Fostering Respect
It takes a village to raise a child
Foster Carer and Hackney Village hub host Debbie Bright
Feeling isolated is one of the most common experiences for foster carers, especially new foster carers. Access to peer support can make or break a fostering career. So, in Episode One of Fostering Respect, we meet Debbie, a foster carer of 30 years and a Hackney Villages hub host. She explains our vision for a care system where every foster family has the choice to be part of a village.
The Hackney Villages are based on the American Mockingbird model, where an experienced foster carer becomes the hub host to a constellation of foster families. This model is proven to reduce placement breakdowns. Debbie explains the model and the benefits to the children, foster carers and Children's Social Care staff.
Fostering Respect is the Hackney Foster Carers' Council podcast.
Hosted by Joe Chown
Produced by Jermaine Julie and Lucie Regan
Executive Producers: Debbie Bright, Kim Flack, Evette Dawkins, Andrew Henry & Liz Hughes.
Supported by The Museum of the Home
Special thanks to Rosie Watts and Mimi Buchanan
Foster Carer and Hackney Village hub host Debbie Bright
Feeling isolated is one of the most common experiences for foster carers, especially new foster carers. Access to peer support can make or break a fostering career. So, in Episode One of Fostering Respect, we meet Debbie, a foster carer of 30 years and a Hackney Villages hub host. She explains our vision for a care system where every foster family has the choice to be part of a village.
The Hackney Villages are based on the American Mockingbird model, where an experienced foster carer becomes the hub host to a constellation of foster families. This model is proven to reduce placement breakdowns. Debbie explains the model and the benefits to the children, foster carers and Children's Social Care staff.
Fostering Respect is the Hackney Foster Carers' Council podcast.
Hosted by Joe Chown
Produced by Jermaine Julie and Lucie Regan
Executive Producers: Debbie Bright, Kim Flack, Evette Dawkins, Andrew Henry & Liz Hughes.
Supported by The Museum of the Home
Special thanks to Rosie Watts and Mimi Buchanan
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Speaker 2:Foster Respect, Hackney Foster Carers Council podcast.
Speaker 3:Throughout this podcast series, we are going to be hearing a number of difficult stories from carers. So we are kicking off episode one, entitled, it Takes a Village to Raise a Child With Foster Carer. Debbie , talking about the Hackney Villages model, we're starting here for two reasons. First, because this goes a long way to explain our vision of what the care system in Hackney could be. And second, because a number of the episodes will be carers sharing their experiences of the system not working, experiences where they have felt let down, undermined or unsupported. Many of these experiences could have been mitigated or made easier to bear if the carer had been part of a Hackney village. The Hackney villages are probably the most powerful example we have of systemic practice and action. They're based on an extended family model with a hub carer who takes on a grandparent role and supports a constellation of foster families. They organize sleepovers for the children, parties and activities and provide peer support and training to carers. It's based on the hugely successful American Mockingbird model, which has been proven to reduce placement breakdowns. Each village has its own unique identity and will adapt to the needs of the foster families, but they all operate on some shared principles. They all work by supporting relationships. Debbie is the hub carer for the Honeybadger Village. She's one of Hackney's most experienced carers and is one of the most wise and inspiring people I know. Welcome Debbie .
Speaker 4:How lovely. What a wonderful introduction. <laugh> <laugh> .
Speaker 3:Can you tell us a little bit about yourself and your journey in the world of fostering so far?
Speaker 4:My name, as you say , is Debbie and um, you know, I'm many things to many people. I'm a wife, a daughter, a mother, and a foster carer. But I'm also much more, I'm passionate about care. My beloved grandmother, Hilda, a very strong Irish lady once told me, you only have to remember three things in life, which is to be kind, be kind, be kind. These words are imprinted in my heart because nothing but kindness really matters at all. I've been in foster care . In fact, I should say we have been a foster family for over 30 years. Hundreds of children have shared our home. These resilient, incredible little human beings have taught me and my family so much more than we have taught them. And I've been absolutely honored to share their journey. My newest role, as you said, as a hub carer, I would rather be seen as an auntie than a grandmother <laugh>, which is the heart and soul of a large foster family. I'm a strong believer in talking to everyone which has annoyed all my children for many, many years. Never, ever underestimate the power of even the minute positive connection. The hub village has many of these little connections which will lay down the foundations for life. I have found that the single best predictor of happiness and wellbeing is the quality of a person's social relationships. Our village teaches the children that they belong to something that is so important. I'd actually like tools also say that I named us the honey badgers . Oh , because each village has its own name. Because a honey badger is the fiercest animal in the world, and it could actually fight a pride of lions and honey Badgers are seen as like quite little insignificant animals, and in fact, they are so brave. And when I read this, I thought about all the children that are in my hub. You know, they're the bravest little people that I know and overcome so much, but they're , their resilience is incredible. Like the honey badger .
Speaker 3:Aw , <laugh> <laugh>
Speaker 4:Sounds good . That is why I called them the honey badger .
Speaker 3:Can you explain to us what it's like to be a hub carer?
Speaker 4:Um, yes, I can. It is extremely hectic , um, but incredibly rewarding. And a hub carer. I have 14 foster carers in my hub at the moment, which is quite a lot. But they all use me in different ways. So although I've got 14 carers, there is some carers that will use me like for lots of training ideas and um, you know, they might phone me and say, I really need help with , um, how I'm going to complete my logs and then I can help them with that. Uh , there is some foster carers that use me for sibling contact where there's two children with different foster carers. I'm nearly always got children in my house over the weekends where I give different foster carers breaks. It may be that they've got a wedding, a funeral, a dentist appointment, whatever the need is, I'm there for them. Um , I'm 24 hour support so they can ring me at nine o'clock at night and I'll pick up the phone and talk to them. But more than this for me, if I'm totally honest with you, although it has truly, truly, and I know firsthand stopped foster placements breaking down. And it is truly, and I also know this firsthand stopped foster carers leaving, that's all important, but for me, looking in to this crystal ball that I look into, it is so important for children in care. So I have 23 children in my hub ranging from six months up to 18. Um , and they all know each other so well. They're like cousins, you know, they see each other activities, they spend weekends together. And although we speak a lot about foster care as being isolated, we never really understand the huge impact it has on children feeling isolated, especially within a school setting. And I had an example of that with one of the children that I foster. Um , at the moment, she's a 9-year-old little girl, and she's moved , uh, into me very recently. So she's had to start a new school, which she's been there for about six weeks now. And it started with, I took her to contact , um, and um, her parent didn't turn up and she's very closed as a person. And um, it's very hard for her to cry like our sister did because the mum didn't turn up to contact , um, or be angry, you know, smash the bedroom up. You know, these are all things that we visually can see. And this child in particular is very closed. And so I said we all have ways of getting, you know, our anger, our frustration, our disappointment out. You know, some people run, some people scream, some people cry, but you've got to find your way. And her way is writing . So she's got this book that we call her Find the Missing Pieces book, which is where I wanna find out all the little intimate things about her that I otherwise wouldn't know. And she wrote in it that she was upset that her mum hadn't turned up, but she loves her and she wants to live with her. And all the things that we know children in care, you know, dream of. Um, but she also wrote afterwards about , I , I have got happy times as well because, you know, I've changed schools. And I never at this point realized how significant it was for her to change schools. And we all talk about not moving children in care if they're in a school place, because it's that, you know, uncertainty and they've gotta move schools. And it interrupts their education. And so when she first wrote that, I thought, oh , changing schools. But she put, it's been the happiest days of my life because at my last school , all my friends called me weird . I asked her why they called her weird. She said, because I'm in foster care and I don't live with my mom . And they all said, I'm weird. And they don't talk to me because they say, you haven't got a family. And I turned around to her and I said, well, how wrong are they? You have got the biggest family in the whole world. And she went, I know. And I said, you know, you've got me and my children and you know, my husbanding. Yeah. But more than that I've got my whole hub family. And she wrote on a piece of paper where she didn't write, she actually drew all the children in her hub. And I said to her, do you know what that is so important. She went, they're all my family 'cause they're all the same as me. And that was a point where I just thought that you couldn't, you couldn't write that you couldn't buy that you couldn't. It's for her. She's not weird anymore. 'cause most weekends she's with six other children in foster care and they're talking about some of them, I can hear 'em why they're in foster care and they're open and honest. Whereas in school, I feel like they've got to be, it's got to be secret. And they don't say because if they say to somebody, I'm in foster care, like it's thrown back at them when they have an argument or they're seen as weird. So it has many, many positive roles and , and I love it. I absolutely love it.
Speaker 3:One of the, the things that we've been discussing is how few social workers know about the model. And obviously in within the fostering teams, they understand it. But one of the things we want to get at this podcast is, is educating the rest of children's services about the importance of this model. And what would, what would be the, the kind of key messages that you would want
Speaker 4:Children's social worker haven't a clue what actually the hub carers are providing. Um, so for me, that's really important that we try to get that work in . And I think once social workers realize, you know, what, what we're doing on a daily basis, you know, they will be bending over backwards to get more hub carers in Hackney. You know, one of the , a really important one in my case is sibling contact Now, you know, to, to provide sibling contact, they have to contact the contact center , um, book a room at the contact center, get a supervising social worker to also be there at the contact. And it's one hour, two hour contact with their sister. And since I've taken over the hub , um, two , two and a half years ago now , uh, there's, there's two sisters. One is with one foster carer in my hub, and the other one is with another foster care in my hub. And they have, every month they have one full weekend together. Whereas they wasn't seeing each other at all. Or when I say a two , they were seeing each other three times a year. Uh , they have a whole weekend once a month together, and they have an activity once a month together. Now there's a lot of siblings that aren't seeing each other, you know, that's the truth of the matter. They aren't seeing each other because there's no one to set that contact up. And they have that consistency. And the other thing is, do they really wanna be sitting in a contact center? Not really. Do they? No. You know, I wouldn't, if I was a child, I'd be bouncing off the walls. You know, they do things, you know, they go roller skating , ice skating , they have, they watch a movie and popcorn and, you know, and it's , it's a , a very, very, very intimate, incredible relationship. They've both got. And what I've done is I, every year I do them a memory book of everything they've done together over the year. And then they take that home with them. And both of those foster carers that have got those children, you know , uh, uh, you know, they can't emphasize enough how different the children are because they're seeing their siblings. Mm-Hmm .
Speaker 3:<affirmative> . Yeah. There's obviously a significant benefit to the young people who are part of the Hackney villages. But in terms of support for the foster carers and the, the impact that it has on foster carers life and what it's like to be in a hub versus not be in a hub, you wanna talk through some of those experiences that your carers have had.
Speaker 4:So , um, I mean, there's so many, but I will pick a few. Um, so the first thing is 24 hour support. So I had one foster carer and she was a new foster carer. So this was vitally important because she did say to me she would've left, she wouldn't have stayed. 'cause they placed a , uh, significantly ill child with her. Uh , and you know, we read the profile. So it wasn't like she wasn't aware that the child had specific needs and there was lots of hospital appointments because she'd read the profile. But I think reading a profile and the reality of it is very different. So, you know, she was, I was calling her, she was calling me and she was absolutely worn out because there was lots of hospital admissions overnight stays. She felt that it was really having an effect on her birth son because she was at the hospital all the time with this child. So she wasn't seeing her birth son. So I took over. So I said, right , what days do you want me to visit the hospital? Give me three days, two days? You know, when you want me to go and visit the child at hospital? 'cause I'd already, well I hadn't at that point, 'cause this was right at the beginning. But then I established a relationship with this child. So it was like his auntie was coming to visit him and it gave her that time off where she could go home, have a shower , um, you know, have something to eat, pick her son up from school. It gave her some normality of life because nothing really prepares you for fostering. Like I said, you can read a profile, but until that child comes to live with you. So I stopped that placement breaking down and also stopped her from leaving , uh, the foster care because she said, I don't think I would've made it. Absolutely. Allegations is a big one. Um, you know, out of the 14 of us foster carers, we, we, you know, we often get together. There is 10 of us that have gone through some form of allegation. But when you are going through an allegation, you think you are the only person in the whole world that's going through it and you retreat, you go into like a little box and you don't wanna talk to people, you are embarrassed about it, you are upset about it, you are angry about it, you are frustrated about it. All of those feelings come into place. Whereas if you've got somebody that's been through that, that can actually guide you and hold your hand through it and tell you that it's gonna be okay and also know what support you should be getting, you know, rather than the support that you don't think you are entitled to. So, and I think definitely 24 Hour Care, you know, children that have absconded, they phone me and they say, you know, is this, have I done this right? Have I called the police out of hours? Is there anything else I should do? It may be that they're really crying and I go around there and make 'em a cup of tea and give them a hug. Um , problems with school, I mean the re you know, there's so many examples I can give you. That's just a few. But there is so many examples. But I think the main thing is that they know, all of them know that I'm always there for them. Mm-Hmm .
Speaker 3:<affirmative> in terms of the training, you mentioned training before that training. 'cause that's one of the benefits of being in a hub is that you get training that is delivered by a more experienced foster carer. And often the training that we get is, is not provided by a foster carer. So it's not coming from somebody with that lived experience. What's the, what's the reaction to the, the training that the hub carers put on?
Speaker 4:They absolutely love it. You know, they never come and it's like a chore or I've gotta go train with it because it's very, like you say it , it isn't just by, 'cause there's three hub carers and we all have a , um, turn in delivering the training or we might do it together or in two or one. But it's the input we get from foster carers. 'cause a lot of the time I, you know, I will say this, I deliver the training, but I learn as much from them as they learn from me. And I think it's coming to that mindset. Although I have 30 odd years of experience, all of their experience counts. So everybody in that room has a different experience that will count. And it's about sharing that. And also I identify what the carers need because, you know, you'll get a training brochure in it , have log keeping , um, how we write logs, first aid, all of the training that's the same every year. It may be training that a foster carer or a number of foster carers have , have, you know, called me about or have had issues about vaping. So I will then look at vaping and what I can do on training, on vaping. I send them , um, materials like podcasts they can listen to, which they love. And I've done all different subjects. I've done from, I use a lot of children leaving care doing podcasts. 'cause I think they're vitally important. 'cause as you say, foster care is , are training foster carers. And I think foster carers need to listen to children who've been through the care system. Um , because they're ultimately the ones that will be telling us what we've done wrong at certain points and what we've done. Right. I'm really, really, really hot on podcasts because we all know that foster care is , are so busy, you know, we've got so much to do. You know, you can listen to a podcast while you're doing your washing or you can listen to a podcast while you are driving the child to hospital appointment or, you know, there's all different ways you can learn. And I think we can't put in a box that you just learn from going and sitting at two hours training. Um , I invite guests onto , uh, into our training. Like Ashley Baptist has been, he was in care many years ago. He lived in Care Children's Home from two, was it, or 18 months right up until he left. He has now works for the BBC does documentaries. He talked about when he come and done our training, it was incredible 'cause he did talk about things that went wrong, but he also really talked about things that went right and that's uplifting for foster carers. 'cause so many times we're told about things that we're doing wrong. And is it really lovely that a care leave comes and says, do you know what you made the best impact on my life? If it wasn't for you, a foster carer, I wouldn't be in the situation I was in. If it wasn't for you, a foster carer, I wouldn't have gone to university. Isn't it nice to hear from people that we've actually done something Right? Yes.
Speaker 3:<laugh>, that is so important. Yeah. And it's, it's kind of almost like it's considered an optional extra when, when that happens. But actually it's, it's vital.
Speaker 4:Absolutely. You know, absolutely vital. So I do really try to , um, vary my material. I send out books, I send children's materials out. So we've just had Eid, haven't we? So I send out books for them to buy for their children, to educate their children about e We've got a very diverse , um, set of foster carers and it's about inclusion. And we've got , um, the day of hard celebration soon where two of our carers are gonna cook all beautiful foods for us and bring it to my home and share their food. And tell us about why it's important to celebrate the day of Hardge . I'm educating not just our foster cares, our children on different celebrations, different religions, and um, you know, that's a vital important tool to go forward with.
Speaker 3:A final question, Debbie , like where do you find the energy to support so many people and children?
Speaker 4:Through passion? I think through passion. A lot of people have said to me over the years, oh, when do you think you'll ever give up fostering? And I said, the day that I wake up and I think I don't wanna do this anymore. You know, nobody holds a gun to anybody's head in choices in life. And I think as long as you've got that passion and commitment and enthusiasm, 'cause enthusiasm has to be in there somewhere, you've gotta just carry on. You know, and, and sometimes listen, sometimes I'm exhausted, sometimes I fall in spread . I feel , oh , I'm absolutely exhausted and I have a cup of tea in the morning and I just get going again. And I'm a people person. Me and my children raised thousands and thousands for charities over the years. Fred is running the London Marathon for Bernardos because each of these charities have given support to me. So if I think of El a , which is a local charity with children with disabilities, especially around autism, you know, over the years I wouldn't have been able to wake up in the morning without them, especially in like the six weeks holiday and the two weeks, you know, they were just a phone call way that I'd call 'em and I'd say, oh , do you think you could, you know, take so and so , can you, can I just come in for a few hours ? Of course, Debbie come in like , you know, welcome arms and a cup of tea. You know, it is about giving something back. And I'm at the time in my life, my grand finale as you should say. But you know, it's about giving everything back to everyone that's given to me and the children I've cared for and my family over the 30 odd years I've been fostering.
Speaker 3:That's amazing. Thank you very much, Debbie .
Speaker 4:Thank you .
Speaker 3:You've been listening to Fostering Respect. If you've been affected by any of the issues raised in this episode or want to find out more about fostering or the Hackney Foster Carers Council, email us on Hackney Foster Carers council@gmail.com . Today's episode was hosted by me, Joe Chung . The producers were Lucy Regan and Jermaine Julie from Reform Young People. The topic of the day was presented by Debbie Bright, thank you for listening.
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