Coaching Skills For Leaders
Coaching Skills For Leaders
Cultivating Awareness: What Leaders Need To Know
In this episode, Jana and Neil embark on a journey to unravel the complexities of leadership and the transformative power of cultivating awareness. It's an undisputed truth that leaders shape the heartbeat of their teams, and our conversation peeled back the layers to reveal how a leader's quest for self-awareness can be the catalyst for team empowerment and innovation. We dissect the subtle art of asking the right questions and holding space for silence, unraveling the threads that weave a culture of trust and continuous growth. This isn't about top-down directives; it's a masterclass in harnessing the potential within each team member by nurturing insight and strategic thinking through powerful metaphors and proven coaching models like the Gestalt approach.
Jana and I also dove into the critical roles of authenticity and vulnerability, discussing how these traits can dismantle barriers and pave the way for genuine connections and team resilience. The power of listening cannot be overstressed—as leaders, our ability to truly hear can transform the workplace into a sanctuary of expression and self-discovery. We explore the nuances of introducing coaching techniques to teams, ensuring the process is respectful and devoid of any hint of manipulation. This episode is an invitation to leaders who are ready to step back, to foster an environment where voices are heard, and personal insights can blossom into shared success. Join us as we equip you with the tools to leave a lasting imprint on the leaders of tomorrow.
Welcome to the Coaching Skills for Leaders podcast with Jana Henderson and Neil Thubron. The purpose of the podcast is to help leaders anywhere develop their coaching skills to transform the lives of those they lead as well as their own. Welcome to another episode of Coaching Skills for Leaders with Yana O'Neill. It's great to be back again. How are you, Yana?
Speaker 2:I'm fabulous, thank you. I've got lots of energy, got up at four, but you know that's just my life sometimes. I'm still feeling really good and excited about this conversation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely so am I, and so let's get straight to it. So what we're going to be talking about today is evoking awareness, is the title, which is in the International Coaching Federation, is one of their competencies, competency seven and the reason we wanted to talk about this today. It's the core of what we do as coaches the kind of opening, the contracting, the actions. At the end, that's something that anyone can do, but what we're taught as coaches is how do you take someone from where they are and help them see something they can't see, and so evoking awareness is really about all of that, and so we're going to talk about some of the techniques and topics and the ways we might do that, but it's probably worth exploring first. Actually, yana, be interested in your view on this. Why is this important?
Speaker 2:yeah, that's a really good question. I think it might not be on top of every leader's minds right to create awareness, because it tends to be a bit of transactional environment in a business context, doesn't it, yeah, really bring something into their leadership practice that is more nuanced and more advanced, where we see really an opportunity to foster just a general culture of continuous improvement, where we want to really enhance how the team is performing together, but also between senior management and the teams themselves, and I think it's about really creating a culture where innovation and trust and respect and growth are the key values which I think a lot of companies put on their flags but maybe aren't quite sure how to live into. Yeah, so I think it's really like think about it. Like how, how does it feel to work with a leader where you come away from the meeting with insight, with a new awareness, a perspective you hadn't quite considered, and it didn't feel yucky yeah, I think that's what it's about yeah, I think that's great explanation.
Speaker 1:It didn't feel like you were told. You actually became aware of it and I think there are two contexts that come into my mind where this would be really powerful for leaders. One of them is where you're having a career conversation with someone. You're doing some career coaching and trying to invoke awareness around their skill set and how they can develop and the gaps they might have that they can't see. And the other one is where you've got potentially an their skill set and how they can develop and the gaps they might have that they can't see Right. And the other one is where you've got potentially an issue with a person, but they can't see the issue. So you're trying to use techniques to evoke awareness in so they become aware of the problem that you see without telling them.
Speaker 2:Right, and you're pointing to something I think really, really nuanced here, which is that there is a lot to be said for the place that this comes from right. So if a leader is trying to get someone to be aware of their flaws or their faults or their you know, the issues that they're creating, it kind of comes from a biased perspective and stance as leader, and so I think what's unique in the way that coach and coachee practice this is that it is really coming from a very open-minded experience, or open-minded perspective, I should say, and one where the leader or the coach may consider really, what is the other person's experience? What is, what are they actually aware of they have? And we're not thinking that we know what's best for them or we know what they need to know, but there's an openness about exploring with curiosity the ways that you know we are both thinking what we're valuing, what we're needing and wanting yeah, place of love.
Speaker 1:I think it's. You know love is, you know, in inverted commas, but you know it's a place of caring. You know, the reason you're having this conversation is because you care about the person in front of you and you want to help them be aware of something that's going to improve them or make their situation better. Help, sorry to interrupt you there.
Speaker 2:I was just going to say. I think it speaks or this will speak, this episode mostly to leaders who are at the stage of their career where they're really starting to be focused on essentially transmitting what they know, right, raising the next generation of managers and passing on what they know. But they'reing the next generation of managers and passing on what they know, but they're doing it really from a very integrated leadership place. I think that's what we're saying. You know, and we know that this evoking awareness goes beyond just asking powerful questions or using metaphors you know, those simple things, things but it's actually really with the intent of human development and improvement, um, where we're looking at really what's beyond the things that we already are knowing. You know, what are we? What could we notice?
Speaker 1:go on yeah, I think you're right and we need to explore that full spectrum of how do we evoke awareness. And but you, you know what you just said there. I think it's really important because the questionings and metaphors you know, and if you read what the icf talk about in this competency, it's all about questions, this questions that ask questions here, and it is about so one of the one of the key ways a leader can evoke awareness is by asking awareness is by asking thoughtful, powerful, open questions that are trying to help someone see something that they can't see, not directed in a particular direction, but genuinely interested in um, in being able to ask those, uh, those open question. You know, this is one of the, this is one of your superpowers is being able to ask those great questions that just stop you in your tracks, and you know when someone's been invoked to awareness because they suddenly go silent completely and you can see their. They're just thoughts that they're just going.
Speaker 1:Wow, I've just been hit by a brick. You know, this question has just whacked me. I'm like, oh, now I see.
Speaker 2:Usually what people say to that is, oh, that's a really good question, or I've never thought about it this way. That's kind of how you know that you hit a nerve, right. But besides, these kinds of questions which, you know, not everybody might find that so easy to get to, these kinds of like mega questions, right. But I do think people you know can contribute to creating awareness by even just simple things like reframing something or sharing an observation or an insight or a feeling, but without attachment.
Speaker 2:And there was one thing that stood out to me from this book called Positive Provocation by Robert Biswosdina, where he talks about challenging without invalidating, and I love that, because there is a difference between hey, here's this thing that you think to be true or you know to be true and this wrong, versus hey, what you know is to be true is partially correct, but then maybe a nuance here that you haven't considered. And so he talks about this as the 90 degree view, where the sweet spot is really saying things that are new but still making room for their existing beliefs. And I think that, like that's when I think we talk about leadership mastery, where you're really like coming, you're sort of on the same you know side of the field of the. You know of the sports field, if you will, of the field of the. You know of the sports field, if you will, of the football field, but you have the power to give a new perspective and leaving the other person to stay in the right at the same time does that?
Speaker 1:does that approach? Is that similar to the work by baron katie? You know that. Is that true? Is that really true? Because you're kind of challenging in a kind in a way that is trying to help someone really test whether what they believe about themselves is the case.
Speaker 2:I mean it's a different style of doing that, right, but I think it's this. It's the intent is the same, right, we're looking at. Ok, so you know, you are true, that you are right about what you're experiencing. What you are feeling and experiencing is correct, which, let's just be honest, loads of leaders, you know, sort of struggle at that first hurdle and can't have the other person stay right to begin with. Usually we try to tell them how somebody else is wrong about what they're perceiving. And so validation, validation, validation.
Speaker 2:I know we keep harping on about it, but that's really implied in evoking awareness that will feel fruitful and not yucky. And so I think, when we use Byron Katie's work, you know, one of the questions that probably is similar to what Robert Biswas-Diener is talking about is this of like who do we become when we think the thought? So you're going, you know, you're like, letting the person be right. Yes, you're having this thought, and let's look at how we're raising awareness. Who do you become when you're like? How do you act? What do you think? How do you feel?
Speaker 2:And most of the time, beliefs that are unhelpful will make a person feel and act less than not optimally in some shape or form, but they're then answering that question by themselves in a non like, in a judgment-free zone. So I think it's very different. Also when we, depending on the tone we use, right, like you could be like, yeah, and how does that make you feel? Right, that's different than, um, okay, when you're, when you're believing that you're not good enough for this job, how does it make you feel? You know, who do you become? So there's a, there's a nuance there as well, I'm sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's really interesting. You just, you just prompted a thought in my head around the questioning and the structure, because with the, there was something I learned from you a couple of years ago, which was the throwaway comment. And when there's a evoking awareness, when someone makes a throwaway comment, they don't necessarily realize that they've done that, but by really listening and reading, by asking that the question what made you say that or what was it about that?
Speaker 2:you know so not letting it go that is a really good way of evoking awareness as well. 100, yeah, I love that you brought that example. It totally is, because it means that we're listening at a different level right.
Speaker 2:It shows that we picked up on something that people might just say sort of this off-handed comment, and they're not realizing the importance of that, or they're not realizing what they're shutting down, closing off from by having this prefix right. So this is definitely a way that we can bring awareness by pure observation. Hey, I noticed you just said that. What did you mean by that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, right, and that's a classic question for evoking awareness, and that's just such as it sounds like a simple question, but it's such a it's such an important question to ask at the right time, in the right way, in the right tone, and a leader asking that. Imagine a leader in a meeting with one of their employees or one of their peers. You know, I just heard you say that what, what, what did you mean by that? Or what is that? What is the point? Where does that come from? Whatever it might be? Um, so we've talked about questions.
Speaker 2:I have one more question actually for you, if you, if you don't mind okay, it came to my mind when we were talking which is around specificity. So another way to ask questions that are evoking awareness. I, you know, almost on every call, have opportunity to ask someone to get more specific about what that thing means to them. So anytime we have generalized terms of I want to feel confident, I want to be happier, I want to be less stressed, if we're asking for specificity of what that means to the person themselves, they will give us their definition, which usually is something that they might not have spoken about out loud, so they may keep thinking, oh, I need to feel more confident, or, you know, I, I want to be more organized, or whatever. But have they ever thought beyond that phrase to what that means to them specifically? So that's another way of creating deep insight.
Speaker 1:I miss so many types of questions. I was watching a Rich Litvin video this morning and he asked there's one question he asked regularly which is all about evoking awareness, and the question he asked is it's 12 months from now and you know you pick up the phone and you phone me and say hi, rich, I just want to tell you about this amazing year I've had. And just by using that methodology to get someone to talk in the present term, putting themselves in the future, it gets them to a place where it's it's it's making the future real, it's making the future present, which is evoking awareness about where they want to go and what's important to them. Um so, and if any of the leaders listening to this want to um gather those questions, there are so many places on the internet to gather great questions. You can ask that help evoke awareness, like like that 100 and really what the benefit of that is.
Speaker 2:You know it's we're creating. We've talked about this last time, um, or previously at least about creating trust and safety. This is how you do that, too right like you're creating a safe space and you're really encouraging people to self-reflect and also direct their own learning. I think that's a really big part of it as well, where we are essentially opening the space to saying, you know, by inquiring with curiosity like how can, how do you want to solve this problem, or what do you think needs to be done, you know, you're you're really empowering the human to figure out their own path, and to me, that you know is even an another step of that awareness in action, and so there are huge advantages, I think, from growing a culture that includes this, and I don't think that's happening a lot in different organizations.
Speaker 1:No, I totally agree with you. If it's okay, I'd just like to move on to a couple of other things. So what are your thoughts on metaphors for evoking awareness? You mentioned it earlier.
Speaker 2:I just want to just drill in a little bit more on that yeah, I think metaphors are really, really powerful when we want to speak the language of the person we're talking with and we we have a way of essentially it's a reframe right where we use an example of a bird's eye view or this 12 months from now question. They are essentially ways to help the person think differently in form of metaphors. Personally, I have to actually say like metaphors are something I very intentionally have to practice because it does not come naturally to me. I kind of keep a bit of a log of those when I hear good ones, but it's definitely, I think, a different way of reframing and creating awareness that way Like what if you were? Even if it's simple scenarios, right. Like what if you were? You know this person already, this role model already. Like how would you act? You know.
Speaker 1:It doesn't have to be a beautifully thought out story metaphor, in my view no, I, I, yeah, I agree, and, and it could it, it could be, and everybody will have their own metaphors they want to use and it and um, and it does change the view, change the perspective and get someone to think in a different way.
Speaker 1:So I think it's got a place for evoking awareness if it's relevant. And the other thing that kind of comes to mind is you know, in coaching there's also this opportunity, and leaders, again, can do this absolutely as one of their skills is introducing models or ideas that might evoke awareness as well. You know, the one I'm thinking of at the moment is like the Stephen Covey four quadrants or the Eisenhower quadrants, which is a great way of evoking awareness about someone who might have an issue with. I don't have enough time, you know I struggle with time, so you can use the Eisenhower quadrants of you know what's urgent, what's not urgent, what's important, not important, so you can, and that those four and just introducing a model can sometimes evoke awareness. Oh yeah, I'm actually not spending any time in that strategy area.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 2:And another example of that would actually be the circle of influence. That's probably right, like what's in my control, what's not in my control, that sort of thing. So, yeah, I love that. I think you know as coaches we do that, so naturally right Like we talk people through the, you know the different models that we use where it helps them sort of take apart something and get a deeper insight to something.
Speaker 2:And what I'm noticing as I'm reflecting this conversation is that really there's one big thing that we haven't said that is presupposed in all of this, which is that the leader him or herself themselves has awareness and has the capability to pause to understand what their awareness actually is and where there is bias or judgment. So you know before we can be, and I think this is in part why it's not so widely spread yet this kind of culture um is because leaders themselves are not fully aware of their own thoughts, of their own bias, of how you know, of their opinions, of their their model of the world and how they're putting that on other people, right, those kinds of things. So it does really require an advanced level of self-awareness to practice this so okay, agreed.
Speaker 1:So how could someone get that? Get a coach? Yeah, that's true, I mean, get a coach.
Speaker 2:Every leader needs a coach. Sorry, like everybody who wants to get further and have, you have to have the outside perspective of somebody that can reflect and mirror and that, can you know, challenge you to grow. You're not going to sit there and be like, hmm, I wonder which blind spot I can pick out and learn about today of my own. You know that's not how it works, so you know you. I mean, if you don't have a coach, then maybe at least listen truly and deeply to the employees in your teams, because they will also flag up some blind spots. But we can't inherently and by definition see our own blind spots.
Speaker 1:So it requires something. Okay, brilliant, brilliant answer. Yeah, and you know, as I was preparing for this, I was thinking about evoking awareness and actually, as coaches, we're taught models and techniques for doing that. You know, and recently I've been exploring a couple that I really like. I like the gestalt approach.
Speaker 1:Now, leaders who have not been coached will not know what that is or they've not been psychologists or something, but I love that as a method and I've used it several times and you've used it with me as well in the past, and I love that. You know method and I've used it several times and you've used it with me as well in the past, and I love that. You know where you've got these chairs. It's a two, three chairs approach and I'm not going to go into it now and explain what it is, but if you're interested in developing coaching skills as a leader, just have a look at some of these coaching models. There's the Gestalt model I really like.
Speaker 1:Constellations I think is brilliant and you use little models and move them around. And especially, actually, if you're working and you've got challenges with I don't know an employee's, got team issues with their team or with how they're positioned in the company, the Constellations approach would be and again, I'm not going to go into detail, just have a look online. I've watched a youtube video earlier is um. Those kind of models will help a leader, evoke a bit more awareness with an employee a hundred percent.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's just a simple matter of fact that we are blessed in the coaching profession to have inherited an enormous amount of psychology methodology and theories and models, and you know, exercises like what you were just describing and Fritz Perl's Gestalt therapy, of course, is one of those key ones and I think sometimes we could be a little bit like, oh yeah, but I'm not a psychologist, right as a coach or a leader. We might be like I can't do that, but I think there still is going to be food for thought in learning about those and valuing them for creating a new perspective. If all you said in a meeting well, you know, let's pretend that the other team member that we all have a problem with sits on that chair, how would we talk to them? You know, what might they say back? And here's another like what would the observer say? Like there, it doesn't have to be rocket science to be of effect.
Speaker 1:Right, and you make a really good point about being afraid to actually do something or being the fear of failing, or fear of not being a specialist in this area, or the fear of what could, what could go wrong with this, and actually I would encourage leaders to just try things. They can't, it can't go wrong. You're not going to damage anyone, but just and actually be honest. Look, I might I've not done this before, but this might help. Yeah, this might help. You know, in this situation. Move you forward, just, and be a be a bit bold and don't um, I kind of you've kind of got to drop the ego and be authentic and be vulnerable and just, um, just have a look if you're interested and try it. Try something different with one of your team or one of your peers, or maybe practice it with a family member to start with. You know, just give it a go, don't be afraid to start.
Speaker 2:You don't have to have loads of letters after your name to be able to use some of these technologies yeah, and you're kind of coming into talking a little bit about what might be the common challenges leaders might face when they're trying to practice this.
Speaker 2:And I I do think that at first, you know, nobody is starting with a perfect set of skills, so we might be a little bit clunky or like a little bit not quite, you know, haven't gotten it right or not got the right question, and so, yeah, you might feel some pushback or you know a member of staff being like a little bit biased or resistant to this approach, and then we just back off Right, like then that's all we can do and we can sort of try to repair if there's any damage there.
Speaker 2:But I think overall it really boils down to which place we're coming from. So if it's a more soul-centered kind of leadership where you are really like you were just mentioning this difference between ego versus soul-based you know that's a whole other episode, I think, of the podcast but if we are coming from a place of genuine authenticity and care and love for the person and not even the desire for them to grow, but just simply out of human connection, you know person to person I think it's worth the risk to try it out, because the benefits probably outweigh the risk of getting it wrong yeah, and and I think if you ask permission before you do it, if you kind of explain what, what you're going to try and what you're going to, then it takes away any of that.
Speaker 1:You know you're not trying to manipulate someone, you're not trying to, uh, you to move them in a certain direction. You're just giving them the option of using this method if they, if they'd like to. So I'm just the final point on the competency card for the ICF providers. The coach allows the client to do most of the talking. I think that's so important in evoking awareness. It has. You know, as you said, you can't tell someone about an opinion or a view and then they leave the room and they feel great. So it's got to come from them and be enabled by the leader to help the person in front of them, evoke that awareness.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you know, I think what they also mean by that is the power of verbal processing, right? So very often, a person that is just allowed to speak without interruption and with somebody deeply and actively listening, they will speak to more of the thing you know and therefore create their own awareness as they unpack it by simply having the space to talk. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:That's a methodology in its own way, isn't it? That is it in a nutshell? I mean, that's really what coaching is about.
Speaker 2:So we don't need to be putting them on a couch with a psychotherapist, but if we are the leader, can we be still long enough to have the person say what they're saying? Without wanting to like, do the various forms of interrupting with m's and r's and have you thought about this? But just to listen. Then they will do the self-examining and the self-awareness creating naturally, which is really great I've seen it in the.
Speaker 1:You know the time time to talk is another model where you just ask one question and then you don't say anything. If you tell someone you're going to do it, so you don't, otherwise they think it's a bit weird.
Speaker 1:You say I'm going to, I'm going to ask you a question and I'm not going to say anything for 20 minutes yeah and they talk and then they kind of stop, and then they another thought comes in and then by the time they get to the third or fourth thought they're really getting deep into and they've gone around in a circle and they've normally answered their own question come and it's evoked awareness in themselves through the verbal talk, the way they've, um, just kept thinking and thinking and talking about it yeah, and this, this implies another skill that you're highlighting, which is for the leader to or the coach, whichever way to be able to shut up.
Speaker 2:I mean, it sounds so simple, but if you did nothing else from you know, took nothing else away from this podcast episode, then maybe it's just the practice of that Noticing how often you interrupt people, or really just being quiet, really just asking one question and allowing the other person to answer it that spaciousness in and of itself can be a beautiful practice for creating more awareness in the other person, where there's no judgment and yuckiness implied.
Speaker 1:so I think, yeah, I mean, you're bringing up just a beautiful example of how, uh, you know, an everyday person can practice these things so I think we we've covered, from one end of the spectrum, the the things that anybody can do at any time, you know, asking questions that come from the heart, that care list, really listening and being silent right through to some of the more technical coaching models that you could use to help evoke awareness. So is there anything you'd like to to add to as we close out?
Speaker 2:no, I think I think we did cover it all. I think I would just like to come back to this point of you know, you can only really come from that clean leadership, advanced leadership, um perspective or or stance if you are doing the work yourself. So I don't think that there's a shortcut to just trying to evoke awareness in a beautiful, masterful, skillful way with your team when you are not practicing that with yourself, either by way of having somebody like a coach, or doing your own development in other ways, or even having a therapist ongoing.
Speaker 1:You know, whatever your methodology might be, um, but you can't really, I don't think, practice this unless you have your own self-awareness so hopefully that has evoked some awareness in our business uh today and but no, seriously, hopefully that's been useful and for the leaders that are listening to this, there's something you can take away from that so that when you want to use, go into that coaching mode, coaching mindset with your people, peers, customers, whoever you're working with, you know there's some thoughts there that you might be able to pick up and use, or you might delve a bit deeper into some of those ideas as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. I would definitely invite everybody listening to just reflect after this. You know how is your leadership style in this. You know how are you currently evoking awareness. You know where are you maybe closing that door too fast. You know, just kind of being aware haha, right, totally not intended Um just being aware of how you are actually being leader in this area of competence.
Speaker 1:So let's wrap it up there, shall we? Thank you everyone for listening. Thanks, joanna, again for your amazing insight as usual and, yeah, amazing insight as usual, and please leave us comments. Like us, if you like it, subscribe. We'd be really fascinated to hear what you thought about this, what your experience is and any other ideas you might have for topics you'd like us to cover on this podcast.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. We always love to hear from you, thank you. It's very gratifying to know people are enjoying the content and are finding it useful and applying it in their real life. So definitely reach out, comment and subscribe, and we are going to hear us again next time yeah, all the best, take care bye.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening to coaching skills for leaders podcast with Jana and Neil. If you found the conversation useful, please share with your colleagues and friends. Please also leave us a rating and a review and if you would like to connect with us directly to discuss your own or your business needs, you will find our contact details in the show notes below.
