Today's topic has been inspired by lots of conversations I've been having lately, where I keep repeating how much the power of the words you speak impacts the life you manifest.
In this ep, you can expect to find out more about:
View this podcast transcript here
If you enjoyed this episode, please feel free to rate, review and subscribe.
Please note that this content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
Loved this episode and want to find out more about my 1:1 coaching support? Get in touch below:
Click here to book your free 30 minute mini session with me
instagram.com/gemwilsoncoaching
gemwilsoncoaching.com
To find out more about VALA, my award-winning natural energy gel business:
instagram.com/valaenergy
valaenergy.com
Today's topic has been inspired by lots of conversations I've been having lately, where I keep repeating how much the power of the words you speak impacts the life you manifest.
In this ep, you can expect to find out more about:
View this podcast transcript here
If you enjoyed this episode, please feel free to rate, review and subscribe.
Please note that this content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
Loved this episode and want to find out more about my 1:1 coaching support? Get in touch below:
Click here to book your free 30 minute mini session with me
instagram.com/gemwilsoncoaching
gemwilsoncoaching.com
To find out more about VALA, my award-winning natural energy gel business:
instagram.com/valaenergy
valaenergy.com
(00:01):
[INTRO]
Hi, and welcome to Grounding with Gem. I'm Gem Wilson and I'm a mindset coach and founder of VALA Energy. I'm so excited to help you uplevel your mindset, ground back into your body, and reconnect with nature to live your most fulfilling and expansive life. I truly believe that whatever you can see in your mind, you can manifest into your reality, and I can't wait to share my practical tips for life, love, and business with you. Thanks for joining me today, and let's jump right in.
(00:44)
Hi, and welcome back to another episode of Grounding with Gem. We are back for another week. I hope the last week has treated you well. I am loving the new daylight savings. Not to be a really stereotypical Brit and talk about the weather, but having that little bit more sunshine every day really does add more joy to my life. And I am so ready for the summer. I went to the beach on Sunday and started looking forward to some summer surfs and some summer adventures because I feel like this has been the longest winter ever. I swear that this time last year I was in a crop top and short painting the church doors, and now I am still sitting here in three layers, <laugh> and slipper socks and little vegan Ugg boots. So fingers crossed summer's on the way!
(01:38)
But anyway, today I really wanted to talk to you about something that has been coming up a lot lately in one-to-one conversations, in general conversations with people in my everyday life. So I felt really pulled to create a podcast episode around this because I really do believe that the words we speak do become the house you live in. And it's at times like this, when I do notice these patterns in conversation, that I have a fundamental understanding of the phrase, "What's personal is universal", that something that we often feel is very personal to us - maybe it's a mindset issue that keeps showing up - you are not alone. It's so common. It's something I see a lot through my work messages I receive on Instagram even and everyday conversations I have with friends and family. And it's always these conversations that end up inspiring the content I create because I think, "Hmm, if this is coming up a lot, then it must be something that's on a lot of people's minds and on a lot of people's hearts".
(02:46)
And so this phrase is something that I think about a lot when I catch myself using negative self-talk, even when I hear other people using language that I feel is not in alignment with who they really are and what they really desire in life. And when I started digging a little bit deeper into this phrase and doing some research, I found that it's actually a phrase that is attributed to a Hafiz who is a Persian poet that was born well over 600 years ago in what is now modern day Iran. And despite the differences in his culture, in the religion, and during the time that he lived, which is around the, you know, the 1300s, he is often described as one of the most beloved poets of our time, whose wisdom is said to help us to live happier, more fulfilled lives even today.
(03:45)
And I think, you know, that so often we hear about Rumi and even modern day Osho. So this was really lovely to find out where this quote came from and it's going to lead me down a rabbit hole I know of trying to find out more about Hafiz. So this one quote really resonated with me then, because it does sum up the impact of our words, which are often a direct reflection of our thoughts and our beliefs. Because the words that we choose to use in our day-to-day lives, they really do create our perceptions, they shape our perspectives and they help to create our external reality. And this is pretty basic manifestation and law of attraction that your thoughts create reality. What you think about you can manifest. And although you might be confident in one area of your life, you might find that this sneaky voice, these limited beliefs, this ego side pops up with the negative thoughts and talk in another area.
(04:49)
For example, you could be in a really loving, healthy, thriving relationship, but then you may feel like this sneaky saboteur comes up when you think about money or career. And I personally, I find often people's limiting beliefs and their inner fears come through the strongest and the loudest when it comes to money and wealth. Because how many of us grew up here in phrases like, "I'm not Rockefeller", "You can't just have whatever you want", "Money doesn't grow on trees", maybe "Money is dirty" - that's one I've heard people say before. Or, "Only greedy people want more than they have". And so as somebody that has these limiting beliefs programmed into them, but who desires more money and wealth, you go about your life experiencing duplicity around money.
(05:40)
So you know, if you're in this cycle of "I'm so broke, I can't spend anymore, this is as good as it gets, money is running out" and that's all you are saying to yourself, these are the words you are speaking to yourself. How then do you expect to manifest more abundance, manifest more wealth? Because these two things they don't align. And the same goals for love. If you walk around saying "All men are cheaters and liars", but deep down you dream of having a loving relationship, how is that helping you to get closer to your manifestations? Does that make sense? And I've got to the point where I will literally call people out <laugh> in everyday conversations if they're using words that are perpetuating this lack or negative mindset. And I will say, "Hey, you don't have to speak like that. You can reframe it". So rather than say in something like, "I'm not going on anymore holidays because I'm broke now and I've spent all my money", how about you say, "I'm taking some time off. I'm gonna spend some time at home, create some more abundance and look forward to planning my next holiday".
(06:52)
And another example of this, if we want to apply it to love, is instead of saying "All the good men or women are taken", how about we reframe it to "The perfect person is out there and they're looking for me too. I trust they're on the way to me. I trust that I can have a safe and loving, thriving relationship". And it's all about being the loving observer of your thoughts. And when you recognise one of these limiting beliefs, one of these low vibrational thoughts or this negative self-talk coming up, choose again and shift your energy back to this place of "I know I am worthy. I know I can do it. I know I am the exception to the rule".
(07:35)
And I love to repeat this to myself when if something's going really well in my businesses and that little sneaky side comes up, I will say, "This is all working out for me. This is going to get even better than this. As the famous phrase always goes, "The better it gets, the better it gets" or "This or something better". I have had to retrain my brain not to think that when something good happens, it's going to be taken away or this is the best it gets. And now if I say "I am the exception to the rule, it's only getting better from here", that really helps me to shift back to that place of trust. And doing this is what will help you to claim back your power when you feel like you're giving into lack or fear or programming that doesn't align to the future you desire to create and the reality you want to manifest.
(08:32)
And even in my own relationships, I have strong boundaries around language that I am available to use and that I would rather not have used in my presence <laugh>. Because words do hold so much power for me and I can't bear the word 'sacrifice' because to me that word feels so heavy and so dense and it makes me feel as though someone is suffering for the benefit of someone else. Like someone has to win and that other person has to lose. So instead of using 'sacrifice', I much prefer 'compromise' because for me, 'compromise', it feels like balance. It feels like both people are getting what they want, they're getting their needs met in a way that's respectful to them and the other person. And even in my day-to-day life, I'm very selective about my own internal and external dialogue as well. Because how many of us are guilty of over apologising?
(09:29)
This is something that comes up a lot with clients. And a lot of the time I find it does go back to childhood of feeling like you expressed your needs and then maybe you were reprimanded for it. Maybe you were told, "Don't be so stupid. You know, don't go after your dreams, you can't do this, don't do that". And so you end up becoming this people pleasing, over apologizing shell of yourself. And nobody wants to live like that. Nobody wants to constantly be leaking energy by over apologising. And a really simple everyday example of this is think about when you go to the supermarket and maybe you're trying to squeeze past someone with your basket or your trolley and how you apologise for trying to get past and you're constantly saying, "I'm sorry, sorry, can I squeeze past? Oh sorry, thank you". And instead you could literally just say, "Hi, excuse me, please. Can I get past?". And this is something I actually picked up from visiting America a lot when I used to go and visit Dann when he lived in LA.
(10:41)
And I love the way Americans really confidently ask for what they want and they make it seem really effortless as well. They're just like, "Hi, excuse me, excuse me, ma'am. <laugh>, the ma'am always makes me giggle". Or even another example of this is turning up to a meeting a few minutes late and you start on this really wobbly energy of over apologising, then the other person has to say, "No, no it's fine". And sort of talk you back down. When if you went in feeling confident and powerful and you own it and you say, "Hey, thank you so much for waiting for me patiently, I really appreciate that and I'm gonna make sure I'm early next time". Can you see how it's all about the energy and the intent you put behind this situation rather than constantly living in this place of overcompensating and over apologising?
(11:36)
And something I say a lot is that you don't need to apologise for taking up space in the world. You are worthy as you are. You can show up as you are. And once you start to really reclaim your power and you feel more safe and confident in your own skin, this work, it does become easier. And it only takes a couple of times practicing it to see the outcome and to see even how this shifts other people's energy towards you. And a word I have tried to completely eliminate from my vocabulary 'just' because this word gives me the absolute ick <laugh>, it's such a non-event of a word that always comes across as really over apologetic or apathetic. And I feel like it has no place in what I am trying to manifest in the world. For example, saying I just want to meet someone I can share my life with, or I just wanna make enough money.
(12:34)
It sounds really uneventful to me and it's like a filler word that I just can't stand. So yes, 'sorry,' and 'just' are my big no-nos, but maybe you have your own? I'd really encourage you to think what words don't feel right when they say in them or what words do I say out of habit because I'm so used to living in this mindset? And if you find yourself constantly filling your sentences with these words, maybe take some time to count how many times a day you use them, this is a great way to start bringing awareness to them so you can start to reduce the frequency of them in your speech. And you may be using them unconsciously and they're just rolling off your tongue. Whereas when you start to take time and observe, you'll really begin to acknowledge just how much you overuse these kind of words.
(13:34)
By the way, I do apologise if there's intermittent banging throughout the recording of this podcast because we have builders doing our renovation upstairs and I try to stop as soon as I hear it, but sometimes I'm mid-flow so I just go with it. But anyway, back to today's topic. So something I hear a lot is people saying, "I don't want to be in debt or I don't want to be alone forever or insert whatever you don't want after the break". But something a lot of people don't realise is that our subconscious mind, it doesn't actually understand negatives. It interprets everything you think as a positive thought, which is something that absolutely blew my mind. And it's a concept that actually comes from NLP or neurolinguistic programming.
(14:26)
So a perfect example of this is if I say to you, "Don't think of a black cat, whatever you do, don't think of a black cat", what does your brain do? It doesn't think of a black freaking cat because I've just given you that suggestion and told your mind to think of a black cat. So then the key with using your subconscious mind to get what you want is to go straight to what you want to think and to do it in an affirmative manner. So really focus on what you want rather than what you don't want. So if you think "I don't want to be poor", your unconscious mind focuses on the poor. And because it doesn't do negatives, because it interprets everything you think as a positive thought, the thought then becomes, "I want to be poor". So what happens is being poor becomes the goal of your subconscious mind and you've given it this instruction. So it's going to help you to find things in your life to help you behave in a way that will keep you poor, whether that's through the experiences, whether that's through your thoughts, whatever it is.
(15:40)
We do not want to be speaking in negatives, we only want to speak in affirmatives. And that's why stating your goals in the positive is really, really important when it comes to mindset work and the words you speak. So in this instance, instead of thinking, "I don't want to be poor", you can say, "I want to be wealthy". And even if this feels like too much of a stretch for you, you can always put something like, "I choose to believe that I can be wealthy" in front. So really soften in that sentence in a way that feels more relatable and to help it really permeate within your subconscious mind. And something I really like to imagine is that the subconscious mind, it's the gatekeeper of your comfort zone.
(16:28)
Every time you want to try something new, step out of your comfort zone, that subconscious mind with its programmed limiting beliefs is going to step in and start to give you a list of times when it didn't work, a list of examples of why you shouldn't try this. And this is called confirmation bias, right? Our brain is going to look for things to confirm our beliefs and our thoughts. And when it comes to NLP, your conscious is the part of your brain that has the awareness of things around you and within you at any moment in time. So think of your short-term memory where you can hold thoughts for maybe minutes or hours, and this is the part of your brain you're using when someone tells you an email address at a networking event, for example, and you can remember it long enough to go home and write it down, whilst you're sending the email to them. And the rest then is your subconscious mind or your unconscious mind. People tend to use these terms interchangeably.
(17:34)
And the conscious mind can be compared to the tip of the iceberg and the unconscious then is like the other 90%, which is submerged underwater. So we only really have awareness of 10% of our mind. The rest of it is programmed in like computer coding, I like to say to people. It's just running background tasks all the time. So the goal here is really to have your conscious and your unconscious mind working together as one. So instead of telling yourself things like, "I'm rich, I'm wealthy", when deep down in your subconscious all you can think about is the fact that you grew up with lack, with debt, with poverty, and you really don't feel worthy of being wealthy, of having the abundant life that's on your vision board, you are keeping your mind at odds with itself. And this will make you struggle to see the changes you really desire in your reality. That is why doing this unconscious mind work is so, so important.
(18:36)
And it's for me, one of the most important parts of the program that I do with my clients because we do go back to childhood. We do NLP exercises where we will re-imprint these beliefs from the people that gave them. And we'll also go back and look into how your primary caregivers spoke to you. What did their words mean? How did they affect your life? How are you still being affected by them? And how are they stopping you from achieving what it is you really desire deep down? And something that I really wanted to speak about as well today was using the word 'need'. So not only is this a clingy AF energy to be attaching into something, you know, like if you're applying for a job and you say, "I need this job because then I can get a better house", or "I need this state to work out because I don't want to be single anymore". It really puts your body into a place where you think you need something for your survival.
(19:38)
So think back to the times when needing something was literally life or death, something like needing food, water, or shelter. And so many of us know by now that we still hold on to a lot of old ancestral ways, tribal ways, and something within us, when we use the word need, it puts us into this state of panic which only repels your desires even further. So something I'd encourage you to do instead of say in need is to say, "Wouldn't it be nice to have...?" or "I would love to have..." because that sounds way more light and way more free. And just these small little tweaks to your day-to-day vocabulary will really help you to raise your vibration as well and to become more of an energetic match to what you are calling in.
(20:32)
But really, in order to direct your unconscious mind, you need to open up the communication channels between the conscious and the unconscious. And this is something I mentioned I do with clients because it's so important to see how what you were told as a child up until the age of seven, when your Theta wavelengths are absorbing everything around you, how this is still affecting you now. So maybe you take some time to journal on what it is that you're fearful of or why you feel like you're not worthy of something or why you keep saying that you don't want to be in debt. What does this mean to you? And another way you can do this is to also take time to sit in stillness, maybe meditate or relax. I love to do this. I actually posted something on my stories this week about whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed or over stimulated - because I have such a grasshopper brain and I work really quickly, but then I get tired quickly - and I need lots of breaks and time to decompress and switch off and be still because I'm a very creative person.
(21:47)
And for me, my creativity I always think of as being channeled from source. And when I'm constantly busy with a busy mind, everything feels like a slog. I feel like Sisyphus trying to push the ball up the hill. But when I allow myself to be free and to rest, then so many ideas come through. When I went to Australia for three weeks last year, the last week I was there in Sydney. I actually had a few days off because my boyfriend was working in sessions with other musicians and I just was sat on the sofa, I was going for walks and I felt so inspired to even create this podcast. I had the idea for the name of this podcast when I was walking down the street in Sydney and I thought, "Hey, that's actually really good".
(22:35)
And it sums up everything I love because for me, grounding is not only about grounding physically in with the earth, it's about grounding back into your body, feeling safe in your body when you're activated. It's about grounding back through the foods we eat. And I would never have had that idea if I was just busying myself the whole day and cluttering my mind and not allowing myself to be the open channel, not allowing my unconscious mind to have receptive thoughts. So maybe that's your key takeaway from today, it's to even give yourself 10 minutes a day to lie down with a a blanket and a crystal. And actually, I was speaking to a friend the other day and she was saying she hasn't worked with her crystals much lately - it's finding the time to work with them. And I think that's something that holds a lot of us back, is thinking that, "Oh, if I want to do something I love for my mindset, or if I want to take some time to embrace my spirituality, I have to carve this time after my calendar once a week or twice a week at the same time".
(23:48)
But that's not the reality. The reality is that sometimes if you're called to do something, you can do it in the moment. If we put off until the future things we wanna do now, they never get done because we find something else to busy our time with. I am so guilty of that. I will say, "Oh, I'll take a lunch break around 2", and then before I know it, I've packed some orders or I've redesigned some things on Canva, and then I lock up and it's 5pm and it's time to cook dinner. Whereas I feel frazzled at the end of the day then. So if I just took that 10 minutes like I did yesterday and laid down, I'd feel so much better and so much more rejuvenated.
(24:32)
And I've definitely heard before that something like 20 minutes of meditation is equivalent to hours of sleep because of the benefits it has on our mind. I'm going to find the exact statistics for that and I will share it on my Instagram, on my Gem Wilson coaching Instagram. So aside from becoming really intentional with your time, you really do want to become intentional and aware of how you speak. Maybe you can implement this practice of stillness and space to take a little bit longer to choose your words before speaking them out loud. Maybe if you're someone that speaks quickly and offhandedly and then sometimes ends up questioning what they said or feeling, "Hmm, I shouldn't have said that", or "I wish I'd reworded that". For example, if you're saying, "Yeah, I'm broke", then how can you pause, take a deep breath and choose another word? So maybe you can say, "I don't have the amount I want right now, but I'm working towards my goal" and choose a word or a phrase that's more aligned with this vision of what you really want in your life.
(25:44)
It's honestly these small tweaks in your day-to-day life that will really compound to make huge transformational shifts when you look back. And another one of my phrases, because I swear most people I know probably think I speak in riddles because my brain is a sponge for phrases and quotes <laugh>. But one of my favorites is "Repetition is the mother of habit". Because after all, our habits are similar to our beliefs, they all started with an idea that became an opinion. And then we sought out enough confirmation bias, as I mentioned earlier, to solidify it as a belief and a habit. But it is never too late to create new beliefs or new habits.
(26:29)
And I am a perfect example of that. I am someone at the age of 23, had my first office job after studying and then working as a waitress for most of my life. And I can remember thinking "I absolutely loathe this. I cannot imagine doing this for the rest of my life", even in the first week. And I remember my mum saying, "Well, this is just how it is. This is life. Like you can't just always do what you want". And I remember thinking, "Yeah, I bloody can do what I want" <laugh>. And because I lived in London and I would come back home to see my family, I remember going to the beach. My mum would always take me down Aberafan beach before I would get the train back, and I would be there and I would honestly feel like clinging <laugh> to the railings and not going back sometimes. Because I can remember dreaming about being able to go to the beach every day, to work from an area that I really enjoyed.
(27:26)
Because I enjoyed living in London, but I was finding it increasingly difficult to thrive in. My interests had changed. I was no longer interested in partying and going out, and I actually really did want a slower lifestyle even at the age of 25. And I was at odds with myself because my entire career was based in London. The the agencies, the big brands I worked for, they were all there. So I was sort of sucking it up. And I can remember listening to a podcast one day with someone that was a life coach and hearing how her day was and hearing that she made so much money a month doing something she absolutely loved. And I was honestly so triggered by it. I remember thinking, "No, this is too good to be true. And how is she doing this? There must be a secret to it"<laugh>.
(28:24)
And now I look back and I laugh because I can see how that was my brain trying to reassure me that, "No, it's fine, you're doing what you're doing". Whereas I was trying to step out of my comfort zone. I was trying to make new beliefs, but I was actually getting pulled back to my old beliefs. And it was only when I really got to work with unpicking my own beliefs around why I didn't feel worthy to lead a life that I really wanted to wake up to every day to be paid to do something that I loved, that felt easy and free, that really added value to people's lives and changed people's lives for the better. That really did change my life. And then instead of using my words to judge these people or to speak negatively about them, in order to make myself feel better, I really shifted my mindset to "How can I be inspired by this person? How can I look at their path to success? What can I learn from them?".
(29:26)
And I'd really encourage you to do the same. I'm not saying it's going to be an overnight process. I mean, I started this at 25, 26, and then I started therapy at 29. I worked at my own coach when I was around 31, 32. And it's definitely been a process. But that is what I love about now being a coach and a mentor - that I can distill my years of trial and error down into one session with someone so that they don't have to go through it. And it really makes me realise that it was all part of my journey and it was all part of my purpose. So if you're someone that's in this place of feeling like "It will never be me, it will never change, this is as good as it gets right now", I'd really encourage you to do the same. Find someone you really admire and look up to and ask "What can I learn from them?".
(30:21)
And at the core of it all, it's that if you want to make long-lasting, impactful changes in your life, then it all begins with the way you speak to yourself and the words you use. When Hafiz said, "The words we speak become the house we live in", what he was really saying was that the words we use every day, they create this sort of emotional home for us to live in. And our words, they really do create our reality. They help us to make sense of the world around us, to communicate our needs, our goals, whatever you really desire deep down. And so if you're someone who chooses to speak to themselves lovingly with grace and kindness, then that will be reflected in your external reality and your everyday experience of yourself. Whereas if you're someone that's very hard on yourself, maybe you're very self-critical of how you are, how you look, or you feel like you'll never accomplish anything you desire, this house that you live within, it's going to feel more harsh, more cynical, and more negative.
(31:32)
And as a result, that's the reality that will show up in your day-to-day life. And so the goal then for each of us is to patiently and gradually and lovingly change and adapt the words that we use in our day-to-day lives so that this house that we're building for ourselves, it feels more aligned to who we are as individuals and it really reflects the wishes, the dreams, the desires, and the goals that we have. And you only need to make one small tweak every day or take one small step towards implementing change to look back and see just how much your life has changed through these intentions. Maybe this week you can commit to listening to a powerful affirmation playlist or maybe a subliminal playlist while you're getting ready in the morning. Or maybe you could read a few pages of a new mindset book before bed or even find three limiting beliefs to rewrite and create your own affirmations from that you can stick somewhere that you will look at every day, multiple times a day, and truly feel those emotions in your body when you read those affirmations. Because all of these daily changes, they will seep into your subconscious, into that 90% of your brain to help you to see and experience things differently.
(33:00)
Now that brings me to the end of today's episode. I hope you enjoyed. Every time I think "This will be a quick 20 minute episode", <laugh>, and it's always way over 30 minutes, so I would love to hear what you think. As always, if you follow me on my coaching Instagram @gemwilsoncoaching, you'll notice that I've been running a gifting back offer with limited spaces. So if you're interested in diving deeper into your limited beliefs, into rewiring your subconscious brain to become that person you desire to be, to become that magnet to your dreams and your goals, and to finally live the life that you know you're worthy of, deep down, please message me to find out more. It's actually supposed to end on the 31st of March, but as this podcast is coming out at the end of March, I'm going to extend it for a week extra until the 7th of April for my podcast listeners. So it's a 12 week program. It's my signature program called Self-Love Sanctuary. And as part of the program, you get a weekly one hour call with me. You get support with me via email, via Voxer. You also get access to my meditation library as well as weekly exercises to go away and implement. So like I mentioned, you'll get a reading list, you'll get subliminals, you'll get journal prompts and NLP exercises to take away to really integrate and embody what we have worked on during this session. So it's truly transformational, it's life-changing. The results have been incredible. Please go onto my Instagram and look at client feedback - "Client Love", I think I've called it.
(34:44)
And if you're ready for your own transformation, please, please message me to save your space because this is the only time I'll actually be offering it at a 50% discounted rate. So instead of it being £1,999 for the 12 weeks, it's actually £999. And this is my way of giving back to the community and feeling like I can really help those who need it the most and make this an accessible program to those who feel like they can really benefit from it. So like I said, if you're interested, drop me an Instagram message and we can arrange a chat.
(35:20)
And with that said, have an amazing weekend and a great week ahead. I'm actually off to Glastonbury this weekend, so I'm sure I'll be sharing all about that. The last time I went to Glastonbury, my sister had her hair patted by a wizard, so I'm sure we'll get after some adventures this time, <laugh>. Anyway, I'll catch you soon. Have a great week. Bye.
(35:42)
[OUTRO]
Thank you so much for and play on today's episode. If you enjoyed, I would be very grateful if you could subscribe, download, and leave a review wherever you listen to your podcasts. Have a great week and I'll catch you next time. Until then, join me over on Instagram @gemwilsoncoaching and @valaenergy.