Live Your Extraordinary Life With Michelle Rios

Mastering the Art of Authenticity with Terry Yoffe

• Michelle Rios • Episode 48

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When Terry Yoffe steps into the room, you can't help but feel the electric charge of  wisdom that she carries. As the host of the Extraordinary Work podcast, a beacon in the coaching world,  and a former president of the International Federation of Coaching of  New York,  Terry shares her personal  journey of self-discovery—where the search for inner joy trumps the pursuit of profit and where every setback is merely a setup for a grand comeback. Her stories are a vibrant reminder that the path to an extraordinary life is paved with the bricks of resilience, learning, and authentic connection.

Terry reminds us that life's unexpected detours often lead us to our most fulfilling destinations. This episode is no exception as we share personal transformations, from navigating failed relationships to career crossroads, with the indomitable spirit of human resilience at our core. Terry's career evolution from fashion and sales  to coaching is a masterclass in leveraging 'bankable nuggets' of experiences into a renewed sense of purpose. And, our discussion around personal growth includes  serendipitous love, and the essential role of vulnerability in crafting deep relationships, and an intimate account of the strength and love that can shape our later years.

As you tune into our conversation, prepare to be inspired by the wisdom that comes with life's seasons and transitions. Terry, who defies what it means to be a senior in today's world, exemplifies how living with purpose has fueled her with the energy, curiosity and vigor of someone half her age.   Whether you're experiencing the fervor of your twenties or the reflective wisdom of your fifties, sixties, seventies, or beyond, this episode promises insights into navigating the waters of change with authenticity and courage. Terry's life lessons underscore the transformative power of embracing your unique journey, at any age. So, make yourself comfortable and let this episode on reinvention, resilience, and love accompany you on your own extraordinary path.

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Speaker 1:

Your twenties are a time of exploring. It can be having 10 jobs. Nobody is going to fault you for finding out what life is about. Explore. Don't go to one job and stay there 10 years, unless it's something magnanimous. Don't be hard on yourself. It's not about the money in that timeframe. It's about finding you and finding what you love to do, and that takes time.

Speaker 2:

Hi, I'm Michelle Rios, host of the Live your Extraordinary Life podcast. This podcast is built on the premise that life is meant to be joyful, but far too often we settle for less. So if you've ever thought that something is missing from your life, that you were meant for more, or you simply want to experience more joy in the everyday, than this podcast is for you. Each week, I'll bring you captivating personal stories, transformative life lessons and juicy conversations on living life to the fullest, with the hope to inspire you to create a life you love on your terms, with authenticity, purpose and connection. Together, we'll explore what it means to live an extraordinary life, the things that hold us back and the steps we all can take to start living our best lives. So come along for the journey. It's never too late to get started, and the world needs your light.

Speaker 2:

Hello everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of the Live your Extraordinary Life podcast. I am your host, Michelle Rios, and I am so thrilled to introduce you to my friend, Terry Yaffe, who happens to be a coach extraordinaire with a very, very full life of experience and just a wonderful person that's going to be able to talk to us about all the things she's done and all the things she's still doing. Talk about extraordinary. Without further ado, Terry, welcome to the show.

Speaker 1:

Oh goodness, Thank you, Michelle. What an introduction. I don't know where we go from here. That was amazing.

Speaker 2:

Well, a lot of people may not know, Terry is not only a coach, but she was the president of the International Federation of Coaching yes, in my New York area, right, and that's such a prestigious position because it really holds the highest standards for coaching. So, in terms of not only her own coaching experience but her ability to hold high standards for other coaches in this profession, Terry's been at the top of the helm, leading the way, and she is still coaching. I say still coaching because, as I'm going to tease her about, Terry might be a wee bit older than me. We could be sisters, but we're not.

Speaker 2:

Not only is she still coaching, she is the head, the host of a podcast called Extraordinary Work, and she is bringing the best and brightest minds together to talk about their experiences in the workplace, their experiences in life, how things have unfolded, and it really is an inspiring conversation that she's having. And again, she's doing it at a time with a lot of people her age have just decided to pick up pickleball or go play cards or sit on the sofa and do a crossword which, by the way, I do love to do, so nothing knocking the crosswords, and yet Terry is one of the most fierce competitive, ambitious women. I know what gives Terry. How do you have so much energy still Like what's going on?

Speaker 1:

Energy at different levels of life. I just find it. It's like within me partly. I look around and I think being much older. If I want to stay doing what I'm doing coaching, podcasting and who knows next year I have to find that energy. I have to dig deep for it and the coaching and the podcasting actually bring me energy. Yeah, yeah, they inspire me because the alternative would be for me to do exactly what you said retire. I am beyond the retiring age and I look at all my friends and people that I know and they're all retired. They're all doing one, two or three things and I don't get inspired by that.

Speaker 2:

Now I think Terry's friend circle probably has age range of about 40 years swing. She kings out with the young kids too, and it's amazing. I really just an awe One thing for our listeners, because I know you won't be able to see Terry over the audio. But not only is she still incredibly energetic and she's full of life and vitality, she happens to be one of the most beautiful and stylish women I have ever met, and that's saying a lot because I'm a bit of a fashionista. This woman, brutally, is just right out of a magazine. That's what you would imagine a New York vogue girl to be, and she is it. I mean just absolutely gorgeous inside and out.

Speaker 1:

Well, thank you so much. It really means a lot to me. I have found that knowing you and knowing other people of your age range does keep me young it does. I love being inspired by what you all are doing today and I think I get a lot of my energy and my inspiration truly from being with you and others that are like you in what you're all doing.

Speaker 2:

Well, we love you and we're so glad that you're here with us, keeping us honest, mixing it up in our CLS group every now and then. I'm going to start, Terry, with a question that I ask all my guests on the show, and that is what does it mean to you to live your extraordinary life?

Speaker 1:

For me, it's very simple A finally knowing who I am and being comfortable with who I am, and finding the peace within myself that I never, ever had. That is probably the most extraordinary thing that I have come to in my life.

Speaker 2:

I love that, I mean. I think, when you can wake up every day and feel peace, deep peace, that what you're doing matters and that you feel good about who you are in your own skin. That is an extraordinary feeling that most people don't experience, sadly.

Speaker 1:

That is true. I didn't grow up having peace, having more turmoil within me, going out in the world of working and being in the fashion industry or being in whatever, and looking great, looking wonderful. But the inside did not match the outside.

Speaker 2:

I can understand that. Tell us a little bit about your journey, because it's not a conventional journey by any means. I think that's what makes it really interesting and extraordinary, anyway is that those people that are really making a mark on the world usually are blazing new trails. So tell us a little bit about where you started like. Where did you grow up and how did it come to be that here you are, all these years later a phenomenal coach, very established, well-known, referrals-only kind of gal, beautiful, a competitive podcast that's out there inspiring thousands of people around career and life. Where did it all start, terry?

Speaker 1:

I grew up in a suburb of New York called Queens. Life was not easy. It was my parents meant well but didn't do well. It was not a happy home and I stuttered and never felt like I belonged there. It was something inside of me that I don't know. I just felt uncomfortable there in my own skin, went off to college and didn't do well. I was obviously very depressed and started working in Long Island City. I got engaged to a guy that I thought he would be the only person that would ever love me and we were together a very long time. He broke off the wedding date not too soon before the wedding.

Speaker 2:

Like right before the wedding A couple of weeks?

Speaker 1:

yes, not far. I was devastated. Here's somebody that already had a very precarious self-image fragile and what surprised me was I took the money and went off to Europe for the summer.

Speaker 2:

Oh, I love that Independent woman. He says I will not be brought down. I will enjoy this thoroughly. I didn't know it.

Speaker 1:

Good for you, I didn't know it at the time.

Speaker 2:

But how did you pick yourself up? I can imagine that felt like such a sucker punch to the gut.

Speaker 1:

It was, and I don't know. Honestly, I think there is a force, a belief, a whatever within me and that's what I was trying to say that always pushed me, and I don't know how it happened. A friend of mine had friends that were going to Europe. I just said I'm going, I took my monies and I went for two months, other than going to camp, I had never been away. How old were you? Were you in your 20s? Yes, in my 20s, and it was like a little door open. I loved it. However, when I came back, we started seeing each other again.

Speaker 2:

Oh, no, I know this story. Yeah, exactly, all too well, yeah, and it went on and wait how long before you realized you needed to cut the dead weight loose?

Speaker 1:

A while to cut bait and run. It happened, which was one of the trajectories that changed my life. A friend of mine had an apartment in the city and called me and said I have an opening. Before she finished I said I'm there, I'm coming. That was one of the first, other than going to Europe, that was the second trajectory for me. Then into the city, get away from my parents, found an incredible therapist because I realized I needed one.

Speaker 2:

That's amazing because, let's be honest, back then there was a lot of judgment about mental health and our well-being. It's not like it is today. It was really different then, certainly different when I was in my 20s. So I'm going to venture a guess it was just as tough, if not worse, back then. So brave of you to just do it anyway.

Speaker 1:

Some voice. I needed it.

Speaker 2:

I realized look, I think everybody needs it. I think everybody coming in should hear here's your instruction manual for life and here's the number of a good therapist.

Speaker 1:

A friend of mine got me the name of this guy and he was amazing. When we first spoke he said I think you should come three times a week. I walked out of his office and thought, oh my God, there couldn't be anything worse than hearing you have to go to therapy three times a week. It was like and he was a psychiatrist, not just a therapist Through part of starting this process, I was with him, I think seven years on a couch. It helped me to let go of this guy and finally I said we're done, it's over and living in the city, meeting all the challenges, going to therapy three times a week, starting to chip away at the walls that I had built to keep me from hurting because I was a very sensitive child. When you're a sensitive child, you're very vulnerable and I got hurt a lot.

Speaker 2:

Were you sensitive or was it that there was some trauma growing up? And if you're not feeling like you belong, is that really? I asked as the oldest of three because I don't know that I'm sensitive. Maybe my family would be disagreeing with this right now, but I would say things that happened certainly made me feel at times like I didn't belong and that alters how you show up. Do you think a lot of it was like? We all grow up with childhood trauma of one kind or another? Do you think a lot of it was that?

Speaker 1:

I grew up with a father that was not around, so I have no idea who he was. He was just there. My mother was narcissistic, although she was inspiring because she worked and every Saturday she'd take us to the theater and lunch. She tried her best, but there was something missing in the house. It was there, but there was some superficiality.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it sounds like emotional connection that we all aspire to have wasn't really present with your parents. That then it's difficult for them to extend it to you all.

Speaker 1:

I didn't have much self-confidence. I didn't feel good about myself, even though I showed it, because I grew up in a family of narcissists.

Speaker 2:

Where's your mom? Hard on you that way and how you looked and your parents and you got a stutter.

Speaker 1:

Partly, yes, and it was her way or the highway in a lot of ways. And I was a goody two shoes. You know, people pleaser, my mother pleaser, but I was very sensitive to people. I had a friend that couldn't hear. Well, not many people wanted to befriend her. I did Situations. You know kids can be tough and I got hurt a lot and in working through therapy and I remember in the beginning of therapy my doctor just sat there and I said to him how come you're not telling me what to do? And he said if I tell you what to do now, you won't be able to handle yourself in other situations. And he didn't Get therapist and it took years on his couch crying for me to start to get in touch with who I was. And I started finding jobs where I was acknowledged and I did well and I slowly but surely started to find myself, who I was, what was important to me, and over the years I developed more self-confidence and I was always in the public eye. That's the irony.

Speaker 2:

Tell me about that, because you did fashion shows. You were in the fashion shows.

Speaker 1:

I wasn't in them, I narrated them. Oh, I wasn't in them.

Speaker 2:

If you could have been in them. You're gorgeous. Thank you, right, let's stop back for a minute. You had to overcome a childhood stutter and here you are in the public eye narrating fashion shows in New York.

Speaker 1:

Actually, the stuttering started to leave. So it was gone by then and I got accolades, I did presentations and then I went into my own business for a short time. And what was that business? Those called teriyaki enterprises, where I had clients that I did whatever I needed to do for them. So one of the things is no matter.

Speaker 1:

I got fired a few times from jobs and a door would always open because if something came up, I never said no. I jumped on any platform that showed up because I needed to make money to live in the city. By then I had my own apartment support myself. So I learned early on to never turn away, even if I didn't know what I was getting into. I said okay, and I was in all kinds of different things and it served me well because I managed. There was a point I had to sell some jewelry because I needed the money. Right, you needed to do Right. And then, ironically, as I got older, I met my future husband. I had the opportunity to go work at women's wear daily. Never had any sales experience, never. She hired me because I knew fashion. I said okay, I'm there. And that was another turning point for me, because that was another trajectory that took me on to women's wear, and then Condé Nast, where I spent 11 years.

Speaker 2:

So I want to just go back for a minute, because you were going from failed engagement three times a week on the psychiatrist sofa couch and then some failed job experiences, and that not only did not hold you back, it catapulted you forward. I love the fact that for you, failure certainly wasn't fatal, but I think for a lot of people who are sensitive or high performers and perfectionists it's very difficult to recover. It takes a long time to recover from a blow like a failed engagement, like having to go through and do the work of therapy because you start to judge yourself or the failed job experiences. I think it holds some people back, even if they're super talented. So kudos to you first of all for moving through it and having the resilience to use it as a springboard to really have a phenomenal career that I don't think you imagined it was going to be what it turned out to be. Is that the case?

Speaker 1:

Not at all. If I had a crystal ball, I would never, ever, have thought that because I don't know, I can't answer. I just know there was something inside of me that kept pushing me forward, that didn't allow me to sit back and cry and give up, roll up in a ball on the sofa or on the floor. Even though it was painful, I kept moving forward and I was at women's wear for three years. I took a $600,000 territory to a million three, and what it turned out to be? People liked working with me. I was trustworthy, I was honest, charismatic, yeah, and did very, very well. And then it became clear that they weren't going to be paying me because a lot of it was on commission, and I said, yeah, I am not going there, and then you don't have to get trials.

Speaker 1:

A door opened. I was at a luncheon and a woman that had just started working at the New Yorker sat next to me and, before I knew it, she called me and said you want to come work for me at the New Yorker, which Kandinez had then bought? I said okay and I left there to go to the New Yorker. Unbeknownst to me, the woman who I'd be working was a maniac and a disaster, and I started working there. At that point you couldn't sell fashion into the New Yorker magazine and for some reason she turned on me.

Speaker 2:

Oh no.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and my husband kept saying leave, go. What do you have to put up with this? I said because I didn't do anything wrong, I'm not going to walk away. And without my knowing they put me on probation because of her, not me. Then she and I had an out and out fight and they moved me from fashion into travel area, which proved to be the best thing that could have happened, because I was hugely successful, hugely. I took the New Yorker to the number one category in travel within the company. They let her go because they realized who she was, and I went on to stay there for quite a while until I then moved to Bon Appetit, which was another magazine.

Speaker 1:

I remember it? Wow, yeah. I stayed there and I began to get restless and my husband kept telling me start your own rep company, start your rep company, go off on your own. And it became a time where I said it was time and I started putting feelers out and I got a few people that were willing to hire me as a outside sales rep and I left. It's like I got in the rowboat and started to leave the shore of what I knew for a long, long time having an income, making very good money, the golden handcuffs, as you can relate to, not knowing where I was headed but nonetheless, there I went in my little rowboat to find a new shore for myself. It took us, but I wanted to play in my own sandbox. I wanted to have control over what I did and my own business became very successful because people hired me because of my reputation and because they knew who I was. So that shift wasn't as difficult as my next shift.

Speaker 2:

Tell us about that, tell us about what happened.

Speaker 1:

I'm assuming this is how you got into the coaching arena, exactly so at one point, the landscape for where I was playing started to dry up. I had no idea what I was going to do. None Didn't know where I was going to go and I started. I was always the well-known networker, I was extraordinary networking, and that's what I did. I went out, I spoke to people. I had no clue, none and I thought I would go back to school and become a therapist.

Speaker 2:

Ah, interesting However.

Speaker 1:

I had a two-year degree with credits towards my four-year, which I never finished. So I would have had to go back to school and it would have taken a long time. Somehow, somewhere, I stumbled upon this thing called coaching, which was 20 years ago, and I said, oh, isn't that interesting because and what it was based on was all my years of therapy and understanding my own mind, the mind everyone's got the same one, it's just done. Everyone presents it differently. And I thought, oh, okay, so at that point I had gone from being at the apex, as I say, to going to the basement. So I the start over, right, exactly Exactly.

Speaker 1:

I found a coaching school. I went to the school, I got a certificate in coaching. I was still doing sales, but I didn't have a day job. In a way, don't leave your day job. And then I decided to go for certification, to become a certified coach, not just a certificate coach. That was a six-month ordeal of really working and studying, and here I was much older and practicing, right exactly. And took the exam, both the oral and the written, nervous his health for the oral, and passed and got my certification. At that point I joined the ICF New York City chapter, which was the second largest chapter in the constellation, and worked my way up from secretary to president of the chapter. And as well, I was a member of an organization called ONI Advertising Women of New York, which is now called Something Else, and helped co-founder their mentoring program and became chair of the mentoring program. Fantastic, and there I was, and not 30 years old. I was well into middle age when my life started.

Speaker 2:

You're completely reinvented.

Speaker 1:

That's exactly. I say that the first X years of my life were my growing years, were my doing the work on myself, so I could take the remaining years of my life to doing what I love to do and realizing that was creating change.

Speaker 2:

Let's talk about what you're most proud of out of all of it. There's a lot happening, and there's a lot that's happened and there's a lot still happening. So, across the longevity of your life, what is the thing that stands out to you as I'm most proud of? This moment or this experience?

Speaker 1:

I can honestly say I'm most proud of the fact that I could actually sit here with you and tell you my story. I'm proud of who I become, of what I had to go through and that I went through it. I put the work in. Believe me, there were times I'd be home crying, but I always got up, I always did what I needed to do. I don't know where the grit, the perseverance I think my mother had that to live the life she lived and to go to work every day. She was the breadwinner and dragged herself home and on Saturdays, to make sure that the three of us my sister, myself and my mom went out. We are related to the Schubert's, so we got to go to the theater every Saturday and that was our outing. We took us shopping, we went to lunch and we went to the theater. She tried her best.

Speaker 2:

I have to say cue to us, to your mom, because it was probably. I think a lot of women listening Men can think about women in their life in the past, or even maybe cousins, who were in situations where they weren't getting the support they needed from their spouse and they were carrying the lion's share of raising a family and providing and going through life pretty much alone on their own. That has to have created a hardness in your mom. Yet she was able to recognize the importance of giving you and your sister an out and escape on Saturdays. I think that's so special. Nobody's perfect. I know there's probably lots of issues there, but still she didn't probably get what she needed.

Speaker 1:

No, not at all.

Speaker 2:

And still found a way to provide some sense of stability and fun for you and your sister. Well, I wouldn't say fun but it was an escape.

Speaker 1:

You're right, she tried her very best.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, okay. You've been married now 40 years. Right Once we got rid of the guy that needed to leave, you found the man of your dreams. Tell me about how you and your husband met.

Speaker 1:

Oh, it's very funny and interesting. I had a dear friend I had. She passed away a couple of years ago, but my friend, I don't want to really use names. We knew each other for years. We actually met working as salespeople at Bloomingdale's years ago and we became very friendly. She married a guy whose sister was married to my husband at the time.

Speaker 2:

This, we're getting jiffy. Okay, everybody listening to this. Thaga right, I'm intrigued.

Speaker 1:

And for years I heard about my husband's name is Matt, about Matt and his family and his kids for years, years and years. So I knew a lot about them. I think I had met him twice, In its Sue's wedding, one at my friend's son's first birthday party.

Speaker 2:

So fast forward. But I'm just curious in these happenstance meetings did you happen to notice that Matt was an attractive gentleman, or did you just, kind of like, discount it because he's with somebody else having another life? You care Right exactly Okay.

Speaker 1:

So Matt and his wife got separated. He moved to California with his family. They got separated and Matt moved back to New York. My friend said oh Matt, why don't you call my friend Terry? She's still single, maybe she can help you find an apartment, whatever. So we connected and we started dating. Then we broke up for a while and we got back together, moved in together and got married. So that's the story of Matt and he has three daughters, wonderful women today who have children. So other very full life.

Speaker 2:

How many grandchildren do you guys enjoy?

Speaker 1:

We have four. One lives in Norway. He has some issues but the other three grown. I mean, they're not teenagers, they're not babies anymore. But it was not having had any of my own children. I knew these little guys since they were born and, as I said, if I would have looked back, I never thought I would have this kind of a life. What I do professionally and personally, never in 20 million years could I have ever thought that I would have a wonderful, wonderful family of people.

Speaker 2:

I love how this ends. So you ended up becoming a stepmom to these girls and I'm assuming they were pretty young. They were young yes.

Speaker 2:

Got to really be part of their lives, as grew up with an extraordinary experience. And let me just say, even though she's more like my sister, if I were to pick a mom, I'd pick Terry, because she is like the coincidental Jewish mom she would take good care of you, keep your toes to the pavement, keep you accountable, but also incredibly loving and caring. So I can just imagine you were tremendous force to be reckoned with and their lives were better for it, right?

Speaker 1:

That is true. And even to this day, my husband, when I say, oh, I'm going to become a coach, he kind of rolls his eyes. Okay, I'm going to become a podcaster. Okay, you know, he doesn't know what's coming next.

Speaker 2:

But he's co-pilot, he is involved in the podcast, right? I mean, he did not shy away from you getting involved.

Speaker 1:

No, much to his dismay, he is involved in the podcast.

Speaker 2:

My husband is too Okay. So let me ask you now, when you think back on all the experiences of real life, including today, what advice do you have? First of all, starting out, the younger folks that are listening, the 20-somethings that think they're going to live forever number one and probably living a lot of angst, because, as much as we want to say the 20s are so fabulous, we actually know that the 20s are when people probably suffer the biggest identity crisis of their time right?

Speaker 1:

Exactly, I agree. I would, and I do, tell not only my grandchildren, but I would tell people. Your 20s are a time of exploring. It can be having 10 jobs. Nobody is going to fault you for finding out what life is about. Explore. Don't go to one job and stay there 10 years, unless it's something magnanimous. Don't be hard on yourself. It's not about the money in that timeframe. It's about finding you and finding what you love to do, and that takes time. You know they've been in the academia and room for so long that now they're facing the real world. Today it's more complicated than it ever was. The business landscape is very different, so don't be hard on yourself. You're not going to make a million dollars in your 20s unless you happen to be some extraordinary individual.

Speaker 2:

Well, and I think there is this false notion that 30 is old. So when you're in your 20s there's a race to become something right. 30, like that feels like a date that you have to. Before that happens, you just need to become it. And it's so funny because then you get to 40 and you're like, oh yeah, that was all just trying things on. What's the Carl Jung quote that I love. Everything before 40 is just research, people, right, I love that.

Speaker 1:

I saw that. I love that. Yes, that's true For me.

Speaker 2:

it was, I think, for most people right, like you think that you've arrived and you're like right, no, hold Straight on the pillow, exactly, exactly, and don't be hard on yourself.

Speaker 1:

And even at 30, 10 years, you will have come a long way. I haven't had clients that are shifting gears, even at 50, they're shifting gears, be nice.

Speaker 2:

Even at 50, we're going to say at 50, with a big smile on our face Is your advice to those 50-somethings, 40-somethings and 50-somethings a little different, it's a different stage. Absolutely, what's your advice to those of us that may be of that generation?

Speaker 1:

You know, when I said about going into coaching, starting over, it's not really starting over because you come with a toolkit of so much experience and expertise. All it is is taking that and moving it somewhere else. And I did that in coaching, even in podcasting. When I was at the president of the ICF New York Chapter, we had a TV show. I would interview people Fabulous, I love that you know almost every week. So I already knew something about interviewing. And so we forget about what I call bankable nuggets that are in the bank that we can go back and pull from our experiences, our expertise. So nobody at 40, 50, whatever is really starting over. They are venturing into a new situation.

Speaker 2:

And I do think there is this sense of but I've invested so much time into whatever this career, these kids, this marriage and you see people clinging to the shore that no longer fits them, the kind of miserable, and they're excited and interested in trying to do something new, but they're terrified of leaving the security of the known shore. And I think that you're saying is don't be afraid to reinvent, You're not going to start over from scratch. You're bringing all the experience you already have and who knows, it might just be even better than you ever thought 100%.

Speaker 1:

However, it takes courage, it takes perseverance to dig deep and pull up a lot of that to say I'm not happy in my personal life, professional life. However, I can't afford to leave because I can't afford not to have money. There are those circumstances that people don't do that and people get scared when they think of change. As you know, you talk about it on your podcast, I talk about it on mine that even with my clients, what it takes for someone to make the shift, to take that leap, is not easy. Yet there are those that do it and those that don't. And those that do it kudos and great, because there is something better. And it also puts us in a very vulnerable position on a lot of times and people have a fear of vulnerability. When you grown up like you might have been, I did and you see the sensitivity as being vulnerable, you want to shy away. Except the difference is when you're young, you don't have the armor that you have as you are older.

Speaker 2:

So true, I was much harder a person like, had a harder shell exterior protect myself in my twenties that needed to be chipped away. Then I do. Now, at this stage of the game, I am very comfortable, as you know, being vulnerable, because I do think that one of the most extraordinary experiences that we can have as a human being is to say here are my cards, I'm not hiding anything. There's really nothing that I've done or have experienced that I. That's off the table for conversation because it's an opportunity to connect, and I do think that the whole point of why we go through this human experience is to experience connection, love and all the forms.

Speaker 2:

You know the ups and the downs, and so this notion that we should hide parts of ourself, not show this or not talk about that, has become something of a foreign notion to me. Certainly was exactly how I felt in my teens. In my twenties I didn't want anyone to know anything about what really was my life. You know, I pretended so I could fit in, I could belong, and now I realize like belonging is a state of mind and, quite frankly, I like sticking out. It's a bit more fun, right, that's for sure I agree, I mean absolutely.

Speaker 1:

And you have to get to know and you have to get to the point where it's okay to be vulnerable, where it's okay to show who you are and when you are hiding. You have to kind of do this dance around people. You're thinking what do I say? How do I not give something away? How do I do this or that? And there's no connection.

Speaker 2:

Well, because you're not authentic. You're kind of lying about your life. I mean, you're not outwardly lying, but you've got a mask on. Exactly, you're kind of molding into places. That goes back to our people-pleasing days, right?

Speaker 1:

And there are a lot of people that do that. There are those that are willing to be fierce and courageous and deep, deep for the grit, and there are those that aren't. And I think one of the other things I did, which was another trajectory for me, is I took myself on a Buddhist retreat.

Speaker 2:

Harry Yaffe went on a retreat where there was no speaking Correct. For how long it was?

Speaker 1:

a week.

Speaker 2:

Oh, my goodness, you stopped talking for a full week. Yes, I did.

Speaker 1:

Wow, and and here I was, a New York City sophisticate Got on a plane, on a bus. As we were coming to the place, which was in the San Cristobal Mountains of New Mexico, there was a rainbow and I was one of the lucky ones. I slept in a bus, on a slab with my sleeping bag, with three other women, or two other women who I did not know, and there was solar, heated showers. There was no separate bathroom. You shared a bathroom with other females. It was like all of the hello, how are you? What do you do? All of the things we do in life will like. Drop was rural and you got up at 430 to meditate, which I fell asleep most of the time. You had breakfast, you walk, you had lunch, dinner was a fruit and there were three speakers Joseph Goldstein, jack Kornfeld and Sharon Salzburg.

Speaker 2:

Was this like your version of Eat Pray Love?

Speaker 1:

I don't know, but I did it and I got to understand a bit about the world we live in and the world that's kind of there, and it was one of the most extraordinary experiences I have ever gone through. We came back and it was like what am I doing here? And that was something that that experience shifted in me. A lot about interaction.

Speaker 2:

For sure.

Speaker 1:

Connection. I connected with so many people without talking and one guy had a frontier blanket that he gave to me. He wrapped me in it. Wow, Again another modality I added to my list of things that helped me become who I am today.

Speaker 2:

And we love you so much for who you are and all the things that you are. Tell me what you haven't done, that you still want to do, what is still on your list of things in conquest, my friends, oh goodness.

Speaker 1:

Well, I'm not sure I will do it, but I had started a book a long time ago. I had 40 pages and put it down. That is a possibility. I think next year I really want to do a TED Talk. That's my goal for next year, if I can figure out a topic that would be accepted to them.

Speaker 2:

Are the ideas that spread mantra. That is TED.

Speaker 1:

So that's what I'm thinking. First of all, being in the travel category at the New Yorker and Bon Appetit, I basically traveled the world.

Speaker 2:

What were your favorite places?

Speaker 1:

You've got back then. I liked Singapore, europe. I've been to most of the European countries.

Speaker 2:

Do you have a favorite European destination?

Speaker 1:

I know you're going to laugh. I do like France.

Speaker 2:

I look France.

Speaker 1:

I know.

Speaker 2:

I'm a big France fan, but I still put Italy on the top.

Speaker 1:

I've been to Italy a number of times. I like them all for what they are, so I think I feel very complete. I don't think that, other than living my life being healthy, so important being the kids in the grandchildren's grow up, doing what fills my being with passion.

Speaker 2:

What else? I think you're living an extraordinary life. That's the bottom line In terms of. One of the things that really motivated me to actually start my podcast was a statistic that I found startling. It was 87% of all people, and when they get to the end of life, feel that their biggest regret is they didn't live a life that was true to themselves and they didn't live to their fullest potential. They felt like they settled and worked. They settled in their personal lives. They just never reached their full potential. They never really explored deep love or all the things they just settled. You get to the end of life and nobody says, oh, I regret the things I did, I regret the things they didn't do. To know that you're in that category of the very few that really feels complete, I think, is such a beautiful notion and a gift to all of us of follow your heart. Follow your heart, use your head, but follow your heart.

Speaker 1:

And last year I interviewed a gentleman, michael Clinton wrote the book Roar Into the Second Half of your Life. I actually knew him. He worked at Condé Nast for many years and when he started talking about ageism there's people want to put people in categories depending how old they are, he said. Today, people in their 80s, 90s, 100 are still active in doing things Something shifted in me that I thought okay, I am much older. However, I try not to let that dictate who I am and what I want to achieve, because as long as I am healthy, what can't I do? I can't run a marathon, that's for sure, only because I have issues with my back.

Speaker 1:

But that does not appeal to me in the least by the way, living an extraordinary life is being fulfilled at what you are doing and how you are living, and it's not about, oh, my extraordinary life is the yacht or the 20 story of building, or I have $10 million in the bank. That's not for me what it means. I keep going back because it's an inside job. If you don't feel you have something extraordinary inside of you, you will never see it on the outside.

Speaker 2:

I mean that's the perfect place to wrap. What a beautiful statement on your understanding of living an extraordinary life. I couldn't have said it better myself. It really is an inside job. You've done the work, teri Yaffe, and you are such a shining example to the rest of us to keep going and keep at it and not to give up and to keep reinventing and evolving.

Speaker 2:

And that this experience of life it's not like there's this arbitrary cutoff where you're like, okay, everyone stops growing and learning, let's just veg out and so fun, get old.

Speaker 2:

But rather we're here for what is really a short blink of the eye when you think about the human lifetime right For sure, and it is to experience all the things, the ups and the downs and everything in between. So kind of thinking that we are able to shelter ourselves from fear or discomfort, what have you sort of goes in contrast to what it means to be a human and to feel all the things and to experience all the things. And I think the more people can understand that you can feel the fear and do it anyway, absolutely, you can find your way, even after quote, unquote failure, in fact it can make you stronger, and that you're never too old and you're never too late. Absolutely for sure. Teri, thank you so much for spending time with me today. It has been a beautiful conversation and I am so grateful not only for you sharing your story and your journey, but for your friendship. It means a great deal to me and I just love you to pieces.

Speaker 1:

Oh, I feel the same way. I am so honored to be here with you, michelle. You're a superstar to me. Maybe I'm second, but you was, but there. I love our connection. Lord knows I do. Thank you very much.

Speaker 2:

I think you should say it for posterity purposes and I'm going to record it. Who's your favorite? Michelle Rios or Kelly Siegel? Come on Say.

Speaker 1:

I'm your favorite. You're my favorite on the show.

Speaker 2:

I love you, I love you Take care, thank you. Thank you for listening to today's episode. If you enjoyed this podcast episode, please take a moment to rate and review. If you have recommendations for future topics, please reach out to me at MichelleRiosOfficialcom. Lastly, please consider supporting this podcast by sharing it. Together, we can reach, inspire and positively impact more people. Thank you.

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Michelle Rios

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