Good Vibes with Cathy O'Conner

Cathy O'Connor is one of Ireland's most respected fashion stylists and through her regular television appearances, is renowned for her expertise and practical advice.  She hosts style workshops for the corporate and retail sectors, offers a personal shopping service and is a business mentor for the retail industry. Her passion for all things stylish has garnered her a devoted following.

Marie gives an insight into understanding with vibrations and frequencies matter when it comes to your skin and wellbeing. She takes you on a journey of how the environment we surround ourselves in and the people we associate with can impact our mood and health. 

Transcript

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I'm delighted to be joined by the wonderful Kathy O'Connor, who is island's leading stylist. I met Kathy, couple of months ago in Ireland when, my company, Marie Reynolds London was being launched by our fabulous distributor, Olivia Murray, and we did an event there. And, as soon as you came in, Kathy, I thought. How elegant and classy loved your style and you looked fantastic. So I'll hand over to you if you want to introduce what you do and who you are. Well, I'm not sure if I can follow up after that Gorgeous introduction. Yes. I'm a stylist for many years in Dublin. I'm also a personal shopper at Kilder Village. Village, which is the equivalent of b the type of setup, trained also as a life coach, a yoga teacher, a hypnotherapist, so all sorts of other things going on as well. Fantastic. I never even knew that. There you go. I just wanted to touch on, how you find fashion and wellbeing paired together, how important that is. do you know what I'm going to do a little kind of division because I think there's fashion and their style. And so my definition of fashion would probably be more kind of trend based. You know, the kind of seasonal trends that come out, every season. And for me, the area I'm kind of more interested in is style and the influence that has on wellbeing is absolutely huge. Yeah, it is really huge. I mean, there's lots and lots of studies about, how setting your clothes out, is really good for your mind. It's really good for mindfulness. Even just back to basics when you're feeling really shitty, even just putting a nice lipstick on just instantly makes you feel brighter and more, effervescent. Even people with, mental health issues and severe anxiety and depression, that certain patterns and certain textures and certain colors all play a part of lifting their mood. I listen, I can well believe it. And you know, Marie, for me, I guess, uh, you know, style is all about self-expression. It's a wonderful visual dynamic way to say to the world, this is who I am. And so I think when you're reaching that kind of point of wearing something that you feel really good in because you feel this is me that I, I just feel so comfortable in, in this. I'm not thinking about anything. It gives you a confidence. And it allows you engage with the world in a very different way. So I, I've seen this through an awful lot of, personal shopping where people may be going to something and they start kind of second guessing themselves about what they should wear, what they're wearing, on the night. And so rather than kind of being there at whatever's happening, they have this parallel erotic conversation going on in their mind. Damn, I should have worn the black. Why didn't I put on weight? Why didn't I lose weight? Do do you know, all of that kind of neurosis that we can self-talk, which can be really kind of damaging in a more profound way, but just really not make your night or your lunch or whatever lovely thing you're going to that enjoyable. So I think when we're, when we're at a point of going, this is me, I'm cool with. This is what I'm wearing to say to you. This is me. I think it's a great place of confidence, to be in. Yeah. But don't you think that that's down to your own mindset, and especially with social media and what the message is being put out for social media of what women of a particular age should look like, or that you should literally. Hang your coat on the mantle and then just give up. And you know, especially on the wellbeing side with women going through menopause, it's like, oh my God, this is it. It's a downward slope. I'm just gonna give up. I'm just gonna, you know, accept it. When actually I always say to my clients, you are thinking of you as your 20 or 30 year old. You're never gonna be that person again. We are on. Phase the next chapter of our life that it's such a blessing to be. And it doesn't mean to say that you've got to stop wearing the makeup or stop wearing what fashion you wanna wear, or, setting yourself to what society deems that you should be at a certain age. So what's your view on, on. Well, don't even get me started, My, my big mission this year, in fact, is that I, I wanna do a rebrand of midlife, because I, I think for so many women, they feel invisible. Mm-hmm. and tragically can feel invisible. To themselves. But you know, Marie, from what I see as a personal shopper, I think it starts kind of way younger. In the sense that very often what can happen to a woman who's a new mother, that they've spent a year being pregnant another year just simply trying to stay vertical and get a grip. With what's going on. Perhaps they're to reenter working outside of the home, and things have changed so dramatically and so quickly during that time that they don't quite know where they fit in. They're not seeing themselves reflected back to themselves in terms of advertising, in terms of campaigns. so they start second guessing themselves. And someone was telling me about research recently where women who are going back into the, into the workforce in that sense that while childcare is an absolute issue, very often confidence is just a big an if, an issue. So sometimes they take jobs that are way below their capacity and intelligence, but it kind of fits into their comfort zone. And within two weeks, they're kind of reorganizing. So I, see that women start getting second guessing themselves, and I think as you say, it's about stage, not age A and the metrics of age no longer work in terms of by this age you'll be doing this, that and the other. Oh god. And I think particularly for mothers, You're sold an absolute myth in terms of you need to go back to who you are, the changes that happen in your body. Maybe you'll get back to your body the way it was pre-pregnancy, possibly not, but you're not going back. You're, this is now a new stage and you chapter in your life. That's exactly great. And, and I think there's so much punishment about, oh, you need to be the superwoman and have your, you know, your abs back in I call it this absolute nonsense. And I think particularly with social media, where some women are held up as here are the icons, the women who've got it all, and the beautiful homes and the blah blah, blah. Nothing there's anything wrong with that, but I'm just saying that for a lot of people they're absolutely not going back to who they were. There's, A kind of new chapter having that, that we need to embrace. But women are punished sometimes for not br being the pre-pregnancy person that they were. What we have to remember is, especially on social media, it's a snapshot. It's not real. It's not real. When you get these images of women that you say have that seem to have done it all, had it all have got everything. it's like this term, anti-aging. I've always hated that term because we shouldn't be anti about something that is natural and beautiful and evolving and a blessing to, to reach an older stage. And don't forget, as women we're more wiser, We're more knowledgeable. And I think as well, it's this imposter syndrome where you think, oh, you know, should I say that or shouldn't I say that? Or should I wear this there's no rules. Be who you absolutely are and embrace. Listen. Yeah, listen, I couldn't agree with you more. And, and I think kind of thing of age being a limiting factor is just so untrue. I just wrote an article about this recently where, for me, the kind of two of the core values of the beauty and fashion. Businesses are youth and beauty. And I tell you, once youth starts to phage, you see how inextricably linked they are. And so what can happen is that it propels women into chasing youth. And I couldn't agree more with you in terms of anti-aging. Anyone who thinks that they're going to win on aging is, is, I mean, it. You know, ludicrous in, in a way to do that. And I think it is about embracing who you are, enhancing in whatever way you want, who you are, but not trying to turn back the clock in that kind of way and fit into a mode that that does that no longer kind of serves you. And I think that because we've got so many brands, Who know that their core customer is an older woman who know that that woman keeps their doors open and supports their brand. They do not talk to them directly. Instead, what happens is you've got inappropriately young models used for the campaigns and naturally it starts this sense of that, that midlife woman being invisible in some ways. Yeah, so for example, You got mother of the bride always, always worn on 20 something year old models for the love of God. no you know, as, as you say, with skincare, you've got Lily Collins advertising, I guess she's in her twenties. I don't know how she's advertising a. Kind of heavy duty treatment, skincare. And so as a midlife woman, I'm looking at this 20 something skin. That is just absolutely nuts. It's not realistic. And also, you know, I think what that does that makes. Women of a certain age feel that they are not part of society, that they're not an, integral part of society. That gives a message that I think it's really important to understand that aging is not a negative word. I always say to people, lines and wrinkles, they're a reminder of what you've gone in. They're sort of like your warrior badges that you should wear with pride and stretch marks are just reminders of you've housed a beautiful human being, or, you know, always look at the positive thing of it. But there's such a spin of, if you've got cellulite, if you've got stretch marks and you've got to get rid of this. But just, you know, just embrace what you have and just really love your body and love yourself. And you know, the biggest word is be kind to yourself, I think. Absolutely Marie, but, I can really understand how so many we women feel invisible because when it comes to popular culture, we are so underrepresented and that is not a benign thing. The fact that these brands don't use us in their advertising campaigns or will not talk to us directly has the feeling of ex. Conclusion like, we don't belong. And that's not a benign kind of thing, and I certainly see it through personal shopping where you've got this thing of, from a new mother second guessing themselves, maybe in their forties they're seeing signs of aging, and they're saying the fifties maybe hitting empty nest menopause. And so rather, Us seeing ourselves reflected in popular culture, we've become more and more invisible and as bad as it is to feel invisible when you start feeling invisible to yourself, that's really appalling because we're set fed such a diet of you're not allowed age yada, yada, yada. So when we're looking at ourselves, We now are looking at ourselves through those, through those eyes of, oh, look at my eyes, or my neck, or my bum, I think it's a, it's a real uphill battle because what we have to offer in terms of wisdom and the liberation. The liberation that comes from caring less. Yeah, do you know, is, is a marvelous thing, but I think that we are really undervalued in society and sometimes undervaluing ourselves to a huge extent. Well, there was a phase wasn't there, where they were using sort of like Helen Mirin but then it's faded out again. It's gone back to the younger model No, but you know, Marie, it's great in a way that it, it seems to be that you can kind of be in your twenties and everything is targeted for you, and you belong. You're kind of potent and you're dynamic and you belong. And then you get this rockstar status of the Helen Murs, the Jane Fondas, the Judy Dentures, and that the course should be celebrated, but it's the bit in between. Yeah, exactly. You know, and even in. But what you notice is anytime they portray age, it's always someone with gray hair. Yeah. So again, what you need to do is have the visible sign of aging. Yeah. That's the person they'll use as opposed to, hang on,, I don't have gray hair. So it's the bit in between and really, yeah, that's right. In fashion and beauty. I think it's the mid thirties, as early as that. Is this is, yeah, you're right. There is, there is sort of like a gap that's missing out on that. I mean, we have some fantastic, older, icons like Iris ael for instance. She's just amazing, isn't she? And she just really doesn't give a crap she, layers her fashion with. High end and flea market fashion, doesn't she? Did you know that, Mattel actually released a one off doll for her, like a Barbie doll because she was such an. I know. Amazing. Amazing. And again, it's, I think it's great to have that individual style as well. And one of the things that I think is, is potentially quite damaging is that unless in society we are being seen, and again I say from mid thirties onwards, women who are rocking it, who are celebrating themselves, who are doing their own thing, feeling confident, looking good in whatever way that is expressing themselves. Trina McCarthy is one of those women. I love her fashion. She's amazing. She's f fantastic. But, if there aren't enough of us out there for the generations that are below us, the visibility of, of seeing older women who are to be aspired to and admired, I think allows younger women to go, Hey, I'd like to be like her when I grow up. And if we're not there, if we're not represented, if we're not seen, then there's no reference points. And so as I say, all of the value that we have in terms of wisdom and knowledge and a sense of self-confidence and all of those things, if we're not at the table, nobody knows what we have to offer. No, there's a fantastic, lady, she's Lou in Lulu land on, on Instagram. If you don't follow her, you must follow her because she's just amazing. She. Decided, that she was gonna buy a 1980s bus in America. She's English and she tour all the way around America and she's brought the bus home and she's sort of like flying that flag of self love and, menopause. And she's got this mad fashion and she's just amazing. So you must follow her. She's just fantastic. It really brings joy to my heart in a way, Marie, when I see those women out. Who are incredibly stylish with a really strong sense of themselves and their individuality because in a way fashion is so tribal that, that unless you actually start to develop a sense of personal style very, very quickly, you can feel excluded from what's fashionable. Because more and more it's aimed at the young. Yeah. Personally, I like very, classical cuts Very understated. at the moment I've got a big chunky knit on my mum knits, all my chunky knits. She's fantastic. I've never been really pressurized into fashion, I've gotta say. I think people working from home, just don't make the effort, that can affect their mood. And I think even when you are feeling like unmotivated it really does affect that motivation, that creativity. my brother always said it's never a sin to be poor, but it's a sin to look poor You know, you can, you can do it on a shoestring. There's no excuse. My husband, he has to do Zoom meetings and he puts on a shirt and does these meetings, but he said, I can't believe almost every one of them. Like I've either got a hoodie on and just slumped there. Can't be bothered. They look as though they've just come back from the gym And I think that in itself affects your motivation, your creativity, Could, I could absolutely agree Marie, and I think there is this kind of blurring of the lines between at home and the outside world where before there was at home wear that you would never dream of wearing, in the outside world. And that seems to have really blurred. I think you're absolutely right that I think. When you're wearing something that you feel really good in, it totally affects your mood. And again, you're not wearing it for anyone else other than yourself and, I really notice with a lot of of people how they have just really backed off from not even dressing up, but just kind of getting dressed in any. Considered way. And so they just reach for the same kind of look all the time. And I don't think it's a great, place to be in. And with clients of mine, I find very often the first thing they'll say is, oh, I want to be comfortable. And it's kind of as if comfort and style can't coexist. Yeah. I mean, fabrics are so gorgeous now. There's a lot of stretch, a lot of room, a lot of mobility in things, but it just seems to be, oh, it's all about comfort and, and really you can be stylish and comfortable at the same time. And I think that unless we're kind of back making an effort purely for ourselves, it's a kind of slippery slope when will you ever do it? If not now. No, that's right. I think it's so important, you know, and it's like you said, everything is blurred. You know, when I was younger, if you went out for a meal you'd make the effort but now it just seems no effort. And I just think it really is sad, but you're talking about, textures but color has very much to do with mood. They link in with Joy or anxiety or motivation, so when you have a client and you're uh, personal shopping, do you take into consideration their personality and mood? No, no. It's all about them. Because for me, style is all about self-expression. So it's not about turning them into mini mes. It's about who are they? What do they want to say about themselves, what makes them feel really confident? It is such a joy, Marie, and again, I know in your work it's the same for you. But very often people who come to me are people who, really don't like their bodies, and definitely don't like shopping. And they've already been out there, looked at things, can't find anything, and very often what happens is that they've got something coming up. It could be an occasion, it could be a holiday, it could be promotion, might be going back to work. And so they start looking at themselves through the eyes of others. And that judgment kind of paralyzes them. And so, What I'm looking to do is to try and elicit from them who they are. What is their personal style? What do they respond to that makes them feel really good and really confident, and when they're putting on something, I don't even need to ask them if they like it or not. I know by how they stand, if they like it. It will start kind of posing in the mirror. I mean, I mean, PO posing, I don't mean in a, in any pejorative sense, but they'll start kind of moving and looking at themselves and kind of admiring themselves. And I can tell you what an absolute privilege it is to have someone who's really very often lost their mojo, not feeling great about themselves. And where they're thinking, oh, well, there's no help for me. You know, I can't find clothes or being very down in themselves. And to be part of that transformation where they're looking at themselves going, Hey, I, I feel good in this. I really look good. And so it starts reengaging them and maybe it'll go out and buy a lipstick, but they reconnect themselves and who they are. They're not dressing for anyone else. It's really about. Things that give them that sense of confidence. And ultimately, for me, confidence comes from self-expression. Anything, any environment, any human that allows you be yourself and create a space where you can be yourself really allows us flourish. Because we're not defensive, we don't have that going on. So anything that allows you. Express yourself. Feel confident about who you are is absolutely to be a applauded. And the time put in that is absolutely invaluable. People who got busy lives, it's just brilliant to have a wardrobe where you're going, do you know what? I like everything in my wardrobe. I have combinations that I feel really good in. I can put my hand on it. and put it on me. And I am good to go and engage with the world in that way, that self care I is so important. And, and sometimes we get caught up in, looking after everyone else before ourselves. so anything that, allows us feel better and feel more of who we are. And, this year for me, my motto is not about a new you, it's about more of you. It's about enhancing. Who you are and bringing out the best in you. That's perfect. That's absolutely brilliant. and what little tips that you would give our, our listeners to, reevaluate and maybe look at certain things that they can put on a, of a data and to pet them out. What would they. The first thing I think when you open your wardrobe is that anything that you're not wearing, take it out of your wardrobe. Sometimes people have things that don't fit them anymore, and those things definitely need to come outta your wardrobe straight away, because otherwise what you're doing is you're opening up the doors, your wardrobe, and you're looking at failure. So put those things in another space. I if it's something where you've, put on weight, you're losing weight, whatever it is, but u until you can reassess those particular pieces, take them out of your wardrobe, because what you wanna do is have pieces in there that are actually working for you. it's really good to try and hang up as much as you can, because if you can see it, You'll wear it. If it's at the back of something, chances are you'll never wear it. And what most women do is they wear, they wear about 20%, 20 or 30% of their wardrobe. So again, if you can kind of hang it up and see it, it's great. Obviously you're only gonna have wardrobes that are right for the weather right now. So anything that's deep winter, you know, spring somewhere, obviously all of those are gone and. What's really good is to put your trousers together, to put your blouses together. Ideally. Color code them is great. Oh my God. I've gotta tell you, I am the world's worst, my husband, I call him Sheldon because he has everything color coded, folded, and I think my wardrobe gives him anxiety I think it would give you anxiety cause I, I just don't think about it. I haven't got time. I just hang'em up and then I'll just pick whatever I want. I don't spend too much time with it. But my husband drove me mad so much. The, he said, right, we're gonna sort out your wardrobe. And so he is done exactly that. Like my trousers are hung up, my shirts hang up, they're all color coded. So now, and I've got, I get myself in a state, I think, oh my God, if I put that in the wrong color, he is gonna freak out. But you know, Marie, I think it's a really invaluable thing to do and fair play to him for, for taking on that job and, and you obviously have a great relationship. Oh yeah. Because that's the kind of thing I've can really cross the line. So, so fair play. The good thing about hanging things up and having trousers together is that you will instantly see you have enough pairs of black trousers. You have it covered. Because very often, what people are doing is they're buying more of the same. And also, if you got things color coded, you can take your shirt out or blouse out and just run that sleeve by the colors in your wardrobe, and you might come up with interesting combinations. You'd never. Thought of before. You don't have to try everything on, but you'll see different color combinations as well, and it just means that you're gonna wear more of what's there than always going with the same thing. The other thing that I think is really important is to consider your personal style. There is an answer to this question because it's about yourself and self-reflection. So the question to ask I think is that you're going to something. It is not the races, it's not a wedding, it's nothing that has a prescribed type of style, but you've made an effort irrespective of what you're actually wearing. How would you like to be described? The words I'll throw out there is that you might opt for glamor, you might opt for elegance. You might go, funky, you might like classic with a twist. You might like feminine, you might like vampy. There's all sorts of words and the advantage of. Having one or two words that describe your style, you can really start to delve into that and, and understand what you mean by it is that everything you buy will fit into your end picture. A as you know better than anyone, Marie, you always need to know what your your goal is. I mean, where, where are we going with our style? Because otherwise you go into a shop and there's influences of the eighties, the nineties, there's color, why are you buying? You're buying and, and if you've got an idea of, hey, you know, as you say, you like classic, that perhaps you might like it with the twist. And the twist may be in your accessory. So you've got something that's really understated, very beautiful, but your personality might come out in the twist. And as say the twist might be the addition of a beautiful scarf in a color, it might be an accessory, a great pair of earrings, but it just means that when you're going shopping, Whatever you're buying, you know exactly how it's going to work together. And so at the end of the day, what you're doing is you're creating looks, you're not wearing clothes, you're actually creating looks, and the more refined an approach you have, the more you'll be able to conceive of. An actual look a and for me, personal style is about clothes that say something about who you are along with things that really work for your shape, your coloring, your complexion. Yeah. Fantastic. Fantastic tips. Thank you so much. I think also for those of people who are working from home, what would you say to them? Just wear something that's like brightly colored Listen, Absolutely. Particularly even if you're going on zooms, I think it's really good. Again, you can have your sweatpants on, on the bottom, not a problem, but wearing something that absolutely is colorful, that has a little bit of print putting on a, pair of earrings, because because people judge, you know, really quickly in that sense. Yeah. And so when you look. Top of your game, you know, IPOing, you are working from home, um, you know, in, in a hybrid sense. And if you are doing business kind of calls that are, that are from home, it's really good for you to look again for yourself and to feel on top of your game and by dressing in that way, it's very simple. And also if you are working in the home again, a bit of color. Uh, totally boost your mood. Whatever makeup you wanna put on, even if it is only putting on concealer or a bit of lipstick just for you will really kind of just lift the spirit. And I think you'll just have a better day I think the great thing about wearing clothes that you feel are really you is that it's about confidence. You're not, second guessing yourself, and again, the effort you're making really is only for yourself. So it's about what value do you put in yourself and what are the habits that you have that really confirm for you, that you put value on yourself. Oh, Kathy, honestly, you've been so good. Thank you so much for your wonderful tips. Pleasure. where can people find you on Instagram? or if they wanna contact you, I, I'm Kathy OC stylist, C A T H Y O C. Kathy Ooc stylist on Instagram and also Marie, just to say, what an amazing woman you are. Similar, when I saw you but in particular when you opened your mouth, not only have I used your product, Which I absolutely love. I mean, I've used, multivitamins. I've been using your oil. I've been using creams on my face. But I just think women like you who have that, that perspective, that expanded perspective on wellbeing are really to be cherished. A and what I mean by that is that. I really admire your commitment to your own education where you have trained yourself in so many different aspects of health and wellbeing, in a really profound way, which is fantastic. And so what you're offering to us is the absolute best of what you know, which is marvelous. And so it's not about, oh, here's the cream. because I know you don't even use the word anti-aging, but it's about a much more holistic approach to health and wellbeing, and I just really admire you as a human being and for your integrity, but honestly for, for what you stand for and that the products that you. Offer us a real reflection of you, your integrity, your commitment to education, and your commitment to giving us really great stuff. So can be honest. I can't tell you how much that means to me because you know, the skincare products and my method isn't really, mainstream norm. And I've come up,, with a lot of challenges. But, this. What I believe, this is what I have found to work. And my passion is to educate and to share my knowledge. So I can't tell you how much that means to me. Thank you so much. That's really kind of you. My pleasure. I'm delighted to be the recipient of all of this Well, thanks again and lovely to speak to you and I hope. Not in too much of the distance future. I'll be coming over to Ireland and meet you all again, so thank you so much. Fantastic. Thank you so much. Bye-bye now.