Rise up Thriving w/Kristina Hudson

-Warning: Domestic violence discussion-
I'm sharing a special episode from my guest spot on the Rise Up Thriving Podcast. I dig deep into recovering from my relationship where I experienced domestic violence, how you can listen better to your intuition, and how recognize shame as something that may hold you back from progress.

You deserve a life of brightness and joy. Please reach out if you need help.
Meg

Rise Up Thriving Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-rise-up-thriving-podcast/id1593282544

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Transcript

0:02

Welcome back to her second Mother. This is a very special episode. I was a guest on Christina Hudson's podcast called Rise Up, thriving, and I went into detail about. The relationship I was in in my early twenties where I experienced domestic violence and I really wanted to go into my story about why I stayed originally, how I got out, and really rising up from the hardship that was my life during that time, and it was a very difficult time for me. It was. The hardest thing I had ever experienced at that time in my life, and we really talked about how you can start to listen more to your intuition. We talked about mental health and how shame is involved, although it was a very hard conversation for me to have, I hope. It helps someone out there going through a hard time as well. And if I can just let every human being on the planet understand that if you are going through something difficult and challenging, it's not gonna be that way forever. And a few months may pass, a few years may pass, and you're gonna look back and realize how far you've come and that you are not always your story and you have the power to change your story. So on that, here is Christina Hudson's Rise Up, thriving podcast and joy. I think a lot of work came with recognizing the red flags and when you have that intuition or that voice inside or, or if you wanna call it God or whatever you wanna call it, telling you like, Nope, don't like that. Just listening to that more and being more in tune with it, like that's how you make better choices for you in the long run, is not ignoring those voices that are coming up. Welcome to the Rise Up Thriving podcast here. We believe that healing is our responsibility. We may not have been able to control what happened in our past, but we know it is up to us to define our future. I'm your host Christina. I went from being an occupational therapist specializing in military related brain injuries and post-traumatic stress disorder to helping women discover their resilience and confidence after trauma. I wanted to create this podcast as a safe space. For us to have the hard conversations and also share other women's stories because too often women suffer in silence. I want every woman to know that no matter what she is going through, she is not alone. Through this podcast, our vision is to create a community that not only heals together, but also rises together. If you can get behind that idea too, you're in the right place. Take my hand and let's do this together. Thank you for joining us for another episode of the Rise Up Thriving podcast Today. I'm really excited to chat with Megan Hansen and we are going to talk about the deep stuff, so I don't think that's anything abnormal. Um, but really getting into mental health and domestic violence and all of the things, so. Megan, thank you so much for taking the time to join me today, and I'll let you introduce yourself and kind of who you are today, and then we'll jump right in. Wonderful. Well, thank you so much for having me. It's my pleasure to be here and speak to all of your, uh, people who love you and support you. And yes, my name is Megan. I am a registered nurse. I'm an integrative nutrition health coach. I'm married. I have three seven year olds. I have triplets. That's part of my story as well, of overcoming motherhood, has its own challenges. And, um, yeah, so I, I had a relationship when I was, uh, 20 to 21 and had, uh, experiences with domestic violence and it's, it's interesting. I enjoy telling my story because. You know, I like to impart a little wisdom about my experiences, but also it's strange to come to terms with that person because I feel like that's, that person's not exactly me. Mm-hmm. And part of that is giving awareness that you might be in the thick of something right now, but it's not gonna be that way always. And you might look at it down the road and realize, wow, look how far I've come. So. Mm-hmm. That's kinda why I wanted to come on today to talk to you. Thank you. Yeah. That's such a profound realization and obviously time has passed and there's been a lot of work that has occurred since then with whatever level you're comfortable with. Do you wanna take us back to kind of what that looked like and then I would love to kind of lay out what that healing journey has been as well? Yeah, definitely. Thank you. My, my, my earliest memory, so I was thinking, so I was 20, I was in my undergrad program at, I went to Sacramento State University in California and I was in my undergrad work to get into nursing school. So I was in the thick of, You know, biology class and I would, you know, in between classes go study at the library. And I was very into my studies and just walking in the quad that day, there was, I heard like a whisper next to me, like a, and I looked over and there was this really tall, big guy and he had this like big grin on his face and I was kind of taken aback, like, who is this guy? And it was that moment that he started his relationship with me essentially. Kind of, he brought me into his world from that day, and there was something about his very charming nature and I think the stage of life where I was in very naive and trusting and really looking for love and admiration from someone. And he provided that from like the second that he said. And so that kind of, I, yeah, that. So that started our relationship really. He was someone unlike I had ever met before. He was about a year older than me at the time. He was around 21 and I'd learned he was a magazine salesman, which sounds very strange that there'd be a 21 year old magazine salesman at a college. But that was his job. He went from city to city. He rode around to different towns with his crew, and I'm sure that they were deceitful in some ways, but they would essentially convince college students to buy magazine subscriptions. And looking back, I'm like, did I even get a magazine subscription? I don't even know. But, um, he convinced me to go to the a t m at my college, pull up money to give to him. And it's somehow, it's, it's crazy looking back like, how could I be manipulated like that? But it was, it was just part of his charming character and his salesmanship and a lot of different variables went into how we started our relationship. Um, a few months. Fast forward down the road, uh, I was, um, I think I was dependent on him. On a social level, he gave me a lot of attention and I was providing him things that he needed as well financially. He ended up leaving his job and we moved in together. He moved up to where I was living. We moved in together. I was paying his rent, um, his sell bill. I would buy clothes for him and. All of this was based on the idea that he would do X, Y, and z. He would get a job, he would be able to support us. But that never happened. And I ended up, you know, with, with the, the dream that he would get a job, I ended up buying him a motorcycle, a. So there was a lot of financial manipulation, I think, and he ended up getting into a really bad motorcycle crash to where I was, his solo caretaker. He had no family, he had no health insurance. He broke his femur, had to have a a rod surgically placed into his leg. So I was this 20 year old nursing school student taking care of somebody, and I was draining all of my savings accounts. I was racking up credit card debt. He came from a very abusive background, so his mom was physically abusive to him, and so I think that he didn't know how to show love. He only knew how to give love the way that he was taught. So there was a lot of name calling. And one night it escalated to physical violence where we were both out drinking and we were out driving in. The truck that I bought him, because he wrecked his motorcycle of course, so I had to buy him another vehicle so he could go out and find a job that he never got. So we were out driving in the vehicle. I was very upset because he was driving recklessly and that was kind of my hard line of you're not gonna treat my property that way, and I'm done with you treating me this way. So we ended up getting home. Um, I'm not proud to say that I, I hit him, but it escalated into him, um, shoving me. You know, I thought he was gonna choke me, but it ended up stopping. Long story short, um, he was threatening to, to kill himself and I basically booked it out of there, but I ended up coming back home. I had nowhere else to run to at that point because I didn't feel like I had anyone to call. Cause I had severed a lot of connections, um, to my family and friends. So I ended up returning to where we were living and the next morning I just woke up feeling like this immense amount of just dread and regret and how could I still be here After all of that, I'm still waking up next to this person. And it ended up, um, I think it was the next weekend, my mom was actually getting remarried. And I still had the bruises on my arms from that night. Like they were still healing. They were still like that yellowy green healing color. And I was wearing, I remember I was wearing this sleeveless dress for her wedding and my boyfriend at the time helped put makeup on my bruises for me. Cause he was such a sweet, charming man, right? Like that's what you do. You help your partner cover up the bruises that you put on. And after the wedding, I, I could tell my family didn't wanna say anything to ruin the day for my mom, but I have two older brothers and I could tell that they were physically distancing themself because they didn't wanna murder anyone that night. So, but after the wedding, my sister-in-laws essentially came to me and they took me out for a girl's night out. And they essentially asked me if they said, what are you getting out of this relationship? And I didn't have an answer for them. And that was the first time that I didn't have a story to tell or an excuse to make up. And I think in that moment it just clicked like, what am I doing? And this is not okay anymore. So that night everybody piled and we had like a big rental van, uh, for all the family getting together for my mom's wedding. So we all piled into this van and drove to where I was living and everybody just started like packing things up, throwing stuff together. And he was there and I said, I'm sorry, but this is done. And I was really worried that he was gonna blow up. But I think because I had so many people with me, That there was no way that that could happen. So after that, I was so lucky to move back to my mom's house and I felt like I had nothing. Like, that's what was crazy is I had, I had a roof over my head. I had my mom, but because I was so, you know, I say, I say immature, immature, naive. I was 21 then I felt like I had nothing, like everything was wiped out. I was, I didn't realize I still had like my education underneath me and I did have some support, but at the time I felt like my world was completely crumbling around me. And I remember saying like, I have nothing. Um, but that's, that's honestly how I felt at the time. But I put one foot in front of the other and I continued to go to school. And I ended up, um, meeting my current husband and finishing nursing school and I've been a nurse, uh, for 10 years now. And I, uh, had my triplets after having some experiences with infertility, and then I created my health coaching company. Because I wanted to help other women find themselves through nutrition and working out, and that's honestly, I think where I am today is really diving deep into myself to figure out myself as a person, beyond being a mom and a wife, um, and really taking advantage of how self-care can really help your resiliency and help you become like the best person you can be. Thank you so much for sharing all of that. I can visibly see how heavy. That is, and I feel the heaviness as you're sharing it too. It's, it's not anything light. And even though in the beginning you said, you know, you're not the same person, so much time has passed. You were fairly young when all of that happened, and yet it still has a profound effect on your life and who you are. Yeah. And I think that's, um, it's, it's hard to kind of go back to these hard moments, but it's also, it reminds you of not only where you don't wanna go back, but also the, the, the lessons that these experiences have have taught us. Mm-hmm. And kind of taking back your power so that you can always just keep moving forward. Yeah, absolutely. And, and I wanna acknowledge that too before we dive into the questions, is just that reminder for everybody listening that when people, guests, such as yourself come on to share these stories, it isn't easy. It can be really challenging to dig up, you know, those old wounds, especially when we. Work so hard to move on from that. Mm-hmm. And, and to become a different person. And there is healing power in being able to share and witness your story. And it takes a lot of courage to be able to share that publicly. Yeah. Thank you. That's kind. Yeah. But the, I mean, honestly, like, thank you for being willing to come on and, and share for the purposes of, you know, being able to resonate with somebody else who might be going through a similar situation or have had experiences with a similar situation. Yeah, and I've, I wrote a story on my Instagram feed once, and I just put a picture of myself up and I got so many messages of people coming out and saying, Hey, like, I really saw myself in your story because of this relationship from the past or so many women with marriages that ended because of domestic violence and nobody else knew. Mm-hmm. And it was amazing, just the sheer number of people that I had no clue that they had this going on in their past. Because it's not like a joyful, happy, it's something you're gonna readily share with other people unless you're close to them. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I would even be willing to say, sometimes I think we hide it from the people that we're closest to. Mm-hmm. Also, yeah, like there's a lot that I've said out loud recently just on social media that like my mom has no clue. She's like, I had no clue that happened. I'm like, yeah, I did. There and sometimes there's not the best time to like lay it all out like he, here's what's happening. So yeah. There's still some, some surprises. Yeah. Well, and I think too, another reason, at least in my experience was, you know, a long time ago, I remember my mom saying, I don't want my opinion of a person to be tarnished because you tell me something that is happening behind closed doors and if you fix your relationship Mm. You know, I, I don't wanna have that bias and judgment because I know y'all had a fight or you, you know, I don't think she ever took it to the extent of there was domestic violence occurring, but, That always stayed in the back of my head, like, oh no, I can't bring this to their attention because this'll pass. You know, we'll get through it and I need my family to still be able to accept him when we go home. Yeah, and that could be possibly what was going through my head too is I can't let them in because this will pass and this, this is just like a bad phase. And we're gonna work through it. Cuz that's what you do during hard times, is you work through it. Mm-hmm. And I didn't realize just how damaging the situation was and that there are are hard lines that I, I didn't know were hard lines, if that makes sense in terms of, yeah. I didn't realize when somebody calls you horrible names that that's not okay. And that that's not something that they're just gonna stop doing tomorrow. Mm-hmm. I mean, one, if you were to go back and talk to 19 year old or 20 year old you, what advice would you give her knowing what you know now? Yeah, it's so tricky because I always say I don't regret anything. And that's like with life because I've learned so much. Even if at the time it was super hard. So I'd like to say, That I, I would still live that again, but also at the same time, my life could have taken a different trajectory if I had just kept walking when he said, you know, if I had just looked at him and kept walking, what that could have done. But then, you know, I wouldn't have met my husband, I would've had my children. Who knows? Mm-hmm. Um, it's, it's interesting just the turn of events and how things happen, but. Also, I think just telling myself back then, like just, I, I wanted somebody to whisper like, you're so much better than that. Hmm. And, and it's tricky cuz I think I probably did have friends that were thinking it, but I don't think I had anyone, anybody come out and specifically say like, you're way too good for him. And you, you do not deserve to be treated like that. Um, So this is me. Uh, anybody listening, I'll be your friend and say you deserve way better than that. Yeah, thank you. And then what did that journey look like once you were, I mean, you hit all of these successful milestones, you know, it sounds like fairly shortly after. All of that happened in terms of completing nursing and school, getting married, or at least getting into this relationship. Um, but even, how did that trajectory work out where you felt comfortable enough to be in another relationship after experiencing something like that? Yeah, I think because I was still trying to learn about myself and. Learn new boundaries and things like that. I probably jumped into dating too quickly, if I'm honest, but I think it was that recovery of this person made me feel so horrible. So I'm gonna try to find something or someone that makes me feel good. Mm-hmm. So I probably jumped into dating a little too soon, but I think at the time that's kind of what I felt like I needed. I probably met my husband about six months after leaving that relationship. But it's interesting. I don't think I, I trusted him to treat me well. Mm-hmm. And so it's always waiting for something to happen and for us to break up. But nothing never happened. So I was told him like, oh, I'm not looking for anything serious right now. Um, but he was always there. We would always have great times together. And then, It ended up being, we were together for several months and I looked at him and said, well, I'm not seeing anybody else, and you're not seeing anybody else. Like, we're still doing well, so do we wanna just be together officially. So I think it was that conversation, um, that really propelled our relationship forward. But it took me a while to actually come around to the fact that he was gonna treat me well. Because I was just expecting something to happen. Same thing with him being a really amazing dad, and I was like almost surprised and taken aback like, oh, you're an amazing dad. So yeah, kudos to him. That's amazing. And kudos to you that you we're still doing this work, you know, and able to. Trust and get into a new relationship and figure out what that healthy dynamic looks like. Mm-hmm. Because I do think that's what a lot of people struggle with after having such toxic, unhealthy, and or abusive relationships. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think a lot of work came with recognizing like the red flags and, you know, dating people and. When you have that intuition or that voice inside or, or if you wanna call it God or whatever you wanna call it, telling you like, oh that feels weird, or, Nope, don't like that. Just listening to that more and being more in tune with it. Like that's how you make better choices for you in the long run, is not ignoring those voices that are coming up. Cause I think I did a lot of that when I was in that earlier relationship was. It was like flag, flag, flag, and I would just put the blinders on and keep going thinking that's okay. Like that'll change. That's normal. So I think just over time, really tuning into those smaller, intuitive voices inside. Mm-hmm. Can you give an example of what some of those flags might have been or might be for someone who's navigating? Yeah. I think for me specifically, It was a lot of our relationship was based on manipulation. Like, oh, I'm feeling really bad right now because of you, and you need to do this for me because of X, Y, and Z. Like, oh, you need to buy me the truck, for example. You need to buy me the truck because otherwise I have no way to support our family, or I have nothing. You're the only one. You're the only one I have. So if you leave me, I have no one. And of course that pulls on the, the caretaker mentality. Mm-hmm. Of, you know, feeling shameful. Like, I can't leave this person because they have no one. So I think that was pulling me back a lot. But there comes a point that you just have to put yourself first. Mm-hmm. And it's hard. That is the hardest thing to do, is to say, I'm sorry that you have this going on, but this is not working for me anymore. And I think boundaries are so huge, but you have to kind of live, live through some experiences to learn about boundaries and where you need to start putting those up. Mm-hmm. It's interesting you being a nurse and myself being an occupational therapist by background, and I had similar polls too, right? Like that very caring tendency, like wanting to help others, wanting to do for others, and I think there's. Particularly when we're young, that dance of, is that because I'm innately who I am? Or is that because I feel like that's how I get my worth and my value is by being able to do for somebody else. And then on the flip side, having somebody guilt trip you really, in a way. And hitting at your vulnerable spots or your weak spots. Right. And using that against you. And I totally had that too. And I think leaving, really having to be okay with them painting a picture that you're not that person. Because even though that isn't true, a lot of times that is, you know, what they use against you is we'll find that. I will tell everybody that. You left because you weren't willing to support me, or you left because, or you left me, you know, without X, Y, Z. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And, and I think, uh, part of it was I was scared to kind of create a news story and. Confront the person that I was in that relationship because I didn't like that person. I didn't like the person that could, that was too scared to say no. Hmm. And I felt like how could I have fallen into the trap of. Of the lies and the promises and the name calling and, and all of this. Like, how could that, how could I be that person? And so I think by staying in it, I didn't have to confront that, that person and that story. So I think the, the hard part when I left was coming to terms with my decisions and also rebuilding. So a little background. The reason I had money to spend in this relationship on like the motorcycle and the, the truck and all that, I had a small trust fund when I was, I was bitten in the face by a dog when I was 14. So I had, um, some money set aside that I was gonna be using for like, college and, and whatever. So I pretty much ran through like$20,000. In a 10 month span with being with this person, and then I probably had another$20,000 in debt, so, I think for me, I felt a lot of shame with like how much money I spent and like went through and, um, I was even on like food stamps for a while because I physically just didn't have money to support us. So I was the one like applying for like government assistance and like paying for the milk with the quarters that I found in the couch cushion. Like it was, it was tough. So I think coming out of that was, was hard financially. Um, so I'm so glad that I had, like I said, like a roof over my head and every month was just kind of like chipping away at my debt and if I could put, you know,$50 towards my debt here and$50 here, and maybe I'm not buying a ton of clothes this month, but I just really wanted to get out of debt as a way to kind of move on from that relationship. Wow. Yeah. I think in that circumstance, one, there is a lot of shame in the relationship of how could I not have seen that? How could I not have known better? How could I make that decision? And then to layer on the financial pieces too. I do think the shame keeps us stuck in a bad situation much longer. And maybe that is a piece of advice that we could share is it's like that shame one, we're putting it on ourselves, right? A lot of times other people aren't putting it on us, particularly in the way that we blame ourselves or beat ourselves up and all of that. I think the other is there are a lot more people out there probably willing and wanting to help than we probably believe, and three would be. It would be easier to get out of that situation faster, you know, and just rip the band-aid off rather than soaking in the shame and, and building and crumbling beneath that, you know? Yeah. I think the self-talk, like you mentioned, is so huge because I had a lot of stories in my head about what my friends and family, what they thought of me during that time, but I don't think they actually ever came out and said any of those things that I was playing in my own head. Mm-hmm. And I thought I was in too deep. Like I was like, oh, I'm in too deep. They're out. They've checked out. They're not here anymore. But I bet if I would've just sent a text message or something like that, they would've been like running for me. Yeah. It's so wild. You know, I think it's two part. I think one, we create the stories in our head, and two, a lot of times with the manipulation, the manipulator is also fostering those stories. Mm-hmm. Like, because they're creating some of those stories too. And I don't know if that was your experience, but that is a common piece of the manipulation is, well, nobody wants to hear this from you. Nobody's going to believe you. You know, what are people gonna think of you? And so it's like you have, you're kind of battling these stories from two angles. And, and more often than not, that isn't actually the truth. Yeah. I think what he would say was more of along the lines of, um, they don't understand our relationship. Hmm. And so that kept me like, you can't explain, you can't explain to them what's going on. They just don't understand. And so in my head, like, yeah, they, they don't understand like we love each other. And we have all this going on and they just don't get it cuz they're on the outside. So yeah, you're right. Part of his verbiage and what he was saying did implant and it made it even harder to kind of climb out of there. But yeah, I'm glad it did. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And you know, before we move on, I think just again, anyone listening who might be in a similar situation, If you hear this and it feels like you need to go, like now's the right time to go. Don't wait. Yeah. Yeah. I don't even know. Yeah. Like if I would've waited because I don't know if there would've been another opportunity to leave. Mm. Again, because I had all my family and like all my support there that one day that they came to me and said, what are you doing? Mm-hmm. So I think once the family would've disbanded again and gone their separate ways for a while, it could have been months. Mm. Until I had, uh, until I felt like maybe I had more people there to support me to leave. Mm-hmm. I don't even know. It's, I haven't even thought about this actually until just this moment, but I don't even think it would've been months until later that I would've left, or who knows? I'm so thankful. You know, it sounds horrible to say, but I'm thankful I never had children with him because that's such a strong tie, you know, as a prevention method to leaving, but like he would. Half joke that he would, um, switch out my birth control pills for fake pills cuz he wanted to get me pregnant. And I think that was a tactic to keep me there. And I'm so thankful that it just never happened. Right. Because he said that he, um, and this is a little dark and deep, but we're going deep today. So he said, yeah, we're, he said, you know, if, if you ever got pregnant and if you chose to have an abortion, I would kill you. Mm. And so yeah, that put me in a little bit of a, between a rock and a hard place. But like who do you tell, who do you go? You go tell your friend, like, my boyfriend just threatened to kill me if I aborted his baby. Like who? Who do you tell stuff like that to, right? Yeah. Well, I can assure you, you're not the only one that has the thoughts of, thank goodness I didn't have kids with this person. Yeah. Um, that just again, adds a whole other level of complexity and also fear, you know, um, and, and true danger. Um, I think on all parts. But I wanted to shift a little bit, and I don't know if you've thought about this, and I don't even know if you're comfortable answering this, but have you thought about. How this will influence the way that you raise your kids or teach your kids. Mm-hmm. You know, to make their decisions or to understand what's healthy and what they need to say no to. Has this influenced any of that? You know, I haven't put a ton of thought into it, although, I mean, my kids are now seven. It's probably a very good time. I think I try to frame my talks with them about, You know, you can say no to things and that's, that's okay. Like I feel like there's a whole movement to teach your kids about, like, you don't have to give people hugs if you don't want to. You don't have to give kisses if you can say no. And it's interesting, like my, I have a stepdad who's in his seventies and he's definitely that older school mentality of the kids have to show love by giving hugs. So he doesn't understand if like, the kids don't wanna do that. He's like, well, what's wrong with them? Like, they need to give me a hug. Um, but I think I do try to give my kids a feeling of empowerment in their feelings. Now I will say my kids do swing a lot in their emotions. I don't know if that's just an age thing or that they do feel empowered to have more feelings than, than most. But, um, but I'd like to think so. I have. Two sons and one daughter, and I definitely do wanna raise my daughter knowing that she is in complete control at all times. And even if she feels like she doesn't have control, like she has the power to work to get that power back. She's a very fiery personality to begin with, but I can only hope that she knows she can have whatever life that she wants to have. Hmm. You might have to record that and put that on repeat for, um, true. It's just such a, a powerful thing to think about and, you know, how can we show up to teach them differently, you know, so that they don't have to have the same challenging experiences or scary experiences. Yeah. Yeah, and I'd like to think at some point down the road I can share with her some of the, the details. But you know, maybe starting with like my dating stories and just what to look for and like red flags and the difference between having patience and, hmm, giving people some benefits of the doubt with certain things, but also having those hard lines and those hard boundaries. Yeah, I'd like to think I'm not super overprotective, but also I think it's good that I had those experiences to kind of teach them so that they don't have to experience all of the hardship I had, but maybe just like a little bit. Yeah, I, I definitely think that's a difficult thing to balance and to navigate because you don't want. Them to have no, you know, conflict or need to overcome anything because that is where you build so much of your character and you're speaking about, you know, having these conversations with your daughter. How do you think this will influence conversations with your boys? Oh my gosh. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like I need to have a sit down with my husband and be like, okay, like there's seven. What, when do we, let's roadmap the parenting journey together. Um, But it's so interesting thinking about like make kids dating one day and how they're gonna treat the people that they're with. Mm-hmm. And be kind people, but also be on the lookout for behaviors in their partners that might not serve them too. Mm-hmm. Yeah. If they were dating age, any of your kids. What would one or two pieces of advice be that you would give them? Oh man. I guess something along the lines of, you know, have, have fun because you're only young once. But also think of me when you're making decisions and you know, like I said, listen to that voice inside because it's usually that voice is the logical part of your brain firing at you. And part your intuition guiding you. So I think always go with your gut. Yeah, I love that. And I know we don't have a lot of time to dive into it, but what would you teach them about listening to their gut? I feel like so many people I've had this conversation with aren't yet in tune with what that actually means or feels like or sounds like. So do you have any ideas around that? I think it's sort of like building a new habit, right? Like I talked to my clients about, okay, hey, like we're gonna be having you drink more water this week, or we're gonna have you go for more walks this week. Or you know, adding more vegetables in, like all of these basic foundational stuff. But if you don't do it very often, you're out of practice, right? So I think listening to your gut is something that comes with practice. And mindfulness in general is such a huge piece to any behavior change. So I think the first step is, is the mindfulness piece of when you have a thought that flashes through your brain, like just take note of it. Um, like I think the last example I heard someone say was, you know, getting ready for the morning and you think, oh, do I need an umbrella? And you're like, oh, that's weird. It's not raining, and then it ends up raining. Mm-hmm. Um, so it's just that like flash moment of a thought coming through and just taking a moment just to acknowledge the thought and maybe you don't act on it, but I think it's just that mindfulness piece that helps you connect to that intuitive language that's going on inside your head. Mm-hmm. I really like the way you laid that out. And, and yeah, I agree with you. If, if you don't act on it, And then you end up needing an umbrella with that example. That will help teach you too. Oh, I had that thought in the morning. I should have paid attention to it. And I think that then reinforces the listening. Mm-hmm. Right. And then taking, taking action over time helps you build that trust in yourself. Mm-hmm. And that trust in that intuition that's inside. Mm-hmm Mm. That's so powerful. If people want to connect with you, if they're interested in learning more about who you are, where can they find you? I am a sucker for Instagram. Okay. I love Instagram. You can find me. Um, best Life Health Coaching and um, I have a website. It's the best health coaching.com. Yeah, we'll include both, uh, your Instagram handle and your website, um, in the show notes too. Awesome. But any, um, other thoughts before we wrap up? I think just no matter what you're going through, no matter. Like whatever the hard shit is that you have going on, it's not gonna be forever. It's temporary and you're gonna learn so much through it, and you're just gonna come out of it and be better and stronger. Hmm. Such good wisdom. Thank you so much, Megan. Thank you for taking your time today, and thank you for your willingness to honestly show up and openly share with all of us. It, it really means a lot and I know that. Again in sharing our stories, you know, that's how other people are moved, I think, and inspired to do something different. Yes. Thank you so much for having me. I, I super appreciate it. I hope you enjoyed this episode as much as I did. We always love hearing from you. Take a screenshot and tag us with your biggest takeaway. Also, make sure to subscribe to this podcast so you never miss an episode. Remember, we are not here merely to survive. We are meant to thrive, and I know it is your time to rise up, thriving.