is there anything I can do to help this is what I do I advocate, you know, and I was like maybe you know she's like well.
Speaker 1:I'm going to get nauseous, I'm going to. Well, you can get a patch behind your ear that can help with nausea. You can ask them for that. And I said you could also ask to do Zofran during the surgery and ask for it afterwards, which is great for nausea as well, and it works really great one-on-one with the patch. And she's like well, nobody understands, because I've never met anyone who's ever had this many surgeries. Yeah, yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, oh, I said, well, they fight back there to see who's gonna get me, because I bring treats. And she's like what. And I was like yeah, I think I'm scheduling in. This was like my 108th surgery or something like that. She was like what and I was like, oh yeah, and I don't remember what she was getting. I wanted to use it, had something to do with like sinuses or something.
Speaker 1:I don't know it was not a big surgery in and I'm not comparing anything I've been through to anybody else at all. But if you put two things on the table and said here it's sinusitis or it's amputation, let's be real, right. And this was my amputated pre-op. So she just looks at me and I was like, oh, good luck getting your nose cleaned out. I'm getting my arm chopped off, you know. You just look at her and I have people stare at me a lot and say, oh my god, what happened to?
Speaker 1:you I was like, oh my god, I probably had to say, doctor, you're about to go under. You know? I mean, if they're being stupid, I'll be like I hope you're not having the surgery that they need my arm. That would really suck, because I think you mixed up my record this time, buddy, oh, that would be horrible, but HIPAA won't let me tell you who he is. You know, and I do things like that, but you have to laugh. If you're gonna be a bitch and not have compassion for somebody else, then you know, one of my favorite moments and Faith was so agitated is I saw this beautiful little girl who had the braces on her legs and she was hating life. She was so miserable and the mom was just beside herself, mad as all get out, and we were at the medical building where we went to for her six hour testing, and so she was down there and I was like, oh, and I was like you're so beautiful and little girl wouldn't say anything.
Speaker 1:And I was like I told the mom what I did, who I was, and asked if I could talk to her. And she said, of course, good luck, like really just fed up with her kid. And I was like who's your favorite cartoon character? She's like strawberry shortcake. And I was like who knows these days about strawberry shortcake? And I was like that's awesome, that's awesome, I love her. And I said you know what? I'm so jealous because you have the coolest leg things I've ever seen in my life. And she goes what the first thing you do is you always get down and get eye level to them, because then they feel like you're on their level. You know you're not intimidating them. And I was like that is so cool. I hate the doctor, I'm not going, I want to go. She's pitching a fit. I was like did you just stop that thing? They made the coolest sound drum. You're walking with drums. It was just so cool. So I said what if I could help you make those into something really cool? So of course I reach into my bag.
Speaker 1:I always have tricks and stuff in there and I had one of those fidget things and I said well, I don't have any stickers, but you can hold this fidget thing for me. And I told mom, I said you know.
Speaker 2:Go to the dollar store.
Speaker 1:Buy every single bloody pack of the same strawberry shortcake stickers for going Amazon, ebay, whatever. Buy them out and then take pictures of the boot all the way around and then every time you go and they shorten it, go back and put the stickers exactly where they were before. She'll never know the difference, and so she was like okay, and I gave her our card and she actually wrote me and said oh my god the kid loves going to the doctor now she thinks that she's a superstar.
Speaker 1:It's moments like that that you know you just want to look at the mom and just be like you need to take note from your kid because she's a firefighter, like she's just a fire starter. You know she's amazing and dumb people make my head hurt. You know she's amazing and dumb people make my head hurt. That's awesome I mean, those are the sweet moments y'all see what I live with dr victoria curate.
Speaker 2:She's freaking awesome y'all no be sure to write her, email, her, contact her and get to us uh on website at contagioussmilecom as y'all know and y'all can check out her many, many books and articles and books and, oh my gosh, so many things. There's classes online now that y'all can take. There's we still have videos of dogs, of course, of course.
Speaker 1:Yes, and then we're looking at other things also we are looking at other things also and you know if you have something going on that you want to talk about.
Speaker 1:I am a certified counselor for the Amputee Coalition as well. Well, and you know, every time I just did a conference with them and I was the only one in this meeting that had a hand amputation I mean. And they say that like the amputation of hands, just like one for every, like ten thousand or what I don't know the raw hand. But it's ridiculous. Everybody has legs and everybody in the chat in the community room was like I'd rather lose both my legs in the bar, hands down. And I agree.
Speaker 1:I agree because my husband and I were talking earlier and there are things that happen now that, quite frankly, they suck. Um, I made my husband an apple pie and I went to put it in the stove. Luckily, I had just preheated it and, not even knowing, I pulled the oven down and my nub, as we call it, was resting on the oven door. I didn't even know it. I mean, what did you do the other day? I had no idea about. You've been doing it a lot lately that I had no idea.
Speaker 2:Working.
Speaker 1:No, this is a time for humor. What Anything having to do?
Speaker 2:with my nose. Oh, I have a bad habit of kissing my wife. That's not a bad habit. Well, I may also lick you to death. He thinks he's a dog Like a dog, and I find it hilarious. I do not, my wife does not. Guys out there, have you ever sucked on your wife's eyeball?
Speaker 1:it's gross, it's annoying, like he walks up to me like he's my well he is my original stucco, but everybody knows stucco is my service dog and jane, after my husband, by faith, and my husband will walk up and I know all the women will agree with me. My husband walks up and licks me on the face like a freaking dog, like like up the side of my face, and it gives me the edgs. I just don't like it, not to mention that you know, and he's like you, let the dogs do, okay, I?
Speaker 1:know where the dog's mouth is Just saying Like it's just different. They eat their own throw up. You're being some nasty shit. Let me just call a spade a spade. Back to the no yes subject.
Speaker 2:So the other night I was kissing on her nub or licking on her nub, whatever I was doing and she had no feeling. She didn't even register that I was touching her.
Speaker 1:I was watching some stupid thing and I had no idea he was doing it and that's.
Speaker 2:you know that's a sad aspect of losing a limb. You know you have a lot of muscle and nerve damage. Not everybody loses feeling, no feeling down there.
Speaker 1:Not everybody loses feeling. I sit in the office chair and I actually have one of amputated um assisted pad things in the chair for me, so but I don't even realize how much weight I'm putting on my limb. And next thing, you know, my shoulder, my upper arm, it hurts tremendously because I'm putting too much weight on it, or I'll get that um line of demarcation on my nub because I'm pushing down on it on the edge of the desk and I don't even know it.
Speaker 1:So I mentioned to my husband this weekend that I am wanting to maybe look at doing a further amputation up, because this really is useless.
Speaker 1:like what is this to me? If you look at it, the only reason I'm not and I'm very hesitant is because of the tattoos of my grandparents, like all of the scars all over it. Whatever, I wouldn't miss them. But if you remember in the 80s and 90s, that clown, they had the sand in the bottom and you punch it and it drops back and then pops right back up. That's what my nub looks like. It looks like one of those little clouds, what it does Look. Look Right there. See, it does, it does, it does. So I am thinking about I mean, what is the point in it? What does it do? It doesn't do anything.
Speaker 2:I have realized that when I walk around anywhere.
Speaker 1:I hold it as if it's in an invisible sling, like I hold it inward, and it doesn't function. It doesn't do anything. It doesn't help me with anything. I can't push anything or pull anything with it.
Speaker 2:Please tell me what's the point in keeping it so, listeners how many of y'all out there think that Victoria should cut off more of her arm but it's exceptionally painful, excruciating.
Speaker 1:To keep it Right, I have diagnosed complex regional pain syndrome. I have permanent nerve and muscle damage. I've done hours of nerve conductive studies and it's literally like you touch something and you don't even know it.
Speaker 1:There was a great episode on er where the doctor lost his arm and he was getting ready for his prosthetic and he didn't even know it and he reached over and his arm now whatever caught on fire because he didn't even feel it over the burners. He was cooking dinner and he didn't even know it, and I saw that like right before I got my invitation. It's just fantastic but, you don't even know, you don't feel it nothing, and it's it's excruciating, I mean so right now.
Speaker 2:You know the pain level. You're at the pain level is.
Speaker 1:I understand, let me put it in there. I understand where I'm, I understand. Hold on Now you'll tell me if I'm wrong. Have I ever taken any pain meds for anything I've ever had done?
Speaker 2:About me.
Speaker 1:No Surgeries.
Speaker 2:Any of my surgeries.
Speaker 1:Never, no matter what.
Speaker 2:No, oxy no hydro. Nothing, no CDB.
Speaker 1:I've never even asked them to fill it because, I won't take it. So I can understand, justifiably, how some people could get extremely addicted to pain meds due to the severity of pain of the A&M, I can safely and comfortably make that statement. So what?
Speaker 2:were you going to say to?
Speaker 1:that.
Speaker 2:If you know now the pain level that you're at and how you're tolerating, and to go into the unknown, to cut off more and have the possibility that it hurt just as much, if not more, and then there's less of you, okay, there's no way it could hurt more. There's no way we don't know that.
Speaker 1:There's no pain level higher than what I'm in. Sure there is no, there's not, there's really not. I mean, okay, after everything I've been through in my life, from stabbings to choking, to suffocating, to having hundreds of stitches without sedation, whatever the case is, I'm telling you, my face being broken, becoming deaf, all of that, this is excruciating I've seen you when well, I was there, obviously, when they first hacked it off and you came home and those weeks in that first month and a half right back you were crying, it was.
Speaker 2:You were in pain, so much pain every day that I wouldn't give in and take it, and you barely slept at 1.30 at night, crying, shaking. You had the tremors, you had these phantom.
Speaker 1:I still have tremors and shaking in there and enough. But what purpose does this long waste of nothing do? And it is in my way. I could literally get hurt with it because what I understand most doctors say take the least amount off as possible, and that's so they can provide you with a prosthetic, but I can't wear my prosthetic. It's too heavy and I can't afford the very cool but yet really want one of those amazing hands because insurance doesn't cover it. With it the one it's the robotic hand that's badass.
Speaker 1:I want one of those so bad. But our insurance doesn't cover. Nobody's insurance covers it unless. I've seen one built out of legos oh, that would be great, that'd be be great Right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was awesome looking.
Speaker 1:Okay, can I get it in purple?
Speaker 2:I'm sure out of the 40 million listeners there's somebody out there that can point us in the right direction of getting you a lightweight arm.
Speaker 1:I want the mechanical one, the robotic one, the Terminator one you know, that has fingers and not make me look like a claw, or Captain Hook's sister even though Johnny Deny dips out there. He's more than welcome to come up on here?
Speaker 2:no, we haven't heard from johnny, have we? No?
Speaker 1:dave, don't keep yelling at my work. Husband uh, yoda yell at my work.
Speaker 2:Husband what's up with johnny? No I'll send you my guitar. You can send it over yonder. I give you an excuse to go talk to them. Oh my god, that's what I'll do. I'll send Dave my guitar guitar.
Speaker 1:That's our redneck word of the day no, there's another word I made up.
Speaker 2:I don't forget it you've done, forgot it y'all see what I have to live with every day. Three doctorates, okay what you have, nothing to say.
Speaker 1:Honorary or not, whatever Anyway.
Speaker 2:I don't care.
Speaker 1:Whatever the point is, you and I have this connection, if you will Like. We've never had a knockout drag out fight Ever, if you will Like we've never had a knockout, drag out, fight Ever. We never will, because you're going to admit.
Speaker 2:I'm right, sure, you're right, yeah, right.
Speaker 1:But the point is that you people can have it.
Speaker 2:You people.
Speaker 1:You people can have it. Don't talk to me because you refused to watch the debate with me. That was a necessary thing to do, no, it's not. And you've been watching, but why not Did you ask me about it afterwards? You wanted to know all about it afterwards.
Speaker 2:No, I didn't. I said how was it?
Speaker 1:No, because you were like, did he really make a comment about this?
Speaker 2:and that I heard it on TikTok while I was sitting on the toilet.
Speaker 1:But why watch that?
Speaker 2:Every guy watched TikTok on the toilet.
Speaker 1:But why watch what the overview of the debate was? I didn't. I was scrolling through there. I mean there were times he couldn't finish his sentence. It didn't make any sense. That's right.
Speaker 2:It's a huge insult to Trump to put him on stage with that fellow, and I know he's our commander of the tree garden right now. Commander of the tree garden I had to burp.
Speaker 1:You see what I have to live with. I haven't had a beer today. Wonders never cease. Did you eat your hamburger? I did.
Speaker 2:Juicy and good. That dead cow, that's disgusting. I said it was disgusting. I offered it to your daughter.
Speaker 1:But now she's my daughter, yep.
Speaker 2:She don't want to eat hamburger.
Speaker 1:She's your daughter. And the rest of the time?
Speaker 2:Sometimes she's mine. Sometimes, and then there's times she's ours.
Speaker 1:Wow, you wouldn't want her to hear that, because?
Speaker 2:she is.
Speaker 1:You just got done with a book, yes, and she came and talked about how great it was but I'm not going to say the name of the book, but did she tell you what happened at the end? She did not. She was like, oh that she used to read a book a day. I'm trying to get her back into that. But we gave her this book and you told her she had to finish it. And we gave her a week to do it and when she was in middle school she was reading on a high school, 12th grade level. I mean, she's spot on smart. And so she comes in. She's like I finished it. I finished it, but I have to tell you, oh my god, I was like what. And she goes. The stepdad and daughter were doing it and I was like what? And she was like, oh my god, she goes. This book was fantastic, but it came out of nowhere, stepdad and daughter, and I'm like, are you kidding All I'm going?
Speaker 2:to say it runs on your side of the family.
Speaker 1:Are you kidding? You seriously want to talk?
Speaker 2:about that? Oh shit, Never mind.
Speaker 1:What are you up to? I'll shut up? No, what are you talking about there? Do it in the driveway with friends, exactly, and that's your egg donor. Wow, way to like keep our listeners happy. Well, they know how frugal.
Speaker 2:I go down in the garage garage and cut my hair and save 15 bucks. Garage and cut my hair and save 15 bucks. We're very frugal people. We'll be that way if my wife hits the lottery one day.
Speaker 1:If I hit the lottery, I mean I gotta play it. But here's a question.
Speaker 2:Listen.
Speaker 1:Why is it when faith has any kind of procedure?
Speaker 1:oh, lord you are wide ass. Wait, you are pacing the floor, even if it's a crowd, ladies and gentlemen. He walks up and down pacing the floor, looking for doctors, wanting some answers, being quite a little pain in the rumpus. But when his wife, let's say, is getting her arm cut off or her face off or whatever the case may be, my husband can't stay awake until I'm taken back to the ER. We are in pre-op and he's standing up falling asleep and that's not okay.
Speaker 1:Before anybody writes and says well, it was probably really early at 5 am, right? No, this was 1 pm. 1 pm and my husband is standing up, sleepwalking and talking, saying I can't make it, babe. And I said they're taking me back in five minutes. I can't make it, babe, I'm just not gonna be able to do it. So I say sit down in the chair and no, I can't, I choose a comfortable. So he goes and leaves me to go into the waiting area and sleeps the entire time. And this isn't the only surgery, he's done this dozens of times. But when faith has to have a crown put on her teeth, my husband paces the floor. Anytime Faith has anything done, holy shit.
Speaker 1:My husband has, like super monkey glue glued into his eyelids to the top of his head. Why is that?
Speaker 2:That's what dads are for I wouldn't know. Protect their own.
Speaker 1:I wouldn't know.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm showing you, I'm showing her.
Speaker 1:Then why don't you do that for me?
Speaker 2:Because you're competent, you're capable of handling yourself, you know what to do. There's doctors, you're in a hospital, okay.
Speaker 1:Okay, and let's talk about how I lost my arm to begin with.
Speaker 2:Okay, how many doctors does it take to? Handle our faith A lot Exactly. How many do you think it take to handle our faith? A lot Exactly.
Speaker 1:How many do you think it takes?
Speaker 2:to handle me One Wrong. I saw the picture that she sent me. Oh, that was kind of fun. That was a hot Asian guy Freaking buff, hot Asian doctor it wasn't Asian. It was just a woman.
Speaker 1:Well, whatever, you're just mad because I've dated an Asian guy. You know why I'm upset.
Speaker 2:I'm upset because I've got to drink this gallon of shit over here so I can take a shit to clean the shit out of me and to have my shit pushed in. It's only four foot long. You know what? Last week it was three foot. I showed you pictures.
Speaker 1:I've had a colonoscopy. You're just going to get what's called twilighted. I don't want to get nothing twilighted. You have to drink that whole thing. You'll have the squirts. No, I want them to have a mess. If you don't do it, then you know some people actually poop while they're on the OR table. Not having colonoscopy, just surgery.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm going to do.
Speaker 1:You won't know what you're going to do. I'm going to purposely try, you won't have anything left in your system.
Speaker 2:I'm going to take some serpent ipicac. So what, serpent ipicac? Why are you laughing? Because, serpent ipicac, they make you throw up You're saying it different, ipic.
Speaker 1:Every time you say that you're saying it different, okay, and everybody says and I know this, you can go back to work the next day after the class. Oh no, oh yes, I'm laying in the refiner.
Speaker 2:No, I need service breakfast, lunch and dinner. I need my feet rubbed with oil.
Speaker 1:Not for me. Yes, uh-uh, I'll be recovering from massive surgery two weeks before that, so don't even start. That little thing. That little thing. You're yelling at our listeners. I'm not yelling at them, I'm yelling in general. I'm definitely on my hearing aid test. That is not a little thing, that is a massive undergrowth, massive. So don't even start. And we haven't even told anybody about that yet. So massive, yes. So don't complain because, okay, would you rather trade places with me and get that done? You would be the biggest pansy in that table. They'd be like oh my god, but you have to do this. You promised Faith you would do this for her, and so bottoms up, chugaloo.
Speaker 2:Is that a pun?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is fun.
Speaker 2:Bottoms up.
Speaker 1:It's not unfavorable. It's not.
Speaker 2:Is that another pun? You're just full of it, aren't you?
Speaker 1:You won't be. It's such a cleansing I bet it is.
Speaker 2:It is, I feel, refreshed. You will. I'm just douched. What's that? Some regime, yeah.
Speaker 1:I bet. But you do it in another bathroom, not ours.
Speaker 2:Oh, when I come home. No, you take that the day before oh, it's going to flow freely.
Speaker 1:The day before. Oh, it's going to flow freely the day before If you have to do that the day before you're going to have to take off work the day before.
Speaker 2:Is it at least skinny? Uh-uh, uh-uh, the probe, whatever they stick up, no, no, uh-uh, it's thicker than this that's just wrong, that's wrong, that's just wrong.
Speaker 1:That's wrong. I'm pointing to the device that holds up the microphone.
Speaker 2:She's pointing to the microphone.
Speaker 1:I am not.
Speaker 2:Three inches in diameter.
Speaker 1:I did know, but you're going to have to take off the day before or you're going to be driving around with, you know, sliding into first and you feel something first Diarrhea, diarrhea when your shorts are full of foam, and you feel something first diarrhea, diarrhea when your shorts are full of foam and you can't make it home.
Speaker 2:I thought this was a serious podcast.
Speaker 1:Oh, by the way, Faith has it set to play that song for you the entire day.
Speaker 2:I hope you do more serious podcasts throughout the week while I'm here actually sounds.
Speaker 1:Good, frosty actually sounds good, a little emoji no, like an actual frosty sounds good right now. It's nasty hot outside. It's disgusting. It's pretty warm, it's disgusting. We're gonna have a cold front. We're gonna be in the 80s 89s. It'll be in the cold front. I'm actually craving a little frosty right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just wanted to say thank you for those who came out to our location and purchased several items. If y'all are listening, thank you.
Speaker 1:We appreciate you.
Speaker 2:It helps, it really does.
Speaker 1:I told them to listen today so they know who they are Do you want me to get you a little butt donut.
Speaker 2:No, I have a butt donut.
Speaker 1:So you can sit on it. Do you want me to pad the toilet seat?
Speaker 2:I've thought about that because as I'm TikTok-ing on the toilet, you fall asleep in there. No, my legs fall asleep first and that's annoying because then when you stand up, your own pens and all that crap and you got to, you know stomp it out. It's annoying. So we guys have to come up with something to where we can sit there and scroll.
Speaker 1:They have toilet seats that are made with cushion, like a pillow.
Speaker 2:Really.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Well, ain't that a bad?
Speaker 1:idea it is.
Speaker 2:Can I get one?
Speaker 1:No, I've never told you anything you want.
Speaker 2:Do you want to go make out?
Speaker 1:We're on air right now.
Speaker 2:You just said you wouldn't tell me no.
Speaker 1:On things you wanted to purchase. You want to go, get me a Frosty.
Speaker 2:You got $50?.
Speaker 1:Make you holla.
Speaker 2:You hate rap? I do. It promotes too much violence.
Speaker 1:Everything promotes violence, everything, oh shit. Why do you say?
Speaker 2:shit, because I'm in trouble. Every time you call her she's in the mirror. What did you do? Now, michael, she probably can't hear. She's got her headphones on.
Speaker 1:Does she?
Speaker 2:She does. That's her relaxation time. I have to go feed her dinner.
Speaker 1:She's not a dog. Hey, take her to Wendy's and get her some nuggets. She worked really hard today and you can get your wife a frosty, which would be super sweet, because you didn't want to take me to dinner for an uh-oh moment.
Speaker 2:I said no because it was too much. Thank y'all for listening to us. Another episode here on contagious smile. We appreciate y'all for sharing caring. Yeah, we really. I imagine she talks about some serious issues, but I'm not here we do, but everybody loves our chemistry they do. It's not jovial.
Speaker 1:We need it to be jovial. There's too much negativity going on in this world. We need a little laughter.
Speaker 2:But on a serious note, y'all get certified, carry your weapon, train with it.
Speaker 1:That was one of the sexiest dates we had when we went shooting back in the day.
Speaker 2:Oh, I'm trying to set up next weekend to go shoot yeah. My wife needs to practice now that she's got more arms.
Speaker 1:I had a good shot back in the day.
Speaker 2:Yes, we know, dear.
Speaker 1:I hate when you do that, dear, dear.
Speaker 2:You were a good shot. Oh, are you really going to do this now? Come on, you were a good shot.
Speaker 1:Oh, are you really going to do this now? Go ahead. You brought it up. You want to do that too?
Speaker 2:You brought it up.
Speaker 1:Go ahead.
Speaker 2:Go ahead.
Speaker 1:I just have a sexy husband. That's all that matters.
Speaker 2:Bye y'all.