Alright, so the little three-orbs right it's simple should go on the top left.
Speaker 2:Oh, your left, or my left, stage left. Well, okay, wait, that's your left then, or stage right for me, mike, do you want me to do it? No, I've got it. Uh, that's good enough. What's what's next?
Speaker 1:Alright, now it's like Person without legs. What like a stick figure do? The head but with an oval, and then the arms and Body, but no legs it onk goes in tight.
Speaker 2:All right, I just need one more here. This is pretty hard to describe.
Speaker 1:It's an eye and an eyebrow, but with a lot of eyeliner and it's kind of like leaking.
Speaker 2:Hmm, let me see that one. I don't know like cross the circle, mike. Oh right, safety first. Um, okay, let's go. Oh, what timing. That's the red light. We're gonna have to finish this later. Legal, keep an eye on this for us. Good morning Tritown. I'm Michael Tor and I'm Dale Dallas, and this is everything matters. Good morning Tritown. Baby, it's getting cold outside. We're looking at a brisk November morning, so make sure you get a hot drink, your favorite flannel, and Spend some time around the fireplace today, and remember to save your paper products and wood scrap for your chimney. Kids Playhouse Donations let's make sure no one freezes this year.
Speaker 1:And with that it's time for the Tritown bulletin board, brought to you by Gax energy.
Speaker 2:Pumpkin pickup is cancelled this year. Waste management company PB trash away is on record with their newly appointed CEO. Pb trash quoted as saying quote handle it your damn self, goddamn lazy bastards. And quote. Investigative efforts have uncovered PB trash is very unlikely to have said these words, as PB trash is a pit bull terrier mix and cannot speak. Tritown City Council has responded for comment saying there's nothing in the rules that says a dog can't run a trash Collection company.
Speaker 1:If you're looking for a place to throw your pumpkins away.
Speaker 1:The compost heap is a great place to put about a pastor, and flowers will really thank you for it. Officials in Threadington have announced the end of their investigation into the catastrophic failure of a colossal aquarium. Despite extensive expert reports, the exact cause of the tanks rupture remains elusive. Many listeners will recall that just before the last blackout, the aqua mama aquarium at the blind eye hotel burst. It's sending 264,000 gallons of water into the building in the streets. The primary engineer of the aqua mama, nick hauls, has presented three theories to the cause of the tank break, including an adhesive seam failure, some sort of unknown accident that occurred during modernization, or that the tank may have been damaged by a strange bird many had seen lingering around the lobby just before the break. Prosecutors stated that without any clear case or leads to follow, they couldn't determine who was responsible. There are no plans to rebuild the aqua mama at this time and authorities have said that nearly all the 1500 fish that were inside at the time of the rupture have passed away.
Speaker 2:Sure, a lot of strange bird sightings lately. Dale Recalls have been issued for Marie stews can't meet mystery bags. These delicious surprises have been delighting customers all around tri-town and we all thank Marie stew for her incredible Dare. I say meat art. The reheating packs included in every bag of Marie stew mystery bags Seem to have an unexpected reaction, with a very select few combinations of mystery flavors, which has caused a very few Contained spontaneous combustion incidents. Don't worry, though, tri-town, some quick fixes and mystery bags will be right back on the shelves.
Speaker 1:I hope they get it done quick because I can't be without my mystery bags.
Speaker 1:None of us can Dale last week a salvage team was pulling at RV out of a nearby lake and found someone living inside. It all started with a call from a local fisherman who'd said he caught himself at RV nest lake near Pine Bridge. However, it was only after the tow truck arrived that it was discovered there was someone inside and they were still alive. The RV was located quite far from the shore, about a hundred feet away from the Grimoudi Camp boat ramp. Fisherman who reported the situation stayed to assist authorities by using his boat to transport the tow truck driver to the RV. The worker then hooked up the tow cable and they began the process of towing it away. It was about that time we saw the man inside the RV. Since a local fisherman and Just like that would start it as a salvage operation quickly turned into a rescue mission. The fisherman and the tow truck driver worked very closely together to extract the man, pulling him aboard the fishing boat.
Speaker 1:According to authorities, the man had been reported missing for several days prior to this incident. The man's name is Richard Dothriev and he says he wanted to break the record for the world's longest time living underwater in an RV and he had planned to stay there for another three weeks. According to Richard, the first few days were going really well, but at some point during my third night underwater, I sprung some sort of leak, my radio got water damaged and I had no great way to get out. I figured, instead of struggling, I would just embrace my fate and, if I was destined to survive, the lady of the lake would find a way to save me. I do believe that the people who helped me were doing the lady's work.
Speaker 2:The fishermen of this story chooses to remain anonymous and the lady of the lake could not be reached for comment. This message from the Tritown Post Office have extra bones laying around. Need to free up some storage space. We buy bones your bones, used bones, new bones, big bones and small bones, any and all bones. Tritown needs bones. If you have a donation, please call 1-800-B-BONE or hand a sealed letter with information on your bone pickup to the mail carrier. Please do not look the mail carrier in the eye and leave the envelope unmarked. Just tell them this is for the bone collector.
Speaker 1:Well, I think I'll have plenty of pumpkin bones laying around pretty soon. I could donate Each and every fall. There are those who dabble in pumpkin enthusiasm, and then there are those who fiercely compete with unwavering passion. The championship pumpkin way off kicked off with a bang this Monday, and the clear winner was none other than Hans Giger, a pumpkin rancher from Moone Haven. Giger's mammoth pumpkin weighed in at an impressive 2,900 pounds, setting the new Tritown record. This wasn't Giger's first rodeo, as he'd previously taken first place at last year's competition as well. Now I've been recently informed that the pumpkin way off has been a long-running competition here in Tritown Funny, I've never heard of it. This season, 10 pumpkin breeders participated and even attracted hundreds of attendees. During the competition. Each pumpkin is weighed up using several cranes and a 5-ton industrial scale with a special pumpkin harness. Hans had this to say people around these parts mainly derive happiness from pumpkins, whether it's hunting a pumpkin, eating a pumpkin or seeing a nearly 3,000-pound pumpkin wielded on a crane.
Speaker 2:Imagine the teats on that one, dale. I don't know if I want to. This has been the Tritown Bulletin Board brought to you by Cox Energy Energy you can rely on the next time you see that big, thick black wire connected to your home. You can rest easy knowing you have Cox Today on Everything Matters. We dive into the archives with this incredible find from a bygone era. Who knows how many blackouts ago this may have been, but join us for a piece of history while we review the following ad for Sam C Boris security systems and join our ancient ancestors as they prepare for one of the blackouts.
Speaker 4:As we prepare for the coming Blackout, we're faced with the never-ending question of what comes next. Each Blackout has brought new challenges and hardships. Panic upon awakening. This coming one will be no different. I am Sam C Boris of SCB Security Systems. We welcome any and all of those challenges. Why wallow in despair at the unknown when you can prepare for every possible outcome imaginable, how, you might ask? Well, scb is introducing VO.7, our newest line of homes for the future. Vo.7 is built to predict the unpredictable. This home brings new departures that herald even more exciting adventures and homemaking.
Speaker 4:Oo. New freedom from mirror avoidance. Go ahead, perceiving yourself, kid, the ultimate show of dominance in your home, all with the wave of your hand. Our patented motion sensor technology causes our mirrors to only be active while an individual is standing in front of them, frosting over when no one is around, keeping whatever is in there. In there, new horizons in milk safety. Press and presto, you're ready for cookery. Don't worry yourself about refrigeration or storage. Just fill her up and knock two times on the side. Here, voila, out pops the SAM-C Bors patented, super safe milk consumption nipple. Go ahead and grab a drink with peace of mind.
Speaker 4:Reinvented bedrooms. Who needs floors when you can have a comfortable, springy mattress. That's what I call a bedroom. Now you may ask yourself, isn't that just a padded room? To which I say it's all about perspective. A self-sufficient luxury bunker beneath an unimpressive home. It's relaxing and healthy too, father says, fully ventilated and stocked with everything you need to survive for an indefinite period of time and completely mirror-free. Ask about our tunnel system upgrade and connect your luxury bunker to the bunker network of VO7-equipped homes.
Speaker 4:Don't survive alone. Survive with your community In style. That's not all. Optional upgrades include noise isolation room so you can scream into the abyss or take a break from the abyss screaming back. The SAM-C Bors patented claw tub, now with real claws. Bath and peace, dry town. You're protected. Ask about our cheese room upgrades. Every room is better with cheese. And there you have it. Just a small handful of features VO7 has to offer. We've thought of it all, folks, and when I say we've thought of it all, gosh darn it, I mean we've thought of it all. The SCB security innovators expanded their teams to include all of today's brightest minds and some of tomorrow's Consulting with engineers, architects, suit sayers, contractors and fortune tellers. They even went so far as to include babies in the conversation because, as we all know, they are the true future SCB security systems, keeping you and yours safe for a few thousand more tomorrow's.
Speaker 2:Wow, Dale, that sure was interesting.
Speaker 1:Sure was, mike. History is fascinating and we learn from history, so we're not doomed to repeat it Whatever happened to Sam C Boris Dale. Well, we really don't know. He's still in his VO7 luxury bunker. As far as we know, it's sealed up and we still hear noises, though.
Speaker 2:That's fascinating. So there's a possibility he's living down there Well, him or something. I wonder if any of the tunnel systems around Tritown might connect to his luxury bunker. I'm reading the cheese room drew hordes and hordes of giant rats, some of which are still found around Tritown and equipped with the claw tub claws.
Speaker 1:I guess that explains all those giant rat traps at Pat's Auditorium. The noise isolation room door locking mechanisms failed. According to this, trapping several people inside. Even has it that they all went completely crazy?
Speaker 2:I'm reading that the Mirror Motion Sensor did not work as intended, activating constantly even when there weren't people around. What do you think it saw, Dale God, I have no idea.
Speaker 1:Maybe we'll never know. It does seem that Sam C Boris' luxurious padded rooms are still a hit with the residents of Tritown. I didn't know this is where they came from, though. What a memorable contribution in society.
Speaker 2:Indeed. Thank you, sam C Boris, for the history lesson. I hope you're doing well wherever you are. Who knows what will come next? We've learned so much and yet we still know so little.
Speaker 1:Thanks, sam. November is in the air, Tritown, and this year I am starting a new challenge for myself that I am going to call Riot a Novel. November or Riot oh no. After a lot of deliberation and meditation with my Eileen War Nose tapes, I've decided my first ever novel will be titled. Now I Also Know what's in the Money Hole by Dale Dallas.
Speaker 1:I've just been fascinated by the story of the money hole and can't wait to dive in. First things first I have to find out what's in that god dang money hole. I hope you all join me for Riot oh no and write something yourselves. Tritown, call us at 1-800-MATTERS and let us know what you're writing, or let's see here. Todd says to leave a comment on this Spotify episode. Whatever that means, excited to hear what literary work you have cooking. Tritown, the first step in my literary journey. I send Mike down to the money hole outskirts to meet with Charles Manning and William Prescott, the partners who currently own the money hole. I would go myself, but I don't want to give away my vested interest in the money hole until I am ready to publish and I fear my brand of investigative journalism might just scare off Charles and William Without further ado, here's Michael at the money hole.
Speaker 5:Well, hello there, Mr Manning, Well hello there, mike, I've never been on the radio before. I used to have a little anti-radio. I kept nearby it was about yeah big and had this nice long extended antenna Love that thing.
Speaker 2:Oh, whatever happened to it.
Speaker 5:Well, it doesn't rightly operate this close to the money hole and since I moved into my shack down by the hole there, it doesn't tune off with squelching, screaming, giving static. I think I need a new antenna, but I've been bit distracted.
Speaker 2:I see that this is quite the workshop, charles. I've never seen so many picks, axes and shovels.
Speaker 5:Yeah, thank you, mike, I do love me some digging.
Speaker 2:I can see that Digging seems to be a popular pastime of Tritown residents. Have you met Linda Callie?
Speaker 5:I can't rightly say I have Mike. I can't say I have.
Speaker 2:I'll be sure to introduce you. Tell me, what progress have you and William made on the money hole?
Speaker 5:Well, I'll tell you. Mr William Prescott here, and I haven't been on the best of terms lately. I think he's completely losing it.
Speaker 2:Losing it, oh no. What makes you say that?
Speaker 5:Well, the money hole can have that sort of effect on people and you know, william is just obsessed with getting to the bottom of that thing as quick as possible. He's commissioned all these fancy gadgets and doodads and he's losing his way, if you ask me, excavating the stone, wood platforms, digging through that dirt, navigating the lava flows and cave systems. It's an art, art, I tell you, mike, meant to be done by hand and done right.
Speaker 2:I see what types of gadgets has he been commissioning.
Speaker 5:Well, this latest one was some sort of big old mole machine. A mole machine, that's right Insanity, if you ask me. It's not more than a tin can, big ol' metal thing with a drill attached.
Speaker 2:That sounds very dangerous, Charles.
Speaker 5:Well, it's all dangerous, mike, but that's why I stick to my trusty tools and my learning as a good ol' fashioned prospector have you ever read? Only I Know the Secret of the.
Speaker 4:Money Hole and Everyone Else's Lying by Franklin.
Speaker 5:Jeeves.
Speaker 2:I can't say I have.
Speaker 5:Well, franklin shoots straight, tells you how it is, and he believed in good ol' fashioned digging, just like I do.
Speaker 2:What happened to Franklin?
Speaker 5:Oh, he died in a cave in some years back oh.
Speaker 2:Yeah, uh, charles, this might be pushing my luck, but I'd really like to see the inside of the Money Hole. Is there any way you can take me in just a little bit?
Speaker 5:Oh well, I don't know about that. It can be really dangerous.
Speaker 2:Now I do have some underground experience.
Speaker 5:Alright, then Just a bit, I suppose. Grab one of them hats with the lights Right. Yep, that one. Okay, now grab you one of them shovels. Oh yeah, that's a good one, that's one of my favorites.
Speaker 2:My Charles. If I say so myself, I look rather good as a miner.
Speaker 5:Now, careful with the mirrors here, Mike.
Speaker 2:Right, right. Charles took me into the Money Hole, as promised. We went down an open elevator that was run by a series of pulleys. We went through the rock until we came to what seems to be huge logs, much larger than I expected from the story's. Dale told me they looked like thousands of ancient trees, now petrified and laid on top of each other. It got darker and darker and before long I saw the glow of the lava flows. My ears popped from the pressure. The heat became intense. I knew we were deep, deep underground. Finally, the elevator stopped. Alright, mike, ride it this way.
Speaker 5:It's so dark. Yes, sir, now get yourself one of these mine carts.
Speaker 2:Sure enough, charles led me to a mine cart and, surprisingly, we took a ride. It was a little crazy and hard to describe Up and down rises and falls, sharp turns, loud screeching of metal. I kept having to duck to avoid low beams in areas where the tunnel closed in. It was frightening but fun. I remember ancient tales of old world roller coasters where young children would ride above ground mine carts for fun at parks. Eventually Charles threw a lever and the mine cart screeched to a halt and listeners. The rest of the tale is less interesting. I went to work for hours beating rocks with a pickaxe. We made very little progress, although I did find. After a while I really started to enjoy the digging. The whispers really didn't bother me. I was actually beginning to get used to them.
Speaker 5:Well, that's about it for today. I think, mike, mike, you're losing it, buddy, you've got the mining fever.
Speaker 2:Oh, sorry about that. Sorry about that, Charles. I kind of zoned out there. Yeah, that happens.
Speaker 5:The first couple of times. I stayed down here for about three days the first time.
Speaker 2:Wow, charles, I didn't really see much treasure. This was, however, a very interesting experience.
Speaker 5:Patience, mike. You got to learn patience. My great kids are gonna be digging down here, but we'll get to the bottom eventually.
Speaker 2:Well, that's all for my visit to the money hole. I got to go down and see the incredible progress that's been made. I'm sure we'll visit again, but that's all for today. Back to you, Dale.
Speaker 1:Thank you, mike, for that incredible investigative report. It's okay if you didn't find anything. We learned a lot and we'll keep learning more about the money hole. Oh wait, what's this? We have some sort of a news alert. Intern Todd is waving and sliding a paper under the door. Looks like some kind of cassette as well. Let me see here one moment, listeners. Oh wow, what timing, todd. This is breaking news. Triton William Prescott has officially gone missing and it is believed he is deceased. Mr Prescott's hourly reports have ceased. No one has heard from his machine for several hours. After many attempts to hail him, they finally got him on the radio for a brief moment. Listeners, I have to warn you what you're about to hear may disturb some of you.
Speaker 3:Hello, this is William Prescott. I'm in the money hall. I need immediate rescue. Oh God, oh God, I want cabin pressure. Oh God, I want cabin pressure. Oh, the sail saver. Savers have sailed. I need immediate rescue. Oh this my logitech controller has sailed and I've lost control. I am far deeper than intended. I repeat my logitech controller has sailed and I have no control over the ship. Anyone please?
Speaker 2:This has been another broadcast of Everything Matters. Thank you for listening and we're excited to talk to you next week. Remember, it's all real, it all matters.
Speaker 6:Thanks for listening to Everything Matters. This is intern Todd. Everything Matters is a part of the Homebrew Network. If you're listening from the 21st century, you could really help us grow by leaving us a review on Spotify and Apple podcasts. The algorithm God hungers greatly and saving him can be a full-time job, so leave us a review on Spotify and Apple. If you leave a review as a resident of Tritown, without breaking the fourth wall, dale and Mike might read your review on the show. Just make sure you don't give anything away that you're from the 21st century or that could really break Mike and Dale's minds. Yeah, links are at EverythingMattersPodcom. If you're listening from the 22nd and 24th century, you can review us on Musknet in exchange for one kudo. 25th to 29th century please get off the internet immediately. Using the internet poses a public safety hazard All other centuries. Call 1-800-MATTERS if it is safe to do so. Again, that's EverythingMattersPodcom.