Ever found yourself at a crossroads, feeling as if your professional life is merely a series of reactions to circumstances rather than a reflection of your true self? Metta Reberk, former corporate titan turned executive coach, joins us to share her transformative insights on self-inquiry and its profound impact on personal and professional evolution. After a career upheaval, Metta embarked on a quest that not only reshaped her own life but has since guided countless leaders towards peace and fulfillment. Her narrative is a compelling testament to the life-altering power of questioning deep-seated beliefs and the wisdom gained from her executive headhunting days, offering a beacon for those searching for authenticity in a world often driven by titles and possessions.
We unpack the emotional baggage that ties us down—be it the fear of aging out of the job market or the attachment to material identity—and discuss how these narratives can be rerouted to serve us better. Through personal stories, including my own struggle with loss and the pursuit of safeguarding my children's futures, Metta illustrates the liberating effects of altering our thought patterns. This episode is an intimate journey through the art of letting go, embracing Meta Rebirth, and ultimately discovering that the key to a fulfilling life lies within our capacity to challenge and change our most entrenched thoughts. Join us and unlock a perspective that may just be the tipping point you need to reinvent your life's narrative.
Get ready to break free from obstacles and live life on your terms!
Are you readdy to create and design your best life?
Ever found yourself at a crossroads, feeling as if your professional life is merely a series of reactions to circumstances rather than a reflection of your true self? Metta Reberk, former corporate titan turned executive coach, joins us to share her transformative insights on self-inquiry and its profound impact on personal and professional evolution. After a career upheaval, Metta embarked on a quest that not only reshaped her own life but has since guided countless leaders towards peace and fulfillment. Her narrative is a compelling testament to the life-altering power of questioning deep-seated beliefs and the wisdom gained from her executive headhunting days, offering a beacon for those searching for authenticity in a world often driven by titles and possessions.
We unpack the emotional baggage that ties us down—be it the fear of aging out of the job market or the attachment to material identity—and discuss how these narratives can be rerouted to serve us better. Through personal stories, including my own struggle with loss and the pursuit of safeguarding my children's futures, Metta illustrates the liberating effects of altering our thought patterns. This episode is an intimate journey through the art of letting go, embracing Meta Rebirth, and ultimately discovering that the key to a fulfilling life lies within our capacity to challenge and change our most entrenched thoughts. Join us and unlock a perspective that may just be the tipping point you need to reinvent your life's narrative.
Get ready to break free from obstacles and live life on your terms!
Are you readdy to create and design your best life?
Good day to all my listeners out I want. to welcome you back to Is your Way In your Way podcast, and my name as your host is Cassandra Crawley-Mayo. And for my new listeners out there, this podcast are about individuals who really are ready to do something different in their lives. They're feeling a little unsettled, a little stuck, and so what this podcast does is support individuals in moving forward and living a life of I'm sorry that's my dog hollering if you can hear him in the background just moving forward and living your best life . We your terms talk about topics related to business and personal development, and this will also enable you to have some self-reflection on this. So today, our topic is titled Questioning your Thoughts, and who better to talk about that with us today is Mette Reebirk, and I'm going to introduce her and bring her on stage. Good day, metta. How are you today? Fine, thank you. Hope you too. Yeah, I am, if I can get my fur baby to be quiet. For some reason it's just hollowing right now. But anyway, my guest, but anyway my guests, my listeners. I want to read a little bit of Mette's bio so that you can get to know what she has done, what she's all about before we get started asking questions.
Cassandra:
Mette Reebirk. She's an inspiring author and executive coach. She has dedicated over two decades to helping experienced leaders realize their true potential and free themselves from anxiety. She has a new book. The book is titled the Tipping Point Life force comes from questioning your thoughts. Reveals how we can set ourselves free by questioning what we believe to be true. So Metta has come to see that for all. The human life force emerges when inner peace reveals itself by questioning our thoughts about reality. Wow, that's interesting Realizing your true potential and I'm loving this title about questioning your thoughts. Man, I like to know, and my listeners usually like to know, before you became a coach what was your backstory?
Mette Reebirk:
What was your life like before you started this business? I was, you know, a corporate woman with a leader position, leadership positions, working the butt out of something and never home, always busy, three kids, a husband who always, you know, took care of the house and everything. And then I got fired, oh, and I commuted four hours every day. So at that point I was so tired of corporate life so I decided to start my own small company, not really knowing doing what, but I got a golden handshake. So I hired someone to make a homepage website. Homepage website, oh, um.
Mette Reebirk:
And then I was invited to china to uh, to build up something in china for a huge chinese company, and, um, and that was also very exciting, um, but you know, when you are starting up something and not really knowing what is everything, I'm going to earn money.
Mette Reebirk:
You also need to be a little creative. So when I was approached by a headhunter who asked me if I would consider being a headhunter, I said okay, three days a week. You know, cash flow cash flow is is very important. So you also need to be a little pragmatic. But then, after very few weeks, I think, I found out headhunting was a very boring job, but I got the opportunity to speak with a lot of very, very senior leaders who had been laid off and they were all looking for a new title. They all had a CV that looked alike and they had always been hired to fix a problem. And then I started to see how to enlarge their network so that they also could get to learn to know other kinds of industries and how to help them start to train how to ask questions instead of always, you know, having an answer to questions other have okay then how to help them, share their insight, their knowledge.
Mette Reebirk:
So my first book is World Life Crossroads. It's about actually how you can connect your dots in new ways, based on my experience with all those leaders. Because when I approached them I got to see that actually they had dreams, but they didn't really believe in them and they didn't really know how to make them come true. So I started to help them. I became the ghostwriter. I helped them get positions in startup companies, in advisory boards and in board memberships, and then I saw that the way they were thinking were very, you know, linear.
Cassandra:
Yeah, linear.
Mette Reebirk:
So yeah, so that was my first book. And so, yeah, so that was my first book. And then afterwards, a couple of years after, I started to think how come that very, very successful people who have built up companies and sold them and you know, had really achieved a lot they were so insecure had really achieved a lot. They were so insecure, maybe not up front, but when you started to get to know them they were very insecure about if they had actually been successful, regardless of whatever they had achieved and whether their fathers are proud of them. And then I also started to question to see what are you worrying about? How are you thinking? So this thinking thing, what is the thought, what is an emotion, and how are they related?
Mette Reebirk:
So I started a kind of research around that and I found out that you know, uh, people 2 000 years ago had always been interested in in how people, you know humans are thinking. So it was not me being the first on the planet doing this, um, and then I gathered a lot of research and thoughts about this and I got to see that, when I believe my thoughts, very often I had a problem with my stomach.
Mette Reebirk:
And I was fearful, yeah, but when I didn't believe them I was actually okay. So then I saw that thoughts generate feelings and feelings are what we are reacting upon. Right, we may believe that we are very rational, but the brain doesn't know anything, it's guessing, right? And then I got to see that when we start to see what we believe to be true, this emotion of anxiety kind of vanished anxiety kind of vanish.
Cassandra:
So, Medha, let me ask you statistics and perhaps you've done some research as well but they said that we have 60,000 thoughts a day, right, and out of 60,000, like 80% of those are negative. So how do you get people to reframe their thoughts, Like, like, what do you do with that? Because you talked about insecurity and this is with your executive leaders, so it's just a gamut of people have insecurities, and that's something that you learned and and realized. So how did you get people to I think you called it um reframe their thoughts?
Mette Reebirk:
actually, you know the human being. We are amazing because our mind and our body, it it's the most amazing app ever discovered, and every time we have a feeling, a stressful feeling, it's the body telling us that it's time to examine what you are thinking, because what you are thinking may not be true.
Cassandra:
Okay.
Mette Reebirk:
So when we start to become aware of our thinking and especially also the feeling we have, you know, the heart beating, the stomach problem, maybe the shoulders, we know. Okay, this is a sign to me about something I need to look into.
Cassandra:
Okay.
Mette Reebirk:
And every time I do that I see that the thought that generated this kind of emotion in me in this specific moment was just a story I told myself about reality. For instance, a lot of my customers they are executives being laid off, but when they approach me they have another story. The story is that, okay, we agreed with our board that it was time to move on and we were not. We didn't agree upon the strategy, so I said it was better I leave now, but then the next meeting they tell me no, I got fired. Okay, and then they got fired. They got a year salary or whatever, very often very nice, you know, severance package like yeah and then also, they already knew it somewhere.
Mette Reebirk:
They knew something is coming my way. Actually, they hadn't been very satisfied for a certain time.
Cassandra:
Right, Even with their caring job. Were they not satisfied?
Mette Reebirk:
No, no, no People who get laid off in that level. They have seen it coming for a certain while. They may have been blind for it, but somewhere in here they knew it.
Cassandra:
Wow, no surprise, no surprise. So laid off is the same as actually letting go, the same as fired. Yes, okay, all right, okay, now, what led your customers to come to you?
Mette Reebirk:
Okay Now, what led your customers to come to you? How do they know about Meta Rebirth? In the beginning, you know it was. You know me writing and marketing it. But now it's you know my customers talking with others in their network, and then they just come with others in their network and then they just come Also, because a lot of my customers they may be, you know, 60 or in the end of 50s, and then they're afraid that they are too old to get a new job. That's another thought you can have and if you you believe it, then that is you know your direction. I'm too old, right, but that's just a thought. That's just a thought.
Cassandra:
That's right.
Mette Reebirk:
Nothing more than a thought. And you know, when you reach a certain level and become very aware of what's going on, see that, just let go. It's a little like, um, you know, clouds on this, on the sky. They come and go, but above the sky, or the the clouds, there you have a blue sky yeah and it's like will you, you and I and your listeners behind all the black thoughts and the bad feelings, there is a certain calmness.
Cassandra:
Okay Now. So the calmness comes from what exactly?
Mette Reebirk:
It comes, actually, it comes before thoughts, okay, um, when, when there's no thought, there's just, you know, peacefulness, okay, that's the word that exists, and not me making up something here. Um, so, so, and, and then when you become present, you know very often when we are worried. We are worried about the future, okay, and we are sad about you know yesterday, so worrying about the future.
Cassandra:
That creates anxiety.
Mette Reebirk:
Yeah, because you know you are afraid of two things. Okay, you are afraid of losing what you have and not get what you want. Okay, that's the two only things that you are afraid of.
Cassandra:
Losing what you have and not get what you want. Okay, okay, so that is the only thing one can lose, you know?
Mette Reebirk:
you actually. Actually, the only thing that one can you can lose is a story is a story yeah okay for instance, your house.
Mette Reebirk:
You do not own your house, even though that you may own it, you manage it for a period of time until you let it go and then maybe move on. And you know, when you attach to something you are not really attached to the to the thing, but you are attached to the story about the thing, and it's the same. When, for instance this, when someone is, you know, being fired and he loses his title, then what he loses is the story, his story About himself.
Cassandra:
Okay.
Mette Reebirk:
But it's just a story.
Cassandra:
Right, so everybody has a story.
Mette Reebirk:
Yeah, and it changes all the time. But when you believe those stories to be true, to be you know, describing who you are, and you lose it Right, then you, of course, will feel very, very vulnerable.
Cassandra:
OK, when you lose something, you feel vulnerable. It's just like. It's kind of like you can kind of go through a grieving process, like when you lose a loved one. You can become vulnerable If you lose a job, if you lose a home, a relationship. Yeah, yeah, ok, all right.
Mette Reebirk:
But when you realize that you can, you know that you don't own anything actually.
Cassandra:
You don't own anything, no, so if somebody goes out there and purchases a car and pays for it in cash, they don't own that.
Mette Reebirk:
Yeah, yeah, they have a car they can drive in and you can say that they own it Right, but it doesn't define them. They have, you know, a vehicle that can get them from a to b, and that's that. But what happens afterwards is that they get attached to this car. It's red, it's my favorite color and it's a sports car. It makes me look good. And then they add a lot of levels on top of this. You know, iron thing with four wheels okay okay.
Mette Reebirk:
So, and if someone is you know you have someone is stealing your car yeah, and you are very much attached to this car, not only because it brings you from a to b, but also because it makes you feel a certain way then suddenly you have not only, you know, lost a car, but also a part of your identity.
Cassandra:
Mm-hmm.
Mette Reebirk:
And then it becomes very complicated.
Cassandra:
So in other words, am I correct? You know, for my listeners as well you're not defined by what you have. Is that what you're saying? You're not defined, so how would one define themselves?
Mette Reebirk:
You're not defined, so how would one define themselves? You know, if I ask you and the listeners now to close your eyes just for a short moment, yeah, closing your eyes.
Cassandra:
Okay, okay, your eyes okay, okay, super.
Mette Reebirk:
I'm sure that you heard someone in your mind saying this is weird. Another why I said ah, come on, be a little positive, huh, come along. And to be aware of those two having something going on, that needs to be a third one looking at those two having something going on. So the one you are is actually the one observing, one observing.
Cassandra:
Now say that again. What's serving the one?
Mette Reebirk:
the who you are. Is the one observing what's passing, you know, when you were five years old. There's nothing left from that time to today. There's nothing left from that time to today. Your cells have been, you know, recycled so many times. Your stories have changed. Everything has changed so many times, right changed. Is the one observing this whole kind of you know different? Theater plays that have run over the years.
Cassandra:
So we are the ones who are observing this amazing life experience, right? But when you said, like when you're five, but do you believe like a lot of things, a lot things that happen in your childhood has a lot to do with your adulthood. Your childhood has a lot to do with your adulthood, so you bring it forward, and bringing it forward can affect your emotions. Still, until you deal with things Like you can't kind of forget what happened in the past, because a lot of it your behavior can have a lot to do with your past. Do you agree with that?
Mette Reebirk:
Yes, but I also think that it doesn't need to be that way. You know, we have all different experiences, right, and some experiences can be very, very hurtful, very difficult, right, and they can have happened several times over time, mm-hmm, but a certain time they stopped, mm-hmm. And if we keep on bringing all those you know difficult things along and think about them for the rest of our life Right, it didn't only happen a few times, it keeps on happening.
Cassandra:
Yeah.
Mette Reebirk:
In here, making our life very, very tough.
Cassandra:
Mm-hmm Okay.
Mette Reebirk:
But it can be very, very difficult to let go of those kind of experiences, even though that you may want to.
Cassandra:
Right.
Mette Reebirk:
Because again, it's a little like a title you know An experience can be. You are the victim If I let go. It's a little like I accept something that shouldn't be accepted. So I don't say that it's easy, but it's doable.
Cassandra:
Okay.
Mette Reebirk:
But you need to become very aware of again your thinking about reality.
Cassandra:
Okay.
Mette Reebirk:
When I was almost 23 years old, my twin brother. He died, actually in the States, and I have now three kids and they are around his age when he passed. Yeah, and if I want to, I could make will happen that I'm not in control of all type. All problems will always be dealt with in the present moment.
Cassandra:
Okay.
Mette Reebirk:
I will not become a better mom, a better human, by worrying about whatever.
Cassandra:
Okay, so that's your mindset, so you have set yourself to, as you indicated. If I think that my child will pass away because my brother did at the same age, then that's not true. That's not reality. That's my reality, but I don't have to think that way. So your thing is getting people to change their thinking. That's why you're saying questioning your thoughts. So individuals that think about things that bring them those emotions that are unsettling, they should question what they're thinking so that they can get out of that mode of those not so good emotions.
Mette Reebirk:
Yeah, and in that moment everything becomes much kinder. You become a kinder person and you as a kinder person, when you meet your neighbor or meet your next, then you will meet those persons in a much better way.
Mette Reebirk:
You will be a much better listener, okay, you will be a much better leader. You will be a much better invader, much better parent, wife, husband. And also, because that's another thing, we don't meet the other one where the other one is. We meet the other one through the story we have about the other one. So actually we meet ourselves and when we do that and we don't get, you know, um, we don't get the response we wanted from the other one, then we take it personally, we become upset. But when we know that it was just because I actually met myself, because I actually met myself, then it's much better, much easier to accept the other person.
Mette Reebirk:
But again there we need to become aware of what is it that we are thinking about, the other one, that that actually also is a description about myself.
Cassandra:
Now elaborate on that. So you're saying if they don't meet your expectations, so to speak, how does that? How does you say, you meet yourself? Explain that again.
Mette Reebirk:
Yeah, you say you meet yourself. Explain that again, yeah, yeah. For instance, my kids at a certain time you know, teenagers they just leave stuff on the floor and it got on my nerves and I tried in many different ways, very creative ways, to let them understand that they need to pick up their clothes yeah because if not, it's, it's not very respectful okay and nothing happened.
Mette Reebirk:
and then when my I got to understand what's going on with our thinking, and especially my own thinking and the stories I made up that, okay, if they don't pick up their socks, that's is a sign that they're not respectful towards me. Okay, when I let go of that story and I started to pick up their stuff after a little because it was me who wanted it to be picked up Okay, if I want it to be picked up, I pick it up.
Mette Reebirk:
And then, when I started to pick it up slowly, they started to do it themselves. Oh, okay, it was not because they were not respectful. They didn't see it. It has nothing to do with being respectful or not, but that was my story. That was what I made. You know how I saw it at that time.
Cassandra:
That they were being respectful because they didn't pick their things up.
Mette Reebirk:
Yeah, and it's again. You know, in in a workplace, um, someone's always coming too late and we we need to wait for him all the time. Okay, respectful.
Cassandra:
Right.
Mette Reebirk:
And then if, if we stop there and and see that every time he comes in the door he has this look in his eyes, so maybe it would be a good idea to make him a warm coffee and ask him are there anything we can help you with? And then maybe he will tell you that his family, you know he has a kid who has got a diagnosis and his wife is maybe leaving him.
Cassandra:
Okay, and that's why he's late.
Mette Reebirk:
Yeah, once you ask him why he's late, yeah, but very often we don't reach that point because we're so busy making up stories about reality. Right, and that is how we see the world. We are 8 billion people here on this planet, and then there is also a billion realities, but we forget it. So when I think that my reality is just the same as your reality and I don't get the response I would presume would be suitable for my kind of reality, then on top of having my own story, I also have to deal with you not responding the way I thought you would. And then I can put that into my story too. And me against the whole world, okay, and then I can put that into my story too, and me against the whole world.
Cassandra:
Ok, so what would you tell my listeners? Because one of the things you said that you help people realize their full potential, and you know I have listeners that are ready to do something different. Within their heart of hearts, they know that perhaps they should get a different job, they should maybe let go of a relationship that's not working for them, or maybe they should start their business and all of these things that they're thinking that would be more fulfilling for them. They're believing, but yet they're stuck and they're not able to do it. So how would you help them realize their full potentials that will enable them to do something different, to move forward in their lives, so that they can start living their best life on their terms?
Mette Reebirk:
their terms. Actually, um, be honest, um, very often we think that the reason why things are not really, you know, going our way is something outside of ourself. Other, it's my spouse, it's my boss, it's my a lot of stuff outside of myself. But by the end of the day, they have nothing to do with whether you are feeling happy or if you are living your full potential. It's you. You have the response. You are the one with the full responsibility towards yourself Okay.
Mette Reebirk:
So whenever you try to, you know, tell yourself, ah, it's, that's actually a sign to yourself to stop up and say no, no, it's me. And you know, on the one hand, it's incredibly, incredibly lovely, because then there's only one you should ask, and that's yourself.
Mette Reebirk:
But, on the other hand, it's also a little tough because there's no one you can blame except yourself, and so so I, I would. My advice is actually to to be very, very honest and, and, and, and and. Write it down. Put it on paper, the thought that keeps you away from doing what you want to do, and every time you you tend to, and every time you tend to say that it's his fault, or you should write it down and turn it around and then what is it that you should?
Cassandra:
I should. So suppose they say I'm not doing this because I have fear, I'm afraid, or I don't think I'm good enough to do this or I don't think I have the skills to do that.
Mette Reebirk:
Suppose that's what they're thinking. Yeah, and all those thoughts. You know that will create very, very, you know, stressful feelings. That's a sign to you that what you are thinking and believing is just a story you tell yourself. It's like you know what is the name in English. You know a thermometer when you have fever, a temperature, a temperature, the temperature. So every time you have this anxiety, you feel not good, you know, afraid of not being good enough and strong enough and whatever enough. That's like you know your body telling you it's a fever, something is wrong and what is?
Mette Reebirk:
wrong is your thinking it's amazing and actually it's not. It's not very complicated. It is actually so simple that you may think that it cannot be true because it needs to be much more complicated, but it isn't okay okay, does it make sense?
Cassandra:
yeah, yeah, so. So what you're saying is it's all about your thinking. Yeah, I mean, you just question your thoughts, thoughts, and that's easy to say, but yet it can be difficult for so many people. But yet what you do right and as you indicated the name of your book is the Tipping Point.
Mette Reebirk:
Yeah, can I show it here? Yes, it looks like this Uh-huh, and it's on Amazon. Okay, yeah, and it's in English.
Cassandra:
Okay, yeah, that's right, because tell my listeners where you're from, where do you live?
Mette Reebirk:
I live in Copenhagen, the capital in Denmark. Denmark, yeah, yes, little Denmark. That's Copenhagen, the capital in Denmark. Denmark, yeah, yes, little Denmark. That's why.
Cassandra:
I should say it in English Right, right. Well, meta, this has been a great talk. What I've gotten out of this is you know it's all in your head, it's all about mindset. You know it's like questioning your thoughts. For example, I have a book called Is your Way, in your Way? It's a self-discovery guide for women who learn how to restore themselves, learn from their experience and be their true self again.
Cassandra:
And it took me years to write that book. It took me years because I didn't really know what to write. I was afraid, I didn't want to expose myself, I didn't want people to know much about me, I didn't think people would be interested and then, all of a sudden, one day, it kept gnawing at me and I went on and did it, even though I had those thoughts. So everything does start with a thought and like, like you know, I initially said 90,000, we have 60,000 thoughts a day and 80% of those are negative. So, in order to get through that, you just have to be more conscious of what you're thinking. And if you're not, and if you're not, if you are and you need help, how do you, what do you suggest people do when they need help with that? Contact a coach or yeah, um, it's not.
Mette Reebirk:
First of all, don't believe everything you're thinking, okay, and especially if you can feel that it doesn't do you any good, then for sure that you are telling yourself you know a story which is not true and and, and you know, linked with me on linkedin I'm a very, very open-minded person and I would love to share what I have to share. But, you know, be curious and reach out to me or to others, or to Cassandra. Sometimes, you know, when we say things loud, we hear it ourselves too. Okay, right, so, yeah, be open-minded and curious.
Cassandra:
Okay, so they can get your book on Amazon. They can find you on LinkedIn and any other place they could locate you.
Mette Reebirk:
LinkedIn will be. You know, that's my platform okay, okay, maddie.
Cassandra:
Well, I want to thank you for sharing and your, your wisdom and your insight. I'm sure my listeners will definitely think about what they're thinking when they get anxiety or when they tense up. They immediately thought think about okay, what am I thinking? Why am I feeling like this? Because you also said something about people being angry. There's a reason why they're angry. You had mentioned that somewhere. I read why do we get angry? Didn't you ask that?
Mette Reebirk:
No, but that's a very good question. Yeah, and we get angry because again we believe something which is not correct. Okay, and that we can maybe, you know, lose ourselves, and that is not possible. So again, a story, just a story, Just a story. Okay.
Cassandra:
Well, again, thank you to my listeners. If there's anything in this podcast that you believe there's value, please share it with individuals and realize that, again, questioning your thoughts is critical. Just question what you're thinking and that may minimize some of the anxiety that you have. So thank Metta again and my audience I'm on. This podcast shows every Wednesday at 1 pm, goes live and I thank you again. God bless and bye for now. Thanks again, maddie, I think you too.
