What to do when your kids are being dicks....

Explicit episode alert...Because today I give no F's...
I'm going to talk about what not many moms will....With gusto.
Enjoy :)

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 Thank you for coming back for another episode. I'm super happy you are here, and I am putting in this disclaimer because I am checking the explicit episode button.  on this particular day because I'm gonna be talking about, uh, venting some frustrations related to parenting and I am letting my mouth fly.

So if there are children in the car, pause the episode, come back later when you can have no little ears around and I hope you are enjoying a nice, delicious beverage. And have a wonderful day guys. 

  



 Hey, hey. Welcome to another episode of Her Like a Mother. Today's very special because I'm gonna talk about a topic that I feel like has been on the forefront of my life, of my mind for over three to four years, and today's morning, or I should say the events of this morning. Inspired me to just come on here and talk about it.

So that's what we're gonna do and that is this how to deal when your kids are just being Little Dicks

 Let me just give you some background of this morning so my kids get up very early. I normally get up early. We've trained each other essentially to get up early. It's not a big deal anymore because that's my life now, which is fine. I made my usual like tea drink that I enjoy. But , I still felt like I needed a little, some something.

So by the time everybody was up and awake, I wanted to treat myself to a little Starbucks and I had the great idea of. . I'm on a run down the street to Starbucks. I'm just gonna take one child with me because I don't know. For you moms have multiple children. It is completely different when you just have one child with you running errands in the car, sitting with you, having a conversation.

It's like night and day, like there's no bickering between the kids. There's less whining. It's just completely different. So I was like, okay, we're gonna go get coffee and , or take one child, it'd be great. And then her husband said, well, why don't we all go? And I instantly was like, no, . But I also just didn't wanna put up a fight.

So got everybody in the car finally and. . My kids don't really go to Starbucks with me very often, so they wanted to get, they usually get the, the cute little vanilla scones, which are not the best for you, but you know what they're, they eat them a few times a year, whatever, they're gonna have 'em. So my Mikey has been loving the blueberry scones, so he requested that.

And then my Christopher was like, oh, I want that instead of the little vanilla one. But Katie wanted stick with her vanilla one, so that's what I put in the mobile order. And I went and I, we drove to the Starbucks. I went in, got her stuff. I came out and everybody got their own little bags of scones. And I thought all would be well.

Well, I should know better because all is never well

Katie saw that her scone was a third of the size of her brother's blueberry ones, and she about had it. All of a sudden, her tune changed and she was going on and on about how she had ordered a blueberry scone, which this all seems trivial, but when you have a maniacal six year old screaming at you about a mother effing scone, it tends to grate on your nerves just a little bit and.

I essentially, when I experience that and , my partner is in the car and he tends to jump in and handle it pretty well, better than me, usually I go into blank out mode and I disassociate, which means I am just driving, staring at the road ahead of me ignoring everything that goes on in the car as a coping mechanism.

So that's what I.  and I got home and I was thinking about how to vent about this because this isn't just like something that just happened on a random Saturday. This was, this happens a lot and it just gets annoying, honestly, to be quite frank. And it makes motherhood, unbearable, unenjoyable. It makes me not wanna be around my children when they act like dicks all the time.

That's just a little bit of honesty coming from my mouth to yours, so you're welcome, but. . I have been working on this I feel like over the years, since they were about three to four. And by the way, how come nobody talks to you about how about about how horrible four year olds are? Like, everybody's like, oh, the terrible twos the, what do they call 'em?

Threes? The three teenagers. Oh, three teenagers. That's what it was. People talk about the terrible twos all the time. Nobody says a word about the three major period. And then I feel like I got a little bit better when there were four. But anyways, side note. Anyway, so I feel like I've been kind of working on my coping skills.

, it's been helpful with Katie going to therapy briefly, and here's kind of an underlying thing that I've learned. , and this is from her therapist actually can't take full credit, but a child that feels good will act good. And I try to keep that in mind when my kids are having a shit show meltdown, is that there's always an underlying something going on.

There's an underlying bad feeling that they can't come to terms with, they can't recognize, they don't know what to do with that emotion. . So I used to just fly off the handle and yell, get frustrated. I'd be angry. My adrenaline would be pulsing. I could feel the cortisol beaming out of my eyeballs. I would cry because I was just, I would just be at my wit's end and I wouldn't know how to handle.

But I think taking a pause, breathing amidst the chaos of the meltdown. Has kind of helped me get through them myself, but also allowing a little bit of time, let the tantrum pass and then address it like, Hey, you freaked out here. What's going on? And helping them walk through the feelings of actually what's going on in the background.

Like what are they not feeling good about? You know, with my son, there's something going on at school. So he purposefully left his shoes at home because he was avoiding the first 20 minutes of his classwork. So there's always some, some issue that is leading to their poor behavior, and I have to keep reminding myself that they're not just dicks to be dicks.

There's something going on and they're developmentally. , not at that point that they can work through it themselves. So that's when we as parents come in. Unfortunately, and this is the hard part of parenting, it is the tedious mind numbing work that is parenting. And I don't think anybody told me about that.

Like my mom didn't sit me down and be like, okay, you're thinking about having kids. Let's talk about.  because honestly, I don't even, I don't know. I don't know if I had some people tell me about this, about how difficult it is. I don't know if I would've done it. I'm gonna repeat that again. I don't know if I would've done it.

And I worked very hard to have these babies like Shank a bitch. Hard. I would've, I would've done a lot of things, but hindsight, my friends, I have said that in a previous podcast, and I'm still sticking by it, 

and sometimes they are just gonna have that , full moon rage athon, no rhyme or reason. Maybe they're hangry. . Maybe they need a Snickers. I've been there and they're gonna be irrational. And in those times, you just gotta pull an EL and let it go. Go into your disassociative mode, zone out, let 'em, let them play out that tantrum and move on.

That's something, that's something else sometimes I've had to do, but I think a major thing.

that I've figured out what I need personally. Cause everybody has their own different needs is I need to tap out. Like I'm out deuces. So last night was amazing because. Ethan was home and we ate dinner together, and then I hopped in my car and scooted down the road to Barnes and Nobles where I did some writing.

I had a glass of wine sitting next to me. Okay. Barnes, let me, let me break this down again. Barnes and Nobles, it's not just a bookstore. This particular location has a kitchen, which like a restaurant. They have a, like a Starbucks, uh, little cafe area that you can order wine and beer at.  as a health coach.

I'm not saying you need to get drunk on a Friday night at a Barnes and Noble, but you can have a glass of wine that's sure the fuck what I did, and it was glorious.  There was like a single rocking chair seat with like a little table next to it.

I put my wine down, got my laptop on my lap, got to work. It was glorious. I didn't have to deal with bedtime. I didn't have to deal. Tantrums about going to sleep. It was great. So I think now tonight with Ethan working, because I had that respite care, I had that time off, I had that mental break. I am able to cope tonight a little bit better because I had that low taken off of me yesterday and I know that I need that.

and some people aren't gonna need that much time off, but I know for me I need that. So think about what you need and don't be afraid to ask for it because you don't get what you don't ask for, and you can't expect those around you to read your mind. So think about what you've been wanting and maybe you haven't made it clear.

to the people around you, what you want. And that's hard to do, especially if as moms and especially if you work in the healthcare field, you like to take care of other people, but not necessarily yourself.

So in conclusion, children are dicks. Yeah, we all know this. Are there things you can do to cope with it?  and there are things you can do to get through. Pausing, breathing. I gave you full permission to dissociate for a minute. . Remember that there is an underlying feeling that a child that feels good will act good.

Call and reinforcements to get some respite care to get some time off. A mental break. You deserve it. No, it is not too much to ask. . Don't let anybody tell you that you should be able to quote, handle it. You can let them handle it. If you need a break, take it. Tell 'em Megan sent you . All right guys. I'm gonna keep it short and sweet.

Thank you for listening, and I love to hear that people are listening. So if you do listen in, I would love to hear it. Send me a message and if you have suggestions on what you wanna hear, I love that as well. . Stay tuned for more cuz I'm digging it. All right guys. Have a good one.