Welcome to Recovery Check Ins! In this episode, we're talking addiction recovery with Lindsay. Lindsay is a former addict who has been sober for over 2 years. In this episode, we'll discuss her journey into and out of addiction, as well as some of the tools and strategies she uses to keep her recovery on track.
If you're struggling with addiction and want to learn more about how to recover, then this episode is for you. Tune in and learn from Lindsay, someone who has been through the addiction recovery journey and knows exactly what you're going through. Thanks for joining us!
Find Lindsey on https://twitter.com/@linzer_pants
#RecoverWithLinzer #thelifeofaddictionrecovery #addictionrecovery #soberlife #myaddictionstoryandrecoveryjourney #inthelifeofaddictionrecovery #howtostopdrinkingalcohol #stopdrinkingexpert #quitalcohol #addictionstories #quittingalcohol #isalcoholismadiseaseorachoice #alcoholismrecovery #alcoholaddiction #howtostopdrinkingalcohol
https://recoverycheckins.com
To watch go to https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCN2HkhKyzBkNzgtrmH95HqQ or go to https://www.recoverycheckins.com for more info.
Welcome to Recovery Check Ins! In this episode, we're talking addiction recovery with Lindsay. Lindsay is a former addict who has been sober for over 2 years. In this episode, we'll discuss her journey into and out of addiction, as well as some of the tools and strategies she uses to keep her recovery on track.
If you're struggling with addiction and want to learn more about how to recover, then this episode is for you. Tune in and learn from Lindsay, someone who has been through the addiction recovery journey and knows exactly what you're going through. Thanks for joining us!
Find Lindsey on https://twitter.com/@linzer_pants
#RecoverWithLinzer #thelifeofaddictionrecovery #addictionrecovery #soberlife #myaddictionstoryandrecoveryjourney #inthelifeofaddictionrecovery #howtostopdrinkingalcohol #stopdrinkingexpert #quitalcohol #addictionstories #quittingalcohol #isalcoholismadiseaseorachoice #alcoholismrecovery #alcoholaddiction #howtostopdrinkingalcohol
https://recoverycheckins.com
To watch go to https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCN2HkhKyzBkNzgtrmH95HqQ or go to https://www.recoverycheckins.com for more info.
00:00:18:26 - 00:00:21:11
Speaker 1
Hey, how you doing, Lindsey?
00:00:21:22 - 00:00:22:12
Speaker 2
Hey.
00:00:23:03 - 00:00:25:03
Speaker 1
You. Can you hear me still?
00:00:25:15 - 00:00:27:08
Speaker 2
Yeah. Thanks for having me.
00:00:27:22 - 00:00:37:15
Speaker 1
Yeah. Thanks for coming on, and I appreciate it. I know it was, to be honest with you, the first time I reached out to somebody on Twitter, So it was really.
00:00:37:15 - 00:00:39:08
Speaker 2
Yeah. My call.
00:00:39:18 - 00:00:41:28
Speaker 1
You know? Yeah, I had not, uh.
00:00:42:26 - 00:00:43:11
Speaker 2
Uh.
00:00:44:04 - 00:01:23:27
Speaker 1
Prior to doing this channel. I'm not a big like, a social media person, so. But anyhow, I want to get into this. And like I said, thank you for your episode 14. Um, and it's exciting, you know, the show. I just, you know, I saw in the rooms that. That we attend. I'm sure you attend them, too. Is that when you hear other people's stories and you hear them talk and talk about issues that they're going through in that moment or have gone through or whatever.
00:01:24:29 - 00:01:52:06
Speaker 1
Um, or feelings that they felt, you know, it resonates with you. And it's because when I first went into rooms, it was I was really shy. I was real like I didn't want to be there. I didn't, you know, I was I just it was just a horrible experience difference. It I made it seem horrible and it was it you know, it was it was better than what I was.
00:01:52:06 - 00:02:00:11
Speaker 1
So. But, um, I just want to start off with you. So you're from St Petersburg, Florida?
00:02:00:26 - 00:02:02:21
Speaker 2
Yeah, that's near Tampa.
00:02:03:11 - 00:02:08:07
Speaker 1
Oh, okay. Right on. You guys have the Daytona. Did that happen already.
00:02:08:07 - 00:02:08:16
Speaker 2
Or.
00:02:10:10 - 00:02:11:05
Speaker 1
530?
00:02:11:12 - 00:02:13:10
Speaker 2
Still no idea.
00:02:14:10 - 00:02:20:10
Speaker 1
It's all good. And then, um, so you're an addiction counselor now? Right?
00:02:21:00 - 00:02:24:29
Speaker 2
Yeah. It's crazy here in that area. Um.
00:02:25:19 - 00:02:29:08
Speaker 1
What the hell was that? You just something you wanted to do?
00:02:30:11 - 00:02:54:21
Speaker 2
Oh, yeah, it's. It sounds kind of crazy, like I'm making it up, but I. I was literally like, I was young and I was still drinking and using and haven't even figured out how to get sober. And I was like, I want to be a therapist or a counselor and help other people. And I was like, But my intention was like, if I did that, then I'd be able to cure myself or like help myself.
00:02:54:21 - 00:03:18:00
Speaker 2
And you hear a lot of people say that, and it's true. That's that's really what my idea was. And and I got offered a job at a place that I got sober at. Like when you're sober, he was like the owner was like, Hey, you're one of the worst clients we had. But, you know, I was a pain in the ass.
00:03:18:00 - 00:03:21:24
Speaker 2
But but I owned it, right? Yeah, sure. And it's over.
00:03:22:22 - 00:03:46:06
Speaker 1
It's awesome. Yeah, it's. It's one more thing that you have between you and using again or drinking again. You know, the same thing with the podcast. It's one more thing that I have in my way of, of, of, of me using cause yeah. Um, how long, how long ago did you start drinking? You said you think you started work like early.
00:03:46:06 - 00:04:09:01
Speaker 2
I'm so, I'm 35 now. Um, I originally got sober when I was like 24. I had two major relapses in the past ten years. Luckily, they didn't last very long and I was able to get back up. But those, yeah, they, they say.
00:04:09:08 - 00:04:12:18
Speaker 1
They it's progressive. It just gets worse every time.
00:04:14:03 - 00:04:42:25
Speaker 2
Yeah. Like I don't like I had almost four years clean and sober and I was like an intern counselor at a rehab and I met a guy and he was a counselor there with me and we got married and we're divorced now. But yeah, like, I don't know what happened. And we have a son together, and, you know, hopefully he's he gets sober.
00:04:42:25 - 00:04:53:16
Speaker 2
But, you know, I don't know. But yeah, like, yeah, relapse is pretty intense. I was doing stuff I never thought I would do.
00:04:53:20 - 00:05:18:22
Speaker 1
Yeah. The stuff that we do in our addiction, you know, it's like it's crazy. You look at you look at it, you go, Who was that person? You know, like, why? Why would I even consider doing I would never make those those decisions, you know, now, let alone, you know. Right. But, you know, for me, it was as little as a year ago, you know, so it's is is just crazy.
00:05:18:22 - 00:05:22:29
Speaker 1
But. So you started you had a you said you had got.
00:05:23:22 - 00:05:24:12
Speaker 2
You went.
00:05:24:21 - 00:05:27:19
Speaker 1
To a f 15, you went to.
00:05:28:24 - 00:05:29:09
Speaker 2
A.
00:05:29:10 - 00:05:30:01
Speaker 1
Football game.
00:05:30:27 - 00:05:56:00
Speaker 2
Oh yeah. Okay. So homecoming game, you know, homecoming game. It's like in the beginning, at the beginning of the year, the my ninth grade, I'm a freshman and like, school just started and there's this, like, hot guy that sat in front of me and one of my classes, and he is talking to this girl across the classroom with big boobs, and she's so pretty.
00:05:56:00 - 00:06:27:14
Speaker 2
And I looked at her like, Oh my God. And she she was talking one day about, Oh my God, I got drunk at the football game and and with these guys and this and that, and I'm like, and she got all the guys attention and it sounds silly now saying it, but, but it's the reality of it that like I looked at that and I was like, I want to but in that I like I want the guys to look at me like I want to be cool and I was shy and a good student, you know, and I didn't have many friends.
00:06:27:14 - 00:06:49:06
Speaker 2
And so that was kind of like, Oh, so I got drunk. I have made this plan. I'm going to get drunk. Well, to my friends at the football game and I'm gas, I'm stumbling around and blacked out. I blacked out the first time I got drunk. I thought that was normal. I guess it's not. So I learned that a few years after.
00:06:49:23 - 00:07:05:27
Speaker 2
Yeah, your parents told on me and the cops came and got me. And then my mom came and got me and I was like, crying. Got kicked out of school and I was like, I'm going to do it again. Like.
00:07:07:06 - 00:07:11:01
Speaker 1
That's that's a that's an alcoholic right there.
00:07:11:02 - 00:07:12:26
Speaker 2
I've found something that works. Yeah.
00:07:13:10 - 00:07:23:01
Speaker 1
Yeah. Well, most people most people stop and go, Okay, that was bad. Let me not do that. And we're like, Oh, that was fun. Let's try it again.
00:07:23:21 - 00:07:37:07
Speaker 2
I think maybe there was like a week or two where I was like, very ashamed and just, you know, the parents were on me and I was like, damn. Like, I don't want to be getting in trouble like that. And I and then it was just like, yeah.
00:07:37:24 - 00:07:39:28
Speaker 1
Like, yeah.
00:07:39:28 - 00:07:44:12
Speaker 2
You know, So I should have known then something. But you.
00:07:44:25 - 00:07:48:19
Speaker 1
You were a teenager. You were. I mean, that's not that. Yeah, you should be.
00:07:48:24 - 00:07:51:29
Speaker 2
Like, everybody does this, like everybody gets in trouble.
00:07:53:14 - 00:08:25:10
Speaker 1
Yeah. Yeah, they do. You know, I was kind of the same way I wanted to. Oh, I just wanted to do the things that nobody else was willing to do. I wanted to try it all, you know, So kind of same. Same in that to get that reaction of, Oh, look at me type, you know, I want to when I walk into a room when I was in high school, I wanted to walk into a room and people say, who's that guy?
00:08:25:11 - 00:08:28:27
Speaker 1
You know, whispering under the breath? Who's that guy? Who's that girl? You know, that.
00:08:28:27 - 00:08:32:09
Speaker 2
Type, you know, is Exactly.
00:08:33:25 - 00:08:46:24
Speaker 1
Yeah, that's crazy. I know, But so you're so you get into that. How far do you get? I mean, obviously it does it progress.
00:08:46:24 - 00:08:47:13
Speaker 2
Oh, like.
00:08:47:13 - 00:08:49:20
Speaker 1
Right away or does it for you.
00:08:50:03 - 00:09:17:22
Speaker 2
Yeah. So I'll tell you, I'll give you a little timeline if you want. Yeah. Yeah. So I go to this alternative school, they call it the magnet school, and I just learn how to be bad. They're like my I like, sneak out of my house, like all this stuff. Like poor parents, like, like I was drinking and I blacked out every time I drink.
00:09:19:17 - 00:09:48:29
Speaker 2
And I was like, binge drinking, you know, like, I didn't know. Wasn't like I didn't start off drinking all the time. I was binge drinking. I thought I was just partying like a normal teenager. I started smoking pot and I didn't really like pot, but I did it anyway, you know, cause a lot of people started smoking cigarets because school and then I started doing pills.
00:09:48:29 - 00:10:22:29
Speaker 2
Actually, I don't remember. It's so fuzzy for me, a lot of it, because I think my mind was once to shut down a lot of it and not remember it to protect me. But I remember doing a lot of like benzos and, you know, like Xanax and all that stuff. And I thought, like, I found something amazing there because I was getting in trouble with the alcohol after a couple of years, you know, like my parents didn't want me drinking, right, So they could smell it on me.
00:10:22:29 - 00:10:32:10
Speaker 2
And I was sloppy. And then I found benzos and it was like alcohol in solid form for me. And I was like, Why.
00:10:33:09 - 00:10:35:09
Speaker 1
Pop a pill? Nobody ever knew.
00:10:35:09 - 00:11:02:22
Speaker 2
Yeah. And so that but then I would, I would drink on the pills and yeah, so that was, it was just a disaster. But yeah, it progressed like I remember progressed fairly quickly. And then I went through a breakup was like 10th or 11th grade and I just lost it. Like I started doing heavy drugs, like ecstasy all the time, and that's when I was big.
00:11:03:10 - 00:11:43:03
Speaker 2
Yeah. You know, how many years ago was that? Yeah. Like, I don't even know, like the ecstasy pills. So dangerous, right? And just, like, whatever, like, or take it, you know, And I lost one bunch of weight and everything, but during that time, the next ten years or so, 15, 12, 15 years, I had been in and out of psych ward like three or four times and arrested maybe ten times.
00:11:43:20 - 00:12:13:02
Speaker 2
And so I like I was a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde kind of drunk and like that. That brought on guilt for me because I couldn't figure out, like, why I was such a different person when I drank. Like I was very violent, I was black, I would get violent, and I was like, so ashamed of that. I mean, that was something that was really hard for me to get through for like years sober because I was like, That's not me.
00:12:14:05 - 00:12:39:18
Speaker 2
It's a weird thing. Yeah, You know, So I went to prison like this. Like what? Like I went to prison and I got arrested after I still drink and use drugs after that, you'd think that that would be enough. You know, I kind of grew up privileged in the way of like, you know, I'm an only child of my parents.
00:12:39:18 - 00:13:03:06
Speaker 2
I wouldn't say like, wealthy, but like we were okay And, like, getting in trouble, like, daddies are going to save you. Like, like it was like I had this weird mindset that, like, I could do whatever I want. I don't know how to explain it. It seems crazy now, looking back at it, but so then it was like a rude awakening.
00:13:03:06 - 00:13:28:08
Speaker 2
I went to prison. I mean, literally go into prison was a huge part of my process of getting sober. Like it kind of jolted me, man. Like like shit works different in there, you know? Like, I was like 22, 28, 23. And that was towards the end of my drinking and what I had done to go to prison was I was blacked out one day.
00:13:28:24 - 00:13:55:01
Speaker 2
And then like, and I remember how I was like 18 or 19, 19 of day drinking after drinking the night before, a bunch of some group of dudes. And we're at this bar in St Pete Beach and popping pills. And I just remember sitting outside and then, boom, blackout. I remember being on the phone and blackout. I remember waking up and walking like, no shit.
00:13:55:01 - 00:14:09:23
Speaker 2
Like, that's really what happened. Yeah. And I still don't really know what happened. I just know that I punched I punched two cops when they're trying to arrest me. And I was, like, justifying it by they were trying to arrest me.
00:14:10:14 - 00:14:13:20
Speaker 1
Yeah. Like, well, you know, why would they? Why would they do that?
00:14:14:14 - 00:14:39:03
Speaker 2
Yeah, like with I was, like, going on a rampage and hit a cab driver and, like, I punched him for some reason. No idea. I spent blood in his face. I don't know. That's just what the police report says. Like, I don't know. Like, where'd you get blood from? And I had to cut all my head, like my mug shot, like I have a Band-Aid on my chin.
00:14:39:03 - 00:14:54:12
Speaker 2
It's. It's. I had to put it on my head to cause, like, my friend just made me so bad, like, oh, my God, so bad. I was like, blood in my head. Yeah. And like, I went through, like, all these shirts is just so I was, like, in a wheelchair because they, like, hogtied me because I was, like, unruly.
00:14:54:26 - 00:15:26:02
Speaker 2
Like, what the fuck? Like, so crazy. But I didn't know that I wasn't crazy. I was just like, an alcoholic addict, whatever you want to say. But I didn't know that for a while. I didn't know that until after I had a prison. And I was like, I was abstinent for a year in prison. And I had like, all these, like, wonderful thoughts, like when I'm in prison, like I'm journaling every day and I'm like, Oh, this is beautiful.
00:15:26:02 - 00:15:29:13
Speaker 2
Like, you know, I had this awakening and then.
00:15:30:12 - 00:15:31:21
Speaker 1
Your ass was on fire.
00:15:32:02 - 00:15:49:24
Speaker 2
Yeah, man. And I get out with, like, the thing is, like, I didn't I didn't learn anything about my disease, right? Like, I didn't know what this shit is that I got. I didn't know yet, and so I had to. Hmm.
00:15:50:04 - 00:15:51:21
Speaker 1
You didn't gain any tools?
00:15:52:03 - 00:15:53:03
Speaker 2
No, because it was.
00:15:53:03 - 00:15:54:13
Speaker 1
Just kind of white knuckle in it.
00:15:54:29 - 00:16:14:11
Speaker 2
Yeah, I was white knuckling it, but I didn't know what white knuckling was. It was. Yeah, I hadn't yet understood what a real alcoholic was, you know, like, I just knew, like, I was. I felt like I was a bad I was bad. I didn't know that I had, like, a disease or illness or whatever you want to call it.
00:16:15:26 - 00:16:36:15
Speaker 2
And I didn't find out until, like, I went back to using like two weeks after I thought I was going to go back to how it began, where I'm in a moderately public gallery there. And that's when my mind tells me that, like, we're just going to, you know, we're just going to do this and do that and take a pill or drink a little bit.
00:16:37:12 - 00:17:00:29
Speaker 2
And the tolerance like and it progresses so quickly. And then before you know it, I'm just like out of control. So I called rehab myself. Like, that was crazy for me to do that. Like I was beaten down. Yeah, I use my mom's insurance. She had good insurance and I was under 26, and it was back in the day when the insurance actually would get you somewhere.
00:17:01:24 - 00:17:07:07
Speaker 1
Yeah. So you were you were Baker act that you said three times. That's a Florida thing, right?
00:17:07:27 - 00:17:10:29
Speaker 2
Oh, yeah. Yeah. I think they call it 5150 over there, right?
00:17:11:12 - 00:17:11:17
Speaker 1
Yeah.
00:17:12:03 - 00:17:44:27
Speaker 2
Yeah yeah, yeah. Baker act. And so they threw me into the psych ward for they had like 72 hours. I would, I was a cutter when I drank and used, which is very interesting because sober I never had those thoughts, but I would get drunk and sloppy and I would just I would just be so, like, crying and miserable.
00:17:44:27 - 00:18:04:24
Speaker 2
And I'm like, I felt like, you know, I'm a loser because I can't stop drinking. I can't stop using. And it was kind of like a pitiful thing, like, you know, and but so they would drag me in there, like, you can't just, like, cut yourself, you know, like, yeah, I'm I'm trying to kill myself now. I can.
00:18:04:24 - 00:18:14:25
Speaker 2
I can joke about it now. It's not funny at all, obviously, but but that's just kind of how you know, that's how crazy the drugs and alcohol made me, like, out of my mind.
00:18:15:14 - 00:18:45:27
Speaker 1
Yeah, I mean, completely. Set aside yourself, you know, it's not it's not stuff that you would normally do on a regular basis. You know, I, I, I like to say. So when I was 15, I, I got locked up for meth. Juvenile hall did six months there. I've been hospitalized twice, once for pancreatitis, and I've also been institutionalized.
00:18:46:25 - 00:19:05:05
Speaker 1
So I only got one left. You know, I've been to jail. Been been been to an institution, been to a hospital. Only got death. So it's like, you know, that's the next thing. And I don't you know, I got to get it. Just got to get it to stop. You know, I'm I have two two boys of my own.
00:19:05:18 - 00:19:33:22
Speaker 1
They're eight twin boys. And, you know, so it's, you know, like you said, how you thought about, like, why didn't you stop or why didn't you have a wake up call during those times or why you even went back to it even after spending time? You know, I would think that having kids would have taken care of it for me, you know, And I did it, you know.
00:19:33:22 - 00:20:10:10
Speaker 1
So it was it was yeah, I mean, it was it was crazy. So, yeah, I'm glad I'm in and in recovery. And it's it's it's it's really a new perspective. And the tools that I have now that bring awareness, you know, bring awareness of of my thoughts and my feelings. And and even with those thoughts and feelings, they don't have to be they're not a truth in any way, you know.
00:20:11:24 - 00:20:36:11
Speaker 1
So it just it helps me to to say to to really recognize those when that when those things happen and say, okay, this is what it is and, you know, this is what I got to do. You know, I got I got a plan. I got things that that I can that I do personally that helps me get through it.
00:20:36:23 - 00:20:50:15
Speaker 1
And, you know, because they say, you know, we have a seven out of ten chance of or seven out of ten of us reuse three, you know, get back in it, you know.
00:20:50:25 - 00:20:51:07
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00:20:51:09 - 00:21:05:08
Speaker 1
And five survive. Yeah. So it's yeah, it's, it's crazy. So, so what were you, when did you realize that you had a problem? Was that when you were locked up?
00:21:06:22 - 00:21:41:08
Speaker 2
I knew before I knew along the way like it was a process for me. Like I knew. I knew I was developing a tolerance. And I it got to the point to where if I wasn't under the influence of something like all the time, it's all part about like I couldn't that was the worst. Like I just remember like me and I had to have it and it was like that hopeless feeling of like, man.
00:21:41:08 - 00:22:12:02
Speaker 2
And then I'm doing, I'm doing I remember, you know, I'm shooting crack in my neck, you know, going, Oh, shit. And then heroin and fentanyl and and I'm like, Oh my God. Like, I don't even, like crack. Like, I don't even, like, like, sucks. Like, I don't even like that high, but like, I did because, like, I literally would do anything that was going to get me outside of myself, like, man, because it isn't about the substance, right?
00:22:12:02 - 00:22:33:15
Speaker 2
Like, like some substances, like, yeah, obviously like more than others. Right? And that's my go to. But, but overall it's like, what do you got? You know, what do you have? Like, I'm going to do this, I'm gonna do that. And I always thought, like, I'm going to find this perfect mixture, a combination of drugs or alcohol, but I could use.
00:22:33:15 - 00:22:35:20
Speaker 2
Yeah, okay. Yeah.
00:22:36:00 - 00:22:48:14
Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah. It's in the big that you know how, how, how you use what you're going to use, what time of day. You know, it's all that stuff. I know that same exact feeling.
00:22:48:15 - 00:23:12:00
Speaker 2
You know, like, yeah, like with the money and this and that and God man. And then waking up dopesick and just being like, well, got all the job. Like, what is a job? You know, just like, I'm going to go ask my parents when I go trick somebody to get their money, I'm going to go do that. Somebody that is like, This isn't living, man.
00:23:12:00 - 00:23:32:05
Speaker 2
I think I think it's just like the same old shit every day was just like, you know, I stopped getting high, you know, And I and I've kind of some silly, you know, if someone here is like, What do you mean? You stop getting high? Like you're doing it. You're doing drugs. Like, like I'm high, but, like, the shit's not out of my head.
00:23:32:05 - 00:23:58:09
Speaker 2
Like. Like it's there and I'm still miserable. Yeah, I'm still with myself, but it's like it doesn't work anymore. And so I'm stuck with myself, and I'm like, I remember being like, I'm either going to get fucking sober, I'm not going to get sober and do the damn thing, or I'm just going to or I'm going to go hard and go out there and just die because I can't.
00:23:59:07 - 00:24:29:04
Speaker 2
I figure it out. I tried so many times to figure it out like I can't have a normal life. And whatever normal is, I just mean like a life with any substances because I'm just I just can't do it. Like it's either I have the substances in my nonsense over here and my and my selfishness and do whatever the hell I want and lose my kid and and do this and do that or or I can have this good life over here.
00:24:29:15 - 00:24:37:00
Speaker 2
Well, you know what our mindset is, is like, Oh, if I want to do that work, yeah, I want to go on using.
00:24:37:29 - 00:24:39:21
Speaker 1
That addiction protects itself.
00:24:41:05 - 00:25:08:14
Speaker 2
Yeah, it's strong as hell, man. Like. And when I had relapsed that self knowledge, like I was like, oh, well, I'll be like, get sober again. Like, I've done this, like I've done this. That's nonsense. Because a lot of us intuitively like, know what to do, especially if we relapse. But like, if I don't put that shit in action right, there's nothing.
00:25:08:14 - 00:25:17:24
Speaker 2
And I tried. Like, I was like, Why isn't this working? Why wasn't doing anything? What's this thing? It happened. Yeah.
00:25:18:14 - 00:25:50:03
Speaker 1
Yeah. If you want it. They say I was here are counselors that I see. They. They tell me if you want something different, you have to do something different. And you only have to change. The only thing you have to change is everything. So yeah, I mean, everything is God, because when you're in it, you know, when you're in it, it is so hard for you to see past that addiction.
00:25:50:03 - 00:26:10:20
Speaker 1
You're like in a fog, you know, like in a I don't know, It's just like you said, you know, I used to when me and my wife would go out of town, we would I would plan hotels around. I would look to see where the hotel was. And then I would say, okay, there's a liquor store. There's a liquor store, There's a liquor store.
00:26:10:27 - 00:26:29:23
Speaker 1
And so I knew where those were. And, you know, I had a routine, okay, this, you know, the night, night before, I would go to bed and I would I would think, okay, what do I what time do I go to get up so that way I can get up before she gets up and the kids get up, you know, And then and then.
00:26:29:23 - 00:26:46:16
Speaker 1
Okay. And then I got to have make sure I have enough money to get two bottles, you know, or whatever or or 6:00 in the morning, you know, going and and waiting at the store at 558. Because here at six is when they open up the liquor.
00:26:47:11 - 00:26:48:29
Speaker 2
So really 6 a.m..
00:26:49:09 - 00:27:11:22
Speaker 1
6 to 4 or 6 to 2 is when it's when you can't six in the morning, six in the morning 2 a.m.. So we would so that you know, I would be there at 558 waiting to get it, you know, because I would be shaking and I would be just I had to have it before I brush my teeth before I did anything else.
00:27:11:22 - 00:27:34:26
Speaker 1
It was part of my daily routine. Try to plan that out on a regular basis. Was was hard, was was just I was just tired of it. So I understand what you mean when you say that you didn't get hired anymore. You know, I understand that because that's the same way I was. I wasn't high anymore and it wasn't do anything for me, even if I was filling a bus, it was nothing like I was just miserable.
00:27:35:10 - 00:27:37:09
Speaker 1
I was a miserable person.
00:27:38:10 - 00:28:11:23
Speaker 2
The upkeep of it is so much work. Yeah, I like I just was talking about this earlier with someone and I remember my mom being like, you know, it must be nice to go party every day and, like, no responsibilities. I'm like, I'm freaking miserable, man. Like, I'm. I hate myself more than you hate me. You know, like, it's a it's a it's there's no payoff.
00:28:11:23 - 00:28:32:05
Speaker 2
And so but to answer your question, sorry, I found out that it's just like all that stuff compiles, you know? You know how it is. And. And you're like, I just can't do this anymore, man. Like. Like something's got to give. I'm either going to kill myself. I literally had a thought, like, I'm going to give my son, I have a six year old son.
00:28:33:27 - 00:28:59:15
Speaker 2
And I was like, he was I got sober again when he was one. And I was like, man, I mean, they're going to like, give them to my mom or like, and I'm just going to like, kill myself because I can't stop. Yeah, unfortunately I did relapse after that, But but that was I like I got back off as soon as I could and I was scary.
00:28:59:15 - 00:28:59:27
Speaker 2
Shit.
00:29:01:04 - 00:29:35:21
Speaker 1
Yeah, that's it. I mean, not to give anybody any excuses that watches this to, to go out there drunk or to go relapse. But that's in our nature to miracle every day that we don't that we're not using, that we aren't drinking, you know, because that's for us to have that disease, that allergy. You know, it's it's it's it's crazy that that we have today clean, you know.
00:29:37:10 - 00:29:38:04
Speaker 2
Every day.
00:29:38:04 - 00:30:01:19
Speaker 1
Like every day It's it's crazy. What were some of your so you say you got sober what were some of those in the first like 30 days of getting sober? What were some of the emotions and feelings that you had, if you can recall it, any any anything stand out?
00:30:01:19 - 00:30:30:03
Speaker 2
I originally like I couldn't complete sentences like I was just like that. Like like I couldn't complete sentences. I'm so scared of everything. Like it was intense. Like, I just remember, like when I was forced to go to meetings at the treatment center that I went to. And I'm so glad that they made me go there as the guy that worked there.
00:30:30:03 - 00:30:52:03
Speaker 2
Phil He became my best friend, but he he was like, Get your ass going in that 7 a.m. meeting. Like, again, a scary one. Man. But when I was like, I like had an IED attack and I'm like, freaking out, like, everybody's looking at me. They're talking about like, meltdown, right? And like, it's everything. And if you.
00:30:52:03 - 00:30:53:18
Speaker 1
Were girls around you.
00:30:55:01 - 00:31:16:24
Speaker 2
That's literally and that's literally what he said to me. Who's like, I don't know if you know this, but like, you're not that important. What are you talking about? Do you know who I am? No, but seriously, like, that's that's how we are. And I had that for, like, for 30 days. Longer than that. Like, it took me a year before.
00:31:18:24 - 00:31:34:18
Speaker 2
I don't want to say like before. I felt like normal, because after a month or two, you start clearing out, you know, And like, I felt better every day. I think that's weird. Feeling like super normal, though, after a year, probably.
00:31:35:16 - 00:32:02:23
Speaker 1
But yeah, the same with me. I was similar, you know, just I was just a I was like, I was it. It was like something was still holding on. Like, come on, man. Like, I was still making reservations. You know, we learned about making reservations for the future. You know that. Oh, well, when this happens, I'm going to I'm going to get I'm going to drink.
00:32:02:23 - 00:32:23:07
Speaker 1
Or when this happens, you know, you're really with us. I carry the allergy. We can't. We can no longer touch it. Like there's no there's no going back. There's no right, no situation and no death, no anything. So we got to learn how to live.
00:32:23:07 - 00:32:46:14
Speaker 2
You brought that up right there real quick. I, I had to. I remember I had to get a new phone number and I had to call in my prescription for my pills and say, you know, and I cried about that like I was upset. I was like, breaking up with my pills. But that was my reservation. Like, I had them in the pharmacy for months.
00:32:46:26 - 00:33:09:29
Speaker 2
You had to do it. And that was kind of that was very freeing. Like it does, it gets easier, you know? And I don't want to sound doom and gloom when I when I was saying, Oh, you're it. It gets better every day. And it starts literally within weeks of putting the drugs and alcohol down. But it just yeah, it's just a process, you know, Every day is better.
00:33:10:21 - 00:33:22:10
Speaker 1
Yeah. What are some of the tools that you've learned that help you with your triggers and what are your triggers? Do you have any depression?
00:33:22:10 - 00:33:47:01
Speaker 2
Was is, is, is a huge one for me and I, I it got me the last time in a relapse before I even knew it. So I really try to be mindful now, like if I start feeling low, like I'm just trying to be like mindful about, you know, my ups and my downs and keep myself even keeled because that's a trigger for me.
00:33:48:15 - 00:34:22:07
Speaker 2
Rejection is a huge trigger for me, you know, just, just that feeling of being left out or, I don't know, just, just that feeling of rejection and non-reality. And I think just as a person not being loved. And so I just I really watch my I like what I have to do, like my tools is over support network number one.
00:34:22:07 - 00:34:50:12
Speaker 2
And I know a lot of us say that, but is true. Like I always stress that like I just had to like I still do like I have to I have a couple people in recovery my circle that if I'm feeling froggy and like, you know, any kind of old behaviors like, oh, I'm, you know, from being manipulative or from lying, doing the same old shit that I out like leads me to bad places if it continues on and on.
00:34:50:20 - 00:35:17:27
Speaker 2
And I have a go to, you know, I have time in between doing that in a drink, if I'm lucky now that I've been sober so long. But but it wasn't always like that. And so it's like those certain old behaviors, like I have to, like, watch it like and so I'm accountable to others and myself if they notice it, if they notice me acting funny or like doing my old things, they will call me out.
00:35:19:10 - 00:35:47:17
Speaker 2
Like I have two really close friends that do that for me and they're we made a few fights about, you know, like and she, you know, they both have saved my life. So that is the number one thing. And really I am I like I'm always trying to read it and, you know, it sounds so simple, but but it's huge.
00:35:47:17 - 00:36:13:18
Speaker 2
Like trying to just read and learn about myself and others. And I learned a lot when I worked in treatment I mean, I do I but just when I started working in treatment, I learned so much. I just about even like communicating like all these things, like, I really stress, like the morning routine, like the night routine of just journaling, just all that stuff that sounds small.
00:36:13:18 - 00:36:35:05
Speaker 2
It really adds up and it really is important. And and you said it earlier about the block. It's like building blocks in between me and the drink or the drug. I got to make this law. And between me and the drug and the more shit I got up there, the better it is, you know, the more I got to run through before I fall, you know, the.
00:36:36:22 - 00:36:37:28
Speaker 1
Bigger the wall, the better.
00:36:38:25 - 00:36:42:07
Speaker 2
For real. Like, I just like. Yeah, do.
00:36:42:23 - 00:37:17:07
Speaker 1
Yeah. The support group is, is like I said by like you said, is by far the best thing even for me. You know it's I still I attend meetings and then those meetings, you know, there's a bunch of people that I've seen come and go and I just, just the fellowship, you know, of, of, of men and women are like, you know, it's just everybody kind of brings something to the table.
00:37:17:07 - 00:37:44:10
Speaker 1
And like I was saying, with the the idea of the podcast was, was from that because I got so much from hearing your story, I got so much from hearing other people's story within within the program. So or within a program, you know, any program, you know, or somebody that's white knuckle in it, whatever it is, you know, there's things that that that help people.
00:37:44:10 - 00:38:12:00
Speaker 1
And, you know, I'm not a believer in just one way fixes all. We there's a bunch of different ways to do it. I know what's worked for up to this point for me because I've never been in my adult life. I'm 39 and in my adult life, I'm I don't think I've been there's I've never had two months, let alone a month, you know, I've never had a couple I've had a couple of days here and there.
00:38:12:00 - 00:38:17:20
Speaker 1
I've had a month here and there. But it's never been anything like like what it is now.
00:38:17:20 - 00:38:19:21
Speaker 2
And it's cool.
00:38:20:10 - 00:38:38:02
Speaker 1
Yeah, I'm, I'm head over heels for it and I'm trying to really just live it and be of service to, to, to other people, you know, and hopes that it is the little things It's not you don't have to go out of your way and pick up everybody and.
00:38:38:19 - 00:38:39:00
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00:38:39:10 - 00:38:46:14
Speaker 1
And, and and you know available to everybody. It's just a little thing here and there so.
00:38:47:14 - 00:39:14:12
Speaker 2
Um, so a lot of good stuff there. Yeah, just, just being available to others if they're having if you're having a trigger. I told my clients to freaking call me and just be like, I'm having, I'm having thoughts of this, this and this. Like, just get that shirt off your chest. Like, I'm here. You know, I don't want to do anything spectacular to help.
00:39:14:12 - 00:39:40:18
Speaker 2
I just have to, like, be there, Like, my ears are open, you know, like, right, That's what we do. And this podcast, like, such a great idea, like being of service. Like, it's it's freaking cool when you would contact me and I look at yourself like Damien, like, that's, that is like, really like living recovery to like, what better way to share what you've been really giving, you know, to just be there and be available to others.
00:39:40:18 - 00:40:07:29
Speaker 2
So I think that's cool, man. That's kind of what I, what my idea was. I just like made a Twitter like, I don't know, like, and I'm like, I, I've, I've done enough, you know, picking myself up and falling down and picking up again. I've learned a little bit along the way that if if I can share it, like maybe someone else doesn't have to like, bump their head on the walls many and like, you know, like.
00:40:08:19 - 00:40:10:03
Speaker 1
Get arrested ten times.
00:40:11:02 - 00:40:34:15
Speaker 2
Right? Like you don't to like we've done for you. Like, like, let me help you cut out some of these stats, you know, and. Yeah, but, but I did one thing that like was amazing that really does people sober not on its own, but being able to work with other people like I know, I do it for my job.
00:40:34:15 - 00:41:07:14
Speaker 2
You know, I'm a counselor and I do that for my job, but I have to do other stuff like outside of that, that's not my only program. So that's kind of like the whole idea, like at my free time, like I'm about recovery and that's just kind of what I had to do. Like in the beginning, I had to go to two or three meetings or, you know, whatever day I, you know, of whoever I'd meet be meeting other people and talk to sober people like I just had to and not everybody asked you, but I was scared to death.
00:41:07:14 - 00:41:13:27
Speaker 2
And I had I don't have a job. So, you know, it's like I feel I got this.
00:41:14:15 - 00:41:17:19
Speaker 1
Yeah, plenty of time, basically.
00:41:17:19 - 00:41:17:29
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00:41:18:17 - 00:42:01:13
Speaker 1
Yeah, that's cool. What? I was also, you know, I was going to tell you that for for me, going back to my question on when you thought you had a problem. You know, for me, when I when I first learned that I don't have control over this thing, I had like this immense it was twofold. I had this immense shame and like, I wanted to crawl in the corner and, you know, I'm it's like everything that I thought in my mind that I was came crawling down my whole front.
00:42:02:18 - 00:42:31:11
Speaker 1
My front was just was gone. I mean, it was it was like I was naked. Everybody could see what I what I truly was. And but on the flip side of that is that it brought an immense peace over me, knowing that I could knowing that I had this issue. It was out there for all to see, all I was baring it all.
00:42:32:27 - 00:43:04:14
Speaker 1
So it's was like, This is who I am, you know, that's why I don't have an issue talking about it at all in front of, you know, people who may see this or or, you know, even my loved ones, my parents, my my brothers, my sisters, my wife. You know, it's just it this is it gave me a chance to really to really open up and allow people to see me for who I am and not for what I was trying to put out.
00:43:04:14 - 00:43:08:26
Speaker 1
You know? Did you experience similar to that?
00:43:09:13 - 00:43:37:04
Speaker 2
Yeah. I loved how you just said that. Like the mask or the mask that we wear. Yeah, I don't think that I knew who I was. I mean that. I mean, a lot of us don't. And That's kind of a process and. But that's the whole freaking thing about recovery. Yeah. I get to, I have to, like, create myself, discover myself, you know, because I don't know who I was.
00:43:37:04 - 00:43:59:11
Speaker 2
Like, I was just like, whatever you wanted me to be. I was a chameleon who just wanted to. Just wanted to fit in. And and and now it's like discovering myself. Like, who is the real Lindsey? Like, what do I want to do? Like, what do I want to do with my life? I could do anything, you know, like, I want to.
00:43:59:21 - 00:44:22:10
Speaker 2
I want to be a good mom. I want to be I want to be the one of my community that helps others. I want to be a good person and I want to be available. I was never available before like, yeah, I want to help anybody. And you know that that's something to that has come over time. Everything, everything comes over time.
00:44:22:15 - 00:44:43:23
Speaker 2
And so realizing that, like I didn't have to change, you know, everything wasn't going to just change overnight, but I didn't need to start putting things in emotion and taking suggestions. And I just like to look at other people that, like had some clean times over time. And what are they doing over there? You know, I mean, like.
00:44:44:07 - 00:45:10:24
Speaker 1
Yeah, well, if you're like me, not only that, if you were like me speaking for myself, I've tried everything else. I've tried to quit on my own. I've tried to, to, to, to do, to do certain things, to to get it to stop. Nothing's worked. I had no other choice. You know, this was either, like you said, you were going to go full with it and just live that life.
00:45:11:12 - 00:45:31:24
Speaker 1
You're going to be about that life or you're going to you're going to change up everything. And, you know, you kind of get backed into a corner and you have that desperation to say, I'll do whatever it takes. You know, what do I got to do? You know? So now you're open. Now you had a place to where you can receive feedback.
00:45:31:24 - 00:45:41:02
Speaker 1
You may not like it, but you're open to where you can start, to start to build yourself up and build those blocks up one by one.
00:45:42:23 - 00:45:43:08
Speaker 2
Hell, yeah.
00:45:44:08 - 00:46:21:13
Speaker 1
So, you know, I was also going to ask you in your in your recovery now that you've have a couple of years, a few years in it, you know what as everything changed, obviously. Well I would like you know I think I know the answer. But what is what is the difference between now and maybe a year for you.
00:46:24:13 - 00:46:28:26
Speaker 2
Know, that's a tough because you're.
00:46:29:11 - 00:46:37:13
Speaker 1
You know, your first thought now isn't to drink every day is to go get a drink is to go get a is to go. You know, get your high or whatever.
00:46:38:10 - 00:46:53:15
Speaker 2
Yeah. I mean I wake up every morning and I'm like energized and I'm like, what am I gonna do today? Like, it's crazy because, like, that's not that's not like how it was like I was waking up like.
00:46:53:15 - 00:46:56:04
Speaker 1
Like my life sucks. Yeah.
00:46:57:11 - 00:47:37:08
Speaker 2
Just know how to be happy. One thing that I try to stress is like, I learned in the past, like year to actually just in the past year do like the of like not giving up. It sounds so simple right but you know I had this this certification and the counseling certification and I had to lie had a lesser certification than I had since 2015 go through the Florida certification board and this background check and a level two background check.
00:47:37:08 - 00:48:08:27
Speaker 2
And if everybody at home doesn't know what that is, it's like everything. And so there's a lot of charges that you won't pass the will check with. And I have a lot of battery charges for my days in the rodeo. And so yeah, they're they're even though they're over ten years ago they were there and they came up they're like you are denied like after like I turn in all this paperwork, right?
00:48:08:27 - 00:48:29:10
Speaker 2
And I'm like, I already had already had this background check because I was just renewing it. Right? And this was like two or three years ago, two years ago, I was renewing it. And they're like, it doesn't matter. Like we have more guidelines in place, Like it's more strict, so sorry about your lack. And I'm like, okay, no.
00:48:29:21 - 00:49:03:05
Speaker 2
So I found out how I can appeal it. And they're like, Well, you could get a background exemption, get all your charges, Explain what happened for each one, Get the police reports, get this, like ten arrests, like I'm chasing my ass. And then they're like, Prove we're rehabilitated online. So I had all the I have like hundreds of papers and everything I put together, man, like, it took me so much time, and I'm getting, like, I got letters from all sorts of people, Like, my professor wrote me a letter.
00:49:03:06 - 00:49:36:10
Speaker 2
Like that was cool. Like I graduated from addiction studies in my college and he is like a masters clinician addiction counselor, and he's like writing me a damn letter, which is cool. My good friend, who's also an author like Ellen Page, these like a licensed mental health counselor, wrote me, like, just like crazy, right? Like, like I'm so blessed, but not to get in the weeds about it too much, but so, like, I got all this stuff together and I turned it in and then like, day before Christmas, I, like, denied it.
00:49:36:27 - 00:49:55:21
Speaker 2
They denied me. So I put in and I took them to court and told the Department of Children and Families to court. I represented myself, my own lawyer. I was like my own lawyer, like I was that asshole. I was going to do that, right? Like, who does that? But but I didn't have money to, like, you know, get a lawyer and I'm like, whatever.
00:49:55:21 - 00:50:24:02
Speaker 2
Like, I'm like, I'm not giving this shit up. Like, I was so fired up and pissed and it took me a long way of being. I had that fire in me, man. And They gave me literally, like, so many stop signs and just everything they could. So they showed up to court. DCF lawyer There was a witness. They threw everything at me, like literally internal documents of like stuff I did.
00:50:24:02 - 00:50:46:00
Speaker 2
And I realized like 2016 or 17 that had to do with my kid. And I was like, all that shit hurt. But I just remember, like, I was just ball in my eyes out in the court. They like on video. And then the judge came back like two months later. This was like six months ago. And I got it to my email one day and I'm like, the judge really?
00:50:46:00 - 00:51:13:29
Speaker 2
26, 27 pages of like, why I'm right. I was like, what? Like all yeah, like, like that shit doesn't happen, you know? Yeah, that is just like, so cool because it was like, I just didn't stop and so it paid off and like, so then I turned in this other stuff, this other certification, and then this lady pushed me through all sorts of stuff there too.
00:51:13:29 - 00:51:36:02
Speaker 2
And then I took a test like a month ago. I'm like nationally certified to like, what the hell? Like, is like guys working on a treatment center all these trainings I like, I can't believe I do it because I'm like one of those people, like, I don't finish anything. And by nature was like, I don't finish anything. If I don't like it, I'm quitting and stuck with it.
00:51:36:02 - 00:51:54:22
Speaker 2
So the lesson and all that is like, get pissed off and push from that because it pays off because so many of so many people are not willing to go that to keep going. And so if you do keep going, you're going to get it's going to pay off. You know, they don't expect people to do that.
00:51:54:22 - 00:52:36:26
Speaker 1
Yeah, well, especially, you know, like for us, like you said, I am of the same nature that you are, you know, and that is I never really finished anything. You know, I I've, I have had some successes in my life outside of drinking. Um, but, you know, that's not anything compared to what I'm able to do now. And, um, you know, there's, it goes back to your story when you said about how you were like, look, I'm either going to go full on about this life or I'm going to stop, you know, and you could have easily turned and gone that other way.
00:52:38:05 - 00:52:54:29
Speaker 1
But, you know, for whatever reason, you did it. And here you are. You know, that's says a lot. Yeah. So a turn. What is something that you would tell your 16 year old self.
00:52:58:06 - 00:53:30:25
Speaker 2
Saying that's a that's a good one. I think that you're loved and you're going to be all right. You know, you don't have to you don't have to do all this stuff, you know, to go through all this. Like just be yourself and just just take it day by day, you know, just like I was going to be that bad, you know, like, as far as when we're going through those growing pains, you know, we think it's going to last forever and it doesn't, but we don't know that then.
00:53:30:25 - 00:53:36:08
Speaker 2
So you hold on pain and have hope, you know?
00:53:37:14 - 00:54:02:18
Speaker 1
Yeah, for sure. And then, uh, one other question. What would you tell somebody who's trying to quit? Who's on the fence, who thinks they have a problem? Well, who's kind of started to question whether or not they can stop? What would you tell somebody? And let me preface by saying that I don't think that there's anything that you could really sell anybody.
00:54:02:18 - 00:54:13:15
Speaker 1
It has to be within them. They have to reach their own bottom. But what would you say to encourage them?
00:54:13:15 - 00:54:51:00
Speaker 2
What would I say? That this is personal for them and this is something that this is your life, you know, and I support you either way. You know, just I just had a friend actually relapsed. And so as a they're just like, I'm I'm there. I'll meet you wherever you're at, you know, meaning like I'm there for you emotionally and whatever I can do to just be in that space with you, you know, without being in that physical space with you.
00:54:51:00 - 00:55:19:09
Speaker 2
But it's something that you've got to figure out if this is if this is if this is going to be what you're going to do. You know, is is this you're not going to live your life like that if your history of show has shown that you can't safely drink, it's not going to be able to work out.
00:55:20:19 - 00:55:45:17
Speaker 2
I got a little tongue tied there, but just, you know, if history has shown that it doesn't work for you, then, you know, just be true to yourself and know and listen, your intuition. You know, so many times I want to go against myself and what I what I know to be true from experience. So really kind of just look within and, you know, know, you know, it's your life.
00:55:45:26 - 00:55:46:09
Speaker 2
What do you want to.
00:55:46:10 - 00:56:12:00
Speaker 1
Yeah. You said something key there for me anyways. This is something that we're that I was taught is look at the evidence through the evidence of where you're at. And look, we look at your history as to what got you to where you are. You know, if you. So when, when I, when I get it in my head, for me it triggers driving home from work.
00:56:12:09 - 00:56:33:04
Speaker 1
I'm tired trucks on it's kind of cold outside So I got the heater on. I got a cup of coffee for my way home and said, you know, I'm driving. And all of a sudden it hit me, man, a drink would be nice right now, because that's all that's missing, you know, out of that scenario, because that's what I used to do, is I used to have a drink next to me.
00:56:33:04 - 00:57:11:17
Speaker 1
You know, I used to have a bottle and and you know, that that same thought when it that thought, when it comes in to me or comes to my mind, I have to push it down by remembering the evidence, remembering how I felt the days leading up to wanting a change, the days leading up to, you know, the 23rd and the 22nd of March when I got was like, you know, I got to do something, you know, when I my wife dropped me off at a mental hospital, behavioral health hospital.
00:57:11:17 - 00:57:44:26
Speaker 1
You know, it's just it it's like, look at everything. I had already been in the hospital for pancreatitis. I've had it one other time. Um, I, I had a long history of, of, of messing myself up and, and not, not that a long history of using and just abusing my body. So, you know, what's the evidence? Do I want to live like that anymore?
00:57:44:26 - 00:58:05:25
Speaker 1
I remember even just my mindset of, of how I thought and, you know, I quit my job, you know, and I have I, you know, I had a really good job and I had quit it. And I said, you know what? It's the job that's getting me. It's not the drinking. It's not, you know, me. It's it's the job.
00:58:05:25 - 00:58:34:08
Speaker 1
So I said, you know what? I got to quit. So I quit and I quit, you know, And I said, You know, I can't do this. Yeah. So it I remember that feeling and I keep it not to feel guilty about it, not to feel guilty about the things that I did, but so that I remember as I get further and further away from my day, that that is something that Do I want to feel like that or do I want to feel like how I feel right now, today?
00:58:34:18 - 00:58:56:26
Speaker 1
Because right now, today I feel great. I didn't wake up with a hangover. I didn't have I wasn't shaking this morning. You know, I didn't have to worry about what I said last night. I didn't have to worry about, you know, I checked my phone. Um, you know, it just it's it's, um. What life do I want to live and look at the evidence.
00:58:56:26 - 00:59:03:02
Speaker 1
So I just wanted to bring that up that you had mentioned that. It's such a good point.
00:59:03:02 - 00:59:36:21
Speaker 2
Yeah. That cognitive dissonance that we have is alcohol. It's not. It is real. And, and. And that's exactly what you would just said. Like just looking at the evidence of like, if I'm living in reality, I'm accepting where I really am right now. And like, what has really happened to me, I think that's super big. Part of recovery is like the truth of like where I am right now and that humility of like, yeah, man, I can't I can't pick up a drink without doing this.
00:59:36:24 - 00:59:45:18
Speaker 2
You're not like, that's reality. And that's that's hard to look at. But, but it's a must. And if I'm going to recover, you know.
00:59:46:14 - 00:59:51:14
Speaker 1
I'm sure. Sure. Yeah. Well, I appreciate you, Lindsay. All will.
00:59:51:14 - 00:59:51:19
Speaker 2
Be.
00:59:52:00 - 00:59:59:04
Speaker 1
Closing out. And thank you very much for coming on and and messaging me back. I didn't think that. Yeah, you were. I was like.
00:59:59:22 - 01:00:00:01
Speaker 2
Oh.
01:00:00:15 - 01:00:08:06
Speaker 1
It is. Well, it's hard, you know, I'm 39. I don't that's not how I meet people is.
01:00:08:13 - 01:00:13:17
Speaker 2
Like, you know, it's awesome. It's cool. Like the podcast is so kick ass.
01:00:13:28 - 01:00:17:26
Speaker 1
Yeah. So appreciate it. Keep up the good work over on Twitter.
01:00:18:10 - 01:00:19:19
Speaker 2
You too. Yeah.
01:00:19:21 - 01:00:23:18
Speaker 1
And we'll keep posting and we'll be good to go. All right.