Ruth Hovsepian (00:01.519)
Welcome to another episode of Out of the Darkness with Ruth Hovsepian where we talk about faith and how it fits into our everyday lives. I'm your host, Ruth. And today we're talking about parenting with eternal perspective. And today's guest is Terri Hitt, an experienced mom of four who has raised her children across two generations, giving her a unique insight into parenting.
Terry, and this is wonderful and what a blessing, has been married to her high school sweetheart for almost 46 years and has navigated the challenges of raising both biological and adopted children. She has homeschooled, worked full -time outside the home and been a stay -at -home mom. And she is bringing today and sharing with us a wealth of experience.
and understanding in today's discussion. And Terry's journey marked by both profound loss and deep faith has equipped her to mentor other women in parenting with an eternal perspective. Terry, welcome to Out of the Darkness. It's such a pleasure to have you here today.
Terri Hitt (01:19.238)
Thank you. It is an honor to be here. Thank you very much.
Ruth Hovsepian (01:22.673)
So to start off our conversation, share with us how your experiences have shaped your understanding of what it means to parent with an eternal perspective. What does that mean to you?
Terri Hitt (01:37.746)
My goodness. As you were reading the bio, I sat here and I thought, praise God, because there are so many experiences that have brought me to this point, just as all of us have. I think probably the most obvious for me, as I share part of my testimony, is that my husband and I married right out of high school. I was 17 years old, and I had never even wanted to get married.
I never wanted to have children. So when you read my bio and you know, we've parented over two generations, it's God, it's a God thing. But I came from a very dysfunctional home and I had a, I mean, I know I was loved to the best my parents could have loved me. And so I don't want to speak badly of them, but my father was an alcoholic, yet I was a daddy's girl. For the times that he was home, he
the one who really showed the love. And my mother was a little distant. And so we really, we weren't a Christian family. I didn't come to know Christ until I was about 22. And it was because my husband, who was a Christian, but not really living the Christian life, shared about Jesus. And it blew my mind when he told me
Jesus. I knew there was Jesus and Jesus was God's son, but I didn't know what Jesus did for me. anyway, we had, I was pregnant when we got married and we had to have two children very quickly if we were going to have them. I had a lot of female problems and had a hysterectomy at 22. And so we thought once we raised our children, we were 39 and they were both out of high
that we would continue working and maybe retire one day and maybe travel and do those things. But God had way different plans. And by that point in our life, we were really following the Lord, very well growing, maturing. And it was the Lord who put a plant, he planted the desire for both of us that we had a daughter in China. And we didn't know anyone who had adopted from China.
Terri Hitt (04:02.918)
It's a true God story when you hear the details, but when we realized what God was doing and we started that path.
We decided, okay, we parented in our own strength pretty much the first time. We were good, but not godly parents. And what do we want to change? What do we want to do differently? And that is what started us down a whole new path.
Ruth Hovsepian (04:30.087)
Yeah, I loved what you said about we were good but not godly parents. And I never presume about how other people feel about parenting, but I'll tell you, my view of my parenting, I think I was a good parent. And now looking back, I was not a godly parent. And I have
And as you, I'm sure will say that your children are amazing adults. Mine are. I thank God every day in spite of me, in spite of my own weaknesses, my own struggles during their formative years. They are who they are because God is so amazing. And there was, there was generational prayer there.
But looking back, so there are two things I'd love to be able to cover because you, as you said, it's almost like two different parenting styles, if I understand correctly. And one is looking back, and many of us are in that situation. What advice do you give to parents who may not have
Terri Hitt (05:40.945)
Yes.
Ruth Hovsepian (05:56.549)
a child that is walking in the Lord or is, you know, struggling in life. And we know that, and I'm honest about this, it is our parenting. Yes, we all have the free will to make choices, but as parents, we are also, it is part of who we are and how God
created us to raise children in a certain way. Discipline them, show them the right way to make decisions, what is morally right and wrong. What does the Bible say about things and equip them for the life that we have? I know there is and I know it's so tough, but how do we...
Terri Hitt (06:45.764)
Mm -hmm. So much in that question.
Ruth Hovsepian (06:54.109)
How do we target those parents and how do we help them kind of work through that on their own now?
Terri Hitt (07:03.282)
Mm -hmm. Well, that's the key right there. We never want to work on it on our own, right? And my favorite verses in the Bible for parenting come from Deuteronomy 6, 6 and 7, where it talks about, you know, talk about me when you're by the road. it just, gives us clear instructions on, I like to say, inhaling God so that we can exhale Him.
Ruth Hovsepian (07:14.182)
Mm.
Terri Hitt (07:29.808)
Because if we don't inhale him in relationship through Christ, we can't exhale him onto our children. And I think that's part of the difference we had when we were parenting the first set versus the second a generation later. Because although I came to know and love and be a Christ follower when my children were small, know, life circumstances and choices we make play into the way our
grows or matures. And because we married so young, we were so poor, so poor. And there came a point where I had to go out to work and my children were six and three, almost six and three. And at that time we had been going to church, but I had not been discipled properly. We were hurt by the church. There were some things that happened
I, not knowing not to put people on pedestals, but to put Christ on pedestals, said, we can do this at home. We can have church at home. And yet when I began to work full time outside the home, that fell by the wayside pretty quickly. so everything that we were doing, we were two people who were Christians. We professed Jesus as our savior and we loved
But I can see so easily in hindsight how when we parented our children, it was more in self, not savior, because maybe they were struggling with their esteem, right? And I never say, or I try not to say self -esteem, because we want godly esteem in ourselves and our children. But when they struggle with that, may, I can remember table conversations where we would be
Ruth Hovsepian (09:19.335)
Yeah.
Terri Hitt (09:28.358)
God has given you so many talents, you're so gifted and you're so smart, believe in yourself and we would go that route instead of, you know, and I know we prayed with them, but it's so different now in that everything is rooted in Christ. And it's not like we sat around the house reading the Bible and the kids can't do anything because we just read the Bible and expound this into them, but it's more
you know, walking by the wayside when you lie down and when you get up, you know, it's every aspect of life is turned back to the Lord. And remember those little bracelets people used to wear, the WWJD, you know, and, it's that in real form in life. It's like when they have a problem, you know, instead of relying on self to get them out of that issue or whatever, or, you know, I know
Ruth Hovsepian (10:10.237)
Yeah. Yeah.
Terri Hitt (10:26.906)
you know, you can pray to God and he'll get it out. It's more, you know, getting to the heart of the matter and finding out what is causing what they're going through and maybe where that disconnect is in a belief system with Christ or something that has happened or it's really having that relationship that you build with them all along between you and your child and all of you with Christ and building.
their walk with Christ, not relying on yours.
Ruth Hovsepian (10:58.387)
How do we implement that when our children have aged? Especially teenagers, right? Because the formative years are kind of gone by. They're in their 20s, they're in their 30s. And you and I have older children, adults. So what do we do as parents with older children?
Terri Hitt (11:07.066)
That's a good question.
Ruth Hovsepian (11:28.275)
I was told by someone, oh, I lost the chance to minister to my children. And that broke my heart when I heard that because we never, they're still our children. You know, my oldest is 33 almost, and I never think of it as losing an opportunity until my last breath. I'm here. I'm a parent. I'm a mother. I love my children.
Terri Hitt (11:57.51)
Mm -hmm.
Ruth Hovsepian (11:58.283)
What, what can we do as parents with older children to help them in their
Terri Hitt (12:08.9)
I think, again, number one, we rely on Christ because He does the work within, right? We have the responsibility, a God -given responsibility when He entrusted them to us to lead them to Christ, but He does the work within. And so I know from experience with my first two that when that time comes, I
I know I thought my son was saved when he was a little boy, but he actually was saved when he was in his 20s, in his early 20s, I believe it was, maybe 1920ish. And then that began his long road of being discipled. And I know that my daughter, my oldest child, my daughter was saved as I think six -year -old, but she wasn't discipled properly by us because we weren't discipled properly. And
even though she was a believer, again, right? The discipling is so important. But when they grew up and into their twenties, that was when we realized the cracks in the parenting that we had done the first time. Because they couldn't just be at home with mom and dad and rely on our faith, right? They had to have their own legs to stand on, that own foundation. And I like to tell parents that, like I said before,
direct them to Christ, rely on him. We always have prayer. We need to utilize prayer and specific prayer and pray scriptural prayer, but also stand firm in your relationship with Christ. Because I know when my daughter went through some things, she passed at the age of 29 due to some long story short, she had a health condition and it caused a blood clot in her brain.
Ruth Hovsepian (13:48.244)
Amen.
Ruth Hovsepian (13:59.796)
Mmm.
Terri Hitt (14:02.546)
and it was in the left frontal lobe, which ironically is the area of your brain that affects the way that you respond and act and your inhibitions and different things. Yes. And she had a blood clot so big, it was the size of a thimble and it caused scarring. So even though she was on her medication, Coumadin and her seizure medication and everything, she died of a seizure due to
Ruth Hovsepian (14:13.713)
Right. Behavior. Yeah.
Terri Hitt (14:32.274)
extensive blood clot. before she passed at the age of 29, it was in her early 20s, she started doing some things that were not godly. And they, she knew that we didn't approve and it took her quite a while to share them with us. And we had to stand firm in the fact that we did not agree with the lifestyle she was pursuing, but that we loved her, that we would support her and love her in any way
we could that God, that was a godly way, but that we could not condone what she was doing just in the same way. mean, God sees every sin as sin. Each of us are sinners. And yet when someone's is out in the open and they're wanting approval, that's a different story. And so just as Jesus walked with sinners and ministered to sinners, each one of us, he always called them out of that sin. He
Ruth Hovsepian (15:13.277)
Yes.
Terri Hitt (15:30.844)
condone it and tell them to stay there and be comfy and I'll just accept it. So I do tell parents it's hard, but our first responsibility, our first duty is to Christ. But lovingly, we can be there for our children, pray them through things, let them know, I love you, but I can't back what you're doing.
Ruth Hovsepian (15:56.679)
Yeah. You know, I, I agree with you a hundred percent on, that. And to me, when I have parents ask me or question me about certain things, I say, we, our lives are the example to our children. If they see a change in your life, they will wonder what it is.
And prayer is my second, first of all, prayer for me is my go -to. And that is how I went through my recovery. That is how I healed from, you know, the past, my addiction. And that is how I journey through life today. Prayer is my go -to. It doesn't matter. It's, it's my first call. Let's just put it that way.
I know that as my children have grown, they have looked at the way I have reacted. have children in love. have comments from them and I'm not perfect and they know every detail. It's my story is not a secret. And yet there are comments that come out and that has solidified
what it is, they will know you by your fruits. This is the key. And as parents, we need to watch the way we speak, how we react to things. And I'm so glad that you said that you showed your children unconditional love, but they knew very well where you stood.
Terri Hitt (17:26.148)
Mm -hmm. Yes.
Terri Hitt (17:34.386)
Mm -hmm.
Ruth Hovsepian (17:49.179)
And I've had that with my children where they will say and have said in the past, I know what you're going to say. And then they tell, and you know, I'm very, I have to say, I am grateful that they felt that they could share with me and talk to me even under those circumstances. That is a God thing, I think, communication. And finally,
Terri Hitt (18:12.444)
Mm -hmm.
Ruth Hovsepian (18:17.627)
The one thing that you have said and it stands out to me, and this has been coming up in so many of my conversations lately, is discipleship. We are lacking discipleship in our churches, in our relationships, and in our families.
Terri Hitt (18:29.393)
Mm -hmm.
Terri Hitt (18:38.842)
Yes, and that is so important. know, again, as we sit here and talk, I don't want any listeners to think that I am this woman who has come on and now I think, these are the changes I made the second time, so now I'm the perfect parent because we are all imperfect. I have, yes, but I have grown so much and it's not me, it's the Lord and it's that seeking of relationship
Ruth Hovsepian (18:55.611)
We're human, we're imperfect, yes.
Ruth Hovsepian (19:02.653)
Yes. Amen.
Terri Hitt (19:06.532)
this second time around when I mentioned earlier the things that we thought we would change because I mean we had to look hard at first God's requirements for us and look you know at what we felt like we did on our own without Him and what we really relied on Him with and decide and pray how are we going to change
And so when I work with women now, that is one of the big things in the work that I do is my purpose parenting plan. And it doesn't mean your kids are going to be perfect, but it means you've got a plan to bring them to the Lord. goodness, I mean, I have daily Bible studies with the girls and I cannot even tell you the blessings that we have had through the years.
and being able to be there with a front seat and see the changes that God makes in their lives and the way that he directs thinking and actions. And I love what you said earlier about the way we act and react because I always tell people, if you want your children to have a good relationship with God, of course, you've got to have one to show them because you're the first Jesus your children will ever see, right? And when my children, one person,
Ruth Hovsepian (20:22.643)
100%. Yeah.
Terri Hitt (20:28.442)
I bring this up because one of my oldest daughter's friends asked me after she passed, you and Jamie were close. I remember when she was in high school, you were very close. What do you think fostered that? Because he was then a father of a very young daughter. And there's always many things you can say, but I said, think one of the things was that I always tried to show her joy in my eyes when she entered a room.
Ruth Hovsepian (20:36.536)
Mmm.
Terri Hitt (20:57.648)
because it is, like you said, the way we act, react, the way we, they see our desires. mean, goodness, our kids know us pretty well when they live with us. Just like our pets can, if our pets can know us, think about our children. You know, and so those things are so important and to always teach them love for Jesus and foster that walk to help them disciple it. And we benefit from the byproducts of that because when they obey,
Ruth Hovsepian (21:10.131)
100%. Yes.
Terri Hitt (21:27.026)
Christ. They obey us, right? So it's just a beautiful thing.
Ruth Hovsepian (21:34.021)
You know, I've always said I wish children came with their own, you know, manual. I have three and each one is so unique in their own way. they've taught me so much. It's just been an amazing thing. I would never trade being a parent for anything. And it's not been easy. people sometimes think
Terri Hitt (21:55.185)
Mm -hmm.
Ruth Hovsepian (22:02.757)
It was really easy raising my child. I'm a single parent have been since my, youngest was five months old. So it's, it, it was hard. It, there was that balance and I've always wondered what it is like to parent as a unit because I had to balance and my heart goes out to single parents, whether male or female, it doesn't matter the circumstances of the being a single parent.
Terri Hitt (22:11.088)
mm -hmm. Yes.
Ruth Hovsepian (22:32.367)
I'm not here, I'm not judging anyone on that. Everybody has their own journey on that. And, but what I found very difficult, I think one of the most difficult things for me was balancing, loving on my children, giving them love and disciplining them and being that parent. Because when you're two,
If things are working well, one takes one role, one does the other, or you help each other out, hopefully. But as a single parent, the lines are so blurred. They're so difficult. And it was a juggling act for me. And again, I say in spite of me, in spite of where I was in my walk, I was
Now I can say I've been blessed not to have the difficulties that I see with many parents that they've had to go through. I don't like to sugarcoat that we had everything was perfect, but I was there in different ways. And I think that's another key to parenting
not necessarily showering our children with monetary, you know, with just money, but you know, working and giving them everything they need, but also being there, physically being there. And when they need you, being there.
Terri Hitt (24:20.359)
And I like what you say about physically and then it brings me on to experiences from my life that then it's beyond that even still because it's like emotionally being there and mentally being there because yes, because my mother, I know she loved me, but she was emotionally distant. I remember times she would be sitting on the couch in the middle of the night lost in thoughts. And I know that she was going through a lot with my father and things.
Ruth Hovsepian (24:30.203)
Yes. Available to them, right? Yes, yes.
Terri Hitt (24:48.742)
I don't want to downplay what she went through, but a child needs you to be present in so many ways. you're right, financially present, although we have needs and such, that's at the bottom because spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally are so important.
Ruth Hovsepian (24:50.731)
Mmm.
Ruth Hovsepian (25:03.088)
Yeah.
Ruth Hovsepian (25:07.375)
It's it is a difficult thing and we you can't do it unless the Lord is part of that, right? Unless the two of you are circling around and have, you know, the Holy Spirit as part of that relationship. It's so difficult as it is that. You need the Lord to to help you through those difficult, difficult times. I know
My oldest daughter went full term pregnancy and she was a couple of days overdue and the baby was kicking, the baby was healthy. And she went for her checkup on the, you know, sort of the day she was due and all of that. And the doctor said, the baby's heart is strong. You are doing well. We're gonna knock you down on
you know, the list to bring, you know, start the, the, the birthing process. You'll go natural. Everything is fine. Days later, she, she lost the child. The baby died in her, you know, before giving birth. And that was a difficult time. Now I thank God every day that I was at a different place.
in my relationship with the Lord. Because I was there and the two of them walk with the Lord, they have a marriage based on their faith. And I said to them, and these were not things that came, that I came up with these, I had been praying from the moment that I found out that she had lost this child. I had been praying, Lord, give me the wisdom, the words.
to help them through this difficult time. And I said to them, I love you, but I need to give to you some words to help you through it. And you need to make a decision right now, whether you will let this break up your marriage, or will you allow this to bring you closer to each other and grow closer to each other?
Ruth Hovsepian (27:32.709)
And their marriage has been strengthened not because of me, but because of the choices that they made. And I have seen them say many times and heard them say many times, if we can go through losing a child because she had to give birth to that child, they mourned this child. If we can go through losing a child together. There is nothing that we can't do without the Lord. And.
My daughter -in -law, I love her to death. She's my third daughter. I'm blessed because of her. Said to me years, a couple of years later, she said, Ruth, I don't know how I would have dealt with this if it had been me.
Terri Hitt (28:25.254)
you when you share that story and first off I'm sorry because you had a loss there
Ruth Hovsepian (28:28.735)
Mm. Yeah. Just to say, just hold on to your thought. Just to say she acknowledged that without the faith that my daughter and my son -in -law have, she didn't know how she would deal with it. That is the key.
Terri Hitt (28:48.156)
Yes, you are so right. Amen. And it brings back thoughts of when we lost our oldest daughter. And my greatest fear had always been to lose a child. And there was a person, it was a person in the spotlight. He was a singer. They have no idea who I am. They lost a child about, it was in May of the year before. And at that time it hit me so hard.
Ruth Hovsepian (28:54.322)
Hmm.
Ruth Hovsepian (29:14.439)
Mm.
Terri Hitt (29:18.698)
And I thought it was because they had adopted from China and their baby, their daughter was from China. And by that time we had a little girl who was four from China, our baby, we had adopted. And I thought maybe that was why it hit me so hard. But I wrote them letters and gave prayers and scripture and things through it to minister to them because it was such a burden on my heart.
Fast forward to January of the next year, and that's when we lost our daughter. And I used those things I had written. God ministered to me through those. So he was preparing me in advance for my greatest fear. But it was in that time that I realized my greatest fear was really to lose the Lord. Because through him, I could do anything. He was my comforter and my carrier through all of
But I can never lose the Lord, Once Jesus, I mean, once you're His, you're His. And so He works in such beautiful, miraculous ways, just as He did to give you the words to minister when they were needed.
Ruth Hovsepian (30:29.125)
Yeah, he prepares us. I have come to that understanding that these things that we go through, whether we have a prodigal child, and I use that term very cautiously because I was a prodigal child and I hate labeling children. That's a whole other episode to talk about, Terry, but you know, whether we have
children that we pray on, whether it's because we go through some devastating loss, whether it's something that we have experienced. The question should not be why me, Lord, it's what are we doing with this, Lord? How am I going to use this difficult experience, this very heart wrenching, heartbreaking time in my life at a certain
And I think that we need to be prepared. We need to disciple our children. You know, there's so much to talk about. Parenting is ever, you know, it's emotion. It just keeps going. And I love that subject. It's a near and dear subject to me. you know, what do you leave our audience with today?
whether it's a verse or some advice to encourage them and to help that mama or dad that is struggling right now.
Terri Hitt (32:11.167)
Well, I want them to remember that they have, through Christ, purpose, power, and privilege to raise the children He entrusted to them. It's no coincidence that they have the children they have. Just like me having two bios and then now two adopted, God knew before He created any of us they would be mine. He has intentionally placed children with them. But I want mothers to remember that they can't
parent set apart kids unless they are a set apart woman themselves. And that means intentional, purposeful pursuit of Christ. And I have mothers who tell me, I'm so busy with my little ones. I don't have time to read the Bible. But that's a choice that we have to make. And I know we all have seasons, right? And so I would say to the person who feels that,
Ruth Hovsepian (33:01.233)
Yes.
Terri Hitt (33:06.922)
I hear you and I understand and I would say listen to the Bible in this season of your life. And when you're nursing your baby or you're rocking your baby or you're playing with your little one, you know, a toy truck on a car mat or whatever, they can hear the word and pray over them as you're nursing, pray over your child, pray out loud, let them hear you seek the Lord.
Let them hear the beautiful intensity in your voice and the love in your voice. there are so many little things, again, another conversation, but that we can do to start building that firm foundation at a very young age.
Ruth Hovsepian (33:51.079)
Thank you. That is such amazing advice. And I want to thank you for sharing your experiences with us and helping us understand what it means to raise children with it. And I love this with an eternal perspective. If you'd like to connect with Terry and learn more about her work, please check out the description for links to her website and her podcast.
Thank you for joining us today. And I'd like to remind you to subscribe to Out of the Darkness on your favorite podcast platform to never miss an episode. And you can stay up to date with other inspiring stories and discussions. Until next time, stay strong in your faith and keep seeking the light and sharing it with others.
