Unedited transcript
Sheri Miter (00:00:00) - Work life balance, can you really achieve it? You know, I realize I've spent a lot of time recently sharing my career transition story about leaving my network marketing career, despite my success, to start my own professional coaching business. And I haven't really shared a lot about why I chose the network marketing business to begin with. And I've been thinking about it a lot recently because one, I started my network marketing business in July of 1995, and I'm recording this on July 2nd, 2024. So it's my anniversary month and also the company I was in. And technically I'm still a consultant, but where I was a director for 25 plus years just wrapped up the year end. June was always this exciting month and somewhat stressful month as a leader where we were chasing down big goals. And, you know, I was watching my friends that I still have in the company, you know, striving on June 30th to still run past the finish line and hit their goals. And some did and some didn't. And I remember those years that sometimes I hit my goals and sometimes I didn't.
Sheri Miter (00:01:11) - And I met that to an extent. I kind of thrived on that June rush at the end, and June was a month that was definitely career focused. Like my kids, my husband, my family do like we don't schedule anything else in June. It is moms like Hustle and Grind Month. So there was not a lot of balance in June. But you know what? That was okay, because in today's episode we're going to talk about that and answer that question. Can you really achieve work life balance? And my answer just might surprise you. And I'll share in a minute why I was okay, that it was a hustle and grind month, even though I did feel like I had work life harmony, not balance. Welcome to the Discovering Your Calling podcast. I'm your host, Sherri Miter. I'm here to help you unleash your strengths and get clarity on your calling. I believe when you find your purpose in life, fulfillment, joy, and success will follow. If you're ready, pop in those earbuds, hit that follow button and join me on this journey toward discovering your calling.
Sheri Miter (00:02:27) - So as I was hearing 29 years ago, I joined Mary Kay. It's so secret. That's the company that I was with. If you've listened to any of my episodes, you've heard me talk about the Pink Cadillac. So it's no secret what company it is. And you know what? I'm proud of that. And actually, even though I'm no longer a leader in that company, I still use all the products. And I even still have a handful of customers that order on my website. And hey, side note if you ever are looking for some fabulous skincare and makeup products and you don't have a consultant, I have my websites. Mary kay.com backslash S minor cemetery.com. But anyway, I digress. And you know, I joined Mary Kay for a few different reasons, but the number one reason was that I was searching for that work life balance. And I had a feeling if you click this podcast episode, you might be searching for that too. And you're wondering, can it even be achieved? And you know, I was actively searching for a career 29 years ago where I could keep my family number one, especially having a husband who worked, you know, he was a professional firefighter.
Sheri Miter (00:03:39) - He worked a crazy shift to work schedule. He also was very active in the military and the Air National Guard, and I knew I wanted to be a stable and reliable part of our boys lives. We have three boys and they were little at this time. My youngest was still three years old at home with me, but I also knew as a high achiever that I needed something of my own, something where I was responsible for growing it because my husband, I had another business at this time, but it relied on him and I wanted something that was just mine. I wanted my own money. And, you know, we have always had a shared account, but there's something about making your own money. And I also wanted my own goals to set. I missed having goals and setting goals and achieving goals And quite frankly, in 1995, there were not a lot of options to find all of this. And for most women, network marketing was what we did. It was one of the few options where you could have that that harmony, that balance.
Sheri Miter (00:04:47) - And so that's why I did it. And, you know, women listening today, like you guys are so fortunate to have the internet. I mean, I sound so like a dinosaur, but, you know, we didn't have the internet just 29 years ago. It's crazy. But today you can really create anything you want and have a global company and work from home. We didn't have those options back then. So that's what I did. And you know what? I'm glad I did, because my years and Mary Kay gave me professional and personal growth that I needed, and a lot that I didn't even know I needed. It created some fantastic mentors that I got to follow, including Mary Kay Ash herself. She was still alive when I first joined the company, and I got to hear her, you know, in person speak, which she was amazing. If you've never read Mary Kay Ash's autobiography, I highly recommend it. Great story. Mary Kay connected me with like minded, amazing women who many are still my friends today, even though I'm no longer in that circle.
Sheri Miter (00:05:59) - And it gave me success beyond my wildest imagination. When I joined, I literally just wanted $50 extra a week when I joined, but it ended up giving us income for private schools, vacations, a bigger house, and those life luxuries that we would not have had without my income. And it also gave me many surprises. Surprises like strengthening my faith because of the mentors I was able to surround myself by. It allowed me to drive that gorgeous pink Cadillac and ten other free cars throughout my career, and it helped me learn about Cliftonstrengths, which led me to my career today. But most importantly, doing that career gave me the opportunity to create what I called work life harmony. And it's the thing that I'm most proud of from my career, and it's still what I work to maintain today. Now. Was it easy or is it easy? No, not at all. And it was never perfect. But I feel like I did a pretty good job of having harmony in my life, and I still think we do a pretty good job of having harmony in our lives.
Sheri Miter (00:07:06) - Today, my husband and I and I say harmony because I don't think balance is what we should aim for at all. And I'll explain why I say that in just a few minutes. But before I jump into all the thoughts I have on Work-Life Harmony, I wanted to hear today what my buddy chat had to say. So I logged into Google and my new what I call my new copyright staff member, ChatGPT, who I rely on occasionally for some inspiration. I asked him what is work life balance and can you really achieve it? And I wanted to share with you what he said, chat my buddy and then I'm going to give you my thoughts afterwards. So here's what he said about. So again this is ChatGPT said about work life balance. He said it refers to an equilibrium between professional work and personal life, ensuring that neither domain overtakes the other. It's about managing your professional responsibilities alongside your personal needs and activities such as family time, hobbies, rest, and self-care. Now, I don't know about you, but I read that I'm like, bull crap like that is impossible.
Sheri Miter (00:08:25) - We can't have that. Like that's an impossibility to try to live up to. It exhausts me just to read that. But he did have some good information I like. And he went on to say, so the key aspects of work life balance one is time management, allocating time effectively to work and personal activities. Number two, prioritization, focusing on what's important and urgent in both work and personal life. Number three boundaries setting clear boundaries to prevent work from encroaching on personal personal time, and vice versa. Number four flexibility having the ability to adjust schedules and responsibilities as needed. And number five support systems levy leveraging support from family, friends and colleagues. Now that all sounds so simple, doesn't it? And maybe you're thinking like, yeah, right. How do I even do that? And don't you worry because I'm going to share my take and how I did it, raising three boys and building a career on all five of those things. He's kind of on track, but not quite. After all we're talking about, I hear.
Sheri Miter (00:09:31) - So this was, though he did say, the challenges in achieving work life balance, as if you need to know these. Right. So work demands high demand, high job demands and long hours can make it difficult to find time for personal activities. I'm sorry. I'm sure you did not need me to tell you that, right? Technology can be a challenge. The constant connectivity through emails and smartphones. Smartphones can blur the lines between work and personal life. Definitely. Do you remember? And this is for people my age, which I'm about to turn 58. Do you remember when at home computers and phones first became a thing and we all had this image that, oh my gosh, that's going to free up our time. So much is going to allow us to work less. And all it's done is made us work more. Because it is. The lines are blurred between when you're at home and when you're at work. So anyway, back to what chat said. So the other challenge he listed was personal expectations.
Sheri Miter (00:10:35) - He says personal ambitions and goals can sometimes lead to over commitment and burnout. More on that in a minute. And then life changes. Major life events, such as having children moving or career changes can disrupt the balance. No kidding. Chat? No kidding. And then when I asked, is it achievable? This is what he had to say achieving a perfect work life balance might be challenging and may not be a constant state. However, it is possible to maintain a satisfying balance through continuous adjustments and prioritization. It often requires setting realistic expectations and being flexible to adapt to changes in both personal and professional life. Instead of aiming for perfection striving for balance that works for you at different stages of your life is more practical and sustainable. Okay, chat, I think you got that one. Good. All right. So I want to share now. So we had the AI version of what is work life balance and is it achievable. And like I said, I think he kind of nailed that last piece.
Sheri Miter (00:11:41) - Not so much on the rest of it. And I wanted to share my thoughts on this. So coming from my experience as a work from home before it was fashionable to be a work from home mom, I raised three boys. My husband worked a crazy schedule, often traveling with the Guard Air National Guard base. So sometimes I felt like a single mom working and I built a really strong business, so I feel like I'm kind of validated or have the expertise to share here a little more than maybe chat did. So here's my thoughts. And as I mentioned earlier, I think searching for work life balance should not even be the goal. What we need to be looking for is work life harmony. You see, balance is all things equal, That equilibrium that chap mentioned. And that rarely happens, if ever. I mean, what's that supposed to even look like? Is it supposed to be 50% of your work, of your time at work, and 50% of your time with your family? Or is it 33% of your time at work, 33% of your time with your family, 33% of time working on your well-being? And then where does faith, family or faith and friends and hobbies? Where do they fit in? So it's not possible to have a balance.
Sheri Miter (00:13:05) - You know, if you think of that scale and balance and equal, that's it's impossible to even try to create that. So I think we need to quit trying to have that and think of harmony. And remember I said that June was like this busy, crazy month of chasing goal. So June for me was 90% work focused and 10% family focused. Those years that I was in Mary Kay and a leader and but that was okay. And my family was okay with that because we all knew when July 1st rolled around, that number got flipped. And for the next three, maybe even four weeks, it was 90% about my family. With a little work sprinkled in. To me, that's work life harmony. Now, according to Merriam-Webster, the definition of harmony. There's three definitions I wanted to share with you. One is pleasing arrangement of parts or congruence. Another one was eternal tranquility. And then the third definition was an interweaving of different accounts into a single narrative. Now think about that congruence, tranquility, a single narrative.
Sheri Miter (00:14:19) - Isn't that what we're really after anyway? And can it be achieved? Keep listening to my thoughts and I'll give you the answer to that. So I want to go back to what Chad said and add my real life as a boy. Mom times three thoughts to what? To what he shared. So going back to those key aspects of work, life, harmony and how to achieve them. We're going to break it down a little more in detail and how you can take this and make them actionable steps that you can take. So time management and prioritization were the first two. And I lump those into one because to me they're one and the same because one without the other doesn't work. And if you recall, chat said focusing on what's important and urgent in both work and personal life and that, to me, just seems impossible. And I say, focus on what's your priority right now in this minute. And I mean, like, do you have to set a timer and focus on what you need to do right now in this time frame? If you're at work, then work.
Sheri Miter (00:15:32) - If you're at home, then be at home. Quit being distracted by social media, Netflix, or tasks you don't even need to do. And we're going to talk about that one in a minute. And which ties into time management. I love the full focus planner. It helps me focus on just my three daily priorities, because I can't do ten things and neither can you. So when we're trying to prioritize ten different things on our list, that's where stress and anxiety are built in. But can you do can you prioritize three things today? Maybe it's three things for work today. If you've got big deadlines to meet, maybe it's three things at home. If maybe somebody at home really needs you right now, maybe it's two and 1 or 1 and two. You prioritize your schedule and what you really need is to be checked off. Then time block it. Time block those priorities into your day. And when that time rolls around to work on that project, then you put your phone on mute.
Sheri Miter (00:16:33) - You don't have messages and emails blinking on your computer, and I like to set a timer even and give myself 45 minutes or an hour or two hours max to work on one project. And then when that timer goes off, unless it's truly something I have to keep working on, I step away from it for a while and take a break. So can you prioritize and time manage your time better? Tighten it up, let go of some things. And again we're going to talk about that in a minute. You know. And are you putting too much on your calendar. Are you expecting too much of yourself. You're human. You can't do it all. And again we're going to get to that in a minute. So time management prioritization. Make sure you're using a system that helps you just focus on right now and quit. Like I said what do you need to do to quit being distracted by those things that are not important? And our priorities number three boundaries. And Chad had said setting clear boundaries to prevent work from encroaching on your personal time and vice versa.
Sheri Miter (00:17:35) - And what I would like to do is just take that a step further and and ask you who or what are you letting encroach on your time? And here's the hard truth, ladies. Somebody needs to hear this right now. And don't hate me. Don't hate me for this one. But sometimes you're the one letting someone or something encroach on your time. And we might blame her boss. We might blame her coworkers. We might blame her husband on our kids. But it's up to us to learn to say no. And do you? No. No is a full sentence you don't owe an explanation about after this. You don't need to explain yourself. You can just say, no, I can't do that right now. I'm sorry, but I can't do this right now. Maybe you need to add on to the. No. Make it. Make it seem nice, and I know, okay? And, oh, I know that this is really, really hard. For those of you with high responsibility, you love to be needed.
Sheri Miter (00:18:35) - And we all love to be needed. I mean, let's be real. But you have a hard time saying no. But I want you to remember this, and this is something I've shared with loved ones I've shared with my clients. And this this happened. This makes a huge statement. So if you're not, if I want you to just stop whatever you're doing right now and I want you to really, really listen to this, what I'm about to share with you because it's so important, is that for every yes, you say that, you say for every yes, you say you are saying no to someone or something else. And often it's the people you love the most that you're really saying no to. Think about that when somebody asks you to take on a new work, prod or project at work that isn't really part of your normal duties. Or to bake the brownies for the school bake sale, or maybe to spearhead the entire church fundraiser and you're tempted to say yes to it. Pause and think about if you say yes to this, what are you saying no to? Because all of those things take extra time and their time taken away from someone or something else.
Sheri Miter (00:19:47) - And usually those, again, are the people we love the most, or the things we love the most, or our real priorities. Maybe it's saying you're saying no to yourself when you say yes to something else, and if you hear nothing else to ruin this podcast today, take that to heart. Really let that sink in. That for every yes you say you were saying no to someone or something else. And this is really, really hard to For some of you. And I get it. And you know, really think about what is the benefit of saying no versus the benefit of saying yes to this project, this thing that you're being asked to do. And here's the other thing to think about is when you say no to something and step aside, you can let someone else let their gifts shine by. Let them have the opportunity to say yes. And sometimes we just need to let go of our ego. It's our ego that wants to say yes to things because we love being needed. We love that feeling of someone needs me to do this.
Sheri Miter (00:20:51) - We love having the praise for doing such a great job. We love. We're not the church. You know the next church event they have, you stand up and get applause because you did such a fabulous job on that fundraiser. That's your ego saying yes. Oof, that's a hard one, isn't it? And believe me, I've had to work on this myself. But sometimes our boundaries are not being respected because we aren't letting we aren't the one saying no. And we're letting people encroach on our boundaries and we are in control of that. So sit with this one for a while if you need to. But let's keep on going okay. So number four, the number four thing, key aspect of having that Work-Life Harmony is flexibility. It's a having, you know, chats that having the ability to adjust schedules and responsibilities as needed. And I do agree with this. But again, sometimes that's just not easy. But it goes back to all we can do is ask. Because here's the thing.
Sheri Miter (00:21:55) - Maybe your mornings you feel like you don't have any flexibility in your mornings, and they're so stressful because you're trying to get yourself out the door and on time. Your lunch packed and, you know, looking good. And you know, you've got to get the kids set to go to school or go to daycare. And, you know, Tommy can't find his shoe and Johnny doesn't know where his homework is. And it's stressful to you because you're trying to beat the clock and then you're leaving. At the same time, everybody else in your town is trying to get to work, so you're dealing with traffic. So maybe maybe it's just a simple ask and letting your boss know how stressful it is for you to try to get to work at a certain time. Is there flexibility there? If you say, well, I can stay an extra hour, if I can come in an hour later to work, he, he or she may not know. Your boss may not understand how how stressful that is for you to get to work on at a certain time.
Sheri Miter (00:22:50) - And all you can do is ask. They don't know unless you say something. And you know what the answer is always no. If you don't ask, so can you just ask for a little flexibility for work? Maybe it's asking, can you work from home a couple of days a week so you don't have to do the commute? Maybe you need to ask for more flexibility at home. You just don't know what you don't know unless you ask. And they don't know what they don't know unless you say something. And here's the other thing I need to throw in here with flexibility. If you're stuck in a job that offers, you know, flexibility and, you know, this is the stressor that will never give you work life harmony that you're seeking. Then I would really encourage you to get on the the next waitlist of the Discovering Your Calling Academy, because it was created out of that need that so many women have to have that flexibility. So let's get you on the wait list. So when the next session opens up in the fall, you can get into the Discovering Your Calling Academy.
Sheri Miter (00:23:52) - And let's create something new or find you a new job that offers that flexibility. Okay. Number five Support Systems chat said, leveraging support from family, friends and colleagues. And to me, this goes back to prioritizing and looking at to what tasks, whether at work or home, can you let go of? What can you delegate? Can you hire somebody to do it? Or are there things that you can just doesn't even really need to be done, you know? Do you need to hire a housekeeper? I worked from home and we had a housekeeper for years that came in, you know, I think twice a month when my kids were little and then once a month, even when it was just my husband and I. Could I clean my own house? Absolutely. But you know what? It freed me up to do other things, whether it be family things or work things. So what do you need to hire? There's people that will come in and cook your meals for you. And the other cool thing, when you delegate, you're giving somebody else a job.
Sheri Miter (00:24:50) - You're supporting somebody else's small business. So it's a win win when you do that. Are there for family, you know, for home. Is there family members that you can ask to step up and start doing the laundry or help with dinner. My boys were excellent at this. They were very young, I want to say probably ten years old when they started doing their own laundry, or at least helping do the laundry. I don't know how old. They were young when two of my boys liked to get in the kitchen and cook with me. And you know what? Today their wives are reaping that benefit because they are fabulous cooks. They do most of the cooking in their own houses. Now, two of the boys at least, and one's pretty good on the grill and cooks at the firehouse. So asking your kids to help will make them greater human beings in the long run. There's nothing wrong with that. I think kids today don't do all the work that we expected our kids to do, and definitely not all the work that our parents expected us to do.
Sheri Miter (00:25:48) - So don't be afraid to ask them to step up and help you know at work. Who else can help with projects? Who else can take over a project? Get creative. And again, it goes back to just asking. But I want to caution you here on one thing, especially for projects at home and help at home. If someone does step up and do the job for their sake and for yours, don't be quick to criticize, and I am the first to raise my hand here and admit this is something I still struggle with. I critique a lot of things, and to me, sometimes it's not that I'm critiquing them in a criticizing way, it's just offering a suggestion. But I know they hear it as criticism. And, you know, sometimes we need to let go of, you know, does it really matter how the towels are folded if If now you have the time to go out and have a run by yourself, does it really matter if the dinner is not exactly how you would have fixed it? If now you now have time to go play with your kids, you know it goes back to priorities.
Sheri Miter (00:26:54) - What's most important to you and what can you just delegate higher, let go of, ask somebody else to do for you. Look for the support systems also rely on neighbours and an extended family. Can somebody else pick up the kids? You know, can you carpool for baseball practices like get Creative to free up your time? All right. So some of the challenges and work in achieving work life balance. You know again it's the work demands, the technology, the personal expectations. Life changes. Like we know all these things and I know I spent too much time on this, but if you just kind of spend time really sitting with the five steps we talked about earlier, and maybe it is letting go of some of the expectations you have. And I do believe that work life harmony is possible, but we just have to rearrange things. We have to have open conversations with people in our homes and at work. We have to be willing to ask, as I keep saying, we have to be careful not to keep wasting time on social media.
Sheri Miter (00:27:59) - I mean, oh my gosh. I pick up my phone to check one thing on Facebook or make a post, and an hour later. The Facebook time suck has wasted my time. Like where are we wasting time? And where can we shift things to be more focused when we're supposed to work, we work so we can play when we're supposed to play. And you know, the other thing I do want to mention here, because this is so important, is life changes. You know, my husband and I are empty nesters now. We now have grandkids. And that brings on a whole other thing. Let me tell you, grandkids are the best thing on earth. But there are major life events that just having children, moving, other career changes. elderly or sick parents, other people that need us. And there are seasons of life, and there's going to be seasons that you can work hard and seasons that you can't. And we need to quit fighting it and just lean into those moments.
Sheri Miter (00:28:56) - Especially if you're a mom with young children, you know, it is so true. Time flies and we've got to do the best we can during the season that we're in to create the harmony that allows us to enjoy our family and our lives and our hobbies and our career. But sometimes, you know, the careers are going to be there forever. I feel like so it's looking at what season am I in right now and what do I need to prioritize right now to feel my best? And only you can answer that. It's not what society says you should be focused on. It's what you feel in your heart and soul you should focus on. So as we wrap this up, getting back to the question that we started off with is can work life harmony be achieved because we already decided work life balance can never be achieved, but work life harmony? Yeah, absolutely. You can achieve that. It will take intentional focus and work. It takes asking for help. It takes evaluating what that even looks like for you.
Sheri Miter (00:30:05) - So, my friend, I want to ask you right now, what do you need to work on first or most in order to achieve that harmony you're looking for? Is it your time management? Is it prioritizing? Is it setting better boundaries? Is it creating more flexibility in your schedule? Is it asking for more support and creating better support systems? And you know, it's not easy. It's it's not. But it's so worth it to take the time to do this. And I want to leave you with my motto on Work-Life Harmony. You may have seen this before from me. I say you can't have success without sacrifice. But you can have success without sacrificing the ones you love. I'm going to repeat that one more time. You can't have success without sacrifice, but you can have success without sacrificing the ones you love. And my friend, I believe in you. I know you've got this. And again, what's that one step that you'll implement first as you journey toward work life harmony? I'd love to hear from you.
Sheri Miter (00:31:10) - Send me an email at Sherri at Sherri vitaco.com or find me on Facebook. And remember sheri's s hairy miters mit ir. I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you for spending this time with me. My hope is something you heard today inspires you to take action toward discovering your calling. I just have two favors to ask of you before you go one. If you found value and enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and you might hear your review read on a future episode. And two can you share this episode with three friends who will also enjoy it as much as you did? By doing these things, you will help us grow the podcast to make a bigger impact on the world. And until next week, remember you've been created to live a life of fulfillment, freedom, purpose, success, and joy.
