Welcome to the Off Balance podcast, where faith, family and business collide with your host, Dr. Brooks Deming, life coach, intercessor and entrepreneur. 10s Hello everyone, I'm Dr. Brooks. Welcome to Off Balance, a podcast for adults trying to balance life. Thank you for tuning in each week to learn strategies to help you be the better version of yourself. The sponsor of today's episode is clothed by J Christine, a Christian based clothing store offering quality and affordable clothing for the everyday fashionable, conscious woman. 1s Welcome to the show. Today I'm going to talk about jealousy. I know it's a topic that we don't really address and I think it's simply because society makes you feel like you are a bad person if you have these emotions, especially if you express them. But everyone that experienced jealousy is not a villain. Everyone that experienced jealousy is not a person that has ill intent. And so we're just going to talk about that today because I think it's something that really needs to be addressed so that more people will learn how to handle these emotions in a positive way. A lot of the times we don't want to admit that we do get jealous of people sometimes, and it is okay depending on how you respond to those feelings. And so it can be challenging, especially if you surround yourself with people that are successful and they're always accomplishing and crushing their goals. It can be very difficult. Sometimes you can feel like you are not enough or you can even feel like you're always 1s failing and in reality you're actually doing well for yourself. But the fact that the people around you are constantly crushing their goals and they're always landing the biggest job with the biggest bonus, they're always finishing degrees, publishing books, whatever it is, it can make you feel some type of resentment towards their success. And so today I'm just going to talk to you about jealousy. So first you have to recognize and acknowledge your feelings of jealousy. There is nothing wrong with you admitting to yourself, hey, I'm feeling some type of way about A, B and C. That's completely fine. That's the first step in order for you to be able to address it. And it is also the first step in getting a grip on it to make sure that your jealousy doesn't turn into something much bigger. 1s It. So what you have to do is you have to focus on yourself. So a lot of the times when we are around successful people or we get on social media and we see people are really thriving and people are making major moves, it can make us feel a certain type of way about ourselves. It can make those insecurities arise. And so what you want to do is you want to focus on yourself. So instead of comparing self to others, you just want to concentrate on your own growth and goals. A good thing that I do for myself is I like to celebrate my wins. So if I have a goal set for myself and I accomplish that goal, I celebrate it. If I halfway accomplish it, which means that I am partially through with reaching the full goal, I still celebrate. You have to celebrate yourself because when you celebrate yourself, you are acknowledging that you are making steps towards achieving whatever it is that you set out to achieve. And so celebrating yourself is really great, but you can only celebrate yourself if you focus on yourself. So just remember, you have to focus on yourself. 1s The next thing that you want to do is you want to practice gratitude. You have to cultivate a mindset of gratitude regardless of what's going on around you. You just want to be thankful for everything that you have going on in your own life. I know it can be difficult. We like to complain if we don't have the nicest car, if we don't have the biggest home, or whatever the case is. But we just have to be thankful that we are here on earth and that we're healthy and that we have the resources that we need. Because there are so many people that wish they were in our position. And so you just have to have a heart and a mindset of gratitude to know that at any time life can happen and the story could be so much different. And so we just have to be grateful for what we have. And I know you guys are not going to like this one, but you have to limit your use of social media. Social media has tricked us into believing that everyone is successful, everyone is earning seven figures. Everyone woke up one day and decided that they wanted to be an entrepreneur and they made it happen in a day. Social media has people thinking that life is so easy and that things happen overnight. But what social media doesn't show is the hard work and effort that people have put into their craft and they are finally reaping the benefits, the rewards of it. And so you have to limit your time on social media, because if you reduce your exposure to social media, you won't feel as bad about yourself or feel bad that you are not where you think you should be. 1s It's. It's really just an idolized version of lives that are just not real. And so it can actually trigger jealousy in you. It can trigger a mindset of making you feel like you are a failure. And so if you can limit your use of social media, that will be great. Another thing that you could do to build your self esteem is just work on your confidence. There is nothing more appealing than a confident person. So if you can just work on your confidence, you can do that by encouraging yourself. You can do techniques in the mirror. I am wonderful. I am whatever you need to say to make yourself have confidence. When you walk in the room, you have to know that no one else can bring what you can to the table. We are all so unique in that aspect to where we just have to remember that 1s never be intimidated by someone else. I know it can be hard, especially if you feel like maybe they have more education, they're more articulate, they have more knowledge about a subject matter. It does not matter. Your input still carries weight. And so you just have to remember you are it. You are that person, you are that man, you are that woman. You are the person that they need to speak to. So once you get that mindset, your confidence will begin to grow. So work on things to help you build your confidence. The next thing that you want to do also is communicate your feelings. A lot of the times we are embarrassed because we may feel jealous or we may feel like people judge us if we confide in them about how we're feeling. But actually you'll be surprised at how people can kind of talk you off the ledge and kind of reassure. 1s That what you're feeling is normal. We all have those feelings and they can give you advice. This is what I do when I get over those feelings. And so you just have to be transparent in that aspect and just communicate it. Because if jealousy is causing problems in your relationships or in your working relationships, you really need to talk about it. You need to talk openly about it to let know how you feel. And then again, they will be able to provide you with some type of support or reassurance to let you know that that's normal. It's actually okay. It occurs more than you think, and you are not crazy. And these are some things that you can do to move forward. Also, I think it will be helpful too, if you calm yourself down. I know a lot of people pray, a lot of people meditate, a lot of people go for walks, exercise, whatever you need to do to calm your mind down. That's also a useful tool to be able to kind of overcome jealousy, because it will help you stay in the present moment and reduce those negative thoughts of comparison. So find you something that you like to do. For me, I'm a runner. I love to run. I haven't ran in a while, but when my life is at a stressful point, I love to run. I will put my headphones on, get me about three to 4 miles in and I'm fine. And so you just have to find what works for you, of course, something that is healthy for you, not nothing that's going to harm you or cause you to spiral out. Control. 2s You want to set goals. You want to focus on your personal growth. You want to continuously work to improve yourself, your life, your quality of life, your sense of purpose and fulfillment. When you are in a place and you feel like 1s you're moving, you're achieving your goals. 1s You will be less jealous of other people because you will feel like, hey, I have it going on too, so I'm not even going to focus on them. And you will feel much better about yourself. I just want you to remember that jealousy is so common. And we are made as a society to feel like it's abnormal. We're made to feel like that. If we openly say that we're jealous, that we are a bad person, and that is far from the truth. We've all experienced jealousy before. Or we just have to know how to deal with it in a healthy way that doesn't cause conflict, in a way that doesn't cause self harm, in a way that doesn't cause your mental state to go into a place of depression. And so the best advice that I can give is communicate. Just communicate. I know. 2s I have a friend, it seems like she does everything first. We can start something together, but for some reason she accomplished it first. And instead of being jealous of her, I always say, God, if you did it for her, you'll do it for me. And guys, 1s that has helped me, especially when that voice in your head wants to turn you against people, or that voice in your head wants to make you not like them, you just have to remind yourself, if God did it for them, he will do it for you. He is not a God that is limited by any means. And so I just want to encourage you to not allow jealousy, to ruin friendships, to ruin relationships, to ruin partnerships, whatever. Don't let it sink your ship, because it actually can. And you also have to be mindful of people that try to put things in your head as well. Because I can recall being in a work environment where they just wanted us to not like each other, they wanted everyone to be so competitive and you were made to feel bad if you didn't get the promotion. It was just the weirdest type of environment. So you just have to be mindful of those external factors that can kind of feed your jealousy and make your jealousy into that bad thing. Because again, the emotion is not bad. It's a part of being human, it's a part of your human experience. But what you do with that emotion can make it bad. And so I just want you guys to be very mindful of when you feel jealousy, to be mindful of what you do with it. And so the whole point of this episode is just to get you to realize that one, it's a common emotion, we will all feel it at some point in our life. And two, it's not bad as long as you process it in a way that is healthy for all that's involved. And so if you feel yourself 1s becoming resentful envious of someone and you don't like them anymore simply because you're jealous of them and you feel like they're accomplishing way more than you are, the only thing that you have to do is take your eyes off of them, focus on your own dreams and goals and put in effort to make things happen. And it will happen just because it's taking you longer to accomplish something, it's not going to devalue the accomplishment. I think a lot of the times we lose focus because we focus so much on time. And it's not about time, it's simply about making it happen, finishing it. And so I don't ever want you to get caught up on time. I want you to be able to enjoy your journey, enjoy life, and don't be a stickler for time. And so again, thank you so much for joining me today. I pray that this episode. 2s Brought you some type of clarity, as well as made you be okay if you ever feel jealous or made you be okay with having that emotion, because, again, it's not a bad emotion. It is a part of life, and it is going to happen to you more than once, more often than 1s probably other emotions, simply because we have access to so many different things. And the more you see, the more it makes you feel like a small piece of the puzzle when actually you are the puzzle. And so I just want to encourage you to be the best version of yourself. You are created with a purpose for more. And so as long as you make an effort each and every day to achieve your goals, each and every day to be a better person, then that's all that matters. That's all that matters. We have to learn to run our own race. Even in the society that tries to make you believe that a million other people is running this race with you, that is not true. The race is yours. It's your very own race. And the good thing about it is you can decide what you want to run. If you want to run a marathon, hey, run the marathon. If you want to run a five k hey, run the five k half marathon, go for it. If you decide, I don't want to run today, I want to walk, the decision is yours. And we sometimes I think we get so focused on wanting to be so great that we forget that we actually can be the author of our own stories. All we have to do, guys, is have faith, trust in Jesus, and know that the plans that he has for us is to prosper. He will not lead us astray. So just do your best to stay motivated and stay encouraged. Until next time, be resilient. This concludes today's episode. Thank you for tuning in. I hope the information presented adds value to your life. Be sure to follow me on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube at brooks Deming, the sponsor of today's episode, was clothed by J Christine, a Christian clothing store offering quality and affordable clothing for the everyday, fashionable, conscious woman. To learn more about today's guests, visit brooksdemming.com. Until next time, be resilient. 4s Thanks for joining. Please rate this episode and share this podcast with your family and friends friends. To learn more about your host, visit www.brooksdening.com.