00:00:21
Good day, everyone. I'd like to welcome you to is your way in your way podcast. And I'm your host, Cassandra Crawley Mayo. And for those new listeners, let me share with you what this podcast is all about. It's about those individuals who are ready to move forward in their lives, also want to overcome obstacles, anything, or either those self imposed barriers that's preventing you from living your best life.
00:00:51
I mean, really your best life. For many of you, you know, I'm an advocate for individuals to live their best life. And that's why I decided to have this podcast titled is your way in your way. And we talk about topics related to personal and business development and self improvement. And our topic today is it's never too late and you are never too busy.
00:01:17
Now, that in itself is a limiting belief. You know how we think it's too late for me to do this, I'm too busy to do that. Well, who better to talk about? That is my guest, and her name is Stephanie Jordan, and I'd like to introduce you to her. Good day, Stephanie, how are you?
00:01:37
Hi. I'm doing so, so glad and thankful to be able to be here with you today. I am so glad you're here. I just love that topic. And for my audience, Stephanie decided that that would be a great topic for this podcast today.
00:01:53
And I just simply love it. Now, before we get started, I'd like to just give you a little background on Stephanie so you get to know her a little better. Stephanie Jordan is an author, a teacher and a speaker. She has been a cosmetologist for 24 years. She has five amazing kids.
00:02:16
She has two dogs and two cats. She has broad life experiences and likes adventure. She loves Jesus and intends to spend her life sharing his message in an unconventional way. Her artistic and rock and roll style influenced her outlook on life and living it to the fullest. She is passionate about riding her Cassandra Crawley Mayo sportster, 48, and reading, writing and painting.
00:02:46
Again, Stephanie, welcome to the podcast. Thank you. I'm so glad to be. I have. Let me ask you this.
00:02:55
Could you tell us a little bit about your backstory? Oh, there's that cat. Yeah, there's one of my kitties.
00:03:04
He is not wanting me to put him down. I know he's a little touched. He is. It's so cold here today. So he's like, give me all the warmth to wear my, um, a little bit about my background.
00:03:19
So I was born and raised here in Birmingham, Alabama, and I come from a christian background, but I was very selfish and thought I knew better, right? Like, I was good with God. I always knew that God and Jesus were very real and I was good with them and all, but I just figured I had it figured out, right? Right. And so I came into adulthood a complete and total disaster with heavy codependency, and I didn't know what I was doing at all.
00:04:02
And so I would say that I have attended the school of hard knocks and stubborn heads for the majority of my adult life. Yeah.
00:04:15
Okay. All right. Well, let me ask you this. In your bio, you said how much that you really love Jesus. And what I wanted to know, was there a pivotal moment when you fell madly in love with Jesus?
00:04:30
And if so, what was that moment? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. So I got my call to ministry in a dream when I was 19 years old. And I told God, I was like, you have the wrong person.
00:04:43
I am not living for you. I do not know your word. Like, you got the wrong person. I just didn't know how convincing he could be. And I married an alcoholic when I was 21 years old, about a month before my 22nd birthday.
00:05:06
And this is 1999, and I started going back to church. I guess it was probably close to the beginning. 2001. There was that, which in 2001, the Internet was just becoming to be a popular thing, and they met at noon, which worked out for my very non morning person self. Okay.
00:05:44
And it was rock and roll music, and it was just totally different than anything that I hadn't had previously. And that July, I found out I was pregnant with my oldest son. And about two weeks after I found out I was pregnant, my husband at the time beat me up. And I prayed that night, I said, God, if you'll get me and my baby out of here alive, then I will never go back. Okay.
00:06:18
And so the next day, I left, and I tried to work the marriage out for two years. And during that time was when I just fell madly in love with God. I always say that he drugged me through the mud I got myself in, but he kept me from drowning in it. Okay. And so I go into this church, the Sundaynoon.com.
00:06:49
I would just cry and cry and cry. I had so much mess to run out of my heart, and God just met me there in such a beautiful way. And that was when I really passionately fell in love with the Lord and really gave my life to God. Wow, that's a story. And it's usually stories like that that God uses to get you closer.
00:07:16
Of course we have a choice. But it sounded like you were just kind of sick and tired of being sick and tired. Now, when you said he called you to the ministry, is there a particular ministry that you're in that he called you to? Well, it's interesting because I'm still in that process, actually. I had a salon storefront for many years.
00:07:44
When I opened it, he told me I'd have the salon for seven years, and he meant seven years and all of 2019. I had dreams of my salon closing down with my or going dark with my stuff in it, which I didn't realize was the shutdown. Right. Wow.
00:08:08
He called me. It was about one week into the shutdown. He said, you're done. And I was like, I am not done. I just got a new logo.
00:08:17
I am not done. And about a week later, he said, you're done. You need to close down and start writing. And I was like, I am so done. And so I called my landlord and I told him.
00:08:31
He said, I'll give you the next year for free. Wow. He said, whatever you need. You just tell me what you need. And I was like, no, I'm done.
00:08:43
So I walked away from a year of free rent, from a business that was thriving and started writing. So that is where God is taking me and that I am trying to hone in my focus and write. Oh, wow. Wasn't that very tempting? He'll see us out of temptation, won't he?
00:09:07
As soon as you believe that that's what he was calling you out of, then here comes somebody and says, I'm going to give you this place for free. Good for you. Now, because this podcast is about is your way, in your way. Do you think if you had not, you would have been in your way and you would not have had the success that you had as being an author, teacher and speaker? Girl, I've been in my way for so much of my life that absolutely I would have prevented so much of what my future is meant to be.
00:09:46
It doesn't mean that I might not have had good. I just had great, right? That's good to great. Yeah. I asked that question because many of my listeners, there's something that they've been wanting to do that's like a fire in their belly, but yet they're not doing it.
00:10:05
It's kind of like these self limiting beliefs that they just can't make the move. So I'd like to know about that transition. Tell us what the shift was like when you shifted from cosmetologist to your author, teacher and speaker. Oh, man. It's very difficult.
00:10:26
If there's anything I can say, to encourage you that you talk about that fire in the belly sort of idea is you just have to conquer it. So in 2019, my business grew exponentially. In December of 2019, I had eleven employees. So my salon, we were building and growing and growing and growing. And I actually had one staff member in particular that was kind of poking holes in the boat.
00:11:06
Yeah. And I wanted to let her go multiple times, and the Lord kept telling me not to. And so when I came into 2020, I went from a staff of eleven to, like, a staff of four or five within two to three months. And I'm like, what is happening here? And so I basically thought that this stylist was there to destroy me.
00:11:37
Right. And what I realized now is that God was clearing the path for me because he knows my personality and my loyalty and how hard it would have been for me to close the doors on Silas that had been with me for years and years and years and years. Yeah. And so he used what looked like it was sent to destroy me as a way to open the door for me. Things are falling apart for you.
00:12:09
It may be that God is clearing the way. That's good. Yeah.
00:12:19
I was just moving a million miles an hour. Like I said, I had a large staff, which means we had lots of clients. I went from a 1750 square foot space to literally one little tiny station. I had issue after issue after issue that it took me a long time to slow the role of my life, and I didn't fully listen to God, because if I had fully listened, I would have not ever gone back behind the chair and just trusted that he had all that worked out. But all I could see was a mortgage and five kids and my only income.
00:13:07
Right. Yeah, absolutely. And I think he's graciously met me in the place of slowing my life down, because if you've ever been in a boat or even a car, you can't turn going fast, right? Right. The danger.
00:13:25
If you turn in a car going too fast, you're going to flip. If you turn in a boat, same thing. You're going to capsize. You need a lot of space on the water. And so I feel like God has given me such a beautiful grace period of slowing my life down, and I am having to be obedient in that slowing down.
00:13:48
And so if you are running a million miles an hour in one direction and things are falling apart and you've got that fire and God has called you to something, you got to slow it down. Cassandra needs to start emptying out. Friends need to start bailing and it's scary, right? Because you're like, wait, I've got a good life here, and it's going to feel like you've lost all of that. But what happens is you can't plant a seed in open air, right?
00:14:22
That seed has to go underground, and then it rises. And so that's been my experience, is I had to allow God to replant me in the hidden place and slow my life down and slow everything that I was doing down. Empty out my Cassandra, quit focusing on what he hadn't called me to, and really hone in on what he has called me to. Okay. All right.
00:14:56
You've also not only an author, a teacher, and a speaker. Plus, I want to talk about the couple you had wrote three books. One is the death tsunami, widowhood, dose of reality and believing in boundaries. What went on with the death tsunami? What is that about?
00:15:21
So, the death tsunami is my unexpected journey into widowhood. My second husband passed away unexpectedly, and what God taught me all about life and death.
00:15:40
And that's what the death tsunami was. Yes. And wrote one on widowhood. Yes. It's about my widowhood journey.
00:15:50
Okay. So I call it the death tsunami, because when death comes in, it wipes out everything in the spiritual realm, it wipes out everything you cannot see, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. All of it is annihilated. And so that's why I call it the death tsunami. Did that happen when you were in the salon or after you transitioned?
00:16:20
No, I still had my storefront. We opened in January of 2012, and then he passed away in December of 2014. Okay. All right. So how were you able to pivot from that?
00:16:41
Was the writing healing for you?
00:16:45
It's interesting, actually, I launched the death tsunami last October. His birthday was in October, so it was kind of my dedication to him. And we just crested the 9th year of him being gone. And when I launched that book, it threw me into a deep depression, unexpectedly deep grief. Yeah.
00:17:10
And it took me about a week to crawl out of the depression. Wow. And then it took me about a month to restabilize after launching that book.
00:17:27
My very first sentence in the book is, I was not ready to write this book.
00:17:33
That was the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life. Right. Losing my husband. We had five children. I had a 13 year old, a nine year old, a seven year old, a two year old, and an eight month old.
00:17:45
Wow. And I could give you no less than 1 million reasons why him dying was not okay. But I had to go on a journey with God. And it took me years. This was not overnight.
00:18:04
This was not a fast journey, but I had to go on a journey with God. And that's a lot. What the book is about is what God just revealed to me and taught me over the years with widowhood and death and life and my journey. Okay? Now, the title of this podcast is never too late, and you are never too busy.
00:18:31
Why did that title resonate with you?
00:18:37
Because if anybody could make excuses in life, it would be me, right? Nobody would have questioned me falling apart. Right? My husband's dead. I have five children, I'm running a company and homeschooling.
00:18:56
Wow, you were busy. I was busy. I was busy, right? And it wasn't just about surviving. I haven't just survived it.
00:19:09
I have thrived through it. I have learned impeccable lessons. There's been so much beauty in the ashes. There's been so many beautiful moments in this devastating journey. And if anybody could have said, I'm too busy, I don't have time, God basically put everything against me.
00:19:41
I could have done that. And instead, what I did was just be faithful and obedient, and I worked out my journey with God, and he did all the rest. Okay. Because there were many days after my husband passed away that it was pep talk through your life, like, hey, Stephanie, you got to get out of bed. Hey, Stephanie, you got to take a shower, okay?
00:20:12
Hey, Stephanie, like, you need to eat some. Um. After he died, for the first month after he passed away, I wore the exact same pants every single day. Nobody cares. Nobody noticed.
00:20:27
Right? I couldn't make any more decisions. The last thing I wanted to think about was what I had to put on my body, right?
00:20:40
We make the excuses, we're too busy. And I think what it is, is we're just worried about so many. We're worried about everybody else's judgment, right? We're worried about what everybody else thinks about our life.
00:20:57
And busyness is a distraction. Busyness is our way of feeling like we're maintaining control, right? So when we start saying, you know what? I don't have control. I can't control everything.
00:21:13
I had to learn to trust God with my kids. I couldn't be there. Twenty four seven. I went from two people to one, and I just had to learn that God would fill in the cracks, that I just had to be obedient to the Lord, and he will work out all of the other stuff. Okay, so it sounds like God was the answer for everything.
00:21:38
Your life. I mean, you said that you love the Lord, and you will continue to expose him as he's given you, granted you grace and mercy throughout your life. And you also said that you like to cheer and lead others to the best version of themselves. And I like to know, how do you determine a person's best version of themselves?
00:22:08
Well, I guess I would say I don't. I try and encourage them to get to know God and what he's leading them to.
00:22:23
Like, what we were talking about just a second ago, the busyness that tends to come with our culture. I really encourage. I was actually just talking to a girlfriend not too long ago, and we were talking about how busyness is a form of control. Right. If we feel like we can control our lives because we've mapped out our Cassandra and we know exactly what's going on, we don't leave a whole lot of room for God to say, hey, wait, that's not what I want for you.
00:22:54
Right. And so I would say the best version of yourself is to only walk in the steps that you know the Lord is putting on your heart. So if you have a natural gift of hospitality and you haven't had anybody in your home for two years because it's too messy. Okay, well, then either you need to start cleaning it up until you're ready, or you need to just quit looking at the mess and quit caring about what other people may think about it and open your home. Like, remove the judgment cloak off of yourself and just be like, hey, come over.
00:23:32
My house is a mess, but you're welcome here, and I'd like you to be here. Right? So many people desperate for connection, right? They don't care if you got dishes in your sink, bring them over. So encouraging somebody like that, that may be fearful of judgment, just encouraging them to overlook that sort of stuff, if they're unhealthy physically, encouraging them to learn how to get healthy for themselves, what works for me may not work for them.
00:24:11
Right. So just, hey, have you tried this? Or, hey, maybe this would be a good thing for you to look into.
00:24:21
And it's usually a pain point that people will bring in my direction. Right. It can be about marriage, health, and I will just encourage them to really dig in with the Lord and get to know him in that space. Because most of the time, our pain points come from us wanting to control and lack of trust. It hurts.
00:24:48
Right. From our pain. Yeah. And you talk about getting to know God. Tell my listeners, how do you get to know God?
00:24:57
And I asked that because you grew up. Your backstory was, you grew up in a home where everyone believed in the Lord. So you had that a part of your dna, and then life happens, which was your pivot for you to really fall in love with them, because it was kind of like you're drowning or you fell and you can't get up, and it was God that helped you get up. So when you say get to know him, how do you get to know him that you can share with my listeners? So interesting that you bring that up with my background, because that is true.
00:25:33
I grew up in a christian home, and my second husband, that God called me into marrying, he was the antithesis. We knew each other as teens, and he actually hated me because I was a Christian. He hated God, he hated Jesus. He hated everything about christianity. And if he could offend you, he would.
00:25:56
So I'm going to touch on both of those points, what you said for me personally and kind of how I lead people, and then a little bit about his story. Is that okay? Sure. Okay, I'll start with his story. So he actually was dating a girl, and there were some evangelist prophets that had come down, and they were hanging out and drinking and partying in an area of town.
00:26:25
And she got in this church van with these church people, and he was actually throwing beer bottles at this church van, just so mad that she had. Just left with these people. Yeah. And so he goes chasing her back up to Huntsville, Alabama. And basically he ran into love there.
00:26:50
These people accepted him and loved him. Right. Where he was, he was a disaster. I mean, he was using drugs and drinking. And I told you he hated Christianity.
00:27:05
It's not like he went up there with open arms and an open heart. Right, right. And they just loved him and they set standards. And for the first time in his life, he saw what having standards meant. They weren't compromising for him.
00:27:26
They weren't justifying his actions and behaviors. They were like, no, this is absolutely unacceptable. Okay. But they didn't quit loving him. Okay?
00:27:39
And it just summoned his heart. So if you're dealing with a non believer, just love them where they are. That doesn't mean justifying their behaviors and saying what they're doing is fine, but just continue to love them and invite them to the table over and over and over again. And so then, for me personally, when I help people that I know that are believers or christians already get to know God, I say that reading your Bible is like, grill out time with God. Right?
00:28:16
Like, how do you get to know people a lot with them? Right. You have a barbecue at the house. Okay. And hang out.
00:28:26
And so that's what you do in the Bible. As you're reading the Bible, it's hanging out with God. Okay. Then prayer is like, your intimate time. That is kind of like when you're really intimate with your spouse, is what prayer is with God.
00:28:42
There's this interaction between the two of you. Okay. And so at first, if you've never prayed before, you don't even know where to begin. Start with proverbs. Proverbs has 30 chapters.
00:29:01
You can read one proverb a day. Pick one scripture out of that proverb and say, God, I need you to show this to me. I read it, and I'm understanding it, and I need you to show me what you mean. Okay. And then that's the way you open that conversation.
00:29:20
Right. And it may not be an immediate response, but you might catch that you're standing in line at the grocery store, and you're like, oh, I get it. Or you're driving down the road and you've been cussing everybody out, and then all of a sudden, that scripture pops into your head, and you're like, I get it. Okay. And so that's how you start to just get to know God is really.
00:29:45
By just getting into his word and then just start talking to him. He already knows what's on your head. If you cut at him, he's fine. He can handle all that. If you're mad at him, he can handle all that.
00:29:56
He's very big, right? Yeah. And the love kind of drew your second husband into having a relationship with the Lord. Sounds like. So let me ask you this.
00:30:17
Your first husband, you said, was an alcoholic, and your second one was on drugs, you indicated, yes, he was on. Drugs prior to us being married, and then he had a relapse about a year and a half after we got married. Okay. Yeah. You've heard the saying.
00:30:35
Do you believe? I've heard the saying, like, when I was dating different men and the relationship didn't work out, and I used to always hear people say, you attract who you are. And that used to make me angry, like, I'm not a bad girl. I attract the bad boys or I don't drink. But one of the things that I found out was I was emotionally unavailable, and so were they.
00:31:05
And it had something to do with codependency. And I bring that up because a lot of times, our relationships have a lot to do with us not moving forward with what we know we need to move forward. And it's kind of like they stun our growth. So my question to you, do you think you attract who you were? And if so, what lessons did you learn from those relationships that you were in?
00:31:34
Those are such good questions. Yes, I absolutely believe that you attract some of your own brokenness. Right. Like, you're kind of magnetized to your own brokenness. And though my brokenness wasn't substances, I have an excessive personality.
00:31:58
Like, for example, I won 52 goldfish when I was a little girl at a carnival. Yeah. Like, who needs 52 goldfish? One or two was not enough for me. No.
00:32:10
I was stashing them behind the school gym, and when my mom showed up to pick me up, wow. I had 52 goldfish and stuffed animals. I had a ton of stuffed animals. And it was like, this has just been a realization in the last few years that I've come to understand about myself. But I can look back even at my childhood and see how that has played out in my entire life.
00:32:43
Excessive and then definitely codependent, which I did not realize. I didn't even know what that was until I was in my marriage with my second husband, and he was doing his relapse. And that's really when I learned a lot about me. Okay. And my biggest addiction is anger.
00:33:06
And when God revealed that to me, my late husband and I had gotten into a really big argument, and I drove away and I wanted to call him and just tell him everything I thought about him and spew all this venom all over him. And the Holy Spirit kept saying, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. And I did it. I called him and I said all of this stuff. And as soon as I hung up the phone, the Holy Spirit said, and that's how he feels about drugs.
00:33:48
And I was like, whoa. And it was my first understanding of that propelling force behind addiction. Right? Okay.
00:34:06
Yes. I definitely think that I attracted broken with my brokenness. Now, my second husband was a little bit of a different story because God called me into that marriage. Okay. But the first one, God told me not to marry, and I did it anyway.
00:34:25
And that's one way you were in your way. You were in your own way. You went on and did it knowing that you should not have. That's exactly right, because I thought I knew better. Right?
00:34:34
Sure. Yeah. I absolutely have attracted mess to match my own mess that I just couldn't see. People can actively see things like drug addiction or alcoholism and look at it and be like, oh, they're a mess. Right.
00:34:55
With my messes, you couldn't see, my messes. They were not obvious messes because they weren't obviously hurting my life. Right.
00:35:07
They were obvious to you. Right. But like you said, making bad choices with those things did create chaos in my life. Okay.
00:35:21
Knowing that you have a heart to inspire, challenge, and encourage an audience to live life to their fullest, I like for you to do that for my listeners. As we wrap up our podcast, would you offer some words of encouragement to them? Now, remember, these are individuals who are ready to move forward in their lives, have a lot of limiting beliefs, self imposed barriers, and all of that. And so did you, and so did I, and so did people that are not listening. Anything that you could share, offer some words of encouragement for them, because look at you.
00:36:01
You've transitioned from a hair salon to an author, speaker, teacher. You have five children. You survived the death of your last husband. You've married twice. You found the Lord, and you fell deeply in love with the Lord only because of the trouble that you were know.
00:36:26
And you speak all over the place. And you did write a book about boundaries. And my understanding was that you speak only in the south and southwest, perhaps because you live in Alabama, and that's a boundary that you set. So I know, Stephanie, that you can encourage and inspire the listeners, and hopefully many of them will decide, you know what? If she's been through that, I'm going to try it.
00:36:56
Yes. That's exactly the heart that I have, is just try it. There's no such thing as failure, except never trying. If you show up, you're winning. If you show up to the game, doing your best 100% every day, and that 100% may look different each day.
00:37:19
Right? You can't fake it until you make it right. You actually have to be engaged in each day, but it may look like you're starting with pep talks, like, hey, get out of bed. Hey, eat some healthy food for your body. Hey, take a shower and act like you care about yourself.
00:37:43
Right? Change your pants at least, right? Yes. Okay. That may be your starting point.
00:37:50
And then from there, move into the place where you feel your heart burning. You may have a fantastic job, you may be making a ton of money, but your heart isn't in it. And you don't have any relationships that are thriving. So you need to look and see where your passion is. What has God placed inside of you?
00:38:12
Are you hospitable? Are you a teacher? Are you able to share stories that people seem to understand and enjoy? What is it that you can feed? What makes us human and what makes us real and what we're designed for, which is connection.
00:38:34
And a challenge, I would love to say, is, you have to get over yourself. You have to get over yourself. You are your biggest hindrance. Yes. And as long as you think you can't do it, as long as you are afraid of yourself and everybody else, you are the one that will steal your life away from you.
00:38:59
Okay. You have to get over yourself and just start doing it one step at a time. Right. It's like, least take action, right? Yes.
00:39:11
So this is my last question. I probably said a second ago, that was my last question. When you were obedient, you left the cosmetology business, and you made the decision, by God, coaching you, moving you forward to be an author, teacher, and a speaker. What happened to let you know that you did the right thing?
00:39:41
I would say inspiration. Okay. I mean, once I started writing, I've already started my next book. I just launched one in October, and I've already started my next. It's just flowing out of me, and I feel just this draw to it, this pull to it.
00:40:07
Okay. The beautiful thing. When I started cosmetology school when I was 19 years old, it was the first time I ever felt the dense presence of the Lord. When I took my state board test, I always said it felt like he was hanging out on my shoulder, swinging a step. Yeah.
00:40:22
And when he shifted me out of that, my anointing went with it. So had I stayed trying to do what I was doing, because I saw that it was successful, but my anointing had left. Yes.
00:40:43
Every dollar, anything that I made would have been for not. It didn't matter. Okay. And so you have to go where the anointing is. And so, for me, now it's just coming out of me.
00:41:01
He's giving me all of this word and things to say, and it's mind blowing, really, because four years ago, I would have been like, yeah, I could probably get a book out in about two years. Right? Right. So he backs it up by showing up. Yes.
00:41:23
Wow. Great. Well, Stephanie, I'd like to thank you. And just remember on if it's never too late and you are never too busy not to use that self limiting belief, because listen to what Stephanie said. Hey, she did what the Lord told her to do, and she's enjoying it.
00:41:44
She has a peace that surpasses all of her understanding, and that's something that she's saying she wants you to have. And once you do do that and do what you ordained to do, you'll see a significant difference in your life. So, Stephanie, thank you so much. God bless my audience, my listeners. And listeners know every Wednesday at 01:00 p.m.
00:42:08
Eastern standard time is your way and your way is on. Thanks again, Stephanie, and God bless you. Thank you for having me. I enjoyed being here.
