In this video, I'm talking with Larry about why you should stop drinking. Larry is a recovering alcoholic and he has a lot of valuable advice to share with you about why you should stop drinking and how to get started on the road to recovery.
If you're drinking alcohol because you think it will make you happy, you're wrong. alcohol is a depressant, and it will eventually take away the happiness and joy from your life. If you're looking for ways to improve your life, stop drinking and start recovering!
To watch go to https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCN2HkhKyzBkNzgtrmH95HqQ or go to https://www.recoverycheckins.com for more info.
In this video, I'm talking with Larry about why you should stop drinking. Larry is a recovering alcoholic and he has a lot of valuable advice to share with you about why you should stop drinking and how to get started on the road to recovery.
If you're drinking alcohol because you think it will make you happy, you're wrong. alcohol is a depressant, and it will eventually take away the happiness and joy from your life. If you're looking for ways to improve your life, stop drinking and start recovering!
To watch go to https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCN2HkhKyzBkNzgtrmH95HqQ or go to https://www.recoverycheckins.com for more info.
00;06;05;17 - 00;06;06;26
Sam
Thank God for this app.
00;06;07;04 - 00;06;08;25
Raymell
I know, right? It comes in clutch.
00;06;09;00 - 00;06;11;02
Sam
Yeah, I use. I am sober.
00;06;11;09 - 00;06;19;23
Raymell
I also use. I am sober. I'm a little over a I've got a couple of grand saved, too, so that's always nice to see. Oh, I.
00;06;19;23 - 00;06;20;18
Sam
Know. She's a.
00;06;20;18 - 00;06;22;01
Raymell
Money. Check your savings.
00;06;22;11 - 00;06;22;22
Sam
Yeah.
00;06;23;00 - 00;06;24;21
Larry
299. Sound about right.
00;06;25;14 - 00;06;28;18
Sam
Wow. Tomorrow's the big 300.
00;06;28;18 - 00;06;30;11
Raymell
Yeah, that's huge right there.
00;06;30;12 - 00;06;32;03
Larry
Yeah. I try not to think about those too much.
00;06;32;11 - 00;06;36;19
Raymell
Right. Yeah. Those milestones can get there. You know, you don't get too hung up on them.
00;06;36;28 - 00;06;44;18
Sam
Yeah, Yeah, it's. It's not so. That's what I told these Lisa. I can say her name because she's coming in next week.
00;06;44;22 - 00;06;45;15
Raymell
Mm. Oh, good.
00;06;45;17 - 00;07;14;28
Sam
She'll be coming on. But, uh, when I first went in to see her, she said, You better know. Or she said, What day? And I was like, I've, you know, a week or whatever, because at the time either are already gone into, um, to a uh, detox and all that. And so, um, by the time I got there was about seven days in and she was like, You better remember your days because we're going to ask you, we're always gonna ask you, you know, your day.
00;07;14;28 - 00;07;28;27
Sam
So I'm like, okay, yeah, you know, but I didn't want because I had so many relapses. Yeah, that is just kind of like, what? What's, you know, I never thought I would make it. I met 293, and every time that I would get, I would get to that.
00;07;29;09 - 00;07;35;17
Raymell
As a right there on the rise together. Huh? So where are you both in time? Um, 146.
00;07;35;23 - 00;07;36;05
Sam
Right on.
00;07;36;12 - 00;07;39;26
Raymell
Hopefully I'll never, ever catch you, gentlemen. I'll be okay with that. Yeah.
00;07;41;03 - 00;07;43;17
Sam
I hope you don't either.
00;07;43;17 - 00;07;46;04
Raymell
Or I never want to catch anybody.
00;07;46;29 - 00;07;55;07
Sam
So you want to do a quick check in? How are you doing? Just basically, you know, no particular topic unless you have something you want to get off your chest, that's fine, too.
00;07;55;25 - 00;08;26;23
Larry
Now, uh, Larry, I'm in recovery. Been sober for 299 days. Uh, today, Um, things are going really well for me. Um, you know what brought me to, uh, seek help? I was, uh. You know, I knew that it was overwhelming. I knew that I. I couldn't, uh, couldn't stop on my own. And so, uh, obviously it was affecting my family that it affects everybody around.
00;08;26;23 - 00;08;31;16
Larry
And so and that's when I realized I need to do something about it.
00;08;31;16 - 00;08;57;24
Sam
Yeah. Yeah, that's, uh, it's amazing how much we don't think we're affected. You know, when you're in it, you're thinking, Oh, it's. I can drink. It's just. It's just affecting me. You know it. I'm only one drink, and I'm fine. I'm not doing anything stupid. All right? You know, you're not. You don't think you are anyways. And then you realize, you know, when in hindsight, you're like, Man, I can't believe I did this.
00;08;57;24 - 00;09;09;28
Sam
I can't believe I did that, you know? So it's. Yeah, it it really does affect your inner circle and the people around you. So you grew up here in Bakersfield now route?
00;09;09;29 - 00;09;31;00
Larry
No, I, uh, was a military brat. Oh, yeah. My father was a career Air Force man, and so we moved around a bit. I got here. The longest place I stayed was, uh, in Germany for five years when I was a little guy. And that was. I wish I was a little bit older, but I was, uh, 5 to 10 or something like 6 to 11, something like that.
00;09;31;05 - 00;09;32;06
Sam
Where were you born?
00;09;32;14 - 00;09;53;24
Larry
Texas. Texas. So we bounced around a bit. Uh, landed. We landed. My dad retired. We landed in Bakersfield at, uh, when I was 12. So I started junior high here as a big, big adjustment in the military. You know, you go to you bounce around and you kids and families, you know, you just pick up like it's like like nothing because you're used to moving around.
00;09;54;06 - 00;10;13;05
Larry
When I got here to Bakersfield, started seventh grade and how most of the kids knew each other since they were little guys, you know, and so it was tough, the tough for a good year, year and a half, my year or two years. But eighth grade is when I will be 30. When I started clicking with other people, I mean, I had some friends, but not that close because they had their circle.
00;10;13;10 - 00;10;16;29
Larry
And, you know, I understand that I'd never been around that before. But yeah.
00;10;17;10 - 00;10;18;13
Sam
Do you have brothers or sisters?
00;10;18;21 - 00;10;33;04
Larry
They're older. Uh huh. I had a younger, younger sister. She passed away. But, uh, she started she got here when she was young, so it didn't affect her as much. It affected my older brother and sister. Uh, they started we got here when they were in high school, and it was pretty tough on them, too.
00;10;33;04 - 00;10;36;17
Sam
Yeah. Yeah, that Air Force. Air Force.
00;10;36;22 - 00;10;37;16
Larry
Air Force? Yeah. Yeah.
00;10;37;19 - 00;10;39;07
Sam
My wife's Air Force brat, too.
00;10;39;07 - 00;10;39;27
Larry
Uh huh.
00;10;39;27 - 00;10;41;11
Sam
She was born in Korea.
00;10;41;12 - 00;10;41;23
Larry
Oh, yeah.
00;10;42;04 - 00;10;49;27
Sam
And lived in Germany. Um, and a couple of other places, but yeah, same thing.
00;10;50;13 - 00;11;01;24
Larry
It was a good experience as a, as a kid. Uh, I mean, they, I would say I myself, I was in the Marine Corps for high school, but, uh, my dad curse me for doing.
00;11;01;24 - 00;11;06;01
Raymell
That bad just because he wanted to go the Air Force. Oh, yeah, Yeah.
00;11;06;05 - 00;11;20;14
Larry
But, um, I would say the Air Force was probably probably one of the better branches for a family. Well, if you're gonna make a career out of military, I would say Air Force Navy is good also. But they were out quite a bit.
00;11;20;16 - 00;11;29;04
Raymell
I've got the Navy. The Navy lineage in my family. Yeah. It seems like everybody in the Air Force ends up in Germany. Yeah, it's. It seems like that's the way that.
00;11;29;04 - 00;11;29;26
Sam
Good main base.
00;11;29;29 - 00;11;44;09
Larry
Yeah, they are. They have, uh, yeah, where I was in Ramstein, which is the naval base. And in that, that I was a little guy, I didn't really I knew was big. But then I, in hindsight, I started looking it up a little bit. And it's a huge base, right? Huge base.
00;11;44;09 - 00;11;45;07
Raymell
The whole community, right?
00;11;45;07 - 00;12;08;04
Larry
Oh, yeah. Um, huge base. And we because it was a naval base, we had a lot of different countries there, military there. Um, we left right after we left in 72. My dad wanted to stay there. He had about three more years before retirement. He wanted to stay there, retire from there, obviously come back to the States. But, uh, it was right after the 70 Munich Olympics when those terrorists.
00;12;08;04 - 00;12;10;04
Sam
Yeah, when they when they took the.
00;12;10;05 - 00;12;22;28
Larry
And so they had said they were going to attack a naval base. And my dad said now we could see the base. We went, the whole base went on lockdown right after that or during that. And it stayed that way. We used to be able to run out in the forest, out of the town and but they stopped all that.
00;12;22;28 - 00;12;25;07
Larry
So my dad said that he'd go back to the States.
00;12;25;08 - 00;12;28;27
Raymell
It just wasn't safe. I'm sure. No, you got to take threats like that seriously. Yeah.
00;12;29;12 - 00;12;37;21
Larry
You back to the States. And it was a lot of social unrest here, too, though. That's very true. Um, yeah, it was. It was a good experience up until that point.
00;12;38;01 - 00;12;50;18
Sam
Yeah. Yeah, the, the the airforce, you know, my my father in law still, still will go to base.
00;12;50;25 - 00;12;51;06
Larry
Area.
00;12;51;10 - 00;12;57;28
Sam
And still go on and stuff like that, Uh, their commissary or whatever. Yeah.
00;12;58;05 - 00;13;01;06
Larry
We, we did that for a number of years and then when my dad was still alive. Yeah.
00;13;01;06 - 00;13;04;25
Raymell
Really love commissary trips. You go to Edwards?
00;13;05;06 - 00;13;06;00
Larry
Exactly. Yeah.
00;13;06;01 - 00;13;07;10
Raymell
Yeah. Good times.
00;13;07;18 - 00;13;32;05
Sam
Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah, I've been. I've been a couple times with them, but, um, yeah, that's the that, uh. What age did you. Did you, you were introduced to alcohol early at 18, but you probably were doing okay with it until late age, you know.
00;13;32;28 - 00;13;52;11
Larry
Has a lot of, you know, kids. I experimented when I was in high school. Nothing major, though, like parties. Every once in a while, Uh, 18. When I was in the Marine Corps. I mean, they just. It was all over the place at 18 and all. You can buy alcohol on base, right? And, you know, it's kind of like they promoted it, you know, you know, it was this macho thing.
00;13;52;11 - 00;14;15;06
Larry
You know, you got to be mean, tough and drink. Okay. So, you know, I would I look back and I think that, you know, not to blame the military. It's just the cultures the way it was. Um, I look back and that was probably where I kind of started it. You know, I had my ups and downs. I think, uh, military kind of kicked it off a little bit, you know?
00;14;15;06 - 00;14;34;03
Larry
And then I, I started my career after I got out, started going to school. And so I, you know, I had peaks and valleys, but, uh, I when it really, when I really knew I started having a problem as well was when I got sick. I got sick. That was about, uh, five years ago I knew was getting out of hand before then.
00;14;34;28 - 00;14;40;07
Larry
But I always, in my mind, I always said as maybe with. Yeah, tomorrow.
00;14;40;16 - 00;14;41;02
Raymell
Tomorrow.
00;14;41;02 - 00;15;01;23
Larry
Yeah. Tomorrow never came. Yeah, well, it did, but, uh, I always it was always in my head. I, you know, I'll stop tomorrow. Right. But, uh, that's just not the case. And until I, you know, knew how much it was damaging my family and myself. Yeah.
00;15;01;23 - 00;15;30;14
Sam
Yeah, I was the same way. Uh, my my health was. Was, uh, you know, not as bad as some, um, but worse than some, for sure. You know, I, um. I had my own battles with it, and forever, you know, just didn't want to quit. I just didn't want to, you know? And I always thought the job was the problem or, you know, um, this.
00;15;30;14 - 00;15;39;07
Sam
And that was the problem. It was always outside. It was never, you know, alcohol. And then, you know, No, it was, it was the definitely the alcohol.
00;15;39;07 - 00;15;39;16
Larry
Yeah.
00;15;39;25 - 00;16;10;25
Sam
And you know, just the abusive nature with it, you know, the constant, the control that it had over me that like, you know, make you do some, some dumb stuff and then just, you know, waking up and that's what you're thinking about your plans. Everything revolves around it, you know? It's just it's just crazy. Um, so about five years ago, when you how how sick were you?
00;16;10;25 - 00;16;15;05
Sam
The doctor just told you you you were getting. You were getting there fast.
00;16;15;11 - 00;16;32;26
Larry
I was getting there fast. So fast that, uh, I got sick one day, called my doctor, said, Hey, something's not right. So I said, Come on and see me. I haven't seen this doctor for a while, and I still see him take the blood test. The next day he called me and he said, Come on and see me.
00;16;32;26 - 00;16;33;16
Larry
Bring life.
00;16;34;06 - 00;16;34;17
Raymell
No.
00;16;34;29 - 00;16;56;14
Larry
Think something was bad then, you know. So I went in and he said, Uh, you need to go see this doctor. Um, so he sent me to Specialist. He says he's ready to see you now thing. So we went that, that right away. And, and I seen that, that doctor specialist and he said, um, they're waiting for you at the hospital.
00;16;57;07 - 00;16;57;16
Sam
Oh.
00;16;57;27 - 00;17;17;26
Larry
So I went to the hospital and I stayed there for a few days. I think he was about three or four days. Um, and, you know, I've been going ever since. You know, they, they could, they continue to, you know, check up on me. I, you know, I have appointments all the time. I had some kind of allergic reaction when they did some work on me.
00;17;17;29 - 00;17;38;16
Larry
They did what's called banding. My esophagus is bleeding. So they go in there, some banding. I had this allergic reaction where I my esophagus just swole up and they had to incubate me. And and the doctor says, you know, it's very, very rare. So they sent me down to UCLA to specialist. So that's where I go now. Uh, I go once a year, they do checkup and then I.
00;17;38;16 - 00;17;48;02
Larry
But I have a local, local doctor here. But, um, it yeah, it's a you know, I, I didn't, I didn't realize it was. It was that bad.
00;17;48;09 - 00;17;53;10
Raymell
Is it a is it a liver thing. Yeah. Like, is that what it. Yeah. That's what it gets too. Same for you, Sam.
00;17;53;19 - 00;18;17;02
Sam
Yeah. I had picked your Titus. It was a pancreas is a pancreas. Yeah, that was, uh, real bad pain at the top of my chest. Like it felt like stomach pain right there. Constipation. But it was high. It was, like, about here, and it was real tight and, like, it would. I mean, it hurt really bad. Um, you know, and I was.
00;18;17;16 - 00;18;22;09
Sam
I fought it for a couple of days thinking I'd just go, I just need another drink.
00;18;22;20 - 00;18;26;14
Raymell
Right? And then we get a little older. We had something that'll just go.
00;18;26;14 - 00;18;47;14
Sam
Yeah, it doesn't, you know. So I end up, uh, same thing going to the, uh, well, I went to the hospital and they, they said we're going to keep you, you know. Yeah. And yeah, you know, so and then they just stopped me and IVs, you know, the, the, the thing is, is talking about affecting your, your family.
00;18;48;15 - 00;18;56;13
Sam
When I was in there, um, I didn't know I was in ICU until I got out. Mm.
00;18;57;07 - 00;18;58;02
Raymell
You just thought your.
00;18;58;02 - 00;19;21;04
Sam
And I thought I was just, you know, regular old, you know, And I was in the emergency room. Yeah, but it was, uh. This was it. Right at the peak, 2020, COVID. And so they had, um, left me in the emergency room. They said, Look, you got it. You're going to have to stay here because we we, we don't have any room anywhere else, you know?
00;19;21;11 - 00;19;50;08
Sam
So I was in there and, um, you know, and I just thought I was just in the emergency room because they didn't have any more room for me. Well, turns out that they needed the ICU for me to be. They needed me to be monitored constantly. So I guess. And, you know, I didn't really, you know, I got I got home and my wife was upset and obviously, you know, and then but she was even more upset because I, you know, scared her.
00;19;50;10 - 00;19;51;03
Larry
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
00;19;51;03 - 00;20;02;13
Sam
Scared her. Scared my parents scared her. And, um, you know, that's when I realized because when I was in there, I was I was like, I'm, you know, I'm sleeping.
00;20;02;13 - 00;20;05;19
Raymell
Good, but, you know, because you to take these for.
00;20;05;20 - 00;20;22;26
Sam
Yeah, yeah, I'm feeling better, you know, I'm, you know, just, uh, you know, I didn't, I didn't feel at all like I was ever going to to like I was like I was real bad. I never, never felt that until after I got home.
00;20;23;08 - 00;20;23;26
Raymell
And was then I.
00;20;23;26 - 00;20;24;11
Sam
Realized.
00;20;24;11 - 00;20;39;06
Raymell
It was at the end of the road. Was that when it. That wasn't right? No. Okay. And that was the end of the road for you, Larry? No, not a classic, classic story about us in these rooms. Right. Takes takes a whole lot to knock us off of our behavior.
00;20;39;23 - 00;21;00;27
Larry
You know, I had I had the doctor tell me you're going to die. You know, if you don't, you don't take it. And for some reason, they I think out of all the doctors I've seen, they don't really say to stop drinking or they just tell you what could happen. You know, And and then another doctor asked me, Are you still drinking?
00;21;00;28 - 00;21;12;01
Larry
Are you doing this? Then my primary, you know, you know, kind of hint around, you know, what could happen, Larry? I said, yeah, I, I realize that, but I don't know if it's an ethical thing for them or not, cause I always I thought, why? Why don't they just say.
00;21;12;02 - 00;21;29;19
Sam
Know, my doctors told me this. My doctors? Yeah. My doctors were very adamant about me quitting because they said, if you don't, you there's going to be, there's going to come a point in time where there's nothing we could do. Yeah. You know, you're just going to have to. You're going to damage your liver beyond on the point of.
00;21;30;16 - 00;21;31;05
Raymell
No return.
00;21;31;05 - 00;21;44;23
Sam
Of return, you know. Right. Um, it's just, it's we're constantly like, at least for me, my experience, I was comparing myself to other people. I don't feel as much as.
00;21;45;27 - 00;21;46;08
Larry
I.
00;21;46;08 - 00;21;50;17
Sam
Did. I wasn't, you know, I mean, this guy doesn't have liver problems.
00;21;50;18 - 00;21;50;22
Raymell
Yeah.
00;21;51;10 - 00;22;08;24
Sam
I don't know that, but, you know, because. Yeah, because I'm not his doctor. Don't know that I'm thinking, you know, this guy is fine, you know, and. And maybe he is, um, but, you know, I, I used to compare myself in that way to. To other other drinkers.
00;22;08;28 - 00;22;31;00
Larry
Yeah. Very common. The first, um, therapist that I went to see after I got to the hospital, I needed to get some help. Um, you know, I looked him up on our insurance and the funds person that I thought would be pretty good. Well, he he was. He was good, but, you know, he wasn't really a substance abuse counselor, therapist.
00;22;31;00 - 00;22;50;01
Larry
And, um, one of the things he said to me was that, you know, it's not going to be like this forever. You, you know. Yeah, well, he, he was talking about a friend of his that had the he had two friends, one friend had stopped drinking, the other friend drank and drink, drink. And the, the two guys, one guy would get upset like, oh how come he can drink and I can't anymore.
00;22;51;01 - 00;23;00;07
Larry
That's just the way it is. So in the same breath, this therapist tells me, So it's not going to be like this all the time. You know, you'll be able to drink again some some time. He didn't know what he was talking about.
00;23;00;16 - 00;23;02;03
Raymell
Obviously not. Yeah, well.
00;23;02;03 - 00;23;06;14
Sam
Just like in any other profession, um, you know, there's bad doctors.
00;23;06;14 - 00;23;06;23
Larry
Yeah.
00;23;07;10 - 00;23;07;22
Raymell
Right. Yeah.
00;23;07;28 - 00;23;10;01
Sam
Bad therapist. Yeah, bad counselor.
00;23;10;01 - 00;23;20;13
Larry
Yeah. You know, and maybe it was an approach he was trying with me. I doubt it, but, uh, um, but that when he said that, I thought, oh, there was some relief.
00;23;20;13 - 00;23;24;16
Raymell
Yeah, perhaps it was like, what you just got. You just got the. Okay, that's.
00;23;24;16 - 00;23;38;01
Larry
What I want to hear at. Want to hear that? I remember telling him, you know, I was this was right out of the hospital. I was trying to quit. Cause still in the back of my mind, you know, I had my doctor to visit or stay at the hospital. And the doctors told me, if you don't stop, you know, you know what's going to happen.
00;23;38;01 - 00;23;53;27
Larry
And so I was telling this guy, this therapist, I said, you know, I just I can't. I'm having trouble. Everywhere I go, you see billboards, commercials of, you know, beer, liquor and and he that's when he said, well, you know, a little later on in life, you know, you'll be okay. That's that's not the case.
00;23;54;04 - 00;23;55;13
Raymell
Yeah, he was out of his field.
00;23;55;13 - 00;23;56;16
Larry
Yeah, I think not.
00;23;56;16 - 00;23;56;24
Raymell
No.
00;23;57;08 - 00;24;08;10
Larry
Yeah. There was no malcontent there. He just. He just wasn't. That just wasn't. His is a hot topic, I guess. But. But it was a relief to hear that.
00;24;08;15 - 00;24;09;08
Raymell
Oh, yeah, you're.
00;24;09;08 - 00;24;09;22
Larry
Going to hear.
00;24;09;22 - 00;24;10;27
Sam
Well, you took that and ran.
00;24;10;27 - 00;24;14;02
Larry
Yeah, you can. You're going to hear what you want to hear with this this disease.
00;24;14;05 - 00;24;14;16
Raymell
Right.
00;24;15;03 - 00;24;34;19
Larry
And they call it a disease. For the longest time, I wouldn't face up to it as a disease. I kept saying that I start a disease now. Granted, I've lost my father not from alcoholism, but I'm quite sure it was related to alcohol. He had a heart attack, a 52, and he drank a lot. I can almost guarantee.
00;24;34;20 - 00;24;40;21
Larry
Was it was it related to that? I've lost, uh, two cousins, younger or at a young age.
00;24;40;23 - 00;24;41;03
Raymell
Right.
00;24;41;16 - 00;24;55;28
Larry
And that an uncle, um, so it runs in my family. Um, and I would never, I never thought, yeah, it's not a disease. Not a disease. And, and the, you know, normal people, most of them don't believe it's a disease.
00;24;55;29 - 00;25;00;14
Raymell
No, they definitely don't believe that. And it's going to be hard to convince them that it is.
00;25;00;15 - 00;25;10;04
Larry
Also, I had a hard time convincing myself. I kept thinking, Now I'm just using that as an excuse. I can stop on my own. You know, you willpower can only take you so far.
00;25;10;04 - 00;25;35;09
Sam
Yeah. And, you know, it's it's one of those things that it's not the disease that doesn't make it any easier knowing that it's a disease. No, You know, and so it it's not like as if if we acknowledge that it's a disease, all of a sudden it's what we're doing is we're saying, okay, this is a disease. I need treatment.
00;25;35;09 - 00;25;43;13
Sam
Yeah. What, what, what is the prescription for this? Right. You know, and going into counseling, going into these rooms, that's what we're getting.
00;25;43;13 - 00;25;43;21
Larry
Right?
00;25;44;00 - 00;26;04;08
Sam
Right. You know, we're learning how to deal with problems. Maybe that we didn't learn or that got lost in, you know, when we were drinking, you know? So it's, uh. It's crazy. It's true. You know, you hear it all the time. Your disease wants to kill you.
00;26;04;09 - 00;26;09;13
Raymell
Oh, yeah? Yeah. It'll settle for you. Drunk or high, right? Yeah. Yeah. Kill you.
00;26;09;17 - 00;26;10;28
Sam
It wants to kill you. But.
00;26;11;10 - 00;26;30;25
Larry
You know, part of part of my recovery is I started, you know, getting more into my spirituality, you know, um, seeking God for some help and guidance, and, um, you know, that's the devil, you know. He's. He's trying to, every time, you know, get in my head, I can have one drink or something. That's. That's all it is.
00;26;30;28 - 00;26;51;03
Larry
Oh, yeah. You know, he's just there fighting. He's. He wants it pulling you. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. There's no doubt in my mind. Um, I really, truly believe that, uh, it took a while to figure that out or not figure it out, but to. To believe it. You know, I've heard it. My wife is very devout Catholic, and she'd been telling me that for quite a while.
00;26;52;09 - 00;26;58;03
Larry
You know, I had listened and probably good go through the other ear, but, uh, and there's there's no doubt in my mind.
00;26;58;09 - 00;26;58;20
Sam
Yeah.
00;26;59;09 - 00;26;59;23
Larry
Now.
00;27;00;23 - 00;27;16;09
Sam
Yeah, it's kind of hard to doubt it at some point if you, once you get a clear head and you're able to look at the experience of what you, what you've done, you can play the tape back.
00;27;16;10 - 00;27;16;20
Larry
Yeah.
00;27;16;22 - 00;27;35;20
Sam
Right. You know, play the tape back and look and see, you know, some of the, some of the decisions that you've made and some of the things that ended up happening to you because of because of alcohol. You know, I was told that I was going to not come back from it, but yet I still drank. I relapsed.
00;27;35;24 - 00;27;36;02
Larry
Yeah.
00;27;36;13 - 00;28;14;10
Sam
You know, and and, you know, you talk about, um, uh, guys like Joe. I can talk about Joe because Joe was on the podcast, you know, he, he lost his mom and he decided to drink again, and he already needed a liver. Yeah. You know, And so this thing is, is if you look at those cases of, Hey, man, this guy's got every, every, every reason to not drink.
00;28;14;10 - 00;28;43;27
Sam
And yet, you know, I thought having kids was going to be good enough. That's not the case. I thought having a loving wife, having a good home was going to be the case that wasn't, you know, it it just until I learned to to deal with with, uh, the reasons why I drink. Yeah. Then. Then. Then I can start really, uh, uh, come and be clearheaded and and move forward.
00;28;44;16 - 00;29;11;00
Raymell
I mean, that's really what it comes down to, the reasons behind it. You know, that's the difference between us being able to go ahead and have a beer, two beers, maybe a shot and call it a night, you know, instead of just continuously going on and on. There's always something more deep rooted. Yeah. That's causing us to want to get to a place where it either numbs us or we forget about everything or whatever it is That why we do it?
00;29;11;00 - 00;29;13;23
Raymell
It's it's always the deeper rooted thing. Yeah.
00;29;14;02 - 00;29;32;29
Larry
Yeah. And until you get in there, um, like I said before, willpower is, you know, it's going to get you to a certain point, but that's once, once you have, once you get that in my case and, and most folks that I've talked to that are alcoholics, once you get to a certain point, um, there's no turning back.
00;29;33;10 - 00;29;35;10
Larry
Yeah, and you can't stop.
00;29;35;15 - 00;30;12;12
Sam
We've all had people like that in our family. Yeah. You know, I, you know, especially coming from our, ah, background, you know, being Hispanic and black, you know, that runs in our, in our blood, just like diabetes does, you know. So we have family members that are like that and you just explain that, you know, um, one of the biggest things for me is was it that kind of put a light on in my head was my resentments, the things that I resented.
00;30;12;29 - 00;30;20;24
Sam
Um, people, places and things for you. Did you ever, did you find yourself having a lot of resentment?
00;30;20;24 - 00;30;34;00
Larry
Oh, yes. Yes. Until I and I still do. But, you know, I have to battle those. And most of the time, a lot of a lot of the resentments that I have are something that I created somewhere down the line.
00;30;34;00 - 00;30;34;13
Raymell
Yeah.
00;30;34;24 - 00;30;35;27
Sam
That's where the with the.
00;30;36;08 - 00;30;38;11
Raymell
But you acknowledge it but you can see it now.
00;30;38;11 - 00;30;50;27
Larry
Yeah. And the ones that I have and even when I'm digging them they can what I do to that person or why is this happening. Um, you know, I could just really say, well that's just the way it is, you know, that I can do about that.
00;30;51;16 - 00;30;53;08
Sam
That's you living in your square. Yeah.
00;30;53;08 - 00;31;17;18
Raymell
And it sounds like a man that's working some sort of a 12 step. Are you working some sort of this 12 step program? Yeah, because that type of insight, um, I've heard it from counselors and other people around the rooms that we go to. They actually sometimes they feel bad for people that don't have to go to these rooms and go to these groups because we get insight through these programs that most people never have to reach out and look for.
00;31;18;03 - 00;31;22;05
Raymell
Like we get life skills and life lessons that most people never even try to get.
00;31;22;05 - 00;31;44;03
Larry
Yeah, I remember when I when I started when I got started in the program, and that's exactly what I thought. You know, I thought to myself that this this, uh, treatment or meeting could help anybody. You don't have to be an alcoholic, right? Because like you said, it it does help with, you know, you could be the best person you think you are.
00;31;44;13 - 00;31;54;12
Larry
You can always be better. You can always be a better person. So it does benefit life skills and and it opens your eyes to the world to actually, um.
00;31;55;29 - 00;32;08;02
Sam
Yeah, there's a medication. I remember listening and talking about communication was a big one. Emotions. Um, you know how that that wheel of emotions. Yeah.
00;32;08;12 - 00;32;08;19
Raymell
You know.
00;32;08;20 - 00;32;24;12
Sam
Going from what was bringing on anger, what was bringing on fear, what was bringing it on, you know, all these different types of emotions that we have and then, you know, learning about them and knowing how to deal with them.
00;32;24;12 - 00;32;26;08
Raymell
Still on my refrigerator right now.
00;32;26;12 - 00;32;27;01
Sam
Yeah, mine too.
00;32;27;11 - 00;32;46;00
Raymell
Is it really? Yeah. Yeah. That's hilarious. Yeah. The emotion wheel. Just to kind of see where things derive from, like, how did I, how do I actually feel? Because for the most part, we think about what, four or five different things, like, I'm angry, I'm sad. I mean, yeah, it's. But then you have to look, okay, so why am I mad?
00;32;46;01 - 00;33;05;23
Raymell
Okay, I'm mad because I'm scared and I don't understand why. Yeah. And then why am I anxious while I'm anxious? Because of these expectations that I have on something, you know, being able to break it down like that and make sense of it, it just kind of helps to ease. Like, I'm an anxious guy, so it helps to ease my anxiety by doing that.
00;33;06;13 - 00;33;09;26
Sam
Yeah, I, I point to the will of my wife together.
00;33;09;27 - 00;33;11;28
Raymell
I mean, just.
00;33;12;17 - 00;33;29;05
Larry
You know, you you said a key word that expectations, you know, and in recovery, you know, you want you you want some feedback. At least I do. Yeah. You know, I want to know that I'm doing better and so I expect things and but you can't really expect that because the damage that you've done in the past. Yeah.
00;33;29;08 - 00;33;46;18
Larry
And, and I've done a lot of damage I know that and to some zero repairable but I still in the back of my mind I think well you know I, I, I want some feedback I expect some feedback to you know, tell me how I'm doing. But I can't, you know, I can't I mean, I don't I can only control my square, right?
00;33;46;19 - 00;33;54;13
Larry
And, uh, and when when that time comes, maybe somebody will, you know, maybe that person will forgive me or whatever the case may.
00;33;54;13 - 00;33;55;27
Raymell
Be and do time, right?
00;33;56;04 - 00;34;13;18
Larry
Maybe so. Or maybe it's just something I have to work on myself. But, uh, you know, I've come to I've come to peace with a lot of the things I don't you know, I remember talking to a gentleman and I told him what I thought I had done, and it's some of the things that I've done. And he said, Are you sure that's all you've done?
00;34;13;18 - 00;34;32;28
Larry
I said, Yeah, pretty sure. I don't remember ever blacking out or anything like that, you know. He says, We don't know that, do you? I said, No, I don't. I don't know that. So I don't. So he did say, Well, then you really don't know the damage you've done. And he's right. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how much I've hurt, you know, my family or friends.
00;34;32;28 - 00;34;48;05
Larry
Uh, uh, and like you said earlier, you know, it it not only affects your inner circle, but it has a ripple effect. Yeah. You know, some of the things that you may have said to somebody else, a friend or something that was damaging, you know, and they still could think about that. You know, you don't don't know that.
00;34;48;14 - 00;35;07;25
Larry
But I think back in, everyone's was a little pop my head. I can't believe I said that they did that, you know. Well, why are they still even my you know but now I'm back you know, back then most of my friends were drinkers anyway, and they're still my friends. I just don't see them very often. I don't actually I don't see them at all.
00;35;07;25 - 00;35;17;01
Larry
I don't talk to me every once in a while. But, uh, you know, they don't they're still my friends. I think. They're not coming around for my for benefit.
00;35;17;29 - 00;35;42;28
Sam
Could also be for theirs, you know, because I, I, I think, I think that once people know that you're in recovery, they also want to guard because I know the way I was. They want to guard their their own. There's that saying that those people have have are alcoholics. I'm not saying that. But there is some of that, too, you know.
00;35;42;28 - 00;36;02;29
Sam
But it it what does it matter? Yeah, right. You know, if you're at peace with Mm. With uh, the level of friendship you have with them now then. Yeah. So yeah. You know, I think that's the biggest thing is the peace. And the peace that I have today is nothing compared to what what I was living in.
00;36;03;01 - 00;36;03;24
Larry
Oh, yeah, Yeah.
00;36;03;24 - 00;36;33;02
Sam
I mean, the peace of, of, of being able to say I'm an alcoholic. Mm. This is, this is who I am. I'm all these other things too, but I am alcoholic and it f first bring shame to you. Don't want nobody to know you. You're afraid what other people think about you. But then once it's out there, it's like a weight off your shoulders.
00;36;33;02 - 00;36;33;18
Sam
It's like.
00;36;34;09 - 00;36;34;29
Larry
Yeah, it's.
00;36;34;29 - 00;36;45;14
Raymell
Kind of crazy how other people already know. It's like, yeah. So when I when I told people, you know, they were like, Yeah, no. Oh, really? Yeah. A guy like, you're always like.
00;36;45;14 - 00;36;46;16
Sam
You're coming out of the closet.
00;36;46;22 - 00;37;05;28
Raymell
Like you're always drinking. And I was like, Yeah, but I'm not blacking out all over the place. I'm not stumbling around. I don't slur my words. And they're like, Yeah, man, but you are always drinking. Like there's never a time you don't want any water. You don't want any juice. Yeah, you can. We offer you a tea and like, No, thank you.
00;37;05;28 - 00;37;20;14
Raymell
You know, always drinking. So I was worried about the shame a lot. You know, you still get that. That shame because of the stigma attached to it. But people already know, you know, we're we check ourselves a lot and I think and people don't.
00;37;21;03 - 00;37;33;00
Sam
Yeah we you know, we also check ourselves it's a it's a great point because we also think people care way more than what than than what they actually do.
00;37;33;00 - 00;37;40;05
Raymell
To in a bad way. Like we they care like they're judging us and caring about all these little insignificant things. Uh.
00;37;40;16 - 00;37;52;02
Sam
You know, this little thing that, that brain, you know, we talk about it a lot. It's that committee of stuff that's happening up there. You got to it constantly fighting. I am at least.
00;37;52;11 - 00;38;16;27
Larry
Well, yeah, you know, you mention stigma, you know, and that was a hard thing to get. Get over get a get by for me was, you know, I didn't want people to think I'm alcoholic as a weakness, you know? You know, I'm a macho guy. I was in the Marine Corps. The trauma is like, you know, I'm not weak, you know, And then you look at you and we've all seen in our in our rooms the profession, the professional people that are in there.
00;38;16;27 - 00;38;20;26
Larry
You know, we have, uh, we have Dennis probation officers.
00;38;21;07 - 00;38;24;17
Raymell
Lawyers, lawyers, teachers, doctors.
00;38;24;17 - 00;38;36;21
Larry
Nurses, doctors. You know, it's it's all walks of life, and it's just like cancer. The disease. And that's what, that's where our medicine is, is, uh, counseling and therapy.
00;38;37;08 - 00;38;37;19
Raymell
Um.
00;38;38;00 - 00;38;42;05
Larry
That without that willpower is not going to do it. Um.
00;38;43;01 - 00;39;01;17
Raymell
I'm kind of curious. Uh, it's kind of off subject, but I'm just talking to Larry. I mean, I've listened to you in the rooms a little bit in our shares and stuff like that, but, uh, what was what got it going? Like, I know you were drinking in the military and stuff. When did you, like, get to that point where you're like, Oh, man, I'm drinking a lot, or I'm drinking too much?
00;39;01;27 - 00;39;17;24
Larry
You know, when I think it was started leading up to when I was getting, getting close to towards retirement, um, and then, uh, when I retired, I had a lot of free time, and that's what I did all day long, right? And I try to clean it up by the time the wife got home from.
00;39;17;24 - 00;39;18;17
Raymell
Work.
00;39;19;07 - 00;39;22;29
Larry
And she knew and, but it just that's when it really peaked.
00;39;23;03 - 00;39;23;14
Raymell
Right.
00;39;23;24 - 00;39;31;04
Larry
And that, that's when it that's when I, I got sick and I and I, you know, it was leading up to that because I'd been drinking for such a long time.
00;39;31;05 - 00;39;31;16
Raymell
Right.
00;39;32;26 - 00;39;46;08
Larry
I, you know, I, I only drank, uh, I never drank hard liquor. Just beers up until, like a year before I retired. And then when I started drinking hard liquor, that's. Man, it just really hit me.
00;39;46;08 - 00;39;50;02
Raymell
Were you only drinking beers? What? What did you do, Larry? What was your profession?
00;39;50;02 - 00;39;50;27
Larry
I was in corrections.
00;39;50;27 - 00;39;57;20
Raymell
You're in corrections, so. Yeah. So you weren't. You were waiting till you got home, and then you were just. Yeah, about a 12 pack. Yeah. Yeah.
00;39;59;04 - 00;40;03;28
Larry
You started drinking? You know, And I thought that's just, you know, it's just beer's not going to affect me that much.
00;40;04;00 - 00;40;04;09
Raymell
But yeah.
00;40;04;28 - 00;40;16;25
Larry
It was in the, you know, the it was then I started drinking, I started drinking liquor and, and then, you know, I decided, Hey, I don't even drink. I don't need beer anymore. And this.
00;40;17;07 - 00;40;18;22
Raymell
Game goes away faster.
00;40;19;09 - 00;40;36;17
Larry
And more. And I didn't know. I didn't, you know, when after I got sick and I started, you know, coming around other people like my Barbara or this person, that person that I hadn't seen, they actually would say their your color's different. And, you know, I had one somebody tell me you were looking like you were gray.
00;40;36;25 - 00;40;37;13
Raymell
Oh, man.
00;40;37;22 - 00;40;41;28
Larry
Internal bleeding. And I thought, why didn't anybody tell me this before?
00;40;42;00 - 00;40;44;21
Raymell
It's like something I should have known, you know, and.
00;40;44;21 - 00;40;47;00
Larry
I don't my family didn't see it. Because when you see somebody.
00;40;47;22 - 00;40;48;06
Raymell
You know, you.
00;40;48;06 - 00;40;57;05
Larry
Don't really see the difference. But, uh, but it, you know, it it and, and I think we've all seen it. Now, when you stop, you know, your skin is going to see your color is going to change.
00;40;57;05 - 00;40;59;09
Raymell
You kind of good healthy things start to happen for.
00;40;59;09 - 00;41;02;28
Larry
Yeah, but uh, but it did it affected me a lot.
00;41;03;08 - 00;41;23;11
Sam
Yeah I had that same thing happened to me. It's, it, uh, the people would say, Oh, yeah, you look a lot better now. You know, You don't look as you look gray. I was told the same thing, and I was like, Yeah, you know. Yeah. I was like, Wow. You know? So people know something's wrong with you. People know that you're sick.
00;41;24;07 - 00;41;48;07
Sam
They just don't know of what because it could be it could be alcohol, it could be drugs, it could be, uh, cancer, it could be anything, you know, And and it's it's to the defense of why they don't say anything. It's hard to go to somebody, even if they're your loved one, because everybody, you know, you're the elephant in the room.
00;41;48;20 - 00;42;15;16
Sam
They're you're going to end up blowing up on them. Because I know I was upset, you know, a little bit when I first got in the hospital and I was like, oh, how come nobody stopped me, you know? And I was just But I look back and I oh, you, you know, nobody was going to stop me. I would even if even if they had said something, I would have never I would I would have protected my alcoholism.
00;42;15;17 - 00;42;20;13
Sam
No. Would have protected it and said, you know what? I got to now I have to distance myself from you.
00;42;20;13 - 00;42;20;26
Larry
Yeah.
00;42;20;28 - 00;42;25;10
Sam
You know, because that's what I did with the person persons that I look great right now.
00;42;25;10 - 00;42;26;01
Raymell
You know what I mean?
00;42;26;07 - 00;42;40;00
Larry
Yeah. And that's what I would do, you know, hiding, drinking. I try to stay away from my wife and my family and, you know, you we schedule events. I always schedule them right where I could find a bar somewhere to get something to drink.
00;42;40;01 - 00;42;57;04
Raymell
Those are. Those are traits. I didn't go to my grandmothers as much. I never went to my mom's house. You know, it was like you said, if somebody attacks your disease, your disease fights back. Yeah. Why are your eyes always so red? Why don't you get off my back? Why do you always look so tired? Oh, well, I got a job, you know.
00;42;57;16 - 00;42;59;14
Raymell
Yeah, it's always an excuse, you know?
00;42;59;14 - 00;43;05;21
Sam
Yeah, I'll take care of my stuff. You know what? What's the. What's the big deal. You know, I would go.
00;43;05;21 - 00;43;06;13
Larry
Yeah, exactly.
00;43;06;14 - 00;43;19;05
Raymell
I'm sure you can relate to that, especially with, you know, people know corrections. Is it? It's a tough job. Yeah. You know, there's nothing. You're not sitting behind a desk, all right? Relaxing all day. So I'm sure you can make that justification in your head. Yeah. I deserve these 12 beers.
00;43;19;05 - 00;43;19;23
Larry
Yeah, exactly.
00;43;20;00 - 00;43;21;18
Raymell
Exactly. Oh, yeah, Yeah.
00;43;21;25 - 00;43;35;24
Larry
You know, what is it? It. It started as a crutch, you know, And then it got out of hand. Uh, it became a disease. I if you know, there's still a lot of studies out there, whether it's hereditary or it's in your genes, I believe it is somewhat.
00;43;36;10 - 00;43;38;25
Raymell
But it's got to be a little piece of it. I would like to think.
00;43;38;25 - 00;43;40;00
Larry
I mean, so and.
00;43;40;01 - 00;44;04;15
Sam
Well, I think it I think it is conclusive that it is. And your and it it it is in your genes, but it's in your genes in the same way that you that diabetes runs in my family heart problems run in my family. I may get it. I may not you're right you know so I think I don't I don't think that that's a question.
00;44;04;28 - 00;44;31;24
Sam
But I do think, you know, it's like the story of the, uh, that they always tell in the room, you know, that that is, um, there's a, uh, twin boys grow up with their dad being a drunk, one becomes an alcoholic, one becomes very successful businessmen, and the go to the alcoholic and they say, Why did you, why are you drinking?
00;44;31;24 - 00;44;33;15
Sam
And he says, Because I watch my dad.
00;44;33;18 - 00;44;33;28
Larry
Yeah.
00;44;34;13 - 00;44;40;21
Sam
You know, And then they go to the kid, Why don't you drink, you know, the other one? And he says, Because I watch my dad.
00;44;41;07 - 00;44;42;17
Raymell
It's all that perception.
00;44;42;17 - 00;44;43;03
Larry
Yeah, Yeah.
00;44;43;07 - 00;45;02;07
Raymell
But as much as it's in your genes, I like to believe that it's a, um, environmental thing also, you know? And that's why I think, you know, a lot of, a lot of, uh, Latin, you what? I mean, people like, it's everywhere, you know, you just grow up around it and that's what you do. So you do it because your parents do it.
00;45;02;15 - 00;45;10;26
Raymell
That's why I did it. My parents were always it. And it's just you see it so much, everyone's doing it. So you just feel like that's the way you're supposed to.
00;45;10;28 - 00;45;40;00
Sam
Yeah, I'm you know, I don't. I'm only a anomaly in that. And that is my and my parents never drink, right? My parents didn't drink. It was never around. I come from a, uh, a very, very, very good home life. My parents have been married for 30 something years, right? You know, uh, my dad was successful. Um, you know, raised a bunch of us, uh, under one roof and took care of us and all that.
00;45;40;00 - 00;46;01;07
Sam
And so I. What I didn't see in my dad is that drinking. But what I saw was I saw my uncles, I saw my aunts. Right? And I saw how I idolized that, Right? How I thought, you know, wow, You know, nothing's wrong with them. They're just having a beer. You know what? Why can't they just have a beer?
00;46;01;15 - 00;46;03;14
Sam
What's wrong with that? You know, some.
00;46;03;14 - 00;46;10;25
Raymell
Of them might have been some of them might have been normies, too. You know, they might have just been. Yeah. Having a good time. And then they go home and they're not drinking a whole bottle.
00;46;10;25 - 00;46;17;27
Sam
Yeah. Because there's I mean, if you, if you want to drink and you get in, it doesn't have a control over you. Most people don't.
00;46;18;00 - 00;46;18;10
Raymell
Yeah.
00;46;18;10 - 00;46;42;20
Sam
You know, most people don't, you know, they don't, they don't have that issue. You. But for some of us that do you know it it we just use we can find any anything and make it into I want a drink or I want to like a any, any excuse. Yeah.
00;46;43;01 - 00;46;48;23
Raymell
Um, did you do that Larry? Did you drink? Uh, we might mainly at the house, drinking. Or were you, uh.
00;46;48;23 - 00;46;49;23
Larry
I was an isolated drinker.
00;46;49;23 - 00;46;51;21
Raymell
Isolated drinker? Not a bar guy or any.
00;46;51;22 - 00;46;56;17
Larry
I mean, once in a once in a while, I'd go to bars, but. But mostly isolated. Yeah.
00;46;57;00 - 00;46;58;18
Raymell
Sam, were you kind of the same?
00;46;59;03 - 00;47;19;09
Sam
Yeah. I drink at home. I drink. Uh, yeah, I didn't. I didn't go out. Um, you know, I always say this in the rooms, but I don't have many friends, right? You know, I have one friend that I keep in touch with. Thank you. That I.
00;47;19;09 - 00;47;24;18
Raymell
Call. I appreciate that. Oh, no, not me. Oh, I'm sorry. No.
00;47;25;18 - 00;47;34;25
Sam
No. But I keep in touch with him. But for the most part, I mean, he lives his life and he's got a family and, you know, he drinks and all that, too. But, you.
00;47;34;25 - 00;47;35;02
Raymell
Know.
00;47;35;25 - 00;47;45;14
Sam
You know, I don't you know, I have a cousin that I would hang out with, but even I isolated myself from them because I didn't want them to see how much I was doing.
00;47;45;14 - 00;47;46;02
Larry
Right. Right.
00;47;46;03 - 00;47;47;18
Sam
Yeah. You know, to what degree.
00;47;47;19 - 00;47;50;29
Raymell
And he was talking about the hiding it, right? Yeah, yeah.
00;47;51;07 - 00;48;01;09
Sam
Yeah. I didn't want them to know that because, yeah, if I would go to their house or if I would go hang out with them, I was already drinking prior to getting that was pre game.
00;48;01;10 - 00;48;01;22
Larry
Bringing.
00;48;02;08 - 00;48;02;27
Sam
All the time.
00;48;02;29 - 00;48;21;08
Raymell
I think it's funny how we call it pre gaming, but it's really just gaming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause even if we weren't on our way to an event or on our way somewhere, we would still be doing it. Yeah. Oh, man, it's free gaming for a normie. Maybe. I used to say it because I was a very social drinker.
00;48;21;14 - 00;48;43;10
Raymell
Whether I was at my buddy's house or as at a bar or whatever, but I would call it pre gaming for financial reasons, you know. Yeah, if I can go ahead and take a couple of these $2 shots from the liquor store and pound to tall cans, I won't spend $200 at the bar. Right. Right. Never work. I still drink the exact when I get there.
00;48;43;22 - 00;48;49;08
Raymell
It was just that a bad logic. You know, you don't have great logic when you're uh. Yeah, Yeah.
00;48;49;21 - 00;48;50;04
Larry
No.
00;48;51;16 - 00;48;52;14
Raymell
Jeez, Louise.
00;48;53;10 - 00;48;58;14
Larry
Makes you do, uh. It's a cunning disease. It makes you do some strange things.
00;48;58;14 - 00;48;58;24
Raymell
Isn't.
00;48;58;24 - 00;49;03;19
Larry
It? Anything. Anything to. To get. Get a drink. Just about anything.
00;49;03;28 - 00;49;30;18
Sam
What are some of your bigger, uh, triggers that you deal with now versus what were some of the ones that you first had and what did you do to stay away to to, uh, not stay away from, but mediate that? Uh, in the beginning, when you first started out, you know, a hundred or 200 days ago, 300 days ago, versus how those evolved and changed to, to what you're dealing with now.
00;49;30;23 - 00;49;52;05
Larry
The triggers I had before were more, um, I don't know if they were more material, physical, they were more like going by the same place you go by to get to get something to drink, right? Or go into a meeting, a friend that you know you're going to drink with. So staying away from those areas, I even had to change my, my route around because I knew that too.
00;49;52;07 - 00;50;06;21
Larry
Because in the morning when I was drinking, I figured, okay, how can I get a drink this time? This time? This time? Okay, I'm gonna go here first, there first. So I had all planned out for the day, all right? So I had to change that. I'm not going by that place today or I'm not going to go that direction.
00;50;06;21 - 00;50;36;11
Larry
Um, that was when. That was early on my recovery. Now, most of those places, they don't even bother anymore. You know, I'll go by them. But now it's more, uh, it's more in, it's more subconscious where I, uh, the resentments, things of that nature. I'm getting deeper into. Why? I was drinking. Yeah. So those are those are the I still have some resentments, and I, you know, I always will, um, but I can deal with them a lot better now.
00;50;36;20 - 00;50;55;10
Larry
Um, not all of them, you know, Not all of them, but, uh, they're getting easier to deal with because I've looked, you know, research that with, you know, with my, uh, therapist, and we look at things and why, why did I have that resentment? Right? And so when you start looking at it, like I said earlier, a lot of.
00;50;55;19 - 00;50;57;14
Sam
You know how to deal with it when it comes up.
00;50;57;16 - 00;51;07;24
Larry
A lot of times it was something that I did. Yeah. And usually it was something I did because I was drinking. I made a poor choice either poor decision, poor wording.
00;51;08;01 - 00;51;08;12
Raymell
Poor.
00;51;08;12 - 00;51;35;22
Larry
Wording. And you know, in the you say things that and then even getting sober you don't think, you know, remember what you said, you know, my wife or my kids you don't me this really did I. Yes, I remember that. But yeah but so you know now it's it's now it's my my emotions, my in the workings, you know, figuring out how how I did that, how I got to that point and you know, that's it's a lot easier now to look at things.
00;51;36;10 - 00;51;39;24
Larry
Why am I so upset about the situation of that situation? I can't control it.
00;51;39;29 - 00;51;40;10
Sam
But.
00;51;40;18 - 00;51;44;20
Larry
It's out of my hands. So why, you know, why ruin my whole day worrying about it?
00;51;45;14 - 00;52;05;22
Sam
Yeah. Uh, do you find yourself now, uh, as you've gotten further away, you know, from your sobriety, you date, do you find yourself having those triggers? Uh, farther apart from each other?
00;52;05;27 - 00;52;21;03
Larry
Oh, yes. Yeah. They're not as, uh, I don't have to battle myself my brain as much. Yeah. You know, there was a point where I had to push things that, you know, you still. I was still constantly think about it because I was trying to push it out of my brain. But yeah, so you're still thinking about it, but it's not that way anymore.
00;52;21;03 - 00;52;40;29
Larry
I can, you know, there are some, some issues that that are there and the, you know, I don't know, maybe someday I'll, I'll figure out how to deal with. But for the most part, a lot of those are I can deal with them now in, uh, in a calmer way. Um, and move forward.
00;52;41;15 - 00;52;51;01
Sam
Yeah. Think the, the other thing too is, is it may not seem like you're dealing with some of these things that are coming up, but you.
00;52;51;01 - 00;52;51;11
Larry
Are.
00;52;51;11 - 00;53;06;01
Sam
Yeah, you know you are and, and, and being sober you are in the 300 days that you have, you know every day you are working so that way those resentments are not there anymore.
00;53;06;01 - 00;53;06;09
Larry
Yeah.
00;53;06;16 - 00;53;20;21
Sam
You know, you're just, you're constantly working yourself. You're aware of it all now more than you, more than you ever were. Probably. You probably weren't aware of it at all when you were drinking.
00;53;20;21 - 00;53;29;08
Larry
Right? Right. You just kind of stuff it to the side and let booze take care of it. Um, that's what, that's why that's why I drank. I didn't want to think about it.
00;53;29;18 - 00;53;50;05
Raymell
So, yeah, that's that's a big one for a lot of people. Yeah. You know, just not wanting to think about the. The stuff that's going on. Yeah, I know. I got a, the further I get away from on was called I call it my zero day or whatever, you know, the farther I get away from it the more I feel like I need to stick to the things that got me to where I'm at today.
00;53;50;05 - 00;54;09;15
Raymell
I was, I was telling Sam before we started that I believe it was the between the fifth and the eighth or something like that. I have a board on my door that leads out to my garage and that's where I have my daily intention and my gratitude for the day. Sometimes I write some scriptures and things on there just to keep me going.
00;54;09;27 - 00;54;26;02
Raymell
There's a three day stretch where I didn't have a daily intention on there and I didn't have my gratitude on there. And I can start to feel like something was off. I didn't want to drink, you know, because the obsessions have been gone for a long time. I don't want to drink. I didn't want to smoke, I didn't want to party.
00;54;26;20 - 00;54;41;17
Raymell
But something just wasn't right, you know? And I was curious. Do you do you have like a daily things or anything like that that you try to that you try to take care of to like maybe to get you on a program that you got get you ready for the day?
00;54;41;17 - 00;55;02;16
Larry
I every morning I pray and I said I send a prayer out to to my family, to my journal family. And they usually respond with something. They're all all the kids are adults now. Um, and then later I was I was doing it first thing in the morning. I got away from it. I don't know why, but I meditate for about 30 minutes a day and it's in the morning sometimes.
00;55;02;16 - 00;55;28;15
Larry
I was I was doing it first thing in the morning. I'd like to get back to that. But I learned that from Lauren how to meditate and goodness, she's awesome. Um, but that, that is pretty much it. I started listening to a podcast. Uh, I can't remember the gentleman's name right now, but when I, when I start, I haven't got, like, like, like you had mentioned, I haven't gotten the urge in a while, but when, when it, for some reason other if I think I need to listen to a podcast.
00;55;28;15 - 00;55;37;06
Larry
Listen to a podcast. Right. Um, I don't know. Uh, I probably should get into something a little more regimented. I just haven't done that.
00;55;37;29 - 00;55;43;19
Raymell
Um, you're a military guy. I'm pretty sure that if you. Yeah, that you know how they do that.
00;55;43;21 - 00;55;48;18
Larry
Their prayers. It's really. It does wonders for the prayer and meditation. It done a lot for me.
00;55;48;21 - 00;55;52;22
Raymell
I agree with you with that prayer. It's a it's a lifesaver for sure.
00;55;53;02 - 00;55;53;11
Larry
Yeah.
00;55;53;12 - 00;56;33;20
Sam
Yeah, I I'm the same way. You know, I prayed in the shower, but, you know, it just if if I don't do it, you know, uh, it it really messes up. Messes up my day, and then I got to have a a daily you say daily intention, that same intention to have that, that open communication between me and me and God, you know I have to have that if I, if I don't if I don't have that or feel like I'm getting away from it throughout my day, I, I try to make myself aware of it.
00;56;34;07 - 00;56;38;25
Sam
Um, you know because I have half of this is, is being aware.
00;56;39;10 - 00;56;40;01
Larry
Oh yeah.
00;56;40;18 - 00;56;55;02
Sam
Being aware that you missed those days that you've started feeling, you know, because if you they say if you're not working on your, on, on recovery then where does it go.
00;56;55;12 - 00;56;58;20
Raymell
You know, you're not working on your recovery, you're working on your relapse.
00;56;58;26 - 00;57;43;28
Sam
And your relapse. Yeah. And so they say that your relapse doesn't start the day that you're drinking. It starts way before that it with missing the intention of the day that you're normal you know regiment. It's it starts with I get to go to the bar. I'll do that tomorrow. Right. Um you know, it's not cleaning up your side of the street, you know, making sure nothing is is in there and, and allowing a resentment to build up because that those resentments that I, that I have, they stemmed from me not taking care of it right then and there.
00;57;44;01 - 00;57;44;13
Raymell
Right.
00;57;44;22 - 00;58;22;01
Sam
Maybe they they build. And so what happens is I because I haven't addressed it or done my part in in addressing it or tried to do my part in addressing it, then it starts to panic and then all, you know, and the next thing I know I'm start you know, I kind of got into that on Monday. I, I, I was, you know, I like, I got to do this oh, I got to do that, you know, and and it was I started feeling that relapse type type mentality coming on.
00;58;22;01 - 00;58;29;24
Sam
And it was because I it was because I didn't take care of it that when I needed to. Yeah. And so it just lingered and built up.
00;58;29;24 - 00;58;30;20
Larry
Yeah.
00;58;30;20 - 00;58;33;15
Raymell
It's dangerous. Very dangerous.
00;58;33;15 - 00;58;33;25
Larry
Yeah.
00;58;34;21 - 00;59;08;00
Sam
So, you know, now that you know, obviously life still happens, right? You get sober and we get like a month and we're like, we want everybody to celebrate. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We get three, you know, we get three months and we want to, you know, and everybody's like, well, you still have all this other jokes that you did to me, you know, all stuff that we, that we did in our in our drinking and in addiction.
00;59;08;00 - 00;59;45;12
Sam
Um, how, how are you doing with, with, um, with, uh, just life in general. Are you seeing obviously you're seeing positive outcomes in, in, in your, in your personal life, in your connection with God and with your family, But you don't constantly you're not constantly thinking about, you know, drinking anymore. You're not you kind of moved away from that.
00;59;46;00 - 00;59;50;29
Sam
Are you able to keep up with your daily with those things so they don't get out of whack?
00;59;51;21 - 01;00;10;27
Larry
And they're, uh, there's a saying that is this this gentleman said one time he said, uh, you can, uh, you can, you can, you can sober up a drunken horse thief. So he's not a drunken horse thief anymore, but he's still a horse thief.
01;00;10;28 - 01;00;11;15
Raymell
That's right. Yeah.
01;00;12;07 - 01;00;40;27
Larry
So just because I've stopped drinking doesn't mean I still have those bad character issues that I've had. What I've noticed, though, is a lot of them were brought upon because I was drinking. Yeah. So I've noticed that that that more positive affirmations are coming coming are surfacing for me. And so with that, I'm able to see that I, I spend more time with, with my, with my family.
01;00;41;13 - 01;00;45;29
Larry
Um, we, you know, we do, you know, let's go for a hike. I wouldn't have done that before, but.
01;00;47;00 - 01;00;49;10
Raymell
You know, not unless there was a bar at that.
01;00;49;10 - 01;01;15;25
Larry
Exactly. Let's go to This is good. That okay? Sure. In the past, I'd make an excuse. Now I can do it. And with that, you know, you subtly communicate, talk about different things, and there's that. There's that chaos there it was before. And most of the chaos was brought on by myself. Yeah. And I see I sit back and I think about, you know, we sat and we had dinner this, this last, you know, for home for the holidays.
01;01;15;25 - 01;01;36;27
Larry
My son was it was home from New York and my other son from San Diego and my daughter's here. So, you know, we were all here. It was, you know, it was fun. And we did a lot of things together, limited because of weather. But we still we were still together a lot. Right? And, um, I, I go to bed at night, I think, you know, if I was drinking, I couldn't have done this.
01;01;36;27 - 01;01;55;18
Larry
There would have been fighting. Definitely chaos. And most of it was created by me. Probably all of it was. Yeah. Unbeknownst to me. Maybe, you know, purposely, but I'm purposely. But I've noticed. I've noticed the, you know, and I don't know if others have noticed that or not.
01;01;55;19 - 01;01;56;10
Raymell
I'm sure. Yeah.
01;01;56;13 - 01;02;08;05
Larry
Yeah, I have. And I and I go back to feeling like I said earlier, I'm more at peace with myself now, you know, because I know that I'm trying. Um, and that's all I can do.
01;02;08;13 - 01;02;34;18
Raymell
And that's all you can do. I love that. I love that story. The you can take the bottle away from the drunken horse thief and the little horse. Yeah. Because those character defects are things that everybody has. Normies, addicts, everybody has them are there, you know, amplify times because of our addictions and things like that. But that's another thing about the 12 step programs, the counseling, the therapy.
01;02;34;28 - 01;03;06;04
Raymell
They allow us to work on those things. Yeah. You know, because we've removed the bottles, we've removed the drugs, we've removed, you know, the the unsafe sexual habits and all of that type of stuff. So now it's time to get down to the nitty gritty, you know? And that's why I'm so thankful for these programs and even doing things like this, you know, the Recovery podcast and things like that, where we can talk about our defects and the things that we're lying under, right.
01;03;06;04 - 01;03;16;02
Raymell
You know, because that's what makes the time better with your kids, you know, that's what makes my time better with my wife. It's the communication that makes my relationship better, you know.
01;03;16;03 - 01;03;18;15
Sam
The availability that you have because of.
01;03;18;15 - 01;03;40;25
Raymell
It. Exactly like if I was this guy that I am now or that I'm becoming, if I was this mindful of all of my actions and the feelings of other people around me while I was smoking and drinking and toot and powder, I wouldn't have caused half the damage. You know what I mean? If I would have had all of this knowledge.
01;03;40;25 - 01;03;46;05
Raymell
But I wasn't able to see any of this because I didn't have any clarity.
01;03;46;06 - 01;04;04;04
Larry
Yeah, but the the joy you get out of it now is it's to me, it's almost overly overwhelming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to I'll give you a story on the way over here, my son from San Diego, cause he's 23, you know, he's a good kid. Doing well. Um, and I'm driving over there, you know, you could hear the radio.
01;04;04;04 - 01;04;24;01
Larry
I said, Well, he's. Where are you going? I'm going to friend's house, going do a podcast. He says, What? A podcast. A podcast on what? And recovery. And, you know, he started kind of he he started laughing with excitement. Yeah. Not not laughing at me. He cited for me and he said that was that. I'm so happy for you.
01;04;24;23 - 01;04;35;25
Larry
You know, I wouldn't you know, he doesn't know how much that, you know if you watch his podcast, you know now but how many said that affected me. Yeah. The joy that that gave me that he was excited for me.
01;04;36;04 - 01;04;36;15
Sam
Yeah.
01;04;36;27 - 01;04;37;25
Larry
It's overwhelming.
01;04;37;27 - 01;04;38;20
Sam
Yeah, it is.
01;04;38;25 - 01;04;45;14
Raymell
People are stoked for us, you know, especially our loved ones. We are they've wanted this for us for a long time. Yeah.
01;04;45;14 - 01;04;47;11
Larry
Yeah. You know. Yeah, you're right. You're right.
01;04;47;11 - 01;04;48;18
Raymell
I wanted this for us for a long.
01;04;48;18 - 01;04;48;26
Larry
Yeah.
01;04;49;04 - 01;05;22;28
Sam
Yeah. Even if, you know, that's the biggest thing is, is you being available. And because even if you had, you went through all of this, I'll speak for myself. I wasn't, uh, a bad drunk in the sense that I didn't pick fights with my wife. Mm. Um, I didn't. I didn't, um. You know, yell at my kids or do anything extra like that.
01;05;22;28 - 01;05;51;00
Sam
But the biggest thing that even though I didn't do that, I still wasn't available to them and be in the in in, in the mindset to to to enjoy that and to even have to take away and go lay my head on the pillow and go, wow. You know, because the peace that I have now and the joy that I have now is like you said, it's not you.
01;05;51;04 - 01;06;02;08
Sam
You can't put it into words. Yeah, it's like I have found gold and I want everybody else that, you know, to to get to it, too.
01;06;02;08 - 01;06;05;28
Larry
Yeah. Because we know what it's like on the other side of.
01;06;05;29 - 01;06;06;15
Raymell
The side.
01;06;06;24 - 01;06;16;00
Larry
And it's, it's, it's horrible. You know, you think it's okay cause you because you're, you know, the substance has taken over you. I feel good. But once you sober up.
01;06;16;19 - 01;06;17;19
Sam
You clarity.
01;06;17;19 - 01;06;40;20
Raymell
Yeah. It's a more pure form of happiness and I think that's what it is, too. You know, it's not, it's not diluted. It's not chemically put there. I mean, if it is, it's the natural, you know, endorphins. But like, it's, uh, it's real joy, real happiness. And what you were saying about your, uh, about, like, not getting in arguments, picking fights with your wife and not yelling at your kids.
01;06;40;20 - 01;06;49;07
Raymell
I used to feel that same way, but I feel like myself personally, I use that as a crutch. Reason to with my.
01;06;49;07 - 01;06;49;20
Sam
Of course.
01;06;49;21 - 01;07;11;19
Raymell
My saying like, oh, I don't, I don't do that. So it's not that bad. But when in all honesty, I was shut off to where she probably would have rather have him argue with me just for me to kill me. That's how bad my communication was. But she would have wanted me to have an argument just for me to communicate with her because I was more of a shut it down type.
01;07;11;19 - 01;07;31;04
Raymell
Like not not tell her like, shut up or anything like that, but just not going to talk about it. I'm gonna go over here and watch TV or I'm going to go over here and do this, you know? Yeah. And now, even if it's uncomfortable because things are still extremely uncomfortable sometimes now, but I'll, I'll sit there and I'll, I'll talk about it, you know.
01;07;31;05 - 01;07;35;16
Raymell
Yeah. And I'll, I'll get through it. And guess what? 90% of the time I feel better afterwards.
01;07;36;09 - 01;07;52;19
Larry
Yeah. Yeah. And you know, you know, I talk to my therapist, you know, like, okay, so, you know, when when is it going to change? You know, that I, I still feel a wall there between, you know, me and a loved one and. Mm. How long were you drunk.
01;07;53;19 - 01;07;55;25
Raymell
Oh yeah. Oh I'm can long like.
01;07;56;23 - 01;07;58;20
Larry
You know, it's going to take a long time. Yeah.
01;07;58;20 - 01;07;59;05
Raymell
Yeah.
01;07;59;20 - 01;08;06;22
Larry
And so like, like we've all learned, you know, you can only do, you can only do what you deal with what's in your square.
01;08;06;23 - 01;08;07;14
Raymell
You know, and.
01;08;07;27 - 01;08;10;02
Larry
The rest will either fall in place where it won't.
01;08;10;19 - 01;08;39;01
Sam
What was a, a light bulb moment for me was the square deal was the was the thing that was like, Oh, okay. I started to click for me, you know, once because I, then I, I, because I had heard it and then I, I was trying to put it into action. Um, and, you know, I started feeling better.
01;08;39;08 - 01;08;51;05
Sam
And then I realized few days later it was like, wow. Like something is just different. Something's changed. But something clicked for me. Did you have a moment like that?
01;08;51;28 - 01;09;02;24
Larry
You know, I would have to say that's probably of the one of the closest ones is the Square. And I'm not sure if it was because the way it was presented, you know, we're sitting there and.
01;09;03;04 - 01;09;05;09
Raymell
There are square tile where.
01;09;05;11 - 01;09;25;13
Larry
You can see the physical and you keep pounding on that tile and and it just drills in your head. You know, I can't control anybody else how they feel about me. Yeah, I you know, I still, like I said before, there's still some resentments and surface, but I can control them within myself. Right. I could still be upset this person, but it's not going to do any good.
01;09;25;18 - 01;09;34;28
Larry
Yeah. And so it's a lot easier for me. Just, um. Okay. You know, it's no big thing anymore. Um, but. But it is that you can only control yourself.
01;09;35;09 - 01;09;35;27
Sam
Yeah, I.
01;09;36;02 - 01;09;56;14
Raymell
Feel like I, uh. I was always a square guy, I think you know what I mean? I mean, super cool. Super, maybe, but I was the type of guy to stay in my square, probably because of my self centered miss. You know what I mean? I wasn't really too concerned what was going on outside of what I had going on.
01;09;56;14 - 01;10;00;26
Raymell
So I think my the game changer for me was honesty.
01;10;00;26 - 01;10;02;22
Sam
Yeah, I was just going say, yeah.
01;10;02;28 - 01;10;24;04
Raymell
That that was the game too. I'll probably talk about it a lot. Yeah. Group and stuff like that. But honesty was the game changer for me and I just couldn't believe it was like this. People talk about that weight coming off. Yeah, it feels physical. Yeah, it feels like someone literally took a weight off of your shoulders to just tell the truth all the time.
01;10;24;12 - 01;10;43;18
Raymell
Yeah, it's not that bad, you know, like not having to hide things and. And it's always from the people that are closest to you. You're not hiding things from people you don't care about. You're hiding things from the people that you care what they think about you. Yeah, you know what? I'm sure So it just. It it felt so great.
01;10;43;18 - 01;11;02;23
Raymell
And the people closest to me in my specific situation, it's like my wife and my mother, you know? Yeah. Like our relationship has just blossomed so much. We can have real conversations because I'm not over here thinking about what I said last time and the fact that I'm going to I'm drunk and I'm stoned a lot. You know what I mean?
01;11;02;23 - 01;11;13;29
Raymell
Back then, it makes it even harder to remember what I said. So. So yeah, I think that was my light bulb moment when I started telling the and I was like, Oh, this is Yeah.
01;11;14;00 - 01;11;32;04
Sam
Because it leaves at least the same place, you know, It leads to that. You got it. You still got to put your head on that pillow, right? And you got to think about that day and you got to think about it's either I didn't get something done or I was dishonest or, you know, whatever, you know. So it kind of coming all comes together in the same.
01;11;32;04 - 01;11;53;08
Larry
Way in, you know, And it's still like it's still a work in progress is something that, you know, I still every once in a while I catch myself being opinionated something and it's usually with my inner family, not with them, or it's a subject that I'm talking to them about. And yeah, and, you know, they had no business even throwing that out there but letting I still catch myself and I still have to work on it.
01;11;53;08 - 01;11;54;29
Larry
Yeah, but it's nowhere near.
01;11;54;29 - 01;11;55;28
Sam
But you're aware.
01;11;55;28 - 01;12;02;14
Larry
Yeah. Yes, exactly. You know, and I think back then I wasn't that in my business. Why they even say that, you know. But we'll never.
01;12;02;18 - 01;12;04;12
Raymell
Ever be perfect. Yeah, well, no.
01;12;04;12 - 01;12;06;04
Larry
And that's the thing. We're not martyrs.
01;12;06;10 - 01;12;06;29
Raymell
You know, You do the.
01;12;06;29 - 01;12;25;02
Larry
Best you can, and, uh, um. And I'll go back to, you know, that go back to the program that you don't have to be an alcoholic or a substance abuse person to, uh, um, gain something out of the program.
01;12;25;05 - 01;12;27;03
Raymell
Yeah, not at all. No, not at all.
01;12;27;09 - 01;12;47;29
Larry
It's just I had a, you know, when I. I have a good friend that, uh, who had a actually, it was my friend. He passed away, but his brother, younger brother is a good friend also. And he, um, um, as is older, is my friend was an alcoholic. He didn't die from that. He died of a young age, but it was a different issue.
01;12;47;29 - 01;13;06;24
Larry
He had been sober for, um, probably about eight years and he ended up dying up from something else at 50 years old. And he was really good friend. Well, his younger brother's a good friend of mine. Also. And, uh, he explained some of the trials and tribulations that his brother had gone through to try to get sober. Yeah, it was a rough road.
01;13;06;27 - 01;13;17;24
Larry
Yeah. And so I've shared with him some things and he shared it with me, and he's he's the actually one that said, you know, everything that my brother told me anybody could benefit from. From the big world.
01;13;17;25 - 01;13;18;06
Sam
Yeah.
01;13;18;08 - 01;13;18;25
Raymell
Yeah.
01;13;18;25 - 01;13;20;24
Larry
It's. It's just life lessons.
01;13;20;29 - 01;13;58;13
Sam
Yeah. Yeah it is it that's. Yeah. That your most you almost like I can't. There's times where I can't wait til I get home and I get to share it with my, with my wife. You know one of the things that the, uh, I remember one of the lessons that we learned was listening. Basically, it was, uh, the exercise was go take your, uh, take somebody you trust, somebody you care about and ask them to talk to you.
01;13;58;13 - 01;14;23;06
Sam
Tell them to ask them to tell you about your day for one minute and time. It one minute exactly. And then repeat back to them what you heard and see if it's the same thing. And, and so like tools like that, things like that that I use these you know, I'm a I work as a as a manager.
01;14;23;06 - 01;14;59;07
Sam
And so I lead people and by default. So with with that being said, I even take the same principles that we've or, or lessons that we've learned in communication and awareness in, you know, listening into the workplace as well. So yeah, you're, you're 100% right on that. It's just I've gained so much from it, you know, and I think that's why it's so like, like the happiness that I have.
01;14;59;08 - 01;15;02;16
Sam
Yeah. You know, it's, it's, it's almost childlike.
01;15;02;16 - 01;15;02;26
Larry
Yeah.
01;15;03;03 - 01;15;26;03
Raymell
I believe that Vince always says it. You Know what I mean? Like, it has to touch your recovery and the things we're learning. They need to touch every single aspect of your life. I can't remember the saying, but it's manner like something. And women are like spaghetti. And in that case, we need to be more like women where everything touches and overlaps, like stay in our own square when we're with our issues and stuff.
01;15;26;03 - 01;15;41;14
Raymell
But when it comes to our recovery, it needs to be in every single part of our life. It needs to be on us at home, at work, at church, out at social gatherings. You know what I mean? It needs to be something that we practice at all times.
01;15;41;25 - 01;15;48;00
Larry
Yeah, well, yeah, it. Yes. Remember alcohol touches at all.
01;15;48;10 - 01;15;48;27
Raymell
Yeah.
01;15;49;10 - 01;15;56;11
Larry
You know, it did me I thought about it all day if I did, if I didn't, if I wasn't doing it, then I was trying to figure out how to get a drink.
01;15;56;12 - 01;16;09;19
Raymell
You were definitely you. I mean, like you said, you had a you had a plan, and. And we all did. We all knew the store. We all knew how long it was going to take to get to that store. We knew what we were going to get because we know that would get us through the night. We knew everything.
01;16;09;21 - 01;16;10;02
Raymell
Yeah.
01;16;10;15 - 01;16;14;08
Sam
Plan. I would plan hotels around. Yeah, the liquor stores.
01;16;14;10 - 01;16;17;13
Larry
Yeah. Or going out to eat. Is there, is there a bar that.
01;16;17;17 - 01;16;42;21
Raymell
Somebody once told me that they wouldn't go to a restaurant that didn't serve alcohol and I thought to myself, those exist. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, I would be. So now I'm okay. But back then I would be out of my mind if we showed up somewhere to eat. And when I ordered my steak and my beer, they were like, We don't serve alcohol or Yeah, hold on, I'm going to go to this fast over coffee.
01;16;42;21 - 01;16;44;21
Raymell
Yeah, I'll be right back.
01;16;45;07 - 01;16;59;04
Larry
That's funny. You know, every once in a while, eat at Denny's is my father in law's favorite restaurant. He he he passed away. But the every once once in a great while and I went this about a year ago into the Denny's on Rosedale.
01;16;59;04 - 01;16;59;22
Raymell
Nice they.
01;16;59;22 - 01;17;00;09
Larry
Got a bar in.
01;17;00;09 - 01;17;16;08
Raymell
The back but I was going to say if they do if got a raise though I didn't know they got a rose though. There's a full bar back there. When I went into that place and I was in and out of the bathroom doing God knows, you know, in the middle of my addiction and whatnot. And I think I blacked out.
01;17;16;08 - 01;17;19;02
Raymell
At some point. I dropped like $200 at the Denny's bar.
01;17;19;04 - 01;17;19;19
Sam
Really?
01;17;19;24 - 01;17;28;10
Raymell
I was buying drinks for everybody at the Denny's bar because we left somewhere from drinking and we're going to eat at Denny's to sober up. And it just did not go.
01;17;28;10 - 01;17;29;01
Sam
I didn't know that.
01;17;29;10 - 01;17;30;21
Raymell
Yeah, I think it's the only one.
01;17;30;24 - 01;17;37;06
Sam
Well, that's the whole reason why I don't know. That is because I wouldn't go there for that reason, because I didn't think they served alcohol.
01;17;37;06 - 01;17;48;00
Raymell
Yeah. There you go. Yeah. Yeah. We went to to do the opposite. We went to not drink for a second and somebody was like, Yeah, there's a bar back there. I said, Oh, well, I guess we're sitting back there.
01;17;49;00 - 01;17;53;18
Sam
That's crazy. Yeah, well, it's does, it touches everything.
01;17;53;19 - 01;17;57;13
Larry
It does, you know, you thought about it, you know, every waking moment.
01;17;57;17 - 01;17;57;29
Sam
Yeah.
01;17;58;06 - 01;17;59;02
Raymell
What a mess.
01;17;59;06 - 01;18;00;10
Larry
Yeah, yeah.
01;18;01;06 - 01;18;01;22
Raymell
Oh My.
01;18;01;22 - 01;18;13;01
Sam
Goodness. And I think that's why, like you said, you know, being on the other side of it now, you appreciate it, and now you look forward to it. You know, I do. I, I look forward every day.
01;18;13;01 - 01;18;13;23
Larry
Yeah. You know.
01;18;13;24 - 01;18;50;27
Sam
Um, where before I remember some days I would get the shakes, you know, because I knew I was to have to go to work. And it was because I wasn't taking care of the things I was supposed to be taken care of. Yeah. You know, Or I was going to have to deal with something that I knew was coming up and it would like, bother me, you know, and, and, and now the thing is, is that it it is a perspective deal to to up to a certain point because it's also implementing the tools that you need to do to get that perspective.
01;18;50;27 - 01;19;03;13
Sam
You know, So it's just it's great. I'm glad that you were able to do that and have that relationship with your son and he's able to. Oh, to to appreciate it. What's his name?
01;19;03;22 - 01;19;04;11
Larry
Lorenzo.
01;19;04;15 - 01;19;08;19
Sam
Lorenzo. Shout out Lorenzo. So yeah.
01;19;09;03 - 01;19;13;21
Larry
They're they're all very supportive. They, you know, I'll post the coin when I get a coin.
01;19;13;23 - 01;19;14;06
Raymell
Yeah.
01;19;14;11 - 01;19;22;09
Larry
You know we have, we have a group group side, whatever that's called again the red group. The red. And he and I'll because, they're all over the country but it seems like.
01;19;22;09 - 01;19;24;08
Raymell
Anyway hockey's down so Yeah.
01;19;24;15 - 01;19;30;28
Larry
But I'll post the coin and they all come back. So they've all been very supportive and God knows the damage I've done to them.
01;19;30;28 - 01;19;32;02
Raymell
But uh, yeah.
01;19;32;10 - 01;19;32;21
Larry
You know.
01;19;32;21 - 01;20;04;15
Sam
Yeah. There's one, one other thing that, you know, I want to point out it if somebody were to look at your, at your life from, from 50,000 feet up, you've been successful, you know, in that you got kids that are on college, daughter married, um, you know, a wife. You, you had a career and retired. You were in the Marine Corps.
01;20;05;02 - 01;20;40;07
Sam
Um, you know, and it's amazing to me how we get into addiction, how people get into addiction late in life. Yeah. How, how hard that's got to be. Because I know how hard it is for me and for for somebody that that has lived a life who lives, who has said because because if anybody has a nobody has a right to drink or I guess they do.
01;20;40;07 - 01;20;46;05
Sam
But but you have done so to speak, your part.
01;20;47;08 - 01;21;07;04
Larry
Yeah. Yeah. But along that way I did damage too. Yeah. In what I, you know, in meetings. I used to see it a lot. I haven't lately, but, you know, some of the younger folks I tell them and don't let it get as far as I did. You know, you're going to miss out on so much of life.
01;21;07;23 - 01;21;17;00
Larry
Um, and I look back, I, you know, I, I there's a lot of times that I could I like, like you had said earlier, I was there, but I wasn't.
01;21;17;00 - 01;21;17;28
Raymell
There, Right? Yeah.
01;21;18;07 - 01;21;21;03
Larry
And it could have been more quality, fulfilling time.
01;21;21;04 - 01;21;38;19
Raymell
Could have been just way more present. You know, you missed so many opportunities. The younger people, too. Yeah, because, you know, I started early, but it wasn't so much, you know, it was partying. I partied lot, so I drank a lot. But if I didn't go to a party that week, I wouldn't drink a beer that week. Yeah.
01;21;38;20 - 01;21;59;01
Raymell
You know, and it wasn't until I got into like, I'd my late twenties, early thirties, and that's when it became a thing. It didn't help that I got a job at a brewery and all that, know what I mean? But that's when it started to happen and missed so many opportunities because of that jobs that I would have taken.
01;21;59;01 - 01;22;12;18
Raymell
But I'm not going to take it because there's a drug test or I'm not, you know, because they random test and I'm not going to stop smoking and doing this and that or I don't like those hours because when am I going to get to drink? You know?
01;22;12;18 - 01;22;33;08
Sam
So, yeah, well, everybody has their own path to it, you know, that's for sure. Something that because nobody was going to be able to tell me not to, not to drink. Right. I had to come to it on my own. And and that's the problem with this disease is that, you know, most people have some people don't make it to that.
01;22;33;08 - 01;23;02;09
Sam
Like you said, some people don't make it out of it. Yeah. Some people end up dying because of it. And or any institution or in prison, you know, that's all it leads to. And so to you know, I think about how I set up this podcast, you know, and I wanted always like, you know, because they say, do a segment here, do a segment there, and then bring it all home, whatever, you know.
01;23;02;09 - 01;23;42;17
Sam
And one of the things I was thinking about was what would a question I would pose is what would be something that you would say to somebody, to your younger self or to to to somebody that is trying to quit, wants to quit that maybe has an idea. But it's kind of hard for me to do that because I don't know because I know that people aren't going to quit unless they're ready, unless they know that unless they've met their that they want to stop digging that hole.
01;23;43;11 - 01;24;05;04
Larry
You know, the the friend that I mentioned to you about who passed away, um, you know, he's was, uh, sober for several years and he would go out and or when there was somebody in the family that was struggling, he was the one that would talk to them. And I remember him always coming back and saying, you know, I can't help if they don't want to help themselves.
01;24;05;04 - 01;24;23;10
Larry
Yeah, you know, I'll do the best I can. And so you think about that. You can't you know, you can't help somebody if they don't not want to help themselves. But if I were to tell somebody, you know, look at some of the things you're going to miss out on, they that still may not make a lot of sense.
01;24;23;10 - 01;24;23;21
Sam
Yeah.
01;24;24;11 - 01;24;29;03
Larry
But if if you you know, you kind of you can equate it to the movie I think it was click.
01;24;30;07 - 01;24;31;20
Raymell
Oh yeah.
01;24;31;20 - 01;24;35;08
Larry
Sandler Everything he missed. Uh, uh, with that.
01;24;35;15 - 01;24;38;28
Sam
Remote control, I don't think I've seen the whole movie, but I know the premise of it.
01;24;38;29 - 01;24;50;17
Larry
You missed a big part of life because you wanted to do things that he wanted to do, but he would skip a lot of parts of life. Exactly. And not till the very end that he realized all the things that he missed. That's what I'll call this.
01;24;50;24 - 01;24;51;04
Raymell
Big.
01;24;51;04 - 01;25;01;15
Larry
Moment. You miss a lot of life. You know, you may like we said, you may be there, but you're not going to be there. You're not there 100% or you may not be there at all.
01;25;02;15 - 01;25;02;27
Raymell
Right.
01;25;03;12 - 01;25;12;09
Larry
And I and I, I miss a lot of life. And I don't I don't know many alcoholics that against they consider and say now I didn't miss anything because you do.
01;25;12;21 - 01;25;15;12
Raymell
You do and it goes with the territory.
01;25;15;13 - 01;25;25;18
Larry
Yeah and it it's you know that that would have to be a material that I could probably work around explaining it much that would be and then we'll talk about it.
01;25;27;08 - 01;25;31;21
Raymell
That reference makes 100. But yeah, I think.
01;25;31;23 - 01;25;31;27
Sam
You.
01;25;32;05 - 01;25;43;21
Raymell
Know all that I don't know. I'm thinking about it now It's that's the, that's a deep reference. That's Yeah. That's a perfect metaphor for how it goes. Yeah. Because you're there. Yeah. But you're not really there.
01;25;43;23 - 01;25;48;22
Larry
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And it, it, it and it doesn't, it doesn't hurt you till later. Till you realize.
01;25;49;00 - 01;25;49;07
Raymell
Right.
01;25;49;13 - 01;25;50;08
Larry
Thing I can't believe.
01;25;50;08 - 01;25;59;28
Sam
And it might be too late. Yeah. Mm. Yeah. Well I think we should end it there cause I don't know what.
01;25;59;28 - 01;26;11;04
Raymell
Else to say if you, if you're going to do that, you're going to drop a prolific bomb I think. Yeah. I think it's time that we all just internalize that. Yeah. It's.
01;26;12;05 - 01;26;26;08
Larry
It's, it's tough to think about but it's true. We all miss, we all miss some life. Not that much of you know. I like that movie, but we miss parts of life that, uh, uh, if we weren't, uh, indulge in something else, uh, we may not have missed it.
01;26;26;17 - 01;26;31;11
Raymell
Yeah, well, I didn't miss tonight. I've had a blast. Yeah. So, you guys.
01;26;31;22 - 01;26;32;04
Sam
Thank you.
01;26;33;03 - 01;26;33;28
Larry
Thank you. Thank you very much.
01;26;33;28 - 01;26;34;23
Raymell
I appreciate it.
01;26;34;27 - 01;27;11;00
Sam
I wanted to let you know, you know. I try to look see you in the room. I think at the time it was like I saw because you're Hispanic, I saw somebody I could relate to, but I also saw not necessarily a father figure. Um, but I saw somebody that resembled, you know, what I would consider, um, a father figure.
01;27;11;00 - 01;27;48;03
Sam
And, uh, it was good. It was good to know that you were there, cause you always you've never said anything out of, uh. Out of out of bounds. You never said anything that that you know, cause sometimes knives come out in those rooms when. When, when, uh, when people talk. And you've always had the right intentions. Um, at least from my point of view, and from my point of view, you have, you know, you've done a real good job, and I'm proud of you, man.
01;27;48;10 - 01;27;55;02
Sam
Uh I remember, uh, I came in right after you and or started the same week or. Yeah, I don't know. Close.
01;27;55;02 - 01;27;56;04
Larry
Very close. Yeah. Yeah.
01;27;56;04 - 01;28;14;15
Sam
And, um, you know, it was just good to have somebody else there and, you know, taking a, you know, I. I just want you to know that, you know, I thought of you that way, and. And it's been. It's been awesome knowing you.
01;28;14;15 - 01;28;21;01
Larry
I appreciate that. And, and I appreciate all the time I have. I appreciate what you do. And every if everybody knows them.
01;28;21;11 - 01;28;22;08
Raymell
Everybody knows.
01;28;22;08 - 01;28;30;24
Larry
So and that's a good thing that everybody in the rooms know you people outside of the room. Yeah. Uh, when Sam's not around, we're Sam.
01;28;31;02 - 01;28;31;18
Raymell
Exactly.
01;28;32;01 - 01;28;48;00
Larry
And because you're. You're well-liked and and and we miss you when you're not there. And you, you know, we all have our lives and, you know, going to do, you know, you take your kids to karate and stuff and that's. Yeah, that's a kick. I, I, you know, my, my, my kids were in karate too, so I, uh, I now find that that is.
01;28;48;00 - 01;28;49;14
Larry
Yeah, it kind of hurts when they get.
01;28;49;21 - 01;28;52;15
Raymell
Yeah. You don't want them to get hit, but you know, it.
01;28;52;22 - 01;28;54;11
Larry
It builds character that's sort of here.
01;28;54;12 - 01;29;03;24
Sam
Yeah, that's what I, Yeah, that's why I used to tell my nieces whenever I see something stupid and always drinking, it builds character.
01;29;03;24 - 01;29;04;04
Raymell
Uh.
01;29;04;17 - 01;29;06;13
Sam
But thank you, man. I appreciate you.
01;29;06;21 - 01;29;07;08
Larry
Thank you, guys.
01;29;07;23 - 01;29;08;02
Sam
Take you.
01;29;08;02 - 01;29;16;29
Raymell
Remember. Oh, you know, it.