When I heard Father Mike Schmitz's homily on Divine Mercy Sunday, his words about our deepest wound being distrust resonated with me. His homily was a catalyst for my reflection on the quarter spent at Encounter School of Ministries, a time rich with learning about the transformative power of forgiveness and the journey to inner healing.
Imagine a fortress, not of stone, but of our own making, built from the lies and vows we've whispered to ourselves. This is the stronghold I discovered, one that often leads to self-protective behaviors and, for some of us, to the numbing embrace of distraction and avoidance.
Drawing from scripture, prayer, and the sacraments, we'll discuss how to replace the deep-seated lies of our wounds with the liberating truths of God's word. I invite you to share this conversation, as it may be the lifeline someone out there is searching for. And if you're seeking further support, There are several ways to work with me —visit my website and follow along on Instagram as we walk hand-in-hand on this path toward alcohol freedom.
I'm here for you. I'm praying for you. You are NOT alone!
Please subscribe to this podcast so you won't miss a thing!
When I heard Father Mike Schmitz's homily on Divine Mercy Sunday, his words about our deepest wound being distrust resonated with me. His homily was a catalyst for my reflection on the quarter spent at Encounter School of Ministries, a time rich with learning about the transformative power of forgiveness and the journey to inner healing.
Imagine a fortress, not of stone, but of our own making, built from the lies and vows we've whispered to ourselves. This is the stronghold I discovered, one that often leads to self-protective behaviors and, for some of us, to the numbing embrace of distraction and avoidance.
Drawing from scripture, prayer, and the sacraments, we'll discuss how to replace the deep-seated lies of our wounds with the liberating truths of God's word. I invite you to share this conversation, as it may be the lifeline someone out there is searching for. And if you're seeking further support, There are several ways to work with me —visit my website and follow along on Instagram as we walk hand-in-hand on this path toward alcohol freedom.
I'm here for you. I'm praying for you. You are NOT alone!
Please subscribe to this podcast so you won't miss a thing!
Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast, the go-to resource for women seeking to have a deeper understanding of the role alcohol plays in their lives, women who are looking to drink less or not at all for any reason. I am your host, christi Walker. I'm a wife, mom and a joy-filled Catholic, and I am the Catholic Sobriety Coach, and I am so glad you're here. Our greatest wound is a wound of distrust. When I heard Father Mike Schmitz say those words during his homily for Divine Mercy Sunday, it just opened up something inside of me that I haven't been able to forget, and it's probably because right now I'm actually learning how to heal some of my own wounds and also learning how to accompany others on their journey to heal wounds, and it just keeps coming up for me in so many ways and in so many directions. So I think I've mentioned before that I am a student of Encounter School of Ministries. We're just wrapping up our quarter on inner healing, the fourth quarter, which, as you might imagine, has actually been my very favorite, because I can see all the ways that inner healing fosters a true and authentic relationship with Jesus, our healer, which is so needed by believers and unbelievers alike in our hurting world. We also learned the power of forgiveness and how that can remove roadblocks that come up during our healing journey. We've learned a bit about what it is and what it isn't, which I actually talked about in episode 72. So if you want to, after you're finished with this episode, you may want to go check that one out too, because really these two episodes go together. So until this quarter I couldn't quite articulate how events in our past cause wounds that we try to heal with things that will never satisfy us, like alcohol or scrolling or shopping or whatever it is that we are trying to fill that void with or distract ourselves with, or we use things that will only temporarily numb the pain and emotion. But once I learned that these wounds are caused by trauma and what trauma actually is, the puzzle pieces just really started to fit together for me and things began to make more sense. One barrier I realized that I was having is that actually, when I hear the word trauma, I would just picture something exceptionally traumatic, like a car accident where the car hit a tree and it's on fire and the people inside are bleeding and they're near death and people are rushing around. Or I thought of horrific abuse situations or being continually exposed to a parent who was belligerently drunk all the time. So, honestly, to consider anything that I've been through in my life as trauma, it just seemed like I was being really very overly dramatic and I guess, if you compare it to what I just told you that I thought trauma was, it probably would be. So what is trauma anyway?
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The American Psychological Association describes trauma as an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, crime, natural disaster, physical or emotional abuse, neglect, experiencing or witnessing violence, death of a loved one, war and more. Through the teachings at Encounter and reading the book Be Healed by Dr Bob Schutz, who is a retired marriage and family therapist and founder of the JP2 Healing Center, schutz discusses two ways that wounds are formed. One is through the deprivation of love, which he calls type A trauma, or by unloving actions, which he calls Type B trauma. He notes that while Type A traumas are the most common, they are also the most overlooked, and in his book he says these may include not being cherished and celebrated by one's parents, not knowing we are a delight, not being understood or nurtured, not receiving appropriate discipline or boundaries, not being able to develop personal freedom or talents. And if that doesn't sound very traumatic to you, you're probably not alone, but I think it will all make sense in a minute. So let's move on to type B trauma.
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First, dr Bob notes that type B trauma is the bad things. So you think, type A absence there's an absence of something. Type B is like bad. So type B are things like death, divorce, violence, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, abandonment by a parent or spouse, witnessing someone else being abused or injured, etc. Now here's what's crazy. He says that both types of trauma become permanently stored in our brains and in every cell of our bodies. So that is why it's so important to seek healing for the health of our mind, body and soul. God wants us healed. He wants us whole and free so that we can be the women and men that he created us to be, and Jesus, our healer, he wants to help us.
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Now, when we look at the anatomy of a wound from Dr Bob's perspective, it has three parts. In the center is the wound which is caused by a trauma. Surrounding that wound are beliefs that we have about ourselves, which it really does a number on our identity, or the beliefs we have about others. Then what comes from those beliefs are the inner vows we make to ourselves based on these beliefs. Before we go any deeper into this, I also want to let you know that I've been working my way through Fearless and Free, which is a walking with purpose Catholic women's Bible study, and it draws deeply from the work of Dr Bob. See what I mean when I said that this topic keeps coming up for me. This is my eighth year helping to coordinate and facilitate small group discussions at my parish and it never, ever ceases to amaze me how, whichever study we are doing, it speaks right into my life and into the present moment. But you know, that's God's word, right, as Hebrews 4.12 tells us, for the word of God is living and active, sharper than Anyway.
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In this study, author and Walking With Purpose founder Lisa Brennickmeyer talks about a vow she made to herself based on something that was said to her that attacked her identity. It caused her to agree with a lie about her husband and she made a vow to herself that she would not need him. And the wall went up. She went through life and her marriage for over a decade until a therapist she was seeing called her out and told her you cannot self-protect and love at the same time and love at the same time yeah, that's pretty amazing.
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Now let me say that again you cannot love and self-protect at the same time. Does that ring true for you? It certainly does for me, because I went through 12 years of marriage with my husband self-protecting and waiting for something bad to happen that would destroy the beautiful life that we had built together, and because of that I wasn't fully loving him. And although I would have vehemently disagreed with you at the time if you had said that I don't trust my husband fully, I honestly didn't. Now I want to note that my husband never, ever, gave me a reason to doubt his love, his faithfulness or his steadfastness. Yet I was paranoid he would leave me. But I see now that that came from the wound of my dad walking out on our family. I believed the lie that I wasn't worth sticking around for and, as crazy as this may sound that maybe there was something I could have done to prevent it. At that time I made a vow that I didn't even know I made. I vowed never to be hurt like that again. I would never trust anyone fully or for fear of being hurt, rejected, humiliated or abandoned.
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And then those inner vows produced strongholds. Author Max Lakedo tells us. The term stronghold appears at least 50 times in the Bible. It was commonly referred to as a fortress with difficult access. When King David first saw the city of Jerusalem, it was an old, ancient, cheerless fortress inhabited by enemies. No wonder it was twice called a stronghold.
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Strongholds are no fun. Lakedo calls them cheerless. They are put into place through an agreement we make with a lie, a contract we make with the enemy in which we allow him space to inhabit. It's a place that the enemy keeps us comfortable and focused on pleasures. He makes us believe that giving into the temptation, the sin, will be worth it, it will make everything better. And then, just like a toxic friend, he'll cut you down with shame, manipulate you by attacking your true identity as a beloved daughter and do all he can to try to alienate you from the lover of your soul. This is precisely what happens when we misuse alcohol. If you are there, then what I am saying may feel eerily familiar. And how do I know? I've been there. I have been there way too many times to count.
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Now, while the enemy uses the tactic of enticing you to give in, god works very differently, and I'm sure, as a Christian, you have experienced this too, and I'm sure, as a Christian, you have experienced this too. When we are headed down the wrong path, we may encounter obstacles, sadness or not even knowing how to talk to God. We may feel a knowing that presents as anxiety and a loss of peace. We may even begin to question the existence of God or seek a spirituality that doesn't make us feel quite so bad about what we're doing. We essentially make alcohol an idol and become our own God by deciding what is right and wrong for us.
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I experienced these things when I was listening to the liar and God was trying to get my attention. On those occasions when I allowed some vulnerability and did trust someone, more often than not that trust would be betrayed and it would reinforce that core belief. That core belief Because and this is what's interesting I would place my trust in people that I knew deep down would probably betray that trust and those who I could have trusted I pushed away. Then the enemy would say see, you can't trust anyone. And where was God in all of this? He doesn't care about you. You are too insignificant to him. So the stronghold of ungodly self-reliance that took root would be watered and continue to grow, would be watered and continue to grow and it produced fruits like addiction, envy, pride and promiscuity. Through my recovery, I was working and have worked and continue to work through all of these strongholds, and while the stronghold of addiction was broken, there were definitely a lot more that needed to work through one at a time. And while I have made enormous progress, there are still more strongholds that I need to get rid of and I imagine that this is going to be a lifelong process. But the more we can release, the more peace we have, and I can certainly attest to that as well.
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The turning point for my husband and I was when we went to a worldwide marriage encounter weekend for our 12th anniversary. Our marriage was fine, but not great. Communication was definitely lacking and while we wouldn't fight, we were really snapping at each other more often than we used to. Now again, I was still worried and anxious that he might just up and leave. So I asked him if we could go to this marriage encounter and he agreed. And I have to tell you it was the best thing we have ever done for our marriage, because we shared so deeply with one another in ways that we had never done before, done before, and it was awkward and super uncomfortable, but it was so well worth the effort, because walls were torn down that have never been rebuilt and after that weekend my anxiety was completely gone surrounding our marriage. Since then, I have never once doubted my husband's love and commitment to me or our family.
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When we agree with a lie that the enemy feeds us and he does this, by the way, when we are at our lowest and that lie is served to us covered in a thin layer of truth, it's very hard to resist, especially if we are having trouble knowing what is God's truth and what is a twisted version of the truth. And some of you listening may be very uncomfortable with me talking about the forces of evil, darkness, demon, satan, but he is real and the biggest trick he has ever played is to convince people that he is not. So if you are there and you've listened this long, that's pretty good. But if you are there and you're still listening, keep listening with an open mind, because you have to know that we are fighting against evil. But God has prepared us, he's gifted us and equipped us to fight this battle, and he is already one. And God is always stronger than the devil. Satan is evil, he is cunning and he is a trickster. And just as the serpent got Eve to distrust God and his goodness and even her own identity by telling her if you eat of the fruit, you will be like God, that was such a lie. She was already like God. She was already created in the image and likeness of God. He got her to doubt God and doubt her identity and then to come to an agreement with that lie and the rest is history, as they say. Now.
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Dr Bob identifies seven wounds in his book. The first is abandonment I'm all alone. The second is fear I'm afraid. The third is powerlessness I can't change it. The fourth is hopelessness Things will never get better. The fifth is confusion I just don't understand what is happening. The sixth is rejection I am not loved. And the seventh is shame I'm bad. I'm bad, I'm worthless. Now, when I think about that list and I hear Father Mike's voice saying that our greatest wound is the wound of distrust, I can see how the seven wounds are all part of that bigger wound, a foundational wound. Humans have faced this wound since the beginning of time and it has us asking ourselves can I trust others? Can I trust myself? Can I trust God? When I look at what is happening in our world today and all the hurt and addictions and narcissism, confusion, division, addictions and narcissism, confusion, division, the huge turning away from God, it hurts my heart, but I can see that it all stems from this great wound of distrust. So what the heck do we do about it? Well, there's no quick fix. There's no pills you can take, drink you can drink, or things you can buy to make it better. Trying to heal using substances, things or people is never going to heal you.
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True healing comes from the Lord. It comes from replacing lies with the truth, god's truth. Inner healing starts with an awareness that helps us identify attacks on our identity so that we can break the vows we made with ourselves based on the lies that we allowed to take root when we agreed with them. Inner healing also must include regular prayer, because that's how we build relationships is with communicating with others. So, to connect with God, our true healer, we have to turn to him in prayer. When we learn to trust in His goodness and mercy and believe that he wants us whole and healed, we can fully be the people he created us to be and resist the advances of our enemy. Our Lord wants us to experience healing and freedom so that we may glorify him and heal others as well.
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I heard a priest say in a homily once wounded people wound people, but healed people heal people, and that hit hard. Do I want to be a wounder or a healer? I don't know about you, but I want to be a healer. When we identify the lie and see it for what it is, then declare the truth, the stronghold starts to unravel. Through this process, though, we may also feel like we're being unraveled, but we can't stop out of fear. We can't stop because it feels uncomfortable. We have to persist, knowing that freedom and joy await us on the other side and that Jesus is with us.
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A quote that I love to think of when it comes to taking a closer look at our wounds is by St Augustine, when he says I saw his glory in my wounds and it dazzled me. If you think of it that way, if you think of it that way, of seeing Jesus's glory in your wounds. It is dazzling because when we allow him to heal, those sad, open sores begin to transform. They become an opening in which Christ's light can shine through them to help others. As I'm saying that God has given me this beautiful image I want to share. So close your eyes unless you're driving or walking or doing something where it would be very dangerous to close your eyes. Then don't close your eyes If you're in a space when you can or where you can close your eyes, and don't close your eyes If you're in a space when you can or where you can close your eyes.
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Now imagine you have a wound. Let's say it's on your palm. Now look down at your palm and notice the painful, open wound. Now look up. You see Jesus, your healer, standing before you and he places his palm on yours and gently grips your hand. You turn your face to him and he looks deep into your eyes with so much love. And after a moment he slowly backs away and he removes his hand from yours To reveal that your wound has been healed, and bursting out from where that wound was are what look like radiant sunbeams. That is his glory. Jesus can now work through you to heal others, to shine Christ's beautiful light on their wounds so that they can experience healing as well. Thank you, jesus. Thank you for that.
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The first thing you can do is to see the lies for what they are, identify the lies. But how do we do that? St Paul tells us how in 2 Corinthians, 10 5. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. Well, how do we do that? We pray. We call upon the powerful intercession of the Blessed Mother because she will bring all your petitions to her Son. We read scripture, which is God's living word. Read it out loud so the enemy can hear it. We receive the sacraments regularly and we spend as much time with Jesus as we can by adoring him in the Blessed Sacrament.
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After we identify the lies, we renounce them and replace them with the truth, the only true truth I'm not talking about your truth or my truth the truth which is God's truth, revealed to us through sacred scripture and the magisterium of the Catholic Church. Here's a quick example Jesus, I renounce the lie that you have abandoned me and, in the name of Jesus, I declare the truth over. You will begin to release those strongholds and steeping yourself in scripture and filling your mind with the good, the true and the beautiful is key. Again, remember what St Paul told us, when we know the truth, it is much easier to recognize the lies when they begin to creep up and we can demolish them. Now does this mean that you have to have hundreds of scripture verses memorized? No, but when you are reading, write down those key verses that speak life into your soul.
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I recommend having a Bible you can write in, not like your fancy family Bible, but a specific one for highlighting and writing notes in. There are actually some journaling Bibles or a Bible that you writing notes in. There are actually some like journaling Bibles or a Bible that you can journal in. I think Blessed is she has one, and there may be others. So then you can turn to those pages when you need them, read them out loud and allow God's grace to pour over you through his loving words.
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Now, isaiah 43.1 is actually it's one of my favorites, and it says but now thus says the Lord, he who created you, o Jacob, he who formed you, o Jacob, he who formed you, o Israel, fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have called you by name. You are mine. Whatever verses speak to you, return to them and find the ones that bring you comfort and peace and hope and again, speak them out loud, loud enough so the enemy can hear and he will flee. Our greatest wound is distrust, but but Jesus wants to heal that wound. He wants to heal you so that he can work through you to heal others. Will you let him?
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Well, that does it for this episode of the Catholic Sobriety Podcast. I hope you enjoyed this episode and I would invite you to share it with a friend who might also get value from it as well, and make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing. I am the Catholic Sobriety Coach, and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about the coaching that I offer, visit my website, thecatholicsobrietycoachcom. Follow me on Instagram at the Catholic Sobriety Coach. I look forward to speaking to you next time and remember I am here for you. I am praying for you. You are not alone.