Join us for a rollercoaster ride in this episode as we dig into the world of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)! We're not just talking envy and exclusion; we're baring it all with personal stories, from the allure of fancy wine, the loneliness of entrepreneurship, to the nitty-gritty of bodybuilding discipline.
But hold on, it's not all gloom and doom. Ever wondered how carving your own path stacks up against societal norms? We're breaking it down.
At the core of it all is the game-changing concept of "Hell Yes or No." It's our secret sauce for sifting through life's offerings and going after the real gems. We're ditching the mediocre for the extraordinary and spilling the beans on how intentional choices can lead to a life filled with purpose and joy.
As we wrap it up, we're reflecting on the power of intentional choices. Forget FOMO-induced anxiety – we're all about cranking up the joy in paths chosen with intention - JOMO! So, buckle up and tune in as we serve up a fresh perspective.
Join us for a rollercoaster ride in this episode as we dig into the world of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)! We're not just talking envy and exclusion; we're baring it all with personal stories, from the allure of fancy wine, the loneliness of entrepreneurship, to the nitty-gritty of bodybuilding discipline.
But hold on, it's not all gloom and doom. Ever wondered how carving your own path stacks up against societal norms? We're breaking it down.
At the core of it all is the game-changing concept of "Hell Yes or No." It's our secret sauce for sifting through life's offerings and going after the real gems. We're ditching the mediocre for the extraordinary and spilling the beans on how intentional choices can lead to a life filled with purpose and joy.
As we wrap it up, we're reflecting on the power of intentional choices. Forget FOMO-induced anxiety – we're all about cranking up the joy in paths chosen with intention - JOMO! So, buckle up and tune in as we serve up a fresh perspective.
Hello and welcome to the Cameo Show. I'm your host, Cameo, and we are joined today by my husband and co-host, Mr Greg Braun.
Speaker 2:
Good to be here, and I do have a good dad joke for you today.
Speaker 1:
Okay, let's hear it.
Speaker 2:
Why do I not like trees?
Speaker 1:
I don't know.
Speaker 2:
Because they seem shady.
Speaker 1:
Ooh, good one.
Speaker 2:
But that's really a joke. I really do love trees.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, me too. Thanks for clarifying, in case anyone was concerned about your love of trees.
Speaker 2:
Trees rock, yes.
Speaker 1:
Today we are going to talk about the little thing called FOMO fear of missing out that we often experience as we are stepping outside of our comfort zone, stepping outside of the norm and see everyone kind of continuing to do what they had been doing and then going wait a second, I'm not a part of that anymore and how it has impacted our lives as it pertains to our entrepreneurial choices, athletic endeavors, our choice to stop drinking all of those things and discuss some of the things that are pretty normal for people to feel and experience along the way. So can you think of a time when you have felt FOMO? Come on strong.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I mean, when I stopped drinking, that was obviously a big, big, eye-opening experience of FOMO, because you're watching all your friends, everyone at the cookout drinking and having a good time and you're the one that's drinking water. So you have this immediate, especially in the beginning, this immediate feeling of like oh, I'm missing out on the fun, I'm missing out on the party.
Speaker 1:
Right, I felt that way when I was doing bodybuilding, because it was like I can't go to the night out because I have to get up early in the morning and continue my training plan or kind of the same, with alcohol, like we would go to dinner and I would bring my food in a Tupperware container, and it wasn't really fear of missing out. I was there, but I was definitely experiencing a totally different moment. Experience, yeah, it was just not even the same, because food is love.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, right, we get together, we eat good food and it's like part of the experience. And then when you show up and you get your chicken and veggies and everyone else is eating amazing pizza, you're like, oh, you're missing out.
Speaker 1:
And I'm missing out Right. Any time we step outside of our comfort zone or make a major decision to make change, we experience some sort of FOMO, and I think that that has always been the case, and in person. Those were examples that we gave. But I think social media also plays into that, because you continue to see people going about their day to day, staying in their routines, showcasing kind of what they're doing and or what they're going to be doing, and you're like, oh man, I'd really like to be there, or oh man, I would really like to do some of those things. So it's definitely challenging when you have social media and the ability to see what people are doing in real time.
Speaker 1:
Yeah at all times that wasn't there when we didn't have social media and I'm not demonizing it at all, I love social media. Yeah but it definitely adds, and I remember our kids experiencing that specifically. Yeah daughter, you know, not knowing exactly how to handle that.
Speaker 2:
It's fear of missing out, but when we have the ability to literally see what everyone else is doing, it's like I see what I'm missing out on. So like if friends go to a concert and you don't get invited Some years, you're seeing what you're missing out on. That's like not even the fear of it, but like it's. It's way more intense.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and like the psychological effects of that are, you make it naturally about you. So in your example you see people at a concert and you're like I didn't get invited. It probably wasn't and isn't about you and you weren't necessarily not invited for any reason other than you know. They just didn't work out that way. But we internalize it and think, oh my god, why wasn't I invited?
Speaker 2:
Yeah, what's wrong with me Right?
Speaker 1:
right. So it definitely makes you feel isolated, for sure, and entrepreneurially is that a word? Entrepreneurially?
Speaker 2:
sounds good.
Speaker 1:
If it's not, it sounds awesome. I think it is big and amazing, but so we're going to roll with it Entrepreneurially. We experience that as well. So you know, for a large majority of our careers we worked in an office. We worked in an atmosphere where you kind of show up and you know what your role is, you know what you're to do, you know when you leave. Your done for the most part.
Speaker 2:
You're part of a team, right?
Speaker 1:
and when we stepped out on our own and opened our own mortgage brokerage we're on mortgage group it was just you and I like out on an island and we could see other banks, we could see other teams doing their thing. And then we really had to pull together and decide like, even though we're not a part of that, we can make this work and there's a really big strong why behind what we're doing. So those nights when we were working, those early mornings when we were waking up, it felt really lonely, it felt really Outside of like what the norm of this position should be and added a little bit of stress, and it wasn't necessarily like fear of missing out, but it was definitely this feeling of isolation that felt like Lack or not being a part of the team, trudging forward on our own. In those moments when we had to push through with no one else there, kind of cheering us on or collaborating and ideas.
Speaker 2:
And along those lines, you know, during the time of the build, you're building in complete obscurity. No one knows or understands what you're doing when you're, when you're starting your own business and you're in your in that growth phase Especially early on. So there were things that you only have the time that you have in the day. So we there were things that we had to say no to events that we didn't get to go to, you know, weekend trips, whatever. So we had the FOMO thing going on then, because your belief is stronger than what you know. The thing is that you say no to Right.
Speaker 2:
Also, when you work for somebody else and you're starting your own business, you kind of immediately feel this sense of like no one's holding me accountable for anything. So I don't know if it's fear of missing out or more of a Awareness of like I'm on my own. Now you know like this is grown up stuff, because I don't have a manager like, what are your numbers this month? This month, and then the first time that no one's doing that, you're like it's awfully quiet it's awfully quiet, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:
I still feel that way now, like even doing this podcast, or as I've been writing my book, or as we've done music. There are many times when we have spent hours late on Friday night finishing up recording something, or wake up early in the morning to work on something where you feel like gosh, I missed out on that event.
Speaker 1:
I missed out on that community. You know food truck night, because I was working on something. I had a deadline, self-imposed deadline, half of the time. But you do see it happening around you. It does make you question psychologically. It does make you question, like, is what I'm doing worth it? I'm not. I feel like there are moments when I'm not living or I'm not participating in life because I'm working on things. But it's finding that kind of ebb and flow of like making sure that you're giving your projects the amount of time that they need, reminding yourself that there's a real strong reason why you're doing it and that really, you're not really missing out on anything. There will be a next time. Or, if it's that big of an event or something that you definitely don't want to miss out on, you are able to make that decision along the way. Right, you have to, like discern what's more important in that moment.
Speaker 2:
Yes, and I think that that comes with maturity and a knowing, a knowing. You use the examples of the Friday nights, like there's been a few Friday nights where the weeks are taxing. We're busy every minute of the day, from the moment we get up till the moment we go to bed. We're like, what could you have cut out of that day? Right, and it wasn't any time wasted. It was all working on things and being with the family and doing everything. That's part of the plan. But you missed out on stuff. You missed out on fun leisure activities. Maybe I'm not up on the current politics of the day, I'm not up on the current drama of the world, because I'm so just locked in on what I'm doing. And that might be silly to some people, but for me it makes a lot of sense because it's like, if it's important enough, someone's going to tell me or my phone's going to light up. So you are missing out on stuff on purpose.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and that's you keep saying, like it's not necessarily.
Speaker 2:
Is that homo purposely missing out on something?
Speaker 1:
Well, there is Jomo, the joy of missing out.
Speaker 2:
Amen, there you go yeah.
Speaker 1:
But you mentioned, like it's not necessarily the fear of missing out, and I agree it isn't now, because we're convicted in our choices, we have a plan.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:
But initially, when we first stopped drinking, initially, when I first started doing any athletic endeavor, that required a lot of me. Initially, when I started saying no to things, it is really hard and uncomfortable.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
You do naturally want to be a part of the pack, you want to be a part of the action, you want to be in the know, you want to feel like you're involved, and when you're not, it's like are people going to remember me? Are people going to still want to hang out with me?
Speaker 2:
Oh, yeah, oh yeah, that's so true. When you're not as convicted in what you're doing, it makes FOMO a very hard thing to deal with. Early in my career, when I would pack my lunch and go to work and when you're on a team. It's like you don't want to be the one guy that's staying back, like I'm going to have my salad, we're all going to the buffet, you want to come eat sushi or whatever, and it's like, oh man, that's hard to do, yeah.
Speaker 2:
But if you have a goal, like, for example, when you're doing bodybuilding or you're competing for something, just like right now, like we're trying to be very healthy with the food that we're eating, because, we want to stay strong and healthy because we're doing some pretty intense MMA workouts Jiu-Jitsu and kickboxing and it's like I want to show up every day strong and able and so I don't really want to eat a lot of bad food because that's going to hurt me there. So that's an easier way to see it. Like it's easy for me now to decline the lunch. But if you're not as convicted and you're just starting out on a journey of fitness or health or just trying to save money by packing your lunch because that really does save a lot of money it might be really hard at first. But the cool thing is like people will get used to, like that's just what you do and there's other alternatives to this too.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, you find that you are often not missing out and that people aren't going to forget about you or not want to include you, even though it feels isolating it. Also, as you've been saying, that reminded me of this notion of no or hell. Yes, derek Sivers of Seedy Baby. We read it in a book somewhere a decade ago and it kind of gave us tools of Titans. Tim Ferriss, excellent book.
Speaker 2:
My.
Speaker 1:
God, but it kind of gave us permission to say it's either a no or a hell yes. There is no in between. So if someone asks me to do something and it doesn't align with my goal or what I'm doing and it isn't a hell, yes, it's a no. And being okay with that and realizing that like it's a no because what I might be missing out on is less than what I have to gain in my own personal conviction about what I'm doing.
Speaker 1:
Yeah that's been huge. That came up just recently when we were making a decision to go do something. It was like exciting and I want to go do it. And then all of a sudden you start looking into it, you start figuring out like how does that fit in my week? And then it isn't a hell yes anymore, it's a no.
Speaker 2:
It's a yes, it's a that'd be cool, it's a warm like. But if you live your life with hell yes or no, and there's no in between, then it makes. Then you start making some hard decisions. It helps you make these hard decisions so much easier. That's right, because if we weren't convicted in a hell yes or no operating system for life you know, what I mean.
Speaker 1:
It would be like you'd be yanked around by whatever.
Speaker 2:
You'd be yanked around by your emotions and people, pleasing and the opportunity, but it's like, but it's not. A hell yes.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
And there's been a few things, even just this year, that have been like possible things that we would look into or do, or, and it was like it's not, it's not, a hell yes.
Speaker 1:
It doesn't fit. And here's the thing I'm still going to see people posting about it on social media. I'm still going to hear about it. I'm still going to wonder I didn't show up to that event? Did I miss an opportunity?
Speaker 2:
And it's human to feel like oh, I'm sad I did miss that. You're going to feel that that's right yeah.
Speaker 1:
That's right, but I understand that it just did not fit appropriately or correctly or a line appropriately with what we have going on. That's right. And so therefore, it makes it so much easier to be like I'm not really fearing missing out. I understand why I'm missing out and then really evaluate like what am I really missing out on? And kind of dig deeper into that curiosity around that.
Speaker 2:
Think about that when you're making a big decision, I mean it's, it's hell, yes or no. And then eventually you realize like there's no in between in your life. It's all hell, yes, yeah, and there's no filler. And like things that come up on the weekend that you're like, oh my God, we committed to this thing and it was a warm yes and. But now we're like, oh, it's, it's D-Day, it's time to go do the thing, and we're like I'm so guilty of that a lot and I just feel so bad I.
Speaker 1:
I'm glad that we yin and yang because you hold me accountable to things that I'm not like I. It's not that I don't want to go or that I don't want to do, it's just I was excited when I committed to it and then, as time goes on, whatever I'm feeling, I've decided like I don't really want to and with you as my rock, you kind of say like we committed to it, we have to, and that's become then my character and my narrative over the years too, is that like I committed to it when I was excited. I'm not so excited, but I still committed to it and I have to show up.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
And that's for anything. That's not just for events or outside people, that's for yourself too. And that comes into play so many times as this fear of missing out decision making conversation kind of evolves here.
Speaker 2:
And you know what fear of missing out is a natural part of being a leader. So back to the lunch example. You might be the only one out of six people that's like, hey, I'm going to, I'm going to eat a salad at my desk and or I'm going to pack to save money or whatever, yeah. And so, yes, you might be missing out on the group going out to lunch, but the next day somebody else might pack their lunch as well, and then you might have a buddy sitting there.
Speaker 1:
You know.
Speaker 2:
So If you're, if you're why and why you're doing it is right and it's a hell. Yes, you know you. You might discover that there's things that you're helping other people and your fear of missing out becomes quieter and quieter.
Speaker 2:
And the joy of seeing Improvement in your life and the joy of feeling like, hey, I helped somebody I mean, is there any greater feeling like literally, that's like the greatest feeling in the world of like what keeps me going most of the time seeing someone else emulate or or Ask for advice on something or do what you're doing and you know it's the right thing, like that just feels really good, you know, and and it's we're all kind of in this together and but but growth, part of growth is FOMO for sure Well, and it's easy to talk about it on our day-to-day life here that we're having a conversation about most relatable that way.
Speaker 1:
But you have to think about the people who have been disruptors in their industry, that are high level performers or thought leaders. They've spent a lot of lonely nights. They've said no to a lot of things to change literally the trajectory of the world in some cases. If you think about Elon Musk or Oprah Winfrey, you have examples of people who really had to break out of what societal norms were, break out of what they were expected to do, spend a lot of time on themselves with themselves, saying no to things, fearing that they're not Going to be accepted, fearing that they're not going to be Remembered when they show back up with their, with their idea and their plan that they've been working on behind closed doors and they just had to keep their head down, keep their blinders up and keep trudging forward. And so, at all different levels of life, from packing your lunch to Creating electric cars, it's all the same human experience.
Speaker 1:
Yeah it's just having the strength and the vision to see it through. I read this quote the other day, or saw on Instagram something that said when the why is strong enough, the how is easy.
Speaker 1:
Yeah and that really resonated with me because it was like if I know exactly why, if I can feel it in my bones, I have chills. What a nerd. If I know why and I can feel it, then I may not know how to do it, like exactly right, but I will figure it out because I feel strongly enough about why I'm doing it in the first place. That's another way to keep that FOMO on the quiet side. It's like I don't know how yet I'll figure it out. It just means enough to me to not worry about all that other stuff and all that extra noise.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and results. Yeah once you start seeing results from whatever the thing is that you're doing, the FOMO gets Even quieter.
Speaker 1:
That's right. So you've mentioned this a couple times, but you know, when you see someone kind of jump on board or maybe they don't jump on board, maybe no one starts packing with you, but you might see around the corner somebody else who's sitting under a tree eating their packed lunch, right it. Where I'm going with this is that loneliness that you feel, or that fear of missing out on what you always knew as the norm opens up spaciousness for new opportunities for connection, for groups that you may become a part of, that you didn't see before and Gives you a little bit more of an a new perspective of what's possible?
Speaker 1:
Yeah in that arena too. So I'm glad that you brought that up, because you know fear of missing out is I'm not gonna be seen, I'm not gonna have fun, I'm not gonna. Who am I as anybody gonna care? But it's also that feeling of loneliness. The flip side of that is that it creates opportunity. Yeah, there's always a flip side. There's always a positive spin to a new change in your life. That feels uncomfortable.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and I think that's a huge key, at least for myself. I've had to learn that it's okay to be alone. It's okay to be alone, it's okay to be by yourself with your own thoughts, with no distractions. Understand what's happening there, because that's how you're going to develop and understand who you are and what your operating system is. And it is lonely Like starting a business. Being a creative person, you know, I know personally I spend hours by myself with my instrument or creating on a computer screen. You spend hours, you know, writing your book, creating music, I mean just all these things are like solo mission and they come together as collaborations, you know, with interviewing other people and playing music with other people. But a lot of the unseen hours are by yourself. You know grinding it out and when you're doing that you're definitely missing out on maybe going golfing or you know, like the fun stuff that you might be missing out on. But I think in the beginning especially, it feels really lonely. But you're going to find a new tribe.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, that's exactly what I was meaning.
Speaker 2:
Who is on this other level of like they're, they're focused and creative too, and you might be able to connect and know like, ok, and there's some, there's comfort in that for me, it knowing that like this isn't just me, I'm not a loner there's. This is how it is when you're building something.
Speaker 1:
It's, it's hours and hours of you know yeah, you're kind of like in purgatory, and you've mentioned this before where like and I think you read this or heard this somewhere else Two, but where, when you step outside of what you normally do and you do something different, whatever that endeavor is it could be something really small or really big, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1:
It's uncomfortable and it's lonely because you've left the tribe that's doing what you've always done in the past and what the norm has been, and you've not yet found your tribe that's doing what you're doing now or, what's more, in alignment with the direction that you want to go in your life, and so that space in between is definitely that, that space where you are lonely and you question yourself and you're not sure.
Speaker 2:
And yeah, and the old tribes calling you back. Yeah you know you're seeing it on social media or party we're having and you're like, but I just know I got to keep going here, yeah that's right.
Speaker 1:
So for anyone who is experiencing a little FOMO, know that it is a completely relatable, normal feeling to feel like You're missing something. But if your why is strong enough, you'll figure out how you'll learn to have the conviction to decide no or hell yes. You'll use these tools and you'll learn about yourself in a way that you maybe haven't experienced before. That quiets that FOMO. So keep going, don't give up. Just even the awareness that this space in between is really uncomfortable and weird is often helpful.
Speaker 2:
I also want to say you know, thank you for listening to us. We just love to share the things that we've learned on our journey and it makes us feel so good to see so many people from all over the world tuning in every week and listening. So thank you for for listening and sharing with your friends and following us on social media.
Speaker 1:
I copy that 100%, that same sentiment, and it's really fun to see people share with us where they've been able to implement some of the things that we've shared and be more courageous or take something head on or have a new perspective. So thank you again for tuning in and definitely reach out and share some of your stories and remember FOMO is real, but it can be quiet and Jomo Jomo, turn your FOMO into Jomo. Jomo is real too, and maybe that transition happens the more comfortable you become in the in, the in between.