3. Queer Posing 101: Photographer Edition

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Anna 0:34

Clearly, beloved, what's up? I'm so glad you're here. My name is Anna. I run wildly connected photography and I'm here to make the wedding industry better and a better space for LGBTQ plus couples everywhere. We are gathered here today to discuss posing yet again, but this time as it pertains to photographers specifically, as you may remember from the last episode, which if you haven't listened, would highly recommend listening to that one as well. This episode is here because I recently learned from in-person feedback that many photographers haven't realized that posing queer. Is a totally different experience and it requires different skills. It's just, it's a muscle that not many photographers have had to work, and so they aren't aware that they can't just copy and paste poses from their traditional straight sessions into the queer ones. Okay. So I feel like I'm, I'm in a good spot to share this with the photo community because not only have I been photographing queer, For quite some time now. But because I am queer and I've been photographed with my partner several times for shoots, and I can speak to how vulnerable that experience is, I would say that that queer love is just like so special. And like I said last week, it's like sacred, like this experie. is sacred, and I truly mean that because, I don't know, I just think that it's such a different kind of love, and it's so special. But not only in that, it's also because you never know, like what people might be thinking about you just in life in general. But then you show up and there is a camera and you don't really know what the person behind it thinks about you, and you're starting to question everything and like what you should do. So it's a, it's a. but that's why I wanted to take some time to speak specifically to photographers, just to give some good tips and, and hopefully we can really kind of shift the industry for the better. So, again, who doesn't love a good story? That's where we're gonna start this week. I would like you all to meet my partner. Her name is Angie. She's pretty great. And, uh, last. We stepped in to be a model couple for a photography content day. we didn't have a ton of information going into the session, but I was like, I've been in that spot before, like, totally, we'll help you out. Let's go. So we show up and we see a large crowd of photographers, which. You know, it is already intimidating as you can maybe picture or guess. But then as we get closer, we see that a lot of them are wearing hats or clothing items, or other things that kind of reflect a certain religious ideology. And we both like instantly gave each other a look and we're like, oh, shoot, what is, I don't know what's happening. So I'm not here to bash on religion or any certain ideas. That's not the goal or the focus. I'm just here to share a story of how we, we didn't know what to expect and like we were already kind of nervous without saying each other, saying to each other what we were thinking. and then on top of that, seeing a group of people that we were extra unsure of what they might be thinking. It's, it's a lot. It's very vulnerable. And we just didn't know if we were gonna walk away with just, you know, some cute photos or if we were gonna walk away feeling gross and ashamed because of how people made us feel. I can tell you it wasn't outright bad. Uh, we definitely did feel a little bit weird and I could also tell that most of the photographers there had never worked with a couple like us and like weren't really sure how to interact with us. And I can also tell you that a lot of the photographers there never sent us any photos, which could just be a coincidence. Could definitely be, or maybe not. So that is just to kind of say photographers, I cannot stress enough the importance of joining me on this exercise of working out your lgbtq plus posing skill muscle. It's really important to create that safety for couples who may not have the same experiences living in the world as, as straight couples have. Same thing as last week. I am unfortunately sitting just in front of a microphone, so I can't really like show you how to pose. But again, what I can do is give you some kind of broad, practical tips that you can bring into your own business and practices that you can then, you know, tailor to your own unique style. So I'd first like to start out with, if you have not yet photographed a queer couple, you need to, you really can't just like sit there and think. Once a queer couple inquires with you, or the opportunity presents itself that like, you'll just be ready and fine. It just, it doesn't work like that. Like you have to, you have to practice it. And it can also feel like if I, myself, as a queer person was scared the first time I photographed a queer couple like. I, I can guess that other people might feel that way too. Don't expect to just like, be fine when like someone reaches out to you, like take the time to practice and work that muscle. I will say like, please, please communicate that with a couple you're working with. just let them know that is your first time. You're wanting to try and learn new things just so that the couple is prepared and so that you know they can even decide if that's something that feels good and safe for them. Secondly, Listen up here, folks. Whatever you do, do not force each partner into a box or of fem or mask. No, no, no, no, no. That's not your job. That is not your role ever. Okay? Don't asse anything. Off of how they look. And I'd also like to quick insert here and, take this time to remind you to please ask for people's pronouns if you have not already done so, like on your contact form or elsewhere, like please just check in with them. Introduce yourself, use yours, ask for theirs. that's really important. But posing couples, queer couples is so, so much more than one of them being feminine, one of them being masculine. It's, it's about their love. Okay. And on that note, queer couples don't always fall into what we think about with any traditional stray couples or a man. The masculine ones taller and the feminine one is shorter, and they kind of displays him those traditional like characteristics and interactions. you know, what comes to mind is like the man always picks up the woman, et cetera, et cetera. But the beautiful thing about working with queer couples and, and not having any assptions is that it opens up the opportunity for you to have a conversation with them and build a relationship with them. Like instead of you showing up and being like, Well, this person has shorter hair and they're wearing like pants and not like a dress or anything. I'll, I'll kind of just asse that maybe they would be the, the one to pick up the other partner. Eh, false. You know, what they say about assptions. Okay. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna swear here, but you know what they say, ask them. I promise. It doesn't have to be like a whole ordeal. And it doesn't have to be weird. It can just, it could literally be like, Hey, so let's say like you two were like in the kitchen, you started like having kind of like a playful argent. Like which one of you two would be the, the one to like pick the other up? Of course, with assed permission. not assed, what am I saying? With permission to pick people up because not everybody likes to be picked up, but yeah, just ask them that. Or you can be like, Hey, let's have a dancing moment. I'll play some music and I want one of you to twirl the other, like whomever. It feels more natural for 'em. So there's certainly room too for it to like not always be a, a question, but the point is that like, it doesn't have to be weird. Like you can just ask them. What feels natural for you and like that's a really good way to not asse anything, to not force them into any boxes. And it's a win-win situation because you're asking the couple, and by doing that, you're getting to know them, which. it's gonna be so helpful, especially if you're like doing their engagement photos and their wedding. Like you're gonna learn so much about them and they're gonna feel a really seen that you're taking the time to get to know them and, and to not like, make any assptions. And, I, I kind of hinted at this in last week's episode. But this is really why I have switched to a sort of prompt, interaction based kind of model in my own business is because it really takes the assption out of a lot of things like. I'm not just standing there and being like, okay, this partner do this to this one, and that partner sits there and does this. Like, there's not necessarily anything wrong with that, but by doing this, like it really opens up the conversation and makes the space feel just like better and safer, I think. Because you're asking them, you're providing opportunities for the couple to say like, oh yeah, this is, this is what we normally do, or. Yeah, they do normally do that for me or I, I normally do that to them. so that's personally kind of why I've shifted the way that I interact with couples. And hopefully you as a, a photographer with your own business can kind of find ways to incorporate that as well. And last, but certainly not least, I would say in general, it's good to just add some more gender neutral poses into your back pocket. Just, just have them, they're ready. like something that comes to mind for example, is like for any couple, like having them walk together, that feels very neutral cuz they're just hanging out. They're just walking along the beach or whatever. Like there's no. There's no perceived gender roles or like, you have to do this, they have to do that. it just feels very like neutral. so kind of thinking along those lines to have some more poses like that in your back pocket. And there's some really cool resources out there. the unscripted posing app has actually a specific section, four LGBTQ plus couples. There's also blogs and pictures on Dancing with Her, which is a publication, and Pinterest too. I would say Pinterest is a little bit behind on the gay agenda, but you can still find some good ones on there occasionally. So, Familiarize yourself with some of those more neutral poses? I, yeah. I feel like there's not really like a great way to like describe that with words, but just something that does, I think you'll know when you see it. This just feels very. Neutral. and you could even take that into your styled shoot that you're gonna do, cuz I know you are cuz I know you wanna practice. So I know maybe that was a lot. you don't have to do it all at once. You don't have to shift your entire session model. Right now tomorrow. But I know we can do it. I know we can. And I know that it's just gonna make, like photographers, we are the business, like we are the ones running the business. We're the one who like sets the tone. We're the ones taking the pictures and like guiding our clients through this experience. Like in a lot of ways we are in charge of setting, of setting the tone. So I think, I think that there are so many ways that we can pose better. It is genuinely a sacred experience working with queer couples like this. So like let's provide that awesome experience for them. Like, let's not asse, let's figure out who they are and how they show up in the world. Like I just, it's gonna be beautiful. I promise. So clearly, beloved, thank you so much for tuning in this week and yeah, let's go make the world a better place today.