Conflict and Connection

Connected Carer Andrew

Most carers report feeling isolated, particularly in the first two years of fostering. This is even more pronounced for connected carers, who are not signed up to fostering associations until the approval process is completed, even though they are looking after the children from the outset.  Sometimes, the approval process for connected carers takes up to two years.  

Getting peer support from other carers, even if it just helps us know that we're not the only ones experiencing a lack of respect or support, can be the difference between giving up and keeping going.  Getting guidance and wisdom from more experienced carers also helps new carers understand how to work more effectively with Children's Social Care staff.

Today, Andrew discusses some of the conflicts he has faced and the importance of connecting carers with each other.

Fostering Respect is the Hackney Foster Carers' Council podcast.

Hosted by Joe Chown
Produced by Jermaine Julie and Lucie Regan
Executive Producers: Debbie Bright, Kim Flack, Evette Dawkins, Andrew Henry & Liz Hughes.

Supported by The Museum of the Home

Special thanks to Rosie Watts and Mimi Buchanan

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Foster respect, Hackney Foster Carers Council Podcast.

Speaker 2: 0:09

Nothing prepares you for the culture shock of entering the care system. We know we are taking on children with trauma, but it is the culture of surveillance and suspicion and the way we are viewed and treated by the system that we are all always inadequately prepared for. HFCC is made up of foster carers and connected carers where foster carers choose this path and put ourselves forward for this. Willingly connected carers have this thrust upon them. One of the issues we are working on with the fostering service at the moment is the fact that connected carers are looking after the children before the approval process even starts. This is a big contrast to foster carers who go through the process before any child is matched with them. This process can take over a year in some cases, and these carers are left without the peer support that can make the big difference in what is often the most challenging period. In today's episode entitled Conflict and Connection, we'll be hearing from connected carer Andrew about his experience so far. Welcome. Andrew, do you want to start by giving a little bit of an introduction about who you are and how you came to be a connected carer?

Speaker 3: 1:19

My name is Andrew Henry. I'm ex-service personnel serving the British Army for over two decades and move on to start my own company, which is owned for Comfort Limited. This company provide socializing to the local authority for their most vulnerable people. Also provide mentoring service work with charities. Um, like Beard is one who is commissioned by various borough where we go in and speak to young people who are facing , um, difficult times, whether this is mental health issue or with a gang violence. We help them to get into education, employment and further training. And how do I get into , um, caring? To be honest, Joe , this wasn't of my choosing, but now it's more like a calling and it's the reason why I'm part of the , um, HFCC as a secretary because it's really an important role. So as an overview, that's who Andrew is .

Speaker 2: 2:29

Thank you. Um , do you want to talk through what your initial interaction with social services was like, how this all started?

Speaker 3: 2:41

As I said, it wasn't something that , um, Sarah and I , um, Sarah's my partner and I chose. Um, the two young people that we are looking after is Sarah family members . So we are connective carers. Unfortunately, they couldn't stay with their aunt no longer and we were the only available person with the real estate to look after them and the means to look after them . When we initially started, we were told that we were supposed to see a social worker, I think a couple months later before we see the first social worker .

Speaker 2: 3:18

Two months.

Speaker 3: 3:19

Yes. Um, it's been , uh, uphill and downhill, a bit like a rollercoaster to be honest. Um, something that I wouldn't change because it helped me to be the person that I am drawn me to be part of . Um, um, Agni Foster in service and meet a lot of people and work close with a lot of other carers. So it shape our life for the better. But I think things could have gone better, but I us but equally I've seen where things have got better with , for instance, some of the work that you are currently doing at HFCC and what previous , um, chair I've done, I can see the progression, so I'm quite hopeful. But back to your question, it was a rollercoaster and I can share some experience if you like, both good and bad. Not necessarily bad, but challenging times. I'll give an example. We have , um, one of our sswr who came by on our first visit, which was a surprise visit, we didn't mind . Um, she introduced herself and shortly afterwards she explained that Sarah needs to lose weight and I should cook better food for Sarah . And we were quite a stone of , you know, like, who are you, what are you talking about? I explained to her, that's not a type of behavior that we'll tolerate. And she explained to us that she's a straightforward talker. I said, I appreciate that, but if you come in my house and try to insult me, I'm gonna report you. She said to me that I should report all I want because social worker, they look after each other and nothing won't happen. I reported her and as she said, nothing have happened and up to today , um, we just have to put that to bed and focus on looking after the young people. Um , and that's in our care.

Speaker 2: 5:38

So the relationship started off badly and continued in that same way. For how long? How long ?

Speaker 3: 5:50

It's pretty much, I almost say no , I would probably say about six months to be honest. Um, it carried on in the total opposite direction and it continued that way. She would come, she would read the , uh, the magazine to us and we try to ask what's her visit was about what need to be done is , you know, give us a cue because we're not professional carers . So we were eager to learn, eager to confirm , but we wasn't getting any kind of guidance or direction. She would just read the, at the magazine that , um, got published and then she would leave. I'll give you an example, Joe , once she came at , um, a luck review and she was playing a game on her phone, we asked her to stop, play the game, and then five minutes later she fell asleep in the Luck review meeting <laugh> . Um, but as I said, it's not all bad. We've got, we Tiani after her, and Tiana was lovely . She was advocate for not just us, but the young people and she was really passionate. Um, she was also someone who speaks right and she would tell me, you're getting this wrong Andrew. And that's what we wanted. Someone who can tell our story or face what we are doing wrong and we come up to her with a plan and work forward and Tiani provide that for us. And now we've got Mama Godsend , um, and everything that is going wrong and we need support. She's there for us. And we understand that social service , you know, is a busy under , um, resource department with , you know, dedicating our hardworking people, but it's the relationship and in that area, I believe the relationship is getting better for us.

Speaker 2: 7:42

This is the, the point that we are talking to the fostering team about now. Because how long was it that your approval process took?

Speaker 3: 7:53

As I said, it took about two and a half months before we see the first social worker, and then probably just on that year later before we went to panel. So this is and being approved,

Speaker 2: 8:05

So this is, it's well over a year that you were looking after these young people and you were not part of the network of other foster carers or connected carers. You were not part of the Hackney Foster Carers Council because we, we , we certainly don't get past anybody's contact details until they've been approved. So for the, and we know, we know that , um, a very, very high percentage of placements break down within the first year. And that's, that's whether your connect carer or a foster carer, we know that , um, a number of carers just quit in the first year because that it is often the most challenging part of the fostering journey. So what was it like being a , a foster carer without that sort of peer support, without connecting to other foster carers ?

Speaker 3: 9:01

Very difficult at the time. It, it felt as if this is only happening to us and it was really a difficult time. It was not until we were on a training, I can't remember what training it was on, but I can actually recall that there was conversation about HFCC , um, mentioned by other carers and that's when we asked the giant and we become member. But I think it would've been really better if on the first contact with social service they would've mentioned HFCC and other organization and , and other, other resources that's available for us as carers to tap into. And since we've become members of HFCC, you've got Deborah dot eye contact yourself and it become a network. People who have shared values, shared ideas and experience that you can bounce off much more experienced Carrs . And it's have really helped , which now I don't have to rely heavily on social services or social workers because I could pick up my phone and say, Joe , my young person , uh, you know, is displaying these symptoms and I'll be able to speak to someone who's within the network, can speak to them confidentially without compromising, you know, confidentiality that we've signed up for. So , um, it helped us a lot.

Speaker 2: 10:44

So the , I mean it's interesting hearing you say that it's like a lot of these, a lot of these things that we we're asking for from the service, like sort of more of the hackney villages to be in place, like connected carers, being able to access HF CCC before the approval process is completed. All of these things, it's about kind of connecting carers and one of the, the benefits of that, it does actually relieve pressure on social workers. If you've got other experienced carers that you can go to for that support, you are not then going to the children's social workers or your SSW and asking them to support you in ways that maybe they're not able to support you. That sound fair?

Speaker 3: 11:32

Yes, definitely. Um, you know, just to go back to some of, some of the work that I'm aware that you're doing, which is to connect carers to address trauma within, you know , the care system and being supported by other carers, I think that would alleviate so much pressure from the social services because if I've got a young person who is missing at 10 o'clock in the night social worker, their department is closed, they've got a duty person who is there to record information, but that young person's still vulnerable. I can ring you and I can say , Joe , I've got a young child in the house. Can you look after my young babies ? I can go and look for this young person, but we don't that network then after call police possible getting this young person being looked after by police or chased by police or whatever the case may be. That's not a police work. Police worker , police is not social workers and they're not carers . And you could see sometime they're frustrated and it's difficult when you've got a young person who is missing and you don't have anyone to turn to. And then you've got someone who you're call calling and they're being frustrated. So yes, it is a difficult one, but hopefully some of the work that you're doing, you know, we can tie that in with the services and we can have a much more partnership with them as carers and social workers.

Speaker 2: 13:22

The relationship becomes more equalized . Can you talk through some of the , um, the difficulties in the way that you have been treated as a connected carer?

Speaker 3: 13:35

Some of the challenges , um, surrounding relationship is, I think, and this is just a perspective I think because I'm not a professional carer, as in I'm a connective carer. I did not choose this and this is not my daily job for me, this is my family and I'm sure all carers see, you know, a young person as their family. But when I said family, this is blood relative. There is much more personal for connective carers. And sometime the relationship between connective carers and social workers can come on and eat strain because social workers just see themselves as corporate parent and we are just carers. And it's very difficult to see a family member as just care . You , you see them all their life, you grow up with them and you will treat them different as, as to what social worker would expect you to treat them . As a social worker told me in our meeting , um, a pet meeting in front of other professionals like teachers and um, and um, comes that my job is to do whatever she tell me to do

Speaker 2: 15:03

Because she's the corporate

Speaker 3: 15:03

Parent. 'cause she's the corporate parent. And it go back to the relationship with carers and social workers is this hierarchy we know best, but when it come down to look after the young people, it get left to us. And I think once the relationship, and for me, I can't speak for every carers, but for me, I believe it's getting better now, the , the children's social worker is an experienced social worker. My social worker is an experienced social worker. And I think when you've got a young social worker, we put on the stress within every workload, probably that's the result that you'll get.

Speaker 2: 15:54

Hmm . Yeah, there, there can be times when you have an inexperienced social worker, an inexperienced foster carer and an inexperienced SSW and the blind leading blind .

Speaker 3: 16:07

The blind lead blind. And you know, and I'm just add onto that , um, I was blind to this , you know, social workers and what they do, you know, I didn't even realize, you know, the only time I hear about social workers is in the news when they do something bad or something. But I have to say, since now I get to work with social work , I realize that there hard workers, as I said to you before with little resources. So I don't look on every social worker the same as I wouldn't expect. They look on me just like what they look on every carer . And I also look on my bad experience with other social workers as, you know, a positive in terms of that experience. I can then transcend it to podcast ideas or get involved into HHCC to make a difference and hopefully for some of these social workers who are more experienced to be able to listen to podcasts like this and provide further guidance. Because I believe some of these social workers instead of get rid of them is teach them. Because as a carer I have learned

Speaker 2: 17:24

Now you are more experienced and you have gone through this process of things really not working well. And then you've experienced the other side of things working well, of being feeling like you're part of the team, feeling like you're understood and supported. And what would your advice be to the system in terms of how, how to manage new foster carers or new connected carers ?

Speaker 3: 17:50

Focus on training and where things go wrong, implement restoration at the earliest opportunity. Um, and I think some of the other things that we had experienced was things get written about us that we weren't aware of and it took another social worker, which was a SSW, who actually read it and come back and say, these things are not right and brought it to our attention. And I think social workers need to understand that when they do write things, it have serious implication, not just on the placement, but the lives that they've already have. And I think those are some of the advice I , you know, I would give, you know, just, you know, just to mention a few .

Speaker 2: 18:51

Do you want to talk about your personal experience of that?

Speaker 3: 18:55

I've got, again, this is really, really personal. Um, and as you know, Joe , I'm , you know, I, you know, I'm private, I talk a lot, but I'm very private. Um, when I started to look after , um, the two young person, I was told that basically by my ex-wife, that if I can look after other people kids, I should give her more money. So she took me to C-S-A-C-S-A tell her that I was giving her too much money. So she go to the option to say that I'm not gonna see my child if I don't give her more money. So I said, okay, take me to court. You lost on the CSA side, you're gonna lose in court as well. When I went to court, to my surprise, they've got a whole load of documents and reports that they got from social service to say that they've supported my home. My home is break placement is breaking down and they have to put things in place. All of this was news to me because it never happened. So I was convinced that the court is getting files information from somewhere are documented, made up because as far as I know, none of this, you know, have been taking place in the background. So when I contact , um, and the Kafka officer actually wrote the report. She gave me the names of who she spoke to, I contact , they said to me, no one in the department, I've actually written that and the court is telling a lie. So I said, okay, can you give me something in writing to say that no one up until today, I can't get anything in writing to say that was information was false. However, later on it found out that it was actually written by , um, social services and that's a next area where I have to put behind me painful as it may be for the greater good of the young people that we're looking after. Because you realize if you challenge the service, they try to come down on you with every hand and write more things. And I'm not saying that I'm concede to whatever happened, but I'm looking at the bigger picture and it's the reason why I'm part of HFC to bring changes.

Speaker 2: 21:33

Mm-Hmm , <affirmative> . So just to be clear, the, this, the , the CSA stands for Child Support Agency ? Yes. Um , and CAF calf , what is that ?

Speaker 3: 21:42

It is an independent, well they're social workers as well, but , um, independent to the case that we'll look into what's going on, first you have to go to like a mediation. My, my , um, ex-wife at the time didn't wanna go to mediation because of the speaking to the mediation and media told her that we actually getting too much money , much money . So she didn't wanna do no more session.

Speaker 2: 22:09

So the , this, this process that you've been taken through, it's so they have blocked you from having access or contact with your son?

Speaker 3: 22:18

Yes. Now I'm having contact with my son because I just pay more money.

Speaker 2: 22:23

And so that's, I mean, this has been the result of this becau because the refusal of social services to provide this letter to say that actually the the placement that you have is ongoing. It's not breaking down, it's working and you are continuing to be connected . Carers , yes .

Speaker 3: 22:43

This the same placement that was written to say that , um, it's broken down and they have to implement so much things and I wonder if this placement is breaking down so much, why do you allow the children to be in care ? But that wasn't the case. You've got , um, inexperienced social worker that if you challenge their retaliation is the right thing about you write things about you. And this is not isolated. I won't name other people because give consent for that, but it is a common practice to my understanding.

Speaker 2: 23:26

Yeah, it's , it's , and this , this is part of the reason why we're doing this podcast is to highlight situations like this to to highlight the power imbalance, the , and the negative impact of that on foster carers . And by extent the negative impact on the care have foster carers . These , these are issues that need to be addressed systemically. We'll wrap up now and so I just want to ask you if there's any one piece of advice that you would like to leave social workers with <laugh> ,

Speaker 3: 24:00

Um, just before we wrap up Job , what would I actually like to have as well is some of the good experience and it's the reason why I continue do why I do and join HCC to make changes and looking on or weaken help with recruiting , um, within , um, the services and also amongst givers because I think it's a responsibility for all of us. It's not just social worker responsibility and it's not just our responsibility. It is a giant effort with all professionals, schools and other , um, entities to look after these young people that desperately need that care . Some of the , the good things that I, you know , that keep me going is, for instance, I mentioned mama , which is my social worker. She remind me why we're doing this and why it's important. Um , you know, I have to say she also us keep us grounded If we going too far on the right, too far on the left, you know, she will tell us, Andrew, stay focused, get back on track. And I think some of those experience and support working with other people like yourself, again, I've just mentioned and other social workers . I think within ame we've got a good system, not without at fault, but we really have a good system. A system that not just us asra , but also social service need to be proud of because, you know, within my profession, I work with other local authorities and a definitely have something good how , but with every good thing, if you don't take care of it, it'll go. So , um, my advice overall is much more collaborative work and understanding not just on Social Service spot , but we owe each other as carers to hold each other accountable.

Speaker 2: 26:11

Thank you very much. That's great. You've been listening to Fostering Respect. If you've been affected by any of the issues raised in this episode or want to find out more about fostering or the Hackney Foster Carers Council , email us on Hackney Foster Carers council@gmail.com . Today's episode was hosted by me, Joe Cho . The producer was Jermaine Julie from Reform Young People and the topic of the day was presented by Andrew Henry. Henry. Thank you for listening. Please join us for the next episode

Speaker 4: 26:56

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