Have you ever held onto hurt so tightly it felt like chains wrapped tightly around you, constricting your breath and consuming your thoughts? I've been there - in that exact place, until I discovered the transformative power of writing letters never meant to be sent. On our latest podcast, we embark on a journey of emotional release and healing, guided by a simple yet profound exercise: writing unfiltered letters to those who have caused us pain. We'll delve into the cathartic effects of putting pen to paper, the importance of owning our responses, and the liberating act of forgiveness. This isn't just a method for reflection; it's a step towards spiritual evolution and internal healing, a path to freedom that's crafted through the understanding and compassion we find in ourselves.
As your host, I invite you to explore with me the symbolic destruction of these letters, a physical demonstration of breaking free from resentment's grip. We'll discuss the whole-body liberation this act brings and the necessity of repetition for deeper wounds. But the journey doesn't end with the release of negativity; we'll also discuss the powerful shift towards gratitude and appreciation, as we close with the practice of writing letters that celebrate the good in our lives.
Here are the steps I'll take you through in this episode for a transformative experience using the power of the written word:
Purge Your Thoughts Be Your Own Audience Engage Your Whole Body No Filters Watch For Patterns Be Conscious Write Another Letter Get Destructive Let It Go I'm Grateful For...
Our final quote for the episode comes from Catherine Ponder, author and founder of Unity Church Worldwide, who shares this wisdom for all who seek true freedom.
Join us for an empowering episode that harnesses the written word to heal and transform. And don't forget to head on over to the Reverse Reset Restore website to read the accompanying blog (out tomorrow) and join our FaceBook or Instagram community and join the conversation.
Have you ever held onto hurt so tightly it felt like chains wrapped tightly around you, constricting your breath and consuming your thoughts? I've been there - in that exact place, until I discovered the transformative power of writing letters never meant to be sent. On our latest podcast, we embark on a journey of emotional release and healing, guided by a simple yet profound exercise: writing unfiltered letters to those who have caused us pain. We'll delve into the cathartic effects of putting pen to paper, the importance of owning our responses, and the liberating act of forgiveness. This isn't just a method for reflection; it's a step towards spiritual evolution and internal healing, a path to freedom that's crafted through the understanding and compassion we find in ourselves.
As your host, I invite you to explore with me the symbolic destruction of these letters, a physical demonstration of breaking free from resentment's grip. We'll discuss the whole-body liberation this act brings and the necessity of repetition for deeper wounds. But the journey doesn't end with the release of negativity; we'll also discuss the powerful shift towards gratitude and appreciation, as we close with the practice of writing letters that celebrate the good in our lives.
Here are the steps I'll take you through in this episode for a transformative experience using the power of the written word:
Purge Your Thoughts Be Your Own Audience Engage Your Whole Body No Filters Watch For Patterns Be Conscious Write Another Letter Get Destructive Let It Go I'm Grateful For...
Our final quote for the episode comes from Catherine Ponder, author and founder of Unity Church Worldwide, who shares this wisdom for all who seek true freedom.
Join us for an empowering episode that harnesses the written word to heal and transform. And don't forget to head on over to the Reverse Reset Restore website to read the accompanying blog (out tomorrow) and join our FaceBook or Instagram community and join the conversation.
Welcome to Reverse, reset, restore the podcast where we embrace the extraordinary potential of our minds to transform our lives. I'm Sally, your guide on this journey towards wholeness. In today's episode, we'll be discussing a practical way to let go of some pent-up emotions that may be impacting your mental and physical well-being. Change comes from within. Just a disclaimer before we get started, that I will be using one or two words in this episode, which may not be for little ears or my mother's ears. It is in the context of this content, but still just thought you should know. Sorry, mum, ever been so pissed off with someone that you almost have this surge of violence within you? Ever had images flash through your mind of the extreme types of things you'd like to do to get even or maybe it's not even that intense, more like a slow burn of being constantly triggered and on high alert around certain people? Well, I can honestly answer and say yes, there are just some people in life that are going to push your buttons, every single button, and sometimes they do it deliberately and sometimes they're unaware that they've done anything at all to cause you pain or tick you off or make you want to go over shades of petty, or even to the point where you may have begun plotting your untimely demise. Too far? Yeah, maybe, maybe a tad too far. We are not always able to control these situations and we're definitely not always able to control the people that we feel instigate them, but we are able to control our responses to them. Yep, my friend, I'm putting the responsibility back on ourselves, because when we hold a grievance against someone, we are really holding it against ourselves. Ugg, I know, I know, but as Donna Goddard, author of the spiritual fiction series Wild Messes, every grievance you hold hides a little more of the light of the world from your eyes, until the darkness becomes overwhelming. Everything you forgive restores that light. So ask yourself who is it that you were really hurting? Let that one simmer, okay, I know I am.
Sally :
Today, we're going to talk about a technique you can try. When, feeling aggrieved by someone in your life, we're going to write a letter to them. Or if you need to write multiple letters to people that you're harboring a grudge or anger or hurt or fury against, there's probably a particular person who's already flashed into your mind that fits this bill. If so, this is the person you will do this exercise on. It's similar to the reflective writing technique and that it's designed to help you get your thoughts and feelings down on paper so that you can see what you are experiencing internally. However, this isn't quite the same. Reflective writing in the traditional sense is more analytical. It allows the writer to critically review the experience or the situation, its impact and help you plan a way forward.
Sally :
We're not quite going all the way there with this technique, however. It's much more about letting go than it is about coming up with solutions. It will help you become more reflective and can offer insights into why we're feeling the way we're feeling about a person or a situation, and it may even offer you some ideas on moving forward with that person. It helps us process our thoughts and our feelings rather than holding onto them or acting them out. I'll use this technique quite often, especially when I am feeling hurt, offended, unseen or angry at someone and I just don't feel like it necessarily warrants a conversation with that person. Or I know that trying to hold a conversation with the person that has got me feeling all the feels will just make mountains out of a molehill. Sometimes we're carrying around a lot of anger about a person who is no longer in our lives, but that resentment is still at the quick and ready whenever we think about them.
Sally :
Janinelle Alder offers this sage advice Forget what hurt you in the past, but never forget what it taught you. However, if it taught you to hold onto grudges, seek revenge, not forgive or show compassion, to categorise people as good or bad, to distrust and be guarded with your feelings, then you didn't learn a thing. God doesn't bring you lessons to close your heart. He brings you lessons to open it by developing compassion, learning to listen, seeking to understand instead of speculating, practicing empathy and developing conflict resolution through communication. If he brought you perfect people, how would you ever learn to spiritually evolve? Think of this technique as an opportunity to learn that lesson, not for them, but for yourself.
Sally :
Writing out everything you wish to say helps us move through the pain we've been holding onto. This works in several different ways, which I'll go through in just a moment, but before we get started, let me make this clear this is to be an exercise solely for your eyes only. Don't send this particular letter, okay. It is a tool for you to utilise to help you target your frustrations to one location, in this case, the safety of a piece of paper. Here are some ways that writing out your feelings towards a person or a situation can be good for your mind, body and soul. Number one it allows you to purge yourself of all the thoughts swirling around your mind and put on paper how you're feeling. Writing out exactly what you're thinking and feeling about a person or a situation is very therapeutic. All the mean things you wish you could say directly, but never would, can be said on the page, even if you just want to repeat one word or one line over and over again, like your Bart Simpson. Whatever you want to write is absolutely perfect. Just aim to get it all out, no matter how many pages it might take.
Sally :
Number two writing gives you an audience yourself. Research suggests that expressing grievances or frustrations, particularly when done with a receptive listener, can have significant healing effect. This process bears resemblance to therapy, where individuals often find relief through vocalising their thoughts and emotions. Similarly, when we engage in writing, we essentially become our own attentive audience, providing ourselves with a platform to express and process our feelings. Number three it engages your whole body in the process.
Sally :
The act of putting pen to paper or typing something has your body, mind and feelings involved. It's easy for us to run thoughts around in our head, but often when we do that, they have nowhere else to go and so they keep circling back and growing bigger as your thoughts and feelings become more enraged with the person or circumstance in which you're struggling with. When we internalise these thoughts and feelings, we create pain and disease, dis-ease in the body. Joe London wrote holding onto anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life. If we've been holding onto grievances whether it's anger, sadness, expectations, shame, whatever the feeling and its associated thoughts might be we've been storing up a lot of pent up negative energy in our body that is then used to hurt us because it's got nowhere else to go. So using our body in this process helps to release some of this negative energy rather than have it do further damage.
Sally :
Number four you don't have to filter. Every bit of what you were feeling can go on the page, even your tears. You could write a whole page of fuck yous if you want to. The point here is to be completely uncensored. No holds bar, no filters. Don't worry about punctuation or grammar or spelling. This is just about getting everything out. Try to make it legible if you can, if you want to read it after you're done writing. I have terrible handwriting. At the best of times when I'm writing these types of things, my hand cannot keep up with my brain and the writing becomes a swirl of squiggles and lines. And that's okay too, if you prefer use a computer or the notepad on your phone. I generally find the slows down the process, so just be mindful of that, but choose a method that works best for you. You might even want to mind map rather than write sentences, or even draw your thoughts and feelings. Just get them out.
Sally :
Number five you'll likely pick up on a few patterns or habits that are inside your control. If we can recognize the whys of our anger and how, in our reactions, it is manifesting in our lives, we may find that we have created some habits that we've been holding onto. When we are feeling angry, annoyed or rejected by someone or a situation, we're usually focusing on external sources. We've given our power away in order to hold onto a hurt. Yes, you may feel that this person is always triggering you. You're not responsible for how they behave. All that is in your control is your response. If you're being triggered, there's your responsibility to deal with it. Does that mean we should never get angry? Of course not. Experiencing anger or other negative emotions is a natural part of the human experience. But rather than allowing ourselves to be consumed by reactive patterns of behavior, we can cultivate our self-awareness, which empowers us to respond to these emotions in a much more constructive and adaptive manner. Ultimately, by embracing personal responsibility for our emotional well-being, we pave the way for greater self-mastery in a peace and fulfillment in our lives. Number six you make a conscious decision to hold onto your hurt, anger, etc. Or let it go.
Sally :
Thoughts are the stories we tell ourselves and feelings are the language of the body. When we get to really know and understand ourselves, we become much more in tune of what is happening to us when our thoughts or negative feelings fire up. Once we have this knowledge, we can choose our response. Or maybe we'll have to choose a secondary response because we've already had a first one. For example, my partner and I had a miscommunication one morning and my initial response was to close down and shut up. Then I started to entertain the thoughts in my mind you should break up. Just don't talk now, ever again, you know, with the ones that are all crazy thoughts which are coming out of my fear of being rejected and being misunderstood and unseen and unlovable. For about 20 minutes I held onto these thoughts, giving them room to grow and breathe internally me. Then I snapped myself out of it. I don't have to think this way or respond this way. I thought to myself what am I choosing now? Sometimes we don't actually want to let go of our grievances, but if we hold them we're only hurting ourselves. It's self-sabotage or this feeling of being justified and our entitled wrongness. I recognise that the myriad of thinking I was engaging in that moment was living in the space of fear and I was choosing it. So I made a conscious decision to choose differently. It meant having to talk to my partner how many of us shy away from that? And we were able to talk through the miscommunication and the thoughts and feelings that we'd both been holding onto for the last 30 minutes or so. Did my feelings and resentment go away immediately? Nope, but as I made the decision to talk it out and move beyond, the feelings and the rampaging thoughts eventually blow away like clouds.
Sally :
Number seven if appropriate, you can write a secondary letter that can serve as a template for raising concerns with the person for whom your letter is directed. This is an option if you feel that you need to raise this with the person or people involved, to set boundaries and to improve your relationship. Sometimes we need to actually communicate our thoughts and feelings to the people we feel disconnected from. If we do this in the moment or from a place of our own pain and judgment, then we are likely to just make things worse. This isn't something that is necessary to do, and for some people in your life, it may not even be possible. There are some people with whom you can talk to, who will receive what you're trying to express, and there are some people who are still so self-destructive that they won't be able to hear anything from you that doesn't sound like criticism or the grounds for a further fight. I know a few people in my life that I know would be too hurt if I was to raise something with them, and so I've used this technique of writing as a way for me to express for myself all the things I need to say and then work on ways I can hold my own boundaries in place without even having to involve the person directly. When we recognize the hurts that we are holding within ourselves, we can start to see how other people maybe are operating out of their own hurts as well. Writing a secondary letter for the purposes of sharing with that person allows you to organize your thoughts without the heat of your emotions being involved. This secondary letter should avoid pointing fingers or placing judgments on the person you feel aggrieved by, but it does allow you to write down what you want to say in a way that helps you reconcile the relationship, if that's what you want.
Sally :
Number eight destroy the letter. Rip it to shreds, burn it, turn it into abstract art. Just get rid of it. Why? Because keeping it on file somewhere means you can keep returning to it and it allows you to hold on to some part of the anger you feel about that person or circumstance. Destroying it is a way that you physically proclaim your freedom from the things held within its pages. There is a certain amount of satisfaction and destruction, and with destruction comes creation. You are destroying your grievances and creating opportunities for loving that person in spite of their own broken behavior. This is why I personally recommend writing on a piece of paper over the computer or a note on your phone, because there is something way more gratifying about ripping or burning a piece of paper over hitting delete. And again, this goes back to my second point of getting your whole body involved.
Sally :
Number nine you let go and find peace. Writing out your thoughts and feelings allows you to then truly choose to let go of the grievances you've been hurting yourself with. Regina O Malvany in her book the Book of Madness and Cures says the recitation of grievances was strange balm. What this means is that by writing out, which is a form of discussion with ourselves, that which we've been holding on to can serve as a tonic, a healing tool in our recovery from grievances to gratitude. When we do this, we can then begin to heal and we offer ourselves peace. You may find you need to practice this exercise several times with the same person or situation, and that is okay. Sometimes we think we've resolved it, but there is still hidden hurts that bubble up to the surface because we've created space for them to do so. When we shine a light on our hurts, we often allow further hurts to resurface, and this is all part of this work and part of the journey of self-recovery. If this is happening, rejoice, because you are allowing the deep seated pain to be excavated from your grounds and true healing to flood into those uncovered places.
Sally :
Number 10. End your session with a letter of gratitude. Transitioning from the intensity of pouring out grievances, it's time now to shift gears and cultivate a sense of gratitude. After all that purging is done, you probably want a nice glass of wine, a good cry if you already haven't been crying and a decent sleep. Well, pop the cork and pour yourself a glass as you write a simple letter of gratitude. Focusing on crafting a letter of appreciation allows us to reset our mind and mood. By redirecting your attention to the abundance of blessings in your life, you not only uplift your mood, but also replenish your emotional reserves. Embracing an attitude of gratitude triggers the release of dopamine and other feel-good hormones, rewiring your brain to seek out positivity amidst challenges. Any lingering feelings from our letter writing dissipates as we refocus our attention to all the things in our life to be grateful for.
Sally :
The act of writing letters to address grievances or conflicts can be a profound tool for personal growth and emotional healing. By confronting our feelings head on and expressing them authentically, we empower ourselves to release those pent-up emotions, gain clarity and move forward with renewed peace and understanding as we embrace vulnerability and engage in self-reflection. Through this process, we cultivate deeper insights into our own thoughts and behaviors. We foster greater empathy and resilience in our relationships. I encourage you to embrace this powerful practice as a catalyst for positive change, both for yourself and in your interactions with others. Remember the power to transform lies within our willingness to confront our fears and embrace the journey toward inner peace.
Sally :
I especially encourage you to try this out if you've had a feeling of resistance listening to this idea and your body is in a bit of a react mode. If that's happening, there's a good chance that you're aversion to doing this, and the way your body might be responding right now means it is exactly what you need to try doing. You might just surprise yourself with what comes out and how you feel once you've purged yourself of the emotions you've been holding on to, even the ones that you aren't willing to admit, that you've been willingly holding on to. Need some writing prompts to help get you going. I've got you covered.
Sally :
Come find them on my website at reversereceptrestorecom. The link is in the show notes, as well as links to the Facebook and Instagram page, if you found this episode helpful or, at the very least, thought-provoking? I would be incredibly grateful if you would leave a review, give me five stars if you're listening on Apple Podcasts. If you're on Spotify, you can respond to the Q&A on each episode, and you can subscribe or leave comments on the Reverse Recept Restore YouTube channel and like our Facebook and Instagram pages. Any bit of support that you want to show me is so appreciated and very humbling, and it also really helps me to help others by putting it out there and letting the algorithm gods know that we exist. One final quote for the episode comes from Catherine Ponder, author and founder of Unity Church Worldwide, who shares this wisdom for all who seek true freedom when you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.
