Oversharing with the Overbys
Surprise Snakes and Slaps
Tackling listener questions, Matt and Jo offer practical advice on moving in with a partner, navigating wedding dress dilemmas, and building friendships as busy parents. They discuss the fine line between confidence and arrogance, the impact of anxiety-inducing headlines, and the nuances of forming new social connections in a jam-packed schedule. With a playful word of the week discussion to cap it off, this episode is a blend of personal growth, relationship advice, and plenty of laughs, ensuring you walk away with both insights and a smile.
If you've got a voicemail or want our (likely unqualified) advice on something, hit us up at the Speakpipe link below!
http://www.speakpipe.com/oversharingwiththeoverbys
If you'd like to email us you can reach the pod at oversharing@jojohnsonoverby.com!
CONNECT:
TikTok: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Instagram: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Website: https://jojohnsonoverby.com/
Watch the Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL29Si0ylWz2qj5t6hYHSCxYkvZCDGejGq
Tackling listener questions, Matt and Jo offer practical advice on moving in with a partner, navigating wedding dress dilemmas, and building friendships as busy parents. They discuss the fine line between confidence and arrogance, the impact of anxiety-inducing headlines, and the nuances of forming new social connections in a jam-packed schedule. With a playful word of the week discussion to cap it off, this episode is a blend of personal growth, relationship advice, and plenty of laughs, ensuring you walk away with both insights and a smile.
If you've got a voicemail or want our (likely unqualified) advice on something, hit us up at the Speakpipe link below!
http://www.speakpipe.com/oversharingwiththeoverbys
If you'd like to email us you can reach the pod at oversharing@jojohnsonoverby.com!
CONNECT:
TikTok: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Instagram: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Website: https://jojohnsonoverby.com/
Watch the Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL29Si0ylWz2qj5t6hYHSCxYkvZCDGejGq
Welcome to Oversharing with Overbees. I'm Jo. And I'm Matt, and each week you can tune in to hear us respond to your voicemails, go in-depth on our lives as content creators and hopefully leave you feeling even better than we found you.
Speaker 2:With that being said, let's get to Oversharing.
Speaker 1:Do you ever look at yourself in like the mirror or a video and just think, wow, I'm so cute?
Speaker 2:Um, not videos that have been made recently Really no, but you're so cute. Not videos that have been made recently Really no.
Speaker 1:But you're so cute, you should do that more.
Speaker 2:I think you're biased, how so? I think you're too close to the situation.
Speaker 1:I just don't think you can be objective. I disagree.
Speaker 2:No, you're fairly good at being objective.
Speaker 1:I just don't like hearing compliments about myself, but you're so cute. Yeah, I'm all right. We got a really crazy couple weeks.
Speaker 2:Oh, I thought you were about to say a crazy voicemail or email or something.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:No, maybe we don't know yet.
Speaker 1:Nobody's texted us still.
Speaker 2:No, I did check that it works. It sends me a notification. It's like if you want to go right to the top, the, the top of the queue.
Speaker 1:I'm upset.
Speaker 2:Nobody's texted us we can't see your phone number, we can't uh it. It just like sends it to a thing linked with the podcast yeah, that's pretty cool.
Speaker 1:Which is cool. Tell me about your week, my week, yeah. Fill me in what's been going on.
Speaker 2:If I thought I was doing a lot of manual labor in the previous weeks I stepped my game up another level. You did.
Speaker 1:That's true.
Speaker 2:I've gone full-blown landscaping.
Speaker 1:You think it was more than the water main.
Speaker 2:Yes, okay, yeah, definitely more work Than the water main.
Speaker 1:Tell people what you've been up to.
Speaker 2:For the water main. I had to dig one hole and then worked in the hole. But like I only dug one hole, what I did this last week Is I put in Two garden beds, like large ones, next to the house and moved A lot of dirt, moved a lot of mulch, moved some very heavy rocks.
Speaker 1:You moved that wheelbarrow. How many times do you think you went back and forth? A hundred.
Speaker 2:I don't know, no, maybe not a hundred.
Speaker 1:A hundred felt like a lot.
Speaker 2:Fifty felt I probably did 25 wheelbarrows of mulch, 10 to 15 of rock. That's so crazy, probably. Yeah, I bet 50 is pretty close.
Speaker 1:I bet 40 to 50 somewhere in there yeah it was a lot, and not only that he found a massive snake friend I did.
Speaker 2:I found about a six foot black snake snake which was cool. I showed the kids. They thought that was exciting yeah they did. Well, our kid thought it was cool.
Speaker 1:It made me nervous. What about it? It was just so big.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:Not that I I don't know.
Speaker 2:It'd been eaten good.
Speaker 1:It had been eaten. Good, yeah, that's clear. It was hiding in the dirt pile that we have covered with a tarp. How did it like? Explain to me exactly how it went down, you discovering your friend?
Speaker 2:I went over to the dirt pile because we needed some dirt. I pulled off the tarp and, lo and behold, like three feet away from me and lo and behold, like three feet away from me was a coiled up black snake. That was just like hey, you caught me. Mainly, he was just like I was chilling. Now you're here and I don't know what to do. He just kind of sat there like he didn't do much. He's just like oh, I've been exposed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he was like am I going to die?
Speaker 2:And he sat still and then I moved him with the shovel.
Speaker 1:Did he think that you, that he thought he was about to get his head chopped off?
Speaker 2:I don't know, I don't know what he thought. I try not to speculate on the thoughts of snakes.
Speaker 1:Everybody online. Like really people were crazy, Like I didn't say anything about hurting the snake. I didn't say anything about it being poisonous. All I said was look at the little friend we found which I thought sounded like I was being pretty friendly toward the snake. People were like please don't kill it. Don't kill the snake, it's a good snake.
Speaker 2:And I was like guys, that does seem to be the reaction. We don't do a lot of killing things. You either get like, oh, I'd kill that snake immediately because, I don't care, I kill all snakes, Yep, or you get, don't kill it and you're like I didn't really say what I was going to do with it. But I don't understand quite the reaction. No, I just said look at this friend. Yeah, I had him on. I don't understand quite the reaction.
Speaker 1:No, I just said look at this friend.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was good I had him on the shovel. Yeah, you did I was picking him up. I was moving him out of the way because I did need to move dirt still. He just kind of sat there while I moved a few wheelbarrows and then he was gone. I didn't like not knowing where he was.
Speaker 1:When he was gone, did it make you nervous that he was like in the dirt and that you were going to stab him?
Speaker 2:Partially or that, like he was somewhere else and I wasn't looking for him.
Speaker 1:It made me nervous that he was going to dig into the dirt and then you were going to get him when you were trying, not on purpose, but like I was, like I don't want to kill him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I didn't know I was. Yeah, I preferred the times where I knew where he was. Yeah, even if he was like kind of mad at me.
Speaker 1:But yeah, totally.
Speaker 2:Anyway, yeah, I did a lot of a lot of landscaping, like a lot, because those beds I started on Wednesday, mm-hmm, yeah, and they were done on Wednesday. Yeah, and they were done Saturday night, yep, and I think most of the day went out Really.
Speaker 1:the one was done on Friday.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, the first one was done on Friday and then the other one was done Friday night into Saturday night.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I did stab my leg with a piece of metal that I cut. It wasn't bad.
Speaker 1:I watched you do that. You were embarrassed, it was coiled up. I was using an angle grinder, not the most safely and I was watching because I was like, well, when he ruins an artery that you definitely need, I'm going to be able to call 911 really quickly. You do a lot of that.
Speaker 2:It makes me anxious To be fair. The angle grinder was less dangerous than the metal I was cutting. Yeah, I wasn't at super risk of getting hurt by the angle grinder, but I did get got in the leg by the metal. That was then red hot.
Speaker 1:Watching you operate a pickaxe, okay Is that right.
Speaker 2:I mean, I used a pickaxe a lot.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's what I thought Terrifies me.
Speaker 2:Why.
Speaker 1:You look like you're going to cleave it into your shin once every 10 swings. Oh why? It just doesn't look coordinated and it doesn't look safe, oh.
Speaker 2:This is starting to feel personal.
Speaker 1:No, it's not like.
Speaker 2:I don't know why does it look like I'm going to hit my shin? How would I hit my shin?
Speaker 1:I think a lot of it is that you're not wearing appropriate attire to be welding the things that you are wielding. I definitely wasn't wearing the proper gear to be welding like the things that you are wielding wielding.
Speaker 2:I definitely wasn't wearing the proper gear to be welding, but I don't know how to weld, so wielding, wielding, yes sorry yeah, I was doing a lot of like um work boots with three inch inseam shorts and a tank top and we promised, we promised everybody on tiktok that we would do an OOTD, but we lied.
Speaker 1:But we lied, we never did it, and so I'm feeling pretty guilty about that every day when I wake up.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:This week's been cuckoo bananas for me, it's been busy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was making those beds because we were busy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like cuckoo bananas.
Speaker 2:We were hosting our three-year-old's fairy birthday party.
Speaker 1:Which was really fun.
Speaker 2:I thought it went really well the outdoor space at peak condition.
Speaker 1:Oh, not peak, I just wanted it to not look Around. Our house definitely looks like a construction zone of like a house that like never quite got done, but we've lived here for two years yes, yeah, it looks like you plopped a house down and then nobody landscaped it yeah, and I finally said you know what, let's just do some things. And I am blown away. I think it looks so good and so night and day difference. Thanks, like I am continually impressed and excited about it.
Speaker 2:I put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into the beds there, tell me about the tears. It wasn't a lot of tears, it was mostly sweat. Yeah yeah, it was probably just sweat running down my forehead, across my eyes.
Speaker 1:Give me your honest opinions, thoughts and breakdown of the fairy birthday party.
Speaker 2:Fairy birthday party was fun. Mainly I had just finished cleaning working like 45 minutes before the party, so I was just really taking that time to like decompress, to just relax a little bit, and that has bled into today. Today has not been my most active day by any means, has not been my most active day by any means, but we're trying to recalibrate after four or five days of nonstop manual labor, something we've realized in the dynamic of our relationship.
Speaker 1:I don't know if it's about our relationship. This is just like a key difference in how you operate versus how I operate. Matt's more of a three days completely off, four days work so hard it almost kills me, yes, which I do think gets more impressive work done.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because you can tell people like I did all of this work in four days and they're like that seems like too much work to do in four days.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Now, if you took the cumulative time of the time you worked and the time you put it off, it would look less impressive, right? But people just see the four days of work, right? They're not like, oh, that took two weeks.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But you know, a week and a half of that was nothing.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, whereas I am much more a I like consistently do things every single day and I relax a little every single day, yeah, I'm more of a balanced day-to-day ghoul yeah, no, I'm doing it all just for show and that is interesting, because matt either feels like I am patronizing him by doing work on his relaxed day or patronizing him for relaxing on his work day. I don't know if you know this.
Speaker 2:I'm sensitive to being patronized or manipulated or I don't know being dealt with at all. Yeah, we're working through it?
Speaker 1:No, I just think that's interesting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I'm sure it's a neurodiverse thing where I uh, I'm on or I'm off and I can't really do a little of each.
Speaker 1:I can't stop yawning.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1:I don't understand what's going on. Why is this happening to me? What is it about when I sit on this mic?
Speaker 2:Is it that this light? You think it's the sun and you're getting sun. No, I genuinely am like what is happening Because I can't control it, because you're reacting like you keep walking outside and get the sun yawn, no I can feel it all through here.
Speaker 1:I can't help it.
Speaker 2:Should I slap you?
Speaker 1:Okay, Go ahead. I don't think that helped yeah.
Speaker 2:I wasn't sure how hard I should slap you on a podcast that makes it sound like I slap you regularly.
Speaker 1:I've never slapped you my entire life, that was the first, so I was also unsure about how to do it. Have you ever slapped? Anybody Slapped? I don't unsure about how to do it.
Speaker 2:Have you ever slapped? Anybody Slapped?
Speaker 1:I don't know. I feel like that was kind of effective?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I wondered if it might be. It might shock the system a little.
Speaker 1:You think I?
Speaker 2:don't know.
Speaker 1:That was not hard, no. Just for anybody watching.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know, maybe I slapped my brother at some point, but it wasn't soft either.
Speaker 1:You did enough.
Speaker 2:I tried. Yeah, I was like I'm going to try and make contact but not knock you out, not saying I think I can knock you out, just like I don't want to be in the territory, not probably.
Speaker 1:You could definitely knock me out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but why would I try that hard? I guess not from slapping me.
Speaker 1:Oh, maybe, I guess, I don't know, can you knock?
Speaker 2:someone. Most of the time, I think, when people get knocked out, it's the twisting. Oh well, I don't want to do that. Yeah, the twisting of the neck, because your brain, I think, tries to defend itself. Oh no, it's happening again I don't know the yawning, it's back.
Speaker 1:That's the sort of new thing when he just slaps me every time. I yawn yeah, Anyway, yeah, it's been a crazy week. I just what else? About the birthday? I might yawn yeah, Anyway. Yeah, it's been a crazy week.
Speaker 2:I just. What else about the birthday party? It was just. It was man. It's been hot this week. The other problem with doing the manual labor was I picked the hottest week of the year, I think, so far. One morning I tried to get out early and do it and it was so humid. It was actually worse than working when it was extra hot. I was sweating, I felt like I was drowning. Um, the the birthday party was hot, but we got. We got enough either water related activities or things done in the shade that it was a lot of fun and all the kids got fairy wings. So it was just, um, it was a real vibe.
Speaker 1:I asked Matt the question because I thought Matt was going to tell me about how I'm a great mom and I planned something great and he was really impressed with me and I was looking for affirmation.
Speaker 2:That's what you were looking for. I told you that.
Speaker 1:Instead, he told you guys about everything he did, which was also great and impressive, and I'm glad that you did it, but I also am patting myself on the back because I made magic.
Speaker 2:A fun birthday.
Speaker 1:I did a lot of stuff. Yeah, a lot of little things. I made little fairy wings or not fairy wings. I did not make the fairy wings, no, I bought the fairy wings. That would be stolen, valor for sure. Yeah, no, don't listen to me. I made the fairy wands, not the big wands. Okay, you know what? I take it all back. I made teeny, tiny, mini fairy wands that I hid for the scavenger hunt. Yes, yeah, homestead avenues, who made all of the fairy wings and the wands.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the legit like fabric, really cool wings and wands for the kids. But yeah, no, and that's not always our forte Um, making magic. So you did a good job.
Speaker 1:What do you mean? It's not.
Speaker 2:Okay, you're awesome. You do awesome all the time and you've never not been awesome. And I think that's what you were looking for.
Speaker 1:That felt not intentional or like authentic at all, but I appreciate it.
Speaker 2:That was authentico for sure. No, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was fun. It was really really fun. I love a birthday party. Yeah, I love having a bustling house.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we've had a lot of people in and out this last week.
Speaker 1:This is the longest trip I think we've ever had. My best friend and her daughter have been staying with us because we're going to get tats tomorrow.
Speaker 2:Yep, joe's getting inked up, joe's first daddy?
Speaker 1:Yeah right, Wouldn't that be something that would be shocking, wouldn't it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean that would be pretty aggressive to just go all at once. If I came home with a full sleeve of tattoos.
Speaker 1:I could never.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:I am not that girl.
Speaker 2:Nope, nope but.
Speaker 1:I'm nervous about the two I'm getting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're not of significant size.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm getting two tiny tattoos and I'm nervous and I'm excited it's gonna be good. I don't know.
Speaker 2:You sound nervous, but excited.
Speaker 1:I am. I'm just like a little antsy. Yeah, everybody's been really excited and nice to me about it.
Speaker 2:That's good. Nobody's been like you, idiot.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:That's good. Probably shouldn't surround yourself with a ton of people that do that. Yeah, that's true, but uh.
Speaker 1:I really want you to get tattoos.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's your real goal in life. Is you want me to come home with a full sleeve?
Speaker 1:I don't want to force you to get tattoos if you don't want them.
Speaker 2:No, no, I have an interest and you want me to pursue that interest, uh, aggressively.
Speaker 1:I don't care if it's aggressively or not. Okay, fair enough. I don't think that's true. I think from our conversation and please correct me if I'm wrong you don't want to dip your toe in.
Speaker 2:I hate dipping my toes.
Speaker 1:You want to like plunge?
Speaker 2:That's my whole brand.
Speaker 1:Right. So why are you saying that I'm the one that wants you to, you know?
Speaker 2:Well, I'm afraid, to Right, and that's okay, that's why I'm encouraging you.
Speaker 1:I feel like you just want me to have tattoos Right, but I'm like encouraging you to do the thing you've expressed you want. I am not telling you Rude, I'm just clarifying.
Speaker 2:Fair enough.
Speaker 3:That's true.
Speaker 1:You're making it sound like I'm like no, not the little one you want. You have to get a full sleeve, like what.
Speaker 2:No, no, I just feel like you're excited for it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:One day. You've talked about it since we met, which is like a lifetime ago.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you've always talked about like I thought, for sure by now if I had to have put money like life or death, actually when we were in high school, if you were going to have tattoos by 30, I would have said absolutely.
Speaker 2:That's a good point. Yeah, yeah, I probably would have bet on it also. Yeah, you know me and new things. I'm scared of it. What?
Speaker 3:part of it.
Speaker 2:Just the actual act of doing a new thing.
Speaker 1:So not anything about getting a tattoo, no just unfamiliar situations Going to walk in and what to expect? Yep, okay.
Speaker 2:That is just always the fear.
Speaker 1:Totally fair. Yeah, I think that's really valid.
Speaker 2:I hate going into a situation where I look like I don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker 1:I never know what I'm doing. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:I would never do anything. Well, I often don't know what I'm doing, but I have to know enough to act like I know what I'm doing.
Speaker 1:That's fair.
Speaker 2:That's why I have to do a lot of prep for some things.
Speaker 1:I feel like sometimes that's where also our disconnect in our relationship is. There's a few of them Is that I am an all in girly with no like. I need you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you love to just.
Speaker 1:I just dive in and I'm like we'll figure it out. And then we'll be like in the middle of the figuring it out, and then we'll be like in the middle of the figuring it out and Matt's like what the hell? I thought with how excited you were, you knew exactly what was the plan. I was like there was no plan.
Speaker 2:We get 50% of the way through. She's gone in with like such confidence. And then she's like, hey, how do we do the basic function of what we're doing right now? And I'm like what, how did we get here? Why did we get here? I could have Googled so much before we started this.
Speaker 1:And it doesn't matter how long you know me, you fall for it every time.
Speaker 2:Well, that's the whole point. Like you're going in with a false confidence.
Speaker 1:It's not false, it's real confidence. It's just not helpful. Real, undeserved confidence, correct, that's true. Is that arrogance? It flirts not helpful.
Speaker 2:Real undeserved confidence.
Speaker 1:Correct that's true, yeah. Is that arrogance? It flirts with it. Okay, I like to approach all home projects with arrogance, yeah.
Speaker 2:That's okay. Yeah, that is really true. Yeah, I forget about that every time.
Speaker 1:Literally.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Every single time. Yeah, yeah I love.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's, yeah, I love that. That's good we need. I need that balance. You know that's it's good for me, even if it doesn't. There's a lot of things in my life that are good for me that I just hate doing Working outside is really good for me, like I feel better.
Speaker 1:You hate doing it In the moment. Yeah, it's not a good feeling.
Speaker 2:Because I feel like you were just chipper all week. There's a sea, it does work that way, but in the moment you're also like this is terrible, I wish I could stop, but my brain won't let me stop things either. So you just get through it and then you see all the work you've done.
Speaker 2:You're like wow, pretty work you've done, you're like wow, I mean, I love it, I am over the moon. That is all. Give me a greg's reads of the week. Greg's reads of the week. Greg's your dad. He reads the news. He sends the news to us and we only read the headlines and rate them on how much anxiety the headlines give us we read the articles also, but on the podcast we only read the headlines.
Speaker 1:Well, sure, I read the articles also, but on the podcast we only read the headlines. For sure, I read the articles. Although I've not been doing a good job this week, I won't lie to you. Reads of the week what?
Speaker 2:Would you like me to just pick the most anxiety-inducing ones? Yes, I would. Oh, okay, this is a heavy hitter one. Okay, first one. Okay, first one. Great savers could face a tax time bomb in retirement advisor says.
Speaker 1:Not worried about it.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Zero out of five.
Speaker 2:Really.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's like a four out of five.
Speaker 1:I think that's fear mongering. It's not even real to me.
Speaker 2:It's so scary, you don't believe it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly With the tax time bomb.
Speaker 2:I really thought it's so scary. You don't believe it? Yeah, exactly with the tax time bomb, I really thought that would get you?
Speaker 1:no, not at all, because it's not telling me I need to save. It's telling me that Even if I do good that, I'm effed anyway. So like whatever.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, in that vein is your ira and iou to the irs three retirement tax strategies. Kind of a clever title there.
Speaker 1:That is very clever.
Speaker 2:Also, I'm not feeling anxiety for that right now she's anxiety free this week.
Speaker 1:Well, but here's the thing Paying taxes doesn't really stress me like out.
Speaker 2:No, no Okay.
Speaker 1:Like the IRS does scare me, but that's not saying the IRS is coming after people who have five toes on one foot.
Speaker 2:No, it definitely isn't saying that, just say more.
Speaker 1:Okay, but it's not saying something that I'm like oh my God, that's me. Instead, it's just saying if you saved money, you're going to have to pay taxes on it. I'm like oh my God, that's me, you know. Instead it's just saying like, oh, if you saved money, you're going to have to pay taxes on it, and I'm like fair enough.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that is true. Well then, this one's really going to get you Lumber. Prices are plunging. Blame the record drop in US housing affordability in a post-pandemic dot dot dot.
Speaker 1:Zero out of five.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, that one actually wasn't supposed to get you that one actually makes me go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it better.
Speaker 2:Yeah, apparently back down to pre-pandemic levels. That's good, I think, is what it said. I picked that one out a little bit.
Speaker 1:Wait, you didn't tell me about your feelings about any of them.
Speaker 2:The first two gave me some real anxiety. Some, probably some fours out of fives.
Speaker 1:Do we need to talk about that?
Speaker 2:No One was a tax time bomb and the other one is an IOU to the IRS. I didn't like either idea.
Speaker 1:An IOU to the IRS is a great headline.
Speaker 2:Yeah, is your IRA an IOU to the IRS?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like that. That's really good. That's clever.
Speaker 2:Whoever wrote that 10 out of 10. B that's really good, that's clever. Who ever wrote that 10 out of 10.? Bars from Kiplinger, kiplinger Love.
Speaker 1:No idea.
Speaker 2:I said it out loud and regretted it immediately.
Speaker 1:Word of the week. Ta-ta. Word of the week.
Speaker 2:Ta-ta Word of the week. Familiar with the word abhor.
Speaker 1:Um.
Speaker 2:Abhor.
Speaker 1:Abhor Abhor, not uh abhor abhor abhor, not a whore.
Speaker 2:No, not to be confused with a whore what is it abhor a, b, h o r abhor abhor, abhor, excuse me, abhor, yep, that's the word I'm looking for. Abhor Abhor, excuse me, abhor, yep, that's the word I'm looking for Abhor. Abhor. I don't like that. I would say you don't know it.
Speaker 1:No, I don't know it. I abhor this. That's actually a perfect use of it. I think I've read it in books.
Speaker 2:For sure it's not that uncommonly used Synonymous with loathe. For sure it's not that uncommonly used Synonymous with loathe. Oh, Like you dislike it, you hate it.
Speaker 1:I didn't.
Speaker 2:Or it's abhorrent.
Speaker 1:I have read that word before, but I did not know what it meant Abhor.
Speaker 2:Mariah is an animal rights activist who abhors any and all mistreatment of animals.
Speaker 1:That's nice. I'm going to remember it by thinking abhor, abhor, abhor, abhor.
Speaker 2:Yep, there you go. You might remember that one. Yeah, just from catching us.
Speaker 1:I remember flump and I remember akimbo Yep.
Speaker 2:Akimbo, you really need the words that sound like what they are. I do that's 100% oh no yeah.
Speaker 1:I hate Bang. You should do that as Word of the Week. One time Bang.
Speaker 2:You just want to show off now. Do you know the word bang?
Speaker 1:Yeah, can you?
Speaker 2:spell it.
Speaker 1:B-A-N-n-g. Wow, I know, electric, no big deal what? Oh, good stuff well, since there are no text messages, we should do the other stuff, the voicemails, the emails voicemail it up.
Speaker 3:Voicemail it up hi there, I'm mara. I'm from Colorado and I was wondering if you guys have any advice for me. I am moving in with my boyfriend of about three years and everything is going awesome. We're super excited, but I was just wondering if you guys have any general overall advice or tips or tricks that keep our relationship strong as we move in together and learn to live with each other I feel like we've touched on this before yeah, I'm sure we have, and so anybody that's like you
Speaker 1:know, I'm gonna put the same thing out there. Number one I think you should have a weekly check-in. That you are both coming to the table with what you're frustrated with one another about, then, that you're promising to be honest and also being open to receiving constructive feedback on whatever. Um, that's like my number one yeah, early days.
Speaker 2:That would have saved us some real uh pain points down the road where we could have been like, hey, this thing that we're doing, let's not do it for another six months, and then wait for it to really reach ahead.
Speaker 1:For sure.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, that would have been good. What else? Yeah, it's communicating. That's the answer to every question ever pretty much, it's really true Talk to the people about what's up.
Speaker 1:But yeah, talk it out, have your meetings yeah be if you're both available to communicate with one another and be honest with one another and like open up your heart, to like hearing out what the other person has to say without defense. I feel like there's really nothing you can't figure out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, not that we're perfect at that, by any means no, not at all, that's not really what I wasn't trying to insinuate, that no no, no, I know, I just like that is a bigger task than it sounds like. Oh yeah, I mean, if you can pull all that off crushing it, I mean one day, maybe One day.
Speaker 1:Are you hitting emails now?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Fantastic.
Speaker 2:Let's roll. Hey, matt and Jo, so long story short. I'm being a bridesmaid for the first time in a month. While I'm close friends with the bride, I'm only a bridesmaid because my husband is the best man to his brother. Sorry, why did that blow my mind? It just blew my mind too.
Speaker 1:My boyfriend Wait what?
Speaker 2:My husband is the best man to his brother, so it's your brother-.
Speaker 1:Your brother-in-law getting married. Yes, so you're only a bridesmaid because you're a sister-in-law. I'm so confused.
Speaker 2:I'll just reread it. Okay, hey, matt and Joe, so long story short.
Speaker 1:Jesus Christ Long story short, long story short.
Speaker 2:So, long story short, I'm being a bridesmaid for the first time in a month. Well, I'm close friends with the bride. I'm only a bridesmaid because my husband is the best man to his brother, the groom.
Speaker 1:If it's your husband and it's your brother-in-law, and your friends I'm anyway, anyway.
Speaker 2:She's gonna have more to say my problem is the bridesmaid dress is ugly. I love the fit when I tried it on in store, but it was the wrong size and color then. So of course in real life it's different. It's not a flattering color on any of us, if I'm being totally honest, and I'm also not 100 happy about with the way it was altered, but there's nothing I can do about that at this point due to the cost of getting it altered again.
Speaker 2:I want to make it clear that I totally understand it's not my place to let the bride know any of this and that I'm not planning on saying anything. I was mostly just wondering if Joe has any ideas on how to make it hotter. For context I will add photos at the bottom, but please don't show it on the pot or anything. But feel free to talk about the cut and style. It's bubblegum pink in real life. I'm pretty tall, about 5'8", and I was asked to wear heels to match the other bridesmaid, making me about 6'0". So I kind of feel like a giant in it, especially compared to the bride and the other bridesmaids who are all pretty short and very thin, like size 0-0 to 4 max, whereas I'm in like a 10 to 12.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:The seamstress wasn't able to deconstruct the chest to make it smaller, so it also makes my chest look massive. So what should I do? Or do you have any tips, as someone who's probably seen hundreds of dresses? All right, she's.
Speaker 1:Oh, I think it's beautiful. I think it's really beautiful. Get a spray tan. That's my advice.
Speaker 2:A spray tan makes literally everything.
Speaker 1:The cut's gorgeous on you. Yeah, I actually completely disagree. I think that you I was expecting the dress that I had built out in my head.
Speaker 2:Literally the next paragraph down. It's like a friend suggested doing a fake tan. Hair could make a difference and I'm planning on taking my shoes off as soon as we hit the reception. But I'm mostly worried about feeling self-conscious standing in front of everyone. So spray tan.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm going to say either a spray tan or self tan can make a really big difference. But if you're going to do that and you don't usually tan, I recommend like it a couple weeks before and making sure you like it. If you're going to do a self-tanner, apply it with medical gloves instead of a mitt. So put medical gloves on each hand, cover your entire body. I like the Tanologist One Hour because I feel like if you leave it on for just an hour it is a nice like soft subtle color to it.
Speaker 1:Um, and then you could apply it again in a couple of days and like try and build your color instead of doing like a. I've also slept in it, but it makes me really dark when I sleep in it. Um, and again, I think it looks nice.
Speaker 2:But the gloves mean you don't like.
Speaker 1:A lot of times they have like foam applicators that just soak it all up, I do the gloves and then when I'm done I like push the product down my wrist, over the tops of my hands. Yeah, that what.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was just thinking of different issues that can go on in the, the self-tanning game oh, but I really have never had a bad self-tan yeah, you've dodged most of them I've really had pretty good experiences.
Speaker 1:It makes a big. I think you're going to be blown away by how striking you look in that dress once your hair and makeup's done, regardless if you choose to tan or not, because in my opinion it was extremely flattering on you, um, and I loved the color there you go, gassing her up yeah, I no, I like I really I was expecting very different.
Speaker 1:Um, my feedback would be that it seems like it's just not something you're comfortable in, rather than it's something that you actually look bad in. I think it's something you're just not something you're comfortable in, rather than it's something that you actually look bad in. I think it's something you're just not used to how you look in it.
Speaker 2:Fair enough.
Speaker 1:Um, and have so much fun. Who cares? Nobody's looking at you Like. That's something I've learned after going to hundreds of weddings. Nobody's looking at the wedding party.
Speaker 2:Not, yeah, rarely, unless something's just truly outrageous, right, and you don't. It doesn't seem like it's going to be outrageous, that's not even a touch outrageous.
Speaker 1:Even if you are a foot taller, like I've been to weddings where there's huge height differences still not looking. It has to be like crazy.
Speaker 2:It's usually on the bride and groom. Yeah, that's kind of the focus. 100%, that's the show. That's kind of the focus. 100%, that's the show. Yep, I agree. Next email Hi Joe and Matt, I've been a listener since before I can remember. I'm 24 years old and a wedding photographer in Ontario, canada. My husband and I both own businesses in Canada, but we're currently trying to move a division of his company over to the States. My question is if you were starting fresh in the US, where would you be looking to move? We've been married for four years and we'll want to start a family in a few years. This is a huge change for us and would love to hear your input. I look up to you guys so much.
Speaker 1:That's a big question minneapolis yeah, close to canada it depends on what you're wanting. Like, I love where we live. We live in northwest arkansas. I adore it. Um, the big red flag for a lot of people is it's a red state. Yeah, like I think, for a lot of people that listen to us.
Speaker 3:I mean I don't.
Speaker 1:It's not a red flag for, I'm sure, tons of people, but for a lot of our listeners that kind of align with our views. That's the big red flag, but I love it. I like Minneapolis a lot, lot, but it is really cold yeah um where else.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you kind of have to have more information about like what's a priority for you, right, like minnesota's great if you're trying to get the lowest taxes in the world not the spot to be, like all kinds of stuff like yeah it depends on your priority list, but we love minnesota.
Speaker 1:We're not texas people, but people love texas yeah, like it's, I don't know, I uh lots of people love california uh, very expensive yeah worth it to me.
Speaker 1:Price wise, I'm priced out of there. But the other thing that I kind of think to myself on is that most places you can turn into a home Like there are very few places around the country that they're like decent sized cities that you hear about frequently, that I don't know somebody from there. That's let me think about how I worded that. Most places I know someone who's really passionate about where they live. Yeah, yeah, it's really about getting involved in whatever community you move to and the relationships that you create and cultivate there For sure.
Speaker 2:I think the biggest thing is just find out, like write down, what your priorities are, cause I'm sure there's some lists out there that kind of give the uh, the different, um values, so to speak, of of different areas because California is awesome, like the lifestyle there's really wonderful, but it's you're, you're gonna pay for it, and you know, and I think that's kind of that way with everywhere yeah, is whether your priority is financial. Your priority is people your priority and what are your values? Where do you actually align?
Speaker 1:And I think that you can meet people that align with your values, moving virtually anywhere.
Speaker 2:Yeah, most places.
Speaker 1:Most places. Again, I'm not talking about tiny towns, that's a little bit different, but I don't know. It's definitely yeah, make a priority list.
Speaker 2:So I hope that was helpful, even a little bit yeah. Congratulations, that's really cool that you guys are both self-employed and doing all that.
Speaker 2:So good luck All right. Hey, joe and Matt, I enjoy your podcast and enjoy Greg's segments. The anxiety really hits on some of them. I like both of your takes on how you feel about them. So my question for you both is how do you find friendships outside of school and work environments? I've always thought I was an extrovert and finally learned at the ripe age of 32 I'm actually an introvert. I know you guys have mentioned how Joe is extroverted while Matt is introverted, so I felt like you guys could both give me tips. It's hard for me, with three kids and being a full-time working mom, to create authentic friendships. I'm not in your area, but I guess you can say I've lived up here long enough to technically be from here Ten years. Any tips or tricks would be greatly appreciated. I'm tired of not having friends, whether they be moms or not. Thanks, guys.
Speaker 1:I think being a working mom to three kids, holy cannoli I guess my first thing to say would be do you feel like you have the capacity for friends? I'm not saying you don't, but I think there's this thing where we, as women, put it on ourselves that we need to be the perfect friend, the perfect mom, the perfect working woman, the perfect stay-at-home parent. Whatever you're doing like, you need to be doing it all and all at once, and it sounds like you're already doing a lot of things, and probably really spectacularly, and so I'm going to start by saying, like, don't overextend yourself, um, but my greatest tip is where you can work in really regular visits, like scheduled visits to the same place. So like visit the same park every Saturday at 9am or you know whatever it is, um, and do that for a few months, and what you'll find whatever it is like story time on Friday at, you know, kindness, joy, toys, whatever it is what you will find is that, whatever those activities are, you're going to start seeing a lot of the same parents over and over again, and that's always an opportunity to like meet other friends who are in kind of that similar season.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that doesn't just go for kids, like it goes for joining a reformers politics class. It goes for joining a walking club, a book club, going to events like Pearl's books or, once upon a time, books in Bentonville. Going to events like Pearl's Books or Once Upon a Time Books in Bentonville. I know that they have monthly book club meetings where they pick out books and anybody can go those kinds of events and really showing up consistently, you will see the same people again and again and start to form connections.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, no, it is. It's a tough seat and you really it's. Especially if you're an introvert. It's going to require putting yourself out there to some degree.
Speaker 2:Like I'm somebody who could definitely use more friendships, but I also know that in the season I'm at right now that the start of a friendship you really have to put out a lot of energy and, like I know that's something that I don't really have in my bag right now to build a friendship, and that's the challenging part is like, maybe maybe you have the capacity to maintain a friendship in this season, but it is really difficult to start a friendship if you don't have, like, all of that built up and, uh, ready to go.
Speaker 2:And so definitely, like, try and work in, uh, things where you're taking care of yourself and making that a repeatable routine, but make sure that you have the capacity that you can, uh can pull that off, because it does take a lot, and so, um, yeah, I don't know if that was advice or if it was just well, I think that you kind of spoke to what I said the beginning of my answer and it's like I completely agree with you of like maintaining friendships is one thing but establishing new friendships is um thing.
Speaker 1:but establishing new friendships is um, I think it requires a lot of building trust and like comfort with someone and so making sure that what you commit to that you can really commit to and show up, because it's different when you've been friends with somebody for a few years and all of a sudden they fall off because they're busy with X, y, z. It's much easier to work through that in that relationship than having that happen with a new friend.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm trying to think of just like different situations where we've connected with people, but it's like workout classes or friends of friends.
Speaker 1:I talk to everybody. But that's because you put yourself out there I was like that's the hard part between extrovert and I don't know that that's purely extroverted versus introverted. I just just if you're.
Speaker 2:If you're an introvert and you're going to be around other introverts, someone's going to have to break the ice, and so, like you're going to have to have the energy to do that, and then you're going to have to have the energy to consistently show up and build a friendship, because that part requires repeated interaction and it requires being reliable and being a working mom to three. That is, um, I'm sure that's not the smallest task.
Speaker 1:That is a workload.
Speaker 2:Um, there's a reason we make a lot of friends when we're in high school and college and whatever.
Speaker 1:And even like my best friends, my closest friends, we're not seeing each other very frequently in the season that we're in, like we are very much in toddlerhood, and I know online it may seem like I see my friends constantly, like I'm sure it does in one way or another, friends constantly, like I'm sure it does in one way or another. Um, but it I think part of that is because I have a lot of friends and Caroline and I work together Like and part of it is you don't show our kids either, and so that too, when you don't show the kids part.
Speaker 2:You see the individual part.
Speaker 1:Right, and so I I just think, like I've been in a season, I'm seeing friends probably five or six times a year right now, instead of once a week, or every other week. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't mean like I only see a friend, that often Like I'm saying friends, that.
Speaker 2:Because you're definitely somebody that, like sees your friends quite a bit.
Speaker 1:for the season of life we're in, I have at least I see like I have a date with a friend at least once a week. Yeah, I would say minimum.
Speaker 2:Sometimes it's work-related type stuff too. So it's like you have a blurry work-friend-life balance. I do. I do, that's true.
Speaker 1:Which is.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's a lot of fun sometimes.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I would say consistency. I think that's the number one tool. Especially if you're introverted or if you're kind of shy or you're nervous to put yourself out there, showing up in the same space at the same time on like a weekly basis really helps.
Speaker 2:You know, if you have a YMCA where you are like, show up at a class there consistently, like eventually, yeah, it's because really all that does is that shows that somebody else has a similar schedule to you and a similar set of interests, which is a good place to start breaking the ice with somebody and hopefully showing up on some kind of schedule.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like that.
Speaker 2:Good luck on some kind of schedule. Yeah, I like that. Good luck. Like I said, as someone who could use more friends but knows he's not really got the friend building mode going right now, feel for you.
Speaker 1:I was actually just talking about that with Jay. Yeah, about you being in that season.
Speaker 2:For sure.
Speaker 1:I said, we know some really awesome guys. Like some of my friends have husbands that I always feel like you would really really vibe with. But you've been kind of like checked out yeah not checked out.
Speaker 2:Like I don't know how to describe that's probably not the right way to word it well, the thing is it requires not only like when we're all together, like with the kids you're doing some activity, like being there, having a good time, showing up, then it's the followup.
Speaker 2:It's like texting people, making plans, setting schedules, like that kind of stuff is really where you have to be able to show up and you have to have that capacity, and that's just not something I've been good at really in any category in my life the last couple of years. So I'm, at the very least, honest with myself about it this time and like, can recognize oh okay, well, you're going to have to be able to do that if you want to build friendships, and so, fingers crossed, I think you got it. Yeah, yeah, getting better every day. So another one, yep, all right. Hey, joe and Matt, you say a bunch of nice things here, but we'll get to the statement. I would love if you did an episode on friendship dynamics.
Speaker 2:I'm 16 now and have a few really good friends that I enjoy spending my time with, but I sometimes struggle with communication.
Speaker 2:I want to learn how to be better at that. I'm learning how to set boundaries and really explain how I'm feeling without causing hurt feelings for other people. I'm very opinionated and love to hear all sides of, but also need the chance to be able to explain my entire thought process or side of a story. I often find myself bickering with my very best friend about various things, not only because we've been best friends for the past six years almost like we have been a sibling sort of dynamic but because we both had to navigate how to have our own values and thoughts and stand firm on those when they are challenged or questioned or challenged by peers and life in general. I also struggle with being able to be happy for others all the time and can sometimes get jealous, not to say that I'm never happy for people. I love seeing people have amazing experience in things, but I want to learn how to appreciate what I have and not focus so much on what others do. If you could please provide some advice on this, it would be much appreciated.
Speaker 1:Look at your own peaks. That's like my number one advice. On that last bit, people get really absorbed in looking at other people and seeing what they're jealous of with others, rather than looking at their own life and thinking about everything about your life that there is to be jealous of, because I promise there's something, um, there is always something in your life, uh, that somebody would really value and wish that they had. And then, as you start to see that, you realize that everybody has peaks, everybody has valleys, literally no matter who it is, um, or how much cool stuff they have, or the education or the travel experiences or the solid family dynamic, like everybody always has their things. And so if you focus on everybody as being somebody with peaks and valleys, rather than focusing on your own valleys and other people's peaks, that should shift that jealousy in my mind.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's um and we've talked about this in a lot of different categories that people have different things that they struggle with, and so seeing other people um with more of something they feel they lack is always a soft spot, and so it can be really easy to be like, well, if I had that, then I would feel a different way. And, in all reality, how you feel is totally internally bound, like it's. It's a hundred percent. You have to generate it from within you. It's not an external set of circumstances that are causing every bit of it. Now, absolutely external circumstances can affect that, but it's very much mindset-based and you've got tons of time to learn all this stuff.
Speaker 1:I was about to say 16, the fact that you're even thinking about this stuff, the thing like, yeah, you want to be confident in your opinions and you want to start forming those, but also, like you're in your, I still feel like we kind of are. You're in this like exploratory season and you're going to learn a lot in the next 10 years and a lot is going to change and a lot of experiences are going to pull you back and forth and I'm sure that there are parts of you that are and will be the same, but there are also a lot of things that will shift and change and, like, until that stuff, you have to just kind of go through. Yeah, does that make sense?
Speaker 2:Yep, it sounds like you have a willingness to learn, and so that will serve you well over the next 20, 30, 40 years. The rest of your life, yeah, but for sure in the next 10. You're going to have a ton of change. You just recently have been able to get a driver's license.
Speaker 1:Right, I look back 15 years ago and I was 16. And I mean, I didn't know anything. And I thought I knew so much. And I'm not saying you don't know anything, I'm not dismissing you.
Speaker 2:Well, it's like your whole life ago, literally Like I think about that and it's like I don't count any of my life before I don't know. End of college. Yeah, I would agree Like I don't think, saying I don't count it?
Speaker 1:I don't think that that's a good way to word it, but I have evolved so much since high school, then since college, etc.
Speaker 1:Like those versions of myself I really value and and I wish that I would have been more in the mindset of like what you're saying, where I really wanted to learn and that I was open and that you know. But I wasn't. I was very sheltered. I was very naive, um, I felt like I was not well prepared to encounter anything in the real world when I was that age and it caused me to have a lot of embarrassing moments through my younger years and my early adult years, because I just wasn't told about how the real world worked. I was very much told to fear the real world, and so a lot changed for me and I think that's the thing I would say is just be prepared to know lots is going to change and you're going to embrace that and you don't have to have it figured out and you don't need to be right and it's okay if you do a 180, um, and it's okay if something that you felt passionately about you feel completely the opposite in a few years, like you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, really that's.
Speaker 1:You got a roller coaster coming, but yeah, I think an open mind is the best thing you can have.
Speaker 2:And you seem to have one. So look at you, looking inward, I don't think I did that for another 10 years. So yeah, other than to blame, other than blame myself, did that a lot. So yeah, other than to blame other than, to blame myself did that a lot, so yeah, well you have any other thoughts? On being 16? No, it doesn't even feel real Like I can't. I feel like I can't even picture myself at 16.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 2:Like that's how far away it feels.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm 31.
Speaker 1:It was a long time ago, yeah, 31.
Speaker 2:It was a long time ago yeah, it was a long, long time ago and it just doesn't even feel real. Like I can think of different memories if I try and recall them individually. Or like what was I doing at this? Like what did that look like? But it doesn't feel like a I don't know. It feels like a movie that I saw.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was a mess.
Speaker 2:Yeah, At 16, I was definitely not like how can I be a better communicator? It was like my, problems are the biggest problems in the world.
Speaker 1:Oh, I just I was sad yeah, sad girl hour and I was just weird and I wanted to fit in so bad and I tried really hard, that's true, and people didn't like that Too hard. Yeah, very, very hard, and I don't know, I don't look back fondly on that time.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That season.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I was fluctuating between dissociated and I don't know, just taking up space.
Speaker 1:For sure I get that, but here we are.
Speaker 2:We made it, it works out. So good luck to you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we made it works out, so good luck to you. Yeah and um, truly like I think even thinking about things the way you are is a huge asset. Yep, um, we love you guys and, uh, happy. Fourth, should you be in the united states and observe, uh, we will be, and sliding and spending time with friends and grilling out this week.
Speaker 2:Got all the sprinklers going, all the grills.
Speaker 1:We're going to try and stay cool and we hope you guys do the same.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And yeah, have a great week We'll see you. Bye.