Pouring Drinks and Sharing Wisdom: Alex Bennett's Transformative Experiences

What if the wisdom you need is just a bartender away? Meet Alex Bennett, bartender turned author, who has been serving up more than just drinks. He's been doling out pearls of wisdom from behind the bar, guiding those seeking his counsel through life's twists and turns. Alongside these intriguing conversations, we navigate the labyrinth of decisions that shape our careers and lives and share some transformative exercises that help you identify and prioritize what truly matters to you.

Bartending is more than mixing drinks; it's about listening, understanding, and providing a sanctuary for those looking to express their thoughts and emotions. In this episode, we dive into the heart of this role with Alex, hearing fascinating stories from his time in a corporate restaurant in Chicago, including a spine-chilling incident involving a regular customer that left everyone in shock. As we touch upon the nuances of offering advice to friends, we also consider the potential repercussions, bringing a new perspective to the delicate art of giving advice.

In the final act of this engaging narrative, Alex shares a heartwarming story about the impact he had on a regular customer's life, highlighting the incredible power of human connection. Moreover, he introduces us to his book "A Shot of Oakies," a riveting blend of bourbon, pirates and Shakespeare, inspired by his experiences as a bartender. This episode is not just about the stories from behind the bar but a journey of self-reflection and understanding that reminds us of our profound impact on each other's lives.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

But welcome to today's podcast replay from the Killer B Studios. Let's go ahead and dive on in. Well, I'm super excited about our guest tonight. Super excited, our guest tonight. His name is Alex Bennett right.

Speaker 2: 0:14

Bennett, good you did it.

Speaker 1: 0:15

I did it, don't ask. I'm just going to call him Alex from now on, but I'm super excited for him to be our guest tonight. He's a bartender who loves books. Now you got to love that, right. I do love it.

Speaker 1: 0:27

A bartender and loves books. Tonight, our topic is going to be about a different take on sharing wisdom. So are you guys excited to bring out our guest? Are you guys are excited? Yes, so this is Alex's first time really being on Horizon. So, as we all love to do, I was telling him about the confetti. Everybody loves confetti. Right now he's behind this wall. He can see you, but you guys cannot see him. So, wave at this wall like your best friends with that wall. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, Just say hi wall. It's nice to meet you. Actually, he's going to come to life here in just a second because we're going to bring out our guest. Alex, come on out and thank you for joining us.

Speaker 4: 1:01

Hey what's up? Thanks for having me. Thanks for having me. Yes, I love it.

Speaker 2: 1:04

I love it.

Speaker 1: 1:05

You're right here. Yes, we're so happy you made it and I love the whole avatar. Look, I love it.

Speaker 3: 1:12

Oh, thanks. You know I do have long hair. I normally would. My mustache is a lot longer than this and I say I'm old enough to be bartending in black and white now. I wax the ends and I curl it. I also have a long OT that I normally braid. But they didn't have that for my hair. I have a tar option, so I had to go with whatever I like, so limited.

Speaker 1: 1:32

Well, we're so glad that you joined us tonight, alex. Some people might be here going well, who is Alex? So would you mind taking about 30 seconds and telling us a little bit about who Alex Bennett is?

Speaker 3: 1:42

Well, I grew up working in restaurants. My parents bought a place. When I was 16 years old, literally started washing dishes in the kitchen the night. We took it over and then through the years, I served bartended. At one point I said I was that place. Long story short with that is that I got married. Along the way. My parents sold it to my in-laws, my in-laws became my former in-laws and that's how I ended up getting out of that place. But I tell everybody you know, and a lot of ways, the best thing that happened to me because it forced me out of my comfort zone and I still get along great with my ex-wife. But then I really took to bartending and spent really about the last 18 years working behind a bar and it was really one of the best things that ever happened to me. Now, along those ways, I decided I want to sit down and write a book that's entitled A Shot of Okies and I describe it as bourbon and pirates with a little Shakespearean flair.

Speaker 1: 2:34

Interesting. That sounds very fascinating. How many book readers do we have out here? You know, thurston Confetti. If you guys are book readers, okay, okay, nice, nice, nice, well, cool, well, we're going to give Alex time to tell us a little bit about his book here and like a little bit later and tell you how you can find out how to get a copy of it and also how to connect with him as well. So again, thanks for joining us out. Join us tonight. As a bartender, you know, I'm sure, like as a bartender, you've probably heard a lot of stories probably some really good, interesting stories and you probably get asked a lot of questions.

Speaker 1: 3:10

So I would love to kind of start off with what has your experience as a bartender taught you about sharing wisdom, because I know we're talking about like a different way, a different approach of sharing wisdom. So I'd love to know that what has it taught you, through your experience, about sharing wisdom?

Speaker 3: 3:26

Well, you know one of the things as a bartender, I get asked for advice a lot, you know, and it happened a lot when I was younger, but especially now that I've gotten older, people look at me and obviously I talk to a lot of people. I've had a lot of conversations with a lot of people. I've seen what's worked for people and I've seen what hasn't worked. You know what I mean, and so, as a result, when people ask me for advice, what I've learned is, instead of saying this is the way I would do it, I've learned to say hey, what do you want to get out of it? Because that's the biggest thing. If I give you advice from my perspective and I say this is what I would do, it's based on my life and what is going on with my life and how your problems would affect my life.

Speaker 3: 4:08

But the reality is is your life is very different, you know and we're coming from very different ways of looking at things, and so the first question I'm going to ask anybody is you know, what do you want to get out of this? You know, and if it's somebody that's debating taking on a new job, well, why do you want to switch your job? Leaving a job is a very tough thing to do, you know.

Speaker 2: 4:29

Are you?

Speaker 3: 4:29

switching it because you want to chase money. Well, money might be important, but if you have a great quality of life, you know it might not be a smarter thing to pursue the money On the other hand, you know, if your quality of life isn't very good and you got an opportunity to take a job that you would really enjoy, that would allow you to pursue the interests that you have in life that you can't because of where you work, well then you know, maybe it would be a good idea to switch jobs, you know.

Speaker 3: 4:54

And so that's where I start. You know, if I like my job, though, and I tell you and you say to me should I switch jobs, I might say no, no way, because I like my job.

Speaker 2: 5:02

Does that make sense? Absolutely yeah.

Speaker 3: 5:05

So that's the number one thing I kind of tell people when it comes down to giving advice is first find out what you want to do. And honestly, in a lot of cases a lot of people they don't know what they want to do. You know, and if you ask them their question, it makes them think you know well, do I?

Speaker 2: 5:20

want to do this, you know.

Speaker 3: 5:23

And once you got that answer then you can kind of figure out the path to get there.

Speaker 1: 5:27

Yeah, I love that. I love that. That's something that we've been me and Mrs Killer B have been talking about a lot too and we've talked a little bit here at the studio about is something I've been learning over the last couple of years is learning how to trying to learn how to ask more questions instead of just giving answers.

Speaker 3: 5:42

Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 5:43

And then that's exactly what you're sharing. There is like you're asking that question well, where do you want to get out of it? And so I guess, like if they're said well, I don't really know, so where do you go from there?

Speaker 3: 5:54

Well, okay, so I have a. I have a little exercise that I do with people, you know, and I suppose you could do it now, but it'd be. I don't know how to do it in virtual reality, but I'm sure all you guys do, but you got to figure out your priorities in life, you know, and the thing that I would tell you to do right now is take a piece of paper and a pen. If you didn't have one, I'd give you one and I'd say write down. You know 10 things that are important to you. You know whatever they are. You know, obviously, for me I'm always going to say my health, my kids, my books. You know people I love, but also my car. You know my car's got to get me to work, my job. Obviously, you know my house, you know, and it can be anything.

Speaker 3: 6:30

You know the 10 things. If you have 10 things, write down 10 things. You've got 20, write down 20. It doesn't really matter, but you write down the things that are important to you.

Speaker 3: 6:38

Then the second thing you do is you take your list and you number them one through 10, you know, however, that is, you figure out the top priorities to the bottom priorities and then you list them one through 10.

Speaker 3: 6:51

And then you draw a line under the top three, and those top three are going to be your foundation. Those are the things that matter the most to you, and if those things are off, you are going to struggle trying to do any of the other things on your list, because these are going to occupy your time, they're going to occupy your worries, they're going to occupy your thoughts, and so it's going to be hard to focus on any of this other stuff. So I would tell you, you know, any decision you're going to make, how does it affect those top three things? And if it doesn't affect them or affects them positively, well then you know you can move ahead with it. If it affects them negatively, then I advise that you don't do whatever it is you think you're going to or you want to do or you're debating to do, and that's that, I think, is the number one thing that you can do. If you figure out your priorities, it gets much easier to figure out where you want to go with your life.

Speaker 1: 7:40

Yeah, I love that. So that's that's really good too, because it you're letting them actually walk through the process, you're not just giving them the answers. It seems like today it's so there's so many people that have answers they want to give. We're not letting people process that. So it's very, very wise. How did you, I guess, when did you have this revelation of learning this? Like, how did it start? Did you start noticing? Hey, you know what? I don't have to answer give all the answers for this. I need to let them kind of process that.

Speaker 3: 8:10

Well, you know, when I was younger and I would give advice. You know, one of the things that happens to a lot of us, when people come to us for advice, is we give them the advice, and it might be great advice, but they don't follow up on it. Right, you know? You tell them that somebody's complaining about a relationship. Well, you should break up with that person. And then they keep going out with them. And then you know they keep running in the same issues getting and getting in a relationship and you get frustrated because you're telling them the same thing over and over again. Well, you know, what really is going on is they're venting to you, you know, and you got to kind of let them get it out.

Speaker 3: 8:44

But I learned that the best way for me to not get feel that frustration of somebody not taking my advice or listening to me, or however you want to look at it, is to let them figure it out. Hey, man, this is what. This is what you say you want to do.

Speaker 2: 8:57

I'm not telling you to do that.

Speaker 3: 9:00

The flip side of that is, somebody might take your advice and it goes south really fast. Hey, I did what you told me to do and it got me beat up or it cost me a lot of money or whatever else you know. And so then they blame you, you know. And again, if you let, them kind of figure it out, you go okay. Hey, man, this is what you said was best for you. I didn't tell you that.

Speaker 1: 9:20

That's what's best for you.

Speaker 2: 9:22

That's right, that's right, that's good.

Speaker 3: 9:25

And so it kind of absolves you of the responsibility. Now, it took me a little while to get there. I'm not going to lie to you, you know, and with age comes wisdom and experience, and whatever experience is the best teacher, but ultimately in the end, you know, that's kind of what I figured out that it's better for me to let them figure it out. That's right, and I got them along the way.

Speaker 1: 9:44

Oh, okay, I see Dean. Or Dean, or go ahead. Do you have a question or a thought?

Speaker 2: 9:49

I just know that Eagle Ierick does have a question.

Speaker 1: 9:51

Okay, well, let's go ahead and bring up the mic, eagle I, if you want to come on down here, we would love to hear your question or thought. Thanks for joining us tonight. Hopefully you know you are muted, all right.

Speaker 4: 10:02

So I got a couple questions real quick. One is being a bartender for as long as you're being, I find that whenever you know, if we go to bars and stuff like that, it's really, really loud. Have you heard of the new? Um, yes. Or have you heard of the old? I don't know what they're called, but the little things that go in your ear that help distort the sound from everything else where you can hear people directly from you?

Speaker 3: 10:28

Yes, I have. Where people like it's the background noise, it cuts a lot of background noise right, they have a problem with their hearing. In that, yes, I have it and from what I've been told they work.

Speaker 2: 10:40

Yeah, okay use that actually yeah.

Speaker 4: 10:43

I was just curious about that, if you knew anything about those. And then the other thing is also, you know, realizing that you know being a bartender is somebody that's back behind the bar and a lot of people just want to be heard, and so I'm sure that you've heard a lot of stories. It's just people want to come in and just talk and and they're really not looking for Maybe advice or looking for you know some, some information from you, but more that they just want to just be heard. Do you find that a lot?

Speaker 3: 11:11

Absolutely, absolutely. You know, a lot of times I've had a lot of conversations with people I've never seen again. I never seen them before they come in and, and they tell me things that they would never tell anybody else. You know, and, and and this is the example I always use is when it comes to family. You know A lot of times the most stressful people in our lives are family members and you can't necessarily complain to another family member because guess what it's going to get around the family, and then you're dealing with with a bigger situation than you want to deal with.

Speaker 3: 11:42

So you know, you look for a stranger and you sit down at the bar and you say you know my, my grandma or my aunt or my mom or my brother or my sister or whatever, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and you get it out and a lot of times that's just what people need, and so I just provide an ear. You know I don't. If they sometimes I'll ask well, you want some advice? You know I can, you know, and then kind of work through that process. But sometimes I'll just let them go and let them kind of vent and and have their say and have their couple drinks and have their lunch or dinner or whatever, and then I, they leave and I never see them again.

Speaker 3: 12:12

And I think that that is something that human beings sometimes need. We need to be heard, we need to get it off our chest, we need to Be acknowledged that, that our frustrations are real and we have the right to feel them. And that's where I think a lot of you know when you suppress that, you know it creates a lot of stress and creates a lot of issues Everything gets bigger, then everything gets.

Speaker 1: 12:34

Yeah, yeah, it's good, yeah, that's good. That was really good. You go, thank you, thank you, thank you, that was really good. Thank you, really. I saw beauty said that. She said her dad actually wears those, those, those ear things, at work. So that's very cool.

Speaker 2: 12:47

I've never heard of that so, so you probably shouldn't get it you probably shouldn't get a missus could, because it probably.

Speaker 1: 12:54

That's probably what happened earlier, where nobody could hear me. They had those on and I was his background noise being filtered out, so Let those on the world.

Speaker 2: 13:02

I put those devices on the world.

Speaker 1: 13:04

Deaners got the wah-wah button going. Look at that. All right, oh, it's a good soldier. It was for you, messes killer b. All right, you want to bring up the mic for good soldiers? Bring up the mic for good soldier, thank you.

Speaker 3: 13:19

What is the most bizarre, strangest story you ever heard behind the bar? You know that's a good question. There's been so many of them. I probably the most bizarre, strangest story would be the one that I could tell personally about working in. And you know, I work at a place it's in the south side of Chicago and it's a corporate restaurant, and one day I get a, I get it's sundae, and I'd been there during the day and I got home around three o'clock or so, around four.

Speaker 3: 13:48

I get a text from my one of my really good regulars and he says, hey, are you okay? And I say, yeah, well, you know, it's a regular. I think he's kind of maybe busting my stones a little bit, or something like that. He goes well, there's just a shooting at your restaurant, yeah, you know. So I text the bartender that's working and I say, is this, is this for real? And she goes yeah, you know she had a very descriptive way of putting it, but basically there was a murder, suicide and and, yeah, the Story behind it is that there was a couple that they were having an affair. She was 41. He was like 59 and she was adopted, but they were cousins and she wanted to end it.

Speaker 3: 14:31

She was married and she wanted to end it, and he came into the restaurant and he couldn't deal with it, and so wow, you see on the video him kind of come in, she's there with her parents and you can kind of see them Looking, scoping out where she is, and then she leaves. Or he leaves and then she leaves.

Speaker 3: 14:46

She gives her parents a hug, goodbye, goes Out to her car, sits down and he comes up and shoots her right through the window and Wow, yeah, I ends up turning a gun on himself then and and kills himself parking lot and so this happens, you know, and you know people are still inside, people are eating at the answer the question. You know it's South Side of Chicago. The restaurant did not close. It's a very interesting world down there you know. But yeah, I would have to say it's probably the craziest thing that ever happened at a place.

Speaker 1: 15:17

Yeah, in terms of. You know, I would like to actually Alex. How do you know, like, when it comes to giving advice, how do you know if it's the right or wrong time to give advice?

Speaker 3: 15:29

Well, you know, I would just ask hey, do you want advice on this? I can give you some advice. You know, some people say no, you know, I just need to vent and need to get it out and kind of leave it at that. And other people say, yeah, sure, you know, and there's somebody says yes, but but I always start with hey, would you like some advice? Or give you some advice, because you know, if you just throw in there that that this is what I would do or this is what I would say, well, you could end up making them angry and yeah it's gone.

Speaker 3: 16:01

They might not be able to handle it that way. Yeah, so I think, okay, that's great advice, advice about advice.

Speaker 2: 16:08

Because, um, you know, you notice that now, with social media and things like that, like people are very vocal about how much they don't like Unsolicited advice, like I never knew that before. Yeah, cuz you think like this person is like you know about to walk into someplace where I've been. I'll just tell them my experience, but it comes off as unsolicited advice. So really like that, like, do you want advice about this?

Speaker 1: 16:33

Maybe they don't maybe they got it all figured out.

Speaker 2: 16:36

Well, that has a question.

Speaker 1: 16:37

Okay, come on down. Look, come on down, let's throw some confetti for a letter, everybody thinks they're being here left. You're muted, just let you know you're muted. But, man, I love the shades. I love the shades.

Speaker 2: 16:47

I must have been from yeah, he's.

Speaker 3: 16:49

He's really decking it out, man Okay my question is have you ever given advice to somebody who you know Wanted to talk to you about something and you gave him advice and then you ended up running into them late and they actually thank you for the advice that you gave them?

Speaker 2: 17:06

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 3: 17:07

Yeah, yeah, I've had people come in and say, hey, you know, I I took what you said and I applied it to my life. You know, there was a good story for this and, honestly, I a lot of the vice I pass on is just coming from other people. You know they'll tell me their experience in life and I'll listen to their story. And then somebody comes in and a similar experience and I'll just pass it right on on. So it's not like I'm coming up oh, I'm not that wise, I just listen.

Speaker 3: 17:34

But one of the one of the best examples I can give of that is you know, there was a lady who came in one time. She told me how her son was struggling with reading and to get him he was completely uninterested in reading, but to get him to read he, she got him in the comic books. She's, he, she picked up some comic books him to him for Easter and whatever else, and he really like took to them. So all of a sudden, you know, he found something that he liked to read and he became a reader. And then another lady comes in another time and and she's Lamenting about how her son is struggling in school, doesn't like to read, completely adamant, doesn't want to read. It's just one big problem after another with his teachers, and so I pass on that advice.

Speaker 3: 18:14

Well, you know and and she had told me too that he was really into the Superman movies and Marvel movies and whatever. So I say why don't you just get him some comic books if you already like some movies?

Speaker 3: 18:23

You know who probably take to the house, and so he did, she did and he did. And the next thing, you know, you know I don't know if he ever became a great student or anything else, but she ended up coming in and and saying to me another time that yeah, that was great advice. You know, he really liked the comic books and he started reading, started getting better grades and, and you know, it worked out at least I love that worked out good for them, so that's great.

Speaker 1: 18:51

Yes, thanks, love dinner. I saw the light lighting up. You got somebody another question or a?

Speaker 2: 18:55

thought yeah, lady Hawk has a question 80 Hawk.

Speaker 1: 18:58

Come on down, lady Hawk. Look at all these questions. I love this. This is great.

Speaker 2: 19:01

Thank you, lady oh hi, what was the funniest thing that's ever happened, as you've been bartending.

Speaker 3: 19:06

Okay, can I use a little bit of a profanity on this one or?

Speaker 1: 19:10

yeah, you can use a little bit of profanity, yeah, all right.

Speaker 3: 19:13

So one of my best regulars, this guy named bill, he's been coming in here for 15 years or so, you know, and almost every day. But first time he came in it was a really busy night and we had three bartenders. We had a bartender that did the bar top, we had one that didn't we have six tables and there was one that took care of the tables and then we had a bartender on the service wall and I was the one on the service wall that night. He just ended up having to sit in the spot right there he's waiting on a carry out. Carry out ran a little late, so he sits down there and he says you know, so I start chatting with him now.

Speaker 3: 19:41

He's a Vietnam vet and he has that sort of personality. You know he's an old-timer and and very much a. You know he likes bus and stones and everything else and but I worked in a corporate restaurant at the time so you know I'd be kind of careful and how I approach it. But I could see he was having fun with it. So I was having fun with it and I grew up. The place I grew up in we had a lot of Vietnam vets, world War II vets, korean War vets, those are guys that I grew up with, so I kind of already could relate to where he was coming from.

Speaker 3: 20:08

And so we start going back and forth and we start you know, I don't know building our relationship, I guess, I'd say. And so his carry out order comes out and he pays his check and he hands me a ticket. He looks at me and he goes. I just got one other question for you. You know what's that he goes? Are all the other bartenders here? I suppose are you the only one? I'm my son. Judging by the people that I tracked, I think I'm the biggest one. That's a part of you know. The banter in a bar is probably the most fun part of the bar, you know, and it's the wit and it's the back and forth, and you know whether it's talking sports or talking life or whatever you know it's.

Speaker 3: 20:48

That's all doing the job.

Speaker 2: 20:51

I mean my dad. So my dad wasn't a veteran, but he would love it if you would just roll with a comment like that you know he would just love it when people would do that, because it's like, you know, in one way I would think, like he's trying to get under people's skin. He wants a reaction. Maybe that's why he would love it if he couldn't ruffle somebody. You know.

Speaker 1: 21:12

Oh yeah, yeah, you know. Oh, sworcat looks like has a question too. So, uh, where's Sworcat? I see up here. Okay, you want to bring up the microphone quick for Sworcat? Sworcat, come on down, you have to. I almost read off your question but I was like, hey, we should bring her down, let her read it.

Speaker 4: 21:26

Oh, what's your favorite part of your job? It's good.

Speaker 3: 21:30

You know, favorite part of my job anymore is getting to know people. It's talking to people.

Speaker 3: 21:35

You know, the best part of bartending is that you get life from a very diverse point of view you know, and the place the corporate restaurant that I worked at, has a very diverse crowd and I always say I'm very grateful to have gotten that job, because I had to get over any prejudices or biases or anything else, because I was seeing so many different people coming in, you know, and there are always a chance of that person becoming a regular and not just a regular friend. I mean these people. You know I get invited to weddings, I go to funerals, birthday parties and everything in between, and so, you know, you get to know somebody for 10 years, 15 years, whatever. You get to know a lot about their life and that is without a doubt. You know, everybody thinks it's making the drinks and making the drinks is fun. But I say at this point, you know I'm lucky to be working with a lot of young bartenders. They all want to make the drinks. I let them make the drinks and I check with people.

Speaker 3: 22:30

That is what I enjoy doing the most.

Speaker 1: 22:33

I love it. Thank you, swarcat. Thank you, I love that. Okay, I want to go ahead and go back to. I want to ask this question before I forget about asking, like about when we're talking about when to give advice and when not to give advice. I know that firsthand for myself, sometimes, being the person who's been asked to give advice or I feel like this is a friend of mine I need to kind of share something with them and let them be aware of something that might not be received that well, like as a friend. I'm like I know I've got to talk to this person personally about this and knowing that advice, depending on their reaction, might not go so well. So what should we expect? Because I think that's the hardest thing. It's like when you know this is a friend I really care about and I think I need to give them some advice about something that's going on that maybe they're not seeing. What should we expect?

Speaker 3: 23:28

Fair. That is when somebody has a drinking problem. And I've had plenty of regulars who became friends, who I knew they had problems and sooner or later I did have to confront that. And you always started off with hey man, you know I'm your friend, you know how much I care about you, you know I'm here for you. But you've got a problem and I've got to be honest with you.

Speaker 3: 24:11

And if I'm not honest with you, I'm not being your friend then, and yes, you have to go into that, knowing you could lose this relationship.

Speaker 2: 24:20

But if you're going to do the right thing, then you've got to do the right thing.

Speaker 3: 24:25

And even if it costs you the relationship or even if it creates a situation between you two, you still put it in their head, they're still going to think about it, they're still going to munch on it, it's still going to be a thing to where they're considering your words and sometimes you know it might take a year, but all of a sudden they come around and they realize that hey man, that person was being my best friend. You know, it's easy to always tell some people what they want to hear and what they like, but the best friends in your life will be the ones that tell you the stuff that you don't want to hear and that you need to hear because they're looking out for you and that's how you got to approach it.

Speaker 1: 25:00

You got to tell them hey, I'm your friend, that's so good. So there was a friend that I had to do that once and it was Did you set a year? It actually took a year for me to hear back from them Like, man, they like. When I told them I knew they didn't like it but and me and Mrs Killer B talked about it because it was hard, because I was like it was a really good friend of mine but I knew I had to tell them. It took a year.

Speaker 1: 25:19

And then just recently, you know we do consulting. So when I do consulting with clients, there'll be times I'm like I know they're not going to like what I have to say, but they need to kind of check their own hearts and their thoughts on behind what they're doing. And we just recently had a conversation about that and it was like, well, I got to be honest, if I'm not, I'm not a good consultant, I'm not really doing my job well. But I never really thought of that from like, from your perspective, as being a bartender, having to tell friends that you've come close with like hey, you might have a drinking problem.

Speaker 3: 25:53

Oh yeah, you got an issue, man, you know, and it from my. It doesn't just cost me the relationship. A lot of times it costs me money, but you know I mean, if you're going to, I'm going to truly be friends with these people and develop a good relationship with these people, Well then, you know you got to be honest with them.

Speaker 2: 26:10

We do have a question from lost virtually.

Speaker 1: 26:12

Okay, cool, let's bring lost up for a question real quick and then we'll go ahead and and let you transition to the next part of the question. You have here. Mrs Killerbee, hey lost. How you doing. Hey, so glad you found yourself here.

Speaker 3: 26:26

Alex, how are you? I'm doing well, thank you. How did the COVID lockdowns affect your business? That's a great question actually. You know the place I worked at. We switched to takeout and and I continued to do takeout and the takeout was crazy. I mean, I can tell you it was really busy. People still needed the comfort food. They still didn't want to cook all the time, they still wanted to go out and a lot of times, you know, I'd have my regulars text me hey, are you working? You know, because of my, my job and a lot of that time was to be the one that ran the food out, which was great.

Speaker 4: 27:06

I didn't pick it.

Speaker 3: 27:07

I didn't you know if you pulled up yeah, I'd be standing out front If you pulled up and run inside, get your order running out. So you know they'd call me up or they text me and say how are you working, and so you know.

Speaker 3: 27:18

I was able to maintain contact with a lot of them that way, you know, and I was grateful for that. And then, when we reopened, it was absolutely out of control, because people need people, you know, and they'd been cooped up inside for so long that when the opportunity to go out, even though we had everything spread out, you could only be so close to people we could only have so many people.

Speaker 3: 27:44

The bar would be full almost every night and one of the best stories I can tell from that is one of my regulars. I haven't seen her in a long time and we actually closed an hour early. We'd closed at 9 instead of 10. And she came in around 8.30 and you know she drinks rum and coke, pour rum and coke. You know she's sitting at the bar. I'm kind of catching up with her in that.

Speaker 3: 28:03

And then 9 o'clock I was around. I said you want anything for last call? And she looks at me and she goes last call. Are you kidding me? I thought she were open till 10. And I was like, well, no, you know, we closed at 9 now and she goes. Oh man, this is the first time I've been out in the last six months and you know I was really kind of just coming out, coming out and hanging out and kind of talking. And so I looked at her and you know, basically I put a couple other drinks under check, cashed her out, cashed out my drawer, and told her hey, man, hang out until I'm done. You know, because it usually takes about an hour to close the bar.

Speaker 3: 28:35

So I said you can stay here until I turn off the TVs and you know we can sit and chat and whatever else and you know, gave her the chance to stay out and you know, stay until 10. But it was like that with a lot of people, you know, they just needed to get out, they needed to see their friends, they needed to be around people, so I love that.

Speaker 3: 28:53

I love that my favorite part of my job is being around the people and interacting with people and you know you kind of learn. That's what gives you purpose as a bartender. You know, and one of the things people look at restaurants and they say you know it's not really a profession, it's not really a job. You know you can't do that all your life because what do you really get out of it? You know you show up, you serve food, you clear plates, you know whatever else.

Speaker 3: 29:16

But well, and that's what I have learned, you know, the purpose comes when somebody sits down at your bar and they get it off their chest or like you know, there's a story I always tell people. There's a lady who she came in for nine months. She came in every Wednesdays working with another bartender. We both got to know her really well. She'd have a dirty martini straight up and then a glass and a half of wine and she'd usually eat and we'd chat about everything. And we'd chat about her kids, we'd chat about books, we'd chat about work.

Speaker 3: 29:45

She had a daughter who did nature filming in Alaska, so she had a lot of stories about her seeing bears and stuff like that you know, and nine months ago by and she comes in and she's got a gift for both of us and it's you know, she gives it to us and she goes. You know, I've been great knowing you. I probably never see you again and we look at each other and we're like why?

Speaker 3: 30:04

what happened, you know? And she goes well, be honest with you, my brother's been in hospice and he died and I was taking care of him the last nine months or so, and you know, now I'm going to move on with my life. And so we looked at her and I was like man, I'm sorry, I had no idea. And she goes no, no, I didn't tell you. I didn't want to tell you because I needed the time of coming in here on Wednesdays and talking about everything else other than my brother in hospice. And you know I'm so grateful for that and I can't tell you how you helped me get through that. And it's moments like that that I realized wow, man, you know, I really do have purpose in this world.

Speaker 2: 30:42

And I really do affect people's lives.

Speaker 3: 30:44

So you know that's the best part of the job.

Speaker 1: 30:48

Amen, that's it. I love that because, like you might think, like whatever job you're in, you might be thinking like, well, what's the purpose for me being in this position? But there's a purpose. God's got a purpose there. I don't know if you've ever heard of an artist, jason Gray. We have his quote up on our wall. He did his debut of this song here and it just fit here. So if you don't know him, just go up on Spotify or YouTube, look up Jason Gray. But look up this song called Be Kind. He debuted it here, but we put the quote in here because the quote says Be Kind, because it's actually over here, above the producer, so you can't see it. It's up on the wall, that big black plaque, but it says what it says is Be Kind, because everyone you meet is fighting their own battle and needs to know they matter and that's what you're doing and there's so much power in that. So, wow, thank you so much, alex, for sharing that. Mrs Killerbee, go ahead, you had something you wanted to share.

Speaker 2: 31:36

So about your book, what I was curious about, first of all, before you explain it and tell us whatever you would like to about it, was your job as a bartender, like what led you to write this book, or is it connected at all?

Speaker 3: 31:52

Oh yeah. Well, the connection that I have as a bartender to my book is this I warn everybody that sits at the bar, be careful, because you might end up a character in my book. Oh, I love that. A lot of the characters in my book are as real as they are in life.

Speaker 3: 32:10

There's one guy his name is Rags and in the book he's Rags and Rags. He was a. He was in the war. He was in Hawaii during December 7, 1941. He was in the army. He wasn't in the Navy, but he fought the Japanese all the way up to Tokyo and a lot of stories learned a lot from him and, yeah, he became the regular. He's my first regular. I say he's my first regular ever and he's a regular in my book, and so that's really where the link to my book, to my work, really begins.

Speaker 3: 32:44

Now, if you read my book, you do spend a lot of time in a bar in my book because that's what I know and that's some of the advice that I give to writers. You know is write what you know. So there is a lot of the interactions in a bar and stuff like that. But the book itself you know I play with the history of whiskey and that was kind of linked to it as well. You know I kind of knew the history going into it. But I did a lot of other research required for my book because it's historical fiction and I go back to 1743.

Speaker 1: 33:13

I can't wait to read it.

Speaker 2: 33:14

It sounds so interesting.

Speaker 1: 33:15

First, I'll probably forget how can people connect with you and how can they find out about your book? Is it available right now or is it coming out? It's not published yet.

Speaker 3: 33:23

It's available. It's available. So it's actually trilogy, the first book is called the Shot of Okies and you can find it on Amazon, barnes, noble or the Exibris website. The Exibris is the publisher. I actually self-published it. You could always connect to me through literary booths and that's on Facebook, instagram and X or Twitter or whatever that's called now.

Speaker 3: 33:44

And I say that's usually probably the best way to get a hold of me is the DM me that way Because I'm always. I post every day and what I really do with the page is I highlight an author every month. So this month it's CS Lewis, the Chronicles of Nermini. On.

Speaker 1: 33:58

Posts.

Speaker 2: 33:59

Facts about their lives, stuff like that up there.

Speaker 3: 34:03

So if you follow it, you know and you like authors and you're a reader, you know you learn a lot about a lot of different authors. But then I also, whenever there's an announcement about my book, I'll put that up or I'll. Sometimes I'll post some dramatic readings, stuff like that, on there too.

Speaker 1: 34:15

Awesome, very cool, very cool, awesome, awesome. If you're listening to the podcast replay, we'll actually put a link to the show notes as well, so make sure you check out the link in the show notes, alex, as we, every time we close out at one of our shows, we love to ask our guests to share. If there's one thing that you would hope people would walk away with today, that's here, or listening to the podcast. What would you hope that would be?

Speaker 3: 34:41

Well, you know it kind of goes with what you're saying before with the plaque that you have, you know I mean truly treat everybody like individuals. You know everybody has their own story. Everybody has their own lives going. You have no idea, when you look at somebody like what they're going through. You know.

Speaker 3: 35:00

So if you just treat them with respect. As an individual, you'll be shocked at the type of relationships that you'll establish with people that you would have no idea you could even establish with people that you would have no idea that you could be friends with, you know, and your life is enriched and you grow and mature as a person then in ways that you can't imagine.

Speaker 1: 35:24

Oh man, that's awesome. I love it. I love it and I can't wait to check out the book. What's the book called? Again, it says it's a trilogy.

Speaker 3: 35:31

It's a trilogy. The trilogy is called the Old Roads and Chronicles and the first book is called the Shotokis. Awesome, awesome.

Speaker 1: 35:37

Awesome. Well, if you guys, if you guys get off here and you guys are like, hey, what was that book, just message us. We'll make sure you find out how to get to that. Thank you so much, alex, for joining us. If you guys want, let's throw some confetti and start some confetti. And thank Alex for joining us tonight.

Speaker 2: 35:49

Thanks for tuning in to the Stories we Live podcast and, before you go, make sure you hit that subscribe button, and we'd love it if you would leave us a review.