🎙️ In this episode of Recovery with Sam, we're excited to have Chris join us for an insightful conversation about his journey to sobriety. Chris shares his experiences, the challenges he faced, and the strategies that helped him overcome addiction. 🌟
👉 Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe for more inspiring stories and valuable advice on recovery from drugs and alcohol. Together, we can support each other on the path to a healthier, happier life! 😊👍
To watch go to https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCN2HkhKyzBkNzgtrmH95HqQ or go to https://www.recoverycheckins.com for more info.
🎙️ In this episode of Recovery with Sam, we're excited to have Chris join us for an insightful conversation about his journey to sobriety. Chris shares his experiences, the challenges he faced, and the strategies that helped him overcome addiction. 🌟
👉 Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe for more inspiring stories and valuable advice on recovery from drugs and alcohol. Together, we can support each other on the path to a healthier, happier life! 😊👍
To watch go to https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCN2HkhKyzBkNzgtrmH95HqQ or go to https://www.recoverycheckins.com for more info.
00;00;00;00 - 00;00;01;08
Speaker 1
How doing Chris.
00;00;01;10 - 00;00;02;10
Speaker 3
Good, Are you?
00;00;02;13 - 00;00;08;23
Speaker 1
Good, man? Thanks for coming on. Hanging out with us. Thanks for inviting me. Yeah, for sure. How many days you have?
00;00;08;25 - 00;00;10;19
Speaker 3
Uh, 539.
00;00;10;22 - 00;00;12;26
Speaker 1
Awesome. How about you Raymell?
00;00;12;29 - 00;00;21;19
Speaker 2
Uh, 267 de Sam? I was ten. I was thinking 200 day since you had me on the first time.
00;00;21;21 - 00;00;23;00
Speaker 1
It's been 200 days.
00;00;23;02 - 00;00;28;14
Speaker 2
It's been 200 days. Who would have thought? I wouldn't have thought that I'd still be sitting right here 200 days later.
00;00;28;15 - 00;00;32;11
Speaker 1
Yeah, but you probably never. You probably didn't think you'd have 67 either.
00;00;32;14 - 00;00;39;08
Speaker 2
No, definitely not. Not stringing together a week was going to be, like, a huge accomplishment back then. Yeah.
00;00;39;10 - 00;00;52;04
Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah. So this is just a regular. We just talk about whatever you want to talk about. Where did you grow up at, Chris?
00;00;52;06 - 00;01;12;25
Speaker 3
Um, I'm originally from New York, and so, um, when I turned eight here, that's all I remember, is we my mom remarried, and then we. We came out here to Bakersfield, and, um, um, it's what I did. I did most of my growing up here.
00;01;12;28 - 00;01;13;17
Speaker 1
Yeah.
00;01;13;19 - 00;01;38;02
Speaker 3
But, uh, I just, uh, I remember I've got a, a large family in New York, and, uh, I just remember leaving all that behind and just how it was like, Oh, my cousins and everybody, what's going to happen? So then we came out here and I was just I was alone, you know, got no friends, you know, new schools, whatever, You know, this strange place.
00;01;38;05 - 00;01;51;15
Speaker 1
Yeah. You know, it was just, uh, in in New York where you guys are from. Are you from the country side of New York? Long Island. Long Island. Mostly from city. No, no. Is it not?
00;01;51;16 - 00;01;55;10
Speaker 3
It was a, um. It was not. Not, um.
00;01;55;13 - 00;01;58;00
Speaker 1
Not New York, not Manhattan. New York, New York.
00;01;58;06 - 00;02;18;12
Speaker 3
Long Island is, uh, you know, there's some. It's. It's rural. Is it woodsy? Um, you know, villages. Yeah, everything. And it's I mean, it's, you know, huge population, but, um, it's not like, uh, you know, it's not like a concrete city, like you. You get that picture when you hear New York.
00;02;18;18 - 00;02;18;29
Speaker 1
Right?
00;02;18;29 - 00;02;22;19
Speaker 3
It was more laid out like a you know, it was a lot different.
00;02;22;21 - 00;02;28;22
Speaker 2
It's not skyscraper after skyscraper. No. As the eyes can see. No, no.
00;02;28;24 - 00;02;42;22
Speaker 3
But it was, uh. Yeah, well, uh, we just. My brother and I. My my. My grandmother passed away in November, and we went my brother and I went back there, and it was, uh. It was crazy just being there.
00;02;42;22 - 00;02;46;17
Speaker 2
It was like. Had you been back since you were eight years old, or is this your first time back?
00;02;46;18 - 00;02;59;11
Speaker 3
I hadn't been there back there since I was 18, Right. And so, you know, 49 now. And so, uh, my we just we just didn't get back there. It was just.
00;02;59;13 - 00;03;06;25
Speaker 1
Going across countries. A big, big, big deal though, to, you know. Yeah. Having to get all the way back there it was.
00;03;06;27 - 00;03;13;00
Speaker 3
He made it possible. My brother said, let's go, you know, and try to get back there before Grandma passed away. But it just didn't work out.
00;03;13;07 - 00;03;13;17
Speaker 1
Yeah.
00;03;13;18 - 00;03;29;06
Speaker 3
And so, yeah, the last time I was in, like I said, I was 18, I was still, I was, uh, my addiction was not, which is one of the reasons why I moved back there when I was 18, because mom was trying to get me out of Bakersfield.
00;03;29;09 - 00;03;30;23
Speaker 2
Yeah, get away from.
00;03;30;23 - 00;03;35;04
Speaker 3
It. Yeah. Yeah, but, you know, it doesn't work. You know, uh, I, uh.
00;03;35;06 - 00;03;36;14
Speaker 2
It's not the location. It's.
00;03;36;14 - 00;03;49;02
Speaker 3
It's not. I ended up getting weed from a firefighter. I worked in a deli in New York, and I have no idea that conversation started right. You know, it was.
00;03;49;04 - 00;03;50;28
Speaker 4
You know, it just.
00;03;51;01 - 00;04;15;14
Speaker 1
It when you it's funny because I've. I've gone to when I went to Hawaii, um, back in 2012, uh, I, I went to, into a vape shop there or it was a smoke shop or something. And obviously it's not legal, but I was like, Where do I get something to smoke out of these? I just said it out loud.
00;04;15;16 - 00;04;36;01
Speaker 1
Shows go down the corner and I said, okay. So I went down to the corner. There's a dude about your height, big old Samoan dude who's huge is wide, and he as he kind of looked at me, I kind of looked at him and we just knew, you know, it's just crazy how, you know, we just knew that that's he knew that.
00;04;36;07 - 00;04;43;07
Speaker 1
That's what I was looking for. So it was just kind of weird how we do that, you know, between all of us so.
00;04;43;12 - 00;04;44;06
Speaker 2
It can recognize.
00;04;44;11 - 00;04;45;05
Speaker 1
Recognize each.
00;04;45;05 - 00;04;51;01
Speaker 3
Other. Crazy works. Yeah. It's like a that's like a different kind of group consciousness.
00;04;51;04 - 00;04;53;02
Speaker 4
It is. Yeah, it is.
00;04;53;04 - 00;05;04;03
Speaker 3
Yeah. Um, they, uh, we were talking a little bit earlier about, um, that was when I was in New York City, and I had tried cocaine for the first time.
00;05;04;05 - 00;05;06;18
Speaker 2
And that's when you were. That's when you were 18. Yeah, right.
00;05;06;20 - 00;05;07;14
Speaker 3
First and last.
00;05;07;14 - 00;05;07;25
Speaker 2
First.
00;05;08;02 - 00;05;08;28
Speaker 3
I just was not.
00;05;09;05 - 00;05;10;11
Speaker 2
Not for you.
00;05;10;14 - 00;05;12;27
Speaker 3
Not for me. And, uh, that was it.
00;05;12;29 - 00;05;17;24
Speaker 2
You know? And that's a blessing right there in itself, right? To try something and be like, you know what?
00;05;17;28 - 00;05;20;05
Speaker 3
Well, it didn't compete with what I was used to.
00;05;20;12 - 00;05;20;29
Speaker 1
Yeah.
00;05;21;01 - 00;05;27;20
Speaker 2
That's true. But, you know, with our with our addictive, you know, personalities, sometimes we'll we'll take anything you know.
00;05;27;23 - 00;05;32;09
Speaker 1
So all that and then Yeah, the cocaine. What last 45 minutes an.
00;05;32;09 - 00;05;37;19
Speaker 2
Hour depends on you know. Yeah. Great. You're talking about. But yeah about that.
00;05;37;23 - 00;05;50;27
Speaker 1
Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy that some of the chemicals we put in our bodies and now when we have medication from the doctor, we're like, No, can't take it cause you've got all this bad stuff and.
00;05;51;00 - 00;05;56;03
Speaker 2
You're always looking at the side effects on the side of the bottle, Like we like the drugs that we.
00;05;56;06 - 00;05;57;01
Speaker 4
Like in the street.
00;05;57;01 - 00;05;59;11
Speaker 2
Like we were really looking for side effects.
00;05;59;13 - 00;06;02;24
Speaker 4
It's. It's awful. Yeah, man.
00;06;02;27 - 00;06;10;00
Speaker 3
But. But I grew up here and, uh, uh, I was sharing with you earlier, I had this congenital.
00;06;10;03 - 00;06;11;16
Speaker 1
Uh, Yeah. Disease.
00;06;11;16 - 00;06;38;26
Speaker 3
And so I was really I mean, I was really tall and really slender. All my elementary school pictures. I was the centerpiece, really, because I was just tall, skinny, and my weight just, you know, was I had this abnormal looking chest, and it was rough, man. Kids rough, you know, And so that's that. I believe that was, you know, that's how I ended up on the island of Misfit Toys, man.
00;06;38;26 - 00;07;04;21
Speaker 3
I was just that was with all the other people that didn't feel like they were belong. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, whatever. Nobody judge me, you know, At least I didn't care because we were all, you know, we all had that, you know, like common, whatever. We just didn't feel like we fit in. So that and then just, you know, a lot of other, you know, family dynamics.
00;07;04;27 - 00;07;05;20
Speaker 1
Right?
00;07;05;22 - 00;07;14;11
Speaker 3
Stuff like that. Just kind of it's almost I'm not going to say it's stereotypical, but it was definitely the formula, right? You know what I'm saying?
00;07;14;11 - 00;07;15;12
Speaker 2
So no, definitely.
00;07;15;14 - 00;07;20;16
Speaker 1
How did you how did you grow up? What was it like with your with your mom growing up?
00;07;20;18 - 00;07;31;00
Speaker 3
You know what my my mother did the best she could. She could, you know, considering what she had been through.
00;07;31;01 - 00;07;34;17
Speaker 1
Right. Um, you know, um.
00;07;34;20 - 00;08;02;19
Speaker 3
There was, uh, she was shacked up with some real dirtbags, you know, She was just doing her best, you know, She was by far. She's not a codependent. She would always, you know, work and work. She'd sometimes have two jobs and, you know, and then a lot of times I didn't see her, you know. And so, uh, but, you know, uh, still to this day, uh, my, my brother and I, when we get off before we get fired, I love you.
00;08;02;19 - 00;08;20;00
Speaker 3
I love you, I love you. We always we always made sure we knew that. Yeah. You know, And, uh, um, my mom shared with me, you know, years later, she would. She would shoplift for groceries. For food.
00;08;20;00 - 00;08;21;00
Speaker 2
Yeah, for you guys.
00;08;21;00 - 00;08;41;17
Speaker 3
That's it, man. Yeah. Wasn't stealing booze or anything. She was getting food. And so I don't. I whatever, you know. Yeah, I know. I'm not going to hold that against her, you know? And so it wasn't her. My mom was never, uh, physically abusive or anything like that. She may have been hard to me, but, God, that woman was stressed out with the cards that she was dealt.
00;08;41;20 - 00;09;10;24
Speaker 3
I'm not making up excuses for her, but, um, you know, she had had some. And I put that in some of the stuff I had. Uh. Uh, you're interested in my answers. Yeah, that, you know, that, uh, some of those memories, man, they're not fond memories, you know, just, you know, tops and broken glass and, you know, and my poor mother taking a beating, you know, just, uh, not, you know, not something you really want to remember, but.
00;09;10;24 - 00;09;12;06
Speaker 2
A trauma for sure, huh?
00;09;12;10 - 00;09;37;08
Speaker 3
Yeah. And so, um, like I was telling you, our power was always on, right? And and, uh, there was always food in the fridge. Um, you know, she did. She did her best. Her bills were paid, and, uh, she was trying to come up. I just think that, uh, she had a hard time getting there, but she did her best.
00;09;37;08 - 00;09;38;27
Speaker 2
Was better than a lot.
00;09;39;00 - 00;09;39;15
Speaker 3
Right?
00;09;39;16 - 00;09;40;24
Speaker 2
Yeah, A lot of households.
00;09;40;24 - 00;09;57;05
Speaker 3
You had to play mom and dad role. Mom dealt with with a rebellious teenager, right? You know, saying terrible things. I said terrible things to my mother. Yeah. And, you know, I still I still think about those things, and it's really, uh, it puts me into an emotional space.
00;09;57;07 - 00;10;10;10
Speaker 1
Those are the things that haunt you, even as you've gone into your adult life. And now you've had kids. Yeah. You know, it's those are still those things that still bother you in the same way.
00;10;10;12 - 00;10;31;24
Speaker 3
Yeah, but, you know, you know, when my. My mom would, uh, a relationship wouldn't work out for you, would, you know, find someone new. I was always searching for a father figure. I never knew my. I. I can't say I never did. I didn't. I would talk on my I talk on the phone with my father from time to time.
00;10;31;27 - 00;10;54;08
Speaker 3
And then there was this real. This this period where he was just nonexistent. And then, um, for some reason, what I was, he pursued, uh, a relationship with me when I was 15 and flew me out there and even know this guy. Not really, you know, and he, you know, he was like, happy to see me. I didn't know.
00;10;54;10 - 00;10;56;04
Speaker 3
I was like, it was just very awkward.
00;10;56;04 - 00;10;57;00
Speaker 1
Very awkward.
00;10;57;03 - 00;11;00;20
Speaker 2
Is he back in New York at this time? Is that where he flew you out to or. No, I.
00;11;00;20 - 00;11;01;25
Speaker 3
Was living in Florida.
00;11;01;28 - 00;11;03;25
Speaker 2
Okay. So we flew you out to Florida? Yeah.
00;11;04;01 - 00;11;15;22
Speaker 3
And I did not stay with this guy. I know where to start. I just I was. I had all this excitement and anticipation. Oh, I'm going to be my dad. Right? And it was just a dud.
00;11;15;24 - 00;11;16;22
Speaker 1
It fell flat.
00;11;16;25 - 00;11;40;15
Speaker 3
It fell flat. You know, I wasn't in it. You know, I was 15. He was the adult. Yeah. You know, And, um, and I think it left me with more questions than answers, and it left me feeling more bitter than relieved about the whole thing. And, uh, you know, I would look like I was saying, I would look, I was searching for that.
00;11;40;18 - 00;11;52;18
Speaker 3
That, uh, male companionship. Yeah. You know, and a lot of these guys just wanted to, you know, I was just the. Oh, you got a kid, you know? Yeah, You know, whatever. You know, I just want to, you know.
00;11;52;19 - 00;11;55;23
Speaker 2
Nice enough to, you so you're, you know.
00;11;55;25 - 00;11;56;07
Speaker 3
Right.
00;11;56;08 - 00;11;58;27
Speaker 2
Get upset or anything, you know, whatever.
00;11;59;00 - 00;12;23;22
Speaker 3
And, you know, I don't know. But, you know, some of it's just and there's one, uh, well, there was two relationships that my mother had in particular that were that said that one was the really abusive one towards her. And I was shared with your sister a traumatic memory. And it was just the worst, you know, holes in the walls, broken glass, cops.
00;12;23;24 - 00;12;30;26
Speaker 3
And one of the cops was my uncle's brother, my, um, my uncle was a cop. His brother was a cop. Brother shows up at the house.
00;12;31;02 - 00;12;31;19
Speaker 2
Oh, man.
00;12;31;19 - 00;12;33;28
Speaker 3
And, uh, in uniform, of course.
00;12;33;28 - 00;12;34;27
Speaker 2
You know.
00;12;35;00 - 00;12;58;09
Speaker 3
It just, uh. It just was bad. And so that was. That was the worst of it. And I think it was over after that. But then my mom, the gentleman I should call the gentleman that it's way too much respect for this guy. But the guy that my mom married who moved us out here was a retired NYPD guy, and he was an asshole.
00;12;58;09 - 00;13;08;06
Speaker 3
And I should have known. I know the story now. He was an asshole cop because he must have got sideways with the wrong person and they beat him up and ran him over with his own cop car.
00;13;08;09 - 00;13;10;13
Speaker 2
Is that the reason he moved out here?
00;13;10;13 - 00;13;15;08
Speaker 3
He's retired. Oh, yeah. After that. I don't know why. I think he was just. I'm done with New York.
00;13;15;08 - 00;13;18;05
Speaker 2
I'm. I'm sorry. Chris beat him up and ran over.
00;13;18;05 - 00;13;22;18
Speaker 4
It with his own cop car. Oh.
00;13;22;20 - 00;13;25;23
Speaker 3
Yeah, I know. Well, you know, I think he had it coming.
00;13;25;26 - 00;13;26;12
Speaker 4
Maybe he.
00;13;26;12 - 00;13;35;20
Speaker 2
Did. I'm just saying, man, like, that's. That's just adding insult. Not only beat me up, he ran me over with my car.
00;13;35;22 - 00;13;57;11
Speaker 3
Yeah, that's. I mean, you know, but that guy was would take his anger out on me from time to time. Yeah. You know, um, they just, and I fairly recently shared that with my mom. I was like, Oh, this guy would get pissed off when you were at home and. Oh, really? It was just devastating to her. Why didn't you tell me?
00;13;57;11 - 00;14;03;18
Speaker 3
And I was like, you know, what was I supposed to. I didn't. I didn't know. What was I supposed to do? I wasn't afraid to tell her. I just didn't tell her.
00;14;03;24 - 00;14;05;19
Speaker 2
Right? Yeah. So, like, it would, uh.
00;14;05;22 - 00;14;06;12
Speaker 3
Yeah, this guy.
00;14;06;12 - 00;14;07;03
Speaker 2
It would upset her.
00;14;07;09 - 00;14;16;21
Speaker 3
This? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This guy would just manufacture crap in his head. I was out of my front yard. We lived in, uh, lived in Amityville, New York.
00;14;16;27 - 00;14;17;18
Speaker 2
I've heard of it.
00;14;17;18 - 00;14;19;18
Speaker 4
Yeah, I've heard.
00;14;19;18 - 00;14;29;10
Speaker 3
Of it. It's the town, right? But, uh, we were. I had heard a phrase from a boy. He said, I'll knock your lights out, you know, And I just. I was like, Oh.
00;14;29;13 - 00;14;31;18
Speaker 1
That's so I'll use that.
00;14;31;20 - 00;14;51;25
Speaker 3
I just. So there were some neighborhood kids. We were all friends. And then the next day, we could all be not friends, just, you know, it was just one of those things. So I was in a fenced in yard and I had we were playing ball and I had a ball bat on my on my shoulder, and I didn't know who was listening.
00;14;51;27 - 00;14;57;28
Speaker 3
And we got into a disagreement and I used his phrase against it. I said, I'll knock you lights out.
00;14;57;28 - 00;14;58;12
Speaker 2
Right?
00;14;58;14 - 00;15;12;00
Speaker 3
He came out and grabbed me by my ear. He said, I heard you tell that kid you were going to knock his eyes out. And I was like, And he thought I was that I was going to do it with the bat or whatever, right? Like, No, no, no. He drug me in the house and he beat my ass.
00;15;12;00 - 00;15;23;10
Speaker 3
And I, I before I even knew what was really going on, I could see the room and I could I could, I could still picture to this day the room I was in and I'd never told my mom about that moment.
00;15;23;11 - 00;15;26;08
Speaker 2
How old were you when this happened?
00;15;26;10 - 00;15;27;01
Speaker 3
Six or seven.
00;15;27;04 - 00;15;28;05
Speaker 2
Six or seven?
00;15;28;05 - 00;15;29;10
Speaker 3
Yeah. Well.
00;15;29;12 - 00;15;34;09
Speaker 2
Yeah. And that's what six and seven year old boys do. Yeah. They fight their. Yeah. Like, I mean fight.
00;15;34;10 - 00;15;36;14
Speaker 1
They repeat everything that they hear.
00;15;36;16 - 00;15;37;18
Speaker 2
Yeah. Come on now.
00;15;37;19 - 00;15;51;11
Speaker 3
Yeah. So that was, you know, that was that thing and I can't say whether that drove me into, you know what. And eventually it would become, you know, a life of addiction. All right, But, uh.
00;15;51;15 - 00;16;13;18
Speaker 1
When did, when did you realize you had an issue? Do, uh, obviously, you know, you tried, um, you probably tried it here and there, but when, when did you know or did you know from the get go that, Oh, man, I'm. I'm going to have an issue with this. When did you, when did it clicked for you that.
00;16;13;20 - 00;16;34;12
Speaker 3
It kind of did that first time. Like I was just telling you, I just was like, uh, I was I was you know, we were we were, you know, playing, hey, mister, you know, trying to get some alcohol and, and, um, had some weed. And then, um, we got, which we, we had done, you know, weed was the thing.
00;16;34;12 - 00;16;54;10
Speaker 3
Yeah. Whereas, you know, you smoke a little bit, weed, whatever, and uh, uh, my mom would go to work, my mom was working nights and my, my brother, who's ten years old, ten years younger than me, would be if I to go to sleep. And I'd call my call my crew, call my boys tomorrow is gone tomorrow. So I smoked weed, drinking and everything was all neat and tidy.
00;16;54;17 - 00;17;15;18
Speaker 3
And maybe my mom even knew. Yeah, but she as long as things you know, as long as, you know, things were in order and nothing was, you know, destroyed or whatever, she probably. Maybe she didn't. But then a friend of mine brought that shit over and he he wasn't a friend. Friend. But he was, you know, he was, he was a he was a he was a decent friend.
00;17;15;20 - 00;17;31;14
Speaker 3
Right? And so, um, he, uh, he brought it over. And like I was telling you, I'd always say I'd always almost dictate my future by saying the things I wasn't going to do. I'll never put that shit in my body. You know, it's talk.
00;17;31;14 - 00;17;32;12
Speaker 1
About right.
00;17;32;14 - 00;17;53;14
Speaker 3
Crank at the time, that's what they called it. And so he brought it over and he said, Hey, look, I got this, you know, I got it. You know, it's dope. And so another friend and I, we went into the bathroom. I was 16 in my bathroom, and he lined it out and I just did it. And it just it was great.
00;17;53;16 - 00;17;54;11
Speaker 1
Rock the world.
00;17;54;11 - 00;18;21;25
Speaker 3
That rocked my world. I left this planet and I was like, this, This is it. You know, I may not have thought that to that detail, but I was like, when I think back, I'm like, got rid of this could be really bad, you know? Um, and I was just it was everything my brain was looking for. And it was and I was sure with the email earlier that even the next day I was getting the cravings.
00;18;21;25 - 00;18;26;17
Speaker 3
I was like, Oh, I need more of this because I'm, I'm, I'm starting to come back down to earth.
00;18;26;19 - 00;18;33;22
Speaker 2
And how long did it take before you were before your next time? Was it that next day when you're getting the craving? We were.
00;18;33;22 - 00;18;34;22
Speaker 3
Searching for it, the next day were.
00;18;34;22 - 00;18;35;23
Speaker 2
Searching for it, the next day.
00;18;35;23 - 00;18;36;18
Speaker 3
That was it.
00;18;36;20 - 00;18;38;16
Speaker 2
With no avail. Or you guys found it?
00;18;38;19 - 00;18;40;20
Speaker 3
No, we found it in order to get it. Yeah. And it was.
00;18;40;20 - 00;18;45;18
Speaker 2
Cheap. Well, I know what part of town and the town that you were in, so it's readily available.
00;18;45;24 - 00;19;11;21
Speaker 3
Yeah. And, and so that became. That became the mission daily. Daily? Yeah. It really did. And like we were saying earlier, despite having some physical setbacks, you know, I had a, I had a known heart issue, you know, I had things in my body that could potentially go wrong, but it did not care.
00;19;11;23 - 00;19;18;26
Speaker 2
Were you in were you in school? You're in high school at this time, I take it? Yeah. Did it affect you going to school or were you still going to school or doing this or.
00;19;19;03 - 00;19;43;13
Speaker 3
Surprisingly, I, um. I did not attend school my senior year. I was sent to continuation school. Right. Graduated from continuation school. Um, surprisingly, but I did. And, uh, um, I, I wrote a paper on friendship and it was this. It helped me graduate. Hmm. I know. I don't remember right in the paper.
00;19;43;15 - 00;19;44;01
Speaker 4
You know.
00;19;44;04 - 00;19;54;04
Speaker 3
I remember my mom kept it. It was. Oh, she dutiful. It was, you know, you know, the how the you know, talking about the, you know, throwing a rock into a.
00;19;54;06 - 00;19;55;15
Speaker 4
I was going.
00;19;55;17 - 00;19;57;13
Speaker 3
To rock into a lake. And the ripples.
00;19;57;13 - 00;19;59;06
Speaker 2
Oh, wow. You know, poetic.
00;19;59;10 - 00;20;00;20
Speaker 4
I'm like.
00;20;00;22 - 00;20;02;24
Speaker 3
I don't remember writing it, you know.
00;20;02;26 - 00;20;05;18
Speaker 1
Iridescent, only high.
00;20;05;21 - 00;20;32;19
Speaker 3
And so, um, it started to become a real problem when I couldn't I didn't, uh, have the money to get it, and I started stealing stuff. Right. You know, my mom got me a new watch, and I took it Christmas day. I took it, and I, I, I, I swore to as a front. I never went back and got that watch.
00;20;32;20 - 00;20;33;12
Speaker 2
No, of course not.
00;20;33;18 - 00;20;34;10
Speaker 3
You know.
00;20;34;12 - 00;20;37;04
Speaker 2
I traded the day of the day. You same day. You got it.
00;20;37;04 - 00;20;38;00
Speaker 3
Christmas like.
00;20;38;03 - 00;20;38;23
Speaker 2
Christmas night.
00;20;38;23 - 00;20;41;25
Speaker 3
Uh, I still feel terrible about it. Yeah, I.
00;20;41;25 - 00;20;42;18
Speaker 2
Know. No.
00;20;42;18 - 00;21;05;21
Speaker 3
Yeah, yeah. And just things. Um, I would still my, you know, my, uh, my half brother, his, uh, his dad bought him an electric electric guitar, a little one for a kid, and it was nice. God, the, uh, my mother had a leather jacket, you know, it was one of her, you know, prized possessions. She loved that jacket.
00;21;05;24 - 00;21;08;16
Speaker 3
I. I didn't even think about it. I just went in closet. Got it, Took it.
00;21;08;21 - 00;21;09;16
Speaker 2
Been think twice.
00;21;09;22 - 00;21;25;16
Speaker 3
And she goes so pissed off when she and I had forgotten that I had to stole it. Right. Some time had passed and she said where? You know, she came at me was asking me where's my jacket? And I was like, Oh yeah, oh yeah. And I denied it.
00;21;25;18 - 00;21;32;27
Speaker 1
How long did it how long did the progression take from you trying it the first time to where you were stealing things.
00;21;32;29 - 00;21;33;15
Speaker 3
It wasn't very.
00;21;33;15 - 00;21;34;08
Speaker 1
Long, was it?
00;21;34;09 - 00;21;38;06
Speaker 3
Just whenever, whenever I didn't have the money.
00;21;38;09 - 00;21;38;21
Speaker 1
Yeah.
00;21;38;26 - 00;22;02;17
Speaker 3
Or my own property which I had, you know, dissolved in my addiction. Yeah. Um, I resorted to stealing other people's stuff. I, my mom had this. This beautiful last supper plate. They were, they had, you know, gold in it. And I took it. I took it to the dope dealer, took it off the wall, took it to the dope dealer.
00;22;02;20 - 00;22;05;08
Speaker 2
The one with the real gold inlay. Yeah.
00;22;05;10 - 00;22;19;28
Speaker 3
And I took it, and I, uh. I felt so guilty that I had done that. She hadn't noticed yet what I was. I was really nervous about her, and it was right on the wall.
00;22;20;00 - 00;22;21;20
Speaker 2
So, yeah, everybody sees it every day.
00;22;21;27 - 00;22;37;27
Speaker 3
You know, it might have been an obscured place where she didn't see it right away, but I was so nervous about it. I went back to the dope dealer and I stole it from the dope dealer, and I took it back to my house and I put it right back on the wall. She told me years later, she said, you know, I noticed it was gone.
00;22;38;04 - 00;22;42;23
Speaker 3
And right before I was going to ask you about it, it was back. So I just left it alone.
00;22;42;28 - 00;22;45;16
Speaker 2
Now, where you able to go back to that same dope dealer.
00;22;45;16 - 00;22;46;01
Speaker 3
You didn't know it.
00;22;46;01 - 00;22;48;28
Speaker 2
Took you? He didn't know you took it. He's probably smoking too. Probably.
00;22;49;00 - 00;22;52;29
Speaker 3
Yeah. I just thought someone else told me. Yeah, well, it's one of his other customers.
00;22;53;02 - 00;22;58;10
Speaker 2
And this was ongoing, so. Started at 16? Yeah. Never stopped until.
00;22;58;13 - 00;23;14;28
Speaker 3
20. That was 20. And it was. It was so out of control. My I think my mom was on the, you know, horizon. They're trying to get her. She's like, I got to get some, you know, some help, some different for herself, you know?
00;23;14;28 - 00;23;15;20
Speaker 1
Yeah.
00;23;15;23 - 00;23;39;07
Speaker 3
Because my mother was also an addict, you know. But I know I think I mentioned that earlier, but, yeah, um, I, uh, I went to, uh, she had run into a friend that she a party with early on, and this friend was doing quite well and she said what with what happened and she told her and it was a, it was a residential program.
00;23;39;09 - 00;24;03;27
Speaker 3
And so I, I, she was able to cut some corners. I met with the director of that program and I spent the better part of two years in that program. And it was like I said, residential came back. I did an internship there and, um, um, I thought that was it. Yeah, that's, that's where that chapter of my life ended.
00;24;03;29 - 00;24;08;17
Speaker 3
And, and I had several years clean.
00;24;08;23 - 00;24;09;16
Speaker 1
Yeah.
00;24;09;19 - 00;24;12;11
Speaker 3
Now I know it was just clean time, Right?
00;24;12;11 - 00;24;12;23
Speaker 1
Right.
00;24;12;23 - 00;24;33;03
Speaker 3
Um, yeah. And until, you know, I had, uh, put myself through college, met my wife, uh, and addiction just lay dormant. Not not, you know, it was there, you know, I know it. Just until something else, uh, basically rekindled.
00;24;33;03 - 00;24;34;11
Speaker 1
It, right.
00;24;34;14 - 00;24;36;09
Speaker 3
In the form of pills.
00;24;36;12 - 00;25;05;17
Speaker 1
Yeah. That's kind of similar to what happened to me when I was 15. 15? Yeah, probably 15. I discovered meth. Yeah, same thing. And I did it real hard for about a year. And then I got, um, I got arrested and went to a boys camp. Came out. I thought I was done, you know, I was finished up and.
00;25;05;19 - 00;25;31;22
Speaker 1
And then I when I would drink in my early twenties. So that happened. I mean, like real quick was 16, 17. I was done with it and then in my early twenties would drink still, but was never an issue, didn't have a problem with it until my late thirties. And then all of a sudden it was a fluke, full blown.
00;25;31;24 - 00;25;34;16
Speaker 1
So something similar to what you have was.
00;25;34;17 - 00;25;39;14
Speaker 2
Had that I didn't know you had that year for like from like 15 to 16.
00;25;39;16 - 00;25;50;06
Speaker 1
Yeah, 15, 16. I was doing meth. Uh, uh, I like meth. I it was my favorite.
00;25;50;09 - 00;25;51;09
Speaker 2
Say a lot, you know?
00;25;51;10 - 00;25;52;06
Speaker 1
Yeah.
00;25;52;08 - 00;25;54;19
Speaker 2
How long were you in that boys program?
00;25;54;21 - 00;26;04;26
Speaker 1
Um, they the. I did, uh, a month and a half in juvenile hall, and then went there for like, five, six months, something like that.
00;26;04;26 - 00;26;06;18
Speaker 2
And that was enough for you to be like.
00;26;06;21 - 00;26;28;18
Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah, I'm done. So I didn't want to mess that anymore. I just, I knew that it led on to bad things. So I had no, I had I didn't want to mess with it anymore, but I would smoke weed and I would, you know, drink. Yeah, but I didn't think it was a problem. I always assumed that's what everybody did, right?
00;26;28;18 - 00;26;32;19
Speaker 1
You know, I thought your man, you're supposed to have a drink, you know?
00;26;32;22 - 00;26;35;24
Speaker 2
Oh, yeah, that's. Yeah, Grew up. That's what you see around you.
00;26;36;00 - 00;27;04;24
Speaker 1
Yeah. And then, um, so I did that and then ended up with a full blown problem. But, um, so you end up going getting married or going to college, get, get getting your degree, I'm assuming. Yes. And then going into marriage. What, uh, what line of work were you.
00;27;04;26 - 00;27;37;00
Speaker 3
Those respiratory therapists. Yeah. So that was. Yeah, I had, you know, um, I had built a, a spiritual foundation in the program I was in, and, um, but I didn't now it was, it was very one dimensional, right? You know, as we're now I know I need, we need a multi dimensional approach, right? It wasn't just, you know, not for everybody, but for me.
00;27;37;03 - 00;28;10;23
Speaker 3
You know, I, I needed something a lot more comprehensive than just going to church. Yeah, You know what I'm saying? I'm not knocking church. Yeah, it works. It does work, But I just, um. So, yeah, I had, um. I married a woman who knows nothing about addiction. Uh, came from, you know, a complete household, siblings, you know, everything, uh, my, my idea of, uh, you know, I would always, uh.
00;28;10;24 - 00;28;12;03
Speaker 1
all-American family type.
00;28;12;03 - 00;28;22;13
Speaker 3
Seemed like it. Yeah. You know, you know, everybody's. Everybody's there, and they did the family things. They had the, you know, even the family outside the family, they would always get together for barbecues, everything.
00;28;22;13 - 00;28;23;06
Speaker 1
And everybody got.
00;28;23;06 - 00;28;25;16
Speaker 2
Along. So what we see on TV. Yeah, pretty.
00;28;25;16 - 00;28;53;16
Speaker 3
Much everything I ever wanted. And, uh, uh, and uh, you know, reflecting on that, I would have these friends that had complete households and I would, I would, I have this, I had this one friend in particular, um, who I went to his house and I would just look at his he caught me looking at his I was looking at the pictures on the mantel and I was just sitting there because I was looking at pictures of him and his brother and his mom and his dad.
00;28;53;18 - 00;29;15;18
Speaker 3
You know, they both hunting pictures, fishing pictures, Disneyland and all these, you know, my God, I want that. Yeah. You know, I was I wanted it so bad and I told him that he's okay. You're right. I'm on. Do I want this? You know? And so that was that was going to be my life's work. And so that's what I attempted to do.
00;29;15;18 - 00;29;37;19
Speaker 3
I didn't have a father. I didn't have I didn't have any, you know, real solid examples in my life right? So I was like, what am I going to do? What do I do? The opposite of everything I've ever learned, Right? You know, And I and I so we we, I met this fantastic woman and I'm still with her, you know, figure that one out.
00;29;37;21 - 00;29;44;12
Speaker 3
And we just we're just celebrated 25 years together, not married, but 25 years. 26 years together.
00;29;44;12 - 00;29;45;12
Speaker 2
Congratulations.
00;29;45;12 - 00;29;49;00
Speaker 3
And but now she knows everything about addiction.
00;29;49;05 - 00;29;49;26
Speaker 1
From.
00;29;49;29 - 00;30;19;02
Speaker 3
The outside looking in. Right. And the struggles that I mean, that poor thing. I put her through hell. And so I started working in the hospital at three or four years, maybe about four years, four years of clean time. And I had legitimately tweaked my neck. I'd never taken any type of painkillers or anything. And doctor friend of mine back when the you know, the regulations were a lot more loose.
00;30;19;03 - 00;30;19;27
Speaker 1
Right.
00;30;20;00 - 00;30;36;29
Speaker 3
Um, so I no know, he legitimately examined, they did an X-ray and stuff and they just kind of expedited the process. And he wrote me a prescription for Vicodin and he goes, Oh, you know, you're a big dude, man. I'd take a couple of them if you need them. And having no idea, you know, And like I said, everything was I thought was, you know, in the rearview mirror.
00;30;37;01 - 00;30;39;16
Speaker 3
I took them and they gave me a similar charge.
00;30;39;19 - 00;30;40;07
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00;30;40;09 - 00;30;41;18
Speaker 3
To the dope.
00;30;41;25 - 00;30;42;22
Speaker 1
Right.
00;30;42;25 - 00;31;11;00
Speaker 3
And so, I mean, that was it, man. That was a that was terrible. That was probably ten years of my life at the end, you know, chronic, progressive and almost fatal. Never overdose. Probably close. Yeah, but, um, all the just the terrible things that went along with that, you know, my wife having no idea how to handle this guy.
00;31;11;06 - 00;31;13;15
Speaker 3
No idea what, what monster was.
00;31;13;15 - 00;31;17;20
Speaker 2
Unleashed. Didn't even know this guy yet. You guys had been together for a while and.
00;31;17;22 - 00;31;18;17
Speaker 3
Didn't know this guy.
00;31;18;17 - 00;31;22;24
Speaker 2
You didn't know this guy yet? Yeah. This guy had been lying dormant, right?
00;31;22;26 - 00;31;29;26
Speaker 3
And, um, it was different for me. I'm like. And I didn't think I was. I didn't think I was an addict.
00;31;29;28 - 00;31;30;04
Speaker 2
Right?
00;31;30;08 - 00;32;05;10
Speaker 3
I just. Not yet. And, um, then it just got worse from there, you know? I'm, you know, it's of, like I said, it's quite a few years and to where? Just, um. I've got three friends that are physicians writing me prescriptions. I've got three working, three pharmacies. You know, I'm getting I'm burning through 120 Percocet in a week or less, you know, just eating them four at a time.
00;32;05;11 - 00;32;08;27
Speaker 2
They're not aware of each other, are they? The friends don't know that. The other friends are.
00;32;09;01 - 00;32;16;01
Speaker 3
Well, they're not friends with each other. They're they're you know, they know colleagues. Yeah, they're my friends. But I'm like, you know, I'm.
00;32;16;01 - 00;32;19;27
Speaker 2
Sure you made sure that they never met. Also, if if there was ever a chance.
00;32;19;27 - 00;32;21;04
Speaker 4
No.
00;32;21;06 - 00;32;25;08
Speaker 3
But then it got so bad. I think the pharmacies, you know, when their systems got tighter.
00;32;25;08 - 00;32;25;26
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00;32;25;28 - 00;32;53;08
Speaker 3
I was at a pharmacy and a doctor had just written me a prescription for, you know, for Percocet. Again, I ended up on Percocet and, uh, I saw them looking at each other, looking at me, and they're like, We can't fill this in. I knew something was wrong right then. And, uh, yeah, right then. And so I ended up at the methadone clinic, and I had contemplated hitting the street.
00;32;53;11 - 00;33;09;10
Speaker 3
You know, I was like, If I can't find it, you know, I'm doing my research and I'm like, you know, you know, people, you know, I'm reading people like blogs and stuff, you know, like, I can't I'm not going to name them. But yeah, I was, you know, these blogs and they're like, Oh, I just moved heroin, man.
00;33;09;10 - 00;33;12;10
Speaker 3
I'd solve all my problems. And I'm like, Heroin.
00;33;12;13 - 00;33;16;10
Speaker 2
They're looking for that bad. Yeah, Heroin.
00;33;16;12 - 00;33;16;29
Speaker 4
And real.
00;33;16;29 - 00;33;17;12
Speaker 2
Bad.
00;33;17;12 - 00;33;21;25
Speaker 3
I never did it. I never did it. It never crossed, Thank God.
00;33;21;27 - 00;33;23;20
Speaker 2
Yeah. Um.
00;33;23;23 - 00;33;26;25
Speaker 3
But I'm not saying, you know, just for that one particular thing that God.
00;33;27;00 - 00;33;27;08
Speaker 2
Right.
00;33;27;12 - 00;33;56;28
Speaker 3
But, uh, um, because it was just, uh, it was getting ugly. Ugly. So I would leave work every day in my scrubs. I would drive down. First day I drove downtown, I realized, Oh, no, I work there in the emergency room a lot. I'm like, Oh, the emergency. The methadone clinic is right across from the transport. All these people I see all the time, you know?
00;33;56;28 - 00;34;13;14
Speaker 3
And I'm like, Oh, well, if they see me, they see me. So I just get in line with everybody else and and get my methadone. And I did that. I did that for a while. And they tapered me because he asked me the doctor there asked me, Do you like looking for maintenance? And I'm like, I don't I don't want to be on this forever.
00;34;13;14 - 00;34;23;15
Speaker 3
I want pay for me. You know, So that and thankfully I haven't I haven't been back down that path.
00;34;23;18 - 00;34;29;05
Speaker 2
And that was what, mid-twenties to mid-thirties like how long was that. Yes.
00;34;29;06 - 00;34;30;22
Speaker 3
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00;34;30;22 - 00;34;31;22
Speaker 2
Almost ten years, huh?
00;34;31;23 - 00;34;33;20
Speaker 3
Yeah. It was bad.
00;34;33;22 - 00;34;36;20
Speaker 2
Yeah. I'm is very bad.
00;34;36;22 - 00;34;42;13
Speaker 3
And uh, yeah, that's gross addiction. And then.
00;34;42;15 - 00;34;47;05
Speaker 2
Uh, uh, with the methadone help, you kick it, though. Yeah, it worked.
00;34;47;07 - 00;34;53;25
Speaker 1
Yeah. I was just going to say, I think, cause I've known several people on methadone. I don't know anybody that's kicked methadone.
00;34;53;27 - 00;35;17;16
Speaker 3
Well, the story is, is they they, uh, messed up. It's called calculation. So they knew whether to taper me all the way down to this minuscule amount. And then that's about it. And then but I was on a, I want to say, a milligram of methadone, and, um, I went to go get my because I was like, oh, you know, I saw some tapering to do.
00;35;17;16 - 00;35;23;11
Speaker 3
I went down there and they're like, No, you're done with. Yeah, that's it, you know, And it was it was a weekend.
00;35;23;13 - 00;35;25;17
Speaker 4
There was no longer available, right?
00;35;25;19 - 00;35;31;02
Speaker 3
I'm like, I'm not done. And they basically, you know, told me there's nothing we could do.
00;35;31;04 - 00;35;31;15
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00;35;31;19 - 00;35;51;11
Speaker 3
And so I had to be at work and I was like I had to be at work that night. And I'm like, Oh, no, this is going to be bad, right? So I ended I went to my, my mother in law's house and my new my father in law because I had stolen his they had hit his medicine cabinet a number of times.
00;35;51;14 - 00;35;58;27
Speaker 3
And I knew he had it. And I just told him, you know, what was going on. And, uh, he gave me like two or four of.
00;35;58;27 - 00;36;00;05
Speaker 2
Them of Percocets.
00;36;00;05 - 00;36;24;17
Speaker 3
Yeah, Yeah. And I took him that night and that was it. I was like, I got to get through to work and I took I sweat it out, you know, my wife, what she had done multiple times. Well, I withdraw for my last time from that. And God, that was a nightmare. But because I think it was a bigger nightmare, because I really thought I was done with it.
00;36;24;22 - 00;36;25;04
Speaker 2
Right.
00;36;25;07 - 00;36;32;02
Speaker 3
And that was just terrible. Again, I put that that poor thing through hell once again with that.
00;36;32;04 - 00;36;43;19
Speaker 2
Is that what finally was that like the final let me get into a 12 step type of deal or No way. Continue on, brother I'm yeah I'm interested.
00;36;43;21 - 00;36;57;04
Speaker 3
I had, uh, so, um, I was clean for a little while. I was clean for probably almost two years. And.
00;36;57;07 - 00;36;59;00
Speaker 4
Um.
00;36;59;02 - 00;37;35;10
Speaker 3
After that, I was and again, here comes addiction, you know, for something, right? Uh, I think, um, I don't know how the conversation came up, but I think it's funny how, uh, addiction has such an acute memory. You That's such a good. I could pull things up, you know? Oh, yeah. My brother in law. Another brother in law had mentioned, you know, I knew he was having an issue with, with meth.
00;37;35;12 - 00;37;36;09
Speaker 2
Right.
00;37;36;11 - 00;37;47;16
Speaker 3
So, you know, I was like, oh well we'll stay away from that. But then I found myself calling him, saying, you know, just come out with it. Hey, you know, we get this, you know, and he's.
00;37;47;20 - 00;37;48;23
Speaker 2
Talking about the meth. Yeah.
00;37;48;28 - 00;38;15;02
Speaker 3
Oh, Oh, yeah. In order to get it done with pills. Yeah. So I'm circling back now, You know, to my first love. Jesus would be hard to me to say that. And so, yeah, and he gets it. And then at that time, I'm having health issues, and it looks like work is, uh, you know, not, you know, I'm like, Oh, I'm not going to be able to work much longer.
00;38;15;03 - 00;38;16;16
Speaker 2
The old ticker.
00;38;16;18 - 00;38;31;01
Speaker 3
The ticker and then the eyes, but mostly the ticker at that time. Yeah. Um, I'm having some, some cardio, but I'm, you know, go for the stuff that is the least, you know? Uh, yeah, I yeah, the the worst thing you could go to.
00;38;31;05 - 00;38;35;11
Speaker 2
Speed you up. Yeah. You only have so many beats left. You probably don't want to.
00;38;35;13 - 00;38;35;25
Speaker 4
Go.
00;38;36;02 - 00;38;39;13
Speaker 2
So fast. Yeah, I'd.
00;38;39;16 - 00;38;59;03
Speaker 3
So, yeah, I did that, and, um, just a lot of things were unfolding, so it sounds like a bad country song that we had to move out of our home because the, the gentleman we were renting for him had passed and some other, you know, things were there was what was he going to be able to afford the house we're living in?
00;38;59;04 - 00;39;12;28
Speaker 3
We were renting and renting and my dog died. So my dog died right around the you know, all these things were going on. So I retreated to that. I'm like this. I know what will help me.
00;39;13;00 - 00;39;13;21
Speaker 2
Will take it away.
00;39;13;21 - 00;39;27;14
Speaker 3
The stuff go away. Yeah. So I, I was on a seven month binge with that. I mean, I was, I was whatever money we had, we had family sending us money and I was dipping into it.
00;39;27;16 - 00;39;29;22
Speaker 2
And wife's ignored me through all of this. Right.
00;39;29;23 - 00;39;55;18
Speaker 3
Just the story with that is, um, uh, my my poor wife thought I was losing my mind because I had this, you know, this is induced psychosis from this drug, not sleeping, not eating, losing weight. And I was so screwed up that I went with that. Oh, yeah, I'm losing my mind with my wife. I thought I totally went with that.
00;39;55;18 - 00;39;58;14
Speaker 2
Yeah, that's better than saying what's really happening.
00;39;58;19 - 00;40;01;02
Speaker 3
Exactly. I told her I was.
00;40;01;04 - 00;40;01;21
Speaker 1
That's great.
00;40;01;22 - 00;40;12;29
Speaker 3
I went through the motions. Yeah. I saw a psychiatrist and my mom. My mom was wise to it. My brother was wise to it. You're like, Oh, I think he's. I think he's. They told my wife that they saw.
00;40;12;29 - 00;40;15;18
Speaker 2
You the first time around, though, all those years before.
00;40;15;18 - 00;40;30;17
Speaker 3
They knew. Yeah. In my my, my mother being, you know, a part of that one time really knew she's like, oh yeah. But she, she was still trying. She was still hoping. I think she was hoping she was.
00;40;30;17 - 00;40;32;21
Speaker 2
Holding out hope that are that are boy was.
00;40;32;26 - 00;40;33;17
Speaker 3
Not doing that.
00;40;33;17 - 00;40;35;00
Speaker 2
He's not doing that again.
00;40;35;03 - 00;40;55;06
Speaker 3
Yeah. So she went with me to my appointments and I, I even they asked me if I would allow them to observe me. There were med students on the other side of a one way while I'm sitting there y and my ass off to the psychiatrist. Tell them whatever. I couldn't even tell you what I was telling them.
00;40;55;06 - 00;40;56;12
Speaker 2
Yeah, whatever they wanted. Why?
00;40;56;14 - 00;41;09;14
Speaker 3
Why? I. You know, why I was coming up. You know why I was so unstable mentally. It was. It was drugs all day. Maybe they knew. Maybe they were behind the mirror going, but, you know, they were.
00;41;09;16 - 00;41;13;29
Speaker 2
Yeah, maybe that was their study. Maybe they're like, Well, let's see how far this guy will go.
00;41;14;01 - 00;41;16;12
Speaker 3
Yeah, I can talk about it.
00;41;16;12 - 00;41;19;16
Speaker 2
But you had it. But you had her convinced, huh? Yeah. Your wife?
00;41;19;23 - 00;41;32;00
Speaker 3
Yeah, had her convinced until. Until, you know, lie after lie after lie. You know, just, uh. Just Yes. And then the, you know, the financial part of it. I'm sure.
00;41;32;07 - 00;41;35;08
Speaker 2
That's. That's what I was going to ask about. Like, where's all the money going?
00;41;35;13 - 00;41;58;09
Speaker 3
And then, um, you know, uh, I can't, I cannot remember how, you know, my wife, uh, we came to that point where she said, you know, I was I was sitting on the bathroom floor in our condo. I had. I was just in there. I'm like, I don't know what to do. My mind was I would my brain was just, like, scrambled.
00;41;58;09 - 00;42;25;13
Speaker 3
And I just I was like, just come clean. And she, you know, she was trying to plead with, you know, don't you know, we love, you know, you know, whatever. And I was like, okay, yes, you know, I've got this drug problem. You know, I came clean, which unfortunately was not the end of it. You know, I had I said, okay, so, um, because the circumstances were there and they were ugly, she wasn't threatening to leave me or anything, you know.
00;42;25;17 - 00;42;40;01
Speaker 3
But I had, um, I didn't, you know, I just did some terrible things. And, um, you know, I, uh. I'd stolen some things from us.
00;42;40;01 - 00;42;42;18
Speaker 2
Yeah. Things that you had obtained together. Yeah.
00;42;42;18 - 00;42;56;21
Speaker 3
Yeah. And heartbreakingly, you know, And just did it, though, because. Oh, well, I know the consequences of doing this are. But I mean, you know, whatever. I'll deal with them after I'm done being high.
00;42;56;25 - 00;42;57;14
Speaker 4
Right?
00;42;57;17 - 00;43;07;11
Speaker 3
And, uh, so then I cleaned up a little bit after that and I had relapsed after that seven month binge. I had relapsed three more times.
00;43;07;14 - 00;43;11;28
Speaker 2
Um, kind of back to back. Not a lot of time in between those.
00;43;12;00 - 00;43;14;18
Speaker 3
Um, like nine months to a year.
00;43;14;20 - 00;43;16;07
Speaker 2
Oh, wow. Uh.
00;43;16;10 - 00;43;36;22
Speaker 3
Yeah, I got a little bit more clean time, you know? But then my wife was really getting sick of it at this point. And, um, of course, I would always. I'm going, okay, here's how I'm going to do it this time. This how I'm going to hide it. Yeah, you know, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do a little bit, you know, I'm going to do damage to a little bit and then I'm going to make sure I get some sleep.
00;43;36;22 - 00;43;54;15
Speaker 3
I'm going to make sure I eat in front of her. You know, I concocted this whole thing and it was just embarrassing. What? I talk about it now, Right? You know, it's like, you know, when I think about it, uh, and then, um, she didn't want me in the house.
00;43;54;18 - 00;43;56;09
Speaker 2
And it got to that point. Um.
00;43;56;12 - 00;44;13;26
Speaker 3
Yeah, she was like, I got to think I'd want you here. I know what I want. You not here. And I'm like, Where am I going to go? You know, we're not even and I am not a suicidal guy, right? I'll kill myself, you know? And she's like, didn't go kill yourself somewhere else, right? Basically, she didn't say that.
00;44;13;26 - 00;44;15;18
Speaker 2
Well, no, no, but yeah.
00;44;15;20 - 00;44;16;22
Speaker 4
Oh, yeah, Yeah.
00;44;16;24 - 00;44;17;19
Speaker 1
She was fed up.
00;44;17;26 - 00;44;18;10
Speaker 2
Oh, yes.
00;44;18;10 - 00;44;43;09
Speaker 3
You know, I stayed with my brother, um, for a week and he was. He's like, Yeah, you should have came to me first, man. I was like, You can just leave the house till my wife. Where was that? But my brother was, you know, we're trying to help, you know, help, you know, spared my wife all the stuff and just trying to help the best he thought he could.
00;44;43;11 - 00;44;57;17
Speaker 3
So I stayed there and he told me this last time, Dude, I'm not going to help you after this. So I stayed there and, um. But my brother likes to smoke weed.
00;44;57;20 - 00;45;00;14
Speaker 2
Not anymore at that time.
00;45;00;16 - 00;45;21;28
Speaker 3
Yeah, at that time he did. And so, you know. Okay. Okay. I'll, uh, I'll use this as a coping mechanism and I didn't I'm not sure if I, my wife and her daughter, if I told her. I don't think so, But but, but, but it came. It came out later. I told, you know. Yeah. He was, I was doing help, you know, help.
00;45;22;00 - 00;45;32;25
Speaker 3
But it was that was, uh, that was torture, you know. But my kids would, would message me back and forth. My wife, nothing. The silence was it was terrible.
00;45;32;29 - 00;45;33;25
Speaker 2
I could imagine.
00;45;33;25 - 00;45;42;05
Speaker 3
But I still didn't learn my lesson. I relapsed two more times after that. So there was the one relapse after the the big the binge.
00;45;42;05 - 00;45;42;18
Speaker 2
Right.
00;45;42;18 - 00;45;49;13
Speaker 3
And then, um, maybe one more in there, but I don't think so. But. But then. No. Okay.
00;45;49;15 - 00;45;56;25
Speaker 1
You have the one from 15 to 16 where you were using meth and then you got to help 16, 16 to 20.
00;45;56;29 - 00;46;03;28
Speaker 3
I was using marijuana prior to that. Yeah. And then, but, um, yeah, but then there was that.
00;46;03;29 - 00;46;06;00
Speaker 1
College after college.
00;46;06;03 - 00;46;32;01
Speaker 3
That was after the family was already established. Yeah. And, um, spirituality nonexistent, you know, it was there. We did, we went through the motions. I could, I could play church. Yeah, I, I did. I all the time I was, I knew, you know, I, my higher power was, I mean, I'm here, I'm here, I'll be here, you know.
00;46;32;03 - 00;46;32;27
Speaker 2
Waiting on you.
00;46;32;28 - 00;46;51;21
Speaker 3
I'll be here. They'll be here when you get back. Hopefully you get back. And so, um, again, one dimensional, you know, try to use that. Okay? Okay. Everything's going to change. We're going back to church, you know, Everything's going to change that. It just, you know, it was just a.
00;46;51;23 - 00;47;19;22
Speaker 1
You know, it as you go through, as you talking about it and you and you're experiencing some of those thoughts and those feelings that you had, you know, looking back at them. And it's it's it's a horrible I feel shame. Shame. Yeah. I feel and I'm sure emailed us, too. That's what's good about talking about with other people because I feel the same.
00;47;19;22 - 00;47;47;22
Speaker 1
I, I know exactly what you're talking about. I know exactly what you're going through in that those, those feelings that you had, we were talking about a little bit earlier, you know, So, uh, it's it's pretty as hard as it is to to talk about, you know, it, it, it I think it's something that, uh, that if, if you are talking about it, it's helping other people.
00;47;47;22 - 00;47;56;19
Speaker 1
You know? It's helping definitely me, you know, because then, you know, I wasn't the only one doing it, you know? Right? Yeah.
00;47;56;22 - 00;48;06;13
Speaker 3
It comes from a place of emotion, man. Yeah, I could probably see in my body language. Yeah, I get twitchy, you know, I start talking about it because I'm like, it's like a you know, it's like.
00;48;06;15 - 00;48;19;21
Speaker 1
I just feel you're talking about the worst that the the worst part of you. You know, who gets on who who goes out and starts talking about the worst time in their life. Nobody does.
00;48;19;23 - 00;48;21;10
Speaker 2
We do that of a person. It's it.
00;48;21;16 - 00;48;22;08
Speaker 1
Yeah, but what?
00;48;22;09 - 00;48;33;25
Speaker 3
But I'm. I'm not inherently evil, right? You're right. You're evil, right? You're good people, right? I don't know who who that other person was. You don't know that other person. No, no. You know what I'm telling you? It's.
00;48;34;01 - 00;48;51;09
Speaker 2
It's kind of amazing that other person that I was and the things I did, I like had sticky fingers just like you did when it came to like, I don't have enough money to get drunk or to get high. You know what I mean? I did that stuff very disrespectful. You know what I mean? Stealing from the people I loved and stuff like that.
00;48;51;12 - 00;48;58;20
Speaker 2
Now I can look back and I was the epitome of the people that I dislike the most.
00;48;58;20 - 00;48;59;07
Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah.
00;48;59;12 - 00;49;15;14
Speaker 2
I was literally that guy. If I was another guy, I would have beat my ass every single day because I was that guy. And now I look back and I'm like, Wow, I used to talk shit about these people. Yeah. And they were me. Like, I was that guy, right?
00;49;15;14 - 00;49;16;18
Speaker 1
Yeah.
00;49;16;20 - 00;49;31;27
Speaker 3
I was that guy. And I didn't know how to get away from it, you know? And so I relapsed again. The guy that lives behind me is. Was my connection. And don't ask me how that conversation came up again.
00;49;31;27 - 00;49;33;16
Speaker 2
That's unfortunate.
00;49;33;18 - 00;49;35;27
Speaker 1
And there's it's those connections.
00;49;35;29 - 00;49;36;22
Speaker 4
He's not.
00;49;36;22 - 00;49;37;14
Speaker 3
A bad guy.
00;49;37;17 - 00;49;38;08
Speaker 4
Right? Yeah.
00;49;38;12 - 00;49;57;01
Speaker 3
And he's not a dealer. He just knows where He knows the guy. Yeah. You know, and I. I honestly think if he's not clean now, he's trying to. He's struggling. He's communicated that with me. And I would go to him. I went to him and I said, Hey, well, yeah, he's the guy, you know. Of course. Yeah, I don't get it.
00;49;57;04 - 00;50;03;03
Speaker 3
And so I was like, God, man, you know, it seems like it was never a hit and miss. It was always hit.
00;50;03;04 - 00;50;03;10
Speaker 2
It was.
00;50;03;10 - 00;50;04;22
Speaker 4
Always right.
00;50;04;25 - 00;50;06;03
Speaker 3
Always ask the right person.
00;50;06;04 - 00;50;07;00
Speaker 2
Right every time.
00;50;07;06 - 00;50;32;29
Speaker 3
And so in here you, you would even question, you know, because he's he's he's still my neighbor. He's a good guy. He would never impose that on me. He never has. I always went to him. Right. I mean, the couple the few times I went to him, you know, and then even he knew the consequences. He knew that my wife was a decent person because I'd shared that I even made a joke, man, this woman in the and my marriage, it wasn't a joke.
00;50;32;29 - 00;50;51;04
Speaker 3
It was actually there's truth to it. And he was like. Are you sure? Yeah. I'm like, Just give it to me, man. Don't go. Don't ask me. It's none of your damn business what I do, right? You know, he's like, you know, all right, you know, whatever. And so and my wife knows that now. He's still my neighbor.
00;50;51;04 - 00;51;09;16
Speaker 3
We still, you know, drive by and, you know, it's, you know, it's just But I relapsed again and then I, I barely that was after I was living at my brother's for a week or so.
00;51;09;17 - 00;51;10;05
Speaker 2
Right.
00;51;10;08 - 00;51;21;16
Speaker 3
And then I had relapsed for a few days. And then I relapsed one more time. And then my my wife, um, was not furious with me.
00;51;21;18 - 00;51;22;24
Speaker 2
She was not furious.
00;51;22;25 - 00;51;43;06
Speaker 3
When I was. She was right. I know she was, But she was she she made a reasonable, very reasonable appeal to me. She looked at me and she said, You've got to try something different because what you're doing is not working. Yeah. Yeah. So I didn't. I was like, I got to do something different. What am I going to do?
00;51;43;09 - 00;51;44;00
Speaker 3
What am I going to do?
00;51;44;01 - 00;51;47;25
Speaker 2
You already you've tried all these things? Yeah. See, that's the thing to do.
00;51;47;27 - 00;52;16;24
Speaker 3
Abstinence does not work for me. I am weak. Well, it's not that. I'm. It's just that. That is the addictions there. I have a disease, you know, And I always. I always say. I was telling you, I've got two diseases left unchecked. They're both chronic progressive, fatal. They get that. They have that potential. Yeah. And and both of them, I mean, if I'm if I'm working one the other if I'm doing the addiction, it's going to kill me with.
00;52;16;27 - 00;52;19;09
Speaker 2
The either they're connected directly.
00;52;19;11 - 00;52;30;17
Speaker 3
And so I did the whole you know I, I just started Google, Google, Google, Google and.
00;52;30;19 - 00;52;32;07
Speaker 4
You know, and.
00;52;32;11 - 00;52;34;09
Speaker 3
That's basically why.
00;52;34;12 - 00;52;36;06
Speaker 1
That's where you ended up.
00;52;36;08 - 00;52;36;26
Speaker 2
Start at the.
00;52;36;26 - 00;52;56;14
Speaker 3
Met. Yeah. And so I walked in there in desperation. Um, and I um, I just, I, I, it was so desperate when they were doing my interview, I just started unloading, you know, I started telling my story.
00;52;56;16 - 00;52;59;14
Speaker 2
Right? And this is this the program that we call it? Yes.
00;52;59;14 - 00;52;59;26
Speaker 3
Yes.
00;52;59;26 - 00;53;00;15
Speaker 2
Okay.
00;53;00;18 - 00;53;23;01
Speaker 3
And so, um, I just, I started to load. I was like, I got I got to do this, I got to do this, and, um, because I don't know how I was on it the first time, I was probably ever truly honest cognitively, you know, I was in, I had had, um, we, we, we, we made it through Thanksgiving.
00;53;23;04 - 00;53;30;14
Speaker 3
Um, I was clean through Thanksgiving. My, um, my clean date is November 19th, 2021, and so we're.
00;53;30;14 - 00;53;35;00
Speaker 2
19th. Yeah. Okay, So Thanksgiving was about a week and a half later.
00;53;35;02 - 00;53;36;21
Speaker 4
So yes.
00;53;36;23 - 00;54;02;04
Speaker 3
And so we, we had a decent Thanksgiving, but, you know, there was elephant in the room and I had already called and made an appointment to go to, to go to the place. And I was I was like, I just got to get there. I just got to get there. Like, you know, think, you know, what kind of miracle they're going to not not thinking that they're just going to wave a magic wand and poof, you know.
00;54;02;05 - 00;54;02;25
Speaker 2
Right.
00;54;02;27 - 00;54;33;16
Speaker 3
But it was going to be different because I wanted to be different. And I, I, my, uh, my kids, my one, my oldest son was at college, and so I did. I'm like, I don't want him to know. Yeah, but, uh, and my youngest son was busy doing what he was. He was in I so he was. I can't remember.
00;54;33;19 - 00;54;49;00
Speaker 3
I might have been just finishing up school, but, um, and then my daughter, who was, you know, the oldest, used I did my best, but I had her take me to see her outpatient program. I said she's going to know when we go. When I.
00;54;49;00 - 00;54;49;13
Speaker 2
Go.
00;54;49;13 - 00;55;01;09
Speaker 3
Yeah. When I pull up there. And she says, you know, whatever. So we, uh, that was the biggest thing was me having to tell her that Dad had, uh, relapsed again. And.
00;55;01;12 - 00;55;04;17
Speaker 2
And so she knew your history, though, as far as.
00;55;04;17 - 00;55;39;17
Speaker 3
Oh, yeah, very much so. Yeah, very much so. But I love my kids. I always. I loved them. I just had this problem, you know? I did my best. I did my best despite, my shortcomings, you know, I did what I could. It was just she did not know the you know, they didn't they just didn't know how bad I didn't know how bad it was like, you know, I was just knew that it would, you know, raise its ugly head and and I had to deal with it.
00;55;39;20 - 00;55;59;27
Speaker 3
And so she drove me there and I was like, I guess you're probably wondering why you're and she's all, well, a buck, I'm getting help. And she said, Good, good. And so that was it. And so she's like, Whatever you need, you need a ride. Because at that time, I had lost my driving privileges because of my eyesight.
00;56;00;02 - 00;56;21;06
Speaker 3
Right. No job, no driving privileges, which weighed heavy on me. But the family was support. The family support was there. Right there. There's, you know, your will get you there. And so that's that's where my recovery goes into my into my comes into my life.
00;56;21;11 - 00;56;21;22
Speaker 1
Right.
00;56;21;22 - 00;56;23;24
Speaker 3
I'm now in recovery. Never done.
00;56;23;26 - 00;56;32;01
Speaker 2
Recovery. Never done recovery. Like you said, you were abstinent. You know, why not clean, you know, clean, get some clean time to but never actually recovering.
00;56;32;02 - 00;56;42;22
Speaker 3
Right. So what do I do? You know, how do I how do I do this? And I just open mind and just let it let it all happened and it's changed my life.
00;56;42;24 - 00;57;17;29
Speaker 1
To just like. Just like when, uh, you took that first line of of meth, of crack. Was there a period in time or was there a moment in recovery? You went in and you said, I'm done with this. I don't want anything. You know, you were similar to what I felt, too. I was I was done. But I remember having a light bulb turn on for me and say, okay, I know, I know what to do.
00;57;18;01 - 00;57;36;08
Speaker 1
Um, and then so I'm in pursuit of that on a daily basis now, But was there something that that, that turned that light switch on for you and, and in recovery that helped you and is sustained you up to this point.
00;57;36;10 - 00;58;08;26
Speaker 3
Um, I had never been in I went to a meeting several years back and I was I was just when I was going to my when I was at my brother's house, I was I was kind of working my way towards something, but I wasn't sure. And I went to a meeting and I was just there and just the, um, I felt something in that room.
00;58;08;29 - 00;58;18;14
Speaker 3
I was like, and these, these people are all they all seem genuinely free and clear, right? You know what I'm saying?
00;58;18;14 - 00;58;19;02
Speaker 2
Right?
00;58;19;04 - 00;58;52;04
Speaker 3
And so I was like, you know, I get that, but it just hasn't happened yet. And it wasn't it just hadn't happened yet. And so when I, when I got into rooms and person, um, and I just, I think I was just so ready, right, I started just, just spilling my guts man, and just listen and, um, you know, at the same time of the command of my duty, it was, Oh.
00;58;52;06 - 00;58;52;27
Speaker 4
I think.
00;58;52;29 - 00;58;57;11
Speaker 1
I think we all have that were like, Oh, I should maybe I shouldn't have said that.
00;58;57;11 - 00;58;58;12
Speaker 2
Right.
00;58;58;14 - 00;59;12;10
Speaker 3
Right. And then I was talking to someone I had a therapist. Yeah, I was talking to, and I was like, okay, well, we'll see how this is going to work. And again, keep an open mind, man. She would take me to places I did not want to go comfortably.
00;59;12;12 - 00;59;13;01
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00;59;13;03 - 00;59;19;08
Speaker 3
And and not let me out of it. I'm like, I'm not talking about that. She's like, We need to.
00;59;19;11 - 00;59;20;02
Speaker 2
Do you need to.
00;59;20;02 - 00;59;31;17
Speaker 3
Let's talk about it. You're uncomfortable. And again, I'm you know, she would say I'd be like she would see my body language is she's all this is something that you're yeah.
00;59;31;20 - 00;59;31;28
Speaker 2
You get.
00;59;31;29 - 00;59;33;16
Speaker 4
Tense get little.
00;59;33;19 - 00;59;51;12
Speaker 3
Cross my arms and you know and she's like you got to deal with this stuff, you know, And I'm like, okay. And I just felt like the more I talked about it and even stuff that I would say, okay, I'm going to talk about this, this stuff I'm talking about over this stuff I'm never going to talk about.
00;59;51;12 - 00;59;59;12
Speaker 3
Right. And you know, but then I would start to grab would think, it's okay. Well, to talk about that now. Okay, I to talk about that now.
00;59;59;15 - 01;00;01;01
Speaker 2
You know first level kind of.
01;00;01;03 - 01;00;27;15
Speaker 3
And then Yeah. And it wasn't until I went to a meeting recently I'd always heard about balance and you got to have all that, which I know now to be true for me. I have got to have 360 degrees a program, right? My life. Yeah. And I would always look at okay program that that entails a whole bunch of stuff that I'm going to have to add to my life.
01;00;27;15 - 01;00;28;17
Speaker 2
Yeah, it does.
01;00;28;20 - 01;00;35;14
Speaker 3
But what I didn't realize is, is that it was missing all along. It wasn't stuff I needed to add, it was missing.
01;00;35;14 - 01;00;36;23
Speaker 2
Should have been there the whole time.
01;00;36;23 - 01;00;37;29
Speaker 3
There. The whole time?
01;00;38;01 - 01;00;46;16
Speaker 2
Yeah. Very few of us have complete full lives when we're in our addiction because our addiction eats up.
01;00;46;18 - 01;00;47;21
Speaker 1
A portion of it.
01;00;47;23 - 01;00;49;16
Speaker 4
Most of it, Yeah.
01;00;49;18 - 01;01;12;27
Speaker 2
You know, I'd say. I mean, it was most of it. I plan my days around it. Yeah. No, I never planned it around what I had going. And I mean pretty much with, you know, with alcohol. It's so acceptable that everything I do, I can drink while I'm doing it. And it's okay, Right? Like if we're going to go to the beach, I can get drunk before going bowling.
01;01;12;28 - 01;01;20;18
Speaker 2
I can get drunk if I'm going to a concert. If we're going to dinner, I can get drunk, you know, and yeah, and I think with that.
01;01;20;18 - 01;01;49;28
Speaker 1
Part, I think if you break it down to as you, you know, you instead of filling my time looking for alcohol, I am now looking for opportunity. I'm looking for the things that I need to stay stay in recovery, to stay sober. Yeah. You know that constant contact with my high power with God? Yeah. You know that service of others?
01;01;49;28 - 01;01;51;12
Speaker 3
Yes.
01;01;51;14 - 01;02;03;24
Speaker 1
You know, some of those things are that I. All I did was take those things and put it in place of, of, of everything I was doing to attain alcohol.
01;02;03;26 - 01;02;04;08
Speaker 3
Right.
01;02;04;08 - 01;02;19;14
Speaker 2
Right. Because that was a lot of effort. I've heard you. Yeah, I've heard you speak in rooms about chasing your sobriety the same way that you used to chase the drink or whatever the addiction is. Because, yeah, the effort that we put in to getting loaded was immense.
01;02;19;17 - 01;02;20;03
Speaker 3
It was a bet.
01;02;20;08 - 01;02;29;16
Speaker 2
So if we just put, you know, half of that into our sobriety, your life is going to get filled up with all these things. Chris, you have quite a few service commitments.
01;02;29;19 - 01;02;31;05
Speaker 3
I've got. I've got.
01;02;31;07 - 01;02;33;20
Speaker 4
Three. Yeah.
01;02;33;22 - 01;02;43;20
Speaker 2
See in that right there. I mean, if you weren't doing those and you were still in your addict at that time would just be used with you doing that. Right. Right. Wasted time pretty much.
01;02;43;22 - 01;03;09;02
Speaker 3
Well and again I looked at it. I'm like service commitments. Going to take some time, you know, but. But not really. But I was I was into it. I was like, we're because of my limitations, right? You know, I'm like, where am I going to be able to fit and have the service commitment, You know, and told I was thinking too big, you know, you know, I can't drive to meetings.
01;03;09;03 - 01;03;21;03
Speaker 3
MM Zoom has been a godsend. Yeah. You know, so that's where I found my place. You know, it was like someone said, Oh, there's the service commitment available. And I'm like, okay, I'll do it. You know.
01;03;21;09 - 01;03;22;07
Speaker 1
Before you could think.
01;03;22;07 - 01;03;23;01
Speaker 4
About it.
01;03;23;04 - 01;03;45;07
Speaker 3
You just have a business meeting or whatever, and then, okay, you get yours, you know, and then it's God's are the best decisions I've ever made. That's right. You know, in my. And, um, I've got time, you know. Yeah. And so it is, it is incredible the just I'm just excited. And even still I've been doing it for a little while.
01;03;45;09 - 01;03;50;13
Speaker 3
I'll wake up in the morning and I'm like, okay, I got a meeting today. You know, as soon as I wake up, I start preparing myself, you know?
01;03;50;15 - 01;03;54;13
Speaker 2
Do you know, are you at a point now where you enjoy your service commitments?
01;03;54;15 - 01;03;55;19
Speaker 3
Oh, yeah. From the get go.
01;03;55;19 - 01;03;56;09
Speaker 2
From the get go.
01;03;56;10 - 01;04;13;11
Speaker 3
Because at first it was all I was like, Oh, man, I got to have everything perfectly in my, you know, my bag of magnifying glass over here. And this this is the way it's got to be. And, and the people that come to the meetings are a lot of the usual suspects, right? So they know if things take a little bit longer.
01;04;13;11 - 01;04;14;09
Speaker 1
Or.
01;04;14;11 - 01;04;28;27
Speaker 3
Work, they know like nothing. You know, it's all good. And so that's what I like about you know, the the like mindedness of recovery. Those people, they're like, whatever, man. We're all, you know, no hurry. No, no. We're certainly not judging.
01;04;28;27 - 01;04;32;23
Speaker 1
You know, nobody's putting a stopwatch on, you know.
01;04;32;26 - 01;04;35;01
Speaker 4
Oh, Oh.
01;04;35;04 - 01;04;59;09
Speaker 2
Man, that was funny. That was funny. I was I consider this, believe it or not, to be one of my service commitments. I remember Sam. He asked me, you know, after I came on and did one with him, maybe a few weeks later or something like that, he asked me if I wouldn't mind come in and, you know, just hanging out with him, you know, just sitting here talking to some of our friends and stuff, you know what I mean?
01;04;59;11 - 01;05;16;04
Speaker 2
And I was like, you know what I will did? I didn't necessarily want to do it at the beginning. I was like, I don't know. You know, like if I want to do that a couple of times a week and this and that and now because at that time I thought of it as that would be a service agreement like that.
01;05;16;04 - 01;05;28;07
Speaker 2
It's something that I can do to help me with my sobriety and the help Sam and everybody that comes on with their sobriety. And like you said, now I look forward to it. So now I got up and I got to find something else because now this is just fun.
01;05;28;09 - 01;05;29;09
Speaker 4
Yeah.
01;05;29;12 - 01;05;32;10
Speaker 3
And you would ask me about at some point, did the light come on?
01;05;32;12 - 01;05;32;29
Speaker 1
Yeah.
01;05;33;01 - 01;05;40;01
Speaker 3
They did. But I think that I think it's getting brighter, you know what I'm saying? You know, as I.
01;05;40;03 - 01;05;40;24
Speaker 1
Dig a little bit.
01;05;40;24 - 01;06;00;19
Speaker 3
Deeper, dig a little bit deeper, um, uh, uh, through more step work, uh, I have a great sponsor. A guy is incredible. I was saying that today. I'm like, Dude, where did you come from? Did did God just. Bob There he is. Bad just for you?
01;06;00;23 - 01;06;04;13
Speaker 1
Kind of, Yeah Oh.
01;06;04;15 - 01;06;15;28
Speaker 3
I'll call him. And I will just have these, you know, looking for life's answers and and expecting this big philosophical explanation. And it's just one sentence.
01;06;16;00 - 01;06;18;08
Speaker 2
And it nails it. How, right? Yeah.
01;06;18;08 - 01;06;38;27
Speaker 3
Where did you come from? In. And so, um, um, but it wasn't until I. I surrendered, I had to surrender. I had to, you know, not Chris as well, but yours. Be done. You know, that type of thing. Because I would always. This is okay. Okay. This is the way it's going to go. I'm going to. It was always me.
01;06;38;29 - 01;06;40;27
Speaker 3
Um, very selfishly.
01;06;40;29 - 01;06;43;27
Speaker 1
That's at one dimension that you're wanting to mention, you know?
01;06;44;03 - 01;07;06;29
Speaker 3
Yeah. And I was talking with you and I was talking with you about it, you know? You know, I would always look in the wrong places for for my answers. You know, I'd always be like, okay, I'm going to hear this thunderous. The answer is going to smack me right in the face or, you know, or I mean, it's going to be very the detail is going to be so finite, I'm not going to discover it.
01;07;07;02 - 01;07;24;05
Speaker 3
But it's not like that. It's not it's not that I am not challenged like that. My answers come out of your mouth. My answers come out of your mouth. That's how it's been. Every meeting, man, every meeting I go to. That's why I like going to meetings. But I'm getting I'm like, okay, okay. Like, okay, what have I got?
01;07;24;05 - 01;07;52;21
Speaker 3
What am I looking for? And I'll get it. Even even questions I'm not pondering even. They're kind of hovering, you know, in that, in that space between, you know, where, you know, nonexistent and Oh, yeah, I need to ask about this. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, that's what I want to know. And I'm just. I'm blown away. It's it's, it's, um, it only comes from the oh one comes from work in a program, and you guys know that as well as I do, man.
01;07;52;21 - 01;08;21;02
Speaker 3
I just, you know, um, my, my wife had made a, I made this statement early in recovery. Uh, she said, you know, I've, I'm like, I'm doing it. I'm doing it. And she's and she had said before, before she really realized that, Oh, he's serious. Yeah. Um, she said, you know, if it wasn't, if, if kids and I were not with you, you'd still be using right now.
01;08;21;05 - 01;08;27;23
Speaker 3
And I said, no, no, for a long time. And then I finally said, You know what? You, you that was true.
01;08;27;24 - 01;08;34;15
Speaker 2
You didn't believe that to be true when she first said it, you really thought like, Nah, I would still be in recovery.
01;08;34;21 - 01;08;38;05
Speaker 3
I, I, I think I was lying.
01;08;38;07 - 01;08;40;29
Speaker 2
Yeah. You think you knew way back here.
01;08;41;02 - 01;09;07;07
Speaker 3
But I was like, No, no, you know, because I think that she was that's I had burned that into her. Know that this guy's never going to stop. Right. And so now it's, you know, hey, I got my meeting and she's all right. So you see a little bit, you know, she is, uh, um, she believes she's, she's she knows recovery works.
01;09;07;07 - 01;09;08;02
Speaker 2
Yeah, it does.
01;09;08;02 - 01;09;22;09
Speaker 3
I have made a believer out of her that recovery works, and the friends I've made when I go home. But I tell her, you know, uh, uh, I just said, Oh, this meeting was incredible. You know, I can't even convey that.
01;09;22;09 - 01;09;22;20
Speaker 1
Right.
01;09;22;21 - 01;09;32;08
Speaker 3
To her. There was so much information that was so, so much that went on. I'm just like, this is just you had to be there. You know, She she believes it.
01;09;32;08 - 01;09;44;06
Speaker 2
She I'm just I'm just curious. I know back to what you had said, what she, uh, how she asked you about, like, you know, What do you think, Sam? If the if the wife and the kids weren't there, you think.
01;09;44;06 - 01;09;45;08
Speaker 1
Uh.
01;09;45;10 - 01;09;52;15
Speaker 2
Think you would, uh, found your recovery when you found it?
01;09;52;17 - 01;10;39;08
Speaker 1
I don't know. Uh, because on one hand, I didn't want to be. I didn't want to be. I think it would be. Would have harder. Mm hmm. Um, uh, I could probably say. Yeah, I probably would have still been. She still would have been using drinking. Um, I think, though, that, that my understanding of it, of it now is, and we've talked about this before and that is that on the other side of that I want to, I'm trying to learn how to be sober regardless of the situation that I'm in.
01;10;39;12 - 01;10;40;02
Speaker 3
Right, right.
01;10;40;02 - 01;11;03;00
Speaker 1
Regardless of you know, because one of these days, one of these days, something bad is going to happen and somebody is going to want to make me drink. You know, how am I going to face that? And I want to know that I'm going to be okay. That's that's important to me. And that's partly why I still show up.
01;11;03;02 - 01;11;40;03
Speaker 1
It's partly why cause it when I tell you in that I don't want any part of drinking, I don't like it. I don't want it, I, I sincerely, wholeheartedly believe that. That doesn't mean that I don't have days that, that, that I could drink right. Or moments that I could drink. And so that's scares me and that's what keeps me keeps me going and and wanting to talk to more and more people that have more time than me or the people that don't have more time than me.
01;11;40;05 - 01;11;51;21
Speaker 1
You know, some of the best things that are or the ones that come in and they got a day two, days, four days, because they remind you why you're doing what you're doing.
01;11;51;22 - 01;11;52;17
Speaker 2
Yeah.
01;11;52;19 - 01;12;10;15
Speaker 1
And it's not just the reminder, but just you just like when you're talking about things and how I can feel them. I can feel them when they're talking about it. Cause I know those I know those thoughts. Yeah. How about you? Yeah.
01;12;10;18 - 01;12;11;15
Speaker 2
Oh, same question.
01;12;11;19 - 01;12;12;17
Speaker 1
Yeah.
01;12;12;19 - 01;12;27;28
Speaker 2
Um, most definitely. I'd. I'd still be partying. Yeah, I'd still be out there 100, 100%. And I got. I got clean. I'm in recovery for myself. I, I am for myself. I have to.
01;12;27;28 - 01;12;28;05
Speaker 3
Be.
01;12;28;09 - 01;12;51;05
Speaker 2
I have to be. But at the same time, there's things that I ask my higher power for when I was deep in my addiction and when I was younger, you know, I wanted the wife the right wife, you know what I mean you know, in the drug world, it's getting women is easy, you know what I mean? But I wanted the right wife.
01;12;51;07 - 01;12;55;23
Speaker 2
I wanted children out. Damn, Chris, I was like you.
01;12;55;25 - 01;12;57;01
Speaker 1
Want a family?
01;12;57;03 - 01;13;29;24
Speaker 2
I wanted a family. My parents were never together. Like I said, I was raised by my grandparents and I saw them. But that was old school, indifferent to. You know what I mean? So I wanted that, you know. So I believe that my higher power put me in this position with my wife and with my children for this moment, you know, like, so I wanted to get clean for myself, but so I could be a better father, a better husband, a better son, a better grandson, a better brother, all of those things, you know.
01;13;29;26 - 01;13;43;15
Speaker 2
But I honestly think that from being in these rooms and these stories that I hear from these men and women, I felt like my rock bottom was.
01;13;43;17 - 01;13;44;11
Speaker 4
Leaps.
01;13;44;17 - 01;14;05;20
Speaker 2
And bounds higher than a lot of other people's rock bottom was. And I think without my wife and without my children, that I probably would have had to see a little bit worse for me to kick it. You know, I really feel like I would have had to be maybe even on the street, something, you know, for me to realize it.
01;14;05;20 - 01;14;29;02
Speaker 2
And I'm not proud to say that, you know, I'm blessed to be able to say, yeah, I didn't have to get there, you know, But just saw how it was just my life was going absolutely nowhere. And things were progressively slowly, very slowly but progressively getting worse and worse, never better, you know. So, yeah, I think eye to eye probably still be out there.
01;14;29;02 - 01;14;30;14
Speaker 2
So thank God that he.
01;14;30;21 - 01;14;51;16
Speaker 3
I would have I would have left a terrible legacy behind. I was convinced that this is out. This is going to die this way. And this is how my kids are going to remember me. And that's it. But fortunately for the three of us, but I've got I don't know what it is, but I've got people in some of the rooms.
01;14;51;16 - 01;15;10;03
Speaker 3
I go in, three of them I've heard of recently. They lived in tents. You know, they were they have lost everything. They were reduced to nothing. Right. You know, just existing with their addiction. And now they are all self-sustaining. I mean, you know, years of clean time.
01;15;10;09 - 01;15;11;23
Speaker 2
Bringing themselves back into.
01;15;11;24 - 01;15;24;17
Speaker 3
And they have you know, you never know if you met that person on the street. Right. Unless they told you what was right because you would just think they were just, you know, just a regular person.
01;15;24;19 - 01;15;41;04
Speaker 2
Right. It's funny because sometimes it's the other way. Sometimes you see that person at their rock bottom and you forget maybe five years, maybe two years, maybe six months ago, their life looked just like yours. Yeah, you know. Yeah. And something can happen just like that.
01;15;41;06 - 01;15;52;07
Speaker 3
We and I've heard that, too. People that were doing so well, you're like. And then you hear. I've heard, you know. Oh, yeah, you overdose, right? You know, I'm like and do drugs, you know.
01;15;52;07 - 01;15;54;20
Speaker 2
Right. Like that guy. I didn't know he even did it.
01;15;54;23 - 01;15;56;10
Speaker 4
Yeah.
01;15;56;12 - 01;15;57;23
Speaker 1
Yeah.
01;15;57;25 - 01;16;06;21
Speaker 3
So yeah, the, you know, back to the, my, my childhood we had a small group of guys are about five of us. We were always that was our group.
01;16;06;27 - 01;16;07;24
Speaker 2
Yeah.
01;16;07;27 - 01;16;25;27
Speaker 3
And we had, we had all, uh, we were all addicts and doing, you know, dude crank at the time, I, um, uh at some point in time, I looked, uh, I tried to look for them.
01;16;25;29 - 01;16;28;04
Speaker 2
Right. And. Oh, in recovery.
01;16;28;06 - 01;16;53;18
Speaker 3
But not in recovery. Just when I was clean. Okay, what they're up to, you know, But I was clean and I was looking, you know, just and we had when I had originally started by the in that residential program, we had we had were dispersed. Dispersed. Yeah, the group had dispersed, but I went back and two of them are not here in the service anymore, they both overdosed on heroin.
01;16;53;21 - 01;16;57;26
Speaker 2
But we took that next jump though, that jump that you didn't take, they took it.
01;16;58;01 - 01;17;14;18
Speaker 3
They ended up they're not here anymore. So that's, uh. But yeah, they never, they never had the opportunity to and maybe they did. They just didn't take it. They just didn't jump at it. But, uh, I am thankful that, you know, I'm thankful.
01;17;14;19 - 01;17;16;06
Speaker 1
Now, um.
01;17;16;08 - 01;17;26;10
Speaker 3
That I am where I am today and is, I mean, it's just. It's not going to work any other way, except. Yeah, it's. I'm sure it's just not going to work any other way.
01;17;26;13 - 01;17;28;09
Speaker 1
I agree with you 100%.
01;17;28;10 - 01;17;45;01
Speaker 3
Um, and I have, I've, I've created the safety net for myself, just these layers of defense and protection. I'm like, I am. I'm putting everything my disposal up, you know, to where if someone sees something off, they're going to ask me what the problem is.
01;17;45;01 - 01;18;05;24
Speaker 2
That's right. I just supposed to do, Uh, Sam Spam speaks on that a lot. Putting As many things in between you and whatever your drug of choice is, you know, whatever is going to take your sobriety, put as many barriers as you possibly can, and between those things. So if something fails, there's another one there. If something fails, there's another one there, you know?
01;18;05;26 - 01;18;09;08
Speaker 2
Yeah, it's just one of those tools that we've been learning.
01;18;09;10 - 01;18;17;29
Speaker 3
And you'd ask me my question here, what my triggers were. Yeah, self-pity. That's my big that's the big one. And it has to do with my physical ailment.
01;18;18;00 - 01;18;18;22
Speaker 1
Yeah.
01;18;18;25 - 01;18;21;25
Speaker 3
Cause I'll use I'll. I would use that to my advantage.
01;18;21;25 - 01;18;23;07
Speaker 2
Whoa. As Chris, huh?
01;18;23;09 - 01;18;42;09
Speaker 3
Yeah. What was Chris? Yeah, I will use it. I will get depressed and use Will. But, you know, I faced something like I was saying, my grandmother passed away and I had, uh, I just passed. Let's see. No, I was coming up on a year.
01;18;42;11 - 01;18;43;03
Speaker 2
Right?
01;18;43;06 - 01;18;55;02
Speaker 3
My year of sobriety clean, my true year of recovery right. And I'm like, Oh, like grandma sick. Here comes, you know, what am I going to do? I never felt like using once and never felt like picking up.
01;18;55;02 - 01;18;55;22
Speaker 2
Not once.
01;18;55;22 - 01;19;12;19
Speaker 3
Not once. I was not I was not there. I never occupied that space. Um, I pulled up to my grandma's house, my brother and I, and I just stared at that house. And I'm like, She is not there. And I in there with my mother. She was in there. She met me in there and my my stepfather.
01;19;12;21 - 01;19;13;05
Speaker 2
Right.
01;19;13;08 - 01;19;24;21
Speaker 3
And I, uh, I wept with my mother in only what I can call a pure moment. Right? I wept and grieved the way a person supposed to not go. And important chemical.
01;19;24;21 - 01;19;25;17
Speaker 1
Something.
01;19;25;20 - 01;19;51;05
Speaker 3
Is in your body, right? And I believe that I got through that. I got, you know, still grieving for the loss of my grandmother. But of course, that moment that I worried about, uh, I just went through it and, uh, and I stayed connected. Uh, I stayed in contact with my sponsor, and, um, you know, I just, uh, I was.
01;19;51;05 - 01;19;53;05
Speaker 3
I was. I was calibrated for the moment.
01;19;53;10 - 01;20;11;14
Speaker 1
Yeah, I would. Yeah, I would say that you that's the biggest thing in recovery for me is the it is now I have the tools to be to, to be mindful of when I'm going to have those type of triggers, my triggers, you know.
01;20;11;20 - 01;20;19;24
Speaker 3
But there might not future tripping. Yeah but you know there might be the moment like you're saying.
01;20;19;24 - 01;20;20;10
Speaker 1
Yeah.
01;20;20;12 - 01;20;22;23
Speaker 3
That hits you in a way that nothing else hits you.
01;20;22;27 - 01;20;32;04
Speaker 1
Yeah, but. But it's, it's because you have those things in between you and doing it.
01;20;32;07 - 01;20;40;22
Speaker 3
Right and it doesn't have to be a catastrophic event, right? It could be something minuscule. We were talking about there are the the flat, the bicycle tires going flat.
01;20;40;23 - 01;20;41;18
Speaker 2
Yeah, exactly.
01;20;41;22 - 01;20;44;17
Speaker 3
It doesn't have to be something. Yeah. Just be that one where your.
01;20;44;17 - 01;20;48;02
Speaker 2
Mind states at. Right. What happens. Yeah.
01;20;48;04 - 01;21;00;10
Speaker 1
Before we go, what is, what is something you would tell looking back, tell your 1516 year old self, You know.
01;21;00;13 - 01;21;18;07
Speaker 3
Um, life is always going to be a test, um, no matter what. You know, some people have it a little bit easier than others, but everybody's plate is full. You know, if I could comprehend that at this age, but at 15 or 16 years old. But I would say don't do it. Just stay the course. It's to get bad.
01;21;18;07 - 01;21;40;17
Speaker 3
It's going to be it's going to get ugly. I'd say, Chris, you're going to you're going to feel like you're the only person that feels the way you do, but you just got to stay on course and you're going to get to a point in your life, too, where you actually feel like a human being, like you, you know, like you feel like like things are the way they're supposed to be.
01;21;40;24 - 01;21;42;03
Speaker 1
You know, just existing.
01;21;42;09 - 01;21;46;14
Speaker 3
Not just existing. Because I know that's a lot of people just feel like, yeah, why am I even here?
01;21;46;14 - 01;21;47;02
Speaker 1
Yeah.
01;21;47;05 - 01;22;04;06
Speaker 3
You know, And I was often backed into that corner, even though, like I said, I had a mother that would always she always had back always if I told her what was going on. Most of the time I just kept to myself, Right. You know, I'm like, what am I going to tell? What am I gonna juggle her with this?
01;22;04;06 - 01;22;27;27
Speaker 3
Or, you know, and I don't even know if the if I processed it like that. I just didn't tell her, you know? Um, and sometimes I did, because I would come home beat up. Yeah. Or something. And, and then, you know, she would say, what happened, and I have to tell her, but I would just tell myself, just, you know, I don't do it.
01;22;27;27 - 01;22;38;02
Speaker 3
Don't do those things. You know, they're it's not going to make anything better. It will, it will if you survive it, it's always it's going to be worse.
01;22;38;04 - 01;22;38;14
Speaker 1
Yeah.
01;22;38;18 - 01;22;45;29
Speaker 3
You know, there's a lot of times I should not have survived, but I'm still here for a reason, you know, And I.
01;22;46;02 - 01;22;48;22
Speaker 1
I just know you get to live out that purpose.
01;22;48;24 - 01;22;50;05
Speaker 3
That's right. Yeah.
01;22;50;07 - 01;23;20;17
Speaker 1
And what would you tell somebody that is on the cusp of quitting that I, i, we, I, I always preface it with that. I don't think there's really anything you can tell somebody, because I know that there was nothing nobody could anybody could have told me to quit. But the person that's has an issue knows they have an issue and is is on the cusp of of of making that jump to quit.
01;23;20;19 - 01;23;23;02
Speaker 1
What was something that you would tell them.
01;23;23;05 - 01;23;43;10
Speaker 3
Yeah. I would say if you're thinking about quitting, then it's time to quit because I'll tell you right now, anybody that's doing anybody that's up in anything like that knows that there's a problem. It's not like they any time they look at themselves in the mirror, they're like, There's a problem here. I can guarantee you they know there is.
01;23;43;10 - 01;24;09;23
Speaker 3
They just drown it out with whatever methods, you know. But, um, I would say there, you know, said seize the day. You know, it is it's time. If you think it's time, it is time. And there there are more resources and there's more help available out there now than there is. And there's more certainly more understanding of the disease than there has ever been.
01;24;09;23 - 01;24;41;09
Speaker 3
It's not just, oh, this person's, you know, you know, what's a screw up, All right? It's just it's not like that. Oh, yeah, that that suggesting because it's not you know, it's everybody's should have an opportunity to recover and live a live life. Um, but you just got there's, there are resources out there a lot of most of them are free, you know they're, they're, you know I know I know people that their recovery is free.
01;24;41;11 - 01;25;00;14
Speaker 3
You know, it is free. You know that old saying there's a lot of thing. It's a gift, you know, it will cost you everything, tells you everything you got, you know, you know, you just got to want to do it. And, um, I just, uh, I because I didn't, I didn't know. And it's got to be something different.
01;25;00;16 - 01;25;26;08
Speaker 3
If you've tried and tried and tried and failed, it's because you just you need to. You need to try something different and and give up. You know, it's. That's why, you know, a lot of literature over multiple, you know, organizations. The chapters are recovery and relapse. Yeah. As it happens, it doesn't mean it's the end of the world again.
01;25;26;08 - 01;25;37;02
Speaker 3
It doesn't mean that I guess I'm not guess I'm not cut out to be in recovery. It is. It is. It is. It is for everybody. And so, you know, we've seen it.
01;25;37;02 - 01;25;37;13
Speaker 1
Yeah.
01;25;37;14 - 01;25;41;00
Speaker 3
See the you know, the miracles and the fruits of recovery all the time.
01;25;41;03 - 01;26;09;15
Speaker 1
Yeah. You're so right. I mean across across any any industry or, or, or any in our lives, you can find a common theme or where it's been said in any area, never give up then we grew up. Never give up. Um. Um. Who was it that did that famous never give up. Never, never, never. No, Nobody.
01;26;09;15 - 01;26;09;24
Speaker 3
Nobody.
01;26;10;00 - 01;26;12;08
Speaker 2
You know, it was one.
01;26;12;11 - 01;26;12;13
Speaker 4
Of.
01;26;12;13 - 01;26;13;16
Speaker 2
Those trying to find it.
01;26;13;19 - 01;26;19;27
Speaker 1
Uh oh. And then is it Nike? What is Nike's slogan?
01;26;19;29 - 01;26;23;05
Speaker 2
That's a bad one for addicts, man. Is it? Just do it.
01;26;23;08 - 01;26;29;04
Speaker 4
Oh, my bad. No, that was.
01;26;29;06 - 01;27;11;04
Speaker 1
I was thinking something else, But, uh. But, yeah, never give up. Um, look, um, you know, you wouldn't be here today if you didn't. All those times trying and trying. You see how many times you relapsed? Um, I saw similar to that as well. I'm sure remolded to, you know, but it's just so much as as corny as it sounds, I, I, I do have a purpose and I, I really want to really, really want to help people.
01;27;11;06 - 01;27;57;23
Speaker 1
Um, it it's not just something I'm reading from a Hallmark script, you know, uh, and that help people by giving them money or not help people by by giving them some words of wisdom. I don't have any of that. What I, what I do have is a smile and being kind and, and, and, um, uh, you know, just all those little details, you know, find that if you there's, you know, you had mentioned that that you were, you wanted to be of service in this grand way or that you thought would have to be in a grand way.
01;27;57;26 - 01;28;29;05
Speaker 1
And really it's it's it's not it's the saying hello to somebody whose first meeting or you know, I remember I remember when, uh, when Vince first called him, I could say his name because he was in the group or he's been here, but in the group, Vince said, Sam, why don't you start us out? I was only there for like, two weeks, and he didn't do my intake, and he wasn't my counselor.
01;28;29;05 - 01;28;52;16
Speaker 1
Didn't know you, didn't know me? Never other than me just sitting in there, you know. And I thought, Wow, this guy really knows my name. You know, I thought I was like, okay. And then I, I think a couple of weeks later or somebody I don't know if was a guy or girl, but I just remember them saying, you know, Oh, hey, Sam, have a good day, you know?
01;28;52;16 - 01;29;07;12
Speaker 1
And it was just like, Wow, you know who I am? You know, you know, you remembered my name. And just that little bit, uh, sustained me and kept me going for a while. More, for more, more, you know, evening or whatever.
01;29;07;12 - 01;29;16;24
Speaker 3
I remember telling any of those people my name. Yeah, they all knew my. Yeah, Honestly, I have to introduce myself. Yeah, I think they introduced me and then it was.
01;29;16;26 - 01;29;18;00
Speaker 2
Probably.
01;29;18;02 - 01;29;18;18
Speaker 3
Just.
01;29;18;20 - 01;29;20;07
Speaker 2
Yeah, it's an awesome place though.
01;29;20;10 - 01;29;20;25
Speaker 3
Yeah.
01;29;20;28 - 01;29;25;28
Speaker 1
It is. Well, you have anything else, Chris?
01;29;26;01 - 01;29;29;24
Speaker 3
No, you'd never have to use again. That's it. It could be the day.
01;29;29;27 - 01;29;32;08
Speaker 1
You know about. You remember.
01;29;32;11 - 01;29;38;08
Speaker 2
You know, No. Long as you guys don't feel like going out and getting drunk or getting high, I think we can conclude. You guys good? Yeah.
01;29;38;10 - 01;29;38;22
Speaker 1
Good.
01;29;38;27 - 01;29;41;27
Speaker 2
Great. All right. Well, I guess I had a really good time with you fellas.
01;29;41;27 - 01;29;42;16
Speaker 3
Thank you.
01;29;42;19 - 01;29;44;00
Speaker 1
Appreciate it. Thank you.
01;29;44;02 - 01;29;46;13
Speaker 2
All right, Kick rocks.