It seems that more articles are coming out about too many care leavers leaving the system unprepared for adult life. In today's episode, Kim talks about her experience of being excluded from decision-making about her young person's education. The young person in question was achieving academically; both Kim and the school agreed that, with support and encouragement, she could do well in her GCSEs and go on to the college of her choice. This was all jeopardised by decisions made by new, inexperienced social workers who believed they were doing the right thing by undermining Kim's parenting.
We talk about how it feels to be undermined and how easy it is for a placement which is going well to be jeopardised by a change of social worker.
Fostering Respect is the Hackney Foster Carers' Council podcast.
Hosted by Joe Chown Produced by Jermaine Julie and Lucie Regan Executive Producers: Debbie Bright, Kim Flack, Evette Dawkins, Andrew Henry & Liz Hughes.
It seems that more articles are coming out about too many care leavers leaving the system unprepared for adult life. In today's episode, Kim talks about her experience of being excluded from decision-making about her young person's education. The young person in question was achieving academically; both Kim and the school agreed that, with support and encouragement, she could do well in her GCSEs and go on to the college of her choice. This was all jeopardised by decisions made by new, inexperienced social workers who believed they were doing the right thing by undermining Kim's parenting.
We talk about how it feels to be undermined and how easy it is for a placement which is going well to be jeopardised by a change of social worker.
Fostering Respect is the Hackney Foster Carers' Council podcast.
Hosted by Joe Chown Produced by Jermaine Julie and Lucie Regan Executive Producers: Debbie Bright, Kim Flack, Evette Dawkins, Andrew Henry & Liz Hughes.
Foster carers have been asking for our voice to be heard for a long time, whether this is locally through fostering associations like HFCC or nationally through the fostering network and their State of the Nation report. Very often when we raise this, the response we get is about how important it is to listen to the voice of the child. The thing is, we are not saying our voice is more important, or that the child's voice should not be heard. We are saying that the voice of the foster carer is equally as important. This is because the most important aspect of children's social care is the relationship between the child and the caregiver. It has the potential to heal trauma and provide our young people with the best foundation in life. All parenting involves an element of getting children to do things they don't want to do. This can be brushing their teeth, tidying their bedrooms, or going to school. In today's episode of Fostering Respect, entitled, if It Ain't Broke, don't fix it. Foster Carer Kim is going to take us through a situation where a child-focused approach was taken by the social workers and the wishes of the childhood , but the relationship and the voice of the carer was not. We will examine this from the foster care perspective and look at the impact it has had on the child caregiver relationship and the possible outcome for the young person. Welcome, Kim.
Speaker 2:
Thanks, Joe .
Speaker 1:
Could you start by telling us about yourself and your journey in the world of fostering so far?
Speaker 2:
Hello, everyone. My name is Kim, and I've been on my fostering journey for the past seven years, although it often feels like a lot longer in the best possible way. Before becoming a foster carer, I spent many years supporting my dear friend Debbie with her foster children. And this experience has laid the groundwork for what would become one of my most fulfilling chapters in my life. I'm originally from South Africa and I come from a bustling family of nine siblings. And growing up in such a large and lively household has instilled in me a deep appreciation of companionship and togetherness. I've never felt alone amidst the chaos and love that has filled our home. My passion for nurturing children has been a constant in my life's journey. And when my life took an unexpected turn with my divorce, I found myself at a crossroads. It was during one afternoon while sharing a cup of tea at Debbie's table. That fate intervened. And before I knew it, I was undergoing assessments and training and stepping onto a path that would redefine my purpose. Fostering is, for me is not just a job, it's a calling and a privilege and a profound responsibility. Each day presents a unique set of challenges, and therein lies the beauty of it as no two days are ever the same. It's a journey marked by growth and resilience and countless moments of joy and happiness. And through it all, I've discovered a sense of purpose and fulfillment unlike anything else.
Speaker 1:
Thank you for that. Kim, do you wanna start by talking a little bit about the challenge that you have faced recently?
Speaker 2:
Recently I've had a, a challenge that I've come up against. I have a child in my care that I've had in my care for over four years. She's busy doing her GCSEs. Um, she's struggling a bit as everybody does. They feel the pressure at that stage in their lives. She has gone to her social worker and expressed that I am putting her under too much pressure , um, pushing her too much with her GCSEs. In between all of this, there has been a student social worker that has come on board , uh, who has had meetings with my child , um, and suggested to her that if she's struggling with things, maybe she needs a child's rights advocate, which she got. And I landed up at a table with all of these people in my house discussing the problem that I'm putting her under, too much pressure. I was advised to take a step back to leave her with her schoolwork. From then on, she would not discuss anything to do with school with me. I was not to have anything to do with , uh, I couldn't ask her about anything 'cause she just said, you're not supposed to be asking me about schoolwork. So I felt like my hands had been tied a little bit. This goes against everything that I know because I've been through this process with the GCSEs a good few times with my own children, with previous , uh, foster children.
Speaker 1:
And how are you feeling now about the situation? How has this made you feel?
Speaker 2:
It's, it's, I'm absolutely frustrated. As I said, this goes against everything that you know, against everything that I know. And I believe in. Um, it, I know it's stressful. I know exams are very pressurized, but it's, you know, everybody goes through a bit of pressure and sometimes you just need to be pushed. Some children just need to have that little push. She gets a lot of support from school. The school have supported me immensely with everything that she needs. She's getting extra lessons, she's getting tutoring. Um, it's just really frustrating because, because now I feel like I think my parenting's been undermined Mm-Hmm . With , in this case. Definitely.
Speaker 1:
Can you give a a little bit of background? Like how, how were things before this happened?
Speaker 2:
Well, from when she came to me up until this stage, she has done exceptionally well in school in everything. I mean, she has just flourished. She's had boundaries put in place. I've had nothing but positive feedback from school. They have been very supportive. Everyone at the school has been very, very supportive in helping her , um, through all her difficulties. And she's flourished. So she's done really well. And up until now when she's had a little bit of a moan, so to speak, to a student social worker who has now advised her to do this, and it's taken it into a completely different step. You know, they , they've just, I just feel that I've been sidelined, but that's how I feel.
Speaker 1:
And the, the relationship with the school , um, she had, she has been predicted grades for her GCSE?
Speaker 2:
Yes. She had predicted grades. Yeah, she did. But the idea has now been put in place that she, she might not be ready for GCSEs. That idea has been put there,
Speaker 1:
But that's been put there by the Yes .
Speaker 2:
In , during this meeting. Maybe she's not ready for GCSEs,
Speaker 1:
But the school felt that she is Yes.
Speaker 2:
The school, this was the school had predicted her grades before this meeting. So the school knew her potential. I know her potential. I know that she's capable.
Speaker 1:
So the people that, because I think this is kind of quite an important point, that the people who know this child the best you, who are with, who is with her every day and the school who know her very well, she's been at the same school for how long?
Speaker 2:
Uh , she's been there from the beginning
Speaker 1:
For four , so over four years now . Yes. And so they do know her and they know her potential. So all the people that know her believe that she has the potential
Speaker 2:
To do her GCP ? Yes . And this is it . You, you live with this child 24 7. I know her capabilities. I know that she needs to be pushed a little bit. Um, and then you have, they come in and they see her for an hour every, she's long term . So every , uh, three months and they make these decisions and they take, take the parenting out of your hands. So this is not corporate parenting, it's not co-parenting. We are not on the same page.
Speaker 1:
Mm-Hmm . Can you talk through your relationship with the , with the previous child's social worker?
Speaker 2:
So the previous child's social worker was , um, fantastic. I mean, she was on board with everything. We were definitely on the same page, me and her. And if I ever had a problem, she would come and unpick. She would come and talk to, to my child and me, and she would unpick all the problems and we would always settle it. Uh, she was fantastic. I mean, I wish I could bottle her up, honestly. She was one of the best social workers I've worked with. Mm-Hmm . She was really, really good. I couldn't, I couldn't fault her on anything.
Speaker 1:
And you worked, you worked together well, you worked as
Speaker 2:
A team . Absolutely. And , um, my child really adored her. You know, you get, you get when , when you tell the kids, oh , the social worker's coming to see you and they've got this, oh , you know, gotta sit at this table, whatever. But she really loved seeing her. Really did. She never had a problem with her because she was a really good social worker.
Speaker 1:
Mm-Hmm . And she knew that child.
Speaker 2:
Yes. Yeah . And she knew that child, and she was invested in that child. Mm-Hmm .
Speaker 1:
What , what is it now that's happened with the current social work team?
Speaker 2:
So we had , um, we had the child's right advocate, who I've since learned has left. We've had the student social worker, which I've recently learned , has also just left. So , uh, yeah, they've all come in, stirred up all of this, and now they've all gone
Speaker 1:
And you
Speaker 2:
Are left. And I've left, I'm left to deal with it now, which I'm still trying to do.
Speaker 1:
Mm-Hmm . With not long to go now before the
Speaker 2:
GCSE ? Yeah , because I mean , uh, exams are around the corner. Mm-Hmm . They're around the corner. And it's, it's very distressing because my child has a college she wants to go to, which we've been to the, to the interview. And it's a lot , it's perfect for her. And I really wanted it . And she really wants to get into it, but I don't know , she's refusing to do any revision. Uh, she's refusing to do homework and, you know, the , these are the things that are gonna get her into that college to get her to the grades that she has been predicted.
Speaker 1:
How has it affected your relationship with the child now?
Speaker 2:
Well, it's education wise , it's, it's terrible. And it's frustrating because not only that I have other children in the house, and, you know, this could have a ripple effect, which is damaging.
Speaker 1:
Mm-Hmm . I just want to read a few, a few points from the Foster Carers charter, which describes how this service are meant to work with us. It says, we recognize that in order for the children to live a full family life, foster carers must be able to make decisions regarding the children they foster. We will ensure that whenever possible you are able to make everyday decisions that mean your foster child is not treated differently to their peers and can feel part of your family provide clarity about any decisions you cannot take at the outset. So that everyone who understands is responsible for what, provide further clarity on the issue of delegated authority. I'm wondering how you feel about that, hearing that and how that matches with your experience.
Speaker 2:
Well, no, a lot of it doesn't match because I just find with decisions, it's always a case of, oh, I'll get, I'll have to get back to my manager and find out if this is okay, or if this is okay, and then I'll get back to you. And a lot of times they don't get back to you. But no, I don't, I don't think that that's particularly true.
Speaker 1:
No, no. You don't feel that your No . Your opinion was, was listened to. No,
Speaker 2:
I, I don't feel listened to at all. Mm . Because a lot of things have to, there , there's so many fields that they have to go through. I have to go and speak to my manager. We have to get this authorized. You know, there's just, it's just too much.
Speaker 1:
In an ideal world, how would you , um, see this working?
Speaker 2:
I feel that the previous social worker used to address the issues. She used to always, you know, come and see the child. She used to speak through the problems. She used to, she used to listen. Uh , I feel that me and her were on the same page with respects to what we wanted for the child. Mm-Hmm .
Speaker 1:
So reflecting on your experience, what, what is the one thing that you would like the service to understand?
Speaker 2:
What they need to understand is that we live with these children 24 7. We are the ones dealing with them and their issues and their , their good times, their bad times. We are the ones living with them. They come in for an hour every couple of months and take notes and go back to the office. And then that's it . We, we need to be considered the professionals that we are. We need to, they need to see us in that light. They need to let us be the parents because we are, we are the parents of those children.
Speaker 1:
That's , you mentioned before the term corporate parent . And I think the, from what I'm hearing, like one of the things that we could encourage them to take away from this is an understanding of the difference between corporate parenting and parenting. 'cause we are doing parenting and that the, the corporate element of it can, can sometimes undermine that parental relationship that we have with the child. Do you feel that's what happened in your case?
Speaker 2:
Yes, Joe , I've actually written something down. The roles that councils play in looking after children is one of the most important things they do. Local authorities have a responsibility to the children they look after and are refer to as being the corporate parent of these children and young people. And the critical question that local authorities should ask in adopting such an approach is, would this be good enough for my children?
Speaker 1:
Thank you so much for joining me today to talk through this. It is a difficult thing and I do appreciate how hard it is to, to share these stories and it's very much appreciated. So thank you very much.
Speaker 2:
Thank you, Ja .
Speaker 1:
So before we finish, is there any final thoughts that you want to leave us with?
Speaker 2:
I feel that when trying to co-parent child with the professionals, and there's mixed signals and they're supposed to be supporting us, and they send these mixed signals to the child, it just brings frustration within the household. Social workers and foster carers must recognize each other's expertise.
Speaker 1:
Excellent. Thank you very much, Kim . You've been listening to Fostering Respect. If you've been affected by any of the issues raised in this episode, or want to find out more about fostering or the Hackney Foster Carers Council , email us on Hackney Foster Carers council@gmail.com . Today's episode was hosted by by me, Joe C . The producers were Lucy Regan and Jermaine Julie from Reform Young People. The topic of the day was presented by Kim Flack . Thank you for listening.
Speaker 3:
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