In this episode, we cover:
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Remember that, you are worthy. You have value. You get to take up space in this world simply because you exist. Don’t let anyone, including yourself, convenience you otherwise. If that idea or vision for your life is in you, then it is for you.
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In this episode, we cover:
Use my code JACY10 to save on your order of Gut Personal Supplements! Visit www.gutpersonal.com and take their online quiz to get personalized recommendations of supplements for your gut health needs! I recommend starting with the Miracle Worker! It is my favorite and will literally TRANSFORM your sleep.
Want to Connect with Ashley O'Connor?
IG: @ashleyoshow
Listen to Ashley's Podcast: The Ashley O Show
Remember that, you are worthy. You have value. You get to take up space in this world simply because you exist. Don’t let anyone, including yourself, convenience you otherwise. If that idea or vision for your life is in you, then it is for you.
Need a Community of Audacious Women to Join:
⚡Join the Have the Audacity: Audacious Human Free Facebook Community:
CLICK THE LINK HERE
⚡Click Here to Access Our Podcast Guest Self Care List:
CLICK THE LINK HERE
⚡Want to Work Together?:
ALL THE DETAILS HERE
⚡ Connect on Instagram:
CLICK THE LINK HERE
Want to Support the Have the Audacity Podcast?
⚡I would love it if you take 30 seconds to leave a 5 star review and a rating sharing why you love this podcast! If you have left a review, please share it with a friend!
Hi and welcome to the have the Audacity podcast, where we are all about living our own version of our best life. My name is Jacey. I'm a multi-passionate human obsessed with personal growth, and I want you to come on this journey with me, where we share our stories and learn tools, tips and tricks to live the life we were always meant to live. So let's lean into the uncomfortable celebrator highs and embrace our lows, because all of it's important. It may get a little messy, but it's time to have the audacity. Hey, audacious Human, I'm so glad that you're here for today's episode and I'm excited for you to listen to this conversation. It was such if you are needing a conversation that just reminds you that you need to take care of yourself, because you spend so much time taking care of others, whether you're a parent or a teacher or a nurse or a caregiver in any capacity. This is an episode you need and this is a good episode to save and come back to. There's so many great things and just little confident boosters and pep talks hidden within it that I am so excited that I get to bring this to you and get to have this conversation with you.
Speaker 1:So today's guest, before we jump in is Ashley O'Connor. And I met Ashley in Denver, colorado, at a conference and we had like some mutual friends and that's how I got to know her. And she spoke on this panel at the conference and I just thought, wow, she's got this fire, energy and we have similar beliefs on just changing the narrative and how society works, and so I knew I had her on and talk about some things, and so before we jump in, let me tell you a little about that. Ashley is a registered nurse, turned health, fitness and career coach for nurses and caregivers, and is on a mission to simplify the pursuit of health and help women build bodies they love by creating programs for the busiest lives. She is also the host of the Ashley O Show podcast, which aims to challenge the status quo in the health industries and help listeners building stronger lives, careers, bodies and minds than they thought possible.
Speaker 1:Ashley and her husband are currently living as digital nomads, traveling around the US, living in new places every few months, so I will link all her podcast and shows for you to check out after this conversation. But she's a powerhouse of a person who authentically shares what she's gone through. That is going to leave you feeling empowered to step into your own power. So, without further ado, let's dive into today's episode. All right, ashley, thank you so much for coming on this show and joining us today. Yeah, thank you so much for having me For the Lister. Listing, like, I told them a little bit about you before we started, but in your own words, like, can you describe what you do, who you are?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so my name is Ashley O'Connor. I am currently working as a full-time coach, so I'm a registered nurse, I'm an integrative health coach and a personal trainer, and right now my focus is helping burnt out nurses and caregivers build strong and resilient bodies, brains and bank accounts. Those are my focuses, and we do so by creating programs that are built around really busy lives. So that's what my focus is, because nurses, caregivers so that's parents, teachers, anyone taking care of other human beings they have so much of their energy going to taking care of others that we often neglect ourselves. So I'm trying to help heal the healers so they can help heal other people. I'm also the host of the Ashley O'Show podcast, where we kind of dive even deeper into those topics. And then, on a personal note, my husband and I are currently living as digital nomads, so we move around the United States living in different places for three to four months at a time. So lots of things going on.
Speaker 1:You do, and so I'm really interested to see and I love what you're doing is so needed. As a teacher myself, I'm like it's so true, and there are so many parallels between teaching and nursing and the giving role and then not taking care of yourself and the burnout. And I know both industries are really seeing that right now. Yes, with the shortage, I think the whole world right now, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, lots of burnout just going around, for sure, and especially any sort of caregiver and teachers and nurses. I 100% agree. There's so many similarities and parallels happening in those two industries because there's so much demand put on us and put on you that becomes overwhelming. We can only do so much. Because I think people forget often, with people like nurses and caregivers and teachers, that they're human beings, that they aren't just these machines that can continue to do this over and over and over again without actually taking care of themselves. And teachers care so much about the people that they are serving that they often just lose themselves. Same thing as nurses.
Speaker 1:And so I see that being so needed, and so I'm curious how did you get to this point where this is what you do now and you help others?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so my story essentially started honestly, I've probably gotten burned out a bunch of times in my life, but it really is based around the feeling of burnout. This is now my third career, so I started my career in psychology. So I graduated with my undergrad in psychology and moved into actually behavioral health, but then I pivoted into, like, the biomedical space and essentially wasn't satisfied because I wasn't reaching people the way that I wanted to. I wanted to make a positive impact on people's lives and I didn't feel like I was doing that in those roles. So I went back to school, went to nursing school, got my master's there and figured that was going to be the thing. Like I'm like this is going to be it, I'm going to take care of people. Like, of course, I'm going to feel like I'm fulfilled. As a nurse, I actually graduated at the end of 2019 and started in the adult ICU right after that.
Speaker 2:Everyone knows where the story is going, but the pandemic started soon after I was off of orientation and on my own as a little baby nurse and that, I think, just accelerated what would have happened even if there was no pandemic. But I was there for about 18 months in the adult ICU I was working night shift also just sprinkle that on top and I just very quickly lost myself. And it happens, I think, so fast where you feel like you're just kind of going through the motions, you're on the hamster wheel, you're kind of on autopilot, just surviving in a role, going back, and you know what you're doing is important. So you keep going until you reach a point where you kind of can't anymore. And so for me, I reached a point, probably about 18 months into the ICU, that I was like this isn't it? I'm exhausted, I'm burned out. I'm too young, I'm in my career, to be burned out like this. That's how I felt.
Speaker 2:But I pivoted a few times within nursing, just searching for a home where I might feel like I'm actually making the impact. Cause that was the other thing kind of grinding away at my energy was that I didn't feel like I was helping, even though I was nursing. I was helping some of the sickest people and I still didn't feel like I was actually helping them because it was there's so much going on in the healthcare system, same with teaching. There's so much that is kind of wearing away at the feelings of our caregivers because they care so much, but there's so much systemic issues that it's hard to move past that Like we don't actually feel like we're reaching the people the way that we want to. So I thought that over and over.
Speaker 2:But essentially I reached this point that I knew that this career didn't feel right and I was searching for what would feel right. And I looked around at my fellow nurses, healthcare workers, and just saw how much they were neglected. I just heard people day after day talk about hating their bodies, the diet that they were on while trying to work 12 or 14 hour shifts. They were never eating, never peeing, never taking a break. There was so much grind that happened in nursing and it was just kind of accepted that this is how it is. There was this narrative that it was impossible to be healthy as a nurse and that was just what was normal.
Speaker 2:I'm sure there's something very similar with teaching as well. It's kind of like, well, yeah, you can't take a break, you got to take care of these kids and I just watched that happen and I knew there had to be a different way. And so I started to study, go back to school while I was nursing and went back for the integrative health coach and the personal trainer role because I wanted to serve people in a new way that would keep them out of the hospital instead of treating them when they were there. And I found the biggest need amongst my coworkers, my fellow health care workers, my nurses, my caregivers, because they were the most neglected, because they were worried about everyone else. So I eventually pivoted and got to where I am today, based on that whole roller coaster.
Speaker 1:I first want to really thank you for sharing this part of your story because I know somebody can see it Like the listener can see themselves in it. I feel like it's very common to hit that point of like this isn't what I thought, this isn't it, and even pivoting within the field, because you're like I mean you had a master's in it. Like you're like I went back to school, I got my master's. Like somehow this has got to work, yeah and so, and I feel like that's something that's very real and honest. And just seeing, looking around, if you're like, okay, what impact can I make? And just looking around at the people around you and you're like I know exactly like we can fix this.
Speaker 1:And really I was excited to have you on and have this conversation, because that is very audacious of you. To be like because there is systemic issues, there's like there's huge issues in it in a lot of the fields that are more caregiving, centered because they do. They're like that is just part of it. It's normal like, put yourself last, that's how it's supposed to be. You're like, okay, well, just because that's how it's always been doesn't mean that's how it needs to be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's one of my least favorite statements and we all lean on it, and I think of these big industries it's like, well, it's the way it's always been done. No, it might be the way it's always been done, that doesn't mean we can't change it. And I get this pushed back a lot in nursing too, because I'm helping individuals take care of themselves and maybe build a better career and something that's a little bit more aligned. But also I'm very focused on advocacy in the profession, because I want nurses and caregivers to be treated better, and I get a lot of pushback of like, well, you're not gonna change the system, you can't fix it, it's broken.
Speaker 2:But if we all continue to feel that way, nothing is ever going to change. Like it has to start with a little pieces of action. If you look back in history the civil rights movement, like the women's suffrage, like all of these big movements everyone thought those were impossible too. Everyone said you're never gonna change the system, it's broken. And we're here. It's not perfect, but if we continue to feel like we were powerless, then nothing would ever change. So we have to embrace our own power. Even if it's small, little changes can have really big impacts if we keep pushing for them.
Speaker 1:That is so true and you said that so well, because it is true that you have to start, because nothing's gonna change if you don't Now. Have you always been the person who was, like, stood in your power and was like, yeah, I'm willing to go up against the system, like that's fine, or was it something you learned over time?
Speaker 2:I'd say a mix. So as a teenager very rebellious teenager Anything that was kind of like the norm, I was like no, I'm not doing that. I had a flip phone for way too long. I like rejected all those things. I thought I was so cool, Definitely a hipster.
Speaker 2:So I had that feeling in me for a really long time. I wasn't even gonna go to college because it felt like it was the requirement, definitely pushing against authority, that was always in me. But it was kind of squashed by society too. That wasn't okay, especially for women. Not all right, you gotta kind of be quiet and do what we're supposed to, follow the linear path. And so I think it kind of got squished down for a while and I just kept doing the things I was supposed to do. So it was always there.
Speaker 2:But it was probably in the past few years that I just got more and more upset and tired of watching it and frustrated. And I think that frustration in us will tell us a whole lot about what we care about. And if we keep squishing it down, that we're never gonna feel aligned, we're never gonna feel satisfied. Some of that rage and some of that anger and some of that frustration is good. It's actually something that can fuel something that you care about. So it took a few years to get back to her, but I feel like I'm back in her now in that movement.
Speaker 1:No, and that really comes through, even in your voice, for the person just listening to this. It comes through your passion about it and your confidence in it. And so if you have I mean because you work with all different people who come in and they're like, hey, I have this thing, I'm leaning in actually to things that frustrate me about whatever it is, but I don't know, because not everybody's really fiery innately or always had that like, okay, I know I need to lean into this and it needs to change and I get, if I don't make those small changes, nothing's ever going to change. But how would you empower them? Like light a little fire to follow that frustration?
Speaker 2:It's in small actions too. So you know that the small changes are gonna make big impacts, but it's in the little, small changes in our lives that they have big impacts too. So when we're starting from a place where maybe we do feel a little bit powerless, or maybe we are struggling with our confidence, or we have been told to kind of be quiet and sit in the back for a really long time, it's not something that you just flip a switch and it's all fixed for sure. And so I think it's small actions every day where you make choices, and sometimes those choices aren't gonna feel good. That's the really hard part is that anytime you're pushing into uncertainty or a change, something going against maybe a pattern of behavior that you've had for a really long time, that's gonna feel sticky and it's gonna feel uncomfortable. But I would say that the biggest thing that you can do is start to chase that discomfort a little bit more and embrace it a little bit more. Put yourself in situations that feel a little bit uncomfortable and see and watch how you survive those, and it's gonna get easier and easier. And so if you're struggling with, let's say, fighting for something that you care about, start by just speaking up in a conversation. Start by just playing with it and see how that feels and see how the people around you don't actually immediately reject you.
Speaker 2:That's typically not what's gonna happen. The idea in our head, the thing that we think is gonna happen, is usually not it. And if it is, if that is what happens, I also want you to just kind of play it out what's the worst thing that's going to happen? This is at least an exercise for me that's always been helpful is, when I'm really stressed or scared about something that I'm stepping into, I always just play it out what's the worst thing that's gonna happen? Typically it's not that bad. It's nothing that I can't survive, that I haven't gotten through before, and it helps me to understand like that's the worst case scenario.
Speaker 2:That's probably not what's gonna happen. It's probably gonna be something in between and that is manageable. So break it down and approach it from a place of small, small changes, little pivots, and know that over time those little pivots are gonna build on each other and it's gonna get a lot less scary. But if you're feeling comfortable all the time, that's probably a sign that you're not in a place of growth. So let's chase discomfort a little bit more, even though it's not super fun all the time, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:No, that does, and I love that. You know, if you're feeling very comfortable and there's no discomfort in your life, then you don't have growth, and I even think about that. You know, with your background in fitness, I mean, it's the same thing. If you're doing workouts and you're not ever feeling any discomfort, are you really growing and whatever your goal is there? So like with that I'm really curious too, since you work with a lot of caregivers, they innately put themselves last. And how do you? Is that a whole issue? Cause I know like I have some listeners that are coming to mind that they're like okay, I get it, but is it selfish to put myself first? Cause that's a very predominant thing. If you're a caregiver, in whatever capacity, and you wanna put other people first, you wanna take care of them first, you're like that's what I'm here for. So it's selfish of me too, not? So what? Could you speak to that?
Speaker 2:One it is, and I want you to embrace that. Selfishness is not a bad thing. We have given selfishness this horrible connotation. When we think of selfishness, we think it's bad, and I will say too, that is especially for women. You don't typically hear that thrown around as much when we're talking about men Typically for women, people identifying as men those are the ones that we target when we call them selfish as a bad thing. But what we have to remember is if we continue to be selfless all the time the thing that's encouraged we're just draining ourselves.
Speaker 2:If you think of yourself as a cup I'm sure you've heard this metaphor before but if you think of yourself as a cup, you have water in that cup, and if we continue to just poke holes in it with things and obligations and things that we're supposed to be doing, and then if we continue to pour out of it into others, we're never going to keep any water for ourselves, and then it's empty. That's where most people find themselves is that they are leaning into selflessness so much that they have nothing left for themselves, and at that point, if you want to think about selfishness as a negative thing, that's the most selfish thing that you can do is ignore yourself for so long that you now have nothing to give to anyone else. Because if you really want to take care of others and be in service to others and help people, you need to help yourself first, because otherwise you're not going to be able to do so. We need you in order to take care of others. Without you, that doesn't happen. So for the parents, the teachers, healthcare workers, anyone out there that's taking care of other people, we have to put you first.
Speaker 2:If I could do anything, it would be helping caregivers realize that they have to come first all the time and that that's not a bad thing. That that's actually one of the most if we want to call it this, flip it. That's one of the most selfless things that you can do, because when you have a full cup, it overflows into other people and you are a super human in that sense. That's the amazing thing about caregivers is that when they have more energy and compassion and caring, they give it to other people. They don't just hoard that energy, they give it to others. We have to keep it full so that you can do that.
Speaker 1:That was.
Speaker 1:So I know like somebody needed to hear that and that was, I would say, with that too, you're coming up against, I mean, like you said, especially with women, and I mean it's mostly women that listen to the show and we do come up against that about negative selfishness, and then so there's a lot there that you're even just having to help people come from an empowered place and whereas women not taught that.
Speaker 1:And like once you step into it, I feel like you and I are very similar in that aspect. It's like you learn these things and you're like, no, I have to tell everybody, because I was not always like let's buck the system in a sense forever, like I didn't as a teenager, was like, okay, I'll do whatever I need to to like fall in line and do the things, even though inside I like was kind of against it. But then it was like once I took the muzzle off my mouth I was like, okay, everybody needs to. And I just thought of it with what you said. You know, go at like circling back to if there's something you want to stand up for and like say, try to try and get in small like discussions and just seeing. Like I remember my own personal experience doing that and honestly, people were like agreed, because there's so many women especially who are like I mean, I think that, but I would never say it out loud.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's so true. It's like the being in a classroom and not knowing something and being afraid to actually ask the question, but the moment you do, or somebody else does, you're like that was my question. Somebody has to be brave enough to say it first or stand up first, and more than likely, other people are going to feel that way too.
Speaker 1:And I'm sure, like I just know, like from this conversation, it's just being that proof and the permission slip to be like you can do this too. I mean Ashley's coming up against all the system and you're just like you could do it. It's okay and it's scary sometimes and that's okay. And I don't think you normally that like yeah, it's scary, it's not like you wake up with no fear in the morning. You're like, yeah, no, stephanie's a change, and it's kind of nerve wracking to be the one to say it. I mean, especially now and today where, with the internet, I feel like you never know what you're going to get when you say something.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:And there's always going to be somebody who has a different opinion. That's the beauty of being human. But it can be frustrating and that doesn't mean that you don't say the thing. That doesn't mean that you don't stand up. Just because somebody might not like it, they don't have to like it.
Speaker 1:That's so true. So with that, I feel like a, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, but there's a lot of what you it's coming from personal experience, a lot of things you do Like so, with self care and advocating for yourself, or those things that you just like always knew, or was it one of those things you're like I'm burnt out, how do I fix this? And then realizing I need to teach other people. It was the latter.
Speaker 2:So definitely going through the whole the entire experience of burnout, finding myself stuck in the mud, essentially, and being like, well, how in the world do I get out of this? So I've, it's definitely my own experience. And then now just hearing again the same experience over and over again another people, the moment somebody says it or you start talking about it, you find that a lot of other people are experiencing the same thing. But for me it was definitely trial and error and figuring it out, figuring out what worked for me and then learning from other people what worked for them, and then building a system where we can share that information with others so that we can either prevent them from ever getting to the point of burnout because that's the intention, we don't want you to ever get there or helping them out of the mud, if that's where they find themselves, so they never have to be there again.
Speaker 1:And I guess you know I'm like thinking about this now. When we talk about burnout for those of you who don't know exactly what that is I feel like it's talked about a lot but we don't like dive into, like how do you know you're experiencing it? You know, because it's one of those things I feel like right now that's I don't want to say you buzzword, because I feel like that's a negative connotation to it. But we're like, oh, if you're experiencing burnout and all these things and I've been burnout, but nobody is like, hey, wait, I think I have burnout and I think I understand what you're talking about and I feel that, but what exactly is it?
Speaker 2:Yes. So burnout if we want to talk about an actual like definition or what's actually involved, there are typically three elements that come with burnout. So there's emotional exhaustion, what's called depersonalization, and then a decreased sense of accomplishment. All of those things essentially equals stress. So burnout is I like to think of it as completely unresolved stress that just builds up over time until it's like a giant stress ball, because burnout is bigger than just like a stressful day or a stressful moment. It's over and over again feeling that stress and never having it resolve. There's a number of symptoms. People experience it differently depending on the person, but we see. What we see typically are the patterns of exhaustion. One that's exhaustion, fatigue, leaving work potentially, and feeling like you also have no energy at home. You sleep you could sleep for 10 hours and you still feel tired, that level of exhaustion, maybe having zero energy to take care of yourself. So you're not going to the gym because you have no motivation or energy to do so. Maybe you're not even feeding yourself that well because the energy that it takes there's a huge component of fatigue, but then it also bleeds into other areas of your life. So for me, one of the big components that I found that kind of pushed me over the edge. Where I was like this is bigger than stress, was that every single day on my way to work I didn't want to go to work. That sometimes happens to people. But to the point where I was crying on my way to work, where every single moment where I thought about work, even when I was off work, I was dreading going to work. To the point where I'm driving on my way to work and I'm wishing that terrible things will happen to me so that I have a reason not to go to work. That's socially acceptable. Those big red flags can happen when we see burnout For parents with parental burnout because there's multiple types of occupational, parental, caregiver, medical, financial but for parents when they start to wish that their kids would disappear. That sounds terrible to say out loud. But when we start to really wish our lives away, that's a big sign Exhaustion, wishing your life away and essentially shutting down isolation.
Speaker 2:A lot of the symptoms of depression are very similar to the symptoms of burnout, because it is a level of stress that has reached a point where you can no longer manage it. You get those feelings of helplessness and being lost. That's a big way to essentially just say that you have zero energy, you're exhausted, you don't feel like yourself anymore. That's the depersonalization is that you don't feel human anymore. You're kind of a hamster stuck on a wheel, an autopilot and that decreased sense of accomplishment. Even when you are trying your hardest at work, it doesn't feel like anything matters. What you're doing matters. You aren't making an impact anymore. I feel that compassion fatigue where you don't even want to take care of people anymore, even though in your heart you are a caregiver. You no longer want to care for people because you have no energy left. Those are some of the bigger signs that we see.
Speaker 1:I love like you did a great job explaining that. A key piece that really stuck out to me because I know it's something that I feel like, at least in America, is very normalized is wishing your life will be. I know I can speak from personal experience with the teaching world and public school is that you're living for breaks. Like you come back from Thanksgiving break and you're counting down the days until Christmas, and then you come back from Christmas and you're counting down the days until summer. Well, like a lot of your life is happening, like that is your life that you're wishing away. Like how quickly can we move through this? I can be done, but in this profession it's normal, like that's what you're supposed to do, but the that's just how it is, and so I love that you you pointed that out like Wishing your life away is a red flag.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then half the time when you're on those breaks, you're thinking about going to work. Mm-hmm, also a concern. So even the moments you're wishing away for the thing that you're trying to get to, when you're in the thing You're trying to get to, you're wishing like you're thinking about the future, you're not even in that moment. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm. And so I just love that you pointed that out because it is something I feel like not even outside of teaching that's very normalized and you know, in our culture here in the States is just wishing for the next thing and Not recognizing because, like we do, and especially in your work that you're doing with caregiver burnout, parental burnout, like just all of it is, it's so normal in our culture, like you're Definitely in a position where you're trying to help people, come up against it because burnout is normal in the States. Yeah, it's expected.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the huge percentage of people that feel this way and it's sort of like oh, you're a parent of a two-year-old, yeah, you're me burnt out. You're a nurse, you're gonna be burnt out. You're your teacher, you're gonna be burnt out. It's sort of just a guarantee yeah, it's such a good point that that's it is so normalized, I mean corporate America.
Speaker 1:You're supposed to be good, working 80 hours a week. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. I know, like other countries like look at us, like what are y'all doing? Like because, it's just normal.
Speaker 2:It's normal, we're teaching it in schools too, like some of my clients with their kids they're my clients are feeling burnt out Because their kids are coming home with so much homework and pressure to like they have to get this done or they're gonna fall behind. Like this has to get done or they're gonna fail, or like there's so much pressure that we're already putting on the kids so young they're learning how to do this, how to hustle and constantly work and feel like you're behind and they're just gonna go into their jobs and do the same pattern of behavior if we keep doing it and even to to your point of like just this the Stemmickness of it is it goes all the way back to perfect attendance award.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like as basic as that, like it's so ingrained in our culture. And how long have those been around? A Very long time, I mean, at least for sure our entire lifetime, like generations. Like we're Teaching kids from kindergarten that it's celebrated if you never take a day off.
Speaker 2:Yep, celebrate it if you're never sick or you never take a sick day. Probably gonna be sick. But yeah, it's like sucking it up and dealing with it is like that's what we want from people when that's not a great life. And a lot of people in this model are spending. Like we live on this linear path that is wild, like it's insane that we've been doing it the same way for so long, where you, you are a kid, you go through school, you go through all of this school, then you go to college, then you go through all that school, you graduate, you get the job, you work and you work and you work, you build a life in the background, but you're living for the retirement Like we're just waiting until we're what? 65, 70 and then we can live.
Speaker 2:And how many people at that point, the moment their body finally gets to relax, their nervous system calms down we see all the time in healthcare that's when everything shuts down because they've been grinding for their whole life. But if we can stop that now and Let you enjoy all of this, not wait, not wish for the next thing, or wait for retirement, or wait for when the kids or whatever age, or wait for when there is a break, if we enjoyed the whole part, at least the little things that we can. There's not, it's not gonna be perfect, but if we can enjoy parts, that's a life. That's when you don't get to a place where you're burnt out because each moment has something in it that you can appreciate, where you know that there's gonna be something in your life that you care about and you love.
Speaker 1:It's when we live to work that it all goes down the drain and and I want to echo that too of just don't beat yourself up. If You're in this conversation with us right now and you're like, wow, I've gotten to this point because, like, as we touched on, we're literally trained from a very young age to function this way, and so if you're like, wow, I'm in this trap and I've just been waiting and you know, I haven't actually really been living my life, I mean, yeah, it's, you've been taught that way by society at large and this is the you know. Take the blinders off moment and you have the awareness. And it's what you do, moving forward from gaining the awareness, exactly and give yourself a whole lot of grace in this process.
Speaker 2:It doesn't like this trying to recover from burnout, trying to heal, trying to get a little bit more present, all of this that we're talking about. This isn't another thing that you're gonna fail at, because that's the thing we can build this up as, like I now, I have to do this right now. I have to relax right now. I have to rest. Right now. I have to not get burned out the correct way this is. That's not how this works. You're gonna mess it up. There's gonna be days and weeks that you are, you are grinding, because that's life and it happens. But the key is that you move forward and you have a new perspective. So you start to notice, you start to change little things. This is not a like change 47 things overnight. We're approaching the season where people are gonna be telling you that one, drop that one too.
Speaker 2:That's another formula for burnout, but it's just starting to notice patterns, starting to notice that Things are happening in your life that are draining you. Okay, what can we do to take something off of your plate? You're think of your life as a plate like that, when it gets so piled up that the plate starts cracking. That's when we have an issue. Start to take little pieces off, start to say no a little bit more, start to build boundaries at work, start to try and take care of yourself, so that that takes some pressure off. Maybe it's the stress that we're relieving, something like that, but we're just taking things off to relieve a little bit of pressure, because life is hard. Being a human is not always fun, but it's a beautiful thing if we can make it that way and and and take some of the pressure off, because there's enough being put on you from everywhere else, mm-hmm into when you start, you know, gaining awareness and saying no more.
Speaker 1:And what can you take off your plate that you actually don't need to do? I want to normalize that. It's okay if People around you are uncomfortable or don't get it because, again, at least you know, speaking culturally to the everybody in the states we have been conditioned as a whole To function this way. So if you're saying no, we've also been conditioned for you know. I mean like the first thing you get is feel like, oh, you're lazy, you're like, no, I just don't want to function like this anymore. And yeah, and it's okay if people don't get it. And you're gonna interact with people in your life. You're gonna have you might have bosses or coworkers or people in your family, like whatever capacity that don't understand it, but that doesn't make you wrong.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. That's a very good point.
Speaker 1:You're gonna have people that don't like it, and that's okay and, honestly, the people who don't like it the most, or because you Over Expending yourself was benefiting them in some way and they're.
Speaker 2:Often it's a reflection for them to they're doing the same thing and if you're advocating for yourself and you're building boundaries, that makes them feel like maybe they have an issue or you're like exposing a wound that they don't want to deal with too. But what you'll find is that as you do it more and more, as you get used to finding your own voice and stepping into your confidence and being able to speak up for yourself or advocate, as you get more empowered, people initially are going to get upset because it's a change, it's new and it's something foreign. It's something new that we, like we talked about earlier. It feels uncomfortable, but the people in your life that are meant to be there, the ones that you that love you Will adjust and then they're just gonna get used to this new version of you, and that's okay. It's just there's gonna be a couple bumps in the road, there's gonna be some hiccups and just conversations. It's an opportunity to have those conversations too, and maybe you're gonna change their lives. That also can happen.
Speaker 1:Was there a time like you experienced this, because I mean you shared openly, like you Experienced burnout, that when you had to start like putting boundaries and figure things out that you had people in your life that Didn't get it?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Yeah, I Saw it most, at least initially, because I had to put boundaries up at work, because I'm sure this again happens in teaching as well. Anytime, any caregiving role, people are constantly pressuring you to do more because there's not what at least that's what we say there's not enough of us, right? So there's a shortage and so we need help, and there's a lot of guilt that's used as a tool in these professions to get people to Help because there's not enough nurses or there's not enough teachers, and so that was a big one for me initially, when I realized I was burnt out, was starting to say no to extra shifts or no to switching shifts when I was trying to protect time for myself or things like that.
Speaker 2:Lots of pushback, lots of feelings, especially as a new earners. It was sort of this implication that I wasn't allowed to be burnt out yet or I wasn't worthy of being tired yet because I hadn't been doing it long enough. That's another reminder for you. Is that, listening to me as a nurse or listening to a teacher, it's very common for people to put it in their brains like, oh, I don't have it that bad, so I can't be burnt out right, like there's no level of Experience that is okay to be burnt out at. You can be burnt out just being a human in this life. It can be hard, but I felt that with other nurses when I left the ICU and moved into an outpatient setting lots of judgment there, too, lots of feelings about that, because I Wasn't serving the way that other people thought that I should. But it was definitely Sticking to those feelings and having the support system around me that did understand that Understood that I was a better human when I wasn't working I shift, when I wasn't getting the life sucked out of me every single day, when I was in a season where I could figure out what was right for me. Those people supported me and I got through the feeling of other people not supporting the situation and, honestly, all those people the ones that were Kind of against what I was doing they are on my side now because they're experiencing something similar and that's often what it is like.
Speaker 2:We said. It's a reflection of what other people are going through or it's an expectation of who you were before. You used to always pick up extra shifts, so why are you not doing it now? It's just a change and you'll go through that, but you need to. Like we've said at the beginning, we can circle right back. You have to come first, because you are no good to anyone. You can't take care of people the way that you want to if you put yourself last forever. That's how you become the patient, that's how you become the person needing care given to is that you don't take care of yourself.
Speaker 1:That is so true. And then all this whole conversation is so interconnected and I can see, even from my personal experience outside of teaching just you set boundaries and protect your time with family. I went through this because I experienced burnout around the same. It was 2019, 2020. I mean, if you were a teacher or anything like I always need to, it just sped up the process of what was already going to be there. Just, really, there was nowhere to hide it anymore, so you just had to face it.
Speaker 1:But one of the things I did was had to create more time for myself to just be, and I couldn't change my job and I couldn't change positions. At the time it was in the middle of the year, so I was like, okay, what can I control? Well, I can control what I do outside of work and showing up for other people, and so when my family very spontaneous, I like structure and order and I know somebody needs to hear this because a lot of people have spontaneous family members and if you're not like that and you're the black sheep in that way, it's okay, but I would drop what I was doing. They call hey, we're gonna get together and play cards or go get dinner, do you wanna come? And I'm like in the middle of something, but I'm like, okay, sure I'll go I'll come back to this later and I thought, no, I need to protect my time.
Speaker 1:And so then I would say no, and I implemented this season of my life where I had this boundary of I need 48 to 72 hours notice if you want me to do something.
Speaker 1:If you wanna have dinner, you wanna have family get together, whatever you need my help with something Like I mean obviously not like your car's broken down on the highway. You know like you wanna do something at your house. You know like you plan ahead for it, like I need 48 to 72 hours notice. And there was pushback for a while because I changed the rules and I did go through a time where you know I had family members come to me and be like, well, I just feel like it's weird, I have to schedule time with you and I'm like, well, this is what I need. This has nothing to do with you, this is a me right now thing, and so I just I really felt like sharing that of you can kind of experience it anywhere and if you're in a position where you're really feeling burnt out in your job and in your career and you're not at a place where you could pivot within, or you know you really need out control what you can control in the meantime.
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely Like that. You can set boundaries in places that aren't work If you don't feel like you can set them at work yet, or wherever the source of stress is, because there's multiple. Like same thing with family For me. I like to live a little bit farther away from my family, realize that one which my family doesn't love, because they wanna see me all the time, because they love me, and I get that. But our relationship is better when I'm a little bit farther and we have that, and family especially.
Speaker 2:It's like a safe place typically that we can start to set boundaries, but they know us the best and so they are the ones that can often push back the most. But it's a great place, it's a safe place and in certain relationships, same thing, a safe place to start practicing. And that's, I think, what you can look forward to is are safe places to start to have the conversations, to speak up for yourself, to set the boundaries, Because you'll build that muscle up so that in the places that feel scarier to do this, it gets a little easier. Even the safe places can feel uncomfortable doing this, absolutely. But if we start in safer places, the ones that we're scared about get a little easier too.
Speaker 1:It is like and then when you come up to a situation where you get like a lot of pushback from somebody, or you come to a bazaar like I'm not taking an extra shift, it's not happening and you know they're gonna react poorly, but you've built in enough reps with people who are safe and you're confident of that. That's not gonna affect you. Not that it makes it not uncomfortable, because I feel like we've really iterated the fact that it doesn't have a really ever get comfortable setting boundaries with people. You just like their reactions.
Speaker 1:I feel like, in my experience, just don't bother you as much. I'm like that's a you thing. This is a you like. Circling back to it's a reflection of them, either something they think they can't have and they want, or just poking at a wound they don't wanna deal with. And so then it doesn't bother me as much. You're like okay, that's a you thing, not a me thing. I'm good, but I didn't start off that way. I was not about to. I'm sure you weren't just gonna go up to the first person like no, I'm not doing that Like, and like super confident, like I don't care what you say, like my drop by piece. You're like no.
Speaker 2:No, absolutely not. It's a whole journey building that muscle and putting the reps in it never. It doesn't typically feel good, like you said, but I think what it goes back to is it will get easier, exactly like you said, in some way, like you just get a little bit more used to it. But also, every time you face this choice cause this is what it is each time it's a choice between violating a boundary or not, putting it up or just living like you either put up the boundaries or you live your life based on other people's terms. And that is where we get to the end and feel like we wasted our time or that we didn't actually do the things that we cared about, because you're just living based on somebody else's their boundaries and their rules, because they have their own boundaries. Theirs are just different than yours and that's what you're currently living by or somebody else's. So each time you face this choice, you're essentially choosing between yourself or somebody else.
Speaker 2:I want you to just practice choosing yourself a whole lot more, and that's gonna get easier and the people in your life are gonna get more understanding. It's not selfish in the bad way. This is a selfless act because you become a better person every single time that you do this, where you put yourself first because you are better for others. So we're just gonna keep going back to that, because that's what it is. It's a choice every time between you or somebody else. And it's your life. It really is, and you get one shot. So this is the chance to make this life what you want Right now. If you keep saying yes to everyone else, you're constantly saying no to you. I want you to say yes to you at least a little bit more than you currently are.
Speaker 1:That was just the perfect reminder and ending point for somebody who needed that, like I know. Like, yes, like, play that back, push like as many times as you need just that little confidence boost there. And I wanna be mindful of your time. So I do have two more questions I ask every guest on this podcast. The first one is that it's the have God Asked you podcast. So for you, what does have the audacity mean?
Speaker 2:I think it means have the bravery or the boldness I think those two things come to mind like to live a life that maybe doesn't make sense to other people, but make sense to you.
Speaker 1:I love that. And then the next one is you know how some podcasts have like Spotify playlists of like pump up jams and all the things. Well, I have the audacity, also on a mission to normalize that self care looks different for everybody, and so I have a self care document of every guest who's ever been on what their go to self care is. So what is your go to? Non-negotiable self care?
Speaker 2:Mine is movement in some capacity, so this doesn't mean going to the gym all the time like love that love lifting heavy weights, but for me, whenever I'm at a point where I'm stressed or my mental health is not where it should be, moving my body in some capacity always makes it better, whether that's just going for a walk. That's when I have the best conversations. It's when I process the most. When my body is in motion, my mind works through things, so movement in some way is my favorite thing.
Speaker 1:I love that and just in normalizing it doesn't have to be some big workout Like just go do something is so good, and not making it have to be something huge to be self care yeah it can be small.
Speaker 2:That's what we said today too. Small things, big impacts.
Speaker 1:That's so true. Well, Ashley, if listeners listening, how can I connect with you?
Speaker 2:You can follow me over on Instagram. I'm also on Facebook at the same thing, but at Ashley O Show and then on the podcast. You can find me anywhere. Listen to podcasts, and it's the Ashley O Show that is perfect and I'm always connected to you.
Speaker 1:I encourage you to go follow Ashley. She's amazing and if you're feeling like this is something you need support on or should connect with Ashley Like yes, please send me a message, we'll chat, we can jump on a call, like whatever you need. Well, Ashley, thank you so much again for hopping on the show and having this conversation. I know it was what somebody needed here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you so much for having me. I loved this conversation.
Speaker 1:I hope that you love this conversation and I know Ashley and I would both love to hear your takeaways and connect with you and hear what resonated with you and the next step you're taking. What's the small step you're taking to put yourself first and if you're like JC, I put myself first already Okay, well, what's one small change for you to do that even more? I know we would both love to hear what resonated with you and I have linked all everything to get in Ashley's world in the show notes and, like we talked about in the final question, you know that I have created a PDF document of every single guest that has been on the show and it's a growing document and it has every single self care go to self care that every guest has had, and so if that's something you're interested in, you're like I need ideas. What could this look like? Click the link in the show notes, it'll be sent straight to your inbox and it'll put you on a list. At any time there's an update to the list, there's a new guest on the show and there's an update, that you'll get the updated version sent directly to your inbox, and that's my gift to you and keeping you in the know of what's happening with the podcast, but it's one of the coolest documents and it's so unique and I'm so glad that I had an opportunity to create it for you.
Speaker 1:And while we're on things, you know I've talked a lot about lately that I'm in this season of unapologetically asking for what I want, and that is, I would love for you, even if this is your first episode, to take a few moments and leave a review on Apple podcast or Spotify, wherever you listen to your podcast. Leave a review of the show, give it a five star rating, leave a review. Why would somebody want to listen to it? Why do you love to listen to it? It takes 30 seconds and if you've already left a review, then I want you right now to send this episode to somebody you know would hear it Maybe there's a co-worker that's coming to mind. That's like hey, share the link with them to this episode and just say hey, I heard this today and I thought it'd be something you'd like. It's that simple and it does so much for me. It means so much to me that you that this show resonated enough with you that you want to share it with others and continue this conversation in your own world, because that's how really changed happens.
Speaker 1:Ashley and I both talked about that in our conversation with you today, about how, you know, any big movement that's happened in life started by people taking small actions and people having conversations, and that's how it starts, and so I want to thank you for leaving a review.
Speaker 1:Sharing this with a friend, having conversation, taking a small action for yourself that's where change happens, and so thank you so much for that. Now you know, I can't let you leave without reminding you that I want you to always remember that you are worthy, you have value, you get to take up space in this world simply because you exist. Don't let anyone, including yourself, convince you otherwise, and if that idea or vision for your life is in you, it is for you. I'm rooting for you and I can't wait to talk to you soon. Thank you so much for listening. If you love this episode, I would love to hear from you, so share it on Instagram and tag me so I can personally thank you for getting this message out. I'm so grateful to have you on this journey with me, so until next time, remember to have the audacity.