Good Vibes with Arianna Trapani

Arianna Trapani is a certified Transformational Life coach (EMCC), known as the Courage & Confidence coach, helping women step out of their comfort zone, build confidence and take action towards the life they dream. By using NLP and CBT tools, she will Challenge those limiting beliefs that are not serving them and that are stopping them from moving forwards. It's about Inner transformation that will continue to evolve further on, and help them achieve the results that they strongly desire. 

Arianatrapani.com

Instagram @ariannatrapani

Marie gives an insight into understanding with vibrations and frequencies matter when it comes to your skin and wellbeing. She takes you on a journey of how the environment we surround ourselves in and the people we associate with can impact our mood and health. 

Transcript

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Today I am joined by the glorious, beautiful Ariana Trapani. I've known Ariana now for quite a few years. she came to me, as a client in Fort Number Masons, and I've also recommended quite a few of my clients to her. Ariana is a transformational courage and confidence coach. I'm gonna hand over to you, Ariana, because I think it's better if you explain what you do and what that. Okay. Well, thanks Marie for having me. It's a, it's an honor because I'm, I'm such a big fan of yours, Um, so I'm so happy to be here. Transformational coach. Now it, it's a tricky one cuz many people don't actually know what life coaching is. I would say it's about transformation. It's about real internal transformation and so, Tend to help women become the very best version of themselves. I truly help women to believe in themselves, and that's where I believe that the magic happens when the true self-love is there. I believe it's about looking at what's holding them back, challenging those limiting beliefs that are not serving them. Um, that are stopping them from moving forwards. And we look at the present and we work towards their, their goals, their future goals. And I tend to use, tools including C B T N L P. And like I mentioned, it's about inner transformation. It's about. Working on that, which will evolve further on for them and it will help them to achieve the results that they strongly desire, that they truly want, but what's stopping them is that they just don't believe in themselves and it's helping them looking forward to. Something that they truly want, but they have to figure out what is stopping them. And it's usually their self-confidence and their self-belief. Yeah, self-confidence and self-belief is a huge thing, from women going through all sorts of things, all different ages. And let's start off with young women at the moment. I think there's so much pressure, especially with social media and all the pressures of that. but self-confidence and self-doubt the ability to say, to see the beauty in themselves and know their self worth is so important for, their whole living environment, their connections, their relationships, not only with, their partners, be it female or male or whoever, but also their relationship with their friends, with their family, and also with themselves. Yeah, it really does affect everything that we do in life. Our self-confidence. And I think people believe, you know, self-confidence is something that you're born with and you just have to have it. And it's not true. It's something that you really, really have to build. And like you said, it comes in all different, stages in our lives. You know, there's self confidence. We're talking now about young women and with social media, with what is happening out there. It's such a big, problem in the sense, what everyone is putting out there isn't necessary true, let's say, you know, it's all filtered. And the self-confidence there is something. We believe we need to be like that to be successful. And that's what really, really is the issue here. And I believe that you can really work at it, but it takes time. And it's taking those small steps out of your comfort zone to build the confidence. It's not about having confidence straight away, like, you know, I, I. tomorrow. I'm gonna be confident if I do that. It's really slowly building it. And I guess it's doing those little things, those small steps to help us, come out of our comfort zone. And it takes courage. And I always believe that courage comes before confidence. Yeah. Well, I think that also it comes from Lots of different environmental factors because, you know, you could be in the most loving, nurturing family Yeah. But, but feel rejected and constantly, put back and these, behaviors literally lay down these programming in your brain and these, learned behaviors over time that you actually feel that, that. truly you. Yeah. And then that impacts only your self-confidence in how you look at yourself and how you maybe love yourself, but also your actions in your work, in what you feel that your abilities are. Yeah. And all of those factors come into play, don't they? Yeah, I mean, if I look back when I, when I was younger, I come from a loving family, so I've been really blessed in, in that sense. But, at school, I, I was incredibly shy and I do remember, sometimes people would make comments about how skinny I was, and those are little things that sometimes do stick with you growing up also, being very shy. I was never the loud one, in the classroom. And so I always, I had this sensitivity that I always felt even when growing up as a teen and then after, you know, graduating and working. I still felt that the sensitivity was misunderstood. And there was always this programming that, you had to be strong, you had to be loud, you had to be not sensitive. I once had someone saying, gross some balls or something mm-hmm. And I was made to believe that there was something wrong with me cuz I was sensitive, I was empathic and. you're programmed to really believe that you're programmed to really not have that self-confidence. And I didn't like the way I look., all those things that I think can be really common growing up and it's very hard to. Break away from that. Yeah, personally, I grew up with a very alpha Mao family. Mm-hmm. my, my dad, um, is sort of like, he was over six foot tall. My brothers are over six foot tall, big, big man. I very, very Alpha ma. And I was. a willow, the wisp of the family. You know, I was sort of like just floating around, and I was always very, very sensitive and, I was bullied when I was at school. I was bullied really, really bad. I, I remember I was held down and beaten up really badly when I was about 14, and it was horr. And, a lot of people think that I'm really confident. And I suppose I am now, but that has been born through a lot of trauma. And I think the catalyst for me was when, my ex-husband left us. I had to go through a big court case with him I also had to go through a court case with, with the company that I used to work for. And I remember sitting there crying and constantly crying. And Olivia came up to me with a, with a tissue and she was only about three. And she said, put your tears away, mommy. And I think from that point, I thought, what am I showing my daughter? Oh wow. What am I showing my daughter? And that was the catalyst. Mm. Oh God, I'm getting emotional. that was the catalyst. Then I thought, well, if I allow Olivia to see that it's acceptable for people to verbally bully me even when, I was going through the court case with the, this company that I work for, it was really scary because they were paying my mortgage. You know, I was keeping a roof over my daughter's head, but I. if you give into these fears all of the time. Yeah. Which a lot of it is in your head. Mm-hmm. then you'll never progress to doing things. And that's why, I wrote the non-emotional contract because it's all about putting things in a logical format. Mm-hmm. not allowing them to stay in your head and. Um, I just thought, this is wrong. And I took that company to call and I won my court case and it was really hard. It was over five days and all of the people that I thought that were gonna be there for me, my peers, they shut down. Then all of a sudden I was. without a job. All of my peers had shut the iron curtain, so I couldn't actually re reach out to them. I didn't know what to do, and that's when, and I just thought, right, okay, I'm just gonna sell my house, move in with my parents and start my business. Mm-hmm. I'm not saying that's the easiest thing to do. It wasn't because, no. You know, it could have been very irresponsible having a child. But I think all of these things comes from overthinking, these thes. Mm-hmm. overthinking these anxieties. and I have different techniques. So talk about the couple of the techniques that you mentioned, what they mean, because our listeners might not know what they mean well, I mean, it was interesting now listening to you. again, you know, there's a saying that life is, um, 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react. Yeah, exactly. And that's just such a case and. Everything you went through, it built resilience and it's made you so much stronger. You know who you are today is because of everything that's happened. So, you know, kudos to you. Cause how you acted is pretty amazing. And when I talk about techniques, it's literally life coaching is, it's not me like telling you what you should do. Cause it's not about giving you the solution. It's about really digging deep. And so we asked uncomfortable questions. You are the one that comes out with the solution. You figure it out. But there's so much, self-development in there. There's so much digging. There's so much going internally and realizing the self-development inside of you, and you go away really thinking about your life. You know, you're the decisions you've made. and it's such a reflective journey. Sometimes we look at the present, but sometimes there have been certain events that you remember. So visually, like a, you know, when we touch on with N L P, you remember these traumas? For our listeners, what does N L P stand for? Neurolinguistic programming. Which is really interesting. Sometimes, when we have that, that feeling inside of our stomach, when something is mentioned and usually it brings us back to an event or something that has happened to us previously. And when you think of that moment, you recall all of these feelings, the anxiety, that feeling in your stomach and you vividly remember it. Something I always ask my clients is, what would you say now to that young person that went through that, what are the lessons you've learned? Mm-hmm. And sometimes in those moments, you can see the client actually, A light bulb moment. Yeah. And everything they've learned because the problem is a lot of us we don't give ourselves any merit. We don't sit there and pat ourselves on the back and say, you know, I'm really proud of this, of what I've done. We just carry on. We don't celebrate our wins. And I think if we take a moment to. be grateful because that's a really important part, is gratitude to really sit down and say, no, I'm so grateful. Even though this is not happening the way I want it to, I'm actually grateful for what's happening right now in my life. The small things, you know, the really simple things, and then patting ourselves on the back for saying, I'm actually really proud that I did this, or, I'm really happy this happened and. we should be celebrating our wins. And I think that really helps, but we don't give ourselves credit enough. No, no. But I, must say, I have always thought in my life, that things happen for a season, a reason or a lifetime. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And, also, it's not a case of No. It's either yes, not right now, or there's something better for you. Yeah. And I've always stuck by those things and I've always found that that's navigated me through my life. Yeah, no, I totally agree with you. I'm a bit like that as well. I'm always one of those people that I see the glass half full. Yeah. Well, you know, my husband's very much the opposite. Yeah. so this is Same here, and he just thinks, oh, you live in la la land? I'm like, no, I've just try. and always think that, if that didn't work out, maybe there's a reason. Maybe we can learn from it. I really, really believe that. And I, I do practice gratitude a lot, and it really has helped me, as you know, my father passed away not long ago, hasn't even been three weeks yet. And even though I'm going through this heart, I sit back and I'm so grateful, that I've had a loving father in my life because I know not many people get that chance. No. And so I look at that and I'm filled with gratitude. I'm filled with beautiful memories and. I'm, I'm blessed that I've had that in my life, so I always tend to look at the positive, even though when I'm going through a tough time. Yeah. And I think you can learn so much from that. Yeah. Children dip in and out of grief like puddles, but adults weighed through it. And it's like you say, you have to be grateful and thankful for the things that they've provided for you and given you. And, it is hard. I know a lot of women that we're talking about younger women, but also, you know, the demographic. Women going through all sorts of changes. Mm-hmm. and a lot of them been through either life changes or either divorce or, setting up new businesses or doing things like that. And I know, one client in particular, obviously we're not gonna name names, I've actually seen the transformation before my eyes. When she's posting on Instagram from what she was to, to what she's now, and it's just so beautiful to see that. And that self-love, it's so lovely those things have been banded about and a lot of us think, oh God, you're not allowed to say that you love yourself or you're not allowed to say that you've done really well you shy back from that. So it's really lovely to see that these women are literally banging their own drums and, and. I know exactly who you're talking about and I've noticed the change and it's been amazing seeing her. I was like, wow. She's like so sassy now. I love her. I know, I know. It's so true though. Us women, if we go on about, how we love ourselves, it's seen as arrogant. Yeah. And I, and I hate that because loving yourself is so much more, it's not just about looks, it goes way deep and we tend to believe that it's selfish. Mm-hmm. you know, we don't dedicate time to ourselves. And self-love, like I said, goes so much deeper than looks. It's about Being comfortable who you are, you know, appreciating like your flaws and, and your strengths. It's appreciate yourself as a whole. And I think that's really important that we celebrate that. Yeah. And also with women in particular, especially if they look at themselves, they always look at the floors. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Always looking at what doesn't look right or yeah, what doesn't, sit right or I don't like looking at myself or Yeah. And I'm also very, very conscious when I talk to my clients, I always say, be careful what you. Mm. Because self prophesizing is so powerful. Oh, really powerful. What you think and say about yourself is so powerful. And then we're programmed into really believing that. So sometimes with my clients, I get them to journal, or I get them into the habit. Of like leaving, Written notes around saying, really positive so usually it's near a mirror, sometimes so they get into the habit of reading something positive about themselves because they get into the habit of always saying something negative and then you truly believe that. Yeah. we know that. what you believe and say, then they transform into thoughts and then into feelings. Yeah. And then into actions, which is all negative if it's always constant negative thoughts. So that's really, really important. And it's interesting cause it comes in all ages. It's not just, young women, it's also women as they get older. Every age it happens. And I was someone that was very. With myself, I was such a perfectionist. Everything had to be perfect and I didn't particularly like what I saw. And it's funny now that I'm older, cuz if I look back, I look at pictures, I say A actually I didn't look that bad. But as I'm older, I'm so much more comfortable in my own skin and that. I don't actually care what people think I love myself, but in the sense that I don't think I'm perfect. And that's great. Yeah. Especially going through the menopause mm-hmm. you get this sense that you're sort of like now aging and seeing aging as such a negative thing and that your, opinion isn't worthwhile I mean, I'm not back quitting, coming forward as people would tell you. I just, I say what I, I'll say how it is I think as long as you can put your head on your pillow at night, knowing that you have never intentionally hurt anyone mm-hmm. and that you've done the best that you can by your peers and your loved ones, because it's also really important to speak up if you're not happy with things. Yeah. And having the confidence to say, Actually, I don't agree with that. I always talk about the unwanted gift. If there's somebody that you love or there's some people around you that are, kind or, you know, maybe your boss or your, or your brothers or sisters or whoever, if they're saying things in a negative toxic way. and you take that on board, you are actually taking the unwanted gift. Yeah. And I always say, imagine that they're giving you a beautiful gift if he was to open that gift, that green smoke will enter all your pores and make you feel ill. So you just say, I'm sorry, that's a gift I'm not going to take. I'm not gonna accept that gift. It stops'em in their tracks. I've used it later times. That's a good one. But it's having that confidence everything we do comes down to confidence with ourselves. Yeah. It's having that confidence to say, But I think also people think that if they say no, they're going to offend the other person. Yeah. And they're worried about that offensive reaction. Mm-hmm. rather than say, I'm sorry, I don't agree with that, but that's fine. You know, you can say anything with a smile. Exactly. You know, it's just delivery. It's the delivery in it. Yeah. It's, it's hard. Some people do find it hard to say no, and it's important. It's about setting up boundaries. Yeah. For saving themselves their space. Yeah. And sometimes, people, find it hard to say no, like you say. Cause they think they're gonna offend. but then in the long run they're doing harm to themselves. So if you can just say, no thanks, yeah, then that's it. That's it. As a mom as well, I worry about Olivia constantly. She's 24 now and she's got her own little life. And It's been really hard for me to, because for many, many years it was me and her. I always call her my cub, but even though she's 24, she's 25 this year, and I've had to do a lot of work on myself to give her her boundaries, where I was phoning her up every day. Are you okay? You all right? I've had to stop and sit back and appreciate that actually. She's not my little girl. She's a young woman that's got her own life, you know? And that then has given me huge anxieties because I then go into the grief of the child that I miss I still think of her as a little girl, but I've also got a respect that actually she just passes through me as a mum. I've just gotta be there. As a support network when she needs me, but it is really, really hard. So, that has given me loads of anxiety. But sometimes, actually that's not the case. No, I mean, I think you'll always see her as, as your little girl. I think that's normal. but the fact that you took her on board, you realized how you, were reacting and you realized what you were feeling and you said, look, I need to do something about it. Yeah. Which is the hardest thing to do. but you kind of took it on board and I think in the long run it's obviously gonna be really beneficial for, for both of you. It is hard., I think as women we really beat ourselves up going through the stages. When you are growing up and you're trying to fit in society, then when you're a young woman, you have this pressure to fit in, in the way you look, in the way you act. Yeah. Even being part of a conversation. Sometimes women don't feel confident enough to be able to be part of that conversation. And then when you have children, you are completely overwhelmed with this sense of responsibility and beating yourself up, whether you are being the perfect mom or the perfect wife, or the perfect girlfriend or the perfect partner. Yeah. then when the kids grow up and leave home, it's all of that pressure. And then going through medical, I mean, it's, it really is. Shit show sometimes it re it really is, I mean, us women go through so much, so much and we're judged on so much. It starts from such a, a young age as well. The more we navigate getting older as well, it is hard for us women. Yeah. We have so many hats also to wear and we are expected to react in a certain way on so many levels. So. It's not easy, I tell you that I'm 50 52 next week, and I think the most powerful thing for me is really just concentrating on your own little bubble. Mm of your own little network. not worrying about outside influences, especially people that don't have an impact or don't invest in your own happiness. Yeah. And really don't worry about it. I really don't care now. I know my body has changed through going through the menopause. Mm-hmm. I will strip off an naked and go in the sea. I love it. I just don't care because life is too short. It is. It really is. Yeah. And you've got to. Every moment of happiness where you can, yeah, I really, really believe that. And everything we do, you know, from what we read, from what we watch, who we hang out with, it influences us. So I'm a true believer of having your core people around you, listening to things that make you feel good, reading things that make you feel good. In the last few years, I would say I've broken, relationships that weren't doing me any good, Yeah. I've broken down those, toxic, relationships, people that I just knew didn't have anything, no interest in me whatsoever in my good. So, and it's just so much better. You feel lighter, freer, but When you are in it, you can't see it, can you? No. I was in a. Toxic relationship. I look back and I would go through all of that again to get my livi. I would mm-hmm. I'd go through it all again in a heartbeat to get my Liv. However, I look back now and I think, oh my God, I can't believe I put up with that. I can't believe that I went through that. I can't believe I allowed that human being to say such negative, awful things to me. When I look back at my younger self, and it is heartbreaking if I sat and really thought about it, I, could sit there crying, but I actually also believe that. You have to have darkened shade to create a beautiful tapestry. Mm-hmm. But you are able to change your Yeah. Destiny or create the picture that you want. Mm-hmm. When you find that inner strength, so what, what tips would you give somebody if they're in a situation where they really feel desperate that they can't see the wood for the trees? Because it's not an external thing, is it? No, it's an internal thing. It's, it's a complicated one. Cause it really does take time. And I've had clients, come to me. it looked really bad, you know? And it has been a gradual journey and we usually, it takes about three months, some clients it can take even longer, but usually three months you get good results. But it's learning to listen to yourself. It's learning to. Start that self-love journey, that relationship with yourself. And that is really hard, especially if you, you've never done that before. Yeah. You, haven't been kind to yourself. A lot of people come and they want results straight away. And I'm like, look, we're taking it one day at a time. It's gonna be baby steps. Those small steps. And we learn to see what works for them. Sometimes people haven't been taking self self-care that seriously. They might start exercising, they might start walking, they might start journaling, doing those small little steps and I have a lot of tools in the sense, like. Diary or notes where they sit down, they really reflect. I get them into a habit every day, reflecting every week, being accountable and it's, self-confidence. It really does take time and it is really feel the fear and do it anyway. have the courage to take those baby steps out of your comfort zone. And that's what builds confidence. And there's no like one. It's a self explorative Yeah. Journey that we work together and, and I ask certain questions like we go really deep. Mm-hmm. And, it's about them rediscovering themselves and trying to break that, mental programming. that they've been used to till now. And that's the thing that's really important to understand. We're only born with two fears, and that's a fear of falling and the fear of noise. Mm-hmm. Every single thing else is learned behavior. Yeah. So it can be unprogrammed, but it does take time. Yeah. One of the things that I say to Olivia when she's, you know, when she's having a bit of a bad time, is get the picture. Of you as a baby, or you as a child when you're about three or four years of age, put it on the mirror and talk to her every day. Talk to her every day. Mm-hmm. And, I think that's quite powerful because when you take yourself and you look at yourself as, that child, that inner child Yeah. Or you know, as RuPaul says, which you are, love that inner saboteur because that negative thinking, you know, that's, that's so true. We all, we all have it, don't we? So, yeah. And the thing is, We can't control what happens around us. You know, unfortunately, life will throw us all sorts, but we can control our thoughts. Yeah. That's the one thing we can do. And, and we just need to work on that. And I think we take it for granted, but if we really work on what we think. Then it's gonna change the way we feel about ourselves. And that's what life coaching is about, is really working on that. And I see results all the time. you can do it. You have to put in the work. Yeah. You have to come to me and say, look, you know, I'm taking this seriously. I really want to work on myself because it's not just me with a magic wand. We have to work at it together. I give you the tools that help you to really navigate this, this self discovery journey. You have to do the work. And most of the people that come to me, they come to me when they want to invest and really work on themselves. And that's where you see results. Yeah. Even though you are in Italy, you actually do these Zoom consultations. Yeah. And you check in all the time and time. I know that you've helped quite a few of my clients, so tell the listeners if they want to reach out to you, where do they find you on your social media and what is your website, what your contact details. Okay, so my website is ariana trapani.com. but you can also, find me on Instagram. I'm always there and it's at, Ariana dot Trapani I am always happy to respond to private messages to any questions that people may have. And I do offer a half an hour free discovery call for anyone that wants to know more about life coaching. I'm happy to do that because life coaching is something very hard to describe. It, it's amazing the results that you can achieve. Yeah, and I believe in, report in the sense that, we need to have that chemistry call in the sense that, you know, I'm not for everyone and that's fine, but I do believe that we need to get to know each other before we embark on this relationship. Because if you don't have that, Chemistry then it's not gonna work. And that's really important. Cause they have to open up. They have to feel safe. And that's where life coaching really works. Yeah. And also more importantly, they have to commit because yes. This is what I say to a lot of my clients, there's no point in you even beginning this if you are not ready, willing, or able Yeah. To commit to the program. and that's the scary. because I've had clients that have come to me after a year that they've been in contact with me and they've been thinking about it, but they've been very scared because, you know, investing in yourself is very, very scary. It's something that many do want, but they're too scared. Yeah. Once they're ready. It's, it's about committing. And if you really commit a hundred percent, then these results are gonna help you the rest of your life. Yeah. And remember, you know, fear is, is born from something that hasn't even happened yet, or usually doesn't even exist. Yeah yeah. Imposter syndrome, it's exactly that. You know, we, we spend our time worrying so much on things that 90% of the time will never actually happen. No. That's right. I think imposter syndrome, we all have that. The one thing that I do which has been invaluable for me, is on these social media sites, I unfollow people that are either giving me a negative outlook or making me feel just one ssy bit negative. Mm oh. Will unfollow them. I'll mute. Yeah. So that I don't have to see them. Yeah. So you can still do it and protect yourself without mm-hmm. feeling that you're being horrible to someone. Yeah. And it, and it's such a common one, I guess, so many clients say to me, you know, I'm hating Instagram at the moment. Yeah. But you can control what you see. Yeah, exactly. I do it all the time. If it helps you, then I always say do it, because again, it's about what we surround ourselves with that makes all the difference. If it's something that's not making you feel good, then don't put up with it. Ariana, it's such, a blessing to have you on and, I urge anyone who's feeling in a sort of funk or feeling a certain way, lack of confidence, lack of. Self-esteem has got that inner saboteur going reach out to Ariana. I know that she has been invaluable to my clients. I see their stories I, am blessed to, know you and thank you very much for your time and hopefully, and I'll list all of your social medias on the podcast as well. Thank you so much, Marie. It, it's been amazing. I'm totally enjoyed it. Thank you so much. You're welcome.