00:00:20
Good day to all my listeners out there and I'd like to welcome you to is your way in your way podcast. And I'm your host, Cassandra Crawley Mayo. And for those new listeners out there, I just want to let you know what this podcast is all about. These are for individuals who are ready, I mean really ready, to overcome obstacles, mitigate those self limiting beliefs, those self imposed barriers, anything that is preventing you from living your best life. And that's why I call this is your way in your way.
00:00:54
And actually, for those who are not aware of it, the name of my book, my debut book is titled is your way in your way. And we talk about topics that are what I would call for personal and business development and self improvement. And today our topic is titled the inner Journey to outer success. And who better to talk about this, but our guest today, whose name is Crystal Harrell, and I'd like to introduce Crystal to the stage. Hi Crystal.
00:01:27
Hi Cassandra. Thank you so much for having me. A pleasure to have are. I tell you, you're one of a kind listeners. Can't wait to hear her story.
00:01:38
She has some type of story. My goodness gracious. And before I get started, I just wanted to read her bio so that you can understand a little bit about her before we take a deep dive into her background. Okay. Crystal Harrell is a bestselling author, a motivational speaker, an academic success coach, and PhD candidate at Yale University.
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After growing up in public housing apartments with nine siblings and losing a parent to a chronic disease, Crystal saw education as her ticket out of poverty. She has been awarded over $670,000 in scholarships throughout her academic journey, including the prestigious Gates Millennium scholarship, Crystal Story has graced the TEDx stage and her popular education blog benefits thousands. This is her first bestselling book. Cassandra Crawley Mayo inspires fellow non traditional students to harness the power of personal growth and self awareness to achieve their goals. Crystal's research emphasizes the interplay between psychology and spirituality, focusing on enhancing well being through spiritual consciousness.
00:03:03
And I reiterated her first best selling book because it sounds like she may have another book in the making, but we don't know. But we're going to find out. And again, our title for our podcast today is the inner journey to our outer success. So crystal, tell us about your backstory up until you graduated from high. Oh, up until I graduated.
00:03:29
Okay, I'll try to give you the brief story. Okay, well, I guess as you mentioned, I grew up with nine other siblings. So we were raised in southern Alabama and so we were raised in a very small town called Ozark. And Ozark is just one of those towns that you kind of pass through on your way to the know, going to Florida, it's near the Florida line, so you pass through it and I promise you if you blink you'll miss it. So it's like definitely one of those small towns.
00:03:58
We grew up across the street from a goat farm and so I grew up in that type of environment. And growing up, my parents were both ministers. And so growing up, I grew up in the church, I grew up in faith and I believe that that has a significant impact on who I am today and my character today. But we never had a lot. My parents did the best they could being parents from also low income backgrounds, but they sheltered us with love.
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And my parents made sure that we understood our value as human beings and as children of God. And so I never grew up in an environment where I felt like I was less than anyone or what I looked like was less than I always felt like I was who I was and that was enough. But when I was about eleven, when I was eleven, my dad died from cancer. He was battling leukemia for a few years and after he passed, everything changed for my family. As you can imagine, my personality changed, my mother, her personality changed.
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All of my siblings really dealt with the grief of losing my father in a very different way, which was interesting to see. But we all felt the pain, we all felt the hole that was left when he passed away. And so, like you mentioned, education was like my way of trying to figure out, okay, things feel really bad right now, but it doesn't always have to be this way. So what can I use, what do I have that I can use to get me to a different future? And before passed away, he used to teach me how to read and write because he was very smart.
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But he never went to college, he couldn't afford to get a college degree, but he was always learning, always reading. And he told me that education was something that no one could take away from you. That's a bb king quote. And I realized that after he passed away because I started to become very passionate about my education. When I saw that it was taking me into different places that I never realized before, if that makes any sense.
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So from that point on, after high school, I was just doing what I could to maximize my educational pursuit. Okay, well while you were growing up, did you have any dreams and aspirations? I understand you wanted to get an education and I applaud you for that, that you were able to do that and we'll talk about how that happened. But what were your dreams as you were growing up? I love this question so much.
00:06:22
I wanted to be an artist, like Norman Rockwell. He was my favorite artist. And when my dad would take us to the library, the public library in Ireland county, I always went straight to the art section and looked at his books to try to figure out how did he do it like the way that he did. He has so much life in his paintings, and I wanted to paint just like that. Oh, wow.
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How did you go about seeking higher education? I read that there was $600,000 of scholarships. That is unbelievable. I have listeners on the phone that have young children. Children.
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They may want to go back to school. Of those who've not been able to tell us, I don't know if it's a secret or not, but no one knows about it. Let's spread the news. Yes. I love that.
00:07:14
I feel like I'm an open book. I will talk about it until the cows come home, because I also agree with you. Sometimes I felt like this information was a secret because I didn't find out about scholarships until I was in high school and there was a senior. So I was a freshman and she was a senior, and she got the bill in Melinda Gates scholarship when I was in high school. So it was a 20 year scholarship that he did from 95 to 2015.
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And I just wanted to know, how does she get this money to go to school? Because she was in the same situation like me. She was low income, and she was able to go to school, and so I went to her. She laid it all out for me, told me I had to write nine essays, told me to focus on my academics, because the better GPA that I have, the more competitive of an applicant I would be. She told me to do community service.
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So she told me everything.
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Her name was Brianna, so she was a cheer captain. I was doing cheerleading when I was in high school. She was the captain, and I was able to see that she got the scholarship. Okay? She laid it all out.
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And so that's pretty much what I did. Not only did I apply for that scholarship when I was a senior, but I started looking for other free money because I was like, okay, if this is a scholarship, there has to be more like this out here. So my whole senior year, so from day one to senior year, up until basically until I couldn't apply anymore, I was applying for countless scholarships every day. I was in the public library, the same one my dad used to take me to. I was there because we didn't have Internet at home.
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Like, no wifi. What is that? And so I had to use my resources. And so I was applying for a lot, and I wasn't waiting for a scholarship to respond to me. As soon as I applied, I would apply for more.
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I couldn't wait because I knew that this was my dream. Okay, so you talked about you awarded that amount of money. Well, let me ask you this. Did you go to. Because in here you have a PhD candidate.
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Where did you go to undergrad? Auburn University, war Eagle. Okay, and what did you major in there? I majored in sociology, and I had a minor in military science. Wow, that's amazing.
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Well, and I say that's amazing because it appears that your life has pivoted. You wanted to be an artist, sociology, but it looked like you were really big with education because your parents and your dad instilled that into you. And so even with your scholarships, you were able to go to. You selected Albany to go to school. Is that Alabama?
00:10:03
That's right. Okay. I apologize for that. And then your next one was. You went to.
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It was. There was a lot kind of like that happened in between. So my undergrad, I did the four years to get my ba in sociology, and then while I was there, I ended up meeting a mentor who basically told me that I would do well if I applied for graduate schools. And at the time, I didn't know what graduate school was. I didn't know what the point.
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I knew that my professors had phds, but I didn't know how they did it. I don't know what I thought. I didn't know that that was a possibility for me, basically. And so he was like, well, he walked me through the process, and I ended up getting accepted into a program, being mentored by him. So my first master's program, graduate school program.
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And then while I was in that program, I kind of pivoted to public health because of an event that happened. And then that kind of led. I got a second master's in public health, and then that led me to my phd at Yale. Wow. So what are you getting your phd in?
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What's your phd for? It's public health, but the concentration is social and behavioral science. So once I graduate, I would like to work as a behavioral scientist. Okay, so you've not yet graduated. So tell me about this journey.
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Sounds like you've been on a huge journey in between the undergrad up until today. Yeah. So tell us about that. Oh, wow. So much.
00:11:33
I think the biggest changes that happened were definitely internal that's why I love the title of your show, the inner journey to outer success. Because I feel like before I was achieving all these things and trying to get all these accolades because I wanted to feel like I was worthy and I wanted to run away from a past that I felt was very, let's say, painful. And so I was always kind of running away from something and always very tunnel vision trying to reach my goals. But somewhere around between my first master's and my second master's degree, I had this. I guess people would describe it as almost a spiritual awakening, but it was just really a deep sense of profound insight that I wasn't my degree, I wasn't my accolades.
00:12:14
I was something much more. And it was during that time of just being deeply hurt and dealing with panic attacks, anxiety, things that no one ever knew about me because, one, I was too embarrassed to talk about it, and two, I didn't really know what was happening inside of me. I didn't know why I would have panic attacks and I would end up in a nurse's office or just, like, so many different things that were happening. And so at that lowest point in my life, I really saw kind of like a light, a glimmer, and I just ran forward with everything in me. And I realized that, yeah, I had to work on myself if I wanted to have a sense of happiness.
00:12:49
I think happiness and people wanting happiness, I feel like that subject can sometimes be overrated, but I think what people really want is they want peace. They want well being because happiness fluctuates. But peace and well being, that is the core of you. That is who you are. And so that whole journey kind of led me to a lot of the changes that I experience today.
00:13:09
Okay, so you started having these panic attacks, like when you were in grad school or prior to grad school. I was having them prior, so I had my first one after my dad passed away. I was in school and we were eating breakfast, and I was a very happy and kind of free. Like I said, we had a very good childhood, even though we didn't have the material means, so I didn't know what was happening. But it was a couple of months after my dad passed.
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We obviously had to go back to school because he passed in the summer of 2006. And so when I started the semester, things were very different. And I remember I was at breakfast and I looked at my food, we were having biscuits and gravy, and I remember looking at my food, and I just started crying and sobbing, and I couldn't breathe. Like, I was hyperventilating, really, like a scary experience. And because I couldn't breathe, I got even more scared.
00:14:01
And so that was making it worse. And so I had to get up and go to the nurse's office because I didn't know what was happening to me. And that happened probably, I would say every year, every couple of years, maybe. I feel like I have one at least once or twice a year up until 25. So a few years ago, I had my last one.
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And so, yeah, that was the period of them. Tell my listeners, how did you overcome that? Because many of them have anxiety, depression. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
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It's just like somebody that has an illness or a sickness, and there are people that struggle with that. And so we talked about a little bit about your spiritual journey and how that has made you playing an integral part into what you're doing today for your success. And to me, that's an inner journey that you were on. So if you don't mind, share a little bit. Like, what were some of the tools and resources you use in order to help you overcome that?
00:15:19
Oh, I love this question because you're right. Like, anxiety and those things do affect a lot of people, especially young adults. And it wasn't something that kind of happened overnight. Like I said, at 23, when I had kind of that spiritual awakening, I had realized what was making me ill on the inside. It was all the stress and trauma from my childhood that I wasn't resolving, that I kept pushing down.
00:15:42
It was every time I didn't speak my truth and every time I created a goal so that I can try to become someone that people would respect. And even though the goal probably had nothing to do with who I really was or what I really wanted, so I had realized all of that, 23. So from 23, like I said, up until 25, I was reading the books, spiritual growth books, personal development books. I was going to therapy. I still go to therapy.
00:16:06
So I was asking for help because there's a quote by Einstein, and he talked about how the mind that created the problem isn't going to be the same mind that gets you out of the problem. So I understood that at a deep level that I had to get help because where I was dealing with all the things that I was dealing with, I wasn't going to be able to fix it myself. I needed help. And so it was that process. It wasn't anything that happened overnight.
00:16:29
And then when I was 25, I traveled out of the country for the first time. And then through that process had this kind of deep insight through this experience that I had, just being outside of the country in a different environment and really resolving the past trauma of losing my father and just going deeper with that. And so that really helped clear a lot of the anxiety that was happened within me. Okay, do you think your journey, moving out of the country, you said you traveled, you didn't say you moved. And to me, that would create anxiety for a lot of people.
00:17:05
Like, oh, my gosh, I'm leaving my. Comfort zone in the beginning. Yeah. So tell our listeners how that experience has attributed to who you are today. It saved my life, quite literally, and I don't use those words lightly.
00:17:24
Like I mentioned, I was in a very dark place. I was not doing okay on the outside. I was just kind of, like, getting by. And so once I realized that I was going to move out of the country, I didn't leave, like I said, permanently because I was still in school. But it was during a time where everything was online.
00:17:43
And so I was like, okay, well, if I could live anywhere, then where am I going to? Eventually, I had this vision of living in a jungle. Like I said, I know it may sound strange to people, but that's just my truth. I saw myself living in this jungle. I saw the vision clear as day.
00:18:00
And so I started doing more research and then found out that there was a place called Bali, and it was in Indonesia, and I didn't know anything about it, but I found out that there were people living there, young adults who were traveling and working online called digital nomads, and they were connecting with people experiencing different cultures. They were living very cheap because it is very cheap in Southeast Asia to live. And where I was living in New Haven, I was struggling. There were days I couldn't even eat because I didn't have money to afford to eat and had to call my mom to ask for help with rent several times. So, like I said, things looked okay on the outside, but they were not okay.
00:18:38
And so, yeah, once I realized that I was going to move, I was very scared. I almost didn't do it because of the fear and the anxiety that I felt, because I thought, I don't know anyone, and I'm about to pack up my entire apartment, sell everything, put whatever I can in my car, and take it to a storage in Alabama, and then hope for the best. And it was probably the craziest thing I've ever done, but it's been the most rewarding because who I have become since then and the people that I've met. It has literally changed my life. It's been the most rewarding thing I've ever done.
00:19:10
So I would say if you do get the experience or the opportunity to study abroad or to travel, just do it, because it may seem scary, but until you take that leap of faith, you'll never know what's on the other side waiting for you. Wow, what a story. So where are you living now, Crystal? Right now my boyfriend and I live in Vietnam. Okay.
00:19:31
And so that's different than Bali, but still rewarding. Very rewarding. So, like Vietnam. So we were in Thailand for a bit and we were in Bali also. So we kind of rotate between these southeast asian countries because they're all very close and like I mentioned, very cheap but very beautiful, like the most beautiful places I've ever seen in my life.
00:19:54
And so we kind of rotate in between those. And he's working on his business. I finished my degree, which thankfully, I'm grateful that I passed my defense this semester. So, yeah, that's been something that I've been working on, like my edits from my committee so that I can graduate this may. But, yeah, there's just been a lot happening since traveling, but I feel more connected and aligned with my truth since doing so.
00:20:18
That's great and I'm so glad. It sounds like you've been working on your PhD for a while. Right? So how long have you been working on the PhD?
00:20:31
I started the PhD program in 2020 at Yale, but I started my graduate school training in 2017, so I was in a PhD program then, but like I said, I changed deals, so I had to essentially start over. So that's why it's been a long time. So in total, of all the schooling, it's been eleven years. Wow, that's amazing. What is it in you or who's inspired you?
00:21:02
Because I don't know too many people that was doing this maybe for eleven years because sometimes you may want to quit. And I'm not saying you didn't want to, but I mean, because of this number of years, it has to be something within your belly that makes you want to keep moving. I call it like a fire in your belly. Yes. That's what it feels like.
00:21:31
What is that that keeps you moving like that that keeps you going because you're determined, you're resilient. Make sure that you're going to get your PhD. I love this question so much. And I guess when I really think about it, it's just always been a calling. That's the only word I can put on it.
00:21:52
It's felt like this invisible intelligence has been guiding me along my path this entire time. And I know many people call it by different names, God, source, universe, intelligence, divine. But I felt that my entire life, and it even got stronger once my dad passed away. And I really believe that he didn't really leave me. And I realized that when I was going through my spiritual journey, that even though physically he's not on this earth, I've always felt him close to me.
00:22:21
And there's nothing lost in your dna, in your genetic code. So I know that his dna is also a part of me. So that's probably why, another reason why I felt connected to him even after his passing. But I just always felt like this was my calling, that I was determined and led to walk in this path, and it was laid out for me. And my mom told me that the things that I've went through and the difficulties that I experienced and made it out of, it's because God is using me to show others that there's a way out for them, too.
00:22:51
And so as long as I have breath in my body, I'm going to continue to tell my story and share with people how I overcame, because I know that there is something there within the human spirit that is unstoppable, something that is completely like, you can't describe it, the human spirit is so strong. Yeah, because that's why I wrote the book on is your way in your way. And I also have named the podcast is your way in your way. Because I know that. I know that there are individuals that are listening to this podcast, individuals who have read the book.
00:23:27
There's something that they know that they should be doing, and they get stuck. It's like you have the fear, and we all have fear. Then we procrastinate on things. Then that perfectionist that I want you to talk about, you overcame being, that's me. Like, I get nothing done because everything has to be just know.
00:23:52
And that's know one of the reasons why I had this podcast, to help people to overcome that. That's why I'm saying it's personal, it's self reflection. You know, overcome those things. Because if they see you, Crystal, Harold, as somebody that has been through the trauma that you've been through, you've overcome it, but it's still a work in know and you're being used to tell your story and for individuals to move forward. And I'm hopeful that my listeners that are listening to you today will not only share this podcast, but share it.
00:24:29
Listen to it over again. It's like, wow, if she can do this at such a young age. And I don't know how old you are, but I know you're a lot younger than I am.
00:24:42
Journey of yours is just so incredible. Now, your dad inspired you. Did anybody else inspiring you? There's been so many people along the way. I definitely don't believe in the whole concept of self made.
00:24:59
I love community, I love mentorship, and that's literally been my guiding force. And you mentioned something about a second book. That's actually what my second book that I'm working on is about. It's called butterflies everywhere. And the butterflies are a metaphor for all the hands of guidance that you receive throughout your journey, your hero's journey.
00:25:16
And there's been so much happening that I could never orchestrate on my own. Like I said, there's this invisible intelligence that has just been on my side since I decided that I was going to go for my dreams. I was going to go for a life that was rooted in peace and well being. So I think that definitely there's been people that have come out of the woodworks to help me. And there's also been people who have come out of the woodworks to try to stop me.
00:25:42
And each time, if I stay true to myself and I follow up my heart, those people just fall off. And they provide for me another opportunity to show my God given strength. So, yeah, there's a lot, but I just feel like as long as you're walking in your calling, you're going to receive the help that you need. So let me ask you, you said, you know your purpose, you know your calling. You're really sure?
00:26:06
Because that's what's pulling you. Yes. What is your calling? So it's funny because I recently came through a little spout where I couldn't feel my calling anymore. And it was a very scary thing because I thought my calling was to be an academic, was to go to school, get my phd, and then go on to do research forever.
00:26:30
And then recently as I defended my dissertation and I realized that, oh, okay, they're about to push me out of school. Like, there's no more degrees to get. It's time for me to enter into a new phase. And I started to feel very uncertain about my calling because I always thought, like I said, that it was school and I didn't realize that something else. Once you achieved the goal that you said, well, then you keep having these desires, these dreams.
00:26:57
You keep evolving, you keep changing, and because of the internal shifts that I had experienced, I couldn't see how that would equate to the external environment. So I don't know if that's clear, but I can definitely expand on it. But I was just basically in the dark for a couple of weeks, really. And I just recently came out of that literally a couple of days ago, because I met with someone while I was traveling, a vietnamese lady named Kim. And I went to her because I was having issues, like, having breakouts.
00:27:23
And that was something I never dealt with before, like, in my teens. But it just recently started just flaring out, and I knew it was because of the stress of graduating, and I was in her office, and I was starting to cry, and it was really embarrassing because I'm just like, oh, I thought I overcame this, really beating up myself, really, like you said, that perfectionist. Like, overcoming that perfectionism and trying to have everything perfect. And I was really hard on myself, I can admit that. And I basically told her what was happening with my skin, and she was just basically telling me.
00:27:55
I told her that I was in a place where I didn't feel like anyone understood me. And she told me that, you don't have to be understood. You only have to have a good heart and take care of yourself. And it was just like, the way she said it really convicted me, because I was, like, I was searching so hard to have someone understand my calling, and I didn't really fully understand what was happening. So after that, I had this kind of clarity that came with that realization.
00:28:21
And she told me that, basically, when your thinking is clear, then you can see your path. And so I really had to clear out a lot of the self doubt. But that's what happens when you change from one stage of life to the next, right? Stuff comes up. That's not a bad thing.
00:28:37
It's for you to address. It's for you to look at and welcome it and say, why are you here? And a lot of people try to push the pain that comes up, but it's like, no, if you push it down, it's only going to pop back up at a certain point, whether that's your anxiety. Right. So I'm like, okay, that was an opportunity for me to address what was happening.
00:28:54
And, yeah, now I feel like, okay, my calling is definitely to continue my research and to help young adults overcome the things that I dealt with through using evidence based strategies and through using my boys. So I call you the II person, the invisible AI out of the way, and you're the II. I think that's great.
00:29:19
Okay. You're a student getting ready to be done your dissertation. What's your dissertation on? What's that about? So, it's on the protective role of religiosity, spirituality, and spiritual consciousness for young adults.
00:29:34
So I basically look at the link between stress and psychological health. So we know that people who experience high levels of stress usually have higher states of anxiety and depression and worse, psychological well being. So I wanted to see, well, if there's something on that causal pathway that actually protects people who experience stress. Because there isn't a stressor in this world that 100% of people perceive as stressful. Right.
00:30:01
So there's no one thing that's like, oh, everyone feels distressed. No, people perceive the event to be stressful based on their lived experience. So I wanted to see if one's faith or one's consciousness or awareness can moderate that relationship. Right? Yes, it does.
00:30:18
Yeah. That's amazing. That's amazing. Wow.
00:30:26
Where do you see yourself in the next three to four years? Because what you initially said you wanted to raise awareness of our human potential, right? Yes. Okay. So, looking forward, what are your next steps?
00:30:42
Because this PhD program you're going to do well, you'll take a deep breath. When it's over, you may travel again, go somewhere, whatever. But what happens after that?
00:30:57
I don't know exactly what it looks like as far as my job. I know that I want to continue doing research, but I don't really know what capacity that will look like yet. But I know that I'm open to seeing how everything unfolds for me. I know for a fact that I have to start speaking up more. And that's why I started doing more podcast interviews, because I was just like, I have to get my story out there because it doesn't make any sense for me to hold on to this information once I graduate.
00:31:22
That's it. And what does it look like for me to have all this information and to have this experience and not share with anybody? Exactly. So that's why it's important for me to continue to use my voice to help raise the awareness of our human potential, because people need stories. People need to see proof that, okay, it can be done.
00:31:42
And like you said, if I can do it, and I'm not the smartest book or the smartest cookie at all, I just have a passion. And passion will unlock doors for you. But I wasn't. I had below average test scores when I was accepted into Yelp. But they saw my track record and they saw that I was committed to this research and to this mission.
00:32:03
Let me ask you, Crystal, why did you select Yale? Because you got $670,000 scholarships, right? Was it prestigious? Was it because of the why Yale? I love this question.
00:32:20
So I wasn't going to apply. That was, like, the last school on my list. It wasn't even on the list when I was applying for PhD programs. But thankfully, I had a mentor, I had someone. I had a butterfly who came out and who showed me that I could be in those places.
00:32:38
And basically, I was getting my NPH, and she was my academic advisor at the time. Her name is Dr. Magnus. And I basically went to her, and I was, like, stressing out because want to go. I want to continue this research, and I really want to do this, but I was like, the schools that I want to apply to, they're very kind of, like, they're super competitive.
00:33:01
And she looked at me, and she was like, so. And I was just like. I literally had to sit back in my chair when I was in her. Office, and I was just like, I. Don'T know what to say.
00:33:10
And I got quiet. She basically was like, so. She was like, you already have people trying to count you out. Don't count yourself out. And that's exactly what she said to me.
00:33:21
And I was just like, okay, well, obviously, if she thinks I can do it, and sometimes you need to borrow other people's belief in you before you can develop your own, and that's okay. Get it wherever it comes, however it comes, just grab onto it. And I used her belief in me, and I applied and ended up networking with a professor who's my current advisor now. And we were doing the same exact research. It wasn't on his website, but I found out about the research that he was doing by talking with him, by speaking with his peers.
00:33:50
So when I was working with students, helping them get into grad school programs, that was one of the things I encouraged them to do, was to reach out to faculty in the grad school program. So I've helped students get into schools like Columbia, North Carolina, a lot of really prestigious schools, because just using the steps that I went through and because they had a passion for it, so I didn't have to force them to apply. I didn't have to tell them, make sure you have your references. Make sure you're talking. This was something they were just doing because they wanted it, right.
00:34:22
And so that's really how I ended up at yo, because someone saw something in me that I couldn't see, in myself. And I held onto their belief and I took action. Okay, so those individuals that you supported, how did you know they needed support? Was it something on YouTube? Because I know you do.
00:34:40
A lot of did. How did they find you out? Most of them came from Instagram. So I've gotten people from, some students came from Africa, which was interesting to me because I didn't realize that my story had reached that far. Wow.
00:34:58
But they would find me and they would dm me on Instagram. Some of them would shoot me an email and they would say, hey, I want to apply for schools in the US. And I saw that you got into Yale or wherever I was at the time, and they all asked me the same question, how did you do it? And so all I had to do was just walk them through the steps. They took, what I told them to heart, and they applied it to their own path, and then it worked out for them.
00:35:22
Right. So that's one of the pros in social media, one of the true stories. Usually when I see social media, everyone's just great. Everybody's doing wonderful. Never really tell the story of the tough stuff or that they've been through, but I see with your life that, not that it was tough, but you sharing things that is knowledgeable, that you believe people want to hear.
00:35:51
And that's why they're gravitating to you. In addition to your spirituality, your faith, what you learned through your childhood, the lessons you learned from your mom, your dad. And as you indicated, your dad is still with you. He'll always be with you because he's in your heart, so he's always there. And it kind of sounds like he passed the baton over to you.
00:36:19
And. You'Re going to be a winner. And I just think that is so phenomenal. I love my dad so much. So just thinking about him, I love my dad so much.
00:36:31
Yeah. Now one more question for you. I could just talk to you for hours. No, I could talk to you, keep doing this. But I do want to know because I have this challenge, and mine is, and I've read somewhere about you.
00:36:48
I've been researching and studying you and everything. And when one wants to be perfect, perfection can just stop you just like that. And I'm like, well. And I noticed that you probably still have some, but not like you used to. How did you overcome that?
00:37:07
Help me overcome my perfectionist, please. It's kind of wisdom for me and my listeners because I'm not alone. I noticed today I was doing everything but what I should be doing, cleaning up, sweeping the floor, cleaning the room. I could have done that another day, but I'm like, oh, my gosh. So what are some ways that you got through that?
00:37:35
You get through that perfection? It's a doozy. It really is. I feel that in my spirit that is definitely one of those like, procrastination is one thing, but perfectionism is like. Yeah.
00:37:51
I wouldn't say I cured it, but like you said, I definitely gotten better with managing it. And something that helped me with it was when I was actually writing my book, Cassandra Crawley Mayo. And I remember I had a publication coach because I never written book before and I needed help figuring out how do I do this? Just like, people come to me for coaching with school, I was like, I'm going to go to a coach for writing a book. And my coach worked with me and she basically said that if you don't turn off your perfectionism switch, then you will never finish your book.
00:38:23
And my book was so important to me that I was like, okay, well, how do I do this? And she basically just told me to think of it as a switch. Like, she said, when you turn off the light switch, the lights are off. Like, the room is completely dark. But she said when you turn it back on, the light is illuminated.
00:38:36
So think about your perfectionism as a switch and you can turn it on or off. And she said, just mentally do that. So she said, when you're writing your book, like writing the first draft, turn off your perfectionism switch. Like, don't go near it, turn it off, don't touch it again. She said, just write from your heart.
00:38:51
And she said, once your book is in the editing phase, turn your perfectionism switch back on and then you work on making it better. So it was like, in that process, I learned that it has a place, right? Because I don't think anything is inherently good or bad. I think it's all about how you use certain things that you have. And so I think that it's good to be a perfectionist because that means that what you put out is going to be of quality.
00:39:15
And I can tell with your podcast that you care about what you put out because this is like grade a production. Like, this feels so professional. I was just like, oh, wow, I was getting nervous and I was like, oh, I'm sweating now. I know that you care about what you do, and that's a good thing, but there's a time and a place for everything. And so if you think of it as a switch, I think that might help a little bit.
00:39:36
So you're not completely getting rid of it. So your brain isn't like, no, I need my perfectionism to say, okay, I'm. Going to turn it off for a second. Thanks for that coaching. I appreciate that.
00:39:47
You're welcome. Yeah, I remember when I wrote my book and my cousin, millennial cousin, wanted to read it, and I was like, oh, my gosh. And I tell you, I'm just so glad she did because her perspective was different. I'm a baby boomer and she was a millennial. And I'm like, we need them like they need us.
00:40:08
So I really appreciate that coaching, and I'm noticing that you use your relationships wisely. And I don't mean use in the literal sense, but you just have signified how important it is to have relationships, to have mentors, to have coaches, to be open, to ask these questions, because I just think that's so important. And that's why I made the decision to be a mentor rather than a coach. You can interchange those, but I enjoy the mentoring process and enjoy doing that. So, as we wrap up, as I indicated this podcast, for those individuals who are in their way, you had many opportunities to be in your way.
00:41:09
If you were in your way and didn't let go, stop the perfectionist. Sometimes counseling, you wouldn't be where you are today, and you certainly wouldn't be in Vietnam. And you certainly. So just by you getting out of your way and just knowing know, God has something for me. There's a reason you got out of your way.
00:41:33
You felt it changed your life. Yeah. So any last words of wisdom that you could tell my listeners who are in their way and trying so hard to get out of their way? Oh, I love this so much. I'll share a quote from one of my favorite motivational speakers, Les Brown.
00:41:54
And he said that during one of his coaching calls, he said that you have no idea what you're capable of, and they don't either. And it was just the aspect of knowing that there's an aspect within you that you are completely unaware of. There's potential inside of you that you have no idea. Listen to some of the people that you admired, some of the people that are quote unquote successful, if you listen to them and you listen to interviews and they ask them, did you ever expect making this far? And they say, no, I never imagined this, because you can't.
00:42:27
You have no idea what you're capable of, and they don't either. So if anyone tries to tell you that your dreams are impossible or what you want is impossible. Just remember that. I hope that it helps. Yeah, I'm sure it will.
00:42:42
Wow. You and an amazing young lady. And I just want to thank you for your time. And I tell my listeners again, if you believe that this podcast will be a blessing to someone you know, please share it. And also remember, my listeners, that my podcasts are on every Wednesday at 01:00 p.m.
00:43:05
Eastern standard time. So right now, I never say bye. I say bye for now. God bless you. And crystal, thank you so much.
00:43:15
You are a blessing to the world. Thank you so much for having me. Thanks. Absolutely.
